Crisis in men blog php b. Symptoms of a midlife crisis in men and how to overcome it

The crisis of adolescence. 13-15 years old

Associated with hormonal changes in the body and attempts to find his place in society - the young man "tries on" adult life. In the borderline manifestations of the crisis, adolescents become uncontrollable, they often have depressive states. Addiction to alcohol and drugs can develop. The sooner you engage in psychological work with a child, the more chances that the adolescent crisis will pass without major upheavals. Ideally, psycho-training should be carried out before a difficult period, and not when it has already come.

TIPS FOR PARENTS

Try to enter inner world teenager - ask why he changed his musical taste, clothing style, etc. Talk to him about his interests and tell him that, for example, the Portishhead group, by and large, v general outline copies the "Deep Purple" style. In the end, go to a rock concert or even a performance of street musicians in the underground passage - you may also be interested there, because there are many underground geniuses among the younger generation. Then the child will see that in front of him is not just a parent, but a living person who once wore a bellbottom, will be imbued with sympathy, and having found such an understanding, he will not have the need to go to the extremes inherent in adolescent crisis.

If a teenager pulls money out of the house, then teach him to appreciate it - do not feed him once, tell him that there is no money, let him understand that it is not endless. For the same reason, don't give him extra pocket money.

Build a relationship with a teenager not on a ban, but on an explanation - the first generates a protest and provokes harsh actions, and the second turns on the "head".

AMBITION CRISIS. 22-29 YEARS

By this time, the person finishes training and is forced to start all over again from scratch. No one is interested in his previous merits, the young specialist finds himself at the bottom of the career ladder. The realization that it will take a dozen years to overcome it can greatly overshadow life. A crisis of ambition manifests itself in a constant feeling of dissatisfaction with the work, a feeling of inferiority becomes frequent, envy of more successful employees is pursued, the bosses cause irritation and anger. As a result - quarrelsomeness, reputation of a brawler, frequent job changes.

PSYCHOLOGIST'S ADVICE

If you easily share your emotions, then do not withdraw into yourself, but tell the person you trust about the problem. Regardless of what he advises you, this simple technique will help you feel not alone in hard work, and not get hung up on worries. If you tell someone else about your personal problem, no one, except the therapist, will help you.

Try to look at everything from the outside - whether the reproaches from the bosses are so unfair and whether there are so many shortcomings in the leadership. Often, your professionalism is exaggerated, and what you consider to be the disadvantages of your bosses are their strengths. If there are minor weaknesses, then, in the end, they can be forgiven. If you come to a different decision, the situation that does not suit you can be changed - life always throws up an alternative.

Improve yourself - go to courses, and those that will allow you to make the most of your bored lifestyle. If your work is sedentary (and this is the job for most people), then courses related to movement are best suited: sports section, dancing, speleology, tourism, and if the work is mobile, courses are suitable foreign language and artistic photography... Such a change in activity is necessary because a person by nature must be harmonious - he must spend half the time sitting, half in motion.

CRISIS OF EARLY MATURITY. 30-35 YEARS

At this time, a man begins to worry about his health, fear death - this fear is called thanatophobia. Attacks of thanatophobia come at meetings of alumni and old friends, when it turns out that someone is no longer alive. Many are experiencing difficulties family life associated with the appearance and upbringing of children, at this age old marriages are often destroyed and new ones are created.

Psychologist's advice

Get exercise. Thanks to her, the muscles acquire a tone, like that of a young man, which is similarly reflected in the psyche. Let it not be exhausting, exhausting activities, but feasible and pleasant loads. A light jog in the early morning, a visit to the pool in the evening can relieve fatigue, give a fresh perception of the world and even relieve depression. When doing physical education, it is very important, firstly, to take into account your personal biorhythm of a lark or an owl and load yourself when you have the strength, and not when it is impossible to leave the bed, and secondly, do this not alone, but in the company - friends will distract you from unpleasant annoying memories.

Change your appearance - new hairstyle, well maintained appearance will distract from gloomy thoughts and give confidence. For this purpose, it is best to visit a stylist, beautician or even an image maker.

Go back to your childhood hobbies. Numismatics, computer games will remind you of a carefree time or distract, however, in some cases - a new addiction.

Middle age crisis. 40-45 years old

It is considered the most difficult. It is associated with an overestimation of ideals in life and regret about unrealized opportunities. At the same time, the second round of thanatophobia begins, which is more acute. Many during this period are prone to cardinal destructive actions: leaving the family, changing jobs. A frequent "symptom" of the crisis in 40-year-olds is alcoholism.

