How to distinguish a bad character from a good one. Woman manipulation "I have a bad temper"

The article explains what is bad character, described bad traits character and neurotic needs of the individual

Hello,

dear readers and guests my blog!

While preparing an article on the topic " ”, which is a continuation of the article about, I decided to publish a note about the character of a person.

You probably often hear this expression: “He (she) has a very bad temper!”.

This is a common diagnosis in household psychology.

It is usually used when assessing a person's behavior and his relationship with other people.

And if it does not comply with generally accepted standards and brings inconvenience and suffering to others, then this verbal cliché is used.

IN Lately another cliche began to spread - "toxic person".

This is the one from which others gain negative emotions.

Who is this

toxic person

Or a person with a bad temper?

As a rule, it is an aggressive, domineering, stubborn, intractable, bickering, criticizing person.

But it is clear that the phrase bad character reflects not only these qualities.

There are other bad character traits and needs that determine the inappropriate and toxic behavior and thinking of a person, but often hidden even from the professional view of a psychologist.

In this article, we will talk about these hidden needs and traits and find out how they affect the behavior of their owner and the people around him.

This article is a direct continuation of such publications as:

The fact is that a person with a bad character, as a rule, has certain neurotic traits and inclinations.

He is the owner of non-plastic (rigid) behavior, he often clashes with others, and cannot get along with them.

Like he can't get along with himself.

He is stubborn and demanding, and often the level of his personal and social development is much lower than that given to him by nature. For example, such a person can.

All these are the classic symptoms of neurosis in adults with a bad character.

And now let's look at the 8 most common signs (inclinations or needs) of a bad or neurotic nature.

In doing so, I will rely on the concept of neurosis by the American psychoanalyst Karen Horney.

Bad character

and what makes it so?

First, a very important digression 〈 !!! 〉

Pay attention to the well-known joke-saying of psychologists: “If you want to see a neurotic, look in the mirror”

She says that certain neurotic traits, inclinations and needs can be found in any person without exception.

This also applies to the dark signs of a bad character listed below. Almost all of us have them.

But! The point is not in their very presence, but in their strength and level of development.

A need, a trait, an inclination becomes neurotic; painful and begins to interfere with the life of a person and others if it is overdeveloped, if its strength exceeds the average level of normality, if it begins to control a person’s behavior and thinking.

In all other cases, if it is not noticeable or manifests itself very rarely, then it is not possible to say about a person that he has an unbearable character.

So, …

1. The need for a strong and responsible friend or partner

Such a person wants someone to take responsibility for his life and for most of his key life decisions.

It could be a friend, husband, wife or parents.

He wants such a person to act as a Helper for him. And he will, receiving certain dividends from this.

For example: managing life, solving household and any other problems, finding a job, making money, etc.

At the same time, the owner-victim skillfully manipulates his assistant, gradually becoming the pursuer himself.

Example: sofa man.

As soon as the wife gathers the courage to throw off the burden of the Savior-Helper and stop supporting and pleasing him, he either begins to get sick and suffer, causing pity for himself.

Or, harassing her with physical and emotional abuse.

But he cannot live without her, and neither can she without him. As a rule, there is someone third (child, mother-in-law, mother-in-law, etc.).

Together they create and grow into his neurotic structure.

2. The need for power over others

Basically, this is expressed in the need to constantly control everyone.

In an effort to subordinate people and life events to their will and reason. Such a person is afraid of everything that he cannot check and control, even if such control is imaginary and far-fetched.

He does not tolerate the state of uncertainty. He is devoid of spontaneity and plasticity of behavior.

Such people often bow to authority, power and strong people. At the same time, they despise the weak and dependent.

They seek to gain superiority over others in order to effectively manipulate them.

If the need for power of such a person is not satisfied, he feels very bad.

He is oppressed by anxiety and a sense of uncertainty. He becomes nervous and irritable.

Dealing with him is always difficult, and sometimes just dangerous - you can lose.

