How to accept life and reconcile. How to understand what is better to accept and what to change

Ecology of life: The Greek philosopher Epictetus said over 2000 years ago: "People are not concerned with things (that happen to them), but with the principles and opinions they form about these things." Modern behavioral science also agrees with this. The American psychologist Albert Ellis proved that the way people react to events is mainly determined by their perception of events, and not by the events themselves.

Our mind is the real battlefield. Which side of the battle will you be on? The choice is yours.Sometimes it is impossible to change the circumstances in one of the moments of our lives. You cannot change jobs. You cannot force someone to reconsider their point of view. And you certainly cannot erase the past.

So what are the options?

Change your perception, belief, or opinion about your circumstances. This will help you change your attitude and ultimately allow you to move beyond the internal struggles that you cannot control.

The Greek philosopher Epictetus said over 2,000 years ago:

"People are not concerned with things (that happen to them) but with the principles and opinions they form about these things."

Modern behavioral science also agrees with this. The American psychologist Albert Ellis proved that the way people react to events is mainly determined by their perception of events, and not by the events themselves.

Do not know how to change your perception of things - and improve your attitude towards them? Here are 7 easy ways to get started.

1. Leave your thoughts alone

In order to gain conscious control over what goes on in your mind, you need to learn to understand this process. Stop for a moment, take a deep breath and clear your mind of all the empty talk that is going on inside and around you. This will give you the opportunity to change your state, open to something new.

Take a break even if you don't have time. Yes, everyone has problems that need to be solved, urgently, goals that need to be achieved. But sometimes you need to take a break from it all. It's perfectly fine to stop and let the world go on without you for a while.

If you don't, you will burn yourself. You must take a breath, be alone with yourself, focus your attention on inner desires, so you get time for your recovery and harmony of body and mind.

2. Change focus

Redirect your attention to positive thoughts and emotions. It's time to voluntarily give up what drains you and replace it with what inspires you. Focus on the next important and meaningful step. There are no hopeless situations; there are only people who have become hopeless about them.

Keep your hope through positive thinking. Don't let pain make you despair. Don't let negativity drain your vitality. Use your energy to move forward. Change your thoughts and you will change your reality.

Our thoughts are the creators of our mood and will. That is why we must carefully examine them and select only those that will help to realize our most cherished desires and build the perfect life we dream of.

3. Stop Worrying and Find Peace Within Yourself

Realize that somewhere within us all there is a higher self that is constantly at peace. Inner world does not depend on external conditions; that's what's left when you leave your ego and stop worrying. You can find peace within yourself anytime, anywhere. He is always patiently waiting for you to turn your attention to him.

Peace comes the moment you come to peace with what's on your mind. It happens when you let go of the need to be where you are physically and emotionally. This order of things creates the basis for inner harmony.

The need to be different is just a worry that keeps you in a circle of doubt. Your inner self always craves peace, so achieving balance and harmony is much easier than you think.

4. Thank

Thank the Universe for what you have and for what you do not have, but you really want it. Don't worry about not getting what you want. Think that you have many opportunities and strength to make your dreams come true and be grateful for it.

We are part of the universe. Life will always be imperfect. Realize it and accept it. When you realize something, you grow and develop. You can be happy and sad at the same time, hungry and grateful, nervous and excited, just accept it.

5. Transform your struggle into growth

Remember that happiness, passion or success is unlikely to come without a struggle. If the road seems easy to you, then most likely this is the wrong path. Everything that happens helps you grow, even if it's hard to understand at that moment.

Circumstances will guide, correct, and improve you throughout your life. Sometimes they will lead you astray. There will be times when you want to give up. And you may feel like you will be stuck in failure forever.

But in reality, you are stronger than this and will cope with any obstacles. Sometimes you just need to go through incredible difficulties in order to reach the heights. Thus, when you encounter your greatest resistance, then you will get as close as possible to your goal.

6. The end is the beginning of something new

Everything in life comes to an end. It is important to realize and accept the end of a stage in life that has reached its logical conclusion. Close the doors, turn the page and move on. It doesn't matter what you call it; the important thing is that you leave it in the past, where it belongs.

Now you can enjoy life and breathe to the fullest. The end of a stage in life is not the end of the whole life. This is the beginning of a new story. And that should inspire you.

7. Use your body when all else fails

The mind reflects the state of your body, reacting to tension, breathing, movement and focus on something. Your body reacts in the same way to your thoughts, feelings, mood, questions you ask and words you speak. It means thatbody and mind are very closely related to each other. If we take full control of our mind, then we consciously take control of our body, and vice versa.

So, for example, when you're sitting with a frown and hunched shoulders, just walk up to the mirror and smile. You will instantly feel the effect, you will immediately change internal state. These tools will help change your mood and make you feel better.

