How to learn to communicate with people? Secrets of correct behavior. Facial expressions and gestures
The sacramental phrase "Hello, king, very nice!" – the pinnacle of your communication skills? Besides, even Ivan Vasilyevich managed to say it more affably than you?
And because of this, the vacation was “covered with a copper basin”, the teacher did not set a test, and your lovely daughter is not taken to a music school?
Do not be sad!
We will teach how to communicate with people correctly so that after each conversation with you a person “bloomed and groined”.
We do not promise instant results, but it is worth making a little effort - and you will become a real master of conversations.
And do I need it? 7 reasons to learn how to communicate with people
For those who look at us frowningly and wonder why we need to work on how to communicate with people (from the series “Love us black, and everyone will love us white”), we are ready to give weighty arguments:
You need to learn how to communicate in order to get a job.
Well, how are you going to persuade if, when talking with a potential employer, you become clumsy, like Pinocchio, and carry nonsense, next to which even the lyrics of Zemfira's early songs are an example of "iron" logic?
you will have to learn how to communicate with people in order to find mutual understanding with colleagues.
How else can you persuade the sweetest Alenka to replace you on Wednesday, and the system administrator Serezha to turn a blind eye to the fact that you spend 90% of your working time on culinary sites?
it is necessary to communicate properly in the family.
Otherwise, "epic" wars on the topic "Who ate the last cutlet and did not wash the pan?" not to be avoided;
it is necessary to communicate properly with service personnel(sellers, waiters, client managers, etc.).
You look - and in sunny Turkey you are settled in a "luxury" for the price of a standard room, and the seller of carpets with tears in his eyes gives the goods with a 30% discount;
learn how to properly communicate with superiors.
And this does not mean at all that when “His Holiness of all firm” appears, you need to cover your face with your hands so as not to go blind from the outgoing radiance.
Behave with dignity!
You need to learn how to properly communicate with children.
And no Montessori and Paul Bragg will help if you yourself do not learn how to get along with your little pet "monster";
psychologists say that even the most "tightened" introvert has a need to learn how to communicate.
And this is just as necessary for your mental health as not seeing your mother-in-law more than once a month!
Ten! 10 main rules of how to communicate with people
“The gods don’t mold pots,” but not only professional psychologists know how to communicate with people correctly, so arm yourself with our advice and go ahead for the glory of “the most charming and attractive”:
You can communicate correctly only by delving into what the interlocutor says.
Do you want to be known as a charmer? Then you will have to listen carefully even when a person talks about the methods of reproduction of geraniums and the shape of shoes in the time of Louis XIV.
Trust people, be open, at least until they show themselves to be a "radish", if you want to learn how to communicate correctly.
A neighbor may be harassing you with his endless repairs (and does he want to hammer a wall on Sunday morning?), but he may turn out to be a brilliant fitness trainer or an equally brilliant lawyer.
And who wouldn’t want to get a training program from this modern Apollo “for free”?
Be confident to yourself, like James Bond and the Terminator put together, if you want to learn how to communicate with people correctly.
Does not work? Then you have two ways:
“fall in love with yourself” the way you are in order to communicate confidently.
Yes, yes, with two crooked teeth, a receding hairline and a love of beer;
work frantically on yourself, correcting what can be corrected in order to learn how to communicate.
Let's be honest - the task is not easy, a sort of "way of the samurai."
But it is much more exciting to become a successful metropolitan "thing" than to revel in the title of "first girl in the village."
Call the person by name more often if you are trying to learn how to communicate.
Oh, how right old Carnegie was when he claimed that a person's own name is more pleasant than angelic chants.
Do we know about it? Certainly! Do we use it in everyday communication? That's the same...
Ask leading questions if you want to learn how to communicate.
Of course, it is not entirely correct to arrange an interrogation with an addiction to your interlocutor, but try to ask in such a way that it is difficult to limit yourself to a monosyllabic “yes” or “no”.
Don't be afraid to be a little provocative in conversation and feel free to ask about things that really interest you if you want to communicate properly.
