The best sayings of Zhvanetsky! Zhvanetsky's winged expressions.
The best sayings of the famous satirist. (Zhvanetsky)
Better a long live queue than a short submachine gun.
Better a belly from beer than a hump from work.
Let them laugh at you better than cry.
It is better to remain silent and seem like a fool than to speak up and leave no doubts on this score.
It is better to make love with difficulty than to labor with love.
Better to be covered in sweat seven times than frost once!
Better lunch without appetite than appetite without lunch.
Better a little dollar than a big thank you.
One head is good, but the body is better.
The pedestrian is always right. While alive.
I ran across the street at a red light and was hit by an oncoming pedestrian.
Any car will last for the rest of your life if you drive smartly enough.
I drive too fast to worry about cholesterol!
Since I started driving, I have become more careful when crossing the road.
The main thing is not to cross the street to the next world
Don't drive faster than your guardian angel flies.
A genius sleeps in any of us. And every day everything is stronger ...
Learning is light, and ignorance is a pleasant twilight
Thinking is so difficult - that's why most people judge.
All people are brothers, but not all according to reason.
Wisdom doesn't always come with age. It happens that age comes alone.
A bald head is a clearing trampled by thoughts.
Thought is only thought when its head is thought.
The most difficult thing is given to a person that is not given to him.
You want everything at once, but you get nothing gradually.
Everything is going well, only by ...
It is not enough to know your own worth - you also need to be in demand.
History is difficult to enter, but easy to plunge into.
Well, you broke through the wall with your head ... And what are you going to do in the next cell?
The best alibi is to be a victim
You can't forbid living beautifully. But you can prevent ...
What fertilized it grew.
It is not enough to find your place in life, you have to find it first.
If a person knows what he wants, then he either knows a lot or wants little.
I love my graceful figure - thin waist, beautiful hips, toned belly... And I hate the layer of fat that hides it all!
When men lack shine, they go bald.
Nothing makes dinner as delicious as not having lunch.
Why does an elephant have a tail?
- So that the elephant does not end suddenly.
Mozart, at your age, died two years ago.
The human body is 80% liquid. And in yours - 70% brake.
Patient: Doctor, I have a headache.
- Yes, I, in fact, do not pretend to anything. ... ...
Street interview:
- Tell me, where do you work?
- Where where. ... ... I am a gynecologist.
I still don't understand: Why, if a man thinks that he is a Martian or Napoleon cake, then he is treated in a psychiatric hospital; and if a man thinks that he is a woman, then they are trying to defend his rights?
Do you speak English?
- Only with a dictionary. I'm still shy with people.
Wedding:
- Do you agree to marry this woman?
- No.
- And this one?
We can't be led astray - we don't care where to go.
From a certain age, the most pleasant thing about sex is a sense of accomplishment.
When you finally get something you've wanted for a very long time, try not to forget how badly you wanted it.
It is good where it is good, and not where we are not.
If a person does not need money, then he becomes dangerous.
Heroes are needed where there are not enough professionals.
We just started to live, and then the money ran out
You don't have to do your best to be successful with people. We must do as they like. Even if this is complete idiocy.
It is so wonderful if a woman loves exquisite dry wine, but can drink vodka.
Only a Russian person, looking at a beautiful picture, can swear with admiration.
A woman doesn't know how to hammer in a nail, but she knows exactly where.
I am already at an age when a woman’s consent is more frightening than refusal.
I was surrounded by nice, nice people, slowly squeezing the ring
If you like to ride, go to hell.
Lovely, but expensive.
Obscene facial expression.
Sharp quotes, funny sayings from Odessa, satirist Mikhail Mikhailovich Zhvanetsky.
One awkward move and you are the father
What is our life: if you do not get used to it, you will die, if you do not die, you will get used to it.
What do you most want when you climb up? Spit down.
To save a drowning man, it is not enough to stretch out his hand - it is necessary that he give his hand in response.
If a person knows what he wants, then he either knows a lot or wants little.
If you are arguing with an idiot, then he probably does the same.
What a pity you finally leave ...
A real family arises when both are not needed by anyone.
Sometimes they drink from nothing to do, sometimes they do from nothing to drink, and sometimes they die - from nothing to drink and nothing to do
A decent person can be easily recognized by how awkwardly he does mean things.
Better a little dollar than a big thank you.
Only on your birthday you will find out how many unnecessary things there are in the world.
He's an old fool. Although age has nothing to do with it.
If you cannot love - sit and be friends!
