You can't cry for a dead person. Death of a loved one: is it possible to cry for the deceased
Why be afraid of death? We'll all die. So many good people has already died, that it is not a sin for us to lie down in the grave.
Comfort and safety have changed us. Threshold of pain and sensitivity modern man greatly distinguishes us from even our closest ancestors, and there is nothing wrong with that, I myself admire the miracle every morning hot water and thank God for light and warmth. But we are different. Having protected ourselves and secured our lives, in some ways we have become more vulnerable, and sometimes defenseless. The fact of mortality - ours and our loved ones - we now endure much harder and more painfully than our great-grandfathers.
In the old days, a person from childhood was taught to think that he would have to bury his parents. And young people knew that they would not only experience the loss of their parents, but precisely - to bury and do it beautifully and correctly. And there was also a wonderful word “to watch”, and the dignity of children was assessed by how they console their dying loved ones, how they calm their fading old age. Think about it: you have been preparing for this since childhood. They were not afraid to frighten or shock children. How was it prepared? They spoke about death calmly, as about something natural, without softening its tragedy, they did not lie to themselves and the children, they did not hide from it. The old people collected for their death, prepared shirts and scarves - what they would put in the coffin, were not afraid to take communion often, were not afraid to write wills and - they cried, of course, they cried - how could it be without it? Who wants to die? So many things! So much work! But this crying was correct, it was allowed into a special ritual, a rite - grief was overcome, dressing up in funeral customs and traditions.
And not only for the death of parents prepared from youth. Husband and wife - most likely someone will go to God earlier, and already during the wedding people learned to separate. Without knowing it, our ancestors taught their children one of the most elegant spiritual exercises. The late Seneca, the mentor of dying, advised his disciples: "We must constantly think that we are mortal and we love" (Letters 63,15). Think - all the time. Remain in the memory of death. Do not let vanity and cowardice hide from us the tragedy of the world. But Seneca speaks not simply of mortal memory in general, of a detached contemplation of cosmic law. This contemplation is concrete. The philosopher called for a change in the very focus of "mortal contemplation." Believers are often, sometimes rightly, reproached for selfishness. There is indeed something self-centered in the contemplation of one's finality. But the fact that I die is not yet a big tragedy. Sometimes you wait for death, as deliverance, consolation. But the people I love will die. This is truly terrible. The world is full of pain, misfortune, disease, but being alive is so good.
When Sophocles, through the mouth of one of his characters, says “the highest gift is to be unborn” (Oedipus in Colon 1225), the listener and reader are pierced by cosmic cold, goosebumps run down the skin, overcome and paralyzed by a noble metaphysical longing - how epic, deep, beautiful! And only having sobered up from this ancient cold, you begin to understand the lie of these words. Yes, this phrase will suit me, an excessively aesthetic egoist, but would I wish that my bright-eyed nephew, or cheerful brothers, my mother, my kind and patient friends, would never be born, would it be nice if they never not born? Yes, the world is full of pain, grief, loss, but these people are the adornment of humanity, together with them even meaning and joy entered this sick world, and through grief we are still glad that someone glorious has been in this world, even if just a little. But how painful it is to think that one day they will all have to die.
"Man begins by crying for the dead." So said the late Merab Mamardashvili. A person does not begin with weeping for himself to the dead or dying, but with the acceptance and overcoming of the death of his loved ones. I cry for this good families they were introduced from childhood - so that the person in the child wakes up as early as possible, so that through the courageous acceptance of mortality of his own and his loved ones from the first days of his life, learn to accept, bless this world, and - resist it. All our relatives and friends, loved ones and good ones, are people whom we will lose one day. And also - these are the people who will lose us.
However, "weeping for the dead" is not just a beautiful image or a sterile spiritual exercise. We have a religion. She teaches us the right cry for the dead, healing crying. When I first started serving as a priest, I was always embarrassed by our Belarusian funerals: “professional” mourners, the most complex and varied rituals, a special dirge chant and a howling manner of performing chants, and the need to “pray for the deceased” (pray for the deceased) “like a trace” on the verge of obsession (as it should be). Then I realized how important this howl, these epic tears, these “extra” rituals are.
