There are three possible reasons. Why We Don't Achieve Our Goals

Jessica Stillman, blogger at CBS MoneyWatch, GigaOM and Brazen Careerist, in a column for Inc. told why we fail to achieve our goals, how not to be afraid of change and be ready to take risks for the sake of our dreams. LIGA.net translated the post.

Each of us can name a million and one possible cause why we never managed to make our dreams come true. From lack of money or the number of hours in a day, to family circumstances or health problems. But no matter what you try to cover up, at the heart of all failures lies one of three emotional problems. So say the authors of the book "Changing to Thrive" - psychologist and founder of the Cancer Prevention Research Center James Prochaska and CEO Pro-Change Behavior Systems Janice Prochaska.

Psychology vs logic

The Prochaska couple believe that ignoring emotional and psychological barriers, - g main reason for the failure of change models. Many psychologists assume that if someone is not ready for decisive action (what Prochaski calls " preliminary stage"changes"), they are automatically immune to any attempt to help them. In this case, such a belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Jill Sutty, book reviewer for the Greater Good Science Center, notes that the main message of Changing to Thrive is that it is the mental attitude, not the logical thinking, - the main driver of positive changes in our lives. Typically, the emotional barriers to such desired changes fall into three categories:

People often do not understand the essence of transformation. Many people think that change should be done in an all-or-nothing fashion. They don't understand that the process can be full of failures and additional costs both monetary and temporary.
People are demoralized. Often such a psychological state is a consequence of repeated failures in the past.
People often obsess over their behavior and try to justify inaction instead of being proactive about future changes in their lives. It's even worse when they shift their problems onto others.

Familiar situation? Any person, changing his position in life, for example, making a decision to lose weight or quit smoking, faced with these psychological barriers. In addition, such nuances can negatively affect not only the life of a particular person, but also business. Each of us probably knows one or two entrepreneurs whose business fails, but instead of changing, they diligently defend the status quo, as in situation number three. Or you know a person who dreams of quitting his job to start his own business, but is paralyzed by uncertainty and possible problems like situation number one.

Overcoming emotional barriers

How to overcome emotional barriers? Prochaska's recommendations come down to the fact that it is important to be a little kinder and more tolerant to a person who is planning or trying to change something in his life. Be it yourself or someone from your friends or acquaintances. According to research, tightening or putting pressure on a person in such a case will only aggravate the situation. What really helps is explaining to people that failure, fear and uncertainty of choice is a completely normal part of all change. Try to accept yourself the way you are.

This method is much more effective in achieving the set goals than fighting windmills and eliminating the alleged shortcomings.

For those who are trying to change their lives, psychologists recommend arming positive attitude. How to reach it? Meditate, feel free to be grateful, find sources of inspiration or reverence. Find a creative passion that will give meaning to your life.

Goal setting is something without which not a single wish of a person can do. In order to get what you want, you need to clearly calculate the steps on the way to success. But how to do it, and is it possible for everyone? After all, some people say that in principle they are not capable of planning something, although regardless of this they always achieve what they want. Is it a deception or an internal miscalculation that a person does not attribute to a plan to achieve what he wants?

Why does a person have a goal?

In fact, everything may seem quite banal.

In 90% of cases, a person will set this or that goal due to the fact that he does not want to be different from the rest.

More precisely, he does not want to seem worse. You can remember yourself. How often do you want new car, clothes, Jewelry or a phone just because one of your friends got a similar thing? In most cases, many women want to start repairs in the house for the reason that the neighbor has already re-pasted the wallpaper and decided to change the furniture. Such cases are very common, so it is necessary to understand their root causes.

The desire to appear better than others, or at least not worse. Trite, but it will depend on the purchase of certain things or on an increase in earnings, a trip on vacation, success.

A person understands that the resources available to him are in a critical state, something urgently needs to be done.

There is a situation of hopelessness. For example, if you do not fulfill certain conditions, you can lose your job.

The desire to get better and improve.

Unfortunately, this item occupies only 5-6% of the total number of goals that people set. However, if you build the right logical chain, then you can understand that such an approach to solving a wide variety of problems will give much more than a simple desire to be no worse than others. Here you will no longer be chasing someone, but other people will try to imitate you, and you will become their guide.