Fools love to punish smart ones. First, they raise themselves. Secondly, they turn out smarter. Thirdly, everyone can see who is in charge. The only thing is that they don't know what to do afterwards.
Everything is going well, only by ...
It is not enough to find your place in life, you have to find it first.
Life is like a piano: the key is white, the key is black ... the cover.
You sit at home - it seems that everyone is at home. You go out into the street - it seems that everyone went out. You get to the station - you think, well, everyone's gone. In the hospital, the impression is that everyone is there; at the cemetery - everyone bends over. Well, there are a lot of us. There is enough for everything. And too much everywhere.
Old age is approaching like an electric train: now it is still there, and now it is already here.
We promise them, we promise, we promise, we promise, but everything is not enough for them!
We have so many things. We may not have everything. Whatever you want with us, it may not be.
The sick and the healthy live the same time, only those forces that the patient spends on distance, healthy - on the approach of a bright light at the end of the tunnel.
It is better to remain silent and seem like a fool than to speak up and leave no doubts on this score.
How much does a person need for complete happiness? - Few!? But only so that others have even less.
Never exaggerate the stupidity of enemies and the loyalty of friends ...
The one who finds the exit is trampled down first.
Positive emotions are emotions that arise if you put everything on ...
Don't tell me what to do, and I won't tell you where you need to go.
Good always triumphs over evil, which means that whoever won is good.
Scientists at Harvard University have found that white mice reproduce much better if they are not interfered with by scientists at Harvard University.
In some, both hemispheres are protected by the skull, in others - by pants.
An optimist believes that we live in the best of worlds. The pessimist fears that this is the case.
There are three reasons for not showing up: forgetting, drinking or scoring.
It's hard to be the last bitch - there is always someone in the back!
They met me on my clothes, conducted me badly too ...
There are no happy ends. If happy, this is not the end.
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Today website chose the brightest sayings and aphorisms of his favorite satirist.
About life
- History is difficult to enter, but easy to plunge into.
- Luck smiles at the brave ... And then laughs at them for a long time!
- Alcohol in small doses is harmless in any amount.
- The highest degree of embarrassment is the two gazes meeting in the keyhole.
- An optimist believes that we live in the best of worlds. The pessimist fears that this is the case.
- Everything is going well, just past.
- There are no forbidden things, there are things that are not recommended.
- You want everything at once, but you get nothing gradually.
- In the beginning was the Word .... However, judging by how events developed further, the Word was unprintable.
- You don't sleep all day, you don't eat all night - of course, you get tired ...
- Wisdom doesn't always come with age. It happens that age comes alone.
- Any car will last for the rest of your life if you drive smartly enough.
- The most unfortunate animal is the octopus. He has legs from the ears, and hands from the ass, and the ass itself - with ears.
- It is better to make love with love than make love with difficulty.
- Only on your birthday you will find out how many unnecessary things there are in the world.
- A clear conscience is a sign of poor memory.
- Are you happy? At different times he answered this question in different ways, but always - in the negative.
- There are no happy ends. If happy, then not the end.
- It is a great happiness to see a real bloody heroic life and not participate in it.
- Happiness is to see the toilet and run to it.
- You can't forbid living beautifully. But you can interfere.
- If you are arguing with an idiot, then he probably does the same.
- I said: "Either I will live well, or my works will become immortal." And life again turned towards works.
- Good always triumphs over evil, so whoever won is good.
About Russia
- Russia is a land of talent. There are a lot of talents - there is no one to work.
- When does it feel like the whole world is lying? When you are announced on the plane that the time difference between Moscow and New York is only 8 hours.
- The history of Russia is a struggle between ignorance and injustice.
- Our freedom is like a traffic light with three lights burning at once.
- We have so many things. We may not have everything. Whatever you want with us, it may not be.
- In a country where everyone is sneaking along the fence, it is not easy to ask for directions.
- Today the words: "There is one good program on television ..." - they remind of a denunciation.
- A normal person in our country responds to his surroundings with only one thing - he drinks. Therefore, a non-drinker is still a bastard.
- No one can lead us astray - we don't care where we go.
About a human
About serious
- Life is short. And you have to be able to. You have to be able to leave a bad film. Throwing a bad book. Walk away from bad person... A lot of them.
- Nothing hurts a person like shards of his own happiness.
- What is a Writing Life? Not a single thought out loud. What is a Writer's Death? The publication.
- Think badly of yourself for at least five minutes a day. When they think badly of you - that's one thing ... But about yourself five minutes a day ... It's like running thirty minutes.
- Never exaggerate the stupidity of enemies and the loyalty of friends.
