If a person is offended what to do. Different strategies for dealing with those who offend you

The law of physics echoes this - action is equal to reaction. These laws operate in a conflict situation as well as possible.

It's hard to avoid them in life. For some people, a sidelong glance in public transport can be considered a conflict. Other people are mentioned in folk wisdom: "Spit in his eyes, everything is God's dew."

People provocateurs

A person who is happy to once again enter into a skirmish can be met quite often, and conflict does not depend on social status and position. The difference between such a person and everyone else is that he enjoys conflict and by hook or by crook he is ready to insist on his own, not neglecting outright rudeness and insults.

A wise person in such a situation will simply step aside, not sinking to a response. But depending on the psychotype internal state may be the most unpredictable.

Defense lessons

Even a sanguine person can endure the insult inflicted for a long time, not to mention melancholic and choleric people. What to do if the interlocutor turned out to be an "energy vampire" and deliberately evokes emotions? An exercise that can be conventionally called "I am in the bank" is widespread. You need to imagine yourself fenced off from a vampire by a glass wall from all sides. Negative energy will push away from the obstacle, without affecting the psyche, and the vampire, not feeling the nourishment, will calm down the ardor.

Outright rudeness can be avoided if you choose to communicate suitable people... Once in the society of people who are theoretically capable of insulting, firstly, you do not need to provoke them either with a look or a gesture, and secondly, remember that all people are worthy of respect. If the attack still sounded, and there is no opportunity to leave, then you should sympathetically ask about his well-being, problems, that is demonstrate goodwill and respect.

An insult can be inflicted without the use of outright rudeness. As a rule, an educated person who is not burdened with moral principles... Highly intellectual insult is difficult to notice, sometimes it is only by the reaction of others that one can understand that it has taken place. If there is not enough knowledge to parry with dignity, you can simply admit that the fact of the insult is understood, there will be no answer, the interlocutor can triumph. Self-control and irony in this case compensates for the lack of knowledge.

You can get insulted when communicating on social networks and on forums when discussing any topic. The so-called trolls sometimes deliberately provoke the interlocutor to emotions, while resorting to direct insults. Here we must distinguish between intent and reaction to the next post. In the first case, the easiest way is to send the boor to the blacklist and, if possible, notify the moderators about him. In the second case, you can try to figure out the cause of the irritation and try to smooth out the tension. If it didn’t work out, then do not reply to his posts anymore or, following the troll, to “ignore”.

Sometimes, when patience bursts, there is a keen desire to finally respond in kind, to relieve irritation. You should not go on about such a desire. After the splash, a delicate person will suffer, and he will be disturbed by the state of the opponent whom he tried to offend, especially if it worked out. There is a small childish secret: imagine that you have taken revenge on the abuser. Anger will take off like a hand, and even feel sorry for a stupid and unhappy person.

Most people, faced with insults in their direction, in the first seconds feel confused, not knowing how to react to such aggressive attacks. Nevertheless, if you happen to find yourself in a similar situation again, try to get your bearings right away and remember some recommendations.

How to behave when you are insulted

Do not react to negativity and insults

Sometimes in such situations, it is the absence of any reaction that may turn out to be the best way out out of the situation. It is possible that later you will begin to reproach yourself for this silence and shyness, but most often later people are proud of the fact that they managed to restrain themselves and not sink to the level of a tactless and aggressive person who tried to "hook". This is especially true if it comes about an energy vampire - such a person only expects a response from you, it only "feeds" him. Communication with such a person always ends in the same way - you feel overwhelmed, and your opponent's mood clearly rises.

Whether to respond with aggression in a conflict

This is not the most the best option, and it is applicable only in exceptional cases. So, when is aggression appropriate in response:

physical strength

To translate the situation in a positive direction (laugh it off)

Perhaps you have a quarrel with a really close person, and you do not want to continue this ugly scene, realizing that such a development of events will only harm your relationship. In this case, it makes sense to pull yourself together and turn the conflict into a completely different direction with the help of a joke. If the person is really close, then you know what topic can provoke a smile on his face. Of course, this is not so easy to do when the insult is strangling himself, and you want to give a worthy rebuff to the interlocutor. However, it is important to understand that in this way you act the wisest - do not allow yourself to be completely disappointed in close person, and to him - in you. When the intensity of passions subsides, offer to return to the topic that quarreled you in order to calmly resolve the dilemma that has arisen.

