Methods and techniques of psychological protection. Emotional Dependence Technique

It is okay to feel anger sometimes, if you do not press it, but live it safely. To be in a claim to the world, when you want to control everything and everywhere, and when this does not happen - to be angry all the time - this is already abnormal. How abnormal it is not to be able to control it. Control is to let off steam in ways that are safe for everyone, without leaving anything in yourself and without dumping anything on others. How to do this?

Emotions live only through the body - analysis by the brain gives nothing. Because they live in the body, and through the body they go out. If you think and analyze, then I understand everything with my head, but still enrages.

For example, you have complicated relationship with mom. And if you just let off steam and scream into the pillow, without changing anything in your attitude towards your mother, then this is pointless. This is the same as taking pain relievers for a toothache and not going to the doctor. Teeth need to be treated, right? And the relationship needs to be healed. This is primary. justify; "> We will talk most of all about anger, because it is not clear what to do with it and what to do with it. And one way or another, in any complex interweaving of emotions, there is a lot of anger. The way out of many difficult conditions, such as feelings of guilt and resentment, occurs through anger. And by refusing to live it, we cannot go further.

But I ask you to separate anger as a momentary emotion, which naturally appears when something does not happen the way you wanted (this is the nature of anger), and anger as a character trait, that is, anger. It is okay to feel anger sometimes, if you do not press it, but live it safely. To be in a claim to the world, when you want to control everything and everywhere, and when this does not happen - to be angry all the time - this is already abnormal. How abnormal and not be able to control it.

Controlling anger doesn't mean not feeling it or suppressing it.

The control is to let off steam in ways that are safe for everyone, leaving nothing in yourself and not dumping anything on others. Imagine that anger is a natural waste product of the body, just like overcooked food. What happens if you consider this case "dirty" and stop going to the toilet? Forbid yourself to do this? What will be the outcome? Maybe our task is to create such a "toilet" for emotions - a place where we calmly and safely do something without harming anyone?

And I ask you very much to avoid premature spirituality in emotions. This is when it boils and hurts inside, and we press it all from above with the word "no" and delve into the reasons. Most often, this is how we treat other people's feelings, they say, I'll tell you now why you flew in by karma! Reasons are sought after the emotion has been released. It will be much easier for you to see all this with a sober head. Live first. Or let the person live, help him in this.

Now let's get started. I want to divide the ways of living emotions into constructive and destructive. Those that are harmless and those that hurt someone.

Destructive ways:

Pour on other people, especially those who "passed by."

At work, the boss took it out, but he couldn't express it in his face, so we come home - and it hits a cat, who turned up under the arm, that is, under his leg, or a child who again brought a "three". Sound familiar? And it seems that you will break through and it will become easier, but then comes the feeling of guilt - after all, the cat or the child has nothing to do with it.

Rudeness.

In the same situation, when the boss was infuriated, but the anger remained inside, you can not take this bomb home, knowing that it will explode there. And pour out your anger on the saleswoman who works slowly and makes a mistake, on those who stepped on your foot or crossed the road, and at the same time on those who are very annoying with a happy face. And also of little use. Even if there is no feeling of guilt, the negative emotions of another person, on whom all this is poured, will surely return to us one day. Again. That's how they walk back and forth while we are rude to each other.

Internet trolling

This method seems safer and more unpunished. An anonymous page without an avatar, even if with an avatar, they won't find and beat them for sure. Brought out the boss - you can go to someone's page and write nasty things - they say, that's how ugly! Or write nonsense! Or provoke some kind of argument on a complex topic, pouring mud on opponents, poking them with a needle in different places to hurt. But the law of karma also works here, even if the laws of the state are not everywhere yet.

Eat sweets

Another way that we, by the way, often see in films. When the heroine is abandoned by her beloved or cheated on her, what does she do? I have this picture in front of my eyes: a crying girl in bed watching a movie and eating a huge jar of ice cream. The harm of such an event, I think, is clear to many.

Swear

Another way may look like this: you got nasty, and you are rude in return. My husband came yelling at you - and you are yelling at him too. You seem to be honest. The person is the cause of your negative feelings, they urgently need to be expressed. But by doing so, you only fan the fire, intensify the conflict, and nothing good comes of it. A quarrel always takes out all our strength, including all hidden reserves, and after it we remain devastated and unhappy. Even if the argument is won.

Beat someone

Again - children, dogs, husband, boss (well, you never know). Any person who is the cause of your anger or just came to hand. Corporal punishment for children during a parent's emotional breakdown is very traumatic. They provoke in the child both a feeling of humiliation and a reciprocal hatred, which he cannot express in any way. If you hit your husband, you can get change, which, unfortunately, is not uncommon. And I have met statistics that about half of the women affected by domestic violence, started the fight first, not expecting that the man could fight back. This does not justify men, but it does not honor women either.