- Real loneliness is when you talk to yourself all night and they don't understand you.
- Guys, if we're up to our neck in shit, let's join hands!
site on the books of M. Zhvanetsky "Collected Works in 5 volumes", "Selected", as well as on materials of performances of the satirist.
Photo from the archive of Mikhail Zhvanetsky.
Odesa and a man of the world Mikhail Mikhailovich Zhvanetsky is a recognized classic of the spoken genre, eclipsing the current popular stars of stand-up comedy. The secret of his popularity is simple: he describes our life - poignantly, precisely, brilliantly. His quotes diverge among the people. Therefore, wherever Russian is understood, he collects full houses. Michal Mikhalych has many famous monologues-miniatures - "How they joke in Odessa", "Meeting at a distillery", "Normally, Gregory" etc. In order not to take your time, we will remind - selectively - best quotes from his works of different years.
The classic managed to be born on March 6 - that's why we start with a selection of reflections on a woman ...
- Scandal does not spoil a woman, it refreshes her!
- Women are delightful, what fools and horror what fools!
“And the fact that they kiss you means nothing, and the fact that they marry you means nothing. All your life you will think that she loves you, and she will tell you this, and you will not know the truth, and you will live happily ...
- I like memory very much from human. From the animal - hearing. From parts of the body - the head. Then the eyes. Then the legs. For women, the opposite is true.
About men
- The ideal man is the one who is loved.
- Nothing makes a man so young as stupidity.
Smart, then? ..
- In some, both hemispheres are protected by the skull, in others - by pants.
- Bald head is a clearing trampled by thoughts.
- All people are brothers, but not all by reason.
About the state
- We had socialism with an inhuman face - and capitalism turned out with some wild backside.
- We have not seen the correct course, only the correct one.
- Our freedom resembles a traffic light with three lights burning at once.
- Politicians are people who rose from the bottom, but did not reach the surface.
- A nation is a bouquet different colors strapped by border guards.
About career
- If you have a successful job, then you can rest sometimes. And if the work is very successful, then you never rest.
- You don't sleep all day, you don't eat all night - of course, you get tired!
About love
- It was such love - it hung on him like an apron, he endured it only while eating.
“The worst of us are children of sex, the best are children of love.
- They merried. He is German. She's Russian. Communicate in English. Both speak it badly. Therefore, they never swear. Everyone thinks for a long time before speaking.
About age
- What is 80? - this is the right to kiss a woman without her consent and without her hope.
- In old age, when you need more time, you are offered more money.
- Experience is the past, wisdom is the future.
- You need to be able to distinguish between mood and well-being.
- Wisdom does not always come with age. It happens that age comes alone.
About talent
- To be heard - you need a protest. To be remembered, you need talent.
- I love in their mediocre courage, their courage, their clear political orientation, their clear views and great passion. I just hate their performance.
- With an ordinary artist, you look at a beauty. A great artist - she looks at you.
- It is not enough to know your own worth - you also have to be in demand.
- Now the time has come when the accompaniment performs solo concerts. And the songs in their meaning are close to rock art.
About life
- To the question: "How do you live?" - howled obscenely, got drunk, filled the face of the questioner, beat his head against the wall for a long time, in general, avoided answering.
- What do not do to a person, he stubbornly crawls into the cemetery.
- Real loneliness - when you talk to yourself all night and they don't understand you.
- A decent person can be easily recognized by how awkwardly he does mean things.
- What is our life: if you do not get used to it, you will die, if you do not die, you will get used to it.
- For megalomania, greatness is not required - mania is enough.
- I adapted and watch the news three days ago. And I think: "Lord, how shitty it was three days ago!"
- The most difficult thing is given to a person that is not given to him.
- Let them laugh at you better than cry.
- What a pity that you finally leave ...
- Nothing hurts a person like shards of his own happiness.
- It's not a shame to dig in the trash. I am ashamed to be happy from this.
“I used to be bothered by the thought that I might be forgotten. But today I am worried about the thought that they might remember me.
- If there is someone ready to move mountains, others will surely follow him, ready to break his neck.
- Only on your birthday you will find out how many unnecessary things there are in the world! ..
- You want everything at once - but you get nothing and gradually
- Money will disappear - people will appear ...
Aphorisms and quotes by Mikhail Zhvanetsky
Mikhail Mikhailovich Zhvanetsky is a modern Russian satirist writer, artist, author and performer of satirical miniatures and dialogues. Zhvanetsky's work is saturated with colorful Odessa humor. His causticity about human and social vices is a popular success with the public. Below are some of the aphorisms and quotes by Mikhail Zhvanetsky."Whenever I remember that the Lord is just, I tremble for my country."
