Please accept my sincere condolences. Words of condolences for funerals and commemoration

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We intuitively and subconsciously understand how to behave in joyful, easy life situations and festive events. But there are events of a tragic nature - death loved one, For example. Many are lost, faced with their unpreparedness for loss, for the majority such events are beyond acceptance and awareness.

People experiencing loss are easily vulnerable, acutely feel insincerity and pretense, their feelings are overwhelmed with pain, they need help to calm it down, accept it, reconcile it, but in no case add pain with an accidentally thrown tactless word, an incorrect phrase.

You need to be able to show increased tact and correctness, sensitivity and condescension. It is better to remain silent, showing a delicate understanding, than to cause additional pain, hurt disturbed feelings, hook on nerves overloaded with experiences.

We will try to help you understand how to behave in a situation where a person next to you has suffered grief - the loss of a loved one, how to condole and find words that make the person feel your support and sincere sympathy.

We must take into account the existing differences in condolences.

The form of expressing condolences for the loss will vary:

Grandparents, relative;
mother or father;
brother or sister;
son or daughter - child;
husband or wife;
boyfriend or girlfriend;
colleagues, employee.

Because the depth of experiences varies.

Also, the expression of condolences depends on the severity of the grieving person's feelings about what happened:

Imminent death due to old age;
inevitable death due to serious illness;
premature, sudden death;
tragic death, accident.

But the main thing is general condition, regardless of the cause of the death that has come - the genuine sincerity of the expression of your grief.

The condolence itself should be short in form, but deep in content. Therefore, you need to find the most sincere words that accurately convey the depth of your sympathy and your willingness to provide support.

In this article, we will provide samples and examples various forms expressions of condolences, we will help you find mournful words.

You will need:

Form and method of submission

Condolences will be distinctive features according to the form and method of filing, depending on its purpose.

Purpose:

Personal condolences to family and friends.
Official individual or collective.
Obituary in the newspaper.
Farewell words of mourning at the funeral.
Funeral words at the wake: for 9 days, for the anniversary.

Submission method:

The timeliness factor is important, so the postal delivery method should only be used to send a telegram. Of course, the fastest way to offer your condolences is to use modern communication tools: Email, Skype, Viber… but they are suitable for confident users Internet, and these should be not only senders, but also recipients.

Using SMS to show sympathy and empathy is acceptable only if there are no other opportunities for contact with a person, or if the status of your relationship is a distant acquaintance or formal friendship. Follow this link for different occasions.

Submission form:

In writing:

Telegram;
email;
electronic postcard;
an obituary is a piece of mourning in a newspaper.

In oral form:

In a telephone conversation;
when we will meet face to face.

In prose: Suitable for both written and verbal expression of grief.
In verse: Suitable for writing mourning.

Important highlights

All verbal condolences should be short in form.

Official condolences are more delicately expressed in writing. For this, a heartfelt verse is more suitable, to which you can pick up a photo of the deceased, corresponding electronic pictures and postcards.
Personal individual condolences must be exclusive, and can be expressed both verbally and in writing.
For the dearest and closest people, it is important to express or write mournful condolences in your sincere words, not formal, therefore, not stereotyped.
Since verses are rarely exclusive, exclusively yours, so listen to your heart, and it will prompt you with words of comfort and support.
Not only words of condolence should be sincere, but also an offer of any help that you can afford: financial, organizational.

Be sure to mention the distinctive personal virtues and character traits of the deceased person that you would like to keep in your memory forever as a model: wisdom, kindness, responsiveness, optimism, love of life, hard work, honesty.…

This will be an individual part of condolence, the main part of which can be formulated according to the approximate model proposed in our article.

Universal mournful texts

“Let the earth rest in peace” - this is a traditional ritual phrase that is said after a completed burial, it can be a condolence at a wake, suitable even for atheists.
"We all mourn your irreparable loss."
"Unspeakable pain from loss."
"Sincerely condolences and sympathy for your grief."
“Please accept my deepest condolences on the death of a loved one.”
“Let us keep in our hearts the bright memory of the deceased wonderful person.”

Help can be offered in the following ways:

“We are ready to share the burden of your grief, to be close to you and provide the necessary all possible assistance to you and your family.”
“Surely, you will need to solve a lot of questions. You can count on us, accept our help."