Your body - best tool to change your attitude to the world around you.

P.S. I'll repeat myself again by saying that the mind is a battlefield. This is where the biggest conflict is. In your head periodically sounds: "I will not succeed." And if you allow such thoughts, you will allow them to deprive you of peace, joy and, in the end, life. You will think that you have a nervous breakdown, depression and that you have failed. I know because I've been through it all.

Honestly, there are so many things in our life that we cannot control, so just ignore it. You decide with whom to spend time, with whom to share your life, your money and your energy. You choose the words and tone of communication. You choose what you will eat and read every day. You choose how to react to unpleasant situations, and what they mean for you: punishment or opportunities for growth...

And most importantly, you can choose your attitude to all things and situations on which everything else depends. published . If you have any questions on this topic, ask them to specialists and readers of our project .

How often do we get angry! With or without reason. Slow movement of the queue to the checkout, traffic jams, bad weather that changes all our plans, disobedience of children and much, much more. When we get irritated, we splash out the negative and, as a result, spend a lot of our energy. But for what? Something we can't change!

How same learn to accept not satisfying us situation if we can't change it?

To accept means to consciously admit that something may not go the way we want, not the way we are used to, or not the way we planned. The opposite of acceptance is resistance or a negative attitude towards what is happening. For most, this is the pattern of behavior that is more familiar, and we resist almost everything that goes against what we want.

But why do we resist? To some extent, we are influenced by our past experience. For example, you are used to your parents always talking to you in a calm tone and, of course, you expect that this will continue to be the case in the future. But one day you are faced with the fact that the parents raised their voice significantly in a conversation with you. Of course, this is unpleasant for you and you perceive it negatively. Perhaps you even begin to shout back, thus expressing your resistance to the current situation.

But resistance inevitably causes suffering.

Marathon runners have this slogan: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is a personal choice for everyone.” When a person runs a long distance, sooner or later his leg muscles begin to hurt. And here the runner makes a choice - either suffer, focusing on pain, or switch his attention to something else.
So it is in life: you can find yourself in a situation where you were betrayed, abandoned, taken away from you, your plans and dreams were destroyed, left alone with difficulties. Of course it hurts. But whether to suffer is your personal choice.
Of course, there are simpler situations where there seems to be no pain - traffic jams, a slowly moving queue, a person does not answer our calls and SMS, work colleagues are extremely slow, etc. However, these situations annoy us because we experience discomfort. It is unpleasant for us, we are trying to overcome the circumstances. How? With our negative attitude, resistance - from the fact that we are not comfortable, and we suffer to some extent.

Of course, when we find ourselves in circumstances that are unpleasant for us, or even very difficult ones, of course, we try to act. However, after all, you can act in different ways - with the acceptance of the situation or with resistance to it. Which option makes more sense?
To understand what acceptance is (not to be confused with inaction), imagine scientists who make their calculations without taking into account the fact that gravity acts on Earth. Where there is no gravity, some things are, of course, much easier to do. But there is gravity on Earth - scientists take it as a given that they cannot change and build their calculations taking this phenomenon into account.

So, to all the situations that you do not like, but which you cannot change, treat like ... scientists to the Earth's gravity - just take into account the circumstances and act taking into account the changed situation.

Acceptance, like any other skill, can be trained, which means you can learn to accept the situation. How?

Step 1 - Awareness
You found yourself in a situation where something went against what you want. You are unhappy. Be aware of this dissatisfaction. You can say to yourself, "I'm not happy because this happened, but I wanted it to be like this."
Why do it? The fact is that many people do not even realize what it is that irritates them so much in the circumstances. Awareness is the first step towards understanding and accepting.

Step 2 - OBSERVATION WITHOUT EVALUATION
The essence of this step is to observe your thoughts and emotions without judging whether they are good or bad. You seem to be looking at yourself from the outside, allowing everything that happens to you to BE, without doing anything about it.

Step 3 - PHYSICAL FEELINGS
Pay attention to your physical sensations in this situation - how you breathe, how fast your heart beats, whether you feel a rush of blood to your cheeks, whether your head hurts, whether your hands tremble, whether your cheek twitches. What do you actually feel in your body?
Try to focus solely on your breathing - focus on how the cool air passes through the nasopharynx, descends into the lungs, how your chest expands, how you exhale warm air. About 5 minutes of such concentrated breathing is enough to calm down.

Step 4 - TURN ON THE BRAIN
After you have acknowledged your dissatisfaction, observed your thoughts and emotions, breathed and calmed down a little, it's time to ask yourself the question: “What is my goal for this moment and how can I achieve it under the circumstances?”
Sometimes to achieve the goal you will need to take certain actions, and sometimes you just do nothing, calm down and wait.

