The best statements of Zhvanetsky! Winged expressions of Zhvanetsky.

Best Sayings famous satirist. (Zhvanetsky)

Better a long live queue than a short submachine gun.

Better belly from beer than hump from work.

Let them laugh at you rather than cry.

It is better to remain silent and seem like a fool than to speak up and leave no doubt about it.

It is better to make love with difficulty than to make love with work.

Better to sweat seven times than frost once!

Better a meal without appetite than an appetite without dinner.

Better a small dollar than a big thank you.

One head is good, but with a body it is better.

The pedestrian is always right. While alive.

He ran across the street at a red light and was hit by an oncoming pedestrian.

Any car will last for the rest of your life, if you drive dashingly enough.

I drive too fast to worry about my cholesterol!

Ever since I started driving, I have become more careful when crossing the road.

The main thing is not to cross the street into the other world

Don't drive faster than your guardian angel flies.

There is a genius in all of us. And every day everything is stronger ...

Learning is light, and ignorance is a pleasant twilight

Thinking is so difficult - that's why most people judge.

All men are brothers, but not all according to reason.

Wisdom doesn't always come with age. It happens that age comes alone.

A bald spot is a clearing trampled down by thoughts.

A thought is only a thought when it is thought with its head.

The most difficult thing for a person is given that which is not given to him.

You want everything at once, but you get nothing and gradually.

Everything is going well, except...

It is not enough to know one's own worth - one must also be in demand.

It's hard to get into history, but it's easy to fall into it.

Well, you broke through the wall with your head ... And what will you do in the next cell?

The best alibi is to be a victim

You can't forbid living beautifully. But you can interfere...

What fertilized, then grew.

It is not enough to find your place in life, you have to find it first.

If a person knows what he wants, then he either knows a lot or wants little.

I love my graceful figure - thin waist, beautiful hips, toned belly… And I hate the layer of fat that hides it all!

When men lack shine, they go bald.

Nothing makes dinner as tasty as not having lunch.

Why does an elephant have a tail?
- So that the elephant does not end suddenly.

Mozart, at your age, has been dead for two years.

The human body is 80% liquid. And in yours - 70% brake.

Patient: Doctor, I have a headache.
- Yes, I, in fact, do not pretend to anything. . .

Street interview:
- Tell me, where do you work?
- Where. . . I am a gynecologist.

Still, I don’t understand: Why, if a man believes that he is a Martian or a Napoleon cake, then he is treated in a psychiatric hospital; and if a man believes that he is a woman, then they try to protect his rights?

Do you speak English?
- Only with a dictionary. I'm shy with people.

Wedding:
- Do you agree to marry this woman?
- Not.
- And this one?

We can not be led astray - we do not care where to go.

From a certain age, the most pleasant thing about sex is a sense of accomplishment.

When you finally manage to get something that you have wanted for a very long time, try not to forget how badly you wanted it.

It's good where it's good, not where we're not.

If a person does not need money, then he becomes dangerous.

Heroes are needed where there are not enough professionals.

They just started living, and then the money ran out

To be successful with people, you don't have to do your best. You have to do what they like. Even if it's complete idiocy.

It's so wonderful if a woman loves fine dry wine, but can drink vodka.

Only a Russian person, looking at a beautiful picture, can swear with admiration.

A woman does not know how to hammer a nail, but she knows exactly where.

I am already at an age when the consent of a woman is more frightening than the refusal.

I was surrounded by nice, pretty people, slowly squeezing the ring

If you like to ride - go to hell.

Lovely, but expensive.

Obscene facial expression.

Before the operation it is necessary to answer a number of questions. One of them: who to call in case of complications. I answered: a more competent doctor.

There is no difference between the sick and the healthy. The sick spend their energy on moving away from death, the healthy - on approaching it.

When you are faced with a choice: to speak or remain silent, choose the latter. Silence will allow you to build only guesses at your expense, words - to draw conclusions. - Mikhail Zhvanetsky

A versatile personality is a dubious compliment. Maybe they mean that you are a boor, a dumbass, a bastard and an egoist at the same time.

