How to accept life and come to terms. How to understand what is better to accept and what to change

Ecology of Life: The Greek philosopher Epictetus said more than 2,000 years ago: "People are not concerned about things (that happen to them), but the principles and opinions they form about these things." Modern behavioral science also agrees with this. American psychologist Albert Ellis has shown that how people react to events is largely determined by their perception of events, and not by the events themselves.

Our mind is a real battlefield. Which side of the battle will you find yourself on? The choice is yours.Sometimes it is impossible to change circumstances at one point in our life. You cannot change the job. You cannot force someone to reconsider their point of view. And you certainly cannot erase the past.

So what are the options?

Change your perception, belief, or opinion about your circumstances. It will help you change your attitude and ultimately allow you to move beyond the inner struggles that you cannot control.

The Greek philosopher Epictetus said over 2,000 years ago:

"People are not concerned about the things (that happen to them), but the principles and opinions they form about these things."

Modern behavioral science also agrees with this. American psychologist Albert Ellis has shown that how people react to events is largely determined by their perception of events, and not by the events themselves.

Not sure how to change your perception of things - and improve your attitude towards them? Here are 7 easy ways to get started.

1. Leave alone your thoughts

To gain conscious control over what is going on in your mind, you need to learn to understand this process. Stop for a moment, take a deep breath, and free your mind of all the empty talk that is happening in and around you. This will give you the opportunity to change your state, open to something new.

Take a break even if you don't have time. Yes, we all have problems that need to be solved, urgently, goals that need to be achieved. But sometimes you need to take a break from all this. It's perfectly okay to stop and let the world exist for a while without you.

If you don't, you will burn yourself. You must take a breath, be alone with yourself, concentrate your attention on inner desires, thus, you will get time for your recovery and harmony of body and mind.

2. Change focus

Redirect your attention to positive thoughts and emotions. It's time to voluntarily give up the things that empty you and replace it with the things that inspire you. Focus on the next important and meaningful step. There are no hopeless situations; there are only people who have become hopeless towards them.

Keep your hope through positive thinking... Don't let the pain make you desperate. Don't let the negativity drain your vitality... Expend your energy to move forward. Change your thoughts and you change your reality.

Our thoughts are the creators of our mood and will. That is why we must carefully understand them and select only those that will help to achieve our most cherished desires and build the perfect life we \u200b\u200bdream of.

3. Stop worrying and find peace within yourself

Understand that somewhere within us all there is a higher self that is constantly in the world. Inner world does not depend on external conditions; it is what remains when you give up your ego and stop worrying. You can find peace within yourself anytime, anywhere. He is always waiting patiently for you to turn your attention to him.

Peace of mind comes the moment you come to peace with what's on your mind. It happens when you let go of the need to be where you are, physically and emotionally. This order of things creates the basis for inner harmony.

The need to be different is just anxiety that leads you in a circle of doubt. Your inner self is always hungry for peace, so it is much easier to achieve balance and harmony than you think.

4. Give thanks

Thank the Universe for what you have and for what you do not have, but you really want it. Don't worry about not getting what you want. Think that you have many opportunities and strengths to make your dreams come true and be grateful for that.

We are a part of the universe. Life will always be imperfect. Realize this and accept. When you are aware of something, you grow and develop. You can be happy and sad at the same time, hungry and grateful, nervous and agitated, just accept it.

5. Transform your struggles into development

Remember that happiness, passion, or success is unlikely to come without a struggle. If the road seems easy to you, then most likely it is the wrong way. Everything that happens helps you to grow, even if it is difficult to understand at that moment.

Circumstances will guide, correct, and improve you throughout your life. Sometimes they will lead you astray. There will be times when you feel like giving up. And you may feel like you're forever stuck in failure.

But in reality, you are stronger than this and will cope with any obstacles. Sometimes you just need to go through incredible difficulties in order to reach heights. Thus, when you face your greatest resistance, then you will be as close as possible to your goal.

