Terrible diagnosis: how to accept the disease. How to survive the slow death of a loved one
A serious illness becomes a test for both the patient and his family. How to reconcile and accept the situation, how to find the strength to fight for recovery, how not to lose faith and how to gain it. We talk about all this with the psychologist of the Orthodox Crisis Center Inna Mirzoeva.
When our loved one is going through severe suffering, much more intense than we ourselves have ever experienced, it can be difficult to find the right words and topics to talk with him. The question arises how to properly express your sympathy.
The answer is simple. The most important thing is sincerity, love and attention. Often it is enough to be near, to hold the hand, and no words are needed at the same time. Sometimes we are afraid to upset the patient - we try to transfer the conversation to extraneous topics. Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh wrote that these conversations are devastating, because they are a screen for us to protect ourselves from anxiety. But, at the same time, we defend ourselves against truth and veracity. And for a sick person, this is very dangerous, since gossip takes him away from reality and deprives him of the strength to fight the disease.
While visiting the sick in the first Moscow hospice, which was created with the blessing of Vladyka Anthony, I read the instructions he had created for communicating with the sick. It contains these words:
“It is important for a person who cares for a seriously ill person to learn to be like a musical string, which in itself does not make a sound, but after the touch of a finger, it begins to sound.” All human relationships are based on this. The point is that the right words are always in the process of communication. The most important thing is that the person who is nearby simply feels our sincere sympathy. If we have it, then we will say everything correctly. We must move away from empty words.
It happens that by our actions we encourage the patient's pity for himself. How to avoid it?
First of all, it is necessary to show utmost attention to the patient's condition. I'll give you an example. I was approached by an elderly woman undergoing chemotherapy. She is in stage four cancer. The condition is serious, but she is used to taking care of herself. For her, peace, lying in bed is tantamount to. And she cries because her sister protects her from all worries. The sister forces the patient to lie down and does not allow anything to be done. This is a terrible situation. Pity and overprotection are not productive. It takes love and partnership. Everyone has their own internal resources. Thanks to these resources, a person fights. And if you take on all the duties and all the responsibility, you will deprive him of the opportunity to act independently, deprive him of the strength to fight. If you face the truth, then relatives who are too protective of the patient think more about themselves - how to do everything faster so that there is less hassle. And you need to think about a sick person - how he feels better.
There is another extreme. It happens that a seriously ill person goes through a stage of denial of the disease. He tries not to notice that his physical condition has changed, he lives the same life, taking on the same worries. And help is needed! And in front of my eyes, many tragedies connected with this unfolded. The man survived the most difficult treatment, weakened, but he gets up through force, walks a few steps and faints. And there are no relatives nearby ... because the patient himself did not ask for help in time. In such a situation, relatives themselves need to be very attentive, they need to analyze, draw their own conclusions and help in time.
And if a person is embarrassed to accept help even from the closest people?
Indeed, there are many people who find it difficult to accept help. They are used to being patrons themselves. In psychology, there is such a thing as congruence. This is when our feelings and behavior coincide. If we are congruent, sincere, then the person will still accept our help. Any falseness is felt. If you really sincerely want to help, it is unlikely that your help will be rejected.
Physically suffering people are characterized by mood swings that are difficult for loved ones to understand.
You need to know that a seriously ill patient goes through several stages in his psychological state. These stages - shock, aggression, depression and acceptance of the disease - are very well described by Andrey Vladimirovich Gnezdilov, psychotherapist, founder of the hospice in St. Petersburg. The sequence of stages may be different. Some of the patients can avoid aggression, while others may not accept their illness. But in general, the change of these psychological states is very characteristic.
The most dangerous stage is the shock stage. In this state, suicide is possible. And the patient needs Special attention and support. At the stage of aggression, a person pours out his feelings. And, if we are nearby, we must give the opportunity to pour out these feelings. Because the patient cannot keep them in himself. Otherwise, aggression can result in auto-aggression, a destructive state. I understand that families are having a hard time. But you need to be aware that the patient needs to go through this, and show sympathy and understanding.