On the death of mother, grandmother

"The death of the closest person - mother - is an irreparable grief."
"The bright memory of her will forever be in our hearts."
“How much we did not have time to tell her during her lifetime!”
"We sincerely mourn and condole with you at this bitter moment."
"Hold on! In memory of her. She wouldn't want to see you in despair."

On the death of a husband, father, grandfather

“I offer my sincere condolences and express deep sympathy in connection with the death of a loved one who was reliable support you and your family."
"In memory of this strong man you must show fortitude and wisdom in order to survive this grief and continue what he did not have time to complete.
"We will carry a bright and kind memory of him through our lives."

On the death of a sister, brother, friend, loved one

“It hurts to realize the loss of a loved one, but it is even more difficult to come to terms with the departure of young people who have not known life. Everlasting memory!"
“Let me express my most sincere condolences on the occasion of a heavy, irreparable loss!”
“Now you have to become a support for your parents! Remember this and hold on!”
“God help you survive and endure the pain of this loss!”
“For the sake of your children, their peace and well-being, you need to cope with this grief, find the strength to live and learn to look to the future.”
"Death does not take away love, your love is immortal!"
"Blessed memory of a wonderful person!"
"He will forever remain in our hearts!"

If you are at a distance, find out via SMS. Select the appropriate message and send to the recipient.

On the death of a colleague

“We have worked side by side over the past few years. He was an excellent colleague and an example for young colleagues. His professionalism served as an example for many. You will forever remain in our memory as an example of life wisdom and honesty. May the earth rest in peace for you!
“Her/his dedication to her work earned her/him the respect and love of all who knew her/him. He/She will forever remain in my memory.”
“You were a wonderful collaborator and friend. How we will miss you. May the earth rest in peace for you!
"I can't bear the thought that you're gone. It seems like only recently we were drinking coffee, discussing work and laughing ... I will miss you, your advice and crazy ideas very much.

On the death of a believer

The text of condolences may contain the same mournful words as for a secular person, but Orthodox Christian should be added:

ritual phrase:

"Kingdom of heaven and eternal rest!"
"God is merciful!"

My dear, I am very sorry for your grief. Condolences ... Be strong!
My friend, I mourn your loss. I know this is a hard blow for you and your family. I offer my sincere condolences.
- A wonderful man is gone. My condolences to you, my dear, and to all your family at this sad and difficult moment.
This tragedy hurt all of us. But of course, it touched you the most. Accept my condolences.

How to condole in Islam (Muslims)?

It is Sunnah to express condolences in Islam. However, it is undesirable for the relatives of the deceased to gather in one place to accept condolences. The main purpose of expressing condolences is to call people who have suffered misfortune to patience and contentment with the predestination of Allah. The words that should be said when expressing condolences are: "May Allah grant you beautiful patience and may He forgive the sins of your deceased (your deceased)."

How to condole over the phone?

In the case when the words of condolence are pronounced over the phone, then you can (but not necessarily) add briefly: “Let the earth rest in peace!”. If you have the opportunity to provide assistance (organizational, financial - any), then it is convenient to complete the words of condolence with this phrase, for example, “These days you will probably need help. I would like to be helpful. Count on me to call anytime!

How do you deal with a person who is bereaved?

It is not necessary to grieve, cry with him, passing through someone else's suffering. You will be much more effective in your help if you act rationally, deliberately. One way to deal with loss is to talk about it repeatedly. In this case, strong emotions will react. You need to listen carefully to the person, answer his questions if necessary. Allowing a person to express his emotions, experiences. It can be tears, anger, irritation, sadness. You don't judge, you just listen carefully, you're there. Tactile contact is possible, that is, a person can be hugged, taken by the hand, the child can be put on his knees.

Not 5

It should be understood that a mourning speech is delivered at the funeral, which is addressed to the entire circle of guests. The funeral is a rather difficult event and relatives choose a person with good diction and who knew the deceased well.

If you are reading memorial speech, then you should not rely on improvisation, it's okay if you record a speech. Optimal time speeches up to 5 minutes. You should not retell the entire biography of the deceased. The speaker must select the brightest, most important, good moments who exhibit all the best qualities of the deceased.

