Self-acceptance manifests itself in accepting one's imperfection, in forgiving oneself for mistakes - this is a feeling of comfort and calmness in the presence of oneself. As it is sometimes comfortable just being next to some person, not even doing or saying anything, without suffering from the awkwardness of pauses.

On the one hand, we have a penchant for improvement..

Have normal people there is an awareness of their shortcomings, and there are norms-standards of society, and therefore the need to bring oneself into conformity, to improve. Society pushes, motivates, invites, demands from us - become better, cooler, more harmonious, richer, don't be a loser. Advertisements for self-help courses are blinking from the computer monitor, promising fantastic results. Civilization is based on the pursuit of perfection.

On the other hand, this tendency is easy to exploit.

Super Fat Burner X will make your figure perfect!

Buy a perfume with pheromones and crowds of women will run after you!

The cosmetic surgeon will eliminate the imperfections in the shape of your nose, give the perfect volume to your lips and breasts.

If there are some generally accepted standards dictated by fashion about the figure and external attractiveness, then about the qualities of the personality, which ruler should they be measured? What are the criteria for assessing your own and someone else's personality? It is impossible to please everyone around here. As adults, we understand this, take into account the assessments of others and act according to our beliefs and values. But in everyone there is also a child with his own story.

In childhood, a child is highly dependent on the assessments of parents and teachers; a teenager is guided by the opinion of the reference group.
If a child is accepted and loved in the immediate environment, in the family, then he learns to accept himself as he is. If he is constantly bullied and ashamed: “you have hooks on your hands”, “stupid”, “who are you so ugly”, “nothing worthwhile will grow out of you”, “you will take revenge on the backyard with a broom” ... then it is difficult for a child to accept himself, he will learn to overcompensate for the imperfection complex with the superiority complex. These are the origins of perfectionism, neurotization. External perfection in everything is an eternal attempt to prove to mamapapa that I am worth something.

Signs of perfectionism:

1. The perfectionist is mortally afraid of being exposed. The fact that he will be exposed and he will be, just simply common man... The naked monkey without a tail is a species of homo sapiens. He is carefully encrypted playing the roles of a hero, God's chosen saint, superman, a policeman of mores.
2. In order not to be exposed, perfectionists create whistle-blower clubs, where they willingly discuss the terrible flaws of everyone else outside their club and come up with methods of punishment for "moral monsters" and saving the lost.
3. The perfectionist doesn't like disabled people. He despises them. Some experts believe: This partly explains the negative attitude towards people with disabilities, in particular in Russia.
4. They don't notice signs of approval and acceptance. It seems to them that they do not deserve high marks enough. You need to meet expectations with a margin.

The process of restoring acceptance can be a long and painstaking way of therapy, self-improvement. Or maybe a short-term insight.

Here's what psychotherapist Natalia Stelson has to say about it

But in reality, this is not so impossible. Acceptance begins with the fact that a person must say to himself: “I am normal, such as I am, right now and I do not need to do anything to be normal. Happiness is where I am "

Yes, yes, happiness is where you are. People often do not feel it, because every moment they think that they are not perfect. There is still a lot to be done, not fulfilled, not decided to be happy. A lot of circumstances, conditions, the wrong situation and the wrong times. And so all my life, because you are still "under ...".

But there is really no reason not to feel happy just because you have not achieved abstract perfection. All our imperfections and flaws are our individuality, and what makes us different from others. Imperfections are often subjective. This is something worth remembering before you start nagging yourself for the fact that you have not yet reached the ideal, and therefore a nonentity that no one will ever love Ask yourself, what will really happen if you do not become a god in an issue or an industry in which you fight. Now you have stopped and are at the point of reality. What happens if you don't go anywhere, or go with a different speed, or, in general, turn to the side. Usually people describe a sharp influx of fear and childhood memories, the faces of parents or other significant persons who talk about the insignificance of a small child, reject him for his age restrictions. But this is already a thing of the past. Don't act like your parents. Love yourself for who you are.

All of us from time to time are faced with life difficulties or simply do not know how to act correctly in this or that case. Do not rely on a mind full of anxiety, loaded and overloaded with thoughts about work, family, finances and other worries, and think that it will give the right and wise decision. To find a way out of the situation, I suggest you try meditation. The task of meditation in this case is to calm the mind and allow thoughts from the deepest layers of consciousness to come to the surface. So, prepare a place for meditation: it can be a rug (cover) folded several times. Sit with your legs folded in Turkish style - in yoga this is called the half-lotus pose. Bend your left leg at the knee, the foot rests on the inner thigh of the right leg, which you arrange under the left.

Post-meal meditation is not best idea, after eating, 2-2.5 hours should pass, otherwise all the work will go in the gastrointestinal tract.