Often, relatives begin to sound the alarm when the patient is overcome by depression. But we must remember that not always depression should be hammered with drugs. Pain must be endured, because through suffering guilt is redeemed, through suffering a person can come to God. When the onset of depression is "killed" with the help of antidepressants, pathological personality changes are possible. If a person does not survive depression, he may not come to realize his true state, he will not have the strength to fight.
It is better to find a qualified psychiatrist or clinical psychologist who will help you properly survive all stages of the disease.
Very often, patients complain: first, a relative plunges headlong into my problems, literally takes all the worries on himself. And then he overstrains, his strength dries up. As a result, the patient remains completely unattended. It must be remembered that, of course, if a loved one falls ill, we will need a lot of patience and work, but care should be reasonable. It is necessary for a person to see that we care about him with love and joy.
And we can survive the illness of a loved one only with God help. We need to turn to God more.
Often, Orthodox relatives of a non-church sick person really want him to receive the sacraments of confession, communion, unction, but the person himself is not ready for this. What is the best course of action to take in this case?
We need to pray for this person. Anthony of Surozhsky said this beautifully: “The imposition of God at the hour of death on a person, when he renounces God, is simply cruel. If he says that he does not believe in God, then you can say: “You do not believe, but I believe. I will talk with my God, and you listen to how we talk to each other.
If a person is ready for a dialogue about faith, then you can carefully tell him about your experience. Then we offered our patients books and CDs. And in my experience through books, including modern authors, people came to faith.
A few years ago a man came to us long time doing yoga. When he became ill, he experienced severe depression. He was highly educated and clever man who, in his spiritual search, has reached a dead end. Illness led to faith. It happened literally in front of my eyes. He asked to be introduced to the priest, talked, read. At some point, I realized that I was leading people along the wrong path. Gathered his students and announced it to them. And before his death he took monasticism.
IN difficult situation It is human nature to hope for a miracle. Were there people among your patients who were healed by faith?
I want to say that miracles really do happen and people need to talk about it. But we must remember that everything is God's providence. I have come across cases that can only be called miraculous. Once a young woman came to us in severe depression - her husband left her with a small child. She brought her aunt, herself loved one. My aunt has a cancerous tumor - melanoma. Doctors confirmed the diagnosis, the operation was scheduled for Monday. On Saturday we went to the temple. She confessed there, took communion. She stood at the icon for a long time, praying. In the evening, my colleague calls me and says: "They say that the tumor is decreasing." We didn't believe. But it turned out that this is indeed the case. The doctors were unable to explain what had happened. This woman, thank God, is now alive. She constantly calls us, thanks, but we say that we should not be thanked. She said that she prayed in desperation that day. She said that she didn’t even ask for herself: “Lord give me a little life to support my niece.” The disease did not return.
One more case. A man with kidney cancer was brought in for surgery, but there was no tumor. The professor cursed, suspected that they had mixed up the patients. And in a conversation with his wife, it turned out that right before the operation, a priest came and christened him.
Healings are happening. Each of us working with seriously ill people can remember them. An Orthodox person, if he falls ill, should receive a blessing, be treated, communicate with a confessor, pray, take communion. To believe is the most important thing. Without this it is very difficult.
We tend to trust Western medicine. A little sick, I ate a pill - and that's it. But often doctors are powerless: the tests are in order, there are no reasons for malaise. But the eastern sages many millennia ago realized that a person’s well-being cannot be assessed only by his physical condition. And that bodily pain can be a direct consequence of mental pain. Of course, we do not call to renounce the latest achievements of science, go to the village to the grandmother and start herbal treatment. But you can turn to psychosomatics - a science at the intersection of psychology and medicine, which will help combine Eastern and Western approaches to health. It is she who often helps to discover the “psychological causes of ailments and even chronic diseases.