Try to shame the abuser into silence

Sometimes, a person can forget and behave completely tactless. If you know that such behavior is usually not typical for him, then, of course, it makes sense to shame him. Most likely, the opponent will immediately realize that he is overstepping the bounds of decency. This method is also effective when dealing with children. Almost all of them go through tipping points at different stages of their development, and aggression in response to their offensive tone can only do harm. In such cases, it is really better to create a sense of shame for your words.

Prove your case with clever words and logical arguments

Answering options like these can help you reason with the offending person and redirect their energy from the flow of insults to constructive dialogue. If a person is lying, then just ask him: "Why are you behaving this way?" In response, for sure, you will hear more intelligible information than before. If necessary, this question can be repeated several times. Also, if you notice that the interlocutor is clearly "overwhelmed", and he is already confused in his thoughts, ask him to argue his words.

Use witty, cocky and funny phrases when you are rude

The saddest thing is that for some reason most boors are not very susceptible to humor, and your witty and funny answers will most likely seem to such a person just absurdity. Nevertheless, you can try to laugh it off, especially if your skirmish has formed spectators. So, in response to the insult, you can answer:

“You are not too original, maybe it will turn out better next time.” “You are very attentive, valuable quality.” “A weak attempt, maybe rudeness is still not yours?” “I hope that you are just trying to look worse what you really are. "

To silence and humiliate an enemy, you should learn sarcasm.

It is quite difficult to neutralize a particularly aggressive interlocutor with pre-prepared phrases, therefore, in such cases, the ability to respond with sarcasm is highly valued. For example, if an opponent with a challenge asks: "What did you say ?!", you can parry: "Yes, you also have problems with hearing ...". Or if you are asked: "The smartest, or what?", You can answer: "You are surprisingly observant!".

How to respond to offensive words if they don't get it in an amicable way

When can force be used?

The use of force, of course, is only appropriate in a fairly rare cases, one might even say - exceptional. First of all, this is necessary when you are threatened with physical violence. Of course, if the opponent not only threatens, but also begins to put his threats into action, then in such a situation it is all the more impossible to give oneself offense. You can also use force when you see that physical suffering is inflicted on a weaker creature. This is how you can intercede for an animal, child, elderly person, or woman. Of course, in this situation it will be unwise to get involved in a scrape if you see that the rude person is clearly superior to you in physical parameters. Nevertheless, it will be correct to ask someone else for help or to intimidate the boor with the police.

Whether to use harsh obscene phrases and expressions

In very rare cases, this is really appropriate. As a rule, a cultured person who considers himself a worthy member of society prefers to ignore mate, not wanting to sink to the level of his opponent. Once Mikhail Zadornov advised his listeners not to enter into a dialogue with a person who sprinkles insults, arguing that this is as stupid as barking in response to a dog's barking.

Is it possible to culturally send a person without a mat to shut up?

In part, this is possible, although not without difficulty. For example, if a person begins to forget, and you understand that he is clearly meddling in his own business, you may notice: "Does it seem to me or does this really not concern you?" In addition, they will cool the ardor of the interlocutor, and such phrases:

"Your opinion is very valuable, but not in this situation"; "If I need your advice, I will seek you out"; "What makes you think that I am interested in your opinion?"

How to offend in return if you just got sick

For rudeness, you can humiliatingly call offensive words

Of course, one should turn to insulting and humiliating insults only in very rare cases - when the opponent does not know the measure in his statements, and pours out an uncontrollable stream of "dirty" words. If you have enough willpower, then in such cases, it is best to ignore the aggressive person - to pretend that his words are empty words for you. When the interlocutor says or shouts what he thinks, you can wearily summarize: “You are very tiring , isn't that why you have problems in your personal life? " Note that such a phrase sounds very sharp and insulting, so it should be used in the case of a notorious villain. Even if he is married, such words will hurt him, because such a brawler, most likely, is really not doing well on the personal front. An aggressive overweight boor can be told: "It would be better if I signed up for the gym!" We emphasize that it is better to avoid barbs about appearance as much as possible - such comments usually humiliate not only your foe, but also you. However, if you know that some aspect of appearance is a sore subject for the interlocutor, and he himself has already fully "rode" through your appearance, then with similar phrases you can "give change."