3. The need to exploit others, using them for your own purposes

Such a person treats others as a means of satisfying his personal interests and.

At the same time, he does not think about the problems of others, and even takes offense if the other person does not want to help him and indulge his whims.

This is the one about whom they often say: "He just used me."

He is an excellent manipulator, easily makes others dependent on himself, but he himself often depends on someone.

Collective portrait

person with severe

character

As you understand, this is difficult to create, since there are a lot of different signs and manifestations of a bad character, often excluding each other.

Nevertheless, the following general proposition can be formulated.

It's awkward and uncomfortable with him. In a relationship with him, tension and anxiety are always felt.

He doesn't love others. Treats others either condescendingly or with subservience.

It is very difficult to negotiate with him, he either often and unreasonably changes his mind and plans, or adheres to them with reinforced concrete stubbornness.

Most often, after close and more or less prolonged communication with such a person, you feel tired and overwhelmed, or overwhelmed and filled with negative emotions.

Based on this generalized portrait, three types of people can be distinguished.

Types of people

with a bad temper

Aggressive type :

Traits: hostility, conflict, aggressiveness, excessive demands

He is conflicted. Strives to control and subjugate everything. He is straightforward, he believes that he is always right and the world should exist according to his rules. Aims at achievement and success, which he values only if they bring him power and control.

Operating type :

Features: obsession, criticism, suppression,

Everyone owes him, everyone should indulge his desires and needs. He manipulates others for his own gain.

In contrast to the aggressive type, it is more plastic in behavior. Exploits the weaknesses of others and exploits them effectively.

In relationships, he constantly weaves intrigues and plays on contradictions.

avoidant type :

Traits: secrecy, mistrust, avoidance

He prefers to communicate at a distance, does not let him close. Very suspicious and distrustful. Always expecting attack and deceit.

It's hard to rely on him because you never know what's on his mind. In addition, it aggressively defends itself if you get too close to it.

The signs of all three types can be intertwined, so there is no pure type of person with a bad character.

The trait that unites all three types is narcissism, when a person does not love others, but adores himself.

Karen Horney called this phenomenon neurotic pretension.

This is when a person wants to communicate with him only in accordance with his majestic ideas about himself. This is done in order to protect the idealized (artificial) image of oneself and from the blows of reality.

Well, this is where I end my article, where I tried to answer the questions: “What is a bad character? and what are bad character traits?

At the same time, we have determined that some overly active and strong inclinations and needs of a person should be perceived as symptoms of neurosis in adults.

In conclusion, it is important to note that a person with a severe toxic temperament is not born on his own. He is the result of a special type of upbringing, and the emotional atmosphere that surrounded him in childhood.

A bad character makes being in the company of a person uncomfortable, uncomfortable. There is anxiety and tension around him. He does not like people, he treats them arrogantly, obsequiously. Almost never compromises, can change his mind, behavior, decision without any reason. Stubborn, likes to dominate, while not taking responsibility. After communicating with such a person, fatigue and inner emptiness are felt. There are other signs by which you can recognize people with a complex disposition.

Causes of bad character

Each of the following needs is not bad in itself. But in an exaggerated form, it leaves a negative imprint on the character.

The need to have a strong partner by your side

A person refuses to take responsibility, seeks to shift it onto other people's shoulders. To do this, he chooses a husband, wife, parents, colleagues, friends. At first, the "assistant" may not understand that he is being used, while he will support, help, take responsibility, a manipulator with a bad character will try on the role of a victim. This will be expressed in the following scenarios:

I can't find a job, that's why I'm not looking;
everyone around me does not understand, therefore I will conflict with everyone;
I don't know how to cook (clean, earn money, etc.), so do it for me.

The need to dominate others

It is expressed in the need to dominate everyone, to control other people's actions. A person seeks to subjugate not only people, but also situations, therefore he always strives to take everything into his own hands. He will do everything himself, because he does not trust others, he will double-check everything. Afraid of everything he can't control. Uncertainty is his biggest discomfort. Spontaneity is not inherent in him. He has contempt for weak people.