The truth is somewhere near
At the heart of any psychosomatic illness lies an internal conflict. Psychologist Maria Makarova believes that an example of such a conflict may be the contradiction between “I want”, “I can” and “I must”. For example, we do a job that we don’t like very much, but allows us to make good money. This is a conflict between "want" and "need". And if at the same time we believe that the work is below our qualifications, the conflict between “can” and “should” is also added. The problem is not resolved, the source of internal tension remains. If the psyche cannot cope with such stress, justify or devalue, forget, then another protective mechanism is activated - somatization. Tension is released into the body through the autonomic nervous system, which controls the functioning of the internal organs.
There is another explanation for the appearance of "diseases from the nerves." Psychotherapist Mark Sandomiersky believes that psychosomatic disorders are related to the way we express emotions. “When there is a contradiction between the conscious prohibition and the subconscious desire to show emotions, the energy is directed inward.” For example, muscles and joints are involved in emotionally expressive movements. And if we do not allow ourselves to raise our voice, gesticulate, constantly restrain ourselves, these organs seem to be frozen, the psychotherapist explains. “Hence the problems with the joints.” The internal organs, being connected with the nervous system, are also involved in the expression of emotions. And if the latter are ignored, then the functions of the heart, liver and gastrointestinal tract are disturbed. Somatic psychologist Nikolai Pavlov brings another psychological reason physical ailments - systemic. It usually stems from family relations. “For example, there is a myth: in our family, everyone has a weak heart. It turns out that if a person wants to feel like "their own", he is forced to somehow get this disease.
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Obviously, it is quite difficult to understand what psychological difficulties caused the malaise. It is much easier to explain everything from a medical point of view: those organs that are weakened due to stress or vulnerable due to not very good heredity suffer most often.
Between 30 and 66% of patients who seek medical attention have unexplained symptoms.
Who is hurting
It is impossible to say unequivocally: the heart hurts because of unrequited love, and the joints - from jealousy. Maria Makarova explains that knowing the symptoms is not a reason to draw specific conclusions about some psychological difficulties. “In order to understand yourself, I recommend reflecting on following questions: Why do I have this disease? what do i get when i have it? what am I not getting? what is its positive meaning? If she could speak, what would she say? the psychologist suggests.
Let's try to explore the sources of physical ailment and understand what our body is trying to tell us. Mark Sandomiersky explains what internal conflicts cause diseases of various organs, and Maria Makarova suggests how to explore these contradictions on your own.
Stomach, intestines
Diseases of the stomach indicate our dissatisfaction with ourselves, low self-esteem, self-eating. The intestines suffer from depression or deep internal conflict, the contradiction between "take" and "give".
It's worth asking yourself:
How do I perceive the situation in which I am? What is difficult to "digest" in it? What information is particularly difficult to receive? How do I feel about myself? How do I evaluate myself, and why do I need such an assessment? What happens during change? What do I do with my negative feelings - do I give an outlet or do I prefer to keep it inside?
Chest (mammary glands)
Problems with this delicate organ speak of dissatisfaction with the female role, as well as its rejection. Often the causes of breast diseases are conflicts with men or the rejection of sexuality.
It's worth asking yourself:
Like mine female part implemented? Do I let her be? How do I feel about motherhood? Can I give, take care, give tenderness and affection to other people? Do I allow myself this? How exactly do I express these feelings and intentions? What happens in relationships with loved ones? What do I give to the people I love?
A heart
Pain in the region of the heart does not mean that there really are some serious problems with this body. But it certainly suggests that it is necessary to pay attention to relationships with her husband, parents, and children. interferes with it normal operation reaction to conflicting situations and difficulties associated with choice. Suppressed anger keeps us in constant tension, and the heart is always in a state of excitement.