I've always felt sorry for octopuses. The poor fellows really grow hands from the priests. And on the ass - ears.

They say that only fools laugh for no reason. And for some reason they forget about pretty girls ...

Zhvanetsky: Even if a person cannot be bought, one can try to sell him.

The main thing is that someone who can turn the world over should not be followed by others who can turn him over.

With such a wind, not only to light a cigarette, I can’t get a pack ...

To succeed in business, you need to learn not from your own mistakes, but from others.

Read the continuation of the famous aphorisms and quotes of Zhvanetsky on the pages:

To start from scratch, you still need to crawl up to it for a long time

Kalashnikov answering machine.

Greediness is not rudeness, it is what is formed from the combination of rudeness and ignorance with cowardice and impudence

The pedestrian is always right. While alive

The writer has not disappeared because of television, but the reader has disappeared

No need to run from a sniper, you will only die tired.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and leave no doubt about it.

Fortune smiles on the brave... And then laughs at them for a long time!!!

Don't tell me what to do and I won't tell you where to go.

There is always room for achievement in life. You just need to stay away from this place.

Each person is right in his own way. But in my opinion, no.

Nothing hurts a person more than pieces of their own happiness.

A pessimist is walking down the street, followed by two optimists in civilian clothes...

Very short lives in this country people, houses, graves

Microbes slowly crawled over Lefty's body, dragging horseshoes behind them with difficulty...

Sorry, I'm saying when you interrupt.

I have infinite respect for the monstrous choice of my people.

The best alibi is to be a victim.

What fertilized, then grew

The one who finds the exit is trampled first

The most difficult thing for a person is given that which is not given to him.

A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory.

Scientists at Harvard University have found that white mice reproduce much better if they are not interfered with by scientists at Harvard University.

The idea came to his mind and now the brain is stubbornly looking for

While you measure seven times, others will already cut off.

An idealist is one who, noticing that a rose smells better than cabbage, concludes that the soup made from it will be better ...

Whenever I remember that the Lord is just, I tremble for my country

I remember that my legs hurt so much in 1943! .. but I bought the 45th and it was fine ...

The last words of the two lion tamers: “How? I thought YOU fed them!?!”

Friends are known in trouble, if, of course, they can be found at the same time.

The crew says goodbye to you and wishes you a pleasant flight….

If relatives or friends do not call you for a long time, then they are doing well.

Better a meal without appetite than an appetite without dinner.

Everything is going well, except...

How quickly time flies: I didn’t have time to wake up, but I was already late for work.

How difficult it is to crawl with your head held high!

People are divided into those who can be relied on and those who need to be relied on.

Everything in this world is relative. For example, the length of a minute depends on which side of the toilet door you are on.

Positive emotions are the emotions that arise when you put everything on...

They met me by my clothes, they saw me off too badly ...

He ran across the street at a red light and was hit by an oncoming pedestrian.

Lottery is the most exact way taking into account the number of optimists.

Better to sweat seven times than frost once!

Wisdom doesn't always come with age. It happens that age comes alone

It is better to make love with difficulty than to make love with work.

If you're arguing with an idiot, then he probably does the same.

To start from scratch, you still need to crawl up to it for a long time.

It's hard to get into history, but it's easy to get stuck

Everything is going well, except...

It is not enough to know your own worth - you must also be in demand.

Frivolity is good health at your own peril and risk.

Don't drive faster than your guardian angel flies

You don’t sleep all day, you don’t eat all night - of course, you get tired ...

There is a genius in all of us. And every day everything is stronger ...

Never exaggerate the stupidity of enemies and the loyalty of friends...

It's a shame when your dreams come true for others!

A thought is only a thought when it is thought with its head.

What a wonderful child you have! Is it a cute boy or an ugly girl?

The more I look in the mirror, the more I believe in Darwin.

If a person knows what he wants, then he either knows a lot or wants little.

Learning is light, and ignorance is a pleasant twilight.

If you combine a dark past with a bright future, you get a gray present.

Better belly from beer than hump from work.