"Nothing hurts a person like shards of his own happiness"
"If a person knows what he wants, then he either knows a lot or wants a little"
“Wisdom doesn't always come with age. It happens that age comes alone "
"Until you measure seven times, others will already cut off"
“There is a genius sleeping in any of us. And every day everything is stronger ... "
"So that I can see you on crutches, and you see me with one eye!"
"The main thing is not to cross the street to the next world"
"What a pity that you finally leave ..."
"The highest degree of embarrassment - two gazes meeting in the keyhole"
"Better to be covered in sweat seven times than frost once!"
“People, houses, graves live in this country for a very short time”
"It is difficult to enter history, but it is easy to plunge into history."
"In the beginning was the Word .... However, judging by how events developed further, the Word was unprintable."
"I came - thank you, left - thank you very much ..."
“There is always a place for feat in life. You just need to stay away from this place "
"Better lunch without appetite than appetite without lunch"
"Sorry, I'm saying when you interrupt"
"Redneck is not rudeness, it is what is formed from the combination of rudeness and ignorance with cowardice and insolence"
"He has not a face, but an object for intramuscular injections."
"Do not drive faster than your guardian angel flies."
"We promise them, we promise, we promise, we promise, but it's not enough for them!"
"People are divided into those on whom you can rely and on those on whom you need to put"
"Never exaggerate the stupidity of enemies and the loyalty of friends ..."
"The idea came to his head and now he is searching for a brain."
"Life is like a piano: the key is white, the key is black ... the cover"
"How difficult it is to crawl with your head held high!"
"Literature is the art of avoiding words"
“You can't forbid living beautifully. But you can interfere ... "
"Friendship has changed so much that it allows betrayal, does not need meetings, correspondence, hot conversations, and even admits the presence of one friend"
"Any car will last for the rest of your life if you drive smartly enough"
"It's a shame when your dreams come true for others!"
"Some look brave because they are afraid to run away."
"A clear conscience is a sign of bad memory"
"Learning is light, and ignorance is a pleasant twilight"
"You don't sleep all day, you don't eat all night - of course, you get tired ..."
"The one who finds the exit is trampled down first"
"It is better to remain silent and seem like a fool than to speak up and leave no doubts on this score."
"The sick and the healthy live the same time, only those forces that the patient spends on distance, the healthy one - on the approach of a bright light at the end of the tunnel"
"How quickly time flies: I didn't have time to wake up, but I was already late for work"
“The optimist believes that we live in the best of worlds. The pessimist is afraid that this is the case "
“Everything in this world is relative. For example, the length of a minute depends on which side of the toilet door you are on. "
"The writer has not disappeared because of television, but the reader has disappeared"
"Only on your birthday you will find out how many unnecessary things there are in the world"
"How one must hate this country to leave an apartment after such a renovation"
"Of two evils, I choose what I have not tried before ..."
"I endlessly respect the monstrous choice of my people."
"What they fertilized, then it grew"
"To start from scratch, you still have to crawl up to it for a long time."
"Everything is going well, only past ..."
“What a wonderful child you have! Is this a cute boy or a ugly girl? "
"Thought is only thought when its head is thought"
"An idealist is someone who, having noticed that a rose smells better than cabbage, concludes that the soup from it will be better ..."
"Don't tell me what I need to do, and I won't tell you where you need to go."
"Frivolity is wellness at your own risk."
"The hardest thing for a person is given what is not given to him."
"If your relatives or friends do not call you for a long time, then everything is fine with them."
"Old age is approaching like a train: here it is still there, and now it is already here"
"Loneliness is when you talk to yourself all night, but they don't understand you"
"History of Russia - the struggle of ignorance against injustice"
"Laughing for no reason is a sign that you are either an idiot or a pretty girl."
“Our people are not ready. Not ready to live yet. They don't want to die, but they are not ready to live "
"All the greats have died a long time ago, and I am not well enough"
"If a person cannot be bought, then he can be sold"
“The pedestrian is always right. While alive "
"I drive too fast to worry about cholesterol!"
"No matter how much you steal from the state, you still can't get yours back!"
"A lot of good people in the world ... But there are more of them in the next world "
"The more I look in the mirror, the more I believe Darwin."
"I look at you and think: how a small glass of my blood at breakfast has a beneficial effect on a woman."
"If you add up a dark past with a bright future, you get a gray present."