It's worth asking yourself:
How do I treat others: kindly, irritably or openly hostile? How do others treat me: parents, siblings, husband, friends, colleagues, random people in lines, traffic jams and other social situations? How they react to me, because this reaction is a reflection of my characteristics. What do I do to keep my relationships with others warm? What am I not doing for this?
joints
Inflammation, salt deposits and stretching are signs of blocked aggression, a ban on its manifestation, especially in close relationships. And these symptoms may also be due to the fact that you are constantly doubting and unable to take a decisive step.
It's worth asking yourself:
How flexible or categorical are judgments about life and others? What helps me, what hinders me? You can also rate your ability to adapt to life situations on a scale of 1 to 10. And describe yourself in terms of flexibility and adaptability.
Head
Tension headaches are purely psychosomatic. The reason is constant stress, work overload, holding back negative emotions or insecurity.
It's worth asking yourself:
What thoughts am I protecting myself from? What do you not want to think about? What thoughts do I forbid to appear in my head? What happens to self-control? What is out of control, and how do I feel about it? Do I consider rationality the main quality? And what do I do with emotions: how do I feel them and do I understand them well.
TEXT: Julia Arbatskaya
How to recover. Doctor's advice
First, about how not to behave in illness. The main factors interfering with the recovery of the patient are fears and anxiety; laziness; irritability and intolerance; disbelief in one's own strength and despondency, and finally - stupidity and self-conceit.
1 step. Awareness of one's illness and acceptance of it in oneself
The main mistake of patients is that the disease is perceived as something separate from them. From such a statement a style of behavior is born - to treat the disease, cut or remove the disease, etc. With this approach, success is rare. It is necessary to restore health, then the diseases will go away on their own. This is very easy to understand. If there are diseases, then there is no or little health. If there is health, then there is no disease. Why chase 20,000 diseases (according to the ICD - 10 international classification diseases), it is more important and easier to learn the laws of health, apply them and there will be no diseases. But this is also the difficulty, because the patient will have to understand that the cause of the disease is in how he thinks, how he lives. So you need to change yourself - and what is it like to be accepted by a proud person who thinks that there are only two opinions: one is mine, and the other is wrong. So - Illness is a way of living your life.
2 step. Understand why this disease came to me
- The disease, as a way of manipulating loved ones, becomes desirable for the patient, and no one will cure it until the patient understands that he himself is the cause of the disease. Illness can attract love and care, through illness you can get away from unpleasant duties in the family. For example, a woman who does not want to take her child to kindergarten - " my head hurts so much that I can’t take my child to kindergarten in the morning, I immediately feel sick and my head is spinning".
- Illness as a way of avoiding responsibility. Example. There was a complaint about the school teacher. The next day there was a disassembly with the director. In the morning the patient developed such weakness in her legs that she could not walk. She has been in bed for two years now, and no one can cure her. Unfortunately, the husband surrounded the patient with such care that she would definitely never get up. What for? - there is no incentive, everything in the house revolves around and for the patient. She speaks with her husband in an orderly and mentoring tone.
- Illness as a way of punishing the offender. I got sick and let them be ashamed, they brought me to such a state that I almost died."- the woman said to her husband after the scandal in the store. He, in "righteous" anger, goes to the store with a showdown. At the same time, option number 1 is played - manipulation of loved ones.
- Illness as a way to punish oneself through guilt. The girl's mother died in the village, after the funeral she did not rise left hand. Constant self-blame If I was there, then my mother could live"I was treated by many doctors for humeroscapular periarthrosis, it did not help. Recovery occurred only after the feeling of guilt was removed.
- Illness as the goal of life. In the absence or loss of the meaning of life, the disease becomes the meaning of existence: going to doctors and a pharmacy, discussing their appointments with friends on the phone or on a bench at the entrance, and so on, fill the time, thoughts of the patient. It is impossible to cure them, since recovery means for a person the loss of the meaning of life. Such patients can only be cured by care. It's like a chainsaw that lies broken in a closet and no one wants to repair it, but they brought wood for firewood, then they repaired it in 1 hour and cut its wood. So a person, having acquired the meaning of life, quickly recovers.