Ever since I started driving, I have become more careful when crossing the road.

Good always conquers evil, so whoever wins is the good one.

Better a long live burst than a short automatic one.

Let them laugh at you rather than cry.

You can't forbid living beautifully. But you can interfere...

It is not enough to find your place in life, you have to find it first.

The one who finds the exit is trampled first.

Sorry, I'm saying when you interrupt

We promise them, we promise, we promise, we promise, but it's not enough for them!

Only on your birthday you will find out how many unnecessary things are in the world

In the beginning was the Word.... However, judging by how events developed further, the Word was unprintable.

How fast time flies: I didn’t have time to wake up, but I was already late for work

Better lunch without appetite than appetite without lunch

If a person knows what he wants, then he either knows a lot or wants little.

He does not have a face, but an object for intramuscular injections

One head is good, but with a body it is better.

He does not have a face, but an object for intramuscular injections.

The main thing is not to cross the street into the other world

The main thing is not to cross the street into the other world.

In the beginning was the Word.... However, judging by how events developed further, the Word was unprintable

What roof doesn't like fast driving?

Citizens! Fly with Aeroflot! Hurry! There are very few of them left.

All men are brothers, but not all according to reason.

The optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist is afraid that this is the way it is

People are divided into those who can be relied on and those who need to be relied on.

It's hard to get into history, but it's easy to fall into it.

A well-mannered man will not make remarks to a woman who does not carry a sleeper well.

If you get your ass licked, don't relax - it's lube!

I came - thank you, I left - thank you very much ...

Any car will last for the rest of your life, if you drive dashingly enough.

Of the two evils, I choose the one that I have not tried before ...

Nothing hurts a person like pieces of their own happiness.

Thinking is so difficult - that's why most people judge.

To help you or not to interfere?

My child looks like a mother ... Screams loudly, piercingly! But my eyes are guilty, running around ...

I drive too fast to worry about my cholesterol!

So that I see you on crutches, and you see me with one eye!

To save a drowning man, it is not enough to extend a hand - it is necessary that he give his in response.

How do you have to hate this country to leave the apartment after such a repair

What a pity that you are finally leaving...

While you measure seven times, others will already cut

Better a small dollar than a big thank you.

You want everything at once, but you get nothing and gradually.

The highest degree of embarrassment - two glances that met at the keyhole

Wisdom doesn't always come with age. It happens that age comes alone.

Everything in this world is relative. For example, the length of a minute depends on which side of the toilet door you are on.

Only on your birthday do you find out how many unnecessary things there are in the world.

A bald spot is a clearing trampled down by thoughts.

There is always room for achievement in life. You just need to stay away from this place.

Learning is light, and ignorance is a pleasant twilight

The optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears that this is the case.

Don't drive faster than your guardian angel flies.

An inhabitant of Odessa and a man of the world, Mikhail Mikhailovich Zhvanetsky, is a recognized classic of the conversational genre, overshadowing the current popular stand-up comedy stars. The secret of his popularity is simple: he describes our life - sharply, accurately, brilliantly. His quotes diverge among the people. Therefore, wherever Russian is understood, he gathers full houses. Mikhal Mikhalych has many well-known miniature monologues - “How they joke in Odessa”, “Meeting at a distillery”, “It’s okay, Grigory”, etc. In order not to take up your time, we will remind you - selectively - best quotes from his works of different years.

The classic managed to be born on March 6 - therefore, we begin with a selection of thoughts about a woman ...

“Scandal does not spoil a woman, it refreshes her!”

“Women can be lovely, what fools, and terrible, what fools!”

“And the fact that they kiss you doesn’t mean anything, and the fact that they marry you doesn’t mean anything. All your life you will think that she loves you, and she will tell you this, and you will not know the truth, and you will live happily ...

- Of the human, I really like memory. From the animal - hearing. Of the parts of the body - the head. Then the eyes. Then legs. For women, it's the other way around.

About men

The ideal man is the one who is loved.

Nothing makes a man younger than stupidity.

Smart, you mean?