Leave talk of the weather-nature for people gray as the London sky.
But if you sincerely admire the harmony that reigns in your friend's family, then you can ask her directly how she does it.
From her will not decrease, and, most likely, she will like to act as a guru of family happiness.
However, we must remember that if you want to learn how to communicate, you must know that there are “forbidden” topics that are right to raise only with a glass of good wine (or something stronger) with your best friend:
It is necessary to communicate with people correctly with their intonation and at their pace.
You should not tire an elderly woman with a speech in which words fly out faster than bullets, and annoy a busy boss to horror with the manners of a "Turgenev" young lady.
Try to speak competently, clearly and firmly with people when you communicate.
And for this, gentlemen, you should at least understand the subject of the conversation a little.
Therefore, if you set out to learn how to communicate with people, we advise you to turn off the TV, burn romance novels, women's magazines and other literary trash at the stake and “turn to the light” - popular science magazines and quality documentaries.
Work on your writing if you need to learn how to communicate.
“I am writing to you, why else?” - you, of course, are not Tatyana Larina, but these words should become your motto if you want to communicate with people correctly.
Psychologists say that there is a direct relationship between writing and the ability to verbally express one's thoughts. It’s not entirely correct to limit yourself to emojis on social networks!
To communicate with people correctly, use facial expressions and gestures sparingly.
You should not talk about a trip to the sea with a stone face, like a central television announcer, but waving your arms like a windmill is also not the best option.
“Do you know what the most vivid impression left from getting to know sunny Italy?
No, not pasta and pizza! I could not stop looking at how beautifully Italians and Italians gesticulate!
What a hand dance! And the raised eyebrow? This is their way of communicating!
In a word, it was inexpressible. I got the impression that I’m not walking the streets, but watching a performance!” - says Natalia from St. Petersburg.
Everyone will talk! 5 secrets of how to properly communicate with strangers
In order not to ask, as in the song “Wait, wait, where are you man?”, Having met a double of David Beckham in a bar, you should know how to communicate with strangers:
Tell something about yourself or ask for advice on when to communicate properly.
The fact that you had chickenpox in the fourth grade, you live in a communal apartment, and you have three people and a dog Zhuzha in your care, you should not immediately “load” a person, but if you write articles on psychology or recently finally got out to the theater - why not "hook" this interlocutor?
Try to repeat the last phrase of the interlocutor with an interrogative intonation when communicating.
This will help him show himself in all his glory (he will begin to delve into the topic), and you will earn a reputation as a "soul-man", which the world has not yet seen.
By the way, this technique is most often used by hitchhikers to talk to gloomy uncles-truckers.
Ask a question when interacting with a new person.
No, no, you shouldn't ask about Newton's third law and the rules for solving trigonometric equations if you don't want a "vacuum" to form around you at the party.
Questions "How do you like today's music?" or “How long have you known the mistress of the house?” will fit quite well.
Give a compliment if you want to communicate with people in the right way.
Even if the interlocutor is like a May rose, believe me, deep down he is happy that you found his dog, drooling on a sofa cushion, charming.
Take a look around, and use some of the surrounding objects as a clue to start communicating with people.
“I have one trick in communication that has never let me down: being at someone's house, I always look at the volumes in the bookcase.
Word for word - and now we don’t have a banal “chatter” that food has risen in price, all deputies are bastards, and neighbors are potential patients of a mental hospital, but we argue about who is cooler - Ian Banks or Haruki Murakami, Coelho or Castaneda. - shares Lyudmila from Chernihiv.
3 amazing exercises for those who want to learn how to properly communicate with people
"Ten Negreat".
Your task is to start a conversation with ten strangers in a day.
If you want, ask a handsome man for directions (and who knows where it will lead you?), if you want, finally find out the name of the janitor and how the neighbor has enough willpower to go for a run every morning?
"Conversation with a Cactus" in order to learn how to communicate properly.
Well, maybe not with a cactus, but with any inanimate object.
Try to broadcast at least 20 minutes every evening to a chair, window, or beloved cat about how the day went.
You look - soon you will switch to people! We believe in you!
