A tale of unfinished business and how to get energized by dealing with them. How unfinished business leads us to a stupor

Most people tend to actively start something new, but not follow through. Whether this quality is inherent in you is easy to check by looking at your bedside tables, bookshelves, organizers and notebooks. Surely there will be unread books, records of unfulfilled plans, postponed messages in e-mail that we did not take the time to read, etc.

If you are familiar with this, perhaps a few of the tips below will be helpful.

1. You spend more energy thinking about unfinished business than doing it.

Reflection can require no less psychic energy than action. The energy spent for many days thinking about unfinished business can be quite enough to, if not completely finish the case, but at least noticeably progress in it. Therefore, the next time, before throwing something halfway, think about how energetically it will be even more costly than doing it.

2. Getting started is harder than finishing

The beginning of something is already a significant achievement in itself. A lot of people get stuck in the thinking phase and never move on to trying to act on their ideas. Even if you take one small step towards your goals, it is already progress. Are you on the right way... All that is left for you is to take the next step ... and the next ... and little by little you will reach the goal.

3. Perfectionism is the enemy of completeness

You can adjust and improve something throughout your life. It's an endless process. No matter how good you are at doing something, there will always be an opportunity to tweak your work. So if you feel the urge to perfectionism, complete any task as quickly as possible in its first approximation, and adjustments can be made later if necessary.

How do you complete what you started?

Don't lose concentration. Most goals remain unfinished because other tasks get in their way and direct our attention to themselves. But juggling big amount different projects at one time is a proven path to leaving most of them unfinished. Be sure to focus your efforts on one or a few assignments. Don't let yourself be swayed by seemingly pressing matters and unnecessary distractions.

Eliminate interference. Do a little experiment - watch yourself for a while and highlight the three biggest obstacles in your life. This can be anything from watching TV to chatting with friends on Skype. How can you deal with these time stealers? What can you do to improve your concentration and productivity?

Do, complete, or delegate. Take 5-10 minutes to make a list of all the things you have left unfinished. After you have done this, carefully review each, and either declare it complete (by crossing it out), or set a goal to complete it as quickly as possible (by putting an exclamation mark next to it), or delegate it to another (write the name of this person next to the task ). Sort out all the important tasks that need completion and combine them into a new list, so that by the end of the month (quarter or year) you can start a new life, freer from incompleteness.

Deliberately procrastinate. Anyone who postpones business knows that it often leads to the fact that the postponed business becomes more difficult to finish. It is advisable that the postponement of a business was a deliberate act, and not just a loss of it in a heap of other things. Then you are more likely to return to it and complete, or erase it from memory as unnecessary.

Think in all-or-nothing terms. You may have heard that thinking "all or nothing" is limiting yourself. However, when it comes to completing your endeavors, it can be helpful. If you think about it, you will see that there can be only two results of your actions: they are either completed or not. And if not, then it really doesn't matter if the job is half done, almost complete, or very close to completion - IT IS NOT DONE. Thus, make it your responsibility: every business you start must be completed. No apologies. There are no exceptions.

Force yourself to account. We are usually more motivated to complete what we have begun if others expect it from us. Find someone to whom you will be accountable for your professional or personal goals. Set deadlines for each assignment and communicate them to your partners or family members.

Here again, running past, she looked out of the corner of her eye at the unfinished picture. Flashed in my head: where again to get this inspiration? Why did the feeling of lightness disappear from the process? The further, the more difficult it is to get together and finally finish what was once started with such a fervor.

The unfinished business effect. Which of us has not had this? For some reason, we abandon things halfway through: either I didn’t have time to finish in a day, then attempts to solve the problem get bogged down, like in a quagmire, and you can’t see the result, then the routine turned out to be stronger than inspiration.

And this is not only about any tasks. Relationships can also remain incomplete - personal, work. Here everything becomes even more complicated, because addiction, attachment, fear of loneliness and other human illusions are added.

Why don't we get things done?

Not completed - it means that somewhere they did not put an end. And this "unfinished" goes with you further through life from the past to the future. It's like breathing in, but you can't breathe out. The more such unfinished moments in our life, the more we begin to suffocate under their weight, lose strength and energy, inspiration and desire.

And do not be fooled: you will not be able to forget, throw them out of your head. You will constantly bump into them, remember and blame yourself.