Suppress

There is a belief that anger is bad. The more religious a woman is, the more she suppresses anger. She pretends that nothing drives her out of herself, smiles tightly at everyone, and so on. Further, anger has two ways out - to explode in a safe place (again at home, on relatives) - and this she will not be able to control. And the second option is to hit her health and body. It seems to me no coincidence that today so many people are dying from cancer, this is a disease of unlived emotions, as many psychologists have repeatedly written about.

Smashing dishes and breaking things

On the one hand, the method is constructive. Better to break a plate than hit a child. And you can probably use it sometimes. But if we destroy some things on our way, then we need to understand that then all this will need to be restored. My husband once destroyed his laptop in a rage. It was a terrible sight, and then I had to buy a new computer. It is costly, and therefore less constructive than we would like.

Slam the door

It seems to me that this method is sweet to many teenagers. And I remember myself like that, and I already see children like that in places. In principle, not the worst way. Only once I slammed the door so hard that glass broke in it. And so nothing special.

Beat with words

You don't always need hands to hit a person. We women are good at doing it with words. Poke pain points, sore, pin up - and then pretend that we are not to blame and nothing to do with. The more various dirt within us, the more sharp and sarcastic our tongue is. I remember myself, before, when I didn't know where to put my feelings, I constantly teased everyone. Many called me "an ulcer", I could not restrain myself. I thought it was funny.

The more I learn to experience feelings, the softer my speech becomes. And the less it has any kind of "hairpins". Because nothing good and it does not give anyone. For a couple of minutes, you can feed your ego and at the same time destroy relationships and earn karmic reactions.

Revenge

Often, in a fit of anger, it seems that if we take revenge and wash away the shame with the help of the enemy's blood, it will become easier for us. I know that some women during a quarrel with her husband to spite him have sex with someone, for example. This is a blissful option, which many consider acceptable, especially if the husband has cheated. But what is the bottom line? Revenge only aggravates the conflict and increases the distance between us. Revenge is different - subtle and rough. But there is no benefit from any of them. Nobody.

Sex

Not the most The best way discharge, although it is physical. Because sex is still an opportunity to show love for each other, and not use each other as exercise machines. Our mood during intimacy greatly affects our relationship in general. A random connections with just anyone, for relaxation, not only not useful, but also harmful.

Shopping

Women often go to the store in frustration. And they buy a lot of unnecessary things there. Sometimes they even deliberately spend more money than necessary in order to take revenge, for example, on their husband. But it turns out that at this time we are given the resources that are given to us for good deeds - that is, money - we let go at random and try to harm another with their help. What will be the result? Resources will run out. And what they were spent on will never be useful. The dress you bought in anger will absorb your condition and make it difficult for you to wear it.

The list turned out to be impressive, not entirely joyful, but nevertheless, more often than not, this is exactly what we do. Because we do not have a culture of dealing with feelings. We were not taught this, they never talk about it anywhere - they only ask us to remove our feelings from the field of vision. And that's all.

Constructive ways of experiencing emotions:

Let the feelings be.

Sometimes - and by the way, very often, for the feeling to live, it is enough to see it, call it by its name and accept it. That is, in a moment of anger, say to yourself: “Yes, I'm very angry now. And that's okay. " It is very difficult for all those who have been explained that it is not normal (because it is inconvenient for others). It’s hard to admit that you’re angry right now, even though it’s written on your face. It is difficult to say that this also happens. Sometimes it is difficult to understand, but what kind of feeling is this? I remember in the constellations a girl whose nodules were shaking, her hands strained into fists, and she called her feelings "sadness." Learning to understand how this feeling is a matter of practice and time. For example, you can watch yourself. At critical moments, look in the mirror to understand what is on your face, follow the signs of the body, observe the tension in the body and the signals in it.

Stomp.

In traditional Indian dances, a woman stomps a lot, it is not so noticeable, because she dances barefoot. But in this way, through energetic movements from the body to the ground, all tension goes away. We often laugh at Indian films, where from any event - good or bad - they dance, but there is a special truth in this. To live any feelings through the body. Letting your anger run through you as you vigorously release it through energetic tides. By the way, there are also many such movements in Russian folk dances.

It is not necessary to go to the dancing section right now (although why not?). Try to close your eyes and, feeling an emotion in your body, with the help of stompers, “give” it to the ground. Of course, it is best to stomp while standing on the ground, and not on the tenth floor of a high-rise building. It's even better if you can do it barefoot on grass or sand. You will physically feel how much easier it becomes.

And don't think about what it looks like. Ideal, of course, if no one sees or distracts you. But if there is no such place, close your eyes and stomp.

Shout.

In some trainings, a form of cleansing is practiced, such as screaming. When we shout to the floor, with a partner who helps us, we can also shout into the pillow and in any other way. Some important word is usually shouted. For example, "Yes" or "No" - if it suits your emotion. You can just shout "Aaaaa!" Take a deep breath and then open your mouth and empty your heart in this way. So several times, until you feel emptiness inside.

