Lee at the funeral. If you are relatives of the deceased
A funeral is a place where the spirit of the deceased is present, where the living and the afterlife are in contact. At a funeral, one should be extremely circumspect and careful. It is not for nothing that they say that pregnant women should not go to funerals. It is easy to drag an unborn soul into the afterlife.
Funeral.
According to Christian rules, the deceased should be buried in a coffin. In it he will rest (be kept) until the future resurrection. The grave of the deceased must be kept clean, respectful and tidy. After all, even the Mother of God was put in a coffin, and the coffin was left in the grave until the day when the Lord called His Mother to Himself.
The clothes in which a person died should not be given to either friends or strangers. Basically it is burned. If relatives are against this and want to wash their clothes and put them on, then this is their right. But it should be remembered that these clothes are not worn for 40 days.
CAUTION: FUNERAL ...
The cemetery is one of the most dangerous places; damage is often caused in this place.
And often this happens unconsciously.
Sorcerers recommend keeping in mind a few practical advice and warnings, then you will be reliably protected
A woman came to a healer and said that after, on the advice of a neighbor, she threw out the bed of the deceased (sister), serious problems began in her family. She shouldn't have done that.
If you see the deceased in a coffin, do not mechanically touch your body - tumors may appear that will be difficult to heal.
If you meet a friend at a funeral, then greet with a nod of your head, not a touch or handshake.
While the deceased is in the house, you should not wash the floors and sweep them, you can thus bring trouble to the whole family.
Some recommend putting needles on the lips crosswise to preserve the body of the deceased. It will not help preserve the body. But these needles can fall into the wrong hands and will be used to induce damage. Better to put a bunch of sage grass in the coffin.
Any new candlesticks should be used for the candles. It is especially not recommended to use the dishes from which you eat for candles at funerals, even used empty cans from under canned goods. It is better to buy new ones, and after using, get rid of them.
Never put photographs in your coffin. If you obey the advice “so that he himself should not be” and bury a photo of the whole family with the deceased, then soon all the captured relatives risk following the deceased.
a source
FUNERAL FEATURES AND RITUALS.
Many beliefs and rituals are associated with the death and subsequent burial of the deceased. Some of them have survived to this day. But do we suspect their true meaning?
According to Christian custom, the dead man should lie in the grave with his head to the west and feet to the east. So, according to legend, the body of Christ was buried.
Even in relatively recent times, there was a concept of "Christian" death. It implied obligatory repentance before death. In addition, cemeteries were set up at church parishes. That is, only members of this parish could be buried in such a churchyard.
If a person died "without repentance" - say, took his own life, became a victim of a murder or an accident, or simply did not belong to a particular parish, then a special burial procedure was often established for such deceased. For example, in large cities they were buried twice a year, for the feast of the Intercession of the Theotokos and on the seventh Thursday after Easter. Wretched Houses, wretches, buffaloes, pestilences
or poor women
... They set up a barn and made a huge common grave in it. The bodies of those who died a sudden or violent death were brought here - of course, provided that there was no one who could take care of their burial. And at a time when the telephone, telegraph and other means of communication did not exist, the death of a person on the road could mean that loved ones would never hear about him again. As for the wanderers, beggars, executed, they automatically fell into the category of "clients" of the Poor Houses. Suicides and robbers were also sent here.
During the reign of Peter the Great, anatomized corpses from hospitals were also brought to the skodelnitsa. By the way, illegitimate children and orphans from orphanages kept at the Poor Houses were also buried there - this was then the practice ... "Goddom"
.
In Moscow, there were several similar "corpses": for example, at the Church of John the Warrior, on the street that was called Bozhedomkoy
, at the Church of the Assumption Mother of God on Mogiltsy and at the Intercession Monastery on the Poor houses. On the appointed days, a procession with a requiem was held here. The burial of "those who perished without repentance" was carried out with donations from pilgrims.