Why do we leave things unfinished? There are several reasons for this:

1. We cannot correctly estimate the time it will take to complete this matter. It seems that you will decide quickly, literally in one day. But the day ends, and things are still there. But tomorrow is a new day, new tasks.
2. We do not know how to prioritize. We take on what is not really needed, but really want to. Then we give up, because more important and urgent needs attention.
3. We are distracted from the started business for a useless pastime. I decided to read the news, then I got hooked on the article, I looked through social networks. And the TV is broadcasting something in the background.
4. We sabotage. From laziness or because of negative emotions. You seem to be doing, but there is no result, or the goal is too far and seems unattainable. Perhaps someone close to him said that "you are doing nonsense, it would be better if you did something useful."

How to keep up with everything and not accumulate new cases?

The main idea is to learn how to put a full stop. Every unfinished business is a kettlebell on your feet, pulling back. Each completed is wings for forward flight.

1. Conduct an audit of all unfinished business

The first task is to look around. What haven't been completed yet? We didn’t finish painting, didn’t finish writing, didn’t finish, didn’t finish, etc.

If unfinished business is already very old, perhaps they have already lost their relevance. Look - do you still need them? Is it worth wasting your time on them?

Finish those matters that are no longer relevant for yourself in your head. Put a point. You no longer return to them and do not regret that you never completed them. Get them out of your head and, if possible, remove anything that reminds of them out of sight.

Recently I also carried out such an audit. How do I usually put a point? First, I check the relevance of the unfinished, then - whether I am connected with it emotionally.

Here is one of the pictures thrown halfway. Everything. The idea is gone, I'm not interested anymore. Whether there is a new idea based on what has already been written? No. And there is no desire to force her out of myself. Resolved - use it as canvas for another painting. Point.

A new course has been hanging over my soul for a long time, which I am trying to complete. While I am writing, the situation in the laws is rapidly changing: new information, new data. Yes, and I'm constantly stuck, the work is progressing with difficulty. Today, the course is no longer relevant in this form. Moreover, if my own eyes do not burn from it, how will I give it to people? Resolved - I don't torture myself anymore. Materials - to the archive. Point.

Oh, here's a pile of laundry that needs ironing for two weeks now. Relevant? Very much. I want to? Honestly, no. But you need to do it - you can't throw the laundry in the trash. Solved - send to completion list.

In relationships, we act in the same way. True, here it is much more difficult to cope with emotional attachment to a person. Relationships are up-to-date? No. You may even have already broken up. But still cling? To put an end to it, you need to deal with yourself and understand that this is not "high love", but a painful addiction. Although this is a deep topic for a separate discussion.

2. Find objections to excuses

First, for each task, give yourself an honest answer, why you didn't finish it earlier, what prevented you. Even if you already have the "no time" excuse, try to dig further.

Then find for each "why?" your objection. Often the excuses are on the surface, while the true reasons for "do / not do" are much deeper.

For example, the same notorious ironing. "Why?": "There is absolutely no time to do this." Objection: “How much do you need for this? Maximum one hour. You were on the Internet yesterday at this hour. Excuse. You just don't like ironing, so you delay this moment. Change your habit - do it right away. "

You cannot understand the reasons for self-sabotage until you deal with your emotions. Especially when it comes to deferred creative works... I know by myself how often dozens kind words from people who say "you are a talent" are killed by a single caustic "you are mediocrity."

3. Write everything down on paper

It is better to write down your thoughts during the revision, because we believe much more in what is written than what is said. The tasks to be completed I write out to myself in order of priority and I just do one by one. It literally becomes physically easier with every tick on the list!

For self-control and to keep myself from new abandoned affairs, I keep a diary every day. In the morning (or before going to bed) I write down the upcoming plans for one day. Beforehand, I prioritize them and try to correctly estimate the time to complete all tasks. And in the evening I write down my observations at the end of the day. What I did, what I didn't. Why didn’t I: I was distracted, I didn’t calculate the time, there were many calls, it just didn’t work today, etc. Three or four sentences are enough.

4. Start with unfinished

I start the next day with unfinished tasks. Of course, if this is a hobby, and not a work issue, then I will put this item on the next free time. And I will not take up any other lesson until I finish what I have begun.

You can learn to complete big things by starting with small steps. Train on common household tasks - on the things that shape your daily habits.

I even made a commitment to change some of the usual routine so as not to accumulate "unfinished". For example, cleaning the kitchen immediately after cooking and eating. Iron the laundry as soon as it is dry. Do not take on a bunch of things at once. I did one thing - then I do another.

So gradually we get rid of the old and unnecessary for a long time. After all, in order to find something new, it is necessary to free up space and time for it.