Troll verbally and put in place

Many people are seriously affected by various "prophecies" and curses. " If your foe behaves ugly, insulting you, having long gone over all the boundaries of what is permitted, then calmly say: "From this day on you will know what misfortune lies with you." Many people are suspicious, especially if they are emotionally unstable. Most likely, your phrase will haunt your interlocutor for a long time, and he will really begin to regret his own incontinence.

Answers for all occasions

A few examples of cool phrases that will bring you to tears (examples)

If you set out to bring to tears the person who offended you, then there are phrases that contribute to such a development of events. So, let's give examples of some of them:

I don’t know what you’re trying to prove, your primitive mind doesn’t allow you to express yourself more clearly? Your insults are so stupid that I’m not even offended. Probably, many are accustomed to feeling only a feeling of pity for you; I can imagine how the relatives are ashamed of you; So you are not only outwardly "not very". Of course, before trying to offend a person to tears, it makes sense to think - whether it is necessary to do this at all. It is possible that over time you yourself will regret taking such a step. As a rule, conscientious people are subsequently ashamed of such behavior and incontinence.

Funny insults for humiliation (examples)

Do you always have such a poor fantasy or today is a bad day? Probably, your parents just dreamed that you would one day run away from home. Do not stop talking, maybe this will get you to smart phrases. Probably, it is difficult for you to love nature, considering how it is. did you. If you tried to look even more stupid, I'm afraid that attempt would fail.

Afterword

This can be very difficult, but remember that later you will have a reason to rejoice in your prudence and foresight. First of all, it is important to realize that you do not need to take what your opponent tells you seriously. Most often, insulting someone, a person rarely resorts to logic and sound facts, because his only goal is to “hurt” as much as possible! just "got under the arm." If we are talking about the second option, then it is better to avoid the manifestation of any emotions. Mentally have pity on the offender, and abstract from this situation. Ignoring is a very useful skill in many unpleasant situations. It is important to understand that insults are usually resorted to by a weak-minded person who has serious problems in education. Especially, this understanding is appropriate when it comes to a person whom you are unlikely to see. Think carefully - is he worth it to inflame his energy on him or is it better to ignore this pathetic boor? Of course, some people believe that such behavior only plays into their hands, and they begin to get even more infuriated in their insults, then carefully look at the interlocutor and say: “By what right do you allow yourself such behavior in relation to to strangers, do you yourself understand how unworthy you look? ". Such a question may well "sober up" the opponent. Of course, if a person close to you unleashes a conflict, then ignoring is not always the right response. It is unlikely that the interlocutor just wanted to offend you from scratch. Most likely, this person is seriously worried about something, and it would be appropriate to talk about it directly. Just say, "Let's stop these nasty insults and try to fix the problem." Most likely, after that you will really be able to close the conflict, and your interlocutor will be grateful for your prudence.

Motivated by reason, not emotion, you will always be a winner

If you began to wonder how it is offensive to answer a person with obscenities or how to bring someone to tears with your insults, then you are clearly not on the right track. Be more judicious, do not succumb to someone else's emotional impact. If you yourself sink to such unworthy behavior, it can bring you a feeling of satisfaction for only a few seconds - then the situation will not develop so rosy. Most likely, resorting to rudeness towards another person (especially if he is close) then you will feel empty and depressed. As a rule, various verbal skirmishes bring satisfaction only to energy vampires - it is difficult to please other people with a conflict situation. Remember that people who have learned to control themselves, as a rule, always remain in a winning position. At the same time, those persons who easily start up "from a half-turn", thereby attract additional negative events and emotions. Not succumbing to emotions is very useful in many cases, and one of them is a quarrel with a higher management at work or simply with the person you depend on. Realize that the person arrives in frustrated feelings, and your retaliatory parries can further aggravate the situation. To avoid such a development of the situation, it makes sense to mentally distract from the conversation. That is, outwardly, you seem to listen to everything that your opponent expresses to you, but in reality your thoughts wander somewhere far away. You can recall pleasant events in life, think about the upcoming vacation, decide which dish would be appropriate to cook for dinner.