Sometimes before that they do some kind of "pumping" - at first they breathe very, very quickly, exclusively through the nose.

There are weaknesses in this technique. For example, neighbors and household. The scream is very loud. And if you cannot relax and not worry, then it will not heal. The scream must come from a relaxed throat, otherwise you may seriously lose your voice. The first time it is better to try this somewhere with experienced people, then the effect will be greater.

Speak out.

The feminine way. For any feelings to live, we really need to talk about it, tell someone. About how the boss offended, and someone on the bus called. Not so much even to get support (which is also nice), but to pour it out of yourself. Approximately because of these people go to psychologists to get everything that eats away at their heart from there. One friend, who has been working as a psychologist for a very long time, once shared that one simple way helps most of her clients. She listens to them, asks questions so that they describe the situation as voluminously as possible, and that's it. Doesn't give any recipes, tips. Just listening. And often at the end of a conversation, a person has a solution. It goes by itself. It was as if the veil of anger that had covered his eyes had been removed, and he saw the way.

Women do the same with each other, speaking out. There are only two points here. You can't tell anyone about your family life- about the problems in it. Otherwise, these problems can be exacerbated. And if they tell you something, you should not give advice. Just listen. It is possible, by the way, to organize such a circle in which women share all their emotions - and then somehow symbolically say goodbye to them (which is often done in women's groups).

Be careful not to dump all your emotions on your husband. He just can't stand it. If you talk to your friends, get their consent first. And do not forget to share the good too (otherwise a friend may feel like a "toilet bowl", which is needed only to drain negative emotions). It's great if you can cry to mom or dad, if you have a mentor who listens to you, or a husband who is willing to do it.

Any of our blocks and clamps in the body are unlived emotions. Of course, I'm not talking about light stroking, but about deep work with the body, with a forceful impact. A high-quality massage, kneading these points, helps us to cope with emotions. In this place, the main thing - as in childbirth - is to open up pain. They push you somewhere, you feel pain - breathe and relax towards the pain. Tears may also flow from the eyes - this is normal.

A good massage therapist will immediately see your weak points - and he knows exactly where and how you need to press to remove the clamp. But often it hurts so much that we stop him - and don't go further. Then massage becomes a pleasant relaxation procedure, but does not help to relieve emotions.

When you are up to date, sometimes you want to hit someone. A husband, for example, or a child to spank. Try at this moment to switch to a pillow - and beat it from the heart. The main thing is not to sleep on such a pillow - let it be yours sports equipment which lies separately. You can cry into it. Or you can get yourself a punching bag and gloves. Also an option, however, it requires free space at home.

Hit the sofa with a rolled towel.

There are situations when it is imperative to reduce emotional pain, for example, if it is too intense. In addition, emotional pain can lead to dangerous situations for the person experiencing strong emotions (for example, they can harm themselves or take a dangerous drug). It can reach the person at the wrong time (for example, at work, at school, or in another place where you do not feel protected), or in a situation where the person is uncomfortable if they sincerely expresses their emotions (for example, if they are in company of people to whom he does not want to reveal his feelings). If you want to learn how to control your emotions, this article is for you. After reading it, you will learn how to control emotions while taking into account your needs and desires. In addition, this article describes psychological techniques, by practicing which, you can learn to control your emotions, and, if necessary, turn them off.

Steps

Control your senses

Try to find the cause of the strong emotional reaction. If you want to learn how to turn off emotions, try to understand what is the reason for the emotional outburst at one time or another. This may be due to the following reasons:

you are a very sensitive person;
the situation reminded you of painful events in the past;
you feel that you are losing control of the situation, which can cause anger and irritation.

There is a difference between healthy emotional detachment and painful form. From time to time, we all experience situations when we want to turn off our emotions, especially if they are associated with pain or seem insurmountable to us. this moment... However, extreme emotional detachment from others is associated with psychopathy, in which a person commits a crime without feeling remorse. In addition, this behavior can also indicate that the person is experiencing severe trauma.
- If you sometimes want to turn off strong emotions, there is nothing wrong with that. We are not always able to cope with our emotions. However, make sure that your condition does not become chronic. If you isolate yourself from others or become an emotionless person, you will have more serious psychological problems.
- Some signs that may indicate that a person needs treatment: social isolation, refusal to attend social events, intense fear of rejection, depressed mood or anxiety, difficulty in completing or completing a task (school or work), and frequent social conflicts or fights with other people.
Accept an emotional state. Paradoxically, by accepting and acknowledging our emotions, we are able to quickly take them under control when we need it. Often we want to become emotionless people because it is difficult for us to experience emotions. Nonetheless, these emotions provide us with valuable information about the situation we are in and about our perception of the situation. Like physical pain, negative feelings and emotions (fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, stress) indicate that there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