STEP 5 - THANK YOU

Every situation is given to us for something. Even in the most insignificant, in our opinion, unpleasant situation, there is something useful for us. Your task is to realize WHAT EXACTLY and thank the world for the opportunity to learn and work on yourself.

Acceptance of what is takes you to a deeper level, where your inner state, as well as your sense of yourself, no longer depends on the judgments of "good" and "bad" that the mind makes.
Eckhart Tolle,
"What Silence Says"

I will not call for accepting the situation if it is impossible to change it, but simply explain why you need it and how to do it.
By accepting an unpleasant situation, we give it the opportunity to change. While we do not accept, we experience anger, rejection, resentment, etc., the unpleasant aspect of the situation grows and gets stronger, because. the force of action is equal to the force of reaction. We stop resisting, we change the vector - we get a change in the situation in a positive direction. Otherwise, an unpleasant event can thoroughly linger in our lives and make unwanted adjustments to it.
This is a serious enough reason to remember right now what situation is most unnerving for you today, and continue to work with it according to the text of the article. To resist this situation is unprofitable and harmful.

Non-acceptance is disagreement with what is happening.
Those. in our head there is an image of how it should be, but in fact it happens differently, and this causes our disagreement and irritation. So? A reasonable question - can you admit the idea that your idea of \u200b\u200bhow it would be good and right is wrong? That the Universe has before its eyes a different alignment of your life, let's say, more voluminous, in which the best option this situation is exactly what is happening now. And you, instead of thanking for the trouble, get angry and indignant? Allow the idea that your idea is erroneous, because it is narrow, you do not see the whole picture of your life and are not fully aware of your tasks on earth.

I understand that these arguments are not suitable for momentary acceptance. They are needed to expand consciousness and change the outlook on situations and life in general.

What about for the momentary?
To begin with, it is important to assess - can you influence the situation or not? If you can, how, and what exactly will you do right now for this? If everything that is possible has been done, and the situation persists, then in this place - attention! - share the responsibility. When we take on someone else's responsibility, then, firstly, we overwork and lose strength, and secondly, we stop doing what we could do, and spend our energy on what we are not able to change.

So you have specific situation. You did everything in your power to make her stop being so unpleasant for you. But the changes have not yet taken place, and now, when you are powerless to change anything, a protest rises in you - well, how is it, why am I doing this, why exactly with me, etc. This is what rejection is. And this is what not only spoils your life, but also fixes this situation in your reality.

Further responsibility for changing what is happening is not yours! And this fact must be recognized and allowed to be.
For some reason it is needed. If we do not know what exactly, this does not mean that there is no point. It is always there, and you can see this by looking at all the events of your life - notice what positive consequences followed unpleasant events in the past. You did not go to college, but you went to a temporary job and found your calling. You broke up with a man, but you met another, “yours”, your parents did not really support you in childhood, but you grew up active and independent, and do not shy away from troubles.

In a situation of rejection, it is very important to remove emotions. Ideally, an unpleasant situation should not cause negative emotions. I really love Lee Carroll's book The Journey Home, it presents important and profound ideas in the form of a compelling story. There are two main ideas:
everything is just there and
everything is not what it seems.

What you judged as black turned out to be white in the end, and - you see this in your own life - this is exactly what happens most often.
Therefore, it is very important to remove the assessment of the situation from the position of your understanding of the correctness, and leave only a statement of the situation. Yes, I see that this has happened. What I feel? I feel uncomfortable in it, it’s difficult, I have to strain, something else.
Next - what can I do to make it different? I do.
The situation has not been completely resolved, but I believe that in the end it will be resolved. the best way, so I just trust the world and switch to solving other problems. I do not waste energy on resentment of life, complaining about injustice, etc., I direct it to creation, and then I become the real mistress of my life, and not the eternal victim of circumstances.
Everything is just there, and for today it is like this, and I accept this situation because I believe that it has come, because I need it for something. And I focus on understanding why, not on being dissatisfied.

What other aspect of acceptance do I want to talk about.
To accept is not to submit and lay down one's hands. Not at all. To accept means to allow it to be in your life, while doing something to change the situation. And this permission is worth a lot. You are not angry at the wind that sometimes it becomes a hurricane, or at the snow that suddenly went and fell asleep all the way. And why? Because you admit - it just is, and that's it.

But everything that happens in your life, too, just is. And very often it is not really what it seems. Create silence and watch what will happen, let it be, learn to trust what comes and not see it as malicious intent. It is a matter of trust in the world, and if you either remove any assessment or try to make it objective, you will feel peace and acceptance.
To accept means to say an unconditional “yes” to your present and future. Acceptance of the world begins with acceptance of oneself, in order to say “yes” to what you may not like about yourself today. We learn to say a full “yes” on the course. Sometimes saying yes is much harder than saying no, but what a healing effect it has on our lives!

