How to politely refuse so as not to offend a person? How to say a firm "no": advice from psychologists, examples of phrases. How to turn down an employer after an interview? The art of failure

I can't refuse. That is, of course, I try to say no politely, but I very rarely succeed. Usually, all my attempts to politely refuse and at the same time not hurt the person end either with an insult or with the phrase “well, I’ll see what can be done.” The most extreme case - it . I don't know if a lie is small, good or half true. This is an even more difficult question.

constantly deceive - not really good exit, which in the end will still lead to a conflict, since you will finally get confused and lie.

How to refuse your boss, who once again asks you to stay after work? How to say a firm “no” to your relatives so that they are not offended? How to let your friends know this moment can't you help them?

In fact, there are a lot of options, we just don't know about them.

Your offer sounds very tempting, but unfortunately I have too much to do right now.

With the phrase “this sounds very tempting”, you make it clear to the person that his offer is of interest to you. And the second part says that you would love to participate (or help), but at the moment you have too many urgent tasks.

A beautiful refusal, but from my own experience I can say that for close friends or relatives, it will do it once or twice, and even then not in a row. If you refuse them in this way for the third time, the fourth time no one will offer you anything. This is especially true for picnics and other recreational activities.

Remember, once or twice - and then either change your social circle (for some reason you constantly refuse them?), or finally go somewhere. Suddenly you like it?

But for people you don't see that often, this answer is perfect.

I'm sorry, but the last time I did this or that, I had a negative experience

Mental or emotional trauma - another interesting option. Only a sadist will continue to insist that a person do what he did not like. Or a complete optimist with the slogan “What if the second time will be better?!”.

Although with some grandmothers trying to feed their emaciated offspring, the answers “I don’t eat meat,” “I’m lactose intolerant,” or “I don’t like boiled vegetables” do not work.

But if you say that the last time after you drank milk, you could not be in society all day because of stomach problems, you might be saved. Grandma, of course, will look at you a little askance and with a slight reproach, but she will not pour it into a cup with the words: “Well, this is homemade, from Aunt Klava, nothing will come of him!”.

I'd love to, but...

One more good way refuse. You would love to help, but unfortunately you can't at the moment. Just don't go into lengthy explanations of why.

First, starting to explain something in detail, you gradually begin to feel. And secondly, in this way you give the person the opportunity to cling to something in your story and persuade you.

Just a short and clear answer. No essays on the topic "I would love to, but you understand, I need to do ...".

To be honest, I'm not very good at this. Why don't you ask N, he's a pro at this

This is by no means a translation of the arrows.

If you've been asked to do something or help with advice, and you don't feel competent enough, why not suggest someone who really understands it? So you will not only not offend a person, but also show that you care and you are trying to help in any way you can.

I can't do it, but I'll be happy to help with…

On the one hand, you refuse to do what they are trying to impose on you, on the other - still help and at the same time choose what you want to do.

You look great, but I don't quite get it

What to do if a friend bought a dress that, to put it mildly, does not really suit her. Here the dilemma "who is more friend" arises. - the one to tell the truth, or the one to say she looks great in all the outfits?! This applies not only to appearance, but also to the choice of an apartment, work and life partner, after all.

But who are we to talk freely about fashion? If we were, for example, well-known designers, then we could criticize and immediately offer several other options to choose from.

And if not? Then either say everything as it is, if you are sure of the adequacy of a girlfriend or friend, or transfer the arrows to some celebrity from the world.

It sounds great! But now, unfortunately, I have a very tight schedule. Let me call you...

This answer is great when the option is interesting, but right now you're really not in a position to help. So you not only do not offend the person, but also leave for yourself the opportunity to join the offer that interests you a little later.

Even at lectures on psychology at the university, we were taught that it is necessary to refuse, starting a sentence with the word “yes”, and then adding the notorious “but”.

It works, though not always. It all depends on the situation and the person. You won’t be able to play around for a long time and sooner or later you will have to explain why it’s still “no”.

But if you are diplomatic and firm enough, then over time people will know that if you refuse, it is not because you are just lazy or you do not want to have anything to do with them, but because you are very busy man and you can certainly, but a little later. In the end, people must learn to respect you and your opinion. As well as you - someone else's.