From the editorial board

Self-sabotage is another problem! It would seem that you set yourself a task, you realize its necessity, but you cannot fulfill it - every now and then there are obstacles. What to do if you need to, but don't want to, you can find out in the article of a psychologist Olga Yurkovskaya: .

Many things - important and not very, voluminous and small - we put off on the back burner, until better times, in short - for later. These matters do not go into oblivion, they accumulate somewhere and imperceptibly spoil our life.

If you are not in the habit of not postponing things, but doing it right away (rule 72), then sooner or later the moment will come when the tank with unfinished business will overflow. And then…

At first, unfinished business and unfulfilled plans undermine self-confidence. Under the influence of an ineffective past, we develop a corresponding self-esteem. And self-confidence is a very important quality on which the future literally depends.

Secondly, a multitude of various unfinished (and not even begun) affairs on a subconscious level undermine inner harmony, create emotional stress, which leads to stress or depression.

Personally, I get a spasm in my throat if I don't cope with what I have in mind. This is how my body reacts to internal stress.

And thirdly, the critical mass of unfinished business does not allow us to move on, does not allow us to see opportunities around us and use them. In our subconscious, the idea is firmly fixed that we already have a lot to do, there is no need to agree to any new proposals or look for something new.

Bottom line: you need to get rid of unfinished business.

This can be done according to the following scheme (this method was advised by psychologists):

1. Write a list of your unfinished business. Devote enough time to this activity to understand and remember them all. For example, an hour.

Write down everything, young and old. Some of them would take only 5 minutes, but we also postpone such things out of the habit of postponing everything that is not urgent.

2. Some of the unfinished business have already lost their relevance. You need to say goodbye to them, to free your consciousness from them. You can make a small ceremony of farewell to your unfulfilled plan. For example, write it on a piece of paper, make a paper airplane out of it and let it out the window.

3. The cases that have not lost their relevance must be done as soon as possible. Plan it out. Dedicate one day to activities that require less than 15 minutes. For example, nail down a plinth or a hanger, make an unpleasant call, report something, and others.

You will see how much easier it will become for you after that!

Bigger things will take longer, but you will need to deal with them as well. In order not to let it all go by itself, ask for help from loved one- let him help you control phased implementation these cases.

And there is no need to store unfinished business in the future.

It will be great if you get into the habit of giving everything at once, “on the spot” 🙂

And let your life be dynamic, interesting and effective!

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Do you have a habit of putting off things that you don't want to do right now? Is your desk (or computer) filled with pending bills, letters, folders and projects that you “need to think about”?

Do you throw out broken gadgets, furniture and clothes that have torn off buttons on time? Psychologists argue that all of this, as well as many other unfinished business, unfulfilled promises and unfulfilled intentions, actually poisons our lives more than we think. It takes away from us vital energy, deprives you of strength and does not make you feel happy.

We put things in order in the head

Here is what a psychologist from Simferopol Yekaterina Demuria, the author of her own Internet project of psychological support, told the MIR 24 correspondent:

While a person has chaos in his head, while he grasps at hundreds of things at the same time, while experiencing terrible stress from their failure, of course, he has no time to think about himself, about relationships with loved ones, about life in general. He should put things in order in this chaos. Therefore, without planning, I tell you, nowhere. Do what you want with me! Whether it's a crisis or happiness, and without a to-do list for the day, without dreams and desires, without completing unfinished business, it is very difficult to put your life in order and feel happy.

Here is what Catherine suggests to do:

First, we take a pen or open a computer file and write out all the unfinished business at the moment. Everyone has such things to do: unfinished books, articles, not sorted out bookcase or so on. These deeds drain energy from us. We may not be aware of this, but it is so. The thought that something has not been done clogs our brain and takes energy. This leads to fatigue and stress.

After writing down all the unfinished business, cross out the ones you don't want to do. Decide to put a bullet on them! Even crossing out an unfinished book or an unseen movie from your list will make you feel relieved. And how much space will free up in your head - try it!

Indeed, psychologists unanimously argue that a decisive rejection of outdated plans and goals is simply overwhelming in its effect. You feel full of energy, renewed, satisfied with yourself, you feel satisfaction from the work done. You are no longer pulled back by unfinished business, and you feel the strength and enthusiasm to work productively towards your real goals.

How to clean up the rubble of the unfinished

So, we made a decision to carry out the cases remaining on the list. Stop! Maybe you can outsource or outsource some of them? Sometimes paying a cleaning lady or giving things for repair is much cheaper in every sense than carrying on yourself the intention to do this work yourself for months. Make up your mind, your well-being is more important! This makes your to-do list a few more things easier.