6. The end is the beginning of something new

Everything in life ends at some point. It is important to realize and accept the end of the stage in life that has reached its logical conclusion. Close the doors, turn the page and move on. It doesn't matter what you call it; what matters is that you leave it in the past, where it belongs.

Now you can enjoy life and breathe to the fullest. The end of a stage in life is not the end of a whole life. This is the beginning of a new story.And that should inspire you.

7. Use your body when all else fails

The mind reflects the state of your body by responding to tension, breathing, movement and focus on something. Your body responds in the same way to your thoughts, feelings, moods, the questions you ask and the words you say. It means thatbody and mind are very closely related to each other... If we take complete control of our mind, then we consciously take control of our body, and vice versa.

So, for example, when you are sitting, frowning, shoulders bent, just walk up to the mirror and smile. You will instantly feel the effect, you will immediately change internal state... These tools will help you change your mood and make you feel better.

Your body - best tool to change your attitude to the world around you.

P.S. I will repeat myself again, saying that mind is a battlefield... This is where the biggest conflict is. In your head periodically sounds: "I will not succeed." And if you allow such thoughts, then allow them to rob you of peace, joy and, in the end, life. You will think that you have a nervous breakdown, depression and that you have failed. I know because I have experienced it all.

Honestly, there are so many things in our life that we cannot control, so just ignore them. You decide with whom to spend time, with whom to share your life, your money and your energy. You choose the words and tone of communication. You choose what you eat and read every day. You choose how you react to unpleasant situations, and what they mean to you: punishment or opportunities for growth ...

And most importantly, you can choose your attitude towards all things and situations on which everything else depends.published. If you have any questions on this topic, ask them to the specialists and readers of our project .

How often we get annoyed! With or without reason. Slow queues at the checkout, traffic jams, bad weather that changes all our plans, disobedience of children and much, much more. When we get irritated, we throw out negativity and, as a result, waste a lot of our energy. But what for? What we cannot change!

how the same learn to acceptwhich does not suit us the situationif we can't change it?

Acceptance means knowingly admitting that something might not go the way we want, not the way we used to, or not the way we planned. The opposite of acceptance is resistance or negative attitude towards what is happening. For most, this behavior is more familiar, and we resist almost anything that goes against what we want.

But why are we resisting? To some extent, we are influenced by our past experiences. For example, you are used to the fact that your parents always spoke to you in a calm tone and, of course, you expect that it will be the same in the future. But one day you are faced with the fact that the parents significantly raised their voice in conversation with you. Of course, this is unpleasant for you and you perceive it negatively. Perhaps you even start shouting back, thus expressing your resistance to the current situation.

But resistance inevitably causes suffering.

The marathon runners have this slogan: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is everyone's personal choice. " When a person runs a long distance, sooner or later his leg muscles start to hurt. And here the runner makes a choice - either to suffer, focusing on the pain, or to turn his attention to something else.
So in life: you can find yourself in a situation where you were betrayed, abandoned, taken away from something, destroyed your plans and dreams, left alone with difficulties. Of course it hurts. But whether to suffer is your personal choice.
Of course, there are even simpler situations where there seems to be no pain - traffic jams, a slowly advancing queue, a person does not answer our calls and SMS, work colleagues are extremely slow, etc. However, these situations annoy us because we feel uncomfortable. This is unpleasant for us, we are trying to overcome the circumstances. How? With our negative attitude, resistance - from the fact that we are not comfortable, and we suffer to some extent.

Of course, when we find ourselves in unpleasant or even very difficult circumstances for us, of course, we try to act. However, you can act in different ways - with the acceptance of the situation or with resistance to it. Which option is smarter?
To understand what acceptance is (not to be confused with inaction) imagine scientists who make their calculations without taking into account the fact that gravity is acting on Earth. Where there is no gravity, certain things are, of course, much easier to do. But there is gravity on Earth - scientists take it for granted, which they cannot change and build their calculations taking into account this phenomenon.

So, to all situations that you do not like, but which you cannot change, treat them like ... scientists to earth's gravity - just take into account the current circumstances and act in view of the changed situation.