We all have times in our lives where we just need to say “no”. But for some reason, instead of refusing, we begin to wrinkle and pinch, and as a result, we say such a hated “OK, I’ll try.”

After this, endless worries and remorse begin, because it is often impossible to keep a promise, and you have to come up with more and more new excuses.

What's wrong

What happens to us at the moment when, during a conversation, the heart suddenly stops anxiously, and we do not dare to say a simple short word fearing to offend the interlocutor?

“The ability to say “no” is also a certain skill. If there are any problems, and a person cannot refuse, you need to figure it out and understand how this stopper arises, ”says Natalya Olentsova, image maker, head of the Academy of Successful Women.

Often we find ourselves in a situation where it seems that after the rejection they will think badly of us. Hence this self-doubt arises, the fear of seeming rude or unresponsive. But overcoming this problem is easy if you follow certain rules.

View from the outside

Let's try to look at the situation from the outside. Other people seem to find it easy to say “no” to us. It is to such interlocutors that you need to pay attention.

“Look how other people do it. They refuse you, explaining that it is inconvenient for them. But this does not mean at all that they do not want to help you, ”says Natalya Olentsova.

Imagination game

Let's play one simple game. Only now you need to imagine yourself in the place of a person who can easily refuse. Imagine that our character is fine with feeling dignity. How would he act in this situation? How would he say no? We boldly reproduce what we have just “heard”.

Secret words

It would also be nice to have our own imaginary dictionary of the very expressions that we are going to refuse. We often get emotional and can either overreact or reluctantly agree. There are clear language that allows you to refuse gracefully.

“I would love to help you, but I can’t. I already have my own plans and things to do. It sounds quite soft and dignified, ”the image maker gives an example.

without haste

We are not in a hurry to answer sharply “no” until we have listened to the interlocutor. You should always watch yourself and be able to take breaks.

“Do not blurt out something right away, but understand what you feel, what you want to do in response to a request,” Natalya advises, “then remember that very worthy woman and refuse with dignity.”

Confident persistence

If we nevertheless decided and were able to refuse, it is likely that we will have to repeat our “no” again. The interlocutor can do all sorts of tricks and come up with new ways to convince us that we should help him. But the second time, as a rule, it is already easier to refuse. The main thing is not to make excuses, but to repeat the secret words firmly and confidently.

Instruction

First, learn one truth: you do not have to make excuses for your refusal, even if we are talking about the rejection of a loved one. The more helplessly you make excuses, the more you risk ruining your relationship with the person. If you are so lamenting, then why are you refusing? Such a discrepancy is incomprehensible to the person whom you refused, and offends him more than the very fact of refusal. Give a reason only if it really exists and it is serious.

Sometimes the most honest option is to say a blunt no, but it's better to do it in a gentle way. For example: “no, I can’t do it”, “no, I prefer not to do it”, “no, I don’t have free time right now”. Perhaps the interlocutor will begin to provoke and persuade you, but you stand your ground, not getting involved in the discussion.

A softer form of refusal is to show participation and understanding to the problem of the interlocutor. If a person puts pressure on pity, you can calmly listen to him, sympathize and refuse. For example: “I understand that you are very tired, but I cannot fulfill your request”, “this is really serious problem, but I can’t solve it”, “I understand how hard it is for you, but I can’t help in this situation.”

There is one trick called delayed refusal. It is suitable for those people who do not know how to refuse at all. It is also good to buy time and think a little, weigh the pros and cons. You just need to ask the person for some time to think. This can be expressed something like this: “I don’t exactly remember all my plans for tomorrow”, “I want to consult with ...”, “I need to think”, “I can’t say right away.” If you are a reliable person, try to use this technique at all times.

There are situations in which you need to refuse partially. State your terms, what you agree to and what you don't. This happens when you really want to help in some way. specific situation but the man is asking for too much. You can answer: “I’m ready to help with… but not…”, “I won’t be able to come every day, but I can do it on Thursday and Saturday”, “I’ll give you a ride, but if you come on time”. If you do not agree to any of the conditions offered to you, but sincerely want to help the person, ask: “maybe I can help with something else?”.