Since you personally knew the deceased, you can remember a good deed, good words, or moments, as well as emphasize how significant this person was to you. At the end of the speech, they usually talk about what the deceased taught us, what benefits he did, that he lived his life not in vain.

Not allowed in funeral speech remember the shortcomings and bad deeds of the deceased, remember that a bad person can be said to be good. For example, if a person was greedy, then we can say that although he did not always know how to share joy with others, he is an example for us how to be happy ourselves and achieve everything with our own work! Thus, the guests learn about the deceased, about his rich life, good deeds.

Warm words warm the souls of guests and relatives, thus, the loss is easier to bear.

Speech example:

1. Appeal:

Dear guests of [Name]!
- Dear relatives and friends!
-Dear family and friends of our beloved [Name]

2. Who you are:

I am the husband of our revered [Name].
-I am the sister of [Name], who is remembered by us today.
- [Name] and I have worked/served together for a long time / in recent years.

3. About how it all happened:

Mother was ill for a long time; we knew what would happen, but when we got a call from the hospital…
-When I found out that [Name] had died, I couldn't think of anything else that evening.
-Although grandfather lived long life, the message of death startled me.
-Today is 9 days since my mother left us.
-A year ago, we said goodbye to [Name], a respected and worthy person.

4. A few words about best qualities deceased:

Grandma was the kindest person, often received guests in her cozy house in the village.
She was very generous and her smile made everyone feel good.
-He was known as an optimist and a person with whom it is easy to go through life.
-He was a support for all of us, you could always rely on him in Hard time.

Remember that the mourning speech at the funeral must come from your heart, just take a pen and write about what is in your soul, describe the deceased. Let your speech be better formally not correct, but sincere, which will touch the hearts of the guests.

Example of a mourning speech few facts from life are given here, but the speech was spoken from the heart:

Dear relatives and friends! I am the husband of our revered [Name] Having learned about the tragedy, for a long time I could not believe what had happened, all evening I could not think of anything and still it seems to me that this is just a dream.
Not many people know how pure and bright person [Name] was. Already at the age of 18, she made her first trip, and this passion to see the new remained forever in her heart. We met on one of these trips, it was an unforgettable month in an unforgettable city.
We both considered ourselves free as birds, and did not want to tie the knot, but this acquaintance turned everything upside down. She was an incredibly kind and generous person. Always helped strangers, always took into account the opinions of others and avoided conflicts. I am glad that, although so little, I was with her and was able to enjoy the purity, tenderness and feelings that [Name] gave me. I will always remember you [Name] your warm smile will forever remain in our hearts!

What do they say at the funeral?

At the wake, everyone can show their respect to the deceased. If you want to honor the memory of a loved one, prepare in advance, come up with a good toast or verse to stand at the memorial table and honor the memory of a loved one.

Before you sit down at the table, the deceased is honored with a minute of silence. The Orthodox begin the commemoration with the reading of Psalm 90 and the prayer "Our Father". The owner of the house invites guests to the table and people sit down, not sitting on an empty seat allocated to the deceased.

First word given to the owner of the house: -Today we spent the last journey of our loved one (calls him as it was customary in the family). May the earth rest in peace to him / her, and the memory is eternal. (Bows to a portrait or free space deceased).

Everyone drinks (according to tradition, jelly). Not clinking. Then the word is passed to the leader. The host also delivers his speech, ending it with the words: - May the earth be (calls the name and patronymic of the deceased) in down, and the memory is eternal!

Then the leader gives mourning words to say to everyone from eldership to the minority: As a rule, these are toasts, at the end of which they say Let the earth be [Name] down, and memory eternal!

In memorial words, the use of aphorisms, favorite expressions of the deceased, stories from life is allowed. Any negative words, talk about bad features character, relationship.

Example: Friends, today is a day of mourning. There was a time when we had fun and rejoiced with the departed (her) from us. But today we ourselves drink this cup of sorrow, seeing off a person close to us on the last journey. Not everyone in the world was worthy of Dormition, like the Mother of God and other holy people. But we will keep in our hearts a good memory of our friend, having hope for the resurrection and for a new meeting in a new place. Let's drink the wine of sorrow to the bottom for this!