Psychologist's advice

Expand the field of intellectual communication. Philosophical books and sophisticated psychological films can help restore temporarily lost balance. But rarely, someone close can give a clear recommendation to a specific person what he needs to read or watch. Therefore, at this age, it is imperative to post a psychotherapist.

Talk to your children more often - not just "Hello, how are you - okay", but ask who they supported at the Olympics, what films are in vogue among young people, etc. Information about the life of young people can give a surge of your emotions, rejuvenate them.

Many 40-year-olds, seeing that their children will soon fly out of the family "nest", feel melancholy. "Shock" therapy in this case will be the birth of a baby - age still allows. You just won't have time to get depressed.

Crisis of the "empty nest". 50-55 years old

Associated with feelings of loneliness. Most often occurs after adult children leave the house. A man ceases to feel like the head of the family, it seems to him that his contribution to the creation of the well-being of the family has depreciated and his authority has been shaken. The feeling of uselessness often develops into resentment towards children and loved ones.

WITHpsychologist's advice

Make your children give birth to your grandchildren, they are the best joy for your grandfather, and it is even more useful for them: a grandfather can raise grandchildren better than your own father and mother: wisdom is added to rich life experience.

Get a dog. She definitely becomes a member of the family and gives the joy that you are used to receiving from children, and she cannot upset as much as they sometimes do.

Pension crisis. 60-65 years old

It occurs when a person finds himself outside the professional activity, which he was engaged in most of his life. It turns out that he does not know how to use his free time, and the idle life weighs on him. Are becoming obsessive thoughts about death, the fear of being on the sidelines of life poisons existence. A man is capable of endlessly complaining about the whole world, tormenting himself with endless treatment for non-existent diseases.

Psychologist's advice

If it’s very hard without work, find a part-time job: retirees need a framework, a system - it does not allow their brains to “fall asleep”. Work as a taxi driver or a security guard - whatever you like.

Think about your hobbies - fishing, chess, poetry - and find the appropriate hobby club.

Now that you have a lot of free time - finally take the time healthy way life: it is never too late to harden up and run in the morning, however, just in case, consult your doctor.

OPINIONS

Andrey Samovyuk, psychiatrist, head of the day hospital at BTsNTMO:

“There are pluses in age crises: rethinking often leads to personal growth and positive changes in life.

In moments of reassessment of the past, men more often than women suffer from neuroses and depression, but very rarely seek medical help, preferring to drown their problems in alcohol. Men are inherently more ambitious than women and have higher social expectations that are difficult to meet. Successfully breaking one age crisis, a man can get bogged down in something else for several years. Therefore, do not hesitate to contact a psychologist if you feel that life has ceased to bring joy. Do not be afraid of psychiatric treatment if you are experiencing neurosis or depression. "

Evgeny Voronkov, psychiatrist-psychotherapist:

"Most age-related crises are far-fetched problems. There are two real biological bases: adolescence and menopause. The first is associated with an increase in the level of sex hormones, the second - with its extinction. In both cases it affects the behavior of men. In both cases the best way out for a man - to find a partner who is worried about the same problems: it is easier to go through life's difficulties together. The rest of the crises are optional and harmoniously developed people can go unnoticed. The risk group is impressionable, vulnerable people. "

Personal experience

Les Poderevyansky, writer, artist:

“Personally, I don’t have crises in my life, but I have a rich experience of observing why they happen to other men. The main reason for male crises is the disturbed harmony of male nature, and it consists of the desires of the mind and body. left, it will cause problems. There is only one way out of this situation: so that these bodies agree with each other. That is, you need to clearly set priorities, realize: what is more important to you in life, and what can be neglected. Then there will be no crises, at least as long as the body produces hormones. "

Vladimir Bystryakov, composer:

“Like every person of art, I have had crises in my life, but I associate them not with certain ages, but with changes in creative activity - you cannot work with the same efficiency all the time. Sometimes it happens, there is less work, whatever you want, all sorts of thoughts begin to creep into my head - about lack of demand, etc. Falling into despondency is a sin, therefore such a crisis must be endured, giving rest to the nerves and body. 5-7 days of such a regime is enough and any crisis disappears, and it is replaced by a bright streak and a surge of strength.You can also ask for help from friends - but only once and from one loved one... If you ask more often, society will begin to avoid you: people try to stay closer to successful people and away from losers. Also, during this period, you cannot sit down on a glass or drugs - this will only prolong the crisis. "

* Thank you for your help in preparing the material of the psychiatrist-psychotherapist, professor Oleg Chaban and the psychologist of the hospital of the Kiev neuropsychiatric dispensary Bogdan Padalets

Tatiana Evseeva
Dmitry Gutsalo

Move the cabinet, hang the shelf, nail the plinth - this is to them. Most men do physical work with ease. Only when it comes to a real crisis, accompanied by an emotional shake-up, the stronger sex refuses to be in the forefront.