Such a nightmarish practice was stopped only at the end of the 18th century, after Moscow suffered a plague epidemic and there was a danger of spreading the infection through unburied corpses ... Cemeteries appeared in the cities, and the procedure for burial in church parishes was abolished. There were also many customs, signs and rituals, touching the wires of the deceased on the last journey. At the Russian peasants, the deceased was laid on a bench, with his head in "Red corner"
, where the icons hung, covered with a white canvas (shroud), folded their hands on their chest, while the dead man had to "hold" in right hand white handkerchief. All this was done so that he could appear before God in a proper form. It was believed that if the deceased's eyes remain open, then supposedly this is to the imminent death of someone else from his loved ones. Therefore, they always tried to close their eyes to the dead - in the old days, copper nickels were put on them for this.
While the body was in the house, a knife was thrown into a tub of water - this allegedly prevented the spirit of the deceased from entering the room. Until the funeral, no one was lent anything - not even salt. Held tight closed windows and doors. While the deceased was in the house, pregnant women were not allowed to cross its threshold - this could have a bad effect on the child ... It was customary to close the mirrors in the house so that the deceased would not be reflected in them ...
In the coffin it was supposed to put an underwear, a belt, a hat, bast shoes and small coins. It was believed that things could be useful to a deceased in the next world, and money would serve as payment for transportation to the kingdom of the dead ... True, at the beginning of the 19th century. this custom took on a different meaning. If, during a funeral, a coffin with previously buried remains was accidentally dug up, then it was supposed to throw money into the grave - a “fee” for a new “neighbor”. If a child died, a belt was always put on him so that he could pick fruits in his bosom in the Garden of Eden ...
When the coffin was carried out, it was supposed to touch the threshold of the hut and the entryway three times in order to receive a blessing from the deceased. At the same time, some old woman showered the coffin and those accompanying with grains. If the head of the family - the owner or the mistress - died, then all the gates and doors in the house were tied with a red thread so that the household would not follow the owner.
They were buried on the third day, when the soul had to finally fly away from the body. This custom has survived to this day, as well as the one that instructs all present to throw a handful of earth on a coffin lowered into the grave. The earth is a symbol of purification, in ancient times it was believed that it accepts all the filth that a person has accumulated during his life. In addition, among the pagans, this rite restored the connection of the newly departed with the whole family.
In Russia, it has long been believed that if it rains during the funeral, the soul of the deceased will safely fly to heaven. Like, if the rain is crying for the deceased, it means that he was a good man…
The modern commemoration was once called funeral. It was a special ritual designed to facilitate the transition to another world. For the funeral meal, special memorial dishes were prepared: kutia, which is steeply cooked rice with raisins. Kutia is supposed to be treated to the cemetery immediately after the burial. Russian commemoration is also not complete without pancakes - pagan symbols of the Sun.
And today, during the commemoration, they put on the table a glass of vodka, covered with a crust of bread - for the deceased. There is also a belief: if any food fell from the table at the commemoration, then it should not be picked up - it is a sin.
At the fortieth hour, honey and water were placed in front of the icons - so that the life of the deceased in the next world would be sweeter. Sometimes they baked a staircase with a length of arshins from wheat flour - to help the deceased ascend to heaven ... Alas, now this custom is no longer observed.
The world is changing, so are we. Many return to the Christian faith for comfort and hope. It has become customary to celebrate Christian holidays.
Christmas, Epiphany, Holy Trinity, Parents' days ... However, either through ignorance or for other reasons, old traditions are often replaced by new ones.
Unfortunately, today there are no questions more shrouded in all sorts of conjectures and prejudices than questions related to the burial of the dead and their commemoration.
What will the all-knowing old women not say!
But there is a corresponding Orthodox literature, which is not difficult to acquire. For example, all Orthodox parishes in our city sell
the brochure "Orthodox Commemoration of the Dead", in which you can find answers to many questions.
The main thing that we SHOULD understand: deceased loved ones first of all need
in prayers for them. Thank God, in our time there is where to pray. In each district,
family Orthodox parishes were opened, new churches are being built.
