Mark Twain: quotes, aphorisms in English with translation. Mark Twain

I do not intend to spoil relations with either heaven or hell - I have friends in both places.

SEVERAL DATES

1835, November 30. In the village of Florida, Missouri, Samuel Clemens, the future writer Mark Twain, was born. “Florida then had a hundred inhabitants, and I increased the population by exactly one percent. Not every historical figure can boast that he did more for his hometown. "
1839. The Clemens move to the town of Hannibal.
1850. Samuel's first literary experiences in a local newspaper published by his brother Orion.
1853 – 1861. Samuel Clemens travels the country, works as a pilot on the Mississippi. "I am one of those who would give up literature at any moment to get back at the helm."
1862. Twain is a prospector in Nevada. "I used to work in gold mines and I know everything about gold mining, except for one thing: how to make money there."
1863. First correspondence signed by Mark Twain.
1867. Arrival to New York. Twain's first collection of short stories, The Famous Prancing Frog.
1869. Twain's book "The Coots Abroad" is a huge success.
1870. Marriage to Olivia Langdon. “I am so happy that I cannot recall the senselessly lost thirty years of my life without pain. If I had to go through life all over again, I would get married right away, without waiting for my teeth to cut through or when I learn to break dishes. "
1871. Twain moves to Hartford, Connecticut.
1876. "Adventures of Tom Sawyer".
1882. "Prince and the Pauper".
1885. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.
1889. "The Connecticut Yankees at the Court of King Arthur."
1895 – 1896. Traveling around the world with public readings - to pay off debts.
1907. Twain is an honorary doctorate from the University of Oxford. “I was born with Halley's comet. I would like to stay until her return and leave the mortal world with her. "
1910, April 24. Death of Mark Twain. In the sky, as at his birth, Halley's comet shone again.

MARK TWEEN ABOUT HIMSELF

I was born without teeth, and here Richard III has the advantage over me. But I was born without a hump, and here the advantage is on my side. My parents were poor - in moderation, and honest - also in moderation.

* * *

As far as I understand, you would like to get information from me about how I lied for the first time in my life and how I got out of this lie. I was born in 1835; now I am already many years old and my memory is not what it used to be. It would be better if you asked how and when I first told the truth, it would be much easier for me to answer this, since I remember these circumstances quite clearly. My family says it happened the week before last, but it's just flattery on their part.

* * *

One of Mark Twain's afternoon talks:
When I was a boy, I went to school where the use of birch twigs was not unusual. Writing on the desk was strictly forbidden, under the threat of a five-dollar fine or public flogging - your choice. Once I broke this law. My father decided that public spanking was too much of an ordeal for me, and gave me five dollars. In those days, five dollars was a lot, while flogging had little consequence; this is how ... - here Twain brushed the ashes off his cigar and continued, - ... this is how I earned my first five dollars.

* * *

My literary fate is very curious. I have never been able to lie so that they would not believe me; when I spoke the truth, no one wanted to believe me.

* * *

I have never kept my promise in my life. It is very likely that under the organ that gives me the ability promise space was allocated with such generosity that it was not enough for the organ that would give me the ability fulfill promises. But I'm not grieving. I do not tolerate half-heartedness in anything. I prefer one highly evolved ability to two ordinary ones.

* * *

I am a bumpkin from the provincial state of Missouri, who over the years turned into a Connecticut Yankee. Merged in me moral principles Missouri and Connecticut Culture. In my opinion, gentlemen, this perfect combination.

* * *

About the years when money was tight:
Need breeds courage. I have no doubt that if I had been offered at that time to translate the Talmud from Hebrew, I would have taken it - and at the same time I would have tried to introduce as much fiction into it as possible for the same money.

* * *

I could become a soldier if I wanted to. I've already mastered part of the craft: I know more about retreat than the man who invented retreat.

* * *

I have been awarded the Order of the Legion of Honor. However, very few people managed to avoid this difference.

* * *

I rarely saw a good opportunity before it ceased to be.

* * *

I have never done any physical exercise in my life, except for sleeping and lying on the couch.

* * *

I'm not lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that's simply because forty years ago I used up my limit. Everything has a limit!

* * *

At the 72nd year of life:
At two o'clock in the morning, I feel as old as everyone else. At this time, life in a person is barely flickering. At this hour, I am utterly sinful. Youth and courage return by six o'clock in the morning.

* * *

My books are water; books of great geniuses - wine. Everyone drinks water.

ABOUT ADAM AND EVE

Adam and Eve had many advantages over us, but most of all they were fortunate in that they avoided teething.

* * *

It must have been difficult for Adam and Eve to have a conversation: they had no one to gossip about.

* * *

If the snake was forbidden, Adam would eat it too.

* * *

It was good for Adam! If he happened to be successful in making a joke, he could be sure that he was not repeating old jokes.

* * *

Let us be grateful to Adam, our benefactor. He took from us the "blessing" of idleness and earned us the "curse" of labor.