- The illness of a child as the meaning of a mother's life. If a mother, while carrying a pregnancy, walks with a spiritual attitude of constant concern for the future of the child; or if a mother is afraid to let go of her growing child, then a paradoxical thing arises - the child is born sick or falls ill. Only the weak and sick can be cared for and protected. A healthy person does not need protection, that is, the meaning of a mother's life is lost. Such, so to speak, "mothers" run from doctor to doctor with their child and, like the devil from incense, run away from that doctor who can really help the child and mother. " God forbid cure". At the same time, the first option is played - the manipulation of loved ones. It is constantly instilled and shown to the child - "You see how I care about you." The child develops a feeling of guilt towards the mother, fear and anxiety for his health. completely subordinate to the will of the mother.This is a variant of the complex internal spiritual flaw of a woman.Unfortunately, this occurs very often.And it is a pity for these children, ruined by the egoism of the mother.
- Illness as a sign of a person's spiritual flaw. For example: allergies are a variant of intolerance and categoricalness, as a sign of pride and conceit. Inguinal hernia is an installation option " For everything in this life you have to fight". Hypertension is anxiety, a sign of lack of faith. Venereal diseases- fornication and guilt for it. Uterine fibroids - resentment and claims against a sexual partner. Parkinson's disease is a sign of despondency and so on.
- Illness as a way to stop the fall of man. These diseases are the work of God. For example, multiple sclerosis, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, cancer, leukemia, as well as traffic accidents and accidents. Only awareness of sin, complete repentance and rejection of the former way of thinking and life will help here. In practice, illness calls a person to spiritual achievement. A rare person embarks on this path, but those who have embarked are completely renewed, acquiring a second life.
- Diseases resulting from medical intervention, or iatrogenic diseases. Remember that there is nothing superfluous in your body, and before going to surgery, think 1000 times about the consequences. The removed organ can no longer be cured. His work will begin to compensate for other organs, their functional overload occurs, which disrupts their work. Any operation ends with a scar and adhesive process, which leads to different chains of adaptation with unpredictable consequences. For example: the removal of appendicitis can lead over time to the development of a prolapse of the right kidney; cholelithiasis; obesity ectopic pregnancy; difficult to treat dysbacteriosis. Not everything at once and everyone is different, it all depends on the structural features of the organs and the type of tissue response in the body. In short - by removing the organ, do you think that you got rid of the problem? In fact, you bought them 4-5 times more. Of course, if it is a matter of life and death, then you need to be operated on. Yet more problems from illiterate obstetric care for both the child and the mother.
- Diseases for passing the lesson of humility in life. This is all hereditary diseases and also see option 7.
- Illness as a way to escape from active life. Tired of living man. These are strokes with paralysis, oncological diseases, myocardial infarction.
- Diseases as a punishment for aggressiveness and malice in a person. These are epidemics of infectious diseases. In the Middle Ages, it was plague and smallpox. In our time, influenza (from "Spanish" in the first world war more died than on the battlefield - more than 20 million people) and others.
- Illnesses of children, as a sign of the lack of love of the mother (parents) for children. These are nocturnal enuresis, bronchial asthma and other childhood diseases that can take a foothold and go into option 1, indicating human infantilism.
One Disease can have many causes. For example: hypertension can cause anxiety (a sign of lack of faith), as well as aggressiveness and anger (spiritual position - " you have to fight for everything in this world"). Or it can be the result of an operation to remove the gallbladder or appendix. A spiritual cause can cause many diseases. For example, anxiety leads a person to hypertension, type 2 diabetes, hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism, etc. There is something to think about. If you figured it out in the causes of your illness, then you decide whether you need an illness.Health is, first of all, spiritual maturity, the ability to take fate into your own hands, responsibility to yourself and others.If you are not ready, then you have not passed the lesson of illness, then stay with her.If you are ready, but you do not have enough spiritual strength, then you need a guide for the first time (as to a small child you need support to learn how to walk) - but here your pride can interfere with you. If you are ready, then you are already 50% recovered. Awareness and acceptance of the cause of your illness is the biggest step towards recovery. If the disease is incurable, then bear it with humility and help others. Many saints had incurable diseases of the body (Seraphim of Sarov, Matrona of Moscow, etc.) as a sign of physical humiliation to suppress pride.