Example: We are sad and sad And there are no other feelings. Let's remember all the parents, Let's remember all the relatives! Let's remember all the departed, In the prime of their lives, Brothers, sisters of the dead, Friends and strangers! They once lived And made us happy, Laughed and loved, Cared about us. For a long time or recently They are no longer with us, And we tremblingly bring a bouquet to the grave!

Or just cases from life, someone will remember how well he drew, someone how they worked together perfectly, and someone will tell about his good deed.

Example: "Our grandfather was very kind and a good man. His path was long and difficult. All the difficulties that befell the country, he perceived as his own. He worked and raised children without complaining about the lack of benefits, lack of food or amenities. He raised children, was a support for grandchildren. We will all miss this wonderful man. Blessed memory to him!

It is necessary to pronounce memorial words while standing. After your funeral words, the head of the family necessarily ends your words with the phrase - May the earth be (calls the name and patronymic of the deceased) in peace, and the memory is eternal! Or for believers, the Kingdom of heaven to him / her and eternal rest.

When everyone speaks out, the head of the house thanks everyone for the kind words, once again wishes everyone to be strong in order to survive the bitterness of loss, to maintain firmness at all times. Everyone gets up, drinks, bows and sits down again. By tradition, the last toast is made by the eldest woman in the family, or the eldest of the relatives. She also thanks everyone for coming and honoring the memory of the deceased and, if necessary, invites everyone to the next commemoration. After the last toast, they do not say goodbye, but bow to the portrait of the deceased (or to an empty place at the table) and, at the exit, bring words of condolence to relatives.

How to express condolences on death?

What shouldn't be said? Often in such difficult days, it is very difficult for us to formulate our thoughts and correctly express our condolences. We begin to speak general phrases, instead of just supporting people dear to us in a difficult moment. Consider what is better not to say when expressing your condolences:

2. God judged, God's will for everything, God took away. You can’t say such a phrase to a mother who has lost a small innocent child, thereby you seem to be saying that God did this to them. It is better to say that now a person is in a better world.

3. How are you? No need to dryly ask relatives how they are doing, if there is a need to keep up the conversation, it is better to ask how you feel? What's on your mind? However, if you are not a close person, then it is enough to take an interest in the funeral itself, to ask if there is something that I can do for you.

4. Everything will be fine, don't cry! You should not try to cheer up the relatives of the deceased with such expressions, after all, this is mourning, and these days relatives most often want to think about today and not about the future.

5. Future-oriented wishes do not apply to words of condolence: “I wish you to recover faster after such a tragedy”

6. It is considered bad form to find positive moments in the tragedy and devalue the loss. Nothing, give birth! He was in a lot of pain, and finally got over it! Remember that people have gathered here to honor the memory of the deceased.

7. You are not the only one, it happens worse, that's what happened to ... .. Such statements are tactless and do not help to alleviate the pain of loss.

8. You can not look for someone to blame. We hope this driver gets jailed! We hope this killer will be punished. Such statements also do not apply to words of condolence.

9. “You know, he drank a lot and was a drug addict, such people do not live long.” Such statements are also tactless, about the deceased, or good or nothing.

10. Questions “How and where did it happen?” and others, it is also not appropriate to ask for condolences.

Verbal condolences to the loved ones of the deceased

The most important thing is that your words of condolence are sincere and from the heart. For example, if you did not know the deceased and his relatives well, then a simple handshake or hug with words of condolences to your loss will be enough. The same applies to people who simply do not have words or only two words, condolences to you. You can simply hug, take by the hand, put your hand on the shoulder, thereby showing that you sincerely sympathize and share your grief with the relatives of the deceased.

It is considered good form to offer your help, ask if there is something I can do for you? Most often you will be politely answered, no thanks, not worth it. But if help is really needed, then it can be help in preparing dishes for the commemoration, in submitting notes to the church for holding church liturgies for the deceased, and even material assistance.

How to find words of condolence for death?

To make it easier to express your condolences, think about the deceased, who he was to you, remember good cases from life, his actions and joint deeds. Also think about the feelings of relatives, how hard it is for them what they feel. This will help you find words for condolences.

If you feel guilty about something before the deceased, your sincere apologies will be a good form, because condolences are both forgiveness and reconciliation. You don’t need to squeeze words out of yourself, if there aren’t any, then just come up and sincerely say how you condole, in your eyes and everything will be visible. Below are condolence word examples:

He meant a lot to me and to you, I grieve with you. Let it be a consolation to us that he gave so much love and warmth.