* * *

Now I see that I was mistaken about Eve: it is better to live outside of paradise with her than without her - in paradise.

ABOUT AMERICA

About California during the "gold rush":
Anxious crowds of people scurried about the streets, work was in full swing everywhere, laughter, music, abuse was heard, people danced, quarreled, shot and cut each other, every evening for breakfast the newspapers served their readers a fresh corpse - murder and inquiry - in a word, everything was here. that brightens life.

* * *

Satan, turning to the stranger, irritably: “You Chicagoans imagine that you are the best here; but in reality there are simply more of you here. "

* * *

The most beautiful women whom we met in France were born and raised in America.

* * *

Although we are skeptical Democrats, we choke with happiness when the Duke sees us; and when the monarch notices us, we suffer from a softening of the brain to the end of our days. We try our best to keep silent about these priceless meetings, and sometimes some of us manage to keep our dukes and monarchs to ourselves; it costs us a lot of work, but sometimes we succeed.
As for me, I have trained so diligently and persistently in this form of self-denial that today I can calmly and indifferently observe how an American returning from Europe casually and gratefully imitates the counts with whom he met; I can observe silently and serenely, without trying to bring him out into fresh water and force him to reveal his cards, although I myself have three kings and a couple of emperors hidden just in case.

* * *

October 12 is America's Discovery Day. It's great that America was discovered, but it would be much more wonderful if Columbus sailed by.

ABOUT THE BIBLE

When you read the Bible, you are more amazed at God's ignorance than at his omniscience.

* * *

Man was created on the last day of creation, when God was already tired.

* * *

The Lord, having created the world, confessed that he was pleased with it. I was also pleased with my first creation. But time overturns such hasty conclusions. It must be assumed that now he rates his work no higher than I do my "Simpletons Abroad". After all, it is a fact that there is too much water here and there.

* * *

It often seems to me that it would be better for Noah and his crew to be late for their ark.

* * *

If I lived at the beginning of the world, I would first listen to what the neighbors say about the murder of Abel, before loudly condemning Cain.

* * *

Methuselah lived for 969 years. You, dear boys and girls, will see more in the next ten years than Methuselah has seen in his entire life.

* * *

The trouble with providence: very often you wonder who, in fact, it favors? An example is the case with children, bears and the prophet: the bears got more pleasure than the prophet, because they got the children.
(I meant the following passage in the Bible: “When he [the prophet Elisha] was walking along the road, little children went out of the city, and mocked him, and said to him: go, bald head! Go bald head! He looked back and saw them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two bears came out of the forest, and tore forty-two of them to pieces. ")

* * *

No other books generate such income as the Bible, and even obscene books, or rather, other obscene books.

* * *

To this day, I still have a feeling of bitterness towards those who were called to guard my young years, and instead not only allowed me, but made me read from the first to the last page the full text of the Bible even before I was fifteen years old. ... After this, not a single person until the end of his days can be cleansed of sinful thoughts.

* * *

The old biblical God had a business savvy. As soon as it came to cash pieces of silver, he immediately stopped official chatter (piety, high feelings, mercy) and got down to business. The ringing of silver coins and the calculation of income is the leitmotif of the Bible.

* * *

Even from what is said in the Gospel, it is clear that the devil was simple-minded. He led Christ to a high mountain, he promised him the possession of the whole world, if he submitted to him. This was a ridiculous proposal. First, Christ, since he was the son of God, already owned the whole world. Secondly, what the devil could show him from the mountain was not the whole world, but several acres of rocky land in Palestine. You might as well try to seduce Rockefeller, the owner of the Standard Oil Company, with a gallon of kerosene.

* * *

God is fierce in Old Testament and charming in the New - Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of the sacred romance.

ABOUT AGE

Better to be a young dung beetle than an old bird of paradise.

* * *

What human life? First third - good time; the rest is a memory of him.

* * *

Everything in the world is turned upside down. Life should have begun as an old man, possessing all the advantages of old age - position, experience, wealth - and ended as a young man who can enjoy all this so brilliantly. And now the world is arranged in such a way that in your youth, when the account does not have the pleasures that you get for a single dollar, you do not have this dollar. In old age, you have a dollar, but there is nothing that you would like to buy with it.

* * *

Mrs H.'s husband, ninety-two years old, fell and broke his nose. Mrs H. fears that this could disfigure him for life.

* * *

Wrinkles should only be traces of past smiles.

* * *

What to do with the person who was the first to celebrate his birthday? Killing is not enough.

* * *

It's a shame that you can't escape life when we are young.