Now we divide the list according to the importance and volume of cases. You get a section of three or four global, priority tasks that require a lot of effort and dedication. And a section of many small cases that do not require much effort and can be completed quickly.

Suppose the first list contains:

1. Learn English
2. Lose weight by 10 kg
3. Finish the book
4. Finally start renovating your apartment

The second looks something like this:

1. Disassemble wardrobes overflowing with clothes.
2. Free the garage, pantry, balcony or mezzanine from unnecessary items
3. Deal with tax documents
4. Make decisions on deferred projects
5. Throwing out old stuff (broken dishes, obsolete things, out-of-fashion clothes and shoes)
6. Disassemble old photos, organize and create an archive
7. Pay off debts and fulfill financial obligations
8. Hire a nurse elderly relative etc.

Photo: YAY / TASS

This may include "relational" plans, for example:

1. Make peace with a friend
2. Forgive a loved one
3. Go to grandma
4. Stop thinking about your ex
5. Give thanks to someone

A psychologist from Vladivostok, Alexander Molyaruk, author of the "Blog of the Psychologist of Happiness," believes this:

Once you've compiled a list of "incomplete" items, select any four tasks and start completing them. Plan a 'completion weekend' and devote both weekends to raking as much as possible more items from the list of unfinished business. Choose those unfinished business that will immediately free you up a lot of time, energy or space, mental or physical.

Once you're done with the first four tasks, rejoice in the feeling of freedom and peace that has descended on you. It alone is already worth doing all this. And then there will still be! Now choose the next four cases and so on, until you eliminate all the imperfections that have been accumulating over the years. Also, finish at least one major unfinished gestalt every three months.

It is important not to overdo it when making a to-do list for the day, says Ekaterina Demuria. - Do not overwhelm him with twenty things that will not be completed in the end, and instead of relief and pride in yourself, you experience disappointment and fatigue. Plan just a few things a day, no more! When you complete them, you can rest with a clear conscience. Be sure to compliment yourself at the end of the day, or pamper yourself after completing each task!

How to move mountains and not accumulate new cases

But what about those global affairs that are scary to approach? Pick two of them and write down what you can do to implement them right now. Don't fall into the trap! After all, if you write that you need to save up such and such an amount for their implementation, then everything will again be postponed for months. Write what you can really do. For example, start counting calories and walk intensively for an hour a day to lose weight, and while walking, listen to audio recordings of English lessons. Be sure to include in your daily plan some of these things, then you will move one step at a time towards the implementation of global goals.

But when completing old things, it is easy to postpone the current ones for later, which will create new and new lists of incompleteness. To prevent this from happening, psychologist Alexander Molaruk advises to adhere to the following strategy:

1. When you receive a document or come up with an idea, immediately decide if you will ever do it. If not, get rid of the document right away, or discard that dream.
2. If you can do what you think of in the next 10 minutes - do it!
3. If you understand that you yourself do not know how to do it or do not want to - entrust the execution to third parties.
4. Break up large plans that you are going to implement on your own into execution stages and treat them like deferred global plans: insert one item from the list of current ones into your daily to-do list so that they do not accumulate.

Photo: YAY / TASS

If you don't want to, but you need to

Unfortunately, there are many cases that are very difficult to get off the ground, because we do not want to do them, and we have no right to quit.

According to the psychologist, NLP psychotherapist, welfare consultant Dmitry Vostrukhov, each of us carries a burden of obligations that cannot be simply abandoned or dismissed. Realizing this, with each new "necessary" we add a portion of stress to our lives. What is at the root of this stress?

Everything is simple to the point of banality, - the psychologist is sure, - The strongest discomfort that we feel here is associated with fear. If someone declares that he “does not want to, but needs” to do something, then one can speak not so much about a low level of motivation as about the problem of fear. We are afraid of not being able to do something, not to do something, not to surrender, as we are afraid of negative consequences. Fear simply does not give rise to the desire to do something. Instead of real striving for results, there is a negative motivation for avoiding problems. Fear has tremendous power over us.

I don’t want to, but I have to: go to work or look for it, raise children, pay bills for an apartment, a loan, study, treatment, submit another project on time, take exams at an institute ... Everyone has a similar weighty list of obligations. In combination with fear, it forms a rather strong discomfort that depressing day by day and can even lead to a depressive state.

What to do with this is a separate big task for working with a psychologist or for self-development. But it is necessary to deal with your own fears.