Express your feelings in a safe place. In case emotions overwhelm you, set aside a cozy safe place where you can embrace your emotions and take control of them. Make it a rule to analyze your emotions at the same time every day.
- Cry when you are alone. Tears in front of the person who offends you will provoke him to bully you or offend you further. Taking deep breaths and thinking about something else unrelated to the situation will help you not focus on hurtful words. You probably won't want to cry after that. Thus, you suppress the resentment in yourself. However, this is not very good. By keeping negative emotions in ourselves, we harm our body. Try your best to contain your emotions until the situation is over, so that the person who caused your strong emotions will leave the room. Now you can give vent to tears.
Write down your feelings and thoughts. As we mentioned above, tears cannot be held back. The same principle can be attributed to anger, embarrassment and other negative emotions - you should not suppress these feelings in yourself. Try to express your feelings and thoughts on paper. This will help you analyze and deal with difficult emotions so that you can detach from them when needed. You can also use the electronic device you are using to express your feelings.
- Put your feelings into words and write them down in your secret journal.
- To avoid dwelling on negative thoughts, try to look at the situation in a different way. For example, you think of someone: "This person is such a nonentity!" In this situation, try to look at the situation from the other side. Tell yourself, "Chances are, this person has a difficult life, and this is how they deal with anger and sadness." Empathy can help you deal with sadness and frustration. Show empathy and it will be easier for you to deal with difficult people and situations.
Try to distract yourself. Think about something else. Don't just try to ignore the feeling or situation. If a person tries not to think about something, in the end, he thinks about it even more. The more he tries to suppress the thought, the more confidently it ricochets back. In one study, participants were asked to think about anything but polar bears. And what do you think they were thinking all the time? About polar bears, of course. Instead of trying to force yourself not to think about what causes negative emotions in you, try to just think about something else.

Get involved in physical activity. Take a walk, ride a bike, or do any other vigorous activity that promotes good work of cardio-vascular system... Aerobic exercise increases the level of endorphins in the blood. This will help you to control and change your reaction to people who provoke you to negative emotions. Exercise or grounding techniques can help you get the best of your emotions.
- Think of the following activities: hiking, rowing, kayaking, gardening, cleaning, jumping rope, dancing, kickboxing, yoga, pilates, zumba, push-ups, squats, running and walking.
Focus on yourself
1. Practice self-reflection. One way to take control of your emotions is to look at yourself from the outside. Try to look at yourself with someone else's eyes and see yourself from the outside.
  - When you're alone, analyze your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Ask yourself, “What am I thinking today? What emotions am I experiencing? "
  - Also observe yourself, how you behave in society. Pay attention to what you say, how you act, and how you express your emotions.
2. Assert yourself. Self-affirmation is important step if you want to learn how to turn off your emotions. Self-affirmation allows you to confirm to yourself that your actions and emotions are reasonable.
  - Talk to yourself in a positive way. Tell yourself, “There is nothing wrong with my feelings. Even if I do not want to show my feelings to others, I have the right to experience them. "
3. Set boundaries in emotions. This will make you think about your needs first. Decide for yourself what will happen extreme point that you can no longer tolerate when others hurt you emotionally. If possible, stop all communication with people who annoy or upset you, such as a colleague or neighbor.
  - Try to set boundaries by telling the person directly about your emotions at the moment and what you expect from them. For example, if your brother teases you, tell him, “I get very annoyed when you tease me. I'll be grateful if you stop doing this. " In addition, you can mention the consequences that can be if a person crosses the line you set: "If you do not stop behaving this way, I will not communicate with you." This is an example of a situation where you were able to express your irritation without losing control of your emotions.
Use techniques to help you turn off your emotions
1. Use your wise mind. According to dialectical behavioral therapy, all individuals have two minds - two different thinking abilities: rational, which comes from the mind, and emotional. Our wise mind is a combination of emotional and rational thinking. If you are trying to abstract from emotional pain, use the help of your wise mind, find the perfect balance between the rational and emotional components of your brain. Instead of only reacting emotionally, try to think rationally, assessing the situation objectively.
  - Recognize your feelings, tell yourself: “Emotions are quite natural for a person. Over time, all emotions pass, even the strongest. I can understand why I reacted this way when I calm down. "
  - Ask yourself: “Will this be important to me in a year, 5 years, 10 years? How much can this person or situation affect my life? "
2. Learn grounding techniques. With these techniques, you can move away from your emotional pain and shut off your emotions.
  - Try the following exercises: count to yourself to 100, count the sheep, count the number of objects in the room, list all the cities of Central federal district Russia or the names of all kinds of colors. Use whatever is logical and unemotional that can distract you from the situation.
3. Make it a habit. Eventually, your mind will learn to remove unpleasant memories, and you will naturally begin to think logically and emotionlessly in any unpleasant situations. Practice will help you reach your goal faster. You can turn off emotions when needed.

Falling in love is sudden, bright, strong! Overwhelmed with inspiring happiness. Love changes life, and how! But after a while, a thought appears: something is wrong.