Sometimes you really wish you could help, but you don't know how. In this case, try to look for options together with the person asking. It might actually be within your power to do something. You can also refuse and immediately offer help in finding a specialist who can definitely help in resolving this issue.

It doesn’t matter what gender you are, because the ability to politely refuse is extremely important in all types of relationships. Exists various ways make this task easier while maintaining peace of mind. Learn to ask for time to think, avoid confrontation whenever possible, and be as honest as possible.

Steps

Rejections in everyday life

Why is it so hard to say no. We are all still early age recognized the fact that consent is easier to give and helps to gain approval. This develops into a deep need to always indulge parents, which is associated with love and fear of renunciation. We may also fear separation and loss of our spouses or loved ones. If a friend's request is denied, there may be a quarrel or the risk of hurting feelings. At work, rejection can make you look like an unfriendly colleague or hinder your career advancement.

In theory, consent is great, but in practice, we can say “Yes” so many times that then we can’t cope with the responsibility we have taken on.

Why is it so important to be able to say no? Learning to politely say no is a good way to set and maintain healthy boundaries. If you pride yourself on caring and sacrificing yourself for others, then rejection will make you feel uncomfortable. You may find yourself agreeing too often and becoming irritated or tired as you take on too much.

Time for reflection. Experts agree that the time to think before giving up is extremely important. When thinking about how to decline an invitation or request, remember that you are not required to respond immediately. Buy some time to avoid resentment or hurt feelings. loved one. But do not drag the rubber too long, as making a person wait longer than expected is also ugly. It is important to avoid situations where you immediately give a positive answer and then change your mind. This behavior will undermine your credibility.
- For example, your mother asks you in February: “Are you coming to us for the holidays this year?”. You can answer like this: “I haven’t even thought about it yet. I don't know yet how things will go at work. Let's discuss this closer to September?".
Stick to principles. If you are asked to do something contrary to your principles, then it is best to refuse in a way that avoids open confrontation. Ask for time, saying that you need to think it over carefully. Think twice before agreeing to something that goes against your ideas.

Try not to say "no". Don't say "Yes," but understand that you don't have to say the word to say no. Instead, talk about your concerns and the reasons for the rejection.
- For example, if your boss asks you to take on another case, you don't need to say that you are already full to capacity. Answer differently: “I am currently working on case X, which needs to be completed by next week, and the deadline for case Y is next month. How much time can you give me to complete this project?
Be honest. Sometimes one is tempted to lie or make up a fable to justify one's refusal. But in this way you will only undermine your credibility and destroy personal or work relationships, because sooner or later the truth will come out anyway. Politeness is impossible without honesty.
- For example, when refusing to accept an invitation, you could say something like, “This is a great opportunity/project for someone else, but it doesn't suit me. I wish you a good time / find a more suitable person.
Stand your ground. It may be difficult for you to repeat your refusal several times if the person constantly begs you to do something. Perhaps people are already used to you always agreeing, so they may just be testing the limits of your consent. Stand your ground and confidently repeat your refusal.
- You can immediately refuse and explain your refusal: “I know that you really want to meet this weekend, but I already have plans that cannot be changed.” If the person continues to bother you, then answer him briefly but firmly.
Refusal of specific requests
1. Refusal to borrow money. Lending money to friends can put friendship at risk. If your friend takes a long time to return, then you may be hesitant to remind about it, and the person may consider that it was a gift, not a favor. If you think that your friendship or wallet will not withstand the non-return of money, then try to refuse a friend as politely as possible. At the same time, try to be as honest as possible.
  - For example, you could say something like, “I know you're having a hard time with your finances right now. Our friendship is very dear to me, but friends and borrowing money are incompatible. Maybe I can help you in some other way? or “I don’t have free money right now. I would be happy to help, but I have nothing.”
2. Refusal of a request for a donation. If you know you won't be able to meet the request, then state its importance, refuse and offer another option for help. For example: “This is a good thing, but right now I just have nothing to give. This month I have already exhausted all available funds. You can try X or remind me about it next month.”
3. Refusal of the child's request. Children usually do not like very much when they are not allowed to do something. If a child asks for something that you are not going to buy or allow him, then firmly refuse him and immediately explain the reasons for your refusal. It is very important that the child understands your reasons, and then offer him an alternative.
  - For example, you might say, “No, I don't let you stay overnight at a friend's house on a weekday. The next day you will be sleepy and tired during the lessons. I know you're upset, but you can always stay at your friend's on the day off."
4. Refusal at a big request. You don't have to say yes if you've been asked a very large request. In the end, a person may simply not imagine how tired you are at work right now. You have the right to refuse even a personal request. A good friend will always understand you and will not consider rejection as a personal insult.
  - For example, say, "I'm sorry I can't babysit your baby this week, but I have a deadline for a project at work, and my homework has piled up." Be clear and honest. Do not lie, otherwise you will definitely offend your girlfriend and ruin your relationship.
5. Rejection of a date. Speak directly and bluntly so that the meaning of your words reaches the person. The case concerns romantic relationship, ambiguity can be taken as a chance or a false hope, and this is best avoided. It is better to immediately say politely, but directly: “You good friend/ great guy, but I can't give you more" or "We're too different."
  - If you do go on a date and are invited to the next one, then say politely but honestly: “We had a great time, but I don’t think we are right for each other.”
  - Do not continue the conversation for a long time after the refusal. It's probably best for both of you not to see each other for a while.
6. Refusal to have sex. If your boyfriend insists that it's time for you to move on to intimacy, and you are not yet ready for this, then refuse directly: "No." If you see fit, you can explain the reasons for your refusal: the likelihood of getting pregnant, your moral principles, or the fact that you are simply not ready yet. It is important to explain that this is your personal decision and is in no way dictated by the appearance of your partner.
  - You should not expect that your partner will immediately enter into a position and stop trying. Speak very clearly.