Here is what is said about the memorial meal in the brochure “Orthodox Commemoration
deceased:
V Orthodox tradition eating food is a continuation of worship. Since early Christian times, the relatives and acquaintances of the deceased have gathered together on special days of commemoration in order to ask the Lord for a better fate for the soul of the deceased in the afterlife in joint prayer.
After visiting the church and the cemetery, the relatives of the deceased arranged a memorial meal, to which not only loved ones were invited, but mainly those in need: the poor and the poor.
That is, the commemoration is a kind of alms for the audience.
The first course is kutya - boiled wheat grains with honey or boiled rice with raisins, which are consecrated at a memorial service in the temple
There should be no alcohol on the memorial table. The custom of drinking alcohol is an echo of pagan funerals.
Firstly, Orthodox commemoration is not only (and not the main thing) food, but also prayer, and prayer and a drunken mind are incompatible things.
Secondly, on the days of commemoration, we intercede before the Lord for the improvement of the afterlife fate of the deceased, for the forgiveness of his earthly sins. But will the Chief Justice heed the words of drunken intercessors?
Thirdly, "drinking is the joy of the soul." And after drinking a glass, our mind scatters, switches to other topics, grief for the deceased leaves our hearts, and quite often it happens that by the end of the commemoration many people forget what they were gathered for - the commemoration ends with an ordinary feast with a discussion of everyday problems and political news, and sometimes worldly songs.
And at this time, the languishing soul of the deceased is waiting in vain for prayer support from his loved ones, And for this sin of mercy towards the deceased the Lord will demand from them at His judgment. What, in comparison with this, is the condemnation from the neighbors for the lack of alcohol on the memorial table?
Instead of the common atheistic phrase “May the earth rest in peace to him,” pray briefly:
"Rest, Lord, the soul of Your newly departed servant (name), and forgive him all his sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant him the Kingdom of Heaven."
This prayer must be performed before proceeding to the next dish.
There is no need to remove the forks from the table — that makes no sense.
There is no need to put in honor of the deceased cutlery or even worse - put vodka in a glass with a piece of bread in front of the portrait. All this is the sin of paganism.
Especially a lot of gossip is caused by the curtain of the mirrors, supposedly in order to avoid the reflection of the coffin with the deceased in them, and thereby protect from the appearance of another deceased in the house. The absurdity of this opinion is that the coffin can be reflected in any shiny object, and everything in the house cannot be covered.
But the main thing is that our life and death does not depend on any signs, but is in the hands of God.
If the commemoration takes place on fast days, then the food should also be fast.
If the commemoration fell on the time of Great Lent, then on weekdays, the commemoration is not performed. They are postponed to the next (forward) Saturday or Sunday ...
If the memorial days fell on the 1st, 4th and 7th weeks of Great Lent (the most severe weeks), then the closest relatives are invited to the commemoration.
Memorial days that fell on Bright Week (the first week after Easter) and on Monday of the second Easter week are transferred to Radonitsa - Tuesday of the second week after Easter (Parent's Day).
The commemoration of the 3rd, 9th and 40th days is arranged for relatives, relatives, friends and acquaintances of the deceased. You can come to such a commemoration to honor the deceased without an invitation. On other days of commemoration, only the closest relatives gather.
It is useful on these days to give alms to the poor and needy.
Death is the most hidden part human life... People are born, live, then the time of death comes. There are many secrets associated with death, otherwise it cannot be, because it is beyond the bounds of the realized. The departure of a person to another world is a difficult time for relatives and friends, and the last thing that can be done is to send the deceased on his last journey. Any religion has its own funeral rituals and ceremonies, special burial traditions and beliefs that significantly distinguish it from other faiths.
Seeing off the last journey
In ancient times, there was a certain list of persons that could not be buried in the cemetery:
- suicides;
- drowned men;
- the killers;
- actors.