"Praise me, praise me!"
Throughout the day, you need to compliment everyone you interact with.
And whether it will be an exemplary order in a friend’s apartment, your child’s “kalyaki-malaki” or cabbage cut into four pieces by her husband under the proud name “Greek salad” is not so important.
6 annoying “jambs” of those who want to communicate brilliantly with people
Although the art of communicating with people correctly is not a minefield where you need to control every step, but why “undermine” where you can do without losses?
How to learn the ease of communication and become a great conversationalist?
3 tips from American coach Brian Tracy in this video:
A real treasure! 10 most interesting books for those who want to know how to communicate with people the right way
For those who want to find the answer to the question "How to learn to communicate with people?", Our list:
| No. p \ p | Title, author |
|---|---|
| 1 | "Games People Play" (Eric Byrne) |
| 2 | "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (Dale Carnegie) |
| 3 | "How to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere" (Larry King) |
| 4 | "Psychology of the Masses and the Analysis of the Human Self" (Sigmund Freud) |
| 5 | "Don't growl at the dog" (Karen Pryor) |
| 6 | "Grand Master of Communication" (Sergey Deryabo) |
| 7 | The Mentalist (Frederic Rapily) |
| 8 | "Hidden control of a person" (Viktor Sheinov) |
| 9 | The Psychology of Influence (Robert Cialdini) |
| 10 | "The power of charm. How to Win Hearts and Succeed (Brian Tracy, Ron Arden) |
So, if you do not want to be known as a "beech" - work on yourself, tirelessly. To know and understand how to learn to communicate with people— by the power of every sane person.
Yes, and don’t stop to chat with your neighbor only on “good” days, when you get enough sleep, everything is ok at work, and the new dress suits you amazingly.
Real ladies and gentlemen behave impeccably every day, not just on holidays. And who knows, maybe your phone will soon just “pop” from the numbers of new friends.
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What prevents us from easily and simply communicating with people - talking, maintaining contact? After all, speaking is one of the most important human abilities.
There are many reasons, among which the most popular are:
Shyness,
- fear of saying something stupid
- fear of being misunderstood
- unwillingness to express one's opinion -
and many other excuses that hide the psychological problem of communication. How to communicate with people correctly so that this process brings joy, how to reveal the secret of the ability to talk and negotiate -.
Why you can't talk to people the right way
The ability to communicate with people is required daily. Thanks to the ability to speak, we can communicate our thoughts, make friends, confess our love, achieve career growth and stay confident in any life situation. The whole life of a modern person consists of intersections with other people, and communication skills are simply necessary.
But what if the conversation doesn't work? Fear, isolation, unsociableness, uncertainty - all this does not make it possible to find a common language with the interlocutor. Yury Burlan's System-Vector Psychology helps to unravel the secret of effective communication.
Communicative interaction is the action of transmitting and receiving information between people. It seems that everything is simple and clear. But for some reason, a failure occurs, and a person cannot easily perform these same actions. The reasons lie in his psyche, which determines thoughts, hidden motives, priorities. Regardless of education or age, the psychology of communication is closely related to a set of desires and values of a particular person, called vectors.
Rules of communication psychology: for whom it is important
For the owner of the anal vector, the problem will be the fear of disgrace, to say something wrong, out of place. An excellent memory and the ability to analyze past events carefully preserve in his thoughts all past mistakes and mistakes.
His innate perfectionism and attention to detail make him constantly scroll through a different set of conversation options in his head, thinking about the next word. Therefore, his speech is slow, burdened with many details, often unnecessary to the interlocutor. If he is interrupted during a conversation or forced to speak faster, he may fall into a stupor and lose the thread of the conversation.
The tendency to generalize from bad personal experience instead of productively applying one's analytical skills in professional activities inevitably leads to a fear of communication. And even if such a person starts attending trainings on communicating with people, problems are likely to remain. The set of rules and guidelines received there shows how to work on the investigation, but will not be able to remove the cause of uncertainty and difficulties in communication.