The need to use and manipulate others

A person with a difficult character may perceive others as a means to achieve their own goals. He is not interested in the problems of the rest, if he is denied help or does not agree with him, he perceives this with hostility, sometimes he sincerely does not understand why they refuse to indulge him. He has the art of manipulation. In case of non-receipt of benefits, considers the time spent with the person wasted.

The need for constant approval

A person needs to be approved of his actions, it is important for him to please everyone. If someone remains dissatisfied with him, he will feel embarrassed. Praise is more important than benefits. A person can act to his own detriment just to hear in his address pleasant words. He plays the role of a savior, he is often manipulated, but he refuses to admit it, believing that he is needed and he is doing a good deed. But if praise does not come, first the person turns into a victim, starting to feel sorry for himself, and then into an accuser, making claims.

The reason for this behavior lies in low self-esteem. From hostility in their parties can become depressed. They tend to suppress feelings, often live as others want, without understanding their own desires.

Need for self-admiration, narcissism

Such people do not like anyone but themselves. A certain fictional image is created in their head, according to which they are ideal. These people are narcissistic, they wear a mask, behind which there is nothing significant. Self esteem is high. Narcissists admire themselves and constantly exalt their actions, like to brag, exaggerate their importance. They are egocentric, the world should revolve around them, if you do not agree with them, you can immediately fall into the category of enemies.

The need to be the best

Man is constantly striving to be better than the rest. He tries to be perfect in everything from small things to big things. This is the image of the headman, who studies the best, tries to please all the teachers to be praised, and at the same time belittles the merits of others in order to look brighter against their background. Often we are talking not about real achievements, but about fictional or exaggerated ones.

The biggest fear is failure. Even the smallest loss is perceived painfully. Most often, such people are workaholics, using work to polish their perfection. They absolutely do not perceive criticism, it unsettles them. Vindictiveness awakens in them, a desire to humiliate others, just to regain leadership.

Need for prestige

Such people are dependent on how they look in the eyes of others. They strive to look successful, this is not always true. They have snobbery. They are brand fans, such people will spend their last money on new model iPhone and at the same time will eat doshirak. They communicate only with the “chosen ones”, whom they consider significant for emphasizing their status. To interlocutors whose status is lower than them, they are treated with high. They often suffer from self-mania, are addicted to social networks.

The need to be "invisible"

These people avoid life, are content with little. Any change for them is associated with leaving the comfort zone. They don't believe they can improve anything in their lives. Self-doubt is so developed that a person cannot even admit that he has the resources for development, but he is simply afraid to fulfill his desires. On the one hand, they are calm with them, they do not stick out their "I". But such a person will not go out into society, he will slow down the development of a friend or soulmate, stubbornly refuses any innovations and it is difficult to convince him.

Types of personalities with a difficult character

Bad character can be divided into several types.

Aggressive

Main features:

hostile attitude;
prone to conflict;
manifestation of aggression;
increased demands.

A person who stirs up conflict. Tries to control everything around. He says everything directly, he believes that his rightness should be recognized by all. He sees the goal and sees no obstacles, ready to go over the heads if necessary. Control and power are what he values more than anything else.

Operating

Main features:

obsession;
constant criticism;
the desire to suppress others.

It is believed that everyone should indulge him. His needs and desires are higher than others. He openly manipulates people, benefiting from acquaintances, communication. They differ from the aggressive type in that they are more plastic, think flexibly, play on other people's weaknesses. An intriguer, likes to keep quiet, to keep in the dark, uncertainty always turns in his favor.

Avoiding

Main features:

avoids everything from responsibility to conflict;
secretive;
doesn't trust anyone.

A person lives in a shell, does not let anyone near him, keeps a distance in communication. He is always suspicious, does not even trust close people, expects a dirty trick from everything and everyone. Sometimes cynical and aggressive, especially if someone tries to cross his personal boundaries. It is difficult to rely on him, since it is impossible to say what is on the mind of such a person.