This is Belarus. There was so much grief here. During the war, Belarusians lost every fourth person, and, perhaps, the ability to bury “as expected” helped us to endure all these troubles. No need to flatter yourself: we are just people - no matter how many languages you know, no matter what exquisite literature you read, grief and pain, tears and losses for all of us are human. And this pain must be able to cry out, howl, shout.
Death is always at the wrong time. Death takes us by surprise. And we need not only with the mind, but also with the very skin to get rid of this grief. Even the last materialists, if they did not understand, then felt it, inventing civil requiems and insipid moments of silence. And in the church - the smoke of the censer, the reading of endless memorial notes, tables with offerings and sealed earth, and as they sing "With the saints, rest in peace", the whole church will pick up this mournfully solemn motive, and then resolve into a courageous and tragic major ikos of the eighth voice - " Thou Thyself is One Immortal, who created and created man. We need to shout out, sing, moan through tears and grateful sadness. And the most intelligent of Russian women in a moment of pain and loss could write:
I will be like archery wives,
Howl under the Kremlin towers.
A modern person, and, above all, a child, a teenager, is protected from all sides from death, from the very fact and mention. But after all, one day he will have to see his parents on their last journey, and he must do this "as it should." Religion is a kind of cultural formalization of the ultimate human experience. It provides not just some kind of emotional antidote, an antidote against excessive shock, the consciousness of irreversibility, but the very performance of the ritual overcomes sorrow, because we cry, weep to the God-lover of mankind, the Comforter of orphans and death row.
And He does not give us answers, just as He did not persuade the inquisitive Job, but only consoled - how? neither we nor Job know. Children who grew up in families without a true religious tradition are more vulnerable, they are defenseless against death, they are not taught from childhood to correctly experience and comprehend the death of both their loved ones and their own. Our requiems, parental Saturdays, formidable rites, kutia, little notes and magpies may seem like an unnecessary complication, unworthy of the noble gospel truth. But is it worth it to give up in the face of all our losses, past and - certainly - future? And therefore, my suicide bombers, I will put more incense in the censer and drag out a long and loud Belarusian memorial service, so that both the living and the dead can hear and be comforted by the imminent upcoming meeting.
Guest article
In the past, people had a different attitude towards death than they do now. This was perceived as an inevitability and a transitional stage when moving the soul to another world. It was considered not scary to die, and people calmly prepared funeral clothes and accessories. At the coffin of the deceased, they cried and did it sincerely and in accordance with traditions. A person who has experienced the loss of a loved one does not think about the correctness or appropriateness of sobs, but does it from the heart.
But there is a version that it is impossible to cry over the deceased, as this can damage his soul. Some consider these statements to be superstitions and say goodbye to the dead in the way that the soul requires. Crying at the coffin of a dead person is natural, and in the grief that has overtaken, it is rare for a person to think about any superstitions. Grief covers the mind and does not allow thinking about the consequences of sobbing.
What is crying
As one of the wise men said: a person begins with weeping for the dead. This means that the child becomes an adult. This is associated with the formation of consciousness, with growing up, to which grief from the loss of loved one. Philosophers say that a person becomes a conscious person only when he experiences a serious loss from the loss of a loved one and cries at his coffin. A person cannot resist a series of events, because one day he will lose the people around him or they will lose him. You will have to cry, because feelings for loved ones are very strong. The Church establishes certain rules on how to properly mourn the dead.
Why can't you cry
There are a huge number of theories why you should not cry. One of them is based on knowledge about subtle world that have been collected bit by bit for centuries. Esotericists say that the subtle world is not heaven and hell in the classical view, but a device consisting of several areas similar to layers, in each of which the souls of such people gather. Each person in the subtle world has his own destiny and the soul goes to fulfill it. When loved ones cry, the soul is forced to interrupt its occupation and become attached to the earthly world. crying man called an egoist who does not want to let go of the soul of the deceased. Esotericists say that there is a special purpose for the soul of the deceased, only by fulfilling which it will be able to incarnate again in the earthly world.