- In some, both hemispheres are protected by a skull, in others - by pants.

- A bald spot is a clearing trampled down by thoughts.

- All people are brothers, but not all in the mind.

About the state

- We had socialism with an inhuman face - and capitalism turned out with some kind of wild backside.

- We never saw the right course, only the right one.

“Our freedom is like a traffic light with three lights on at once.

- Politicians are people who have risen from the bottom, but have not reached the surface.

— Nation is a bouquet different colors, pulled together by border guards.

About career

- If there is a successful work, then you can sometimes take a break. And if the work is very successful, then you never rest.

- You don’t sleep all day, you don’t eat all night - of course, you get tired!

About love

- It was such love - she hung on him like an apron, he endured it only during meals.

“The worst of us are children of sex, the best are children of love.

- They merried. He is German. She's Russian. They communicate in English. Both of them speak it badly. Therefore, they never fight. Everyone thinks for a long time before speaking.

About age

— What is 80? is the right to kiss a woman without her consent and without her hope.

In old age, when more time is needed, they offer you more money.

Experience is the past, wisdom is the future.

You have to be able to distinguish between mood and feeling.

Wisdom doesn't always come with age. It happens that age comes alone.

About talent

To be heard, you need a protest. It takes talent to be remembered.

“I love in the mediocre their courage, their courage, their clear political orientation, their clear views and great enthusiasm. I just hate their performance.

- At an ordinary artist, you look at a beauty. At the great artist - she looks at you.

- It is not enough to know your own worth - you must also be in demand.

- Now the time has come when the accompaniment performs with solo concerts. And the songs in meaning are close to rock art.

About life

- To the question: "How do you live?" - howled obscenely, got drunk, filled the face of the questioner, banged his head against the wall for a long time, in general, he evaded the answer.

- What do not do with a man, he stubbornly crawls to the cemetery.

- Real loneliness - when you talk to yourself all night and you are not understood.

- A decent person can be easily recognized by how clumsily he does meanness.

- What is our life: if you don’t get used to it, you will die; if you don’t die, you will get used to it.

- For megalomania, grandeur is not required - mania is enough.

— I have adapted and watch the news from three days ago. And I think: “God, how bad it was three days ago!”

- The most difficult thing for a person is that which is not given to him.

“Better to laugh at you than cry.

What a pity that you are finally leaving...

“Nothing hurts a person more than pieces of their own happiness.

“There is no shame in digging through the trash. It's embarrassing to be happy about it.

“I used to worry about the thought that I might be forgotten. But today I'm already worried about the thought that I might be remembered.

“If someone appears ready to move mountains, others will surely follow him, ready to wring his neck.

“Only on your birthday do you find out how many unnecessary things there are in the world!”

- You want everything at once - but you get nothing and gradually

- Money will disappear - people will appear ...

Aphorisms and quotes by Mikhail Zhvanetsky

Mikhail Mikhailovich Zhvanetsky is a modern Russian satirist writer, artist, author and performer of satirical miniatures and dialogues. Zhvanetsky's work is saturated with colorful Odessa humor. His causticity in relation to human and social vices enjoys constant success with the public. Below are some aphorisms and quotes from Mikhail Zhvanetsky.

“Whenever I remember that the Lord is just, I tremble for my country”

“Nothing hurts a person like fragments of his own happiness”

“If a person knows what he wants, then he either knows a lot or wants little”

“Wisdom does not always come with age. Sometimes age comes alone

"While you measure seven times, others will already cut off"

“There is a genius in all of us. And every day everything is stronger ... "

“So that I see you on crutches, and you see me with one eye!”

“The main thing is not to cross the street into the other world”

"What a pity that you are finally leaving..."

"The highest degree of embarrassment - two glances that met at the keyhole"

“Better to sweat seven times than frost once!”

“People, houses, graves live in this country for a very short time”

"It's hard to get into history, but it's easy to fall into it"

“In the beginning was the Word.... However, judging by how events developed further, the Word was unprintable”

“I came - thank you, I left - thank you very much ...”