Every woman is faced with a situation where it is necessary to tactfully refuse, and sometimes say a firm “no”. In cases where a representative of the weaker sex is subjected to the onslaught of a man unpleasant to her, her firmness, a confident tone, after which there will be no objections, is required here. But any response should be as tactful as possible. Take advantage of our practical advice who will teach you to refuse without possible serious consequences.

1. When refusing a man, remain as friendly and tactful as possible. Turning away from another person, you hurt his pride. Therefore, it is important to know how to refuse a man so as not to offend.

2. Decisiveness and a firm position. Do not commit violence against yourself, do not be in the company of a person who is unpleasant to you or does not cause anything but indifference. Women often go against their will for the sake of decency. Most often, such situations arise during the first communication, after meeting on the Internet. If you don't like the person, just say that you need to leave.

3. Never give false hope. You can’t use phrases like: “let’s do it next time”, “I need to think”, “I’m not succeeding yet”. It is important to know that when you delay the denouement that is inevitable, you only create problems. It is necessary to put an irrevocable point and not allow the situation to develop.

4. The reason for refusal must always be stated. The fan has the right to hear explanations. Here you can turn to your imagination. Come up with a reason that rings true. You can’t say offensive phrases, and even more so walk in appearance. Say that you already have a boyfriend or you are confused about yourself. Don't know how to say no to a man? Just say that you needed a moment of easy communication and thank him. After all, you are a woman and sometimes you are allowed to look not quite serious.

5. How to politely refuse to communicate with a man? Just joke with him, chat as before, but throw in a loyal half-joking phrase, like: “only nerds are my type.” Thus, an annoying man will not have resentment in your direction.

6. Don't rant. Refuse briefly, succinctly, so that there are no additional questions. If the man continues to attack, then your “no” was not ironclad. Many women flirt with men and are then surprised by the increased attention they receive.

7. If you have done everything according to the rules, but the annoying admirer has not stopped attacking you, ignore him, do not pay any attention to the person at all. Or even ask a friend to play the role of your boyfriend. Post photos on social networks, etc. After all, admirers of women are often quite dangerous.

8. With a person who does not stop seeking you, and you have already tried all the options for refusal, you can try to go on a date. But stay an actress for one evening. Put on a not very attractive outfit, give up your hair, start a conversation during dinner about illness, the coming end of the world and speak in the most mournful voice. An annoying admirer, you will not see after that!

Now you know how to politely refuse a man and get rid of annoying admirers! You will only want to resort to these tricks if there really is no more rest from the admirer. Watch your manner of behavior and you will never encounter such a problem. Unless, of course, you are a showbiz star!