To overcome fear, you must first understand its causes and understand that it is not really omnipotent, - says Dmitry Vostrukhov, - it can be completely defeated. Analytical approach - good way fight against fear, allowing you to go beyond it and consider it from the outside. Once we manage to transcend what scares us, we can turn to awakening the power of desire. If we forget that we are “walking over an abyss”, then we gain such strength that the burden of obligations begins to seem to us not so heavy. One more powerful way fighting fear - humor. If you add it to the other two - analytical approach and motivation, then fear simply has no chance!

Arrange a general cleaning in your mind, in your home, in all areas of life. Free yourself from the old and open up space for the new. Let prosperity and abundance into your life!

Psychologists' advice was recorded by Tatyana Rubleva

UNFINISHED BUSINESS

Another dying concern is often unfinished business. The masters tell us that we should die in peace, "without clinging, desire or attachment." It cannot be complete if the unfinished business in this life is not completed as much as possible. Sometimes you will find that people cling to life and are afraid to let go and die because they have not come to terms with what they were and what they were doing. And when a person dies, experiencing guilt or bad feelings towards someone, those who remain alive suffer even more from grief.

Sometimes people ask me, “Isn't it too late to make up for the pain of the past? Isn't there too much suffering between me and my dying friend or relative for their forgiveness to be possible? " I believe, and have proven it myself from my own experience, that it is never too late; even after tremendous pain or abuse, people may find an opportunity to forgive each other. There is such greatness, seriousness and finality in the moment of death that can force people to reconsider all their relationships, to become more open and ready to forgive, although they might not have been able to bear it before. Even at the very end of life, you can correct the mistakes of this life.

There is one way to help complete unfinished business that I and my students who work with the dying have found very helpful. It was developed from the Buddhist practice of equalizing and exchanging one's personality with others, and based on the method of gestalt psychology created by Christina Longaker, one of my very first students, who turned to the field of death and dying after her husband's death from leukemia. Usually unfinished business is the result of blocked communication: when we are hurt, we usually use protection, always speaking from the position of the one who is right, and blindly refusing to see the other person's point of view. Not only does this not help anything, but it blocks any possibility of a real exchange of views. So when you do this exercise, start with a strong urge to call out all your negative thoughts and feelings in order to try to understand them, work with them and resolve them, and finally let them go.

Then visualize in front of you the person with whom you have a problem. Visualize this person in front of your inner gaze, exactly as you have always seen him.

Now imagine that he has really changed, so that now he is much more open and receptive to what you have to say to him, much more than before, willing to frankly discuss and resolve the problem between you. Imagine this person vividly and visually in this new state of openness. It will also make you feel more open to him yourself. Then truly, deep in your heart, feel what you need to tell this person. Tell him what you see this problem, tell this person everything about your feelings, your difficulties, how unpleasant it is for you, how you regret it. Say anything that you thought was risky or uncomfortable enough to tell this person before.

Now take a piece of paper and write down whatever you would say to him. Then immediately start writing what the person might say to you in return. Do not dwell on the memories of what this person used to say: remember that now, as you visualized, he really heard you and is much more open. So just write what you see, what comes spontaneously, and let that person in your mind fully express their view of the problem.

Look inside yourself and find out what else you need to say to this person - any other hurt feelings or regrets from the past that you have held within you or have never mentioned before. Again, every time you express your feelings, write the other person's response as it comes to mind. Continue this dialogue until you truly feel like you are no longer hiding anything in yourself or that there is nothing more to say.

To test if you are truly ready to end this dialogue, ask deep down if you can now wholeheartedly let go of the past, if you are satisfied with the insight and healing that this written dialogue has brought you, and if you can truly forgive it. person, or whether you feel that this person would forgive you. If you feel you have accomplished this, be sure to express any last feelings of love or approval that you might still be holding back and say goodbye. Now visualize this person turning and walking away; and even though you must let him go, remember that you can leave forever in your heart his love and fond memories of best sides your relationship.

To come to an even clearer reconciliation with the past, reach out to a friend to whom you could read this recorded dialogue out loud, or read it out loud to yourself at home. Once you read this dialogue out loud, you will be amazed at the change that will happen to you, as if you were really communicated with this other person, and really cleared up all your problems with him. Subsequently, it will be much easier for you to release the tension and speak directly to this person about your difficulties. And when you really release the tension, there will be a subtle shift in the unspoken relationship between you and that other person, and often the tension in your relationship that has lasted so long will dissolve. Amazingly, sometimes you can even become best friends... Never forget that, as the famous Tibetan master Tsongkhapa once said, "a friend can turn into an enemy, and therefore an enemy can turn into a friend."