Acceptance, like any other skill, can be trained, which means you can learn to accept the situation. how?

Step 1 - AWARE
You found yourself in a situation where something went against what you want. You are not happy. Realize this discontent in yourself. You can say to yourself, "I am dissatisfied because this and that happened, but I wanted it to be so."
Why do this? The fact is that many people do not even realize what exactly annoys them so much in the circumstances. Awareness is the first step towards understanding and accepting.

Step 2 - OBSERVATION WITHOUT EVALUATION
The essence of this step is to observe your thoughts and emotions without judging whether they are good or bad. You kind of look at yourself from the outside, allow everything that happens to you to BE, without doing anything about it.

Step 3 - PHYSICAL SENSES
Pay attention to your physical sensations in this situation - how you breathe, how fast your heart is beating, whether you feel a rush of blood to your cheeks, whether you have a headache, whether your hands are trembling, whether your cheek twitches. What do you actually feel in your body?
Try to focus solely on breathing - concentrate on how the cooled air passes through the nasopharynx, descends into the lungs, how your chest expands, how you exhale warm air... About 5 minutes of this concentrated breathing is enough to calm down.

Step 4 - INCLUDING THE BRAINS
After realizing your discontent, observing your thoughts and emotions, breathing and calming down a bit, it's time to ask yourself the question: “What is my goal for this moment and how can I achieve it under the circumstances? "
Sometimes, to achieve a goal, you will need to perform certain actions, and sometimes - just do nothing, calm down and wait.

STEP 5 - THANKS

Any situation is given to us for something. Even in the most insignificant, in our opinion, unpleasant situation, there is something useful for us. Your task is to realize WHAT IS EXACTLY and to thank the world for the opportunity to study and work on yourself.

Acceptance of what is, takes you to a deeper level, where your inner state, as well as your sense of yourself, no longer depends on judgments about “good” and “bad” that the mind makes.
Eckhart Tolle,
"What Silence Says About"

I will not urge you to accept a situation if it is impossible to change it, but I will simply explain why you need it and how to do it.
By accepting an unpleasant situation, it is by this that we give it the opportunity to change. Until we accept, we experience anger, rejection, resentment, etc., the unpleasant aspect of the situation grows and grows stronger, because the force of action is equal to the force of reaction. We stop opposing, we change the vector - we get a change in the situation in a positive direction. Otherwise, an unpleasant event can thoroughly linger in our life and make undesirable adjustments to it.
This is a serious enough reason to remember right now which situation makes you nervous the most today, and continue to work with it according to the text of the article. Resisting this situation is unprofitable and harmful.

Rejection is disagreement with what is going on.
Those. in our head there is an image of how it should be, but in fact it happens differently, and this causes our disagreement and irritation. So? A reasonable question - can you admit the thought that your idea of \u200b\u200bhow good and how it would be right is wrong? That the Universe has a different layout of your life before your eyes, let's say, more voluminous, in which the best option this situation is exactly what is happening now. Are you, instead of thanking for the trouble, angry and indignant? Let the thought that your idea is wrong, because it is narrow, you do not see the whole picture of your life and do not fully realize your tasks on earth.

I understand that these arguments are not suitable for momentary acceptance. They are needed to expand consciousness and change the view of situations and life in general.

What is for the momentary?
To begin with, it is important to assess - can you influence the situation or not? If you can, then how, and what exactly will you do for this right now? If everything that is possible has been done, and the situation persists, then in this place - attention! - you need to share responsibility. When we take on someone else's responsibility, then, firstly, we overwork and lose strength, and secondly, we stop doing what we could have done, and spend strength on what we are unable to change.

So you have specific situation... You did everything in your power to stop her being so unpleasant for you. But the changes have not yet taken place, and now, when you are powerless to change anything, a protest rises in you - well, how is it, but why should I do this, but why with me, etc. This is non-acceptance. And this is what not only spoils your life, but also fixes this situation in your reality.