Let's pray for him. There are no words to express your grief.

She meant a lot in your life and mine. We will never forget…

It is very hard to lose such a dear person. I share your grief. How can I help you? You can always count on me.

I'm sorry, please accept my condolences. If I can do something for you, I will be very happy.

I would like to offer my help. I would be happy to help you...

Unfortunately, in this imperfect world, this has to be experienced. He was a bright man whom we loved. I will not leave you in your grief. You can count on me at any moment.

This tragedy affected everyone who knew her. You, of course, are now the hardest of all. I want to assure you that I will never leave you. And I will never forget her.

Please, let's walk this path together. Unfortunately, I only now realized how unworthy my bickering and quarrels with this bright and dear person were.

Forgive me! I grieve with you. This is a huge loss. And a terrible tragedy. I pray and will always pray for you and for him.

It's hard to put into words how much good he did me. All our disagreements are dust. And what he did for me, I will carry through my whole life. I pray for him and mourn with you. I will gladly help you at any time.

We all know that life does not stand still, some leave it, others come into this world. Each of us was faced with the fact that someone with friends or relatives was dying, so everyone normal people consider it obligatory to support a person in this difficult moment, express their condolences, help in some way. But it is not always possible to do this in person, you need to write a letter of condolence. How to write a condolence letter let's try to figure it out, because this must be done carefully so as not to cause even more suffering, not to injure, not to offend.

Verbal condolences to the grieving

This way of expressing condolences is the most common. Oral condolences are expressed to acquaintances, relatives, neighbors, colleagues, friends, those who are closest to the deceased by friendly, family ties. Condolences are verbally expressed at a wake, funeral in person.

For verbal condolences, most important condition- it should not be empty and formal, condolences must be spoken with sincere sympathy and an open soul. Otherwise, condolence becomes a formal empty ritual that does not help the grieving, but rather adds even more pain. And unfortunately, this happens quite often these days. Therefore, it is important to express verbal condolences as sincerely as possible, and not to speak false and empty words that do not feel warm.

To verbally express sympathy, you need to consider the following:

Feel free to express your feelings;
Know that condolences are expressed not only in words. It happens that it is simply impossible to find the right words, but condolences can be expressed by simply touching the grieving, hugging, taking by the hand;
When expressing condolences, it is very important not only to choose comforting, sincere words, but also to support these words with an offer of all possible help.

Therefore, when you express your condolences, do not hesitate to ask the grieving person how you can help in this situation. This will give your condolences sincerity and weight.

How to choose the right words for condolences

It is not always easy to find the exact, sincere, right words to express condolences. How to choose them correctly? There are some rules here.

At all times people prayed before how to express condolences. This is important, because in this situation it is difficult to choose good words. Prayer calms, helps to find sincere words. Before expressing condolences, we recommend praying. This will not take much time, you can pray anywhere, in any place, it will not cause harm, but it will bring many benefits.

In addition, we may have a grudge against the person to whom we will express condolences. It is understatement and resentment that prevent sincere expression of words of consolation. So that this does not interfere, you need to forgive those whom you are offended by in prayer, and then necessary words find themselves.

To express condolences, you need to remember the good moments from the life of the deceased, something good that the deceased did for you, remember what he could teach you, the joys that he brought you. This will make it much easier to find the right words.

What not to say when expressing condolences

Let's analyze the most common mistakes made by those who try to somehow support the mourner, thereby risking causing even more severe mental pain.

As mentioned earlier, the most important condolence should not be formal. It is necessary to try not to write or speak general, insincere words. In addition, when expressing condolences, it is important that tactless, meaningless, banal and empty phrases do not sound. It should be noted that, trying in any way to console a person who has lost a loved one, one can make gross mistakes that can become a source of disappointment, resentment, aggression, and misunderstanding on the part of the sufferer. The fact is that a grieving person psychologically in the shock stage of grief feels, perceives and experiences everything differently. Therefore, in order to properly express condolences The main thing is to avoid major mistakes.

A few common phrases that are not recommended when expressing condolences.