Think ahead about the consequences of your actions.

If you understand that partly you yourself provoked a stream of insults, although you did not deserve such unflattering words, then you should partly admit your guilt. For example: “You, of course, are right in your indignation, but the words can be chosen and softer.” Entering into a verbal skirmish with someone, remember that in the future this may turn into some problems for you. It's one thing when it comes to a person you are unlikely to meet on life path, and it is quite another matter when a skirmish happened with a loved one, friend, neighbor. Such a conflict can lead to a protracted war. Even if you make up almost immediately, the offensive words voiced can remain in your memory for a long time, and sooner or later they will still lead to a chill in the relationship. Therefore, in such cases, if you feel the slightest ability to restrain yourself, be sure to try to use it.
And why? Why did you take this insult personally? Do you feel guilty? Haven't learned to react to such psychological attacks?

You know the enemy by sight - it is easier to fight. Is it necessary? Or it is worth working out in yourself a certain tactic of reaction (or rather, NOT reacting) to insults. When a person deliberately wants to offend you - ask yourself a question - WHY?

Why is he doing this? Does he want to humiliate you in order to exalt himself? Then his act is compassionate. This is the only way a person can assert himself.

Or he wants to hit you for a quick, to piss off yourself. What for? Looks for a lightning rod in you, wants to drain his irritation somewhere.
Always think - why? And only after you understand the root cause and choose a model of your behavior. After all, we cannot be offended, we can only be offended. Themselves. This means that such a reaction is the result of his own choice.

Lev Tolstoy said: “It's all about thoughts. Thought is the beginning of everything. And thoughts can be controlled. And therefore the main thing for improvement is to work on thoughts. "

The main groups of abusers:

Losers. Their only way to assert themselves is to belittle the other person.
these are people who get pleasure, energetically "fed" through quarrels, scandals, including insults to other people. They feel good when others feel bad.
Aggressors: people who see everyone as an enemy. To protect themselves, they are the first to attack other people.
Ill-mannered people for whom the norm is communication in the language of insults.

If you immediately start reacting thoughtlessly after the insult inflicted, your abuser will celebrate victory. WHY?
Why give him such an opportunity! How do we respond to insults? A fool is a fool himself. Sound familiar?
When you see this from the outside, you understand that both are these most stupid people. One, due to the lack of upbringing and endurance, allowed himself this, and the second, tuned in to his destructive wave, accepted the terms of this "game". Both are worthy of compassion.

Sometimes we get insults so unexpectedly that we don't even have time to react positively. Painful words hurt, they enter the very heart with sharp needles. We do not have what to say at the first minute, but "after the fight" we come up with a plan of revenge.
Now stop and look at the situation as if from the outside. Stupid and funny. Wit on the stairs. What are we wasting our precious life on! A person has long forgotten about his attack, and you carefully and scrupulously grow the seeds of revenge in YOUR soul. And they are very systematically destroying you from the inside. WHY?

If, nevertheless, you understand that it is you who are the master of your thoughts, and not vice versa, stop and imagine the whole situation from space. Are you crying now? Are you offended? How would it look on a cosmic scale? Negligible and not worth your nerves. It even becomes funny - because of such a trifle so many experiences.
Have you calmed down? Now go to the window and carefully examine the smallest lines of an object outside the window. You turned your attention, breathed deeply and ... it became easier for you.

At first, it will be difficult to get rid of destructive thoughts, and the resentment will remind of itself from time to time.
STOP! Stop the flow of sad thoughts. Have some delicious lemon and honey tea. Listen to good music .. Watch a comedy. Play with your pets. Switch to a positive wave.

If the offender is an outsider, then you should not be provoked, indulge in mutual accusations and clarification of relations. The wisest step is to ignore.

It's harder to do it when your boss or coworker insults you. In this case, it is better to get away from the conflict. If this is your boss and you still have to communicate with him - here you will have to work out certain tactics of behavior.
Psychologists recommend first of all to understand what exactly in your work caused such a reaction, to isolate constructive criticism, where exactly you did not modify or made a mistake.