* * *

In 1880, Twain received a letter from a Texas schoolboy, who, on the topic set at school: "What great person would you like to be?", Wrote that he would like to become Mark Twain. Now he was asking the writer if he would like, if it were possible, to become an ordinary boy? Twain answered yes. But under some conditions. First, he must "remain a pilot forever."
Second, “let the summer be forever, the magnolias bloom on Raffle Point, and the reeds on the sugar plantations turn green. Let me not have to get up on watch at midnight, well, except when full moon; may there always be high water, and the steamer glides along the river like a duck on a pond, may there be friends nearby, and we will chat all day long, smoking and saluting the oncoming ships. Let the voyage be long, and the stops short, and let the team be the same all the time, which I myself selected from the guys with whom I was living twenty years ago - only the trouble is, half of them are no longer in the world, and others are scattered across the country, and the wreckage of my steamer has long been rotting at the bottom of the bend near New Madrid, Missouri. "

ABOUT UPBRINGING AND EDUCATION

Parenting is everything. Peach has been a bitter almond in the past; cauliflower is nothing more than a college-educated common cabbage.

* * *

Good upbringing is the ability to hide that you have a very high opinion of yourself and a very low opinion of your interlocutor.

* * *

Good manners are the organized defense of mature people from youth.

* * *

I have never allowed my schoolwork to interfere with my education.

* * *

First, God created idiots - just for practice. Then he created school mentors.

* * *

Anyone who does not read good books has no advantage over someone who does not know how to read them.

* * *

Mark Twain gave a keynote speech at the high school graduation meeting. Then one of the students was presented with the award - "Webster's Great Dictionary."
“This is a very interesting and useful book, son,” Twain said. - I turned to her often, but I still did not understand what the essence of this story was.

* * *

For a long time I have a grudge against people who bring foreign texts and do not immediately explain them with translation. If the author hopes that I will figure it out myself, then, of course, he flatters my pride, but let him take care of the translation better, and I will, so be it, compromise my pride.

* * *

What a naked, cold iceberg - purely intellectual greatness!

* * *

The information that the ancients did not have was very extensive.

* * *

I was glad that I could give an answer immediately. And so I did. I said I didn't know.

* * *

His ignorance covered the whole earth like a blanket, and you would not find a single hole in him.

ABOUT DRINK

Do not miss an opportunity to do good - if it does not threaten you with great harm. Don't miss out on a drink - under no circumstances.

* * *

John Wagner is the oldest resident of Buffalo. He is 104 years old, and in his entire life he has not drunk a drop of alcohol, except for whiskey.

* * *

Water consumed in moderation has not hurt anyone yet.

* * *

Having switched to a sober lifestyle, you suddenly notice that you are drunk as an insole from the smell of vodka cork.

* * *

The chant of abstinence cannot make bad whiskey good, but it can improve its taste.

* * *

They gave a lecture about sobriety, but they helped out such pennies that even a drink was not enough.

* * *

A stranger came to the city where the dry law was in force. He was told that alcohol is sold only at the pharmacy. He ran to the pharmacy.
- Without a prescription, I can only sell alcohol when bitten by a snake, - explained the pharmacist
- Well, where is the snake here?
The pharmacist gave him the address. Very soon the visitor came back:
- For God's sake, give me a drink! This snake is busy for six months in advance!

* * *

The sight of a drunk will certainly bring to mind some other story with a drunk.

* * *

He returned home from the club at two in the morning. He was cheerful and light, and the house swayed, swayed, swayed so. He waited until the porch steps approached him and deftly jumped up. And the house swayed, swayed, swayed. He did not take his eyes off the door, and when it got in his way, he quickly dived and found himself at the stairs leading to the second floor. Then he got on all fours and crawled upstairs, but the house was unstable and it was difficult to crawl. He lost his balance, rolled down the stairs and sat on the bottom step, holding on tightly to the railing.
"God," he thought, "what is it like for the poor sailors on such a night!"

* * *

He said that he had enough whiskey for two drinking and one delirium tremens.

* * *

Once in a lifetime, Fortune knocks on the door of every person, but at this time a person often sits in the nearest pub and does not hear any knocking.

ABOUT STUPIDITY AND SMART

A person will never reach such dizzying heights of wisdom that he cannot be held by the nose.

* * *

I must have a tremendous stock of mind: it sometimes takes a whole week to give them a boost.

* * *

From The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn:
Aren't all the fools in town on our side? And aren't they the overwhelming majority in any city?

* * *

Mockers, even the most mediocre and stupid, can ruin any character, even the most beautiful and noble one. Take the donkey for example: his character is almost impeccable, and this is a storehouse of intelligence next to other ordinary animals, but look what ridicule was done to him. Instead of feeling flattered when they call us donkeys, we feel doubt.

* * *

In South Carolina, the only talk is that about a pig that appeared there with human head... That's unprecedented, just think!

* * *

He was naturally endowed with an amount of foolishness that would be enough to girdle four times Earth and tie a knot.

* * *

The right to stupidity is one of the guarantees of the free development of the individual.

* * *

God keeps fools and children, the proverb says. This is absolutely true. I know this because I tested it on myself.

ABOUT HOTELS

To each his own. Saint Francis of Assisi said: "Every saint will be able to perform a miracle, but not everyone will be able to decently manage a hotel."

* * *

It is fashionable in New England to give hotels Native American names - not because the late savages were knowledgeable of the hotel business, but because warlike Native American nicknames so strongly affect the imagination of a traveler who humbly pleads for a night's lodging that he is grateful to a kind and generous employee, if he let him go without removing the scalp from him.