Economic crisis

Olga, a chemistry teacher in a regular high school, almost cries as she tells her story. The fact is that her husband has been unemployed for a year and a half, and Olga has to carry on her mortgage and family. From part-time work, she went full-time, plus part-time work as a tutor, plus writing theses for careless students. But she is used to the fact that the husband is responsible for the finances in the family. Until recently, he was the director of a branch of one of the central banks, but last year the bank lost its license, and the husband was left without a job. The money set aside for a rainy day ran out long ago, but the faithful is still looking for " worthy position". “One gets the impression that he doesn't need anything. I have to send him to the next interview with a scandal. I just don't understand how my smart, strong, energetic husband turned into a weak-willed amoeba! And recently, to a friend's question about how things are with finding a job, the spouse casually threw down: “Well, I can afford to take my time and choose.” At that moment I wanted to strangle him, ”Olga admits.

She is not alone in her despair - there are more and more such stories. Many men, faced with changed economic realities, are not ready for change. They were told from childhood that they should be earners, breadwinners and protectors. And this, I must say, is not a weak burden of expectations. While a man successfully copes with this task, he feels like a horse. He is the alpha male and the master of this life. But as soon as the situation gets out of control, the man panics.

On the one hand, the burden of responsibility for the family creates unprecedented stress, which the psyche is not always able to cope with. On the other hand, a man needs to "keep his face", not to show his weakness, not to ask for help. Therefore, finding himself out of work, he often freezes in the pose of a rabbit in front of a boa constrictor. A man cannot agree to a lower position, because that means signing off for his helplessness. And if, at the same time, a refusal is followed by a refusal, he completely gives up: it's easier not to go to an interview than to run into another disappointment.

Relationship crisis

Victoria has been married to her husband for almost twenty years. Of these, they spent ten years in scandals, a quarrel ”, mutual accusations. In the end, life became completely unbearable, and the woman filed for divorce. For two months she cried on the shoulder of her friends and cursed her ex for "stolen youth." And then she calmed down, realized that now she had a lot of free time, and decided to spend it usefully. A year later, Vika was unrecognizable: she got prettier, built, found new job and looked perfectly content with life. But her husband ... After the divorce, he began to behave very aggressively, quarreled with all his friends, once ended up in the police because of a fight in the street, rude to the boss and, in the end, ran into dismissal. It seems that the initial data are the same: two spouses, unhappy in marriage, suddenly find freedom. But they come out of the crisis in different ways.

And all why? Because in our society it is still believed that "guys don't cry." Men do not know how to talk about their feelings, they are used to keeping all emotions in themselves, and hiding their pain behind the mask of a staunch tin soldier. So it turns out that a woman, not afraid to seem weak, can count on moral support from friends and family, and a man is left alone with his sorrows. No, he will look for a way out for negativity, but most psychologically safe method- sincere conversations with close people - he is not available. What remains? Aggression, depression and a bottle. This is how the average representative of the stronger sex usually reacts to crises in a relationship.

Responsibility crisis

Divorce statistics in Russia are sad - every second marriage falls apart. And if a misfortune happens in the family - for example, a child becomes seriously ill - then in eight cases out of ten a man leaves the family, unable to cope with responsibility. You can argue for a long time about why this is happening, that ultimately it all comes down to national characteristics education of boys and girls.

In our country, it is customary that the care of the sick and the helpless falls entirely on the shoulders of a woman. Moreover, boys grow up, treated kindly by their mother and grandmother, they get used to consider themselves the center of the female universe. If later misfortune happens in their own family - and the wife's attention is switched to something else, then the husband finds himself in a difficult situation for him. He receives additional responsibility and does not feel the usual support from the woman - as a result, the man breaks down.

Age crises sometimes occur in the lives of many men. Their reasons are always different. But each period is not hopeless. You can find the right path, and you should not go to extremes.

Transitional crisis

This period lasts from 13 to 15 years. It is caused by hormonal changes in the body and an attempt to find a place for oneself in society. Many teenagers become out of control. Often they have depressive states. Sometimes alcohol or drug addiction develops.