The next step is to protect your psyche from verbal "attack".
There is such a technique. It is called "aquarium". When the boss starts shouting and insulting with a half-turn, imagine him in the aquarium as a fish that opens its mouth, but the words are not heard. Such a protective carapace helps a lot to abstract. Words, like balls, bounce off without reaching the goal.

In general, as far as the boss is concerned, one must act carefully. In this case, before responding to the insult, you must imagine that you are facing a little capricious child. And your task is to calm him down, pat him on the head, take a sip and feed him with semolina. By placing yourself in such a situation, you can easily bear the attacks, meeting them calmly and with a smile. This will affect emotional state chief.

If you've watched the movie "The Matrix", then remember the moment when Neo stopped the bullets fired at him. Imagine that the rudeness thrown at you is bullets, and you are invulnerable, and all the rudeness does not reach you, falling to the floor with a clang.

If silence doesn't work, you can respond with a little taunt.

“A meek answer removes malice; hurtful words arouse anger. "
John Ruskin

A good reception, only it requires a certain tempering, endurance - to react politely to evil insults. Or, as a last resort, say calmly: "How rude and rude you are."
Sometimes it acts like a tub cold water on the offender. In any case, you get a pause and you can retreat from the battle with your head held high.

The most unfortunate, in my opinion, response technique is to shout all sorts of stupidity in response. Of course, in this way you become a twin brother and slide down to the level of this ill-mannered type. But sometimes it helps to relieve tension. Especially if you took it two octaves higher.

It helps much better reception of a splash of negative emotions into the water. Open the faucet and just shout everything that boils into the stream of water. How good it helps! Wash yourself with cool water and go get positive emotions... The conflict is over. You turned out to be smarter! Give yourself a five and try to draw healthy conclusions from this situation.

The man showed his true face. Can you remake it? Ungrateful work. Either you accept him as he is, or this is where you end your relationship. The choice is always yours! The main thing is not to stoop to the role of the victim.
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We all had to hear insults in our address and from the surprise we did not know how to react to them correctly. Began to be rude or cry from resentment. Below, a psychologist gives some tips on how to intelligently respond to an insult to an abuser. Provides an example of phrases that will help you get out of an unpleasant situation beautifully.

To begin with, let's talk about several types of correct reactions to an insult.

Calmness

PS. We remember that an insult is a negative, deliberate expression of an assessment of a person, which humiliates his honor and dignity. It can be applied verbally, in writing, and even by gesture. In this case, the object of the attack does not have to be personally present.
IN Russian Federation punishment is provided for this in accordance with Art. 5.61 of the Administrative Code.

Good afternoon, dear readers! Recently, a client of mine asked next question: what to do if you are insulted. We often encounter unpleasant people who behave inappropriately. But we cannot put our own head on them. Only the reaction and further communication depends on us. Today I want to talk about what a teenager should do if he constantly comes across insults, how to behave to spouses and what to do with a rude colleague.

As teenagers, we are confronted with ill-mannered classmates who believe that whoever is stronger is right. That you can easily offend a person, fight, humiliate and nothing will happen for it. And if they complain about him to the teacher, then he will begin to pester even more and will not let him live in peace at all.

People live by such principles not only at school. And in adulthood, we are faced with similar specimens. One of the most common examples occurs every day on the streets of all cities on our planet. Drivers only insult each other in this way. Someone cut, someone climbed out of line, almost collided. All this is accompanied by a huge amount of insults, backbiting, and sometimes even threats.

I'm already silent about social media... There is even a special term on the Internet for people who behave inappropriately - troll. Today everyone can be bold behind the screen, not be afraid of retaliation, write whatever comes into their head. There is no way to avoid this.

If on the Internet you can simply close the page, not answer, ignore, then in real life everything is much more complicated. The person who offends you is standing right in front of you. Here he screams, opens his mouth, from which humiliating phrases are pouring.

What should the child do in this case? Reply in kind? Give change? Complain to the teacher? Tell your parents?