“In life there is always a place for a feat. You just need to stay away from this place.”

"Better a meal without appetite than an appetite without dinner"

"Sorry, I'm saying when you interrupt"

“Zhlobstvo is not rudeness, it is what is formed from the combination of rudeness and ignorance with cowardice and impudence”

“He does not have a face, but an object for intramuscular injections”

"Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly"

“We promise them, we promise, we promise, we promise, but it’s not enough for them!”

"People are divided into those who can be relied on and those who need to be relied on"

"Never exaggerate the stupidity of enemies and the loyalty of friends..."

“The idea came to his head and now the brain is stubbornly searching”

"Life is like a piano: the key is white, the key is black ... the cover"

“How difficult it is to crawl with your head held high!”

"Literature is the art of avoiding words"

“You can’t forbid living beautifully. But you can interfere ... "

“Friendship has changed so much that it allows betrayal, does not need meetings, correspondence, heated conversations, and even allows for the presence of one friend”

"Any car will last the rest of your life if you drive smart enough"

“It's a shame when your dreams come true for others!”

"Some people look brave because they're afraid to run away"

"A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory"

“Learning is light, and ignorance is a pleasant twilight”

“You don’t sleep all day, you don’t eat all night - of course, you get tired ...”

"The one who finds the exit is trampled first"

“It is better to remain silent and seem like a fool than to speak and leave no doubt about this”

“The sick and the healthy live the same time, only those forces that the patient spends on distance, the healthy - on the approach of a bright light at the end of the tunnel”

“How quickly time flies: I didn’t have time to wake up, but I was already late for work”

“The optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist is afraid that this is the way it is.”

“Everything in this world is relative. For example, the length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.”

“The writer has not disappeared because of television, but the reader has disappeared”

“Only on your birthday do you find out how many unnecessary things are in the world”

“How much you have to hate this country to leave an apartment after such a renovation”

“Of two evils, I choose the one I haven’t tried before ...”

"I have infinite respect for the monstrous choice of my people"

“What they fertilized, then it grew”

“To start from scratch, you still have to crawl up to it for a long time”

“Everything is going well, only passing by ...”

“What a wonderful child you have! Is this a cute boy or an ugly girl?

“A thought is only a thought when it is thought with its head”

“An idealist is one who, noticing that a rose smells better than cabbage, concludes that the soup from it will be better ...”

"Don't tell me what to do and I won't tell you where to go"

"Lidness is feeling good at your own peril"

“The most difficult thing for a person is that which is not given to him”

“If relatives or friends do not call you for a long time, then they are doing well”

“Old age is approaching like an electric train: here it is still there, and now it is already here”

“Loneliness is when you talk to yourself all night long, but they don’t understand you”

"The history of Russia is the struggle of ignorance with injustice"

"Laughing for no reason is a sign that you are either an idiot or a pretty girl"

“Our people are not ready. Not ready to live yet. They don’t want to die, but they are not ready to live”

“All the greats have long since died, and something is unwell to me”

“If a person cannot be bought, then he can be sold”

“The pedestrian is always right. while alive"

“I drive too fast to worry about cholesterol!”

“No matter how much you steal from the state, you still won’t get yours back!”

"Lot good people in the world ... But there are more of them in the next world ”

"The more I look in the mirror, the more I believe in Darwin"

“I look at you and think: how a small glass of my blood at breakfast has a beneficial effect on a woman”

“If you add a dark past to a bright future, you get a gray present”

“A decent person can be easily recognized by how clumsily he does meanness”

“It’s not enough to find your place in life, you have to find it first”

“My child looks like a mother ... He yells loudly, piercingly! But my eyes are guilty, running around ... "

"The best alibi is to be a victim"

“A well-mannered man will not reprimand a woman who does not carry a sleeper well”

"A bald spot is a clearing trampled down by thoughts"

“If you argue with an idiot, then he probably does the same”

“You want everything at once, but you get nothing and gradually”

"One head is good, but a head with a body is better"

“Fortune smiles on the brave... And then laughs at them for a long time!!!”