What can get in the way of reaching your goal?

Before you start setting goals and plans, counting the steps in your victory, you need to understand the main points due to which a person refuses to go towards what was planned. Yes, it actually happens. Therefore, it is important to consider the main "traps" on the way to the desired success and achievement of certain heights.

Fear

Often people perform certain actions because they think about the possibility of failure, their non-achievement. If there is a focus on defeat, and not on victory, then fear binds hands and feet, it is pointless to set a goal. It is for this reason that many are afraid to leave their old, boring job, to strive for something new, to have more. By the way, fear can concern not only the feeling of failure. People are afraid that because of the defeat, others will laugh at them, they will spread rot, and therefore refuse to set themselves a goal.

Every person has a certain amount of laziness. In some, it is expressed in the fact that there is a desire to constantly lie on the couch and do nothing. Others consider themselves lazy because they don't want to do the same things over and over again. Therefore, it is easier for them to do the job once with high quality than to do it carelessly and redo it 10 times. Unfortunately, in most cases, laziness will be a manifestation of the fact that a person is not motivated enough. What does it mean? This indicates that the goal set by a person will not be equal to the efforts that will be expended to achieve it. Such an example can often be seen in many companies and firms, when employees have the opportunity to receive a bonus, but the money at stake is not worth their hard work for six months.

Violent motivation

It also happens very often at work. On his own, a person will not create such a situation for himself, since he knows exactly what he needs and what he does not. Forced motivation can be attributed to the case when, for example, in a company where a person works, a certain remuneration is at stake. And this is not money, but some kind of object ( Appliances voucher for a trip to a sanatorium). The bosses do not have the opportunity to modify the prize, so the boss is trying to motivate you to receive this gift. How? It can create the appearance that you simply cannot live without this thing, that you need it like air, so it is important to make every effort to achieve what you want. However, the caveat is that you do not need it, so you do not want to strive for this goal.

The main barrier is failure. How to set a goal without fear?

This point needs to be considered in great detail. Remember how many times Edison made mistakes before he invented the lamp? Why did he keep working? Because he clearly saw his goal, and understood that in the end he would get what he wanted. Now you can often observe how after one or two failures a person simply gives up. He understands that he cannot achieve what he wants, so he does not continue to fight further. This is fundamentally the wrong decision.

How to correct your attitude to unsuccessful attempts?

Treat every failure as a new life experience. Let nothing work out for you 10 times in a row, but in the future you will know how to behave in a given situation and how to do the right thing.

Treat failure as a workout. What will be the result? You will have certain reflexes and "immunity" to each of the failed attempts in the future.

Collect failed attempts. It may sound silly, but during each task, collect a collection of failures. Why is that? Each next miss will lead to the fact that your collection will be replenished, which will not fail to cheer you up. Few people can boast of such an interesting hobby. At the same time, a successful attempt or achievement of the goal cannot upset you, because you were able to achieve what you wanted. This option may seem ridiculous, but it works.

How to go to your goal?

In fact, there is no definite plan or panacea, adhering to which you can absolutely achieve a positive result. The thing is that each person thinks differently than the other. Some methods may work for him, while others will not produce the desired effect. In this case, it is necessary to consider quite popular and interesting ways that apply.

Approximately 70 - 75% of the success of the case depends on the correct calculation of their actions.

The remainder will be achieved according to the principle "the eyes are afraid, but the hands are doing." If you have a well-defined plan, then you just have to act methodically. But it is very important that you map your actions correctly, otherwise everything can go to hell. What should be done for this?

Set yourself an achievable goal. Please note that it must be achieved with certain efforts and actions, but at the same time be real. An easily achievable goal will not be interesting enough, and one that is impossible to achieve in principle will cease to motivate you very soon.

Determine a clear period by which you must achieve what you want. It is impossible to describe its wording next year. You must specify exactly that, for example, on 01/01/2018 you will receive what you want. We decided to set a goal - make it accurate and tangible.