A person of another religion must be buried according to his traditions. If the person was baptized before, and before his death he adopted a different faith, then they are buried according to the traditions of a real religion. Some religions imply that when you give up your true faith, you must return. Thus, sins will be forgiven by the Almighty.
Suicide is considered a great sin and most religions refuse to service the suicide.
V Kievan Rus it was believed that drowning was a shameful death. People who saw their end in the river were prophesied to become aquatic beings in another life. They, like suicides, drowned people, murderers and actors, were buried outside the cemetery.
In modern society in to a greater extent departed from old beliefs. The burial of the deceased takes place exclusively in the cemetery and with the monument. The unbaptized are still considered a separate category. They are buried in cemeteries, but the funeral service is not held.
Orthodox funeral traditions
The Orthodox in rituals clearly trace the relationship with pagan culture... On the day of death, it is necessary to close all the mirrors in the apartment with black cloth, paper or other opaque material.
There should be no music in the house. This is a manifestation of grief and respect for the deceased, since the soul is still nearby, so it does not need to be disturbed.
You can learn from church ministers that the soul lasts 3 days on earth, and after that it goes to study afterworld, up to 9. Hence the ritual that it is necessary to bury the body for 3 days. It is necessary to keep an icon in the apartment, and also a glass of water if the spirit of the deceased wants to drink.
Farewell to the departed
If a person dies in a hospital, his body is first taken to the morgue, where a protocol of examination and determination of death is drawn up, but the farewell to the deceased still takes place at home.
In modern society, they do not focus much on some traditions. In megacities, the deceased is not left in an apartment for 3 days, although this custom has been preserved in small towns and villages.
But the traditions of farewell have not undergone major changes. On the day of the funeral, before the process itself, relatives and relatives gather who wish to say goodbye. The coffin is usually left open so that people can see the person for the last time.
There are exceptions when a person's face and body do not have an integral appearance, that is, assembled in parts. In such cases, they use a closed coffin so as not to shock loved ones.
The coffin, it is still considered the "house of the deceased," must be chosen carefully. The sizes depend on the height and build of the person. The last "home" should be comfortable and also have a harmonious look.
In the last century, there was a tradition of photographing the deceased, but in the 21st century, the popularity of such photographs has sharply decreased. A technically developed society is able to remember moments with a living person, at the same time, in the 19th century, this opportunity was limited. It was necessary to wait for the moment in one position, so the photographs from the funeral were valuable.
Valuable things are put into the "house" of the deceased: what he liked to use, jewelry and just frequently used items. Modern world, which is shrouded in electronics, often puts mobile phones in the coffin.
Clothes and signs
Clothes must be chosen according to the ritual. It is believed that the deceased must be clean when passing to another world. To do this, he is dressed in everything clean, if possible, new. Slippers are put on the feet, which fit in size. The deceased should feel comfortable going to the afterlife.
Unmarried women are often buried in wedding dresses... It is only necessary to buy a new one, because if you put on a dress of a still living person, it will negatively affect his health. Girls are dressed in dresses of light colors.
Young guys are matched with a suit with a white shirt. Put a ring on your finger.
The grandmother is buried in a dress. And they choose a suit for grandfather. Elderly people wear any comfortable shoes.
Signs, death related, there are positive and negative consequences.
Funeral ritual
The coffin is taken out into the street or into the church, where the deceased will be mourned. Before that, wreaths and a photo of the deceased are brought out. ... If there is, then medals and orders... On the chairs where the coffin stood, you need to spend time sitting.
Some take the coffin to the church where the funeral service takes place. On Sunday, if it falls on Easter, a funeral service is performed in a special way. Most people order a priest to go to the place where the farewell will take place. Relatives gather around the body, holding candles in their hands, and the priest reads a prayer. After reading the prayer, the candles are blown out, and people walk around the coffin.
There is a correspondence type of funeral service in several cases:
- If the person is a military man and is buried in a mass grave.