In its pure form, types are extremely rare, because various bad traits can appear in people. The concept of bad character is also subjective. For example, if a person does not act as another would like, his temper can be called complex. It must be understood that character becomes complex as a result of upbringing or accumulated experience.

Studying the personality of a person, whether it be a woman, a man or a child, one can always reveal a bad inclination to unseemly behavior due, for example, to mistakes in education, psychological trauma. But even bad heredity can be secured. Consider the main negative traits of human character.

Authoritarianism

The desire to dominate everything, ignoring any needs of other people. An explicit or implicit demand for submission and discipline from everyone with whom a person intersects. Someone else's opinion is not taken into account, any disobedience is suppressed without an attempt to find mutually profitable solution. It is believed that this is a typical negative trait of the Russian character.

Aggressiveness

The desire to conflict with others. In early childhood, this is an obligatory negative character trait of a child who is learning ways to protect his interests. For an aggressive adult, provocative, sometimes deliberately false statements, increased tone, and insults are typical. Sometimes attempts are made to influence the opponent physically.

gambling

A painful desire to achieve the goal, regardless of the size of the risks, ignoring one's own and others' logical arguments about the excess of spending over the value of the desired result. Often causes situations leading to lethal outcome, loss of health or significant financial loss.

Greed

Pathological desire for personal material gain in any situation. Gaining profit at any cost becomes the only source positive emotions in life. At the same time, the duration of pleasant sensations from the benefits received is extremely short-lived - due to the uncontrolled constant desire to enrich oneself even more.

apathy

The absence of an emotional reaction to most external stimuli due to a particular temperament or due to the body's defensive reaction to stress. It is one of the reasons for the impossibility of achieving even simple goals due to the inability or unwillingness to concentrate, to make strong-willed efforts.

carelessness

Careless fulfillment of obligations due to unwillingness to act according to the rules already known to all or misunderstanding of the algorithms necessary for the quick and least costly achievement of existing goals. Often this is a typical negative character trait of a woman who has just escaped from excessive parental care.

Indifference

Real or deliberately demonstrated lack of interest in a particular subject, object, event, duties due to innate emotional coldness, experienced severe stress or, instilled from infancy, a sense of superiority over people with a different social status, different faith, nationality, race.

Irresponsibility

Consciously chosen, imposed during upbringing or due to moral immaturity, the position of refusal from a real awareness of the consequences of one's own actions, unwillingness to make decisions that affect one's own and others' quality of life. In difficult everyday situations active actions are not carried out due to the expectation that the problem will resolve itself.

Facelessness

The absence of individual traits, because of which an individual subject is easily “lost” in the general mass of people like him. In the process of communication, the “gray man” does not arouse sympathy because of his obsession with uninteresting topics, in the team he is uninitiative, boring, afraid of innovations and opposes them in every possible way.

Ruthlessness

Emotional indifference to other people's troubles, inability or unwillingness to sympathize, sympathize with people in particular and living beings in general, experiencing physical or emotional pain. Sometimes it is deliberate inhumanity in actions that cause suffering and even death of the objects chosen as victims.

impudence

Intentional or unconscious violation of the norms, the sequence of actions adopted in a given society in relation to some specific situation. The reason for intentional swagger may be the desire to provoke a conflict or draw attention to one's own person, unconscious - errors in education, emotional immaturity.

talkativeness

A painful need to constantly participate in a dialogue with one or more interlocutors, regardless of the content of the conversation, the degree of enthusiasm for it by other participants, the relevance of the conversation. The main goal of such an interlocutor is not to receive new information and the role of the narrator when contacting someone. At the same time, he can disseminate information that others would prefer to keep secret.

Windiness

The inability to keep any promises and take into account the interests of others, the lack of the ability to move for a long time in order to achieve one goal, the desire for a constant change in the circle of friends, partners. The absence of principles and clear behavioral boundaries, the rapid fading of interest in a particular occupation, a person.

lust for power

Passionate desire for control over all and the expectation of unquestioning obedience, the desire for unlimited power, especially over the more educated and skillful. Intoxication with one's own superior position in situations where others are forced to seek help or seek protection, material support.