Before you sit down to meditate, prepare a piece of paper and a pen, put them next to each other. Be sure to keep your back straight - this is one of the essential rules meditation. Sit comfortably so that the body does not distract your attention, as in this state we plunge deeper into ourselves. Close your eyes and sit for a while, paying attention to your inhalation and exhalation. After 10-30 seconds, ask a question that worries you, formulating it very clearly, so that you can get an answer "yes" or "no", or in some other way, but so that there is absolute clarity. Then let go of your question.

Now we need to engage the mind with useful work. For this, the universal mantra in Sanskrit "Baba nam kevalam", which means "Love is all around," is suitable. During meditation, scroll this mantra - it will clear your mind, calm it, calm it nervous system and cardiovascular work. After 10-15 minutes, leave the meditation, thanking yourself and the Universe. Take a piece of paper with a pen and start writing whatever comes to your mind. Write as much as possible and then choose what seems to be the most correct solution.

A great way to find answers to questions is to ask your subconscious mind a question just before bed. Ask a specific question - and the answer will surely come in a dream. If the first time it doesn't work out, the second time it doesn't work out, then the third or fifth time it will definitely work out! With experience, you will get better at interpreting your dreams. Even without experience, you can intuitively decipher your dream. As you understand, obtaining information from deep consciousness is an extremely interesting and creative process.

How to always make the right decision?

Today you yourself will answer this important question.

Analytical meditation technique will teach you to easily make a decision, always know the right solution to see the most effective. With meditation, your decisions will bring joy not only to you, but also to those around you.
We will look at pictures, meditate and get rid of obstacles that prevent us from making the right decisions. I have created a series of drawings especially for you.
Today we will continue to comprehend the centuries-old experience of meditation and take the second step towards the true realization of our life.

Greetings, my students in the second lesson meditations!

In the first lesson, we began to develop mindfulness and learned the method of controlling our thoughts.

We have achieved:

• inner peace
• clear vision of the present moment
• states of creative thinking

Congratulations, we have started to develop beyond the capabilities of the mind.

We have learned to devote all our efforts to solving the only problem that really exists at the moment. We have learned to maintain pure attention, without thinking about the past and the future, and direct all mental activity to an effective result.

Therefore, those who are now agitated, whose thoughts are restless, and whose muscles are tense, refresh your memory and only then proceed to the second.

Everyone is now ready!

Together we take a soft deep breath and a slow deep breath. With deep and even breathing we begin the lesson.

Let's start today with an application example. analytical meditation ... We will conduct a detailed analysis together.

We will master new technique meditations- judicious analysis. Everyone will draw their own conclusions, and acquire personal convictions. We will feel the need to change the habits of the mind and develop new thinking.

We carefully read, reason, rethink.

How analytical meditation helps children with disabilities.

The study was conducted in 2001 in the United States. The experimental group consisted of children with disabilities and children with disabilities.

Scientists have set themselves a goal:

• Teach children meditation techniques to help you find yourself in this life and realize yourself

We identified two main tasks:

• teach children to control their thinking and correctly use the natural possibilities of consciousness
• help children create a long-term development plan

The research is based on the fact that people do not know how to use their physiological capabilities. We deceive our consciousness, set the wrong goals, so their decision does not bring us satisfaction.

Students set a goal to enter a university, and not to develop their abilities and learn to apply them in life.

Adults set the goal of getting a job, and not building their own future.

I seem to have always done this before! I changed fitness clubs, but nothing changed, I continued to be dissatisfied with something. Only now I realized that I had no strategy self-development.

Scientists have studied this feature of thinking in detail and created the "Effective Mind Direction" method.

This method helped children see their true desires, set the right goals and find ways to achieve them yourself.

Method - Three Meditation Techniques .

Technique 1. Concentration on breathing.

• The children felt complete relaxation. It was a real break from my fears.

• The children only breathed and were like everyone else, just children.

Technique 2. Mindfulness to thoughts.

The children revised their thoughts. They were helped to realize that fear is a reaction to imagined failures, other people's opinions, ridicule.

• Children were able to change their fantasies and see their uniqueness.
• They saw themselves as true, their talents, talents, abilities and interests.
• They felt happy.

Children have achieved such results. If you want to master this meditation technique and apply it at work, in the family and in stressful situations, read the article “My meditation or self-realization in life. Part 1. Lesson on attentiveness. "

Technique 3. Analytical meditation.

The children boldly set desired goals and built an implementation strategy out of their decisions and actions.