- There are no funeral opportunities (usually occurs in villages where there are no churches).
- Fatalities in disasters.
- If you didn't manage to sing the song on time.
Burial procedure
Before the burial procedure, the deceased can be seen for the last time. At this moment, by Christian traditions say goodbye to the deceased. The priest reads out all the achievements of the person, and the loved ones say goodbye and kiss the deceased.
The coffin is lowered into the grave on towels. In some cases, candles and coins are sent along with the deceased. Each person throws a handful of earth, and then reads a prayer to himself, so that the person's soul finds peace.
What is prepared for the commemoration
On the day of the funeral, after the burial, everyone goes to the commemoration. It is necessary to organize a memorial hall in advance and discuss food.
An obligatory dish is kutia. The first one is served with Russian cabbage soup or other types of soup. The bread should be on the table. For the second, various cereals are used. In addition to them, meat or fish is served. Drinks include vodka for men and wine for women. On the third, compote and flour products are used. Each of those present is given pastries and sweets for the journey, in order to remember the deceased.
The commemoration must be done on days 9 and 40. At this time, they order a prayer in the church.
It is necessary to properly bury a Christian in order for his soul to find peace in the afterlife.
After the funeral, the closest people go to the commemoration to pray at the table for the soul of the deceased and remember him kind words... But what to do after the funeral and commemoration? What is the right way to behave the day after the funeral? Are there special rules and what does the church think about this?
Can I watch TV after the funeral?
There is a sign in which all mirror surfaces, while the deceased is in the house, need to be covered. They say that this is how we protect souls who can no longer see their reflection. Superstitious people do not watch TV for all three days, until the body is buried, or for all 40 days, until the last commemoration. Even the church, despite disagreeing with this sign, believes that for a while it is better to give up entertainment and devote oneself to prayers.
Is it possible to celebrate a birthday after a funeral?
In the first three days after the death of a person, the church insists to devote itself to reading prayers for the deceased. Much depends on how close the deceased was to you. Close relatives, as a rule, can themselves refuse to hold the celebration in favor of mourning. If a child has a birthday, then, as a rule, they spend it quietly, give gifts and get together with the family at the table. If your friend or acquaintance died, then you decide whether to celebrate your birthday or not, how and whether it will be a holiday or just family gatherings.
Is it okay to have sex after a funeral?
This question is usually asked not by close relatives, but by friends or comrades of the deceased. It all depends on you, there are no clear boundaries and prohibitions, only your heart. If the person was not close to you, and you only came to the funeral to support someone, then it is likely that your boundaries of what is permissible will be higher. Relatives, on the other hand, are in mourning for the first days and it is likely that they will not have time for intimacy, this also needs to be understood.
Is it possible to drink after the funeral?
The Church is unequivocally opposed to drinking alcoholic beverages at funerals and commemorations. It is much better to make homemade jelly or compote. It is also bad to take alcohol in the first 40 days after death, so close people can drown out the pain of loss. But this is not an option, the pain from taking alcohol will only intensify, and therefore the church advises to pray diligently these days so that there is something to occupy yourself.
Is it possible to have a wedding immediately after the funeral?
It also happens that a relative dies unexpectedly right on the eve of the wedding. As a rule, people do not cancel an expensive event and still hold it. Much depends on the financial condition of the family, there is nothing reprehensible in this. The church also does not forbid a wedding even before the 40th day. However, for ethical reasons, the wedding is postponed whenever possible to more suitable days. They do not hold weddings on the 3rd, 9th, 40th days of death, since these days it is customary to remember the deceased at a commemoration. Under such a combination of circumstances, many do not arrange magnificent celebrations, but sign and, for example, go on vacation.
Can I go on vacation after the funeral?
Vacation is not only not forbidden, but also welcome. However, the church still insists to go on vacation only after 40 days. Until that time, pray for the soul of the deceased. In addition, it is not customary to have fun and go to places of entertainment until day 40, and this is part of the vacation. However, if your vacation is, say, associated with visiting sacred places or walking in nature, then such a pastime can be beneficial to you and distract from sad thoughts.