The goal must be specific. That is, if you want to buy a car, then the simple wording “I want to buy a car” will not suffice. You must determine for yourself a clear time when you want to get or purchase a BMW X5 in black 2017 with a beige interior with a volume of 4.4 and automatic transmission. That is, it says that you must draw every detail of your goal.

Divide your entire work period into specific periods. What is it for? Initially, you will be able to make a cut for each period, in addition, you will be able to visually evaluate your results and see how close you are to what you want. For example, if you decide to do three periods, then the total amount of work must be determined as follows. In the first period, try to complete 50% of the planned, in the second period -35%, and in the third - 15%. Why is that?

As soon as you decide to achieve something, your desire is stronger than it will be in the future. Therefore, thanks to inspiration and the desire to work, you will be able to complete more of them, and in the future it will be easier to set goals. Toward the middle of the period, you will have a certain decline in activity, but you will still clearly see the desired moments and try to achieve them. Approaching the end, you can lose a lot of strength. Also, make allowances for unforeseen circumstances that may arise. And in the end, having almost 90% of the completed plan, it will be a pity for you to deviate from the intended goal.

Additional satellites of success and their implementation

By following these tips, you will be 100% able to achieve results:

Constantly visualize your goal. Imagine what you want in all its glory, scroll through this virtual video in your head all the time.
Tell your loved ones about your plans. Periodically, they will support you, and maybe laugh. In the first case, you will have a feeling of support; in the second, you will want to spite them to achieve what you want.
Imagine that you already have this thing or position that you are striving for. It is important that you already feel like the owner of what you want, remember your emotions at this moment. So you do not want to part with what you could create in your thoughts, and this will be an additional incentive.
Be sure to record absolutely all your action goals on paper.

There are many materials and methods on the Internet that promise to make any person successful, help achieve goals and increase productivity. As you know, trust but verify.

We decided to tell why the goals remain unachieved. And also why blindly following all the recommendations will not make you successful.

"There are no lazy people. There are goals that do not inspire" - Tony Robbins.

Reason #1

Blind faith in productivity techniques. The author of each technique is the same person as you, with his own characteristics and cockroaches in his head. And his cockroaches might not get along with yours. In other words, what is good for a Russian is death for a German.

If you consciously want to improve your performance, spend Special attention individual choice of technique. Otherwise, there is a chance of harming yourself.

Reason #2

Unclear understanding of one's own motives and desires. Often people do things for the reason “because it’s necessary”, “my neighbor has it”, “it’s time”. own desires for some reason they don't count. As a result, the lack of one's goals leads to self-deception and the fulfillment of the goals of other people.

Doing what you do not need, do not expect from yourself to be productive. Because deep down you know that you don't need it. First of all, clearly answer the question: “What am I doing and why?”

Reason #3

Desire to get immediate results. Become a powerful jock in one session gym no one will be able to. Likewise in any other matter. It seems to be understandable. But for some reason, many people get upset and quit without getting an instant result.

The road will be mastered by the walking one. Be patient, answer the question from the previous paragraph again and continue to work.

Reason #4

Everyone knows about your goals. You tell your friends and acquaintances about them, you look forward to success and are already rejoicing in it. Scientists have proven that the likelihood of achieving a goal decreases as everyone learns about your plans. more of people. The brain plays a cruel joke with us and, as it were, puts us in front of open target the "done" checkbox.

Do not waste energy - go to the goal silently.

Reason #5

Too much effort. It should be understood that productivity does not equal intensity. It's not a fact that working for 12 hours won't be more productive than a 6-hour workflow. But it will require more effort.

Distribute the forces correctly and enjoy the result.

By the way, if there is no strength at all, and the work does not fulfill itself and does not run away into the forest, use a 10% discount on.

Reason #6

Too many goals. People not only want it all at once, they also want everything. And if you want everything at once, your eyes will run wide, and your hands will not understand what to grab onto. In the end, you will take on something completely unnecessary.

Set your priorities.

Reason #7

Forgetfulness. For example, you want to learn how to draw. But remember this when you drive the car on the way home. At home, you watch a series, walk your dog, lie on the couch, or maybe do something useful. Attention dissipates, and it is possible to remember about drawing only the next day.