Here's an example analytical meditation 14-year-old Clara, a participant in the experiment:

• I will define everything possible options developing your career, taking into account your strengths
• I will choose 5 Internet communities (sites, forums) that resonate with my abilities and interests in order to learn from the experience of successful people
• I will analyze the skills successful people, their job duties and responsibility. I will choose 5 specific preferences
• I determine what knowledge and qualities are needed for self-realization. I will determine where and how to get them
• I will continuously take practical actions to achieve the desired employment (constantly draw up a plan for my development)
• I will monitor the progress of my actions, steps and make changes as needed

Upon completion of the experiment, all children admitted that they no longer see problems in achieving their goals. They learned to find solutions!

The study is over and the first part of our lesson is over.

I share my thoughts with you, friends!

For the first time, I realized that children with disabilities do not need pity.

The strength of talent and self-realization is absolutely independent of external features person.

I felt the joy of their victory and once again saw the tremendous power of meditation. How skillful management of consciousness radically change the vision of reality, and then reality itself.

Breathe in and out gently.

The lesson continues.

Let's analyze features of analytical meditation... Exploring How Meditation Helps Specifically find the right solutions.

Meditation provides clues. She gives us early on the correct answers in which we must convince our consciousness. We must overcome old habits of thinking and reaction.

• always, absolutely always choose forgiveness over resentment
• always choose calmness, not anxiety, excitement, aggression
• always replace your envy with the joy of the success of other people (after all, this will definitely not make you worse)
• always apply positive thinking Is the best solution

Imagine now how you are applying these principles. Imagine exactly how your thoughts, actions, movements will change. How facial expressions, gestures, sensations in the muscles will change.

If your thoughts have calmed down, your eyes and lips have relaxed, your shoulders have dropped, and your movements have become relaxed, then we have successfully completed our meditation.

Remember this state!

We must definitely experience exactly these sensations, if we want find the most effective solution.

To consolidate the effect of meditation and weaken the strength of old habits, let's move on to the fun and final part of the lesson with drawings.

Series of drawings "How to make the right decisions."

Let's look at the pictures and see how our thoughts influence our decisions.

Be yourself. We often attach great importance to the opinions of others.

Make your own decision. Don't let emotions (resentment, fear, anger, jealousy) speak the final word

The decision should always be positive. Often decision brings pain not only to others, but also to yourself.

With all your might, resist old habits, continually repeat to yourself “I choose a positive outcome. I choose a good mood! " Somehow, in this internal struggle, I arrived for 3 hours and won up. The eventual quarrel ended with a fine dinner.

We take a deep breath and a calm, relaxed exhale.

The second lesson of meditation ended.

Perhaps someone has a question!

How, nevertheless, to apply this meditation and make the right decision.

1. Take a deep breath and exhale. It is enough to repeat it twice. At the same time, consistently observe the movement of the abdominal wall, chest, nostrils. Relax your face, lower your shoulders. Give yourself completely to your breath. Get some rest. (1 minute)
2. Feel complete relaxation and calmness in the present moment, when there are no thoughts about the past and the future. (1 minute)
3. At the moment, set one single goal, one question that needs to be answered. Use hints from meditation, analyze until the solution evokes a feeling of calm and light joy. (From 3min).

Don't think what others might say about you.

Don't think about the success of others.

Don't assume defeat.

Be in the moment.

Make your decision calmly and confidently.

Take action!

We tried it on ourselves today analytical meditation technique... Apply it and you will notice how LIFE begins to change. Manage your decisions. May our decisions make those around us happier and lead us to self-realization.

In our life, each of us, sooner or later, may be faced with the need to make a difficult decision, which later turns out to be correct, but can carry negative and undesirable consequences for your future life. In this case, it can be difficult to behave in accordance with generally accepted ethical and moral principles... The meditation described below will allow you to gain right direction, if this, of course, applies to what you need.

Description of meditation:

Have you ever heard from best friend, working as a salesman in a store, admitting that at one time he had to steal goods and sell them on the side? Have you come to understand that it is impossible to continue your work at an enterprise that pollutes environment, however, you are faced with the impossibility of completing this step, because you are in dire need of money? A huge number of people face similar typical situations, almost every day. Meditation energy of love will allow you to understand what needs to be done in this situation.

Benefit:

• Meditation will allow you to find a correct understanding of ethical and moral principles;
• Will provide the necessary support during the decision-making process;
• Will cause the need to adhere to eternal values, which are based on compassion.

Time:

Conducting meditation is necessary for the existence of a personality in full accordance with its moral principles.

Preparation:

It is necessary to formulate in writing important for your personality ethical principles and moral values.