Tense work environment

It happens that we are faced with a terrible boor at work. This person can be a colleague, boss, customer or executor. And how to behave in each of these situations? After all, you will not explain to your boss that he is a terrible disgusting person who does not know how to behave.

There is a chain of command in the office and it is considered unacceptable to express everything that you think to the boss in person. But if he constantly humiliates and insults you, then this also cannot be tolerated. You can try to talk, explain all your concerns, and try to find a way out together.

Also, you can try to avoid communication with this person. Keep your communication to a minimum or outsource work through a third party. Why do you need to deal with negativity again? After all, he stays with you and you bring him home. Is your married life worth it?

You have to work at work. Carry out all your duties, do not be distracted by a showdown, observe subordination, do not respond to rudeness and humiliation.

It is best to end the conversation with the person who is behaving this way. After all, they usually wait for your reaction, the intensity of passions, the continuation of the conflict.

You can get out of this situation as a winner if you just stop such communication in the future.

Family matters

Things are a little different at home. You can't just get up and leave.

There is a problem - the husband insults his wife. It must be solved. For a start, you can try to cope on your own. A calm and reasonable conversation is necessary. The couple sit down and together decide what to do with this problem.

Remember that in family life respect between spouses is very important. It is his absence that leads to similar problems, when the wife constantly humiliates her faithful, trying to offend him. Be sure to read the article "".

If you cannot cope on your own, then you always have the opportunity to seek help from a specialist. Family psychologists help to get to the real reason for such behavior of the spouses, suggest the necessary steps to change the situation and guide you in the right direction.

The family is our fortress. A place. Where we should feel safe. Our loved one should not cause negative emotions in us.

Of course, we all swear, we quarrel, but all this should not cross borders. Humiliation and insults are unacceptable in family life.

Is it possible to fight this?

A client of mine constantly talks about how his friends make fun of one of the guys. Sometimes the jokes are completely harmless and even cute, and sometimes the humor rolls into derogatory and offensive remarks.

Friends can and should talk about their feelings. If you are offended by their comments, be sure to point it out. Ask them not to bring up a topic that bothers you anymore, ask them for help if you do not know how to cope with the problem on your own. Remember that friends are there for support and understanding.

You should definitely not respond with rudeness to such behavior. You are an adult reasonable person and you understand that such a reaction is expected from you.

Insults are thrown in the case when the conversation has already lost all constructiveness and switched to a different channel. You can try to end the conversation, leave, ask to come back later, put down the phone.

Remember that such a person probably has a lot of internal problems. Happy man does not pour slop on others. He is friendly, sociable and calm. And when there are unresolved problems, then many consider it normal to dump all the garbage on others.

With this in mind, you will treat such people differently.

Be happy!

Ecology of life. Psychology: It is easy to get caught up in a vicious circle of punches and counterattacks when defending against insults. However, there are ways ...

Offensive words lie in wait for us every day - often when we are least ready for it:

on the road during rush hours, when the worst qualities appear in people;
in lines when we run out of patience;
at work and for festive table where people consider rudeness almost permissible.

Critical attacks are so varied that they defy classification. There are “light”, everyday injections (“well, finally!”), And those when the eyes darken from resentment (“I see that you are busy doing what you do best - you are eating again”).

Sometimes words betray just insensitivity. Gathering up the courage, the son told his mother that his wife had left him, and in response he heard: "It took her a long time to get ready."

It is believed that in a family we can hide from the world. In fact, relatives say to each other things that they would never say to a stranger, often adding to the excuse: "You know, I say this because I love you."

One woman recalls how one day, when she was 12 years old, she stood in front of a mirror and her mother suddenly said, “Don't worry, dear. If the nose grows still, it will be possible to have an operation. " Until that day, it had never occurred to the girl that she did not have a perfect nose.

Particularly "good" are veiled insults, which are called "constructive criticism", although they have nothing to do with it. They are easily recognizable by accompanying phrases such as "I hope I can speak frankly with you" or "I am telling you this for your own benefit." It turns out that you should almost admire the critic's frankness and appreciate his concern, while you hardly recover from the blow.

It is easy to find yourself in a vicious circle of punches and counterattacks when defending yourself against insults. Fortunately, there are ways to fend off an attacker without losing your dignity.