* * *

It was once a good hotel, but I was once good boy.

* * *

Twain once lived in a hotel room with very thin walls.
“The partitions are so thin,” he remarked, “that you can hear the lady’s brains stirring in the next room.

* * *

Twain stayed at a Canadian hotel. The last entry in the visitors' book read: "Richard Harding Davies - with the valet."
Twain, in turn, wrote: "Mark Twain - with a suitcase."

ABOUT MONEY

The rich can have any principles.

* * *

Few of us can bear the burden of wealth. Of course, a stranger.

* * *

The rich don't care about anyone but themselves; only the poor sympathize with the poor and help them.

* * *

The Italian king has increased the annual salary of his soldiers by three and a half dollars. They used to get seven. But will they really be happier than when they were poor?

* * *

If everyone were rich, then everyone would be poor.

* * *

A banker is a person who will lend you an umbrella in sunny weather and take it away the very moment it starts raining.

* * *

You should refrain from speculation on the stock exchange in two cases: if you do not have funds and if you have them.

* * *

October is one of the most dangerous months of the year for trading on the stock exchange. The rest of the dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

* * *

The fool said, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" - in other words: spray your interests and money! And the sage said: "Put all your eggs in one basket, but ... TAKE CARE OF THE BASKET!"

* * *

A simple way to save money: when you are overwhelmed with the desire to immediately donate money to some charity, do not rush: count to forty - you will save half of the money; count to sixty - you save three quarters; count to sixty-five and you keep everything.

* * *

Let's not be too picky. It is better to have old, second-hand diamonds than none.

* * *

When I first saw St. Louis, I could have bought it for six million dollars, and not doing it was a mistake in my life. It was sad now to look at this huge city, at its bell towers and domes, at the innumerable heaps of stone and cement, going on both sides into a vague immeasurable distance, and remember that I had missed such an opportunity. Why I missed it - now at first glance it seems both incomprehensible and ridiculous, but at that time there were reasons that justified this act.

* * *

A year ago, I was a virtuous person. Now that I am confronted with New York morals, I have no more conscience than a millionaire.

* * *

Actually, I'm against millionaires, but if I were offered to become ...

ABOUT THE VIRTUES OF PERMANENCY

Good children and adults always have to get their work done. In the old days, when little boys were always good little boys, a worker happened to hammer a cartridge into a rock. The cartridge exploded ahead of schedule, and the worker flew into the air. He flew higher and higher, became smaller and smaller, until he completely disappeared from view. But then he appeared again; at first he seemed the size of a bird, then a kitten, then a dog, then a child, and finally he sank to his old place and continued to work as if nothing had happened - this is constancy. It is the secret of success.
True, the owner did not appreciate his worker properly and, when paying him his salary, deducted the fifteen minutes that the worker spent in the air.

ABOUT FRIENDSHIP

A true friend is with you when you're wrong. When you're right, everyone will be with you.

* * *

Friendship is such a sacred, sweet, lasting and constant feeling that it can be preserved for a lifetime, unless, of course, you try to ask for a loan.

* * *

It is easy to call a person wise, much more difficult to convince his friends of this.

* * *

If you need money, go to strangers; if you need advice, go to your friends; and if you don't need anything, go to your relatives.

* * *

There is one old toast, remarkable for its beauty: "When you climb to the top of success, may you not meet your friend."

* * *

Your enemy and your friend work together to strike you in the very heart: one says nasty things about you, the other gives you his words.

* * *

Good friends, good books and a sleeping conscience is the ideal life.

ABOUT DUELS

I strongly discourage dueling. I think they are stupid and I know they are dangerous. They are also sinful. If now someone challenged me to a duel, I would affectionately, brotherly take him by the hand, and lead him to a quiet secluded place, and killed his.

* * *

French duel - most useful view recreation as it takes place outdoors; French duelists are the only people on earth who can count on immortality.

* * *

About German student duelists:
If you see a German with a disfigured face, you can never be sure whether he was mutilated in the war or simply received higher education.

* * *

In 1864, Twain had to shoot Laird, the owner of a rival newspaper, and before the duel decided to practice shooting under the direction of his second Steve Gillis. Twain never hit the target.
“Just at that moment,” he says, “a small bird, no larger than a sparrow, flew past and sat down on a wormwood bush, thirty yards away. Steve drew his revolver and shot her head off. At the same time, the Laird and his company appeared from around the corner. When Laird's second saw this bird with its head shot off, he turned pale and, as one could see, was agitated.
He asked:
- Who shot that?
Before I could open my mouth, Steve said in a calm, businesslike tone:
- This is Clemens.
The second said:
- Well, amazing! And was the bird far away?
Steve replied:
“No, not really — thirty yards away.
The second said:
- Y-yes, surprisingly apt. And how often does he get it?
Steve replied languidly:
- Oh, four times out of five!
The second said:
- Yes, amazing accuracy! And I thought that he would not even get into church.
I marveled at his insight, but said nothing. They immediately said goodbye. The second took Laird home, who was not quite firmly on his feet, and Laird soon sent me a note in his own hand that he would not agree with me to shoot on any terms.
If the duel had taken place, he would have riddled my skin so that no principles would have been retained in it. "

ABOUT FOOD

A true southern watermelon is a special gift from nature and should not be mixed with any ordinary gift. Taste it, and you will understand what angels eat. Eve didn’t taste the watermelon, no, we know that for sure: she repented.