3 step. Get on the path to recovery either on your own or with the help of a doctor
Recovering yourself is hard work, when you constantly need to fight with yourself, with your habits and weaknesses. In fact, recovery is the path of rebirth, the path of making yourself new. It's like climbing a mountain. Do not confuse with rebirth, reminiscent of descending from the mountain, when a person loses his skills down to a bestial lifestyle. For example: drug addicts and alcoholics.
Obstacles to recovery
Unbelief, disbelief and doubt. Such a position does not bring energy to the process and dooms it to failure at the beginning or at the end of the path. Try to start any business without believing in its success - nothing will work, waste your time.
So, the state of your faith is the most important thing for your recovery. There is no faith, there are doubts - don't even start. Very important: patients often substitute the concepts "I know" and "I believe". So "I know" is a product of the mind (thinking), and "I believe" is the state of your soul, its core. The patient's phrase "if I know, then I will believe" - indicates a complete misunderstanding of the essence of the process.
Typical examples of the behavior of an unbelieving patient:
- After receiving the patient, recommendations were given. The patient, having come home, calls other doctors she knows to listen to their opinion on the recommendations. Having come for a second appointment, the patient says that she did not follow the recommendations, because there is an opinion that this will not help. As you understand, the treatment of this patient was discontinued. If you don't trust the doctor, don't go to him! Each doctor makes recommendations based on his experience and knowledge. Therefore, it is pointless to call other doctors, especially if the treatment technique of the attending physician is original or author's, one must trust.
- The patient came to the appointment and said that she would not make decisions about starting treatment with the doctor, she would first visit 5-6 doctors, then decide who she would be treated by. Such patients do not even believe their choice of a doctor, they will ask again, check with their own and others' understanding of the solution to the problem. They easily pass by a doctor who can really help them, since their ideas contradict the doctor's logic.
I have seen many of these patients. The same option on the other hand - " Doctor, I have already gone around 5 doctors, you are the sixth and no one can help me, all are bad, but you, they say, are a magician, one hope for you". Usually I answer - " I'm even worse"; and such patients I do not treat. Such patients are a typical example of a mixture of disbelief, ingratitude and hypocrisy.
The indicator of acceptance is lightness and joy.
Accept, give thanks, create joy and love.
Accept the events of your life, your feelings and emotions as existing fact very easy. This is not difficult if you realize that your choice led to certain events.
It is not difficult if you realize that these are your feelings and emotions and you already have them. They just need to be accepted. Into your own arms.
Accept your disease
Accepting your illness is also very easy. Accept it as a fact. If it seems to you that you already accept and do not resist your illness, then this is a mistake. If the disease is there, then there is no acceptance of it. Acceptance heals.
Accept all your thoughts, words, actions and deeds that led to the disease / problem. Accept all your feelings and emotions, all life events that led to the disease / problem. Accept the disease/problem itself and yourself along with the disease/problem.
It's very simple. Take on the fact of existence. We don’t break ourselves here, we don’t persuade, we don’t make you believe in something. There is a disease/problem. It is a fact. It already exists and we accept it.
“I accept all my thoughts, words, actions and deeds that have led ...
I accept all my feelings and emotions that have led ....
I accept all the events of my life that led to ....
I accept my illness/problem.
I accept myself for who I am now.
Thank you, thank you, thank you."
Internally, you need to be as relaxed as possible.
