How to tell a bad character from a good one. Female manipulation "I have a bad temper"

The article describes what is bad characterare described bad features character and neurotic needs of the individual

Hello,

dear readers and guests my blog!

While an article is being prepared on the topic “ ", Which is a continuation of the article about, I decided to publish a note about the character of a person.

You probably often hear this expression: "He (she) has a very bad character!"

This is a common diagnosis in household psychology.

It is usually used when evaluating a person's behavior and his relationship to other people.

And if it does not correspond to generally accepted norms and brings inconvenience and suffering to others, then this verbal cliché is used.

IN recent times another cliché began to spread - "toxic person".

This is the one from which people around you gain negative emotions.

Who is

toxic person

or a person with a bad character?

As a rule, they are aggressive, domineering, stubborn, intractable, loving to argue, criticizing everyone and everything.

But it is obvious that the phrase “ bad character»Reflects not only these qualities.

There are other bad character traits and needs that determine inappropriate and toxic behavior and thinking of a person, but often hidden even from the professional view of a psychologist.

In this article, we will talk about these hidden needs and traits and find out how they affect the behavior of their owner and those around him.

This article is a direct continuation of publications such as:

The fact is that a person with a bad character, as a rule, has certain neurotic traits and inclinations.

He is the owner of rigid (rigid) behavior, he often conflicts with others, and cannot get along with them.

Nor can he get along with himself.

He is stubborn and demanding, and often the level of his personal and social development is much lower than what nature gave him. For example, such a person can.

All of these are classic symptoms of neurosis in adults with a bad character.

Now let's look at the 8 most common signs (inclinations or needs) of a bad or neurotic nature.

In doing so, I will rely on the concept of neuroses by the American psychoanalyst Karen Horney.

Bad character

and what makes it so?

To begin with, a very important digression 〈!!! 〉

Pay attention to the famous joke-saying of psychologists: "If you want to see a neurotic - look in the mirror"

She says that certain neurotic traits, inclinations and needs can be found in any person, without exception.

This also applies to the following dark signs of a bad character. Almost all of us have them.

But! The point is not in their very presence, but in their strength and level of development.

The need, trait, inclination becomes neurotic, i.e. painful and begins to interfere with the life of a person and others in the event that it is overdeveloped, if its strength exceeds the average level of normality, if it begins to control a person's behavior and thinking.

In all other cases, if it is not noticeable or manifests itself very rarely, then it is not possible to say about a person that he has an unbearable character.

So, …

1. The need for a strong and responsible friend or partner

Such a person wants someone to take responsibility for his life and for most of his key life decisions.

This can be a friend, husband, wife, or parents.

He wants such a person to act as a Helper for him. And he will, receiving certain dividends from this.

For example: managing life, solving household and any other problems, finding a job, making money, etc.

At the same time, the victim master skillfully manipulates his assistant, gradually becoming a persecutor himself.

Example: sofa husband.

As soon as the wife gathers up the courage to throw off the burden of the Savior-Helper and stop supporting and pleasing him, he either begins to hurt and suffer, causing pity to himself.

Or, harassing her with physical and emotional abuse.

But without her he cannot, however, and she is without him. As a rule, there is someone third (child, mother-in-law, mother-in-law, etc.).

Together they create and grow into his neurotic structure.

2. The need for power over others

This is mainly expressed in the need to constantly monitor everyone.

In an effort to subordinate people and life events to their will and reason. Such a person is afraid of everything that he cannot check and control, even if such control is imaginary and contrived.

He does not tolerate a state of uncertainty. He is devoid of spontaneity and plasticity of behavior.

Such people often bow before authority, power and strong people... At the same time, they despise the weak and dependent.

They strive to achieve superiority over others in order to effectively manipulate them.

If the need for power of such a person is not satisfied, he feels very bad.

He is oppressed by anxiety and a sense of uncertainty. He becomes nervous and irritable.

Dealing with him is always difficult, and sometimes just dangerous - you can lose.