Therefore, the sooner parents engage in psychological work with their child, the more likely it is to avoid major shocks. It is important to find out why the teenager changed his dress style and musical taste. You should try to understand his inner world. Above all - to find understanding and not to allow the child to go to extremes.

If a teenager starts pulling money from home, you need to teach him to value human labor. It is better to try to reduce pocket expenses by explaining to the child that there is a limit in everything. It is important to build relationships not on prohibitions, but on explanation. This will help to avoid harsh actions and the generation of protest on the part of the teenager.

Crisis of ambition

This period begins at 22-29 years old. By this time, the person completes his studies and is again forced to start from scratch. Former merits no longer interest anyone. A young specialist finds himself at the very bottom of the career ladder. A person realizes that it takes at least ten years to overcome all the steps. It certainly darkens life. A crisis of ambition arises due to a constant feeling of dissatisfaction with the work. He often feels inferior, envies successful employees, his bosses, as a rule, cause only anger and irritation. The person becomes quarrelsome, gets a reputation as a brawler and begins to change jobs one by one.

In this period, a man should not be closed in himself. It is important to tell the person you trust about the problem. Regardless of what he might suggest, this simple technique will make you feel better about hard work. The man will stop getting hung up on worries. The feeling of loneliness will recede. It is important to learn how to more easily perceive reproaches from the authorities and not look for only shortcomings in everything. Life always throws up alternatives. Self-improvement is also important. You can take specialized courses to help you change your lifestyle. Better to spend more time on the move.

Early maturity crisis

This period begins at the age of 30-35 years. The man begins to worry about his health. He has a fear of death. Attacks of thanatophobia occur when meeting old friends or former classmates, when it turns out that someone is no longer alive. Many have difficulties in family life. This is due to the appearance as well as the upbringing of children. At this age, old marriages are destroyed, new ones are created.

Psychologists recommend doing physical exercise, to tone the muscles. Vigorous activity will relieve depression. A well-groomed look will help to give self-confidence. It is best to visit an image stylist. You can remember children's hobbies - this will return the feeling of carelessness of time.

Middle age crisis

This period is rightfully considered the most difficult. It occurs at about 40-45 years old. The midlife crisis is caused by a reassessment of ideals in life. The man begins to regret unrealized opportunities. Once again, there is a round of thanatophobia, that is, the fear of death. Moreover, it manifests itself more sharply. Many men are prone to drastic action. They leave the family, quit their jobs, and often become overly addicted to alcohol.

To avoid unpleasant consequences it is important to expand the field of intellectual communication. Exquisite psychological films and philosophical books will help bring back the lost balance. It is important to talk to children. And not just in general terms. It is better to find out which films are held in high esteem by young people today, what kinds of sports they prefer, and so on. It is important to bring a surge of emotion into your life.

Many 40-year-old men feel that their children will soon leave the family "nest", begin to feel melancholy. "Shock" therapy in this case will only be the birth of a baby. After all, in fact, age still allows. There will be no time to fall into depression.

The Empty Nest Crisis

This period begins at 50-55 years. It is driven by feelings of loneliness. As a rule, this period occurs when adult children leave their home. Then the man no longer feels like the head of the family. He believes that the contribution to family well-being has already depreciated, and his authority has been significantly shaken. The feeling of uselessness leads to resentment towards all relatives and friends.

It is important to communicate with children, ask them to give birth to your grandchildren. After all, for every grandfather, this is the best joy. And it is more useful for children. After all, a grandfather will be better able to raise grandchildren than young parents. He has rich life experience, to which wisdom is systematically added.

You can get a dog. The pet will become a full-fledged member of the family, will give the joy that the father is used to receiving from his own children. In general, you should appreciate the delights of life, because there are opportunities and strengths. You can go on a trip, go to the theater more, do a pleasant thing.

Retirement crisis

As a rule, it occurs by the age of 60-65. During this period, a person finds himself outside of his professional activity. It turns out that he simply does not know how to take advantage of his free time. An idle life begins to weigh him down. Thoughts about death become obsessive. There is a fear of being unnecessary, on the sidelines of life. This, of course, poisons existence. The man begins to complain to the whole world. Often he torments himself with endless treatment for diseases that do not really exist.

In this case, those who cannot do without work can simply find a part-time job. After all, retirees need a framework. You can work as a security guard or a taxi driver - whoever likes what. It's okay to think about your early hobbies. For some men, it's chess or fishing. You can find the appropriate club for your interests. When you have a lot of free time, it is important to devote it to a healthy lifestyle. In the morning you should go jogging, temper. But it is better in this case to consult a doctor.