And this is important - to realize the causes of their fears and problems. It's like a medical diagnosis. When it is accurately set and the cause of the disease is determined, it can be cured. Knowing how the psyche works, its properties can be used to the benefit of others and to your own joy.
It's scary to communicate with people: how to overcome yourself
And if it’s scary not only to communicate, but even to live? The huge emotional amplitude of the owner of the visual vector sometimes plays cruel jokes with him. The range of emotions from boundless happiness to the same boundless grief and longing. An amazingly rich imagination throws up fantastic stories with catastrophes, murders and innumerable misfortunes.
It is people with a visual vector who have the strongest fears, panic attacks and anxiety.
The innate fear of death is the root emotion, as the cause of the whole variety of phobias remains with the visual person, when all his thoughts revolve around fear for himself and his own safety. He begins to be afraid to communicate with people, playing in his head fantastic stories about robberies, violence, murders. The spectator's fantasies are so vivid and exciting that he begins to believe them, to live in a fictional reality and cannot get out of there.
The paradox is that fantasies are transferred to real life. The more the viewer is afraid for himself, the more fears he has, the more often he gets into situations where he becomes a victim of stories that are no longer fictional. He cannot be confident. It “smells” of fear, of “victim”, and everyone catches this smell - from dogs that growl and bite such people to rapists and robbers.
Psychologists' advice on how to overcome fear, overcome yourself, stop being afraid, does not give any result. And this is understandable. After all, again we are trying to fight the investigation, not understanding the causes of any fears, including the fear of communicating with people. Awareness of one's properties and desires allows a person to get rid of all the problems associated with hypertrophied self-care and fear for oneself.
Empathy for other people, relatives, friends, friends allows the viewer to establish a strong emotional contact with the interlocutor and share his sorrows and joys with him. In this case, the fear goes away and there is no communication problem at all. On the contrary, such people are drawn to. They want to be with them, feeling genuine sympathy and empathy.
How to learn to communicate when I'm not interested in you
Sound people are idea generators. But with whom to share them? Who can understand and discuss them? Brilliant in potential, but difficult to communicate, as if obsessed with themselves and their thoughts, sound engineers often close in on themselves, they do not make good contact with people. They cannot clearly and simply express their thoughts, because the meaning is clear to them, and it is no longer interesting to pronounce the entire chain of words.
Egocentric by nature, arrogant and "the smartest", people with a sound vector can engage in spiritual self-improvement, the psychology of which is to know what is not in the material world. Of course, finding like-minded people for such communication is not easy. But if this happens, then two sound engineers will discuss the higher worlds, spiritual topics, or happily remain silent, sitting at night under the starry sky.
To answer the age-old questions - who am I, where do I come from and where am I going? - the sound engineer needs to realize his desires and peculiarities. Realizing that his main desire is to know himself, the people around him and the meaning of life, the sound engineer can get out of his "shell" and begin to learn about the world around him. The transfer of concentration from one's internal states to others completely solves all the problems of communication with people.
Reading time 7 minutes
Many people are afraid of interacting with people. Some people easily speak to a huge audience, easily make acquaintances and easily support any conversation, filling it with jokes. For some, maintaining a normal everyday conversation is a whole problem. Why is this happening? How to learn to communicate with people? Is it possible to learn to communicate easily and not feel fear, or is it a gift that is not available to everyone?
We need communication skills every day. Many people think that this skill is only necessary for businessmen to successfully negotiate. But it's not. Psychologists have proven that communication with people is one of the basic human needs that nothing else can replace. Any relationship between people, be it friendship, marital relations, is impossible without communication. This is a basic human need, on which the feeling of security depends, the feeling that we are loved and needed by someone, the feeling that we deserve respect.
Lack of ability to communicate often leads to divorce, because partners simply have not learned how to negotiate. Many suffer from loneliness only because they are afraid to approach and make a new acquaintance. Communication, relationships and psychology are inextricably linked and greatly affect the quality of human life.