3. The need to exploit others, using them for their own purposes

Such a person treats others as a means of satisfying his personal interests and.

At the same time, he does not think about the problems of others, and even takes offense if the other person does not want to help him and indulge his whims.

This is the one who is often referred to as "He just used me."

He is a wonderful manipulator, easily makes others dependent on himself, but he himself often depends on someone.

Collective portrait

a person with severe

character

As you can imagine, this is difficult to create, since there are so many different signs and manifestations of a bad character, often mutually exclusive.

Nevertheless, the following general judgment can be formulated.

It is uncomfortable and uncomfortable with him. There is always tension and anxiety in a relationship with him.

He doesn't like others. Treats others either condescendingly or with servility.

It is very difficult to agree with him, he either often and unreasonably changes his opinion and plans, or adheres to them with reinforced stubbornness.

Most often, after close and more or less prolonged communication with such a person, you feel tired and overwhelmed, or worn out and filled with negative emotions.

Based on this generalized portrait, three types of people can be distinguished.

Types of people

bad tempered

Aggressive type :

Traits: hostility, conflict, aggressiveness, excessive demands

He's conflicted. Seeks to control and subordinate everything. He is straightforward, believes that he is always right and the world should exist according to his rules. Focuses on achievement and success that he values \u200b\u200bonly if they bring him power and control.

Operating type :

Traits: compulsiveness, criticism, suppression,

Everyone is obliged to him, everyone must indulge his desires and needs. He manipulates others in pursuit of his own benefit.

In contrast to the aggressive type, it is more flexible in behavior. Exploits the weaknesses of others and takes advantage of them effectively.

In a relationship, she constantly weaves intrigues and plays on contradictions.

Avoidance type :

Traits: Stealth, distrust, avoidance

He prefers to communicate at a distance, does not admit him. He is very suspicious and distrustful. Always expecting attack and deception.

It is difficult to rely on him since you never know what is on his mind. In addition, he aggressively defends if you get too close to him.

The traits of all three types can be intertwined, so there is no pure type of person with a bad character.

A trait that unites all three types is narcissism, when a person does not love others, but adores himself.

Karen Horney called this a neurotic pretense.

This is when a person wants to be communicated with only in accordance with his majestic ideas about himself. This is done in order to protect the idealized (artificial) image of himself and himself from the blows of reality.

Well, this is where I end my article, where I tried to answer the questions: “What is a bad character? and what are bad character traits? "

At the same time, you and I have determined that some overly active and strong inclinations and needs of a person should be perceived as symptoms of neurosis in adults.

In conclusion, it is important to note that a person with a severe toxic character is not born by itself. He is the result of a special type of upbringing, and the emotional atmosphere that surrounded him in childhood.

A bad character makes being in a person's company uncomfortable, uncomfortable. There is anxiety and tension around him. He doesn't like people, he treats them arrogantly, obsequiously. Almost never makes compromises, can change opinion, behavior, decision without any reason. Stubborn, likes to dominate, while not taking responsibility. After communicating with such a person, one feels fatigue and inner emptiness. There are other signs by which you can recognize people with a complex disposition.

Bad reasons

Each of the following needs is not in itself bad. But in an exaggerated form it leaves a negative imprint on the character.

The need to have a strong partner nearby

A person refuses to take responsibility, seeks to shift it onto other people's shoulders. To do this, he chooses a husband, wife, parents, colleagues, friends. At first, the “helper” may not understand that he is being used, while he will support, help, take responsibility, a manipulator with a bad character will try on the role of a victim. This will be expressed in scenarios like this:

i can't find a job, that's why I'm not looking;
everyone around me does not understand, therefore I will conflict with everyone;
i do not know how to cook (clean up, make money, etc.), so do it for me.

The need to rule over others

It is expressed in the need to dominate over everyone, to control other people's actions. A person seeks to subjugate not only people, but also situations, therefore everything and always strives to take into his own hands. He will do everything himself, since he does not trust others, he will double-check everything. Afraid of everything he cannot control. Uncertainty is his biggest discomfort. Spontaneity is not inherent in him. He has contempt for weak people.