Feeling that it shouldn't be this way. Instead of happiness for two, you get a trap in which it is tense, and you cannot get rid of it. When only it is good with him, but without him in any way - what is it? Emotional dependence on a man or love for him? And if it’s not love, then where does it come from?

Without knowledge of the psyche, figure out where real love, and where the emotional dependence on a man is difficult. A woman in love, in the heat of feelings, is sure that she loves with all her heart. I want to shout to the whole world: "I want to be with you, I can't live without you!"

If you can't be together, it's a tragedy. When it works out, the relationship doesn't go well. Quarrels are increasing. The woman begins to suffer from lack of attention. And demand more and more of it. She waits and does not wait. "Why don't you love me the way I love you?" How emotional dependence on a man arises and how to get rid of it, read this article.

Which women develop emotional dependence on a man

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan defines such women as the owners of the visual vector. Each vector has an innate psychic desire and only its inherent properties. The visual woman has the greatest emotional volume. Not knowing how to control it, she brings down all the power of her feelings on the adored object. And he becomes emotionally dependent on a man, and then does not know how to overcome it. You can't just take it and stop loving, because a visual woman needs feelings like air. The anchor holds her - her visual vector feeds from this source.

Why is emotional dependence on a man

Not every woman with a visual vector gets into this situation. But for everyone who is emotionally dependent on a man, the visual vector is insufficiently realized.

The visual vector suffers when a woman lacks connections with other people. Many will say that there are girlfriends, friends, close people - but there is also an emotional dependence on a man! However, one should distinguish between the concepts of receiving and giving love. A typical situation is when a woman lives with the feeling that no one loves her, that no one needs her. Tantrums begin, the expression of reproaches and discontent. Also, the chosen one does not behave the best way... Relationships are bursting at the seams, but she continues to cling to them.

A woman with a visual vector is the first to have emotions, and they arise from a feeling of empathy. Love comes from compassion for other people. A woman with a visual vector, realizing herself through creating emotional connections and giving love to other people, gets out of the bondage of dependence. She no longer needs to draw emotions from one source when she understands the role of the visual vector.

Emotional dependence on a man is a sensuality that has turned the wrong way.

The reasons for the inability to realize oneself can be:

Visual trauma in childhood

If a girl suffers a traumatic break in her emotional connection during childhood, then as an adult, she may be in fear. She does not learn to express her feelings in the right way, and as an adult, it is more difficult for her to do it productively. When a visual woman experiences a background emotion of anxiety, she unconsciously hides from her in a relationship with a man, and an emotional dependence on him develops. If he does not give her a constant confirmation of love, a wave of fear rolls over her that he has stopped loving.

Such a woman is terrified of being left alone. After parting with the man, soon she runs back to him, without knowing why. Unconscious reaction does not allow her to get rid of emotional dependence on a man.

Negative life scenarios

Women may have a scenario of unsuccessful relationships with men. Situations are repeated where she unconsciously receives pain and humiliation instead of pleasure. Or she can experience love, only feeling sorry for the man. This is due to the peculiarities of the development of vectors in childhood. The woman herself may not even be aware of this. So her husband becomes a loser, an alcoholic, a sofa-sitter and even a sadist. Or she enters into a relationship with a married man, content with the role of mistress. With others, relationships simply do not arise. She suffers and cannot escape from the emotional bondage of dependence on a man, because she has no control over her psyche.

False settings

For a woman with a visual vector, beliefs in the spirit of "love yourself, then they will love you" and the ban on feelings is extremely destructive. Following them, she closes emotionality on herself. A woman does not understand how to remove emotional dependence on a man, does not distinguish her true needs from those imposed from the outside. He continues to "love himself" and hesitates to express his feelings, but this is not what should be done at all.

It's easy to get rid of emotional dependence on a man.

Any woman in an addicted relationship feels like she is being pulled there. In my head there are constant thoughts about him, fantasies, conversations with him and dreams of a future that will never come true. It is very painful to realize this! Therefore, she often does not notice the obvious facts. The brain does not like to analyze pleasant illusions. She continues to fight for her "happiness", although in such conditions it is possible to achieve only short-term satisfaction. And never - a strong relationship. There is a kind of swing from euphoria (when feelings are received) to melancholy (when the source of joy is deprived). How to get out of emotional dependence on a man, because you cannot cancel your very essence ?!

Escaping Emotional Addiction to a Man: Easy Steps

Understanding your true psychic nature
Finding ways to implement
Study of psychotraumas and negative scenarios
Learn what a normal relationship is and how to build it
Understanding the psyche of a man will help answer the question “Does he love? "

Consider if you want to leave things as they are. Are you in a relationship that leads nowhere but you continue to hope? Not one hour of your life is worth continuing to suffer. There is an opportunity not only to get rid of emotional dependence on a man, but to become fully happy! Do not cut from the shoulder without a safety net, but do like these women:

“… Understanding step by step, brick by brick, began to form in my head. I felt myself on the part of this man and felt how much I was unloved and not needed by him in fact, and how much I fantasized the opposite !!! The understanding was difficult, sad, but necessary for me.