End of free trial snippet

I slept well, I can start))
Spain, Andalusia, Malaga, Costa del Sol, Me and Flamenco!
I need to confess something to you, I don’t want misunderstandings and misunderstandings between us, I don’t want to deceive you:
- I did not read books at all, the nights were busy with feria or blackouts after it. (except for Boryspil airport, where I sat for 5 hours and opened it a couple of times yawning, looking at the letters)
So, from the heartbreaking confessions back to the narrative:
After I was on an excursion in Vienna, and ran all day for the guide trying to catch up with him, without really looking or recognizing anything, spending time walking along the route imposed on me, and almost crying with frustration, because I so wanted to sit somewhere in a cozy cafe overlooking the city, to listen to the noise, and maybe the music of this city with a cup of coffee, I swore that it wouldn’t be this way again. I want freedom, I didn’t go on a trip to be within the framework of someone’s vision of the world. The wonderful city of Vienna became uninteresting for me, an ordinary meaningless photo in the album of marks “I've been here” - and all because I approached it the wrong way. That is why I want to study the planet Earth myself, and not with a teacher of geography and history, I am already an adult girl, I can read, both written and hidden meaning. Spain was the first dream on my free list. I dreamed that one day I would go to study flamenco dance there, and at the same time Spain and its inhabitants.
And now, it happened when it came!
I got to learn flamenco dance during the big city festival Feria de M; laga, which lasts from August 12 to August 19. This holiday is practically the most important of the year. Especially for this, a huge festival town is being built in the city, which consists of a mega amusement park, all kinds of attractions, carousels, restaurants and a town of tents where flamenco performances and other national festivals take place. And our organizers made us a trip to this city of wonders, but more on that later.
On this trip, I have everything for the first time.
Primera vez.
For the first time, I'm traveling without a visa with a brand new passport, the ticket is expensive and if they don't let me in, it will be a shame. For the first time I fly by plane, and I go to Borispol in an autolux. Now I know what toilets look like on airplanes and buses. (Valuable knowledge, I am finishing my story, because further you can no longer fly and write))
What difficulties awaited me on the trip:
1. I am driving absolutely alone. Without a company to pass the time with while waiting, or seek support in the event of unexpected obstacles. In Spain I have no friends or acquaintances, but this is fixable. They just don't know about my existence yet. Ola, guys - I'm going! I am your new friend!
2. I don’t know languages other than Spanish, not English. I will communicate through the astral plane.
3. Everything is new for me: I have never flown (another phobia), the airport seems to me like a maze from a horror movie, where around the corner, frightening customs, border guards and other fantastic and terrible characters await me.
4. I absolutely do not know how to use cards, withdraw money from an ATM. I eat money and make the main purchases by my husband. Yes I happy woman.
5. Besides being a happy woman, I am a woman from another planet, the planet of autism. I see it a little differently. I don’t remember names, I don’t remember faces. People for me associate with the place where I communicated with them, or with clothes or an event. That is, for example, having been in the gym with a person for years, communicating with him, I may not recognize him on the street. In life, this gives me certain inconveniences and even insults to people. But this is my peculiarity.
6. In order to comprehend the necessary information, I need to stick with a blunt face into the nearest wall or floor for a long time (just like house cats do in an unfamiliar situation, or when they get into another space - they cuddle up against the walls or the floor and run until the wall ends) ... So, and while my eyes and brain will not calm down, and will not give a command to the body that everything is normal, this environment is not aggressive, you can breathe on this planet - I will internally panicky run around my brain, winding meaningless circles there. And there may not be time to run, and this is a problem.
7. Costa del Sol is an elite resort and he made a choice - me, at a time when funds are limited. But what can I do about it - it's not me, it's his fault.
These are the things ... But, how will I figure it out in the course of the play. Moreover, there is a huge plus in these courses - Victoria, a Russian-speaking girl who also deals with organizational issues. There will be someone to cry on the shoulder. Oh, Victoria, I don't envy you! I'm already flying to you.
On the bus of Autolux I started watching the film "Trainee" or "Intern". Didn't finish watching, but got interesting phrase: "You can't go wrong if you do the right thing" Mark Twain. I need to watch this film, I really liked the beginning.
I passed the border everywhere with ease, without any difficulties with my brand new passport. Neither an invitation nor a hotel reservation was needed, they didn’t bother me at all and didn’t ask about anything, or rather, they asked, but I didn’t understand them, but only smiled and clapped my eyelashes. Although no, I confidently answered all the questions “tourism” (even if they asked me about the weather), and then I flapped my eyelashes uncertainly, let them figure it out, it's their job, not mine. Looking into my empty, silent eyes, they simply invited me to go further, further, further, and so on to Malaga itself. Probably crossed herself behind my back that died. Do not relax too much, I will still go home.