The need to use and manipulate others

A difficult person may perceive others as a means of achieving their own goals. The problems of the others are not interesting to him if they refuse to help him or do not agree with him, takes it with hostility, sometimes sincerely does not understand why they refuse to indulge him. He has the art of manipulation. In case of non-receipt of benefits, counts the time spent with the person wasted.

The need for constant approval

A person needs to be approved of his actions, it is important for him to please everyone. If someone remains unhappy with him, he will feel uncomfortable. Praise is more important than benefits. A person can act to his detriment just to hear in his address pleasant words... He plays the role of a savior, he is often manipulated, but he refuses to admit it, believing that he is needed and he is doing a good deed. But if the praise is not received, first the person turns into a victim, starting to feel sorry for himself, and then into an accuser, making claims.

The reason for this behavior lies in low self-esteem. From hostility on their part, they can become depressed. They tend to suppress feelings, often live the way others want, not understanding their own desires.

Need for admiration, narcissism

Such people are not liked by anyone but themselves. A certain fictional image is created in their heads, according to which they are ideal. These people are narcissistic, wear a mask behind which there is nothing significant. Self-esteem is overstated. Narcissists admire themselves and constantly extol their actions, love to brag, exaggerate their significance. They are egocentric, the world should revolve around them, if you do not agree with them, you can immediately fall into the category of enemies.

The need to be the best

A person is in constant striving to be better than others. He tries to be impeccable in everything from small things to large matters. This is the image of the head girl who is the best student, tries to please all teachers, to be praised, and at the same time belittles the merits of others in order to look brighter against their background. Often it comes not about real achievements, but about fictional or bloated ones.

The biggest fear is failure. Even the smallest loss is painful. More often than not, such people are workaholics, using work to polish their excellence. They absolutely do not accept criticism, it knocks them out of a rut. Vindictiveness awakens in them, a desire to humiliate others, just to regain leadership.

The need for prestige

Such people are dependent on how they look in the eyes of others. They strive to look successful, this is not always true. They are snobbish. They are brand fans, such people will spend their last money on new model iPhone and at the same time will feed on the infusion. They communicate only with the “elite”, whom they consider significant for emphasizing their status. They treat interlocutors whose status is lower than theirs. They often suffer from self-addiction, addicted to social networks.

The need to be "invisible"

These people avoid life, are content with little. Any change for them is associated with leaving the comfort zone. They don't believe they can improve anything in their lives. Self-doubt is so developed that a person cannot even admit that he has the resources for development, but he is simply afraid to fulfill his desires. On the one hand, it is calm with them, they do not stick out their "I". But such a person will not go out into society, he will slow down the development of a friend or soul mate, stubbornly refuses any innovations and it is difficult to convince him.

Difficult personality types

Bad temper can be classified into several types.

Aggressive

Main features:

hostile attitude;
tendency to conflict;
manifestation of aggression;
increased exactingness.

A person who fancies conflicts. Tries to control everything around. He says everything directly, believes that his innocence should be recognized by everyone. He sees the goal and does not see obstacles, he is ready to go over his head, if necessary. Control and power are what he values \u200b\u200bmore than anything else.

Exploiting

Main features:

obsession;
constant criticism;
the desire to suppress the rest.

It is believed that everyone should indulge him. His needs and desires are higher than those of others. He openly manipulates people, taking advantage of acquaintances, communication. They differ from the aggressive type in that they are more plastic, think flexibly, play on other people's weaknesses. Intriguer, loves to under-speak, keep in the dark, uncertainty always turns in his favor.

Avoiding

Main features:

avoids everything from responsibility to conflict;
secretive;
doesn't trust anyone.

A person lives in a shell, does not allow anyone to approach him, keeps a distance in communication. He is always suspicious, does not trust even close people, expects a catch from everything and everyone. Sometimes he is cynical and aggressive, especially if someone is trying to cross his personal boundaries. It is difficult to rely on him, since it is impossible to say what is on the mind of such a person.