Further responsibility for changing what happens is not yours! And this fact must be recognized and allowed to be.
For something it is necessary. If we do not know for what specifically, it does not mean that there is no point. He is always there, and you can see this by looking at all the events of your life - pay attention to what positive consequences followed unpleasant events in the past. You didn't go to college, but you went to temporary work and found your calling. You broke up with a man, but you met another, "your", your parents did not really support you in childhood, but you grew up active and independent, and do not succumb to troubles.

In a situation of rejection, it is very important to remove emotions. Ideally, an unpleasant situation should not cause negative emotions. I really love the book by Lee Carroll "The Journey Home", important and deep ideas are presented in it in the form of a gripping story. And there are two main ideas:
everything just is and
it's not what it seems.

What you rated as black ended up being white, and - as you can see in your own life - this is what happens most often.
Therefore, it is very important to remove the assessment of the situation from the position of your understanding of the correctness, and leave only the statement of the situation. Yes, I see such a situation has occurred. What I feel? I feel uncomfortable in it, difficult, I have to strain, something else.
Next - what can I do to make it different? I do it.
The situation was not completely resolved, but I believe that in the end it will be resolved the best way, so I just trust the world and switch to solving other problems. I do not spend energy on resentment against life, complaining about injustice, etc., I direct it towards creation, and then I become a real mistress of my life, and not an eternal victim of circumstances.
Everything just is, and today it is like this, and I accept this situation because I believe that it came, because I need it for something. And I concentrate on figuring out why, not being unhappy.

What other aspect of acceptance I want to talk about.
To accept is not to submit and fold your hands. Not at all. To accept is to allow it to be in your life, while doing something to change the situation. And this permission is worth a lot. You are not angry at the wind that sometimes it becomes a hurricane, or at the snow that suddenly went and fell asleep all the way. And why? Because you admit - it just is, and - that's it.

But everything that happens in your life is also just there. And very often it is not really what it seems. Create silence and watch what happens, let it be, learn to trust what comes and not see malice in it. It is a matter of trusting the world, and if you either remove any assessment or try to make it objective, you will feel peace and acceptance.
To accept is to say an unconditional yes to your present and future. Acceptance of the world begins with acceptance of yourself, with the fact that you say “yes” to what you may not be comfortable with in yourself today. We learn to say a full-fledged "yes" on the course. Sometimes it is much more difficult to say "yes" than "no", but how healing it has on our lives!

If you have any questions or need help,.

With love,
Julia Solomonova

how the same learn to acceptwhich does not suit us the situationif we can't change it?

Acceptance means knowingly admitting that something might not go the way we want it, not the way we used to, or not the way we planned. The opposite of acceptance is resistance or negative attitude towards what is happening. For most, this is the more familiar pattern of behavior, and we resist almost anything that goes against what we want.

But why are we resisting? To some extent, we are influenced by our past experiences. For example, you are used to the fact that your parents always spoke to you in a calm tone and, of course, you expect that it will be the same in the future. But one day you are faced with the fact that the parents significantly raised their voice in conversation with you. Of course, this is unpleasant for you and you perceive it negatively. You may even start shouting back, thus expressing your resistance to the current situation.

But resistance inevitably causes suffering.

Of course, when we find ourselves in unpleasant or even very difficult circumstances for us, of course, we try to act. However, you can act in different ways - with the acceptance of the situation or with resistance to it. Which option is smarter?
To understand what acceptance is (not to be confused with inaction) imagine scientists who make their calculations without taking into account the fact that gravity is acting on Earth. Where there is no gravity, certain things are, of course, much easier to do. But on Earth there is gravity - scientists take it for granted, which they are unable to change and build their calculations taking into account this phenomenon.

Acceptance, like any other skill, can be trained, which means you can learn to accept the situation. how?

Step 1 - AWARE
You find yourself in a situation where something went against what you want. You are not happy. Realize this discontent in yourself. You can say to yourself, "I am dissatisfied because this and that happened, but I wanted it to be so."
Why do this? The fact is that many people do not even realize what exactly annoys them so much in the circumstances. Awareness is the first step towards understanding and accepting.