My air ticket has a priority mark, and I like a white man passed without queues. This service, when I bought a ticket, cost a couple of dollars, and to walk like that - I took it, all the more it was possible thanks to this to return a ticket, reschedule a flight, and more). The most interesting thing is that having bought tickets in April, I immediately forgot the dates of the rally, what can I say about what was included in its cost. Why keep extra information? And already at the airport, when I stood in a long queue, I saw two entrances, one of which was labeled priority, and wondered what it was for. A couple of people came up to the priority entrance and important species instantly passed registration, as well as on the plane, etc. “probably some important people maybe the airport workers, ”I thought. And while I was thinking about new information, a creeping line ran through my brain "... you know this word ... you know this word ... and again for Tanya: you know this word." And then, when they unobtrusively scrolled a line in my head twenty times, it dawned on me: this is how SKYPRIORITY is written on my ticket. Just in case, having said in the queue that I might be back, I hesitantly approached the aisle with this name and silently handed my ticket, they babbled something in English (to which they received the answer "tourism") and asked to pass with a smile. I went further, looking at the abandoned line with an apologetic look that said:
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I'm not coming back. I am now in the highest caste. Ha, ha, ha!
KLM took care of me at all, sending Facebook messages all the way:
“Check-in has started: get your boarding pass! See you on board. (And a smiley). " So cute, kept me company so that I would not feel lonely.
The plane turned out to be unexpectedly small with narrow seats, I imagined it more. My seat was near the window. Wow, how pleasantly scary! The takeoff is breathtaking, but from the ascent to the altitude, my breath stopped and my ears were blocked. Now I can tick the box: the fear of flying has been overcome! Now you can think about skydiving.
Royal Dutch Airlines (KLM) is a Dutch airline and this is a fairly comfortable flight, although I have nothing to compare with. On board, twice two hours before Amsterdam and twice three hours before Malaga, we were fed a delicious sandwich and a cake with drinks. Everything is very nice. Already when I returned home, at the Boryspil airport, I learned that it was possible to drink wine, this was also included in the ticket price. Eh, if I knew about this earlier. Although, maybe, Thank God, otherwise I can never stop half way.
So she might not have recognized Malaga ...
In the porthole, there was magic. By the way, as it seems to me, this is the most comfortable spot on the plane - no one will bother you with going to the toilet, you can lean against the wall and sleep, but I had no time for that. How strange it is, I am above the Earth, above the clouds in an amazing and complex mechanism that weighs tons, but does not fall down. And the clouds are so beautiful! We fly over slowly floating clouds, and under them is visible the earth lined with multi-colored patterns, here, at the top, a completely different world, probably this is how God sees us.
In the middle of the flight, it became cold, and the legs were very cold. There is frost on the window. It's good that I had a shawl with me. Although, what is the fleeting cold and inconvenience to me when everything in my soul is aflame with happiness? Flying is magic. People are accustomed to miracles, they accept them as a matter of routine, but this is miraculous, miraculous!
I had a little less than two hours to transfer in Amsterdam, and at the beginning of the flight it seemed to me that there was too little time. But when our plane was 45 minutes late, I realized that two hours was a zero! I galloped through the Amsterdam airport to my gate in about fifteen minutes, so there was still time left. Signs, information boards are understandable, I didn't have to rack my brains. My fears of living at the airport like Tom Hanks in The Terminal didn't come true. Maybe a shame, the airport in Amsterdam is pretty.
I stand at the gate (entrance to the plane) to land the plane like some kind of criminal, they checked me for aviation security, and passport control, but I could not find the customs office. What if they take me off the plane because of this? The online translator, which I was counting on, also does not work, I connected to the Wi-Fi, wrote the text quickly and went to all the airport workers, pester them, showing my nonsense with the question “Have I gone through everything?”. And they explained to me with gestures that this was all, there was no need to go through anything else. But I didn't give up and went to get the next ones, just the previous ones are not competent)). In short, I am sitting on the plane, and I read the text that I showed them, and there is complete nonsense: “I went through auto-safety,” not an avio, but an auto (the phone corrected ) and then the same set of untranslatable words with extra letters or their absence. You need to learn the language, and it's funny and embarrassing. And yet, while I was terrorizing the entire huge Amsterdam airport with stupid questions, I probably felt an urge to go to the toilet because of my worries, and this was a liberation for everyone, except for those who were in the closet. I confused the men's and women's toilet, my thoughts were busy with customs, so the presence of men did not bother me at all. A dozen stunned male Europeans (dressed) stared at me not knowing how to react, maybe equality and tolerance are already acting on this closed territory, or maybe I'm a man with certain inclinations? After I washed my hands, and found next to me frozen pretty Europeans of the wrong gender, I had to play to the end, looking them over with a business look, I went to drying my hands and dried them, proudly came out, as it will be that's how it should be. Damn fly, how I love myself! There was also a thought to have fun and do something like a kid (I don't like this word), but why scare such cute, intelligent little men, just a dose of my presence is enough for them.