The Orthodox Church adheres to a slightly different version, which is a bit similar to the esoteric one, but is based on different principles. It is believed that a deceased person after death appears before the Lord to perform God's judgment. God determines where to send the soul of a newly deceased person and analyzes sins. The soul at this time repents before the Almighty. Crying relatives distract the soul and do not want to let it go to God's judgment. Thus, relatives detain the thin shell of the deceased in the earthly world, where she suffers and suffers.
Supporters of these theories regarding crying for the deceased are of the opinion that prayer is considered the best farewell to the deceased during the funeral. Quiet grief in prayer will help the departed soul find peace in the other world. But the Russian person is inherent in the emotional manifestation of grief. It needs to be wept and washed away. Earlier in the villages they even hired "mourners" who set the voice tone at the funeral. It was believed that parting should be accompanied by weeping and suffering of loved ones. The Church has allocated special days on which it is allowed to cry for the dead. They need to be known and crying on certain days helps the souls of the dead to calm down, to feel the love of friends and relatives.
Not all people believe in such hypotheses and show their own grief individually. Crying at a funeral is natural and it is believed that the one who does not cry does not mourn and is glad that the person has gone to another world.
V difficult moments tears come up, sometimes you want to literally burst into tears, the emotional stress is so great. Is it necessary in such a situation to hold back tears and try not to cry? That is unnecessary! In this way, you can remove nervous excitement and relax, but what you really should not do is enter a depressive state, accompanied by a long exhausting cry. We will find out why you can’t cry a lot and how it can affect your health.
How long crying affects the appearance
Every person who has cried at least once in his life is familiar with a swollen face with swollen eyes. Tears are a salty liquid and act on the skin not like water, but like a concentrated saline solution. It is not surprising, therefore, that the skin reacts to this with redness, irritation and loss of aesthetic appearance. Eyes are especially affected by weeping. They swell, the eyelids become like tightly stuffed bags. With prolonged crying, such a state persists for a long time, and if you had to cry a lot, say, before going to bed, then in the morning you can find instead of wide open eyes two narrow slits.
Red tearful eyes are by no means an ornament of appearance, therefore, with an ingrained habit of constantly crying, there is a risk of losing one's attractiveness. In turn, this factor entails new troubles - from discomfort and self-doubt, a depressive state arises, which again manifests itself in constant crying and tantrums. Sometimes, to break out of such a vicious circle, the help of a qualified specialist is required.
Reflection of crying on the mood
Long crying negatively affects the mood of a person. After prolonged sobbing, a person feels exhausted, his nervous system is in an exhausted state, it is not capable of any other emotions. Often people fall into apathy, become indifferent to the events around them. Many people experience extreme sleepiness. And if crying has become a regular and quite common thing, then a person stays in this position all the time, so it is not surprising that it is quite difficult to get out of such a depression on your own.
Reflection of crying on health
Prolonged crying negatively affects not only nervous system but for the entire organism as a whole. Scientists have proven that good positive attitude prolongs the life of a person and maintains the work of his organs at the proper level. With depression and negative experiences, the protective resources of the body are sharply reduced, immunity weakens, and the person becomes more vulnerable to various viruses and bacteria.
There is also a risk of infection directly to the organs of vision. When we cry, we usually wipe our eyes, either with our hands or with a handkerchief, the sterility of which, of course, we do not think about. Irritated, inflamed eyes are a good channel for infection to enter the body.
When a loved one or loved one dies, tears flow involuntarily. The soul itself cries, because it is alive. It is impossible to hold back tears in a moment of grief. Death always takes us by surprise.
Jesus Christ himself shed tears when he received the news of the death of Lazarus. Why did he cry, if he knew that the Soul is immortal? He saw how the relatives of the deceased were suffering, and sympathized with their grief. Jesus shed tears and showed people the measure of how to mourn for the dead.
The Savior, in a conversation with his disciples, compares death with sleep. He says he is going to "wake up" Lazarus. (Gospel of John). He had no reason to mourn the death of Lazarus. For Jesus, resurrecting a friend was as easy as waking him up from a dream.