Suggestibility

In a pathological form, this is a subconscious tendency to perceive behavior imposed from outside without one's own conscious understanding and weighing the results of one's actions performed under the influence of someone else's authority. However, reduced suggestibility can cause learning difficulties.

Vulgarity

The inability to find a balance between originality and vulgarity in communication, when choosing clothes, social guidelines, and so on. For example, during a dialogue, the interlocutor communicates in raised tones, mannerisms, and does not disdain greasy jokes. When choosing an outfit, he prefers catchy things, and constituent elements often do not match well with each other.

stupidity

The inability or unwillingness to determine logically correct conclusions even from the simplest everyday problems, the tendency to see a healthy grain in pseudoscientific and populist statements, the inability to subject information from sources that are independently elevated to the status of authoritative ones to a reasonable critical analysis.

Pride

Confidence in the social, moral, mental insignificance of others, the inability to forgive for personal and other people's mistakes, the denial of the possibility of having worthy features in other subjects of society. It develops against the background of distortions made in education, degradation of the personality due to illness, immaturity of the personality, coupled with a high social status.

Coarseness

Unwillingness to adhere to a polite, accepted in a normal society format of communication with interlocutors due to personality deformation due to illness, injury, stress, or the frequent need to take a defensive position when encroaching on territory and rights. Typical manifestations: communication in raised tones, rudeness, obscene language.

Greed, avarice

The desire to minimize costs even to the detriment of health, basic hygiene and common sense. The pathological pursuit of material stability can manifest itself in the form of a refusal to get rid of garbage, rubbish, ignoring reasonable requests loved one about purchasing essentials.

Cruelty

The desire to cause discomfort to living subjects for the sake of personal moral satisfaction. The impact on the victim can be both intangible - in the form of insults and refusal to satisfy some important emotional needs, and physical - through causing pain, torment, encroachment on life.

Forgetfulness

The inability to remember some data necessary in everyday life, a combination of actions to achieve a specific goal, an algorithm for starting or turning off the device. It occurs due to age-related changes in the brain, information overload. May be a consequence stressful situation that you want to forget.

Addiction

The desire to enjoy the performance of actions or the use of a certain substance, even if the source of pleasant emotions is harmful to health, relationships with others, leads to large amounts of money, pushes to a crime because of the desire to achieve a "high", in the absence of legal access to it.

Envy

Inability to enjoy any personal benefits, achievements, qualities. The tendency to constantly compare the values of oneself and others. Moreover, the “crumbs” on the other side always seem larger, tastier and more desirable than their own “placers”. In a pathological form, it deprives of cheerfulness, the ability to soberly assess one's own and other people's merits.

Complexity

Constant belittling in one's own eyes of one's own natural talents, trained abilities, denial of the value of personal developments, inability to force oneself to declare personal achievements in a circle of authoritative persons. Formed due to overly strict upbringing, psychological trauma or illness nervous system.

boredom

The habit of teaching everyone and everywhere, repeatedly discussing the same topic, despite the obvious lack of interest in it among people who are trying to be drawn into a dialogue. The reason lies in the pathological love of attention and endless conversations on any topic, even if the instigator of the conversation is a complete layman in the topic under discussion.

Anger

An emotional manifestation of strong dissatisfaction with something, a landmark indicating the presence of conditions that are clearly uncomfortable for a person. In the absence of actions that eliminate the cause of the formation of feelings, over time it can push to commit an offense, so you should not ignore the manifestations of anger.

pampered

It is a bad habit to demand the fulfillment of one's desire as soon as possible, without taking into account the capabilities of the one to whom the claim is made. The refusal to control and restrain one's own needs, to endure the slightest inconvenience, and to personally make emotional and physical efforts to achieve what one wants.