Is it possible to make repairs after the funeral?
Memories of the deceased often come up when you are in his room, but you need to live on and in order to move forward, relatives, as a rule, not only get rid of - distribute things of the deceased, but also make repairs in his room. It is customary to make repairs in the room of the deceased no earlier than 40 days, since at this time, according to the church, the soul can still see our world.
There have long been traditions that determine what can and cannot be done during the year after death. loved one... Some are already outdated, and some of the customs are still alive today. You need to know about this ...
1:889 1:898■ For the first seven days after a person dies, do not take any items out of the house.
■ On the 9th day after death, relatives go to church, order a memorial service, and set a second memorial table at home. The family of the deceased did not sit at the first memorial table.
Now, on the contrary: a family and nine more people sat at the table (three who washed the deceased, three who made a coffin, three who dug a hole) .In modern conditions, the number of invitees can vary, because there are various government services that provide the necessary funeral services: in the morgue, the deceased is changed, the coffin can be bought in the store of ritual accessories, the grave can also be prepared in advance. Consequently, there may be 3 - 6 - 9 invitees, or there may be no one.
■ On the 40th day after the death of a person, a third memorial table is arranged - "Sarakavitsy", which is attended by the family of the deceased, relatives, relatives, friends, colleagues at work. In the church I order the Sorokoust - forty liturgies.
■ From the day of the funeral until the 40th day, remembering the name of the deceased, we must utter a verbal formula-amulet for ourselves and all the living. At the same time, the same words are a symbolic wish for the deceased: "He rest in peace," thereby expressing the wishes that his soul was in paradise.
■ After the 40th day and for the next three years, we will say a different formula-wish: "The kingdom of heaven to him." Thus, we wish the deceased an afterlife in paradise. These words should be addressed to any deceased, regardless of the circumstances of his life and death. They are guided by the biblical commandment "Do not judge, but you will not be judged."
■ During the year following the death of a person, no family member has the moral right to take part in any celebration.
■ None of the family members of the deceased (including the second degree of kinship) could marry or marry during the period of mourning.
■ If a relative of the 1st-2nd degree of kinship has died in the family and after his death a year has not yet passed, then such a family does not have the right to paint eggs for Easter in red (they must be white or some other color - blue, black , green) and, accordingly, take part in the celebrations of Easter night.
■ After the death of her husband, the wife is not allowed to wash anything for a year on the day of the week in which the trouble occurs.
■ For a year after death, everything in the house where the deceased lived remains in a state of rest or constancy: you cannot make repairs, rearrange furniture, do not give or sell anything from the belongings of the deceased until the soul of the deceased reaches eternal rest.
■ Throughout this year and all subsequent years, you can go to the cemetery only on Saturdays (except 9, 40 days after death and church holidays of veneration of ancestors, such as Radunitsa or Autumn Grandfathers). These are the days of commemoration of the dead recognized by the church. Try to convince your relatives that you should not constantly come to the grave of the deceased, thereby they harm their health.
■ The way you come to the cemetery, return the same way.
■ Visit the cemetery before 12 noon.
■ Days special commemoration deceased during the year:
Meat Saturday - Saturday in the ninth week before Easter;
Universal Parental Saturday - Saturday in the second week of Great Lent;
Universal Parental Saturday - Saturday in the third week of Lent;
Universal Parental Saturday - Saturday in the fourth week of Lent;
Radunitsa - Tuesday in the second week after Easter;
Trinity Saturday - Saturday in the seventh week after Easter;
Dmitrievskaya Saturday - Saturday in the third week after the Intercessions (14.10).
■ Exactly one year after the death, the family of the deceased is having a memorial meal ("please") - the 4th meal, which concludes the memorial family meal. It must be remembered that the living cannot be congratulated on their birthday in advance, and the final memorial table should be arranged either exactly one year later, or 1-3 days earlier.