You can’t cry for the dead, because inconsolable tears are harmful to health
Some people do not fully understand why it is impossible to cry for the dead.
It is impossible to completely refuse tears in a difficult moment.
The grief of loss should be deeply understood and endured.
Emotional experiences with tears are a normal reaction of the human psyche to bereavement.
But you need to mourn the deceased in moderation so as not to harm yourself or him. You can’t exhaust yourself with suffering and cry for a long time for the dead.
Bitter tears come from weak faith in the Lord, when people who have lost a loved one forget that life native person did not end with death.
Man passed into another world, only the physical body died.
Tears can kill you because they exacerbate chronic diseases
Is it possible to die from tears? Unresolved grief, which is expressed in tears and suffering, leads to physical and mental illnesses. Come back to ordinary life from such a state is difficult.
A person who suffers long and deeply after the death of a loved one falls into depression. He's getting aggravated chronic diseases and new severe diseases appear. Therefore, it is quite possible to bring yourself to a frenzy and die from tears.
Our separation from the dead is temporary, for all the will of God
Immediately after death, the deceased more than during life need the support of loved ones.
Death comes suddenly. People go to another world without having time to confess and repent. Unrepentant sins burden the deceased. But your destiny, your life path he can't change. That's when relatives and friends give him prayerful support.
Constantly mourning the deceased harms not only you, but also him.
The deceased will face severe trials.
He must answer for every day lived, for every unseemly act. And then there are those close to crying, instead of praying for him.
Let's remember the lines of the Bible:
(Gospel of Matthew)
“Another of His disciples said to Him: Lord! let me first go and bury my father. But Jesus said to him: Follow me, and let the dead bury their dead.”
Certainly here we are talking not that Jesus did not allow the disciple to bury his father. It speaks of unbelieving people - "dead in soul." About the need to follow the Lord and believe that the dead do not die, that our separation from them is temporary.
Those who do not believe that the soul lives after death physical body- are themselves dead.
Another important point, which I want to emphasize from the above episode scripture. The disciple turns to Jesus with a request, but the Lord refuses him.
Never forget that everything is the will of God. Not a single hair will fall from your head without the will of the Lord to do so.
When someone dies - and this is the will of God.
Therefore, the death of loved ones must be accepted with humility. To weep and suffer a lot is to resist the will of God. Rejection of the will of the Lord is a sin.
(Gospel of Matthew)
“So, do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing hidden that would not be revealed, and secret that would not be known. What I say to you in the dark, speak in the light; and whatever you hear in your ear, preach on the rooftops. And do not be afraid of those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul; but rather fear Him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for an assaria? And not one of them will fall to the ground without the will of your Father; and the hairs of your head are all numbered; do not be afraid: you are better than many small birds.
How to escort the dead on their last journey
Some people are mistaken when they think that heartbreaking sobs at a funeral are proof of love for the deceased. The tradition of loudly mourning the dead came from paganism and has not been outlived to this day.
An Orthodox Christian should accompany the deceased on his last journey calmly and with restraint.
Release the deceased with love in your heart.
1. Pray more often for the soul of the deceased after the funeral and funeral. For the first 40 days, light a church candle and pray daily. You can do this in the temple, but you can also do it at home, as your heart tells you. Most importantly, pray sincerely.
After all, the Soul, which has recently left the body, experiences anxiety and fear. After an ordinary life in a human body, the Soul does not know what lies ahead, where the Lord will determine. After death, a person gives an answer for his entire life, his future fate is determined.
2. Ask the Lord to forgive the deceased's sins voluntary and involuntary. Go to the Divine Liturgy in the church.
V Orthodox Church there are days for commemoration of the dead - Parental Saturdays. On these special days, we remember the dead, pray for them, and thus remind ourselves of the death that will come to all.
These days you need to pray to the Lord for all the dead people, not only for loved ones. This is such a tribute to the living dead.