Laziness

Lack of desire to strain for personal needs, a tendency to idle pastime all day long. In behavior, there is a desire to obtain comfort at the expense of the work of others, a deep aversion to useful activity, even in minimal volumes. When applying for a job, this negative character trait for a resume should not be indicated.

deceitfulness

Conscious systematic statement of false information to interlocutors for slanderous purposes, for their own benefit or masking personal mistakes in some activity. The pathological form is inherent in self-doubt individuals who try to impress others with fictional stories about themselves.

Hypocrisy

Feigned assurances of love, sincere admiration and goodwill towards the interlocutor during a conversation with him. The purpose of such behavior is fawning and the desire to flatter for one's own benefit, while hiding the true, perhaps even malicious, moods towards the participant in the dialogue or the object of the conversation.

Flattery

The tendency to excessive constant praise aloud of other people's real and imaginary virtues, virtues, for the sake of their own self-interest. The object of exaltation can also be obviously negative actions, the actions of an influential person, specially whitewashed by a flatterer and voiced by him as the only right decision in the situation under consideration.

Curiosity

In a pathological form, this is the desire to find out information of interest, regardless of decency, personal feelings of the interrogated and the situation of the situation in which communication takes place. The cause of unhealthy curiosity is a painful desire to be aware of even those events that are not related to the person showing interest.

Pettiness

The habit of giving great value their insignificant statements and actions. Widespread sticking out of their imaginary achievements, as opposed to really important and heroic deeds surrounding people. Attention to mediocre details at the expense of values, the desire for reporting on household expenses up to "one thousandth".

revenge

The tendency to focus personal attention on all minor and major troubles, worldly conflicts, far-fetched grievances, so that over time, it is imperative to pay handsomely to each of the offenders. At the same time, the duration of the time period from the moment of receiving a real or imaginary insult does not matter.

Impudence

Unceremonious behavior in any situations, the desire to achieve what you want with minimal cost and "over the heads" of others. Such behavior is formed due to improper upbringing, because of a difficult childhood, or, conversely, because of spoiledness, which has consolidated the habit of always getting what you want at any cost.

Arrogance

The perception of the majority of others as subjects of a deliberately lower category due to a fictitious difference in social status or a real difference in material, national, racial or other grounds. The reason may be a defensive reaction to the wounding of pride in the past or distortions in education.

Annoyance

Inability or unwillingness to independently deal with emerging problems, have fun or relax. The reason may lie in emotional immaturity, fear of loneliness, the desire to increase self-esteem through active participation in the lives of other people, even if they experience obvious discomfort from this and openly declare it.

narcissism

Unreasonable and unreasonable self-praise, narcissism under any circumstances, the desire to embellish the results of one's actions and the actions taken themselves, selfishness, indifference not only to strangers, but also to close people, only interested in personal comfort and benefit.

Negligence

Unwillingness to qualitatively fulfill the obligations taken or assigned, neglect in behavior with people in domestic or professional relations, insufficient attention to entrusted values, inability - due to poor education or personal deformation, to understand the importance of diligence when working on something.

Touchiness

An increased negative reaction to everyday troubles due to hypertrophied egoism. It is because of him that you want the world to spin at your feet, and those around you, forgetting about your own needs, meet your expectations around the clock and all year round: they are polite, generous and caring, striving to provide someone else's comfort.

Limitation

Confidence that the true picture of the world is available only to you, and other explanations of the structure of the universe and the principles of interaction between man and environment- a complete invention of narrow-minded dorks. It arises due to insufficient education, a congenital developmental defect that prevents adequate assimilation of educational information.

Alarmism

The tendency to accept as reality the imaginary catastrophic consequences of any, even minor incidents in one's own life and the world as a whole. It is a manifestation of a bad upbringing by a reinsurer, an overly violent fantasy or a disorder of the nervous system due to stress, illness.

vulgarity

A penchant for frilly outfits, demonstrating real or ostentatious material security through the acquisition of unnecessary luxury items. Or, and sometimes both, passion for sebaceous jokes, obscene anecdotes, often voiced in an absolutely inappropriate environment for the sake of causing a feeling of embarrassment in the majority of listeners.