I got on a plane from Amsterdam to Malaga, with me there are only Europeans and a couple of Americans, all sleek, smiling, satisfied with life and very endearing to themselves. I really like people who smile just like that, I also smiled, looking at them. It must be contagious. Come on, infect me with your optimistic sores!
Comparing my persona with them, a little inside my doubts, I felt like a poor relative from a deep province, which flies to the elite resort of Costa Del Sol, to have a rest - selling corn. But all this is temporary, soon they will fly to us in Ukraine, as to an elite resort. After all, Ukraine is a wonderful country with mountains, sea, steppe, history and warm, kind people.
More about the plane, it's prettier here, cleaner.
And here are my compatriots, or former compatriots, I recognize them immediately by the expressions of worried faces, and then by their speech, voice. But let's not forget - they fly to Spain, and she relaxes them anyway, they will fly back with a blissful smile on her face and with an endless fiesta in a relaxed body.
My legs are numb, I want to walk, squat. Went to check the toilet, just on a tour. The toilet is small on the plane, how are they in it, in films, fighting, killing each other or having sex? It can only be used by direct appointment, and even then with difficulty.
It is somehow not correct to end the fast with a toilet, but this is the truth of life))
ps I really want you to smile.
Arriving in Malaga, I went to meet my luggage on a tape with a number that indicated the scoreboard according to my flight. I'm already an advanced airport user.
The suitcases were sorted out like hotcakes, but mine is not.
In the end, I stayed near the tape and ten more people. The tape has stopped, we are waiting, but nothing happens, no announcement, no baggage. I went and looked at the scoreboard, the information is still the same. There was a problem, I don't know the language, I connected to wi-fi, but there is no Internet. For some reason, the offline translator does not work either (already in Spain I deleted it and uploaded a new one).
I go up to the airport workers and explain the situation on my fingers. In response, they silently wrote to me on sheet 31-34. Okay, okay, great ad. What if I hadn't asked? And more precisely in any way? You need to go further and search from 31 to 34.
I'm going there, the hall is full of people, four ribbons, a million suitcases are going around all of them, what am I going to be here until morning? Having taken a position in the center of the beginning of the hunt, you will not believe it, after three minutes I see that my own little suitcase is on its way. But at the beginning of the tape, some guy confidently removes it. But this is definitely my suitcase, I got excited, and already prepared to go to it and explain myself. How I hate it, pulling the hair, scratching, biting. But, turning the suitcase in his hands, he put it back on the tape in time. Hooray! I will have things!
- Hello dear! - we hugged with a suitcase - I won't give you to anyone! You have a boiler in you, and without coffee I'm a zombie.
Customs inspection took a few seconds, only the suitcase drove along the tape for inspection and I'm in Malaga! The border guards, or I don’t know what these officers are called, did a search in Spanish from head to toe, examining me with a playful look. As cute as strippers disguised as cops. Something was asked in Spanish. Why are these unnecessary preludes? The question still passed through me into the universe, and dissolved in a vacuum of incomprehension to the accompaniment of my musical hum. They smiled, once again examined me from head to toe, somehow not in an official manner, and let me go with God.
I checked them out too, handsome guys.
Antonio met me with a sign. In Spanish, he greeted me cheek to cheek kisses twice, like an old acquaintance. Antonio is very sociable and charming, at first glance disposed to himself. If the Spaniards are all like that, then I already like Spain.
The transfer organized by our course cost me 10 euros, I would spend all 30 on a taxi, and with buses, two transfers were necessary (1.3 + 1.3 euros), and even puzzling over where the stops are, lugging around with suitcases, etc. .d.
In general, a transfer is
very good, Muy bien, sehr gut!
During my entire stay in Malaga, I used buses only twice, when I was completely tortured and after shopping with large bags. I bought a ticket right on the bus for 1.3 euros. It was possible to buy a card for 10 trips, cheaper, but I understood that there was no need for me. I live 4-5 km from the beach, just like in Odessa from Arcadia. As if nothing has changed, only palm trees instead of plane trees and acacias.
Acquaintance with Victoria
was colorful, and ended with fireworks in the literal sense. She gave me a very busy first day, it turned out just fireworks, a real holiday. And the first thing that happened to me in Spain was bullfighting. I really wanted to get to her and wrote this to Victoria in the correspondence, she threw off the site on which ticket prices started from 35 euros. It's a little expensive. But in Malaga, she said that today the bullfight is free, the final between juniors. And that was great news. Before the bullfight, we agreed with Victoria to meet at the end of the park, which I already knew as my own, on the Google map.
The park is a separate topic, it was recaptured from the sea. How? I'll need to read it when I get there. When I entered it, in the center of the city I found myself in a real jungle, an exotic world of palm trees and all kinds of exotic plants, very loud parrots, fountains, bright colors and stunning, sweet smells. Having reached the end of the alley, she almost went deaf from bird trills and did not go crazy from magical aromas. There was only one thought about allergy pills, because everything was hyper-loud and hyper-smelling.
I just didn’t know what all this was.
Victoria arrived on a bicycle and, attaching it to the first pole that came across with an unreliable cord, she blithely led me into the arena. I asked:
- Will they steal the bike?
But it turned out that bicycles are not stolen in Malaga. On the streets, mopeds are frivolously left, large, cars with open windows. Happy people!
Gente feliz!
Feliz dia!
Estoy feliz!