Write down your goal on a piece of paper and hang it where you can see it. This will help. Not for everyone, but it will help (see point 1).

Henry Ford is a man who knew exactly what he wanted. Here is what he said: "Obstacles are those terrible things that you see when you take your eyes off the goal."

Reason #8

Unattainable goals. More precisely, the goals that seem so. Having set a large goal for yourself, you can be scared, embarrassed, doubt your abilities and get scared.

To avoid this, break one large goal into several small, intermediate ones.

Reason #9

Lack of goals. You will say: "Thank you, cap!" But in fact, this is a problem for a huge number of people. As Stephen Covey said, "Because we don't know what's really important to us, everything seems to be important..."

Set a goal and life will become much more interesting.

Reason #10

procrastination. So much has already been said about her that I don’t even want to talk about it. Simple: beat procrastination, drive it away, it is the enemy!

How to achieve your goal

No one will achieve your own goals for you. But our student service will help to formulate and correctly reveal the purpose of any term paper or thesis. Contact us! Our goal: to make your study easy and enjoyable. And we know how.

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It is human nature to measure one's life by achievements and successes. And if progress is not observed, people begin to doubt themselves and their abilities. We dream, we strive, and we get upset if we don’t get what we want. About why some goals are destined to forever remain unfulfilled, says a psychologist Evgeny Idzikovsky.

Reason 1. The goal was not set in principle

This is one of the most common causes, but also the most obscure. A person is dissatisfied with their behavior in a certain situation - whether it is a work meeting, a date or a vacation. But at the same time he cannot clearly articulate what exactly he wanted to achieve.

Lack of purpose leads to chaotic, locally oriented behavior. We begin to react passively to what is happening or move in a random direction. It is not surprising that the results do not suit us.

Do you want long term results? Set specific goals!

Reason 2. An incorrect or unmeasurable goal was set

"I want to earn more money". "I want to learn English". "I want to be happy."

These are all just desires, they are too generalized and do not have a clearly measurable result. The goal should be specific, and its achievement should be easy to check:

I want to learn English to the Intermediate level, I'll check it with a test.

I want a stable income in the amount of at least X rubles, I will check with receipts on the card and in cash for 6 months in a row.

Ask yourself a test question: “How will I know that my goal has been achieved?”. If you can't give a clear answer, then we are talking about banal desire.

Evgeny Idzikovsky

Psychologist, hypnotherapist

In the absence of specifics, we can generally subconsciously impede the implementation of our plans - or first experience a short burst of enthusiasm, after which the energy will be redirected to a more constructive channel. For example, when after only 7 days of active study foreign language there is a temptation to interrupt classes - and all because the goal was not set to achieve certain results in a limited period of time.

Think about exactly what steps you need to take on the path to happiness and set them as goals for yourself. This approach allows you to structure information, determine the methods for achieving the desired and control your progress.

Reason 3. The goal is not fixed in time

"I want to learn English to an Intermediate level someday."

No matter how diligently you study, the lack of an exact deadline is relaxing - you do not need to overcome yourself, fight laziness or fatigue. After all, "someday" may come in a year or five years, but definitely not today or in the next month.

Correct goal setting: “In a year I will learn English to Intermediate”. Don't let the process become sluggish, be sure to set deadlines - this will keep you on your toes.

Reason 4. An unattainable goal has been set

“I want to win the heart of the beauty from the next entrance by the end of the month.” “I want to become a billionaire in six months.” "I want to get a helicopter license next quarter."

Even if the goals are set correctly, it is very important to know exactly how you will achieve them. If the strategy is not worked out, then attempts to succeed will only deplete your internal resource and will not give any positive results. Such a result awaits even in the case when the plan is carefully thought out, but at the same time it is obviously unrealistic: you will invest in its implementation physically and emotionally, but you will only get disappointment in the end.

Before you start realizing your goals, you need to check them for feasibility. If in doubt, you should ask for an outside opinion. Be sure to identify ways to objectively monitor progress!