In general, adoption is unique in its breadth of scope. It is comprehensive. You can even accept your non-acceptance.
when melancholy and despondency overcame, it was necessary to continue to swim. Continue to take. Embrace sadness and sadness. “I accept my longing, I accept my despondency. I feel sad. It is a fact. Yes, I'm discouraged. I accept it." Accept and observe what happens. Something new has appeared, for example, fear, start accepting it.
You can allocate a certain time for acceptance, but it is better to take it in the course of events. Angry, accept your anger. Offended, accept your offense. Become totally accepting. The disease will begin to lose strength, and your strength will grow. Accept. Acceptance is the door that leads to self-love.
1. Avoid insincerity in communication with the patient
Often we avoid communicating with a person with a terminal illness because we do not know what words to choose in a conversation. The truth and the true state of things scare us, so we turn the conversation to extraneous topics. Stop: you will bring more benefit to the patient if he feels your living sympathy. If it is, then the correct words will be chosen. In addition, conversation is not the only way to communicate, there are kisses, hugs, touches and just silence.
Also, let the person talk. Sometimes it is worth even trying to talk to him. The fact is that, hourly and daily thinking about the same problem, the patient begins to intimidate himself. No wonder they said in the old days: "What is said - it flew away." Often, when expressing a problem, we not only get rid of, but we ourselves begin to better understand that we exaggerate too much. If a person has found out about a serious diagnosis, then he cannot be allowed to be fixated only on it. But at the same time, he should not be allowed to live as if nothing had happened, refusing to accept the problem and begin treatment. There is a fine line here.
2. Bet on partnerships
Heartache and excessive care are ineffective. Above all, love and partnerships are needed. If you take on your shoulders both duties and responsibility for a dying person, you will deprive him of the strength to act on his own, to fight. It is no secret that loved ones who care too much about the patient are most often driven by selfish interests: how to quickly manage everything in order to avoid unnecessary trouble. Think first about the other person, how it will be better for him.
3. Let the patient know they are still valuable.
It is difficult for both relatives and the patient himself to realize the inevitability of the outcome, reinforcing this with fears: how much time is left, how will the death happen, what will happen to relatives, etc.? Do not mentally bury a person in a difficult condition, live here and now, because while there is an opportunity to meet, sincerely talk, discuss exciting things, enjoy communication and each other's company. With your attitude, show your loved one that his opinion is now important to you, include it in the decision important issues, consult, try to entertain and distract from oppressive thoughts.
4. Be prepared for frequent mood swings
Keep in mind that a person with a terrible diagnosis goes through several stages of mental state: shock, aggression, acceptance of his condition. For example, at the stage of shock, the patient needs support, participation and attention. In a state of aggression, the patient must be given the opportunity to express his feelings. The stage of depression is dangerous to treat with drugs: by artificially removing the patient from a depressive state, you deprive him of the possibility of realizing the real state of things, which will deprive him of the strength to fight and hope for a good outcome.
5. Care must be reasonable
Having plunged headlong into the problems of a terminally ill loved one, taking on all the worries about looking after him, you run the risk of overstraining and exhausting - both physically and mentally. Therefore, there is a danger of leaving a person in need of you completely unattended. Of course, a lot of work and patience must be invested in caring for the sick, but care must first of all be reasonable, and also given with joy and love.
Psychologists also advise: in no case encourage a person to feel sorry for himself. Let the patient understand how important he is to you, but if he only engages in “pitying” himself ( a short time this is possible due to human psychology, but not always), then there will be no question of accepting one’s state.
6. Hope for the best outcome
Even if a seriously ill patient refuses treatment, believing that his days are numbered, do not lose hope for a better outcome. Very often, a person who is confident in the futility of the procedures just wants to hear the opposite from you: they will save him, hope is alive. So become a conductor of faith and striving for the unfortunate. Miraculous healings happen, the main thing is to remember this.
The most important thing in communicating with a seriously ill person is to remember that the state of mind of a loved one directly depends on your mood, emotions and feelings. Therefore, if you feel that you cannot cope with the moral burden, seek help from the right specialists and other relatives.