The future cannot be "comforted"

If a child has died, you can’t say: “Time will pass, you will still have children.” If the husband died - "You are beautiful, you will arrange your life and get married." For the mourner, these are completely tactless statements. At this time, he is usually not interested in future prospects, he is experiencing a heavy loss. Therefore, such a “comfort”, which gives hope to the grieving, is in reality terribly stupid and tactless.

"Everything will pass, don't cry"- people who pronounce such words of “sympathy” give the grieving absolutely wrong attitudes. Thanks to such attitudes, a grieving person may think that crying is bad. And this can negatively affect the somatic, psycho-emotional state of the mourner. But if a person is already more than a year constantly crying, then this is an occasion to turn to specialists, but if several months have passed since the loss, then this state of the mourner is quite natural.

"Everything's gonna Be Alright, do not worry" is an empty statement that the person who commiserates presents as optimistic and hopeful to the one who is grieving. It should be understood that a person experiencing grief perceives this statement in a completely different way. On the this moment he does not see the good, much less strive for it. The sufferer has not yet mourned the loss, has not come to terms with it, and cannot imagine his life without a dear and close person. Consequently, such senseless optimism will irritate him rather than help and reassure him.

"Time heals"- another banal phrase that neither the person pronouncing it nor the grieving person can understand. Alms, deeds of mercy, good deeds, prayer, God can heal the soul, but not time. A person can get used to and adapt over time. In any case, it is pointless to say to the mourner. For him, time has stopped, the pain is still too acute, and as long as he is experiencing a loss, he does not make plans for the future, he does not believe that time can change anything.

You can not devalue the loss and find positive moments in the tragedy

Suggesting positive conclusions from the loss, rationalizing the positive aspects of death, devaluing the loss by finding some benefit for the one who died, or something positive in the loss - often does not console the mourner either. From this, the pain of loss does not become weaker, a person perceives what happened as a catastrophe.

“He was seriously ill, his torment was over. It will be better for him." It is best to avoid such phrases. On the part of the grieving person, this can cause rejection and aggression. Even if the mourner agrees with this statement, the pain of loss still does not become easier for him. He also painfully and acutely experiences the pain of loss.

When expressing condolences, such phrases are often heard: “It’s hard, but your children are still growing”, “It’s good that the mother didn’t suffer”. Grieving such statements should not be said. In such expressions, arguments are made that the pain of the peri cannot lessen. Of course, he understands that everything could be much worse, but even this cannot console him. The dead father will not be replaced by the mother, and the second child will not replace the first. Any person understands that it is impossible to console a victim of a fire with the fact that the car remained, even though the house burned down.

You can't look for "extreme"

When expressing condolences, in no case should one mention or say that the death could have been somehow prevented: “I should have sent him to the doctor”, “I should have paid more attention to the symptoms”, “This could not have been happen if he had stayed at home”, etc.

Usually such statements in a person who suffers grief cause additional feelings of guilt, and this may negatively affect his psychological state in the future. This is a fairly common mistake for those who write a condolence letter. The reason for this is that we do in this situation to find the "extreme", "guilty" of death.

Another attempt to find the "guilty" instead of express condolences, are the following assertion expressions: “The police will find the killer and will definitely punish him”, “Such doctors should be tried”, “This driver should be put on trial or even killed” etc. Such judgments (whether unfair or just) shift the blame to a third party. But solidarity in bad feelings towards the “extreme” will not help alleviate the pain of loss in any way. There is no need to utter such phrases, they can incite aggression, condemnation and hatred in a grieving person. speak or write a letter of condolence need only with words of sympathy for the grieving. You can also say or write good words in relation to the deceased.

Another expression that is quite common is: "God gave, God took." In reality, it cannot console the suffering person in any way, but, on the contrary, shifts the blame for the death of a person to God. A grieving person in this state is not interested in the question of who is to blame for the death of a loved one. In the worst case, such an expression can cause in a person unkind feelings and aggression towards God.

“You know, he liked to drink a lot”, “He sinned a lot, that’s why it happened”, “He loved drugs, and this is a natural end for the people's commissar”. Sometimes, people expressing condolences try to find the extreme, the guilty one in the behavior, actions, lifestyle of the deceased. In such cases, unfortunately, the desire to find someone to blame prevails over elementary ethics and over the human mind. The mourner does not need to be reminded of the shortcomings of the deceased, this not only does not comfort, but also makes it even worse, the tragedy becomes more tragic, the mourner feels even more guilty, which causes even more pain.