The ability to communicate is necessary for every person, it is the key to success in many areas of life. You must understand that speaking and communicating are not the same thing. The concept of communication in psychology is a rather complex process that includes both verbal and non-verbal communication. An important role is played not only by the meaning of your words, but also by the timbre of your voice, intonation, postures and gestures. And the most important thing is the thoughts and feelings that are in your subconscious.
Interlocutors always feel what feelings and emotions you actually experience when you communicate. The psychology of interpersonal communication studies the problem, what are people really afraid of when communicating, what feelings do they experience? It can be fear of rejection or rejection, anger at offenders, fear of saying something inappropriately, of being misunderstood and not accepted, fear of expressing one's opinion, low self-esteem and problems with diction.
Fear of communicating with people usually begins in childhood. And as adults, many still cannot survive some of the psychological trauma inflicted by parents or peers. “Don’t talk nonsense” is the catchphrase of many parents, which sows self-doubt in a child for almost a lifetime. Anguished whiteboard performances or peer ridicule often influence. Of course, these may not be such deep problems. For example, a person may experience communication difficulties if they are unable to make contacts, are too modest, shy, have low self-esteem or complexes about appearance, are afraid of displeasing other people, or, due to their nature, are unable to listen and understand other people.
If you are aware of your problem and often say to yourself: “I can’t communicate,” then it’s time to talk to a psychologist who will help you find the cause of your communication disorder and give practical recommendations on how to eliminate them. You can also help yourself.
Now there are a lot of worthy books on the psychology of communication that are worth reading:
- "The power of charm. How to Win Hearts and Succeed (Brian Tracy, Ron Arden)
- The Psychology of Influence (Robert Cialdini)
- "Hidden control of a person" (Viktor Sheinov)
- The Mentalist (Frederic Rapily)
- "Grand Master of Communication" (Sergey Deryabo)
- "Don't growl at the dog" (Karen Pryor)
- "Psychology of the Masses and the Analysis of the Human Self" (Sigmund Freud)
- "How to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere" (Larry King)
- "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (Dale Carnegie)
- "Games People Play" (Eric Byrne)
How to learn to communicate with people: the rules of communication
The best way to formulate the rules of communication is Dale Carnegie in his books. Here are some of them:
Communication secrets include non-verbal communication techniques. To fully learn to communicate, you need to learn body language. It is unlikely that anyone will carefully listen to the speaker, who will stand in front of the audience hunched over and mumbling something under his breath. People always pay attention to the posture, the timbre of the voice and the speed of speech. Also, special attention is drawn to the eyes of a person. We often notice that he looks confidently, askance, slyly or "eyes are burning." There are psychological trainings that teach you to look at the interlocutor correctly - directly, openly, with interest, without oppressing or belittling him.
As for facial expressions, you can use it to find out the mood of a person or send certain signals yourself.
By the gestures and posture of a person, you can easily determine whether he is closed or open during communication. If the hands are crossed, hidden in pockets or clenched into fists, then this indicates that the person wants to isolate himself from you, stop communicating. Open postures, turned palms indicate that a person wants to communicate. Openness techniques can also be learned in psychological training.
Unusual but effective communication techniques
To overcome the fear of communication, you can first try to communicate on the phone. Write down on a piece of paper all the questions you want to know and call, for example, a beauty salon. Find out what procedures are available, their cost, recommendations. This will be a great first step towards overcoming fear.
You can try at least 10 minutes a day to talk with a chair or flowerpot. It's very difficult, in fact. First, tell how you are doing, then make a conversation plan and stick to it. This is a very effective technique for overcoming fear in dealing with people.
Try to start a casual conversation with 10 strangers every day. For example, with a salesperson, a pharmacist, a neighbor, etc. Try each of them to say some kind of compliment. This will make you very liberated.
The psychology of communication helps a person get rid of the fear of communicating with people. First of all, the psychologist helps to realize that there really is a problem, helps to identify the cause of the problem and work on these problems.
A person who is aware of his fear of communicating with people should work hard to overcome these problems. In addition to psychological training, it is important to read a lot, learn more new information. The goal is not so much to become an interesting conversationalist as to become an interesting person.