The next time you get criticized, try these tips.

1. Try to understand

The one who criticizes others is often filled with resentment himself. If you can't figure out what really bothers the person offending you, ask him about it. Remember, resentment is not always for you personally. Take a look at the situation from the outside and look for the reason.

The waitress is rude to you not because she did not like you in any way, but because her beloved just left her the day before. The driver "cutting off" you does not want to annoy you - he hurries to the sick child. Pass him ahead, support him.

Trying to understand those whose words hurt you, you will more easily bear the resentment.

2. Analyze what was said

In her book, The Subtle Art of Verbal Self-Defense, Suzette Hayden Elgin suggests decompose a comment that offended you and respond to an unspoken reproach without making yourself a victim... For example, hearing “if you loved me, you would lose weight”, you can answer like this: “How long ago did you decide that I don’t love you?”

3. Turn to face the abuser

Resisting insults is not easy. In particular, directness helps. Remove the negative charge, for example, by asking: "Why do you need to offend me?" or "Do you understand how such words can be perceived?"

You can also ask the person to clarify the meaning of the comment: "What do you mean?" or "I want to check if I understood you correctly?" As soon as your critic feels that his game is solved, he will leave you alone. After all, when you are caught red-handed, it is very embarrassing.

4. Use humor

My friend somehow had to hear: “This is your new skirt? In my opinion, chairs are upholstered with such fabric. " She was not taken aback and replied: "Well, sit on my lap."

The mother of my acquaintance has been zealous for the cleanliness of the house all her life. One day she found her daughter's cobweb and asked: "What is this?" "I am conducting a scientific experiment," retorted her daughter. The best weapon against offensive criticism is laughter. A witty answer will help you deal with almost any abuser.

5. Come up with a conventional sign

One woman told me that her husband certainly criticized her in public. Then she began to carry a small towel with her and whenever her husband said something hurtful to her, she covered her head with a towel. He was so ashamed that he got rid of his bad habit.

6. Don't mind

Agree with everything. If your wife says: "It seems to me that you put on ten kilograms, dear," answer: "Twelve, to be exact." If she doesn't back down: "Well, what are you going to do with the excess weight?" - try this: “Nothing, probably. I’ll just be a fat man for a while. ” An offensive remark is as strong as you empower it yourself. By agreeing with the criticism, you disarm the critic.

7. Ignore the injection

Listen to the comment, tell yourself that it is in the wrong place, and forget. Forgiving is one of the most important abilities that help us live and that we can develop in ourselves.

If you are not quite ready to forgive yet, make it clear to the speaker that their remark has been heard but there will be no response. The next time you get a jab, wipe an imaginary stain off your shirt. When the one who hurt you asks what you are doing, say: "It seemed to me that something hit me, but I was probably wrong."

When the abuser knows that you also know, he becomes much more careful. Or pretend you're not interested. Blink, yawn and turn away, as if to say, "Who cares?" People hate being considered boring.

8. Add 10 percent

You will never be able to completely shield yourself from offensive remarks. Try to perceive some of them as natural irritations that happen to everyone.

Most of us try not to offend others, but sometimes we make mistakes. So defend yourself when you deem it necessary, but Consider also the "10 percent rule":

In 10 percent of cases, it turns out that the thing you bought elsewhere is cheaper.
- in 10 percent of cases, the thing that you lent to someone is returned to you damaged.
- in 10 percent of cases even yours best friend can say something without thinking and then regret it.

In other words, make your skin thicker. It is usually easiest to assume that people are trying to do their best, and many simply do not realize how their behavior affects others.

Constantly defending, proving your case and controlling the situation is too expensive. Try to forgive and in return you will receive much less resentment and trouble than that proverbial 10 percent.

Also interesting:

When a person insulted Buddha, he said: "My son, if someone refuses to accept a gift, to whom does it belong?" “To the one who gives,” the person replied. “So,” the Buddha continued, “I refuse to accept your offensive words.

The world is full of people who humiliate others in order to assert themselves. Do not accept insults even when they are showered with them as gifts of love. By not paying attention to them, you will release tension, strengthen your relationships with others, and make your life more joyful. published