Reason 5. The goal is unimportant or irrelevant in this moment

Goals, the achievement of which will not change anything in our lives, are hopeless. You know that speaking English is good and right. But in the same way, you understand that a foreign language will not be useful to you either in life or in work. Therefore, even if everything is correctly formulated and a plan is made, most likely, you will not start implementation. Indeed, why put in the effort if it doesn't pay off?

When setting a goal, think about whether the result is worth the effort. And in general, whether the desired is imposed from the outside - for example, a parental dream that they are trying to realize through you.

It is human nature to avoid foreign or unnecessary goals. But if there is a real, only your own reason to achieve something, there will be reserves of strength to do it.

Reason 6. Conflict of priorities

It is important to objectively evaluate not only the “quality” of goals, but also their quantity. Even well-thought-out plans have a risk of being thwarted due to force majeure or a banal lack of strength.

Set goals with the understanding that the circumstances of your life may change. Put into the plan not a 100 percent return, but work in the amount of 60-70% of your maximum. Be realistic, control your condition and protect your body from exhaustion.

Reason 7. The goal has negative consequences

If your goal is associated with a frightening change, most likely you will refuse to achieve it.

Any shade of discomfort, fear or fear will erect an internal barrier that will prevent you from concentrating on what you want.

Therefore, if you are learning English in order to emigrate, but deep down you are afraid to start new life in a new country, admit it honestly and do not waste your energy on a cause whose results you will not be able to use.

Unfortunately, the obstacles on the way to the dream are not limited to this, and it is impossible to foresee all of them. But if you show patience and diligence, set a clear and desirable goal, write detailed plan and think through all the possible difficulties, your chances of achieving what you want will greatly increase.

It often happens that we set goals for ourselves, which for various reasons we cannot achieve. Either you don’t want to do anything, then you are constantly distracted, then you think that you need to prepare even better and put it off.

In this article, I would like to talk about how to properly motivate yourself to achieve your goals, what obstacles we have on the way and how to deal with them.

How do we set goals and what do they give us?
Everything seems to be simple here. We all know how to set goals: ambitious, large-scale, meeting SMART criteria.
It happens that we set ourselves a goal that needs to be fulfilled, wrote it down on paper and hung it on the wall. We look at it for a day, another, but nothing happens.

As in the poem by I. Huberman:
Sometimes you wake up like a bird
winged spring cocked,
and want to live and work;
but it goes away by breakfast.

And it happens differently when you were full of energy in the morning and jumped out of bed, burning with the desire to get to work. For example, when they were completing an exciting project or preparing for a wedding.

A good, right goal should not be some abstract dream, it should be a tool that will help you focus, get the right direction and feel the urgency.
So, having a goal gives you the following benefits:

Concentration. When we have a clear idea of the end result of what we want to achieve, our productivity increases significantly. Concentration gives mental calmness.
Orientation. When you purposefully begin to solve some problem, for example, you start playing sports or at least doing exercises in the morning, then a positive influence begins to appear long before you see the first significant results - this feeling appears as soon as you start moving towards the goal. Success, energy and enthusiasm are largely determined by direction.
Feeling of urgency. This feeling is manifested when you move quickly and purposefully. It happens that from the very morning you work quickly and efficiently, you don’t get distracted by nonsense, you don’t do unnecessary things, you don’t rush about like crazy, trying to do everything. A well-formulated goal energizes, brings a sense of excitement and urgency that will not arise if your life is ruled by chance.

How to set a goal so that it energizes

The goal must be meaningful to you. It would seem an obvious thing, but many people miss it. It is worth taking a closer look at this. Is it really important for you to achieve this goal or is it imposed by someone?
The goal must be specific and measurable. Often we set goals to “lose weight,” “earn more money,” “meet a girl,” “increase sales,” and tend to avoid deadlines. These goals lack specificity. Our brain operates with images, it needs specifics, a clear picture of where it should lead you. When there is no clear picture, he does not lead you anywhere - his task is to ensure safety, to preserve Current state affairs.
The target must be of the appropriate scale. The goal should be modest enough for you to believe in the reality of its implementation. For example, increasing sales next month by 500% is unlikely, but 10-20% is a more realistic goal.
The goal should be big enough that you have to put in extra effort to achieve it, and that it causes you some discomfort. This will allow you to get out of your comfort zone and give you strength to carry it out.
The goal must be written down. This criterion is also often neglected. It is extremely important to offer your mind an image of success in combination with its description. Write down where it is convenient: in a notebook, on stickers, in organizers, task managers. There are supporters of writing only on paper, but this is a matter of taste. Perfect option- arrange the goal in the form of a collage, hang it in the place where he will always be in sight and regularly reread the goal.
The goal should be repeated regularly. When you get used to the goals so much that they become part of you, then the fulfillment of such goals is almost guaranteed.