Irritability

A negative reaction to an irritant, expressed in an excessive manifestation of emotions, the saturation of which does not correspond to the strength of the impact of an unpleasant factor for some reason. The cause of irritability can be external or internal, caused by congestion of the nervous system or exhaustion of the body by a disease.

extravagance

The inability to rationally spend income, including the desire to systematically or constantly make acquisitions for the sake of the process itself, and not for the purpose of exploiting the purchased item or thing. It is based on the desire to feel like a "master of the world", to correspond to the status of a financially secure person.

Jealousy

Showing dissatisfaction or distrust of the subject, which has a certain value for the jealous. It is expressed as a suspicion of infidelity or a greater emotional predisposition to another person (in the place of the accused there may be not only a spouse, but also a mother, sister, friend - the list can be endless).

Samoyedism

The habit of justifiably and unreasonably accusing oneself of a multitude of sins of various magnitudes. For example, in insufficient attention to the performance of duties, although in reality at work or in relationships a person gives all the best. Possible reasons: low self-esteem, actively supporting an interested environment, perfectionism.

self-confidence

Unreasonable exaltation of one's abilities, supposedly allowing one to cope with a certain or any task. It is the cause of bragging and risky acts, often committed with a rejection of the rules of safety, the laws of physics and the arguments of logic. It is based on inexperience, dependence on the desire to live on the verge of a foul.

weak will

Lack of ability to perform an effort of will for the sake of a desired goal or to resist dangerous, illegal temptations, morally degraded individuals. The tendency to submit to other people's decisions, even when they require serious sacrifices. Such a negative character trait of a man can make him the object of ridicule in the team.

Cowardice

The inability to resist the opponent due to insufficient developed strength will, exposure to phobias. It can be expressed by flight from the scene of some events due to an imaginary or real danger to own health, life, regardless of leaving other possible participants in the incident in danger.

Vanity

The desire to receive praise for real and imaginary merits. The desire to first of all have a positive image, and not be worthy of compliments. Illegibility in the quality of voiced approvals - flattery is also perceived favorably. Moreover, it is not always possible to distinguish it from sincere statements.

Stubbornness

The desire to act only according to one's own ideas about the correctness of the chosen path, the rejection of authorities, ignoring the well-known rules, purely because of the habit of acting the way one has decided. Lack of ability to be flexible in the face of a conflict of interests, unwillingness or inability to take into account the goals and capabilities of others.

selfishness

Conscious selfishness, the desire to live in comfort, regardless of the possible inconvenience that follows from this for others. Their interests are always exalted above the desires of other people, the opinions of the latter on this and other occasions are never taken into account. All decisions are based solely on self-interest.

Negative character traits are found in everyone, but they are expressed to a greater or lesser extent. Laziness, pride, doubts, deceit, greed, fears can really spoil life if you do not learn to cope with them. Even one quality can be enough to make it unbearable to be with a person, and if there is a complete set, then this greatly affects the social circle.

How to change character

You can't force a person to change if they don't want to. Only in childhood, parents or relatives can influence a person, then only he himself can decide to become different. For transformation, you need to understand what exactly is negative in the character, what needs to be corrected. To do this, contact your loved ones and ask what they do not like. And do not shout at them, do not be offended, but listen. People around you always know better, and if they love you, they will not lie. With their help, create a list of negative traits and look at it carefully.

You can only fix what you agree with. Analyze each quality, think about situations where it was, find out what was the cause and effect. Observation, awareness is a huge step towards a new character. And only after the analysis is it worth starting to react differently. It can be difficult to change your behavior right away, but over time it will start to get better. Each time, just think about what to say, what to do, do not act out of habit, but go out of the past framework.

Behavior Change Mistakes

People sometimes discover laziness in themselves, realize it and decide to get rid of it. This is the wrong position. If something is forcibly removed, if something is ignored, it will appear again and again. You don't have to fight with yourself, but just choose a different direction. For example, activity is the opposite of laziness. The correct wording of the change will sound like this: increase your activity, begin to be implemented with great enthusiasm. This creates a vector of development, helps to improve your achievements.