It became apparent that this man never wanted a relationship. He never felt those feelings for me that I attributed to him ...

... How could I not see that I was trying to build a relationship alone? How could I think my feelings were mutual? It seemed to me that it was impossible to be so blind! After all, what could be easier than that, to see desire or its absence, action or rationalization of inaction, the power of bestowal or lack of bestowal at the root? It's so tangible, so obvious! But alas….

I was incredibly blind! I tried to build a relationship with the wall and took active steps, trying to melt this wall, until I reached a complete impasse, from which I was looking for a way out for a long time, collected myself piece by piece back ...

For some reason, nowhere, in any source, I did not find then these seemingly banal truths. A man who wants to fly at least to Mars. Otherwise, there will be a bunch of rationalizations instead of the simple truth “I don’t want, I don’t need”. Rationalizations that, of course, cannot be trusted! And after the training of the SVP, it is simply impossible to believe excuses of this kind! So Yuri clearly shows the nature of the relationship between a man and a woman ... " 30 Aug, 2018

Psychological dependence on another person in psychiatry has a clear definition - addiction. On the one hand, attachment to a loved one is a social factor, without which it is impossible to live in a society. On the other hand, this condition can become obsessive and take on a pathological appearance. The seriousness of the situation lies in the fact that excessive addiction can lead to personality disorders and lead to the development of serious psychiatric diseases. The object of affection can be a person of the opposite sex or a close and native person eg mother, child. The obsessive state is characterized by total control, loss of self-control and pathological craving for being around all the time.

Psychological addiction: what is it and why does it arise?

Love, care, joy and many other positive feelings are brought by communication with loved ones. Addiction can cancel out all the beautiful, turning an adequate relationship into an obsessive state. Pathological attachment and unexplained attraction to an object is a physical and psychological imbalance. Scientists have proven that it is characterized by a habit that, over time, can turn into reflex perception from the central nervous system. Further development deviations are regulated on an intuitive level, the addict loses control over his actions and actions. It is possible to cope with such a condition only by identifying the mechanism of occurrence and the true cause.

Types of psychological addiction

In psychology, there are three main types of addiction:

from parents;
from friends and social circle;
from a loved one.

From the moment of birth and until the complete completion of the formation of the personality, the individual is in close contact with his parents. Every child needs support that is linked to economic and psychological factors. For the first few years of life, addiction is instinctively regulated. In the future, a more subtle psychological connection arises. As they grow up, the child feels the need for personal space, moving away from the parents.

Normally, after the final formation of a person's character as an independent individual, he begins to live by his own interests. Mother and father let him go to social space. If the psychological dependence between the parents and the son or daughter is not promptly stopped, this can lead to serious consequences. In this situation, not everything is conditioned by the behavior of children. Overprotection and overprotection on the part of parents encourage the development of disability young man adapt to real life.

Psychological dependence on friends arises as a result of the fact that an individual cannot independently exist in a social environment. The reason may be self-doubt, low self-esteem, unwillingness to accept independent decisions... In this case, attachment is focused on dependence on the opinions of others. The individual seeks support from the outside, which he finds in the person of his friends. As a rule, such people strive for stronger personalities, capable of leading forward and taking on the entire level of responsibility. Psychological dependence in such a situation can lead to the development of relationships based on manipulation.

Addiction to the object of love is one of the most serious. It is difficult to cope with it on your own even for very strong personalities. The classic picture, familiar to many, often develops in married couples, where the wife arranges total control over the man and tries to spend all her free time with him. Her personal interests and needs for self-realization are oppressed, everything that happens revolves exclusively around her husband. Sometimes partners strive for such attachment even outside of marriage, at the very beginning of the development of a relationship.

Psychological dependence on a loved one is often mistaken for true love. It should be borne in mind that sincere feelings bring joy and satisfaction from life. Any emotional discomfort and stress indicate the presence of pathological attachment, which must be eliminated in a timely manner.

How to define pathological addiction?

Observing sensations and the general condition of the body will help to identify pathological dependence. It is necessary to determine in a timely manner the presence of such a state, because it is not capable of bringing positive emotions and personal happiness. The dependent person is characterized as mentally ill and emotionally unbalanced. The whole circle of his hobbies is closed around the object of desires, he ceases to be interested in social life and to act productively in the conditions of his interests. The main signs of deviation:

1. In the presence of psychological dependence, the general behavior of a person and his worldview change dramatically. He is characterized by sudden mood swings, from euphoria to signs of depression. Each contact with the object of affection, even a very short and unproductive one, leads the patient to a strong emotional outburst. Lack of communication can lead to discouragement.
2. All thoughts of the patient are reduced to the search for a meeting. Your interests fade into the background. A person begins to think as an object of addiction, even to the detriment of himself.
3. Over time, there is a loss of boundaries of one's own personality. Accumulated suffering, pain and anxiety can lead to the development of chronic stress. Positive emotions from the meeting gradually recede, the desire for total control grows. An irresistible urge to be constantly near appears, this behavior leads to inevitable rejection from the opposite side, as a result of which there is disappointment and aggravation of the condition. This situation can be described as a "vicious circle", where each new round aggravates the mental and physical health of the addict.
4. Gradually increasing tension, anxiety, and possibly the appearance of panic attacks. In accordance with the severity of the condition, the severity of the mental disorder will also differ.
5. Physiological disorders also occur. The patient begins to experience constant headache, dizziness, sleep problems, interruptions in the work of the heart, neurological symptoms and exacerbation of chronic diseases.
6. The failure of one's own personality leads to the inability to make ordinary day-to-day decisions. A trip to the store can lead to a state of stupor. A person is not able to make a choice without knowing the opinion of his opponent. This is especially true in the development of pathology in relation to parents or friends. It is extremely important for him to obtain approval from the addicted object.

How to get rid of a pathological condition?

In some cases, it is not possible to cope with psychological dependence on your own. This is due to the seriousness of the situation when a person is not able to adequately assess what is happening and give a real assessment of his actions. Practicing psychologists urge patients, if they suspect such disorders, to carry out self-analysis and work on their own consciousness.

Only the person who understands and accepts its presence can independently cope with the problem. At the first stages of self-healing, it is necessary to understand your position in relation to the world around you. Own worldview and range of interests should be reduced exclusively to personal needs. The inability to transfer accents from the object of desire to oneself speaks of the inability to cope with this deviation. For every personality, self-realization is in the first place.

Personal recovery technique

This technique was developed by the psychologists Wanhold and Berry. It consists of 12 points, each of which helps to get closer to recovery without the help of a psychoanalyst:

1. Acceptance of the problem is necessary. Even if you work with a psychotherapist, it is not possible to bypass this stage. As with the treatment of any other type of addiction, the person needs to be aware of the obsessive state and a frank desire to overcome it.
2. Then the search for the cause is carried out. Any type of addiction involves certain factors that trigger the onset of the disorder. In some cases, it is quite possible to find and eliminate them on your own. Attachment to parents is usually fueled by their own. Here it is necessary to abandon overprotection and start living in conditions of complete independence. In the case of a habit of friends, you need to understand your own personality, to achieve adequate self-esteem and independent functioning in the social environment. With regard to love attachment, everything is a little more complicated here. A person is required to have a clear understanding of what exactly attracts him to a particular representative of the opposite sex and whether the partner really meets all the requirements that are imposed on him.
3. It is necessary to conduct a complete analysis of the occurrence of symptoms and try to open this vicious circle.
4. It is necessary to learn to adequately perceive reality, in the current situation there is no one's fault, at this stage work on one's own personality and its constant development play an important role.
5. The next step requires a reassessment of the worldview. It is necessary to stop idealizing the opponent and stop independently striving for perfection in everything. To completely get rid of addiction, you need to overcome the feeling of perfectionism, which can be imposed by the desire for the ideal. It is very important to give up stereotypical thinking and understand your own needs.
6. Next, a refusal to manipulate the emotions of others is required in order to obtain the desired result.
7. It is very important to learn to express yourself specifically, make clear plans for the future and focus the situation exclusively on yourself.
8. You need to stop being ashamed of your true emotions and feelings. Those around, provided that they are really close and dear, will always understand and provide proper support. If the opponent does not express any assistance and shows his complete indifference, this only speaks of his detachment. The addict should urgently exclude such people from their environment.
9. You need to revise your own life attitudes and direct them in the right direction. An adequate assessment of one's own opinion, emotional background is important, true desires and feelings.
10. Each person has a personal space, the invasion of which can lead to resentment. At this stage, you need to draw such a border for yourself and evaluate its presence among others. This will avoid conflict situations and certain misunderstandings in conversations with loved ones.
11. Expanding the circle of communication. He must go beyond the usual, especially from the conditions of obsession with a specific object. New acquaintances and exciting communication can not only distract from the situation, but also accelerate the process of personal growth.
12. At the final stage, it is important to feel a harmonious balance between your inner peace and the surrounding external environment.

The inability to fully go through all the stages and get rid of psychological dependence on any person speaks of a pronounced form of pathology. In this case, you need to contact a specialist. He will help to identify the true cause and get rid of pathological cravings.