Step 3 - PHYSICAL SENSES
Pay attention to your physical sensations in this situation - how you breathe, how fast your heart is beating, whether you feel a rush of blood to your cheeks, whether you have a headache, whether your hands are trembling, whether your cheek twitches. What do you actually feel in your body?
Try to focus solely on breathing - concentrate on how the cooled air passes through the nasopharynx, descends into the lungs, how your chest expands, how you breathe out warm air. About 5 minutes of this concentrated breathing is enough to calm down.

Step 4 - INCLUDING THE BRAINS
After realizing your discontent, observing your thoughts and emotions, breathing and calming down a bit, it's time to ask yourself the question: "What is my goal at the moment and how can I achieve it in the current circumstances?"
Sometimes, to achieve a goal, you will need to perform certain actions, and sometimes - just do nothing, calm down and wait.

An example from my personal life: I am a very punctual person, and if I traveled in public transport, which dragged like a turtle, and realized that I might be late, then, like all punctual people, I was nervous. Sometimes strong enough. And then one wonderful moment I realized that I was nervous and realized that I have three choices - to continue to be nervous, change to another vehicle or run in front of the vehicle. Oddly enough, the comprehension of this fact was facilitated by exactly what annoyed me so much - the slow movement of transport. I just got the opportunity to sit, do nothing and just think. By the way, a lot good ideas it occurred to me in transport... Hence follows

STEP 5 - THANKS
Any situation is given to us for something. Even in the most insignificant, in our opinion, unpleasant situation, there is something useful for us. Your task is to realize WHAT IS EXACTLY and to thank the world for the opportunity to study and work on yourself.

Hello dear readers! Not everything in the world is under our control. Sometimes events happen in life that we cannot change. But this understanding does not make it easier. A person suffers from his own helplessness and cannot cope with emotions. You understand that, in general, you are not guilty of anything and can no longer influence what is happening, but sad thoughts do not leave your head. How can you find relief in this situation?

This child feels omnipotent, it is difficult for him to accept that he is in the power of his parents and certainly does not understand that their life also depends on many factors. It is also difficult for an adult to realize that he is subject to certain laws. The sooner you understand that there is something above us in this world, something stronger and more fatal, the easier it will be for you to cope.

If you find it hard to realize that nothing can be changed, try again to take the reins of your own destiny into your own hands. Ask yourself what was the result of the situation you were in? Fate is to blame for everything, or did you, at some point, not pay attention to some trifles?

What exactly have you wanted to achieve in the past? Why were they trying? Perhaps you wanted love or community recognition. Couldn't the same be accomplished using other paths? Perhaps this is just one event that cannot be changed, but the problem will ultimately be solved anyway?

I can advise you a book Anthony Robbins "Wake up the giant within you", thanks to which you can find a lot of ways and do it with the most effective approach, without despair and without losing inspiration.

Love

Much suffering can cause or loss loved one (now it comes ). We feel fulfilled when we are loved. A person invests in a relationship, trusts another, but, unfortunately, this is not always enough for the union to be and remain harmonious throughout his life.

Suddenly the world disappears from under my feet. We ask ourselves the question: "Why did he do this to me?" At such moments, it is better to immediately stop yourself and reformulate the question. It would be more correct not "not for what", but "for what", "why" he did it.

In this case, as a rule, nothing can be returned, but love has not left your life forever. She is there anyway. You can feel it if you think about your friends, relatives, children, maybe someone has a hobby or work that gives pleasure. You did not lose this feeling forever, but only temporarily lost an object that, according to some criteria, did not match you anyway.

It takes time to get over the pain, but very soon you will learn again and will be surrounded by people who truly love you. Even if you don't believe in this yet.

Read a book of the same Anthony Robbins "Notes of a Friend"... It will be ideal for those who believe that love is the most important thing in life. The chapter why failures in love relationship does not exist.

That's all for me. Until next time and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.