In their pure form, types are extremely rare, therefore various bad traits can manifest themselves in people. Bad temper is also subjective. For example, if a person does not act the way another would like, his temper can be called complex. You need to understand that a complex character becomes as a result of upbringing or accumulated experience.

Studying the personality of a person, be it a woman, a man or a child, you can always identify a bad tendency to unseemly behavior due to, for example, mistakes in upbringing, psychological trauma. But even bad heredity can be protected. Consider the main negative traits of a human character.

Authoritarianism

Striving to dominate in everything, ignoring any needs of other people. Explicit or implicit demand for obedience and discipline from everyone with whom a person intersects. Someone else's opinion is not taken into account, any insubordination is suppressed without trying to find mutually profitable solution... It is believed that this is a typical negative trait of the Russian character.

Aggressiveness

The desire to conflict with others. In early childhood, this is a mandatory negative character trait of a child who studies ways to protect his interests. For an aggressive adult, provocative, sometimes deliberately false statements, a raised tone, and insults are typical. Sometimes attempts are made to influence the opponent physically.

Gambling

Painful desire to achieve the set goal, regardless of the size of the risks, ignoring their own and others' logical arguments about the excess of the amount of spending over the value of the desired result. It often causes situations that lead to lethal outcomeloss of health or significant financial loss.

Greed

Pathological desire for personal material gain in any situation. Getting profit at any cost becomes the only source positive emotions in life. At the same time, the duration of the pleasant sensations from the benefits received is extremely short-lived - due to the uncontrollable constant desire to get rich even more.

Apathy

Lack of an emotional response to most external stimuli due to a particular temperament or as a result of the body's defensive response to stress. It is one of the reasons for the impossibility of achieving even simple goals due to the inability or unwillingness to concentrate, make volitional efforts.

Carelessness

Careless fulfillment of obligations due to unwillingness to act according to the rules already known to all or a lack of understanding of the algorithms necessary to quickly and least costly achieve existing goals. This is often a typical negative character trait of a woman who has just escaped from excessive parental care.

Indifference

A real or deliberately demonstrated lack of interest in a specific subject, object, event, responsibilities due to innate emotional coldness, experienced severe stress or, instilled from infancy, a sense of superiority over people with a different social status, a different faith, nationality, race.

Irresponsibility

Deliberately chosen, imposed during upbringing or due to moral immaturity, the position of refusal from real awareness of the consequences of their own actions, unwillingness to make decisions that affect their own and others' quality of life. In complex everyday situations no active action is taken due to the expectation that the problem will resolve on its own.

Facelessness

Lack of individual traits, which is why an individual subject is easily "lost" in the general mass of people like him. In the process of communication, the “gray man” does not evoke sympathy because of his obsession with uninteresting topics; in a team he is lacking in initiative, boring, fears innovations and opposes them in every possible way.

Ruthlessness

Emotional indifference to other people's troubles, inability or unwillingness to condole, sympathize with people in particular and living beings in general, experiencing physical or emotional pain. Sometimes it is deliberate inhumanity in actions that lead to suffering and even death of the objects chosen as victims.

Unceremoniousness

Intentional or unconscious violation of norms, the sequence of actions taken in a given society in relation to some specific situation... The reason for intentional swagger may be the desire to provoke a conflict or draw attention to one's own person, unconscious - errors of upbringing, emotional immaturity.

Talkativeness

A painful need to constantly participate in a dialogue with one or more interlocutors, regardless of the meaningfulness of the conversation, the degree of enthusiasm for the rest of the participants, the relevance of the conversation. The main purpose of such an interlocutor is not to receive new informationrather, the role of a storyteller in contact with someone. At the same time, he can spread the information that others would prefer to keep secret.

Windiness

The inability to keep any promises and take into account other people's interests, the lack of the ability to move for a long time to achieve one goal, the desire to constantly change the circle of friends, partners. Lack of principles and clear behavioral boundaries, the rapid fading of interest in a particular occupation, person.