3. Remember the deceased on the 3rd, 9th and 40th days.
Theophan the Recluse wrote:
“The dead do not suddenly get used to a new life. Even the Saints have an earthiness for some time. Until then it will fade, more or less time is required, judging by the degree of earthiness and attachment to the earthly. Tretiny, ninety and sorochiny indicate the degree of purification from earthiness.
On the anniversary of death, a commemoration is also arranged, alms are distributed, a memorial service is ordered.
"Death date better than the day birth,” wrote Blessed Jerome of Stridon, and explained this by the fact that birth binds the freedom of the soul to the body, and death frees it.
How can we help the dead
Orthodox priests instruct that caring for your dead is a Christian duty. The main concern lies in fervent prayer for the repose of the soul and for the forgiveness of sins. Establish a strong prayer connection with the deceased person, and it will be easier to survive the loss.
“The dead need prayers, like the poor need a piece of bread and a cup of water.”
(St. Theophan the Recluse).
No need to suffer desperately and shed tears. Despondency is one of the seven deadly sins, a spiritual illness. Faith in the Lord the best medicine from despondency.
Our Christian duty is to take care of the grave of the deceased with faith in our hearts, commemorate him, order requiem services, magpies, read the psalter, put candles in the church.
It is useful to purify the soul, take communion, confess, read the lives of the Holy Elders. Do good deeds in memory of a deceased loved one, give alms. There are so many living people around who need help.
The best memorial service is our virtuous life.
May God give us the strength to learn to live without a loved one, keeping a long, bright memory of him.
Why can't weep for the dead?
Cry for the dead
can not be long and strong. Allegedly, tears deceased and he cannot go to another world.
My aunt lost her son. She cried for a very long time, for 5 years she could not calm down, she grew old and no persuasion worked on her.
That's all, and they gave such arguments that he was not comfortable there from tears, that tears drown; ; that they bother him, etc.
You can’t cry for the dead because the souls of the dead are in afterlife suffer from it. When a person cries, he thinks about the deceased all the time, grieves, wants to return him. Wastes a huge amount of energy for nothing. And the soul of the deceased cannot find peace.
If we talk about crying about the recently deceased (up to 40 days), then this is fraught with the fact that the soul of the deceased may not go to another world (gain new life and body), but to get stuck here as a ghost and suffer from it. It makes no sense to cry for the long dead, the soul has found a new life and body, instead of, for example, the old and sick. He is in this position well and he is happy.
Perhaps these tears bring the soul, in a new life, suffering.
Because it is believed that crying for the deceased and showing love and pity for him negatively affects the soul of the deceased. Because of sadness and anguish, the soul will not be able to leave this world and will be doomed to eternal wandering between the worlds.
A lot of things are written here .... On March 4, 2014, my 6-year-old daughter choked .... I go to church, but it doesn’t make me feel better, for all the time I didn’t dream of my angel ... You write not to cry, but there was not a day that I did not remember her and the tears themselves flow. I go to work, communicate with people, laugh, but the deep spiritual pain does not let go. Sometimes you forget, you think that everything is fine, and sometimes you start to cry...
Yes, there is such a myth that you can’t cry for dead people, because when a person died, his soul has already set off on a journey to another world, and when we cry, we call him by this, and this causes great anxiety to the soul, you can’t interfere with the soul, she already has her way!
We cry because we are PEOPLE! And because we LOVE! Yes, the deceased goes through his affairs, not concerning us, the living! But, he was a part of our life! foundations, sometimes firmly cemented. I died 45 days ago sibling-in 28 years old. I also cry, especially in the evening. But this is in more because he didn’t manage to do anything by earthly standards - no family, no children, no favorite thing!
It’s unlikely that you won’t be able to not cry, but in no case should you scream. the soul is accustomed to the new world and to disturb it means to harm it, the soul hears everything and loud cries can frighten it. I also heard that for the first three days the soul unemotionally looks through all the pictures of her life and, if she screams loudly, she can turn around to see what is happening and at that moment she will miss some important event - it will disappear forever from her experience, imagine if there there was something very important, first love, the birth of children and the soul will forget it - this is not forgivable