What do you think about these words of Mark Twain?

You can never go wrong if you do the right thing. Mark Twain

I heard this phrase for the first time in the film "Trainee" and it caused me resistance and a lot of reflections. I thought: “How so! After all, there is no “right”, just as there is no “norm”. Everything in this life is subjective, much in our consciousness is laid down by culture. How can you use such powerful words! How can you be so categorical! After all, if it is correct, it means that someone is deliberately committing "wrong actions." But the same decision may be right for a person, but wrong for others ?! You can not do it this way! It is impossible to do the right thing! "

This is just an approximate description of my thoughts, at the level of emotions I felt tension and resistance, my soul seemed to be screaming: “This is not true! It can't be! "

And, of course, noticing such strong emotions, I turned to myself with questions: “What was it that caught me so hooked in this phrase? Why hasn't it gone out of my head for a week ... two ... a month? Why did this phrase come into my life? "

Gradually, I found answers to these questions for myself. I have accepted that in life there are laws on which it is necessary to rely, that there is something stable and fundamental, which is the very "right". It would seem that I knew this before: it was for nothing that the years of training in psychology have passed for nothing ?! Only the question was not in knowledge, but in admitting to oneself in excessive tolerance and worship of subjectivism; in the feeling that there is still "black and white" in life, and not just "gray shades" *.

But what then is this correct foundation, on which everything should be built ?! I will assume that this foundation is myself (well, again, no great discoveries). Probably, every person in the depths of his soul always knows what will be right in accordance with his principles, values and needs. But together with "right" there is a parallel "must". And just this confrontation caused discomfort in me, because “must” is for family and others, for prestige and status, to maintain my own mask and avoid my own fears. And “right” is for me, for my comfort and inner harmony.

What is interesting "right" from the standpoint of society is not always logical and can lead to external negative consequences for me. For example, I made a big mistake at work, but no one realized that it was me. The consequences turned out to be deplorable, the leadership is vomiting and scurrying, looking for the culprit, throwing accusations at everyone in a row. Only in an amazing way, suspicion does not even fall on me. I feel that it is “right” for me to confess everything, as the feeling of guilt and injustice gnaws at me. I realize that I can be fired, deprived of my bonus, I can fall under the "disfavor" of the leadership. But my heart / soul / gut (choose what you want) says: "It will be right to confess!" So I must confess.

I think Mark Twain's quote is about this: we always know what will be “right” according to our life principles, values and needs, and by doing the “right” we always win, despite the external consequences. And we are mistaken just when we close our eyes to our own “right” and act from other motives, for example, “must” (although this is not the only possible alternative).

Probably, after reading these lines, some of you will think that I have not discovered anything new. For the world, perhaps. For myself, I learned from experience the difference between intellectual knowledge, which fits in the head, but, in fact, changes little, and sensual experience, which is imprinted on the heart and changes absolutely everything.

* Some, on the contrary, find it difficult to recognize the presence of gray shades. But that's a completely different story! "

You can never go wrong if you do the right thing. Mark Twain

I heard this phrase for the first time in the film "Trainee" and it caused me resistance and a lot of reflections. I thought: "How so! After all, there is no “right”, just as there is no “norm”. Everything in this life is subjective, much in our consciousness is laid down by culture. How can you use such powerful words! How can you be so categorical! After all, if it is correct, it means that someone is deliberately committing "wrong actions." But the same decision may be right for a person, but wrong for others ?! You can not do it this way! It is impossible to do the right thing! "

This is just an approximate description of my thoughts, at the level of emotions I felt tension and resistance, my soul seemed to be screaming: "It is not true! It can't be! "

And, of course, noticing such strong emotions, I turned to myself with questions: “What got me so hooked in this phrase? Why hasn't it gone out of my head for a week ... two ... a month? Why did this phrase come into my life? "

But what, then, is this correct foundation on which everything should be built ?! I will assume that this foundation is myself (well, again, no great discoveries). Probably, every person in the depths of his soul always knows what will be right in accordance with his principles, values and needs. But together with "right" there is a parallel "must". And just this confrontation caused discomfort in me, because “must” is for family and others, for prestige and status, to maintain my own mask and avoid my own fears. And “right” is for me, for my comfort and inner harmony.

* Some, on the contrary, find it difficult to recognize the presence of gray shades. But that's a completely different story! "