Lust for power

A passionate desire for control over everyone and the expectation of unquestioning obedience, the desire for unlimited power, especially over the more educated and skilled. Delight in their own superior position in situations when others are forced to seek help or seek protection, material support.

Suggestibility

In a pathological form, it is a subconscious tendency to perceive behavior imposed from the outside without one's own conscious comprehension and weighing the results from one's actions performed under the influence of someone else's authority. However, decreased suggestibility can cause learning difficulties.

Vulgarity

Inability to find a balance between originality and vulgarity in communication, when choosing clothes, social guidelines, and so on. For example, during a dialogue, the interlocutor communicates in a raised tone, mannered, does not disdain greasy jokes. When choosing an outfit, he prefers catchy things, and constituent elements often do not go well with each other.

Stupidity

The inability or unwillingness to determine logically correct conclusions even from the simplest everyday tasks, the tendency to see a healthy grain in pseudoscientific and populist statements, the inability to subject information from sources that are independently elevated to the status of authoritative reasonably critical analysis.

Pride

Confidence in the social, moral, mental insignificance of others, inability to forgive for personal and other people's mistakes, denial of the possibility of having worthy features in other subjects of society. It develops against the background of imbalances in education, personality degradation due to illness, immaturity of the personality, coupled with a high social status.

Coarseness

Unwillingness to adhere to the polite format of communication with interlocutors, accepted in a normal society, due to personality deformation due to illness, injury, stress, or the frequent need to take a defensive position when encroaching on territory and rights. Typical manifestations: communication in a raised voice, rudeness, obscene language.

Greed, stinginess

Striving to minimize costs, even at the expense of health, basic hygiene and common sense. The pathological pursuit of material stability can manifest itself in the form of refusal to get rid of garbage, trash, ignoring justified requests loved one on the acquisition of essential items.

Cruelty

The desire to cause discomfort to living subjects for the sake of personal moral satisfaction. The impact on the victim can be both intangible - in the form of insults and refusal to satisfy some important emotional needs, and physical - through infliction of pain, torment, encroachment on life.

Forgetfulness

Failure to remember any data necessary in everyday life, a combination of actions to achieve a specific goal, an algorithm for starting or shutting down the device. It occurs due to age-related changes in the brain, information overload. May be a consequence stressful situationthat you want to forget.

Dependence

The desire to enjoy the performance of actions or the use of a certain substance, even if the source of pleasant emotions is harmful to health, relationships with others, leads to large spending, pushes to a crime because of the desire to achieve a "high", in the absence of legal access to it.

Envy

Inability to enjoy any personal benefits, achievements, qualities. A tendency to constantly compare the values \u200b\u200bof oneself and others. Moreover, the "crumbs" on the foreign side always seem larger, tastier and more desirable than their own "placers". In a pathological form, it deprives of cheerfulness, the ability to soberly evaluate one's own and other people's dignity.

Complexity

Constant belittling in their own eyes of their own natural talents, trained abilities, denial of the value of personal achievements, inability to force oneself to declare personal achievements in the circle of authorities. Formed due to overly strict parenting, psychological trauma or illness nervous system.

Boring

The habit of lecturing everyone and everywhere, discussing the same topic repeatedly, despite the obvious lack of interest in it among people who are trying to draw into dialogue. The reason lies in the pathological love of attention and endless conversations on any topic, even if the instigator of the conversation is a complete layman in the topic under discussion.

Anger

Emotional manifestation of strong dissatisfaction with something, a landmark that indicates the presence of clearly uncomfortable conditions for a person. In the absence of actions that eliminate the cause of the formation of feelings, over time it can push you to commit an offense, so you should not ignore the manifestations of anger.

Spoiledness

A bad habit to demand the fulfillment of your desire as soon as possible, without taking into account the possibilities of the person to whom the claim is made. Refusal to control and restrain one's own needs, to endure the slightest inconvenience, and personally make emotional and physical efforts to achieve what one wants.