■ On this day, you need to go to the temple and order a memorial service for the deceased, go to the cemetery - to visit the grave.
■ As soon as the last memorial meal is over, the family is again included in traditional scheme festive regulations of the national calendar, becomes a full member of the community, has the right to take part in any family celebrations, including playing weddings.
■ A memorial on a grave can only be erected one year after the death of a person. And you must remember Golden Rule folk culture: "Do not chap the land grazing Pakravou da Radaunschy." This means if the year of the deceased fell on the end of October, i.e. after the Intercessions (and for the entire subsequent period up to Radunitsa), the monument can be erected only in the spring, after Radunitsa.
■ After the monument is erected, a cross (usually made of wood) is placed next to the grave for another year, and then thrown away. It can also be buried under a flower garden or under a gravestone.
■ It is possible to marry (get married) after the death of one of the spouses only after a year. If a woman married a second time, then the new husband became the full owner-owner only after seven years.
■ If the spouses were married, then after the death of the husband, his wife took his ring, and if she did not marry again, then both wedding rings were placed in her coffin.
■ If the husband buried his wife, then her wedding ring remained with him, and after his death, both rings were placed in his coffin, so that when they met in the Kingdom of Heaven, they would say: “I brought our rings, with which the Lord God crowned us.
■ For three years, celebrate the birthday of the deceased and the day of his death. After this period, only the day of death and all annual church holidays commemoration of ancestors.
■ Not all of us know how to pray, let alone pray for the dead. Learn a few prayers that may help your soul find peace after an irreparable loss.
Death does not happen so often in our lives, so no one is ready for it. And because of strong feelings, it is very easy to admit some kind of tactlessness. Here simple rules which are easy to remember:
1. WHAT TO TELL ME TO THE RELATIVES OF THE DEAD?
Keep it short, don't make long speeches. "My condolences" is the best and most capacious phrase in which you will not get confused.
2. WHAT CANNOT BE SPEAKED?
3. DO I NEED TO WEAR BLACK?
No, it is not necessary. Dark blue, gray, or eggplant colors are also appropriate. T-shirts, shorts and other overly defiant outfits are inappropriate.
4. I HAVE HEARD IT'S INAPPROPRIATE TO BRING FLOWERS TO A JEWISH FUNERAL. IT'S RIGHT?
Yes it is. V different cultures different traditions, so before going to the funeral do “ homework", Study the question. As a last resort, keep an eye on others and do the same as people of your gender.
5. I WANT ANYTHING TO INCREASE THE FAMILY. WHAT IS POSSIBLE?
A postcard, flowers, food for the memorial table or money for funeral expenses, everything will be appropriate. But in order not to get into a mess, check the appropriateness of your gift with the funeral director, the person from the family of the deceased who organizes everything.
6. IS IT POSSIBLE TO TAKE CHILDREN TO A FUNERAL?
Yes, if they are old enough to endure the long ceremony without any whims. Be prepared to go out quickly with the children if need be.
7. I WILL MEET WITH RELATIVES WHICH I HAVE NOT SEEN FOR A LONG TIME. CAN I DO A COUPLE OF PHOTOS?
No, not worth it. No photos at the funeral, and even more so no publications on social networks. Unless you were invited specifically as a photographer.
8. I WOULD LIKE TO HELP THE FAMILY IN SOME WAY
They will be very busy and preoccupied. Therefore, instead of the sentence "if anything, rely on me" offer your help specifically: - I can take everyone to the airport - I will take care of the table - I can carry the coffin
Etc. Never promise what you can't deliver.
9. NO PHONES
Unplug it for the funeral. Be prepared to be asked to change seats to make room for close relatives. Don't tell funny stories or anecdotes without thinking twice about whether it's appropriate.
10. AFTER THE FUNERAL
After a while, visit your family, not necessarily in connection with memorial days. Show people with your visit that life goes on and that they are valuable to you even after the funeral.