"Born to crawl - crawl everywhere"

"Better a small dollar than a big thank you"

“They met me by my clothes, they saw me off too badly ...”

"No need to run from a sniper, you will only die tired"

"They learn from their mistakes, they make a career from others"

“There are three reasons for non-attendance: forgot, washed down or scored”

“What do you want most when you get upstairs? Spit down"

“I ran across the street at a red light and was hit by an oncoming pedestrian”

“For megalomania, grandeur is not required, but mania is enough”

"In some, both hemispheres are protected by a skull, in others - by pants"

“If someone appears ready to move mountains, others will definitely follow him, ready to wring his neck”

"Each person is the blacksmith of his own happiness and the anvil of someone else's"

“There are no happy endings. If happy, it's not the end"

“Russia is a country of talents. Lots of talent, no one to work"

“Better a long live queue than a short automatic one”

"And the wolves are full, and the sheep are safe, and the shepherd has eternal memory"

“In Odessa, what is quickly raised is not considered to be fallen”

"A pessimist is walking down the street, followed by two optimists in civilian clothes..."

"All men are brothers, but not all are wise"

“Good always conquers evil, so whoever wins is the good one”

"Thinking is so difficult - that's why most people judge"

“We just can’t have anything. We may not have everything. Whatever you want, we may not have.”

"To help you or not to interfere?"

“Better belly from beer than hump from work”

“A pleasant innovation is singing to the soundtrack. Favorite singer arrives at the concert, but does not take his voice with him.

“Every person is right in their own way. But I don't think so."

“It’s good not just where we are not, but where we have never been!”

"The lottery is the most accurate way to account for the number of optimists"

“Scientists at Harvard University have found that white mice reproduce much better if they are not interfered with by scientists at Harvard University.”

"Under pressure from the outside, humor is born from the inside"

“It’s not enough to know your worth - you still need to be in demand”

"We are mastering more high style spore. Argument without facts. Dispute on temperament. The dispute, moving from an allegation to the identity of the partner "

“Whoever married a young woman paid in full: she will never see him young, he will never see her old”

“No one is afraid of radiation in our country - it is believed that we simply will not have time to die from it”

“Since I started driving, I have become more careful when crossing the road.”

“You ask, what are the tomatoes for? Ask for six, give for five. Okay, I'll take four, you have three"

“As one Eastern sage living in Odessa said, one cannot be honest and dishonest at the same time, even if it happens in different places”

“It is better to make love with difficulty than to make love with work”

“Fools are very fond of punishing smart people. First, they lift themselves up. Secondly, they get smarter. Thirdly, everyone sees who is in charge. The only thing is that they don’t know what to do.”

“Friends are known in trouble, if, of course, they can be found at the same time”

“What can a lame man say about the art of Herbert von Karajan? If you immediately declare to him that he is lame, he admits that he is defeated.

“Better to laugh at you than cry”

“A person’s character can be judged by how he behaves with those who cannot be of any help to him, as well as with those who cannot give him back”

"To save a drowning man, it is not enough to extend a hand - it is necessary that he give his in response"

“What can a person who has not changed his passport argue about?”

“Did you know that a thrifty housewife cuts meat for holiday table very thin slices? And the cunning guest eats five of them at once.

“The entire population takes the form of an object. Who works with what, takes its form"

“You can’t love - sit be friends!”

“You sit at home - it seems that everyone is sitting at home. You go out into the street - it seems that everyone has left. You get to the station - you think, well, everyone went. In the hospital, the impression is that everyone has gone there; in the cemetery - everyone is bent. Well, there are many of us. Enough for everything. And it's too much everywhere"

“In general, how can we be interested in the opinion of a bald man with such a nose? Let him first fix his nose, grow his hair, and then speak out. ”

In addition to aphorisms and quotes from Mikhail Zhvanetsky, our website contains many statements and other famous people. Use the alphabet at the top of the page to find them.

The best statements of Zhvanetsky! Winged expressions of Zhvanetsky.

Aphorisms and quotes by Mikhail Zhvanetsky

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