The opposite of resentment is the ability to forgive, the other side of greed is generosity, removing resentment, strive for forgiveness. Every negative quality has its opposite, it is this that allows you to change and move forward. Write yours in a column negative traits, find positive ones for them and fix them on paper. And every day try to become better, work on yourself, watch your behavior and speech. Just a few months of training will make you much better.

Help in changing consciousness can be provided by special trainings. Today, a lot of classes are held on the Internet, some are devoted to liberation from negative experiences, reducing aggression, and increasing performance. All of them can help in transformation. But it is important to understand that listening is very useful, but you also need to perform exercises that will make training effective.

How to distinguish a bad character from a good one

Character is the individual peculiarity of a person, that which characterizes his main personality traits. In specialized literature, one can find, for example, the following phrase: "Gas with a characteristic odor." That is, by this characteristic smell alone, this gas can be distinguished from many others. It is the same with the character of a person - he, if any, shows well distinctive features this person, as it were, "gives away" his master.

1. Character makes a person predictable. But this predictability applies only to some situations, not all. If a person does not like to lie, then he is predictable only in that he will not lie (or will, but extremely reluctantly). We won't be able to predict exactly what he'll tell us. If someone is prone to verbal aggression (angry with the tongue), then we can be sure that sooner or later he will attack someone with reproaches or insults, but we cannot know who exactly.

People without character, on the contrary, are either completely predictable or completely unpredictable. Predictability is a consequence of a passive life position, and unpredictability is a consequence of “porridge in the head” and (or) complete dependence on third parties. Remember this: passivity betrays in a person only the absence of character.

2. Good character or bad is largely a matter of taste. Learn for yourself (as they say, at your own peril and risk) to understand people, their characters. If you are looking for a friend or spouse, then a person with a constructive, harmonious character will suit you. But if suddenly you want to suffer, experience many unpleasant adventures, then a person with a destructive, disharmonic, selfish character is quite suitable for you.

A person who has a constructive character is focused, tuned in to cooperation. He is sure that both of you benefit from cooperation. He will not oppose his interests and yours.

A person with a destructive nature is constantly looking for personal gain, time after time he makes the same mistake: "The best is the enemy of the good." He sees only his own personal benefit, as soon as he notices that he has not squeezed everything possible out of the relationship with you, he “tightens the nut” of the relationship even tighter. Sooner or later, in a relationship, the “thread breaks”, and then the egoist is looking for new friends.

If you are just starting to look at a person, then give him some checks(tests, so to speak). Try to find out the degree of willingness of this person to cooperate.

No wonder they say that "You can't even cook porridge with such a person." So try to start by joining forces to cook something: cook borscht together, stick dumplings, etc. If a person calmly and judiciously gets down to business and completes it, this is one thing. If he starts to play up, constantly get out, look for personal gain, throw unpleasant work on you, show off, blame you, that's different.

IN joint activities bad character will show itself very quickly. Therefore, arrange other checks. You can, for example, go hiking or take care of a sick grandmother. If a person immediately refuses this or that idea, this does not mean anything. If he undertook, but then could not do anything, while making you feel guilty, then this, on the contrary, says a lot.

3. The constructive nature of a person develops his abilities. After all, it takes a lot of time, diligence and other skills to develop abilities. positive qualities. Even if a person just has pleasant manners, this already says a lot. This means that a person loves and knows how to work on himself. If he has athletic or intellectual achievements, then this is even better.

If all the “abilities” of a person consist only of the ability to lie and adapt, then you definitely can’t cook porridge with such a person. Sooner or later he will deceive you. It will wait for the most opportune moment, when you least expect deception and when it is most profitable to deceive you, and deceive you.

Therefore, always pay attention to a person's ability, they are not only a consequence of some natural inclinations, but also the result of the work of character.