If you have any questions or need help, .

With love,
Julia Solomonova

How same learn to accept not satisfying us situation if we can't change it?

To accept means to consciously admit that something may not go the way we want, not the way we are used to, or not the way we planned. The opposite of acceptance is resistance or a negative attitude towards what is happening. For the majority, this is the pattern of behavior that is more familiar, and we resist almost everything that goes against what we want.

But resistance inevitably causes suffering.

Acceptance, like any other skill, can be trained, which means you can learn to accept the situation. How?

Step 3 - PHYSICAL FEELINGS
Pay attention to your physical sensations in this situation - how you breathe, how fast your heart beats, whether you feel a rush of blood to your cheeks, whether your head hurts, whether your hands tremble, whether your cheek twitches. What do you actually feel in your body?
Try to focus solely on your breathing - focus on how cool air passes through the nasopharynx, descends into the lungs, how your chest expands, how you exhale warm air. About 5 minutes of such concentrated breathing is enough to calm down.

Step 4 - TURN ON THE BRAIN
After you have acknowledged your dissatisfaction, observed your thoughts and emotions, breathed and calmed down a little, it's time to ask yourself the question: "What is my goal at the moment and how can I achieve it in the current circumstances?"
Sometimes to achieve the goal you will need to take certain actions, and sometimes you just do nothing, calm down and wait.

An example from my personal life: I am a very punctual person, and if I was traveling in public transport, which dragged like a turtle, and realized that I could be late, then, like all punctual people, I was nervous. Sometimes strong enough. And then in one beautiful moment I realized that I was nervous and realized that I had three options - to continue to be nervous, transfer to another transport or run ahead of transport. Strange as it may seem, the very thing that irritated me so much - the slow movement of traffic - contributed to the comprehension of this fact. I just had the opportunity to sit, do nothing and just think. By the way, a lot good ideas it occurred to me in transport. Hence follows

STEP 5 - THANK YOU
Every situation is given to us for something. Even in the most insignificant, in our opinion, unpleasant situation, there is something useful for us. Your task is to realize WHAT EXACTLY and thank the world for the opportunity to learn and work on yourself.

Hello dear readers! Not everything in the world is under our control. Sometimes things happen in life that we can't change. But this understanding does not make it easier. A person suffers from his own helplessness and cannot cope with emotions in any way. You understand that, in general, you are not to blame for anything and you can no longer influence what is happening, but sad thoughts do not go out of your head. How to find relief in this situation?

This child feels omnipotent, it is difficult for him to accept that he is at the mercy of his parents and certainly does not understand that their life also depends on many factors. It can also be difficult for an adult to realize that he is subject to certain laws. The sooner you realize that there is something in this world that is above us, something stronger, more fatal, the easier it will be for you to cope.

If it’s hard for you to realize that nothing can be changed, try to take the reins of your own destiny into your own hands again. Ask yourself what was the result of the situation in which you find yourself? Is fate to blame for everything, or did at some point you didn’t pay attention to some little things?

What specifically have you wanted to achieve in the past? Why were they trying? Perhaps you wanted love or recognition in society. Is it possible to achieve the same thing using other ways? Perhaps this is just one event that cannot be changed, but the task will eventually be solved anyway?

I can recommend a book Anthony Robbins "Awaken the giant in you", thanks to which you can find a lot of ways and do it with the most effective approach, without despair and without losing inspiration.

Love

Great suffering can cause or loss loved one(now we are talking). We feel complete when we are loved. A person invests in relationships, trusts another, but, unfortunately, this is not always enough for the union to be and remain harmonious throughout life.

All of a sudden, the world disappears from under your feet. We ask ourselves the question: “Why did he do this to me?”. At such moments, it is better to immediately stop yourself and reformulate the question. It would be more correct not “for nothing”, but “for what”, “why” he did it.

In this case, as a rule, nothing can be returned, but love has not left your life forever. She is still there. You can feel it if you think of your friends, relatives, children, perhaps someone has a hobby or job that gives pleasure. You did not lose this feeling forever, but only temporarily lost an object that, according to some criteria, did not correspond to you anyway.

It will take time to get over the pain, but very soon you will learn again and will be surrounded by people who truly love you. Don't believe in this yet.

Read the same book Anthony Robbins "Notes from a Friend". It will be ideal for those who believe that love is the most important thing in life. You will especially benefit from the chapter on why failures in love relationships does not exist.

That's all for me. See you soon and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.