Effective ways to train yourself

There are others effective ways, the use of which is justified without the participation of a specialist. Many psychoanalysts recommend starting with them. In the course of therapy, some of these techniques also have to be addressed. To get rid of addiction, the following methods are used:

1. It is necessary to destroy everything that can remind of a past relationship, including photographs, symbolic figurines, contacts, gifts and personal belongings of the addicted object.
2. It is necessary to stop communicating with mutual acquaintances. On a subconscious level, a conversation with a person who has the same communication with the addicted object becomes obsessive. An invisible connection with the past remains. Each meeting is able to provoke a new round of relationships and bring to other thoughts and the development of attachment again, even after complex psychotherapy.
3. A good way is to look for flaws in the object of adoration. To do this, you need to write everything on a piece of paper. negative sides opponent, gradually transferring them from personal characteristics to a general negative impact on their own life. This list can be kept for a long time, until the arguments are completely exhausted. At first, it may seem that even these shortcomings do not really matter, but as you get rid of the addiction, the arguments will become more serious. After rereading them, the patient is once again able to realize the seriousness of the situation and decide on drastic actions.
4. Due to the fact that thoughts about a partner occupy almost the entire mind, it is necessary to find a new hobby. For many people, work is a good outlet. Especially if a welcoming and friendly team contributes to this. Do not neglect corporate parties and the offer to go on a business trip. In addition to an emotional outburst, it can also provide an opportunity for career advancement.
5. In a new life, nothing should remind you of past unsuccessful relationships. Psychologists often recommend revising your appearance and visit a fashion stylist. The renewed appearance and the change of image are pushing for the desire to experience emotions that were alien before. There is a need to be in the center of attention among people of the opposite sex. In order to correct the figure or to improve the level of health of the body, you can enroll in sports sections, preferably of a team type. Such hobbies will not only help to change the image, but also lead to new acquaintances.
6. It is necessary to set an interesting goal for yourself or to begin to fulfill it. A good motivation to focus on your own life will be to complete a specific task, which will increase self-esteem and bring a lot of positive emotions. It is better to build short-term plans, the implementation of which fits into one year. For example, this is an exciting vacation associated with travel, or buying a car, etc.

Autogenic training

The specificity of this technique is self-hypnosis. After the development of chronic stress and depressive obsessions an addicted person is very difficult to perceive reality, is not always able to admit the presence of a problem. For this purpose, autogenic training is introduced, during which the psychotherapist imposes a new stereotypical thinking on the patient by the method of suggestion.

Key phrases contain exclusively positive emotions... A person begins to concentrate on his inner consciousness, realizing himself as a full-fledged and independent person. As a result, the patient perceives himself adequately in relation to society. He reopens for all-round and multifaceted communication, is ready to accept the love of loved ones, becomes self-sufficient. The setting for suggestion is selected in each specific situation individually. The patient needs to repeat each of them at least 7-10 times throughout the day. In the course of treatment, phrases can change, only their positive attitude remains unchanged.

Wrong tactics

Psychological dependence can lead to serious physiological and psychiatric problems. Since such a state is often perceived as true love, the addicted person begins to drive himself into the framework and take what is happening for granted. The argument that this is the only love and that it is unhappy is wrong. Each person should remember that this kind of feeling should bring positive and bright emotions. Even unrequited sympathy should not oppress a person, since respect from the opponent is a prerequisite for an adequate relationship.

You cannot look for a solution in the uncontrolled intake of sedatives, alcohol and drugs. In addition to emotional stress, a person runs the risk of getting the strongest addiction. Alcoholism and drug addiction will only aggravate the situation. You cannot give up your main activity. Study, work, personal development and hobbies should be present in the life of every person. They are necessary for self-realization.

It can arise in a person suddenly, after a very traumatic situation for the psyche. How to get a person out of depression is the main thing that relatives and specialists need to work on so that the emotional sphere does not suffer even more.

To win, you need to learn the habits of the enemy - says one ancient proverb. The situation is the same with depression. To overcome it, you need to know what kind of condition it is and what caused it.

The psychological definition of a depressive state is as follows:

Depression is a condition related to affective disorders in which a person is at the mercy of negative emotions, while his motivational sphere, cognitive ideas change, and general passivity in behavior is noted.

In a state of depression, a person constantly experiences difficult emotions, he is overcome by feelings of melancholy, depression and despair. Volitional acts are no longer so intense, motives are suppressed, drives are reduced. In such a state, people are characterized by "self-flagellation", they do not see the prospect of the future, as they constantly oppress themselves for the mistakes of the past. They are burdened by real life difficulties - they do not feel the strength to cope with them.

And there are many such situations. They are next to us, many people suffer from an annoying feeling of loneliness, breaking longing. It is imperative to help in such situations, but very carefully so as not to harm. Where to start?

Important: if you suspect the appearance of depression, a person must without fail!

Tune yourself

A person who wants to help a loved one get out of a depressive state must, first of all, tune in to hard and productive work. For this it is important:

Customize a person suffering from depression

When talking to someone suffering from loneliness and longing, it is important to let them know that you are confident that they will handle the situation. But it is also not worthwhile to indulge in rosy hopes. As, for example, some inexperienced “helpers” try to assure a person that after leaving this state he will begin a paradise life: there will be no problems, everyone will love and help him. Unfortunately, such help only worsens the manifestation of the disorder, and the person becomes depressed not from the previous situation, but from unjustified hopes.