Practice:

1. Sit in a chair or pillow within your meditation space. Monitor your breathing for the next five minutes.
2. Try to revive the difficult situation in which you were required to make a decision. Imagine the negative consequences that follow your decision, regardless of the outcome of the decision itself. Try to understand which of the actions will coincide as much as possible with your personal values.
3. Now look at this situation from a different angle. Imagine what unpleasant consequences may arise as a result of your principled act. What happens if you lose your best friend or place of work. How will you feel if you act in accordance with your principles? How can your principles-based actions help some people, and how much harm others?
4. Sometimes, in such situations, it is not at all easy to find the right answer, therefore the most optimal way out in this situation is as follows: do not regret the time spent on meditation, try to understand in a calm atmosphere what is good and what is bad. Based on the findings, accept the right solution... You can ask a representative higher powers whom you trust, give you the correct understanding of the current situation and find the only correct way out of it.

Pause, accept your feelings, and smile to yourself inwardly, even if at first the smile seems insincere. Think about the person (or pet) you love, even if they've been dead for a long time. Can you remember your favorite place. The main thing is to create a warm and compassionate mood., no matter how fake it may seem at first. Then you need to carefully transfer these feelings to yourself and surround yourself with warmth, love and sympathy.

Through this meditation, you will learn to be extremely careful in making contact with your pain or other difficulties and to treat them with tenderness, kindness, and compassion. This will help smooth out secondary resistance and suffering, or even get rid of them completely. You will learn how to surround your pain or other problem, as well as any resistance that arises within, with kind and gentle breathing.

Preparation

Gradually relax your entire body and give in to the force of gravity so that it rests with all its weight on the bed, floor or chair. Can you concentrate on feeling how gravity pulls you towards the floor and supports you?

Meditation

Now gradually focus your awareness within, around the breath, allowing it to rock and lull you and your body from the front, back, and sides. Feel the breath deep inside. Can you maintain awareness within the breath as it moves the entire body rhythmically and gently?

Now try to expand the boundaries of your awareness to accommodate the pain, discomfort, fatigue, or other difficulty you are experiencing. Do this with the same attitude you would show for a loved one who is in pain or injured. Breathe for a while with your sensations. If you are afraid, then breathe softly along with your fear, again and again returning conscious attention to the body, to the breath.

In case of internal resistance or severe and stubborn pain, this technique can help you: imagine this resistance or pain as a bale of hay behind which you are standing or sitting. Now imagine that you are very carefully leaning against it, gradually transferring all your weight onto it. When you bend over, the hay bale will bend slightly, and you will find that its surface is more pliable and softer than you thought. Perhaps you can feel that the resistance to pain also softens when you lean on it? And all this time, soft breathing gently set in motion and rocked your body.

Now focus your conscious attention and use it to explore specific sensations of pain or discomfort. What do you feel? Do you notice that sensations are constantly changing and two identical moments of pain simply do not exist? Perhaps, as you get closer to your feelings, you will realize that only your lower back hurts, and not your whole back, as you thought before. Are you able to take a close look at what is bothering you? It is even possible that you will find pleasant aspects of some sensations, for example, a slight tingling sensation. Or, you may feel relieved by finally "looking into the eyes" of your problem, showing kindness and interest in it, and abandoning the struggle that only causes additional suffering and tension.

What happens to your thoughts and emotions? Do they arise in response to pain or other problem? Can you let them come and go without suppressing them or identifying with them? Are you able to let them go by keeping the basic sensations arising in the body in the field of attention with the help of benevolent breathing?

Try to recreate a patient, welcoming, and gentle attitude on the inside.

If the sensations that arise seem too intense to you, you can expand the field of conscious attention and include other characteristics of this moment there. Pay attention to sounds, smells or temperature in the room - let your pain or discomfort be wider and open space awareness where other events take place.

If you feel numb or almost nothing, try to focus properly on what is happening. Show interest in the sensations, thoughts, and emotions that arise, and use your breath to soften any resistance or firmness. Imagine that the breath has calming properties, and let it naturally dissolve any tension or firmness, even a little.

Now fill your breath with compassion for yourself: imagine how, as you inhale, your body is saturated with kindness and gentleness, which, as you exhale, penetrate even deeper and fill the body with compassion and warmth. Breathe with a deep sense of kindness, caring, tenderness, and self-compassion.

Let your breath rock and lull your entire body, including any pain and discomfort. And if resistance still prevails over you, fill it too with kind and gentle breath. Accept any of your experiences with great affection.

Conclusion

Finish your meditation gradually. Include sounds inside and outside the room in the mindfulness field. Open your eyes and allow mindfulness to remain deep within your body. Begin to move gently while maintaining a kind and caring attitude towards yourself. Then gradually get down to business. Resistance and rejection can be smoothed out with friendly breathing, no matter what you're doing.

📖 In the book you will find step by step instructions to help you overcome pain. This program is based on a series of short meditations that help you develop courage and get closer to the center of intense sensations, explore it in a friendly and curious way, in order to catch the moment when automatic reactions begin to take over your consciousness.