I would like to note that “consolation” by assessment, condemnation when expressing oral condolences or in a letter of condolence is categorically unacceptable. To prevent this, you must always remember that "About the dead, either nothing, or only good."

More Common Mistakes When Expressing Condolences

The phrase: “I understand how difficult and difficult it is for you” is the most common mistake. It's not true when you say you know and understand the other person's emotions. Even if you have been in a similar situation and experienced similar feelings, you are still mistaken. Each person is an individual, so everyone's feelings are different. Do not compare feelings, you cannot experience the same as a mourner. Be tactful and respect the feelings of the bereaved.

In a letter of condolence, as well as in a verbal condolence, it is categorically not recommended to ask questions like: “How did this happen?”, “Did he say something before his death?” etc. This is tactless curiosity, not condolences.

It is also bad when, trying to express condolences, people begin to cite themselves as an example of how they experienced the tragedy: “I also felt bad, but I managed”, “I almost went crazy when my mother died” etc. In some cases, this can help when your loved one is suffering, and you have a great desire to support and help him. But in general, to show your sadness, you should not talk about your grief.

What not to do when communicating with a person experiencing grief

Do not take it as a personal offense if the grieving person refuses the offered help or does not want to talk. It should be understood that at this stage, the grieving may be passive, inattentive and not always the right attitude to the situation. Therefore, do not rush to draw conclusions, be merciful to him, wait until his condition returns to normal.

It cannot be ignored, and they will move away from a person, thereby depriving him of his support. A person who is in grief may take it in such a way that you do not want to communicate with him, as a negative attitude towards him, rejection. If you are modest and afraid to seem intrusive, take into account the feelings of the grieving and try to explain to him.

You can not leave the situation and be afraid of intense emotions. Not infrequently, people who sympathize are frightened by the atmosphere that has developed around, the strong emotions of those who are grieving. But in no case should you step back from these people and show that you are scared. Grieving people may also misunderstand this.

Condolences - rules and etiquette

About the death of a loved one, according to the rules of etiquette, not only relatives and close friends, who often take part in organizing funerals and commemorations, but also old acquaintances and comrades are notified. How to express condolences– pay a visit to relatives or participate in a funeral? It all depends on the level of your closeness to this family and on your capabilities.

If you cannot attend the funeral ceremony, then you must definitely express your condolences. It is better to pay your visit not for the first time in the days after the funeral, but during the first few weeks. When going to a condolence visit or to a funeral, wear a dark suit or dress. During a condolence visit, you do not need to discuss issues that are not related to death, discuss work problems, tactlessly remember funny stories talk about extraneous topics. If, for some reason, a person cannot make a personal visit, then it is imperative to write a letter of condolence, send an SMS message, email or telegram.

Letters of condolence can be divided into three groups:

Group one Letters announcing the death of a loved one. As a rule, they are sent to friends and relatives of the deceased.

Second group- comforting letters. They are a response to the letter of the first group.

Third group- A letter in response to a letter of consolation. An integral part of mourning etiquette and written communication.

Condolence letter. How to write a condolence letter- it all depends on your sincerity and real desire to support a person in a difficult period of his life. Expressing condolences is more of an element of etiquette than an open need to show empathy.

Sample letter of condolence for death

Sincerely and tactfully convey condolences in connection with the loss is always difficult. Especially if you have to do it in person. There are certain forms of etiquette that keep communication going smoothly despite the tragedy of the moment. We hope that our advice will help you to hold on to your dignity and show your best sides.

condolence word examples

To find the right expressions, you need to gather your thoughts and look into yourself.

Don't try to hide behind dry clichés, but don't get too emotional either. Never use swear words in speech.

If you have to express condolences in writing, avoid exclamation marks. Be brief and straightforward - the person is gone forever, and you can't hide it with any softening expressions.

How formal your appeal will be depends on the specific case, but it is imperative to end it with a question of how you could help.

Both in writing and orally, you can use the following text as an example:

“A wonderful man is gone. I send my condolences to you and your entire family at this sad and difficult moment”;
“I mourn your loss. I know this is a hard blow for you”;
“I was told that your brother was dead. I am very sorry and I send you my condolences”;
“I want to express my deepest regret about the death of your father. If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know."