Laziness

Lack of desire to strain for personal needs, a tendency to spend days idle. The behavior shows the desire to gain comfort at the expense of the work of others, a deep aversion to useful activities, even in minimal volumes. When applying for a job, this negative character trait for a resume should not be indicated.

Deceit

Deliberate, systematic statement to the interlocutors of inaccurate information with a slanderous purpose, for their own benefit or masking personal mistakes in some kind of activity. The pathological form is inherent in insecure individuals who try to impress others with fictional stories about themselves.

Hypocrisy

Feigned assurances of love, sincere admiration and goodwill towards the interlocutor during a conversation with him. The purpose of such behavior is ingratiating themselves and the desire to flatter for their own benefit, while hiding the true, perhaps even spiteful, moods towards the participant in the dialogue or the object of the conversation.

Flattering

A tendency to excessive constant praise aloud of other people's real and imaginary virtues, virtues, for the sake of their own self-interest. The object of exaltation may be and knowingly negative actions, the actions of an influential person, specially whitewashed by the flatterer and voiced by him as the only correct decision in the situation under consideration.

Curiosity

In a pathological form, it is the desire to find out the information of interest regardless of decency, personal feelings of the questioned and the situation of the situation in which communication takes place. Unhealthy curiosity is caused by a painful desire to be aware of even those events that are not related to the interested person.

Pettiness

The habit of giving great value their insignificant statements, actions. The widespread protrusion of their imaginary achievements in contrast to the really important and heroic deeds surrounding people. Attention to ordinary details to the detriment of values, the desire to obtain reports on household expenses up to "one thousandth".

Vindictiveness

The tendency to focus personal attention on all small and large troubles, everyday conflicts, far-fetched grievances, in order to be sure to pay back a hundredfold to each of the offenders over time. In this case, the duration of the time interval from the moment of receiving a real or imaginary insult does not matter.

Impudence

Impudent behavior in any situations, the desire to achieve what you want with minimal cost and "over the heads" of others. Such behavior is formed with the wrong upbringing, because of a difficult childhood, or, conversely, because of pampering, which has consolidated the habit of always getting what you want at any cost.

Arrogance

The perception of the majority of those around them as subjects of a deliberately lower category due to an invented difference in social status or real discrepancy in material, national, racial or other grounds. The reason may be a defensive reaction to the wounding of pride in the past or distortions in upbringing.

Annoyance

Inability or unwillingness to independently deal with emerging problems, have fun or rest. The reason may lie in emotional immaturity, a fear of loneliness, a desire to increase self-esteem through active participation in the lives of other people, even if they experience obvious discomfort from this and openly declare it.

Narcissism

Unreasonable and groundless self-praise, self-admiration under any circumstances, the desire to embellish the results of one's actions and the actions taken, selfishness, indifference not only to strangers, but also to loved ones, interest only in personal comfort and benefit.

Negligence

Unwillingness to qualitatively fulfill the obligations taken or assigned, disregard in behavior with people in everyday or professional relationships, insufficient attention to trusted values, inability - due to poor education or personal deformation, to understand the importance of diligence when working on something.

Resentment

Increased negative reaction to everyday troubles due to hypertrophied egoism. It is because of him that you want the world to spin at your feet, and those around you, forgetting about their own needs, meet expectations around the clock and all year round: they are polite, generous and caring, striving to ensure the comfort of others.

Limitation

The confidence that the true picture of the world is available only to you, and other explanations for the structure of the universe and the principles of human interaction with environment - a solid invention of narrow-minded dorks. It arises due to insufficient education, a congenital developmental defect that prevents the adequate assimilation of educational information.

Alarmism

The tendency to accept as reality the imaginary catastrophic consequences of any, even insignificant, incidents in one's own life and the world as a whole. It is a manifestation of a bad upbringing by a reinsurer, an overly violent fantasy or a disorder of the nervous system due to stress or illness.