"A decent person can be easily recognized by how awkwardly he does mean things."
"It's not enough to find your place in life, you have to find it first"
“My child looks like a mother ... It yells loudly, shrilly! But my eyes are guilty, they run ... "
"The best alibi is to be a victim"
"A well-mannered man will not reprimand a woman who does not carry a sleeper well."
"Bald head is a clearing trampled by thoughts"
"If you argue with an idiot, then he probably does the same."
"You want everything at once, but you get nothing gradually"
"One head is good, but a head with a torso is better."
"Luck smiles at the brave ... And then laughs at them for a long time !!!"
"Born to crawl - will crawl everywhere"
"Better a little dollar than a big thank you"
"They met me on my clothes, they conducted me badly too ..."
"You don't need to run from a sniper, you just die tired"
"They learn from their mistakes, from others - they make a career."
"There are three reasons for not showing up: forgot, washed down or scored."
“What do you most want when you climb up? Spit down "
"I ran across the street at a red light and was hit by an oncoming pedestrian"
"Greatness is not required for megalomania, but mania is enough."
"In some, both hemispheres are protected by the skull, in others - by trousers."
"If someone appears who is ready to move mountains, others will surely follow him, ready to break his neck."
"Each person is the blacksmith of his own happiness and the anvil of someone else's"
“There are no happy ends. If happy, this is not the end "
“Russia is a country of talents. There are a lot of talents, there is no one to work "
"Better a long live queue than a short submachine gun"
"And the wolves are fed, and the sheep are safe, and eternal memory to the shepherd"
"In Odessa, what is quickly lifted is not considered to be fallen."
"There is a pessimist walking down the street, followed by two optimists in civilian clothes ..."
"All people are brothers, but not all according to reason"
"Good always triumphs over evil, which means whoever won is good."
"Thinking is so hard - that's why most people judge."
“We have so many things. We may not have everything. Anything you want with us may not be there "
"Should I help you or not hinder?"
"Better a belly from beer than a hump from work"
“A pleasant innovation is singing to the soundtrack. Favorite singer flies to the concert, but does not take his voice with him "
“Each person is right in his own way. But in my opinion, no "
"It's good not just where we are not, but where we have never been!"
“The lottery is the most exact way taking into account the number of optimists "
"Scientists at Harvard University have found that white mice reproduce much better if they are not interfered with by scientists at Harvard University."
"Under pressure from outside, humor is born inside"
"It's not enough to know your own worth - you still need to be in demand"
“We are mastering more high style spore. Dispute without facts. Dispute over temperament. A dispute moving from an unsubstantiated statement to the identity of a partner "
"Whoever married a young man paid in full: she will never see him young, he will never see her old."
"Nobody is afraid of radiation in our country - it is believed that we simply will not have time to die from it"
"Since I started driving, I have become more careful when crossing the road."
“You ask, what are the tomatoes for? I'll ask for six, I'll give it for five. Okay, I'll take four, three for you. "
“As one Eastern sage living in Odessa said,“ You cannot be honest and dishonest at the same time, even if it happens in different places ”
"It's better to make love with difficulty than to make love with love."
“Fools are very fond of punishing smart ones. First, they raise themselves. Secondly, they turn out smarter. Thirdly, everyone can see who is in charge. The only thing is that they don't know what to do afterwards. "
"Friends are known in trouble, if, of course, they can be found at the same time"
“What can a lame man say about the art of Herbert von Karajan? If he immediately declares that he is lame, he admits himself defeated "
"It's better to laugh at you than cry"
"A person's character can be judged by how he behaves with those who cannot be of any use to him, as well as with those who cannot give him back."
"To save a drowning man, it is not enough to stretch out his hand - he must give his hand in return"
"What can a person who has not changed their passport argue about?"
“Did you know that an economical housewife cuts meat for festive table very thin slices? And the cunning guest eats them five at a time "
“The entire population takes the form of an object. Whoever works with what takes its form ”
"If you cannot love - sit and be friends!"
“You sit at home - it seems that everyone is at home. You go out into the street - it seems that everyone went out. You get to the station - you think, well, everyone's gone. In the hospital, the impression is that everyone is there; at the cemetery - everyone bends over. Well, there are a lot of us. There is enough for everything. And too much everywhere "
“And in general, how can we be interested in the opinion of a bald man with such a nose? Let him first fix his nose, grow hair, and then express himself. "
In addition to the aphorisms and quotes of Mikhail Zhvanetsky, our website contains many statements and other famous people... To find them, use the alphabet at the beginning of the page.