When to Express Condolences

Time, like words, is also of great importance. You should be tactful towards the relatives of the deceased.

Usually, those who want to express regret over someone's death are concerned about two points: will I interfere with the mourners and is it too late (not too early) to apply now?

The first point is psychological. It happens that there is no experience in such conversations, or you are afraid to enter a house that death has recently visited, or during the life of the deceased you did not get along with his family ... Most often, people simply torment themselves, feeling that they are obliged to come or call, but are afraid to see someone else's grief and do not know how to behave in such a situation.

The second point relates to moral behavior. Is it possible to call the family of the deceased as soon as you hear the bad news? Is it worth waiting for a funeral to support his family there? And if you were not invited to either the funeral or the commemoration, then when to come with condolences? Will it be too late next week?

No matter how difficult and scary it may be for you, you should appear or call when you feel that this is expected of you. For example, a friend, relative, neighbor needs comfort. In addition, if you know that your presence or several good words a person will be encouraged by phone, you must do this according to the principle “if not me, then who”.

You may not be best friends, perhaps you have not been in this family for a long time, but sometimes support is also needed from outsiders, especially if the mourner is lonely and unprotected. These can be pensioners, widows, orphans, young mothers with a baby, just closed people who find it difficult to count on help.

Don't get overly embarrassed. Even if you are received distantly or asked to be shorter and leave, then at least your behavior will be correct.

Yet most mourners need and wait for visitors and calls. If you are close to them, call as soon as you hear about the grief. If not very close, it will be more formal to come or call in the first three days after the funeral.

A maximum of a week later, it is customary to bring condolences from employees from work, and if you turn even later, then prepare a short excuse (didn’t know, were in another country, etc.).

What can't be said

Worn out phrases that you can get rid of if a friend just has another trouble are categorically not suitable during the period of mourning for the deceased.

In order not to hurt a person experiencing a loss, common mistakes should be avoided:

Do not call " No need to cry", " Calm down", " Enough to grieve". A person should not feel guilty for their grief. Otherwise, he will simply think that you did not appreciate his grief and do not want to see him in tears and sadness.
Do not console with words like "Think of yourself", " You haven't died yet”,“ Find another ”,“ Do you still have children". Such phrases also devalue the loss, taking away the right to mourn for the deceased. Consider that even if a widow ever manages to remarry, now is not the time to think about the possibility of replacing her late spouse. Even if he was not exemplary, it does not matter.
Do not judge the deceased with alleged consolations like " He shouldn't have been drinking/smoking/going to surgery», « We felt it would end badly», « Workaholics burn out fast" or " Addicts always have a sad end". The reaction to your words will be just anger, because death erases all the mistakes of the deceased. Death may be the result of his addictions, but it is always too heavy a retribution, which hurts the relatives of the deceased now. They are not up to your consolations-condemnations.
Don't lie that you know how the mourner is feeling right now. Even if you suffered a loss at one time, it is right to talk about it with those who have already gone through all the stages of sadness. With these words, you can try to get close to a stranger in order to inspire more confidence, they say, you are united common grief. But immediately after the funeral, you can’t talk about your similar grief - for the mourner, this is still an unlived experience, and such consolations are only annoying.
Phrase " There are those who are even more difficult now"is simply deadly for orphans, widowers and widows, for those who have lost a friend or brother. The usual response to this is: I am none the better for it!”- absolutely fair. Save this phrase for those who whine about problems, so to speak, without knowing life. After the funeral, this is inappropriate.

Finally, even without knowing how to properly express your condolences in words, you can do it from the heart - just with your silent presence. When trouble comes to the house, we need each other even without words. Do not leave loved ones and friends alone with your grief!

People can write obituaries in our newspaper. Question: Is it possible to use the word "condolences" in the plural? For example, the management and the trade union committee of an enterprise express sincere condolences on the death of an employee. And one more thing to this topic: is it possible to use the phrase "in connection with the death"?

Combination express sincere condolences with form plural absolutely correct.
Combination in connection with the death correct, but suggestion in connection with better to replace.


	Question #274553

Good afternoon.
"I offer my deepest condolences to the families and friends of the victims."
Is it possible to use the verb "bring" in relation to "condolences"? Or is it better to express?