Vulgarity

An inclination to pretentious outfits, demonstration of real or ostentatious material security through the acquisition of unnecessary luxury items. Or, and sometimes in combination, a passion for greasy jokes, obscene anecdotes, often voiced in an absolutely inappropriate setting for the sake of arousing feelings of awkwardness in the bulk of the audience.

Irritability

A negative reaction to a stimulus, expressed in an excessive manifestation of emotions, the saturation of which does not correspond to the strength of the influence of an unpleasant factor for some reason. The cause of irritability can be external or internal, caused by an overload of the nervous system or exhaustion of the body by a disease.

Wastefulness

Inability to rationally spend income, including the desire to systematically or constantly make acquisitions for the sake of the process itself, and not for the purpose of exploiting the purchased item or thing. It is based on the desire to feel like a "master of the world", to correspond to the status of a financially secure person.

Jealousy

Showing dissatisfaction or distrust to a subject that has a certain value for the jealous person. It is expressed by a suspicion of infidelity or a greater emotional predisposition to another person (in the place of the accused, not only the spouse, but also the mother, sister, friend - the list can be endless).

Self-criticism

The habit of justifiably and unreasonably incriminating oneself in a variety of sins of various sizes. For example, in insufficient attention to the fulfillment of duties, although in reality at work or in a relationship, a person gives all the best. Possible reasons: low self-esteem, actively supporting the concerned environment, perfectionism.

Overconfidence

Unreasonable exaltation of their abilities, allegedly allowing them to cope with a certain or any task. It is the cause of bragging and risky behavior, often committed with the rejection of safety rules, the laws of physics and the arguments of logic. It is based on inexperience, dependence on the desire to live on the brink of a foul.

Weakness

Lack of the ability to perform a volitional effort for the sake of a desired goal or to resist dangerous, illegal temptations, morally degraded individuals. The tendency to submit to other people's decisions, even when they require serious sacrifices. Such a negative trait of a man's character can make him the object of ridicule in the team.

Cowardice

The inability to resist the opponent due to insufficient developed strength will, susceptibility to phobia. It can be expressed in flight from the scene of some events because of an imaginary or real danger to own health, life, despite leaving other possible participants in the accident at risk.

Vanity

The desire to receive praise for real and imaginary achievements. Striving first of all to have a positive image, and not be worthy of compliments. Indistinctness as voiced endorsements - flattery is also perceived favorably. Moreover, there is not always the ability to distinguish it from sincere statements.

Stubbornness

The desire to act only according to their own ideas about the fidelity of the chosen path, rejection of authorities, ignorance of well-known rules purely because of the habit of acting as he himself decided. Lack of the ability to be flexible when interests clash, unwillingness or inability to take into account the goals and capabilities of others.

Selfishness

Conscious self-love, the desire to live in comfort, regardless of the possible inconveniences that result from this for others. Their interests are always exalted above the desires of other people, the opinions of the latter on this and other reasons are never taken into account. All decisions are based only on their own benefit.

Negative character traits are found in everyone, but they are expressed to a greater or lesser extent. Laziness, pride, doubts, deceit, greed, fears can ruin life very much if you do not learn to cope with them. Even one quality may be enough to make it unbearable to be around a person, and if there is a complete set, it greatly affects the social circle.

How to change character

It is impossible to force a person to change if he does not want to. Only in childhood can parents or loved ones influence a person, then only he himself can make decisions to become different. For transformation, you need to understand what exactly is negative in character, what is worth fixing. To do this, contact your loved ones and ask what they don't like. And do not shout at them, do not be offended, but listen. People around you always know better, and if they love you, they will not lie. Use them to create a list of negative traits and take a close look at it.

You can only fix what you agree with. Analyze each quality, think about the situations when it, find out what was the cause and effect. Observation, awareness is a huge step towards a new character. And only after the analysis is it worth starting to react in a different way. It can be difficult to change your behavior right away, but it will get better over time. Each time, just think about what to say, what to do, do not act out of habit, but go beyond the past.