What to do if there are obstacles on the way to the goal?
You are determined to lose 5 kg by July 1 in order to look beautiful on the beach, but this week you have already missed going to the gym 2 times and are breaking your diet. Or you decide to increase sales by 30% this month, but you can’t find the motivation to make the right calls. As soon as we set about some business, obstacles inevitably arise. They are external and internal, and we sometimes perceive as external even those obstacles that we subconsciously created ourselves.
Obstacles can be emotional and mental.

Emotional obstacles

Unwillingness to take 100% responsibility.
Symptoms: you begin to look for someone to blame for the fact that you do not succeed. You blame the failures on the government, the state of the economy, your wife (husband), children, a foolish boss, or lazy subordinates.
Decision:
You need to understand that taking responsibility and taking blame are two different things. By admitting guilt, you indicate that you did wrong, and you accept responsibility in order to face the truth.
When you think about the future, set a goal and begin to strive for it, this itself already means that you accept responsibility. You are 100% responsible for your life.
Not wanting to look stupid
This obstacle is called the fear of criticism, the fear of failure, or the "Imposter Syndrome." Most are afraid to appear in front of others in a ridiculous way.
Symptoms: looking for answers. In words, he is ready to move mountains, and then he finds reasons to evade the task.
Decision:
Develop a strategy to achieve your goal and don't give in to fear. Get out of your comfort zone. In the vast majority, the fear of looking stupid is based on a non-existent danger.
Make sure that the chosen goal is really meaningful to you. Write down on paper why you want to achieve this goal, what will accomplish this goal, how you will feel when you realize this goal. This will increase your focus. When you strive for something that really captivates, then the opinion of others is of little interest. By thinking positively and focusing on achieving the goal, you will drive out fear.
Find a partner or coach who will support you, encourage you, and to whom you will report on the achievement of the goal.
Unwillingness to act
The set goals require the implementation of certain actions and often very decisive ones. If you want to lose weight, you need to go to the gym; If you want to increase sales, you need to communicate with people. Of course, without your efforts, nothing will happen. A rolling stone gathers no moss.
Symptoms:
1) Procrastination - the tendency to delay action.
2) Analysis paralysis - a person collects a lot of data, studies literature, attends webinars, but never gets to work.
Decision:
Go back to goal setting. Is the goal really the right scale? In many ways, this obstacle is due to confusion and self-doubt.
Formulate the goal so that you can clearly see the finish line.
Take the first step, the main thing is to start. It is worth making 1-2 calls to clients or going to the gym for the first time, and then it’s much easier. Like a visit to the dentist, only the first time is scary.

mental obstacles

Tendency to go astray.
Symptoms: I know what to come in good shape but the candies looked so tempting and they are so delicious. I sat down to write a letter to my partner, but suddenly I noticed how I had been playing solitaire for half an hour.
Decision:
Be specific and clear about your goals. In the absence of a clear and specific goal, the brain will always grab at the simplest and closest.
Since ancient times, the brain has been accustomed to notice everything unusual and pay attention to it. This skill was in high demand when a human could be attacked by a saber-toothed tiger, but now it allows us to be easily distracted. This requires strategy and willpower: find what usually leads astray and get rid of it.
Fear of the goal, unnecessary thoughts, overexertion
Symptoms: you feel that your goals are too ambitious or you feel too much excitement.
Decision:
Take time to think
Decompose the goal, divide it into digestible fragments. Write a clear sequence of steps to achieve the goal.
Turn goal achievement into a game. Decompose the goal and give yourself a small prize for reaching intermediate stages.

P.S. Set goals that energize you, and you will be lucky.