Errors in changing behavior

People sometimes discover laziness in themselves, realize it and decide to get rid of it. This is the wrong position. If something is forcibly removed, if something is ignored, it will appear again and again. One should not fight with oneself, but simply choose a different direction. For example, being active is the opposite of laziness. The correct wording of the change will sound like this: increase your activity, start being implemented with great enthusiasm. This creates a vector of development, helps to improve their achievements.

The opposite of resentment is the ability to forgive, the other side of greed is generosity, removing resentment, strive for forgiveness. Each negative quality has its opposite, it is this that allows you to change and move forward. Write down your negative traits, find positive ones for them and record them on paper. And every day try to get better, work on yourself, watch your behavior and speech. Just a few months of training will make you so much better.

Special trainings can help in changing consciousness. Today, many classes are held on the Internet, some are devoted to liberation from negative experiences, reducing aggression, and increasing performance. All of them are capable of helping in transformation. But it is important to understand that listening is very useful, but you also need to do exercises that will make your workouts effective.

How to tell a bad temper from a good one

Character is the individual identity of a person, what characterizes his in basic personality traits. In the specialized literature, you can find, for example, the following phrase: "Gas with a characteristic odor." That is, this characteristic odor alone can distinguish this gas from many others. It's the same with the character of a person - he, if any, shows distinctive features this person, as it were, "betrays" his master.

1. Character makes a person predictable. But this predictability applies only to some situations, not all. If a person does not like to lie, then he is predictable only in that he will not lie (or will, but extremely reluctantly). We will not be able to foresee what exactly he will tell us. If someone is prone to verbal aggression (angry at the tongue), then we can be sure that sooner or later he will attack someone with reproaches or insults, but at whom exactly - we cannot know this.

People without character, on the contrary, are either completely predictable, or completely unpredictable. Predictability is a consequence of a passive life position, and unpredictability is a consequence of "mess in the head" and (or) complete dependence on third parties. Remember this: passivity betrays in a person only a lack of character.

2. Good character or bad is largely a matter of taste. Learn yourself (as they say, at your own peril and risk) to understand people, in their characters. If you are looking for a friend or spouse, then a person with a constructive, harmonious character will suit you. But if suddenly you want to suffer, experience many unpleasant adventures, then a person with a destructive, disharmonious, selfish character is quite suitable for you.

A person who has a constructive character, is aimed, is disposed to cooperate. He is confident that both of you benefit from cooperation. He will not oppose his interests and yours.

A person with a destructive character is constantly looking for personal gain, over and over again he makes the same mistake: "The best is the enemy of the good." He sees only his own personal benefit, as soon as he notices that he has not squeezed everything possible from the relationship with you, he "tightens the nut" of the relationship even tighter. Sooner or later, in a relationship, the thread breaks down, and the egoist then looks for new friends.

If you are just starting to look closely at a person, then give him some checks (tests, so to speak). Try to find out the degree of willingness of this person to cooperate.

No wonder they say that "You can't even cook porridge with such a person." So try to start by uniting your efforts to cook something: cook borscht together, stick dumplings, etc. If a person calmly and judiciously gets down to business and completes it, this is one thing. If he starts to play around, constantly twist, look for personal gain, charge you unpleasant work, show off, accuse you, this is different.

IN joint activities bad temper will show itself very quickly. Therefore, arrange other checks as well. You can, for example, go camping or take care of a sick grandmother. If a person immediately abandons this or that idea, this does not mean anything. If he took it, but then could not do anything, while making you guilty, then on the contrary, it says a lot.

3. A person's constructive character develops his abilities. After all, it takes a lot of time, diligence and others to develop abilities. positive qualities... Even if a person just has pleasant manners, this already says a lot. This means that a person loves and knows how to work on himself. If he has sports or intellectual achievements, then this is even better.

If all the “abilities” of a person consist only of the ability to lie and adapt, then you definitely cannot cook porridge with such a person. Sooner or later he will deceive you too. He will wait for the most opportune moment when you least expect deception and when it is most profitable to deceive you, and will deceive.

So always pay attention to the person's ability, they are not only a consequence of some natural inclinations, but also the result of the work of character.