If a person notices that they do not want to communicate with him, then he is not interesting. Lacks energy, drive, hobbies and hobbies. But we can fix it all.
Separately, there is the problem of communication with the opposite sex. How many single women and men who dream of meeting their soul mate. Again, fear prevents you from talking to a pretty girl or guy.
You should know that when communicating with the opposite sex, as soon as there is a moment when you have nothing else to talk about, the person loses interest in you. Therefore, you need to find out about the hobbies and hobbies of a guy or girl, try to figure it out so that you can easily keep up the conversation.
Often, guys and girls perceive the opposite sex as an alien creature, therefore, in order to establish contact, a girl will have to learn something about football and beer, and a guy about cosmetics and fashion.
With the opposite sex, try to behave naturally and positively, do not forget to smile, compliment, and show sincere interest.
Do not be afraid to admit if you are incompetent in some matter. Ask your partner a question, he will be pleased that you are interested in learning more about his hobbies. In general, when communicating with guys, it is important to focus on them, and not on yourself. And do not tell too much about yourself, a couple of facts from life and no more. Do not allow vulgarity and intimate details in the conversation at the first meetings. Avoid women's gossip and behind-the-scenes discussions.
When communicating with a girl, smile sincerely, say unobtrusive compliments and ask questions so that she can answer them in a detailed form.
In general, in order not to experience fear in communication, and in principle not to have any problems with it, you first need to become interesting to yourself and make your life bright and exciting. Everything you do, do it for yourself. You are responsible only for your life, your happiness. As soon as your life is filled with colors, people themselves will seek to meet you and have a desire to talk with you.
All in your hands!
With the advent of mankind, a huge need for communication arose. Even in ancient times, without it, it was impossible to warn a fellow tribesman, express one's sympathy to a woman, teach children to survive and hunt, passing on their knowledge and skills to them. Today we have a clear system of symbols through which we can say absolutely everything we think. But even in modern society, some people experience communication difficulties and do not always know how to overcome them.
Peculiarities
From birth, we begin to learn the language, which we subsequently speak all our lives. However, the ability to pronounce sounds in the correct sequence does not mean that we have the art of communication, this can be compared with onomatopoeia. A person speaks when his words make sense, when they are used with some meaning in a particular situation.
As a person grows older, they have to communicate more and more. On this depends his successful socialization in kindergarten, the ability to "settle down" at school, the degree of success at the university and at work. When communicating with peers, it is important to try to become an interesting conversationalist for them, to be able to attract attention to yourself. Adults should see you as a worthy opponent, a person with whom it is pleasant to deal.
But being interesting enough for everyone is difficult, and for some, this goal can be almost impossible to achieve. There are several factors that prevent people from fully communicating:
- Personal complexes and self-doubt. In this case, a person simply does not believe that he can interest someone in a conversation, he does not dare to express his thoughts and ideas.
- The opposite phenomenon heightened self-esteem. Such people put themselves above others. People around do not understand them and do not seek to make contact with them.
- Active use of social networks. Online communication can cause fear of real meetings, self-doubt.
- Poor intellectual development. A small set of knowledge narrows the range of topics that a person can communicate with, so it quickly becomes boring with him.
The role of communication
Communication has always played an important role in human life. As soon as people learned to communicate with each other, it became important to be able to properly build a dialogue, to please the one you like, even to verbally punish the offender. There are so many different factors in a person’s life that you need to be able to control and subjugate to yourself that nothing can work out without the right communication skills. In addition, the consequences of not being able to communicate can even negatively affect your life.
Success at school or university is explained not only by a pleasant appearance. For the most part, "popular" people are able to communicate, keeping the attention on their personality. Speech is also important in work and personal life.
At work, you may not be promoted, even if you deserve it, simply because you fail to successfully establish contacts and conduct business negotiations. In family life, you will also not be able to avoid problems if you do not learn to find a common language with a partner. If you don’t have common topics for conversation, or you can’t resolve controversial situations and find a compromise, relationships can “crack”.
All modern society is based on the ability to properly build speech and communicate with others. Well-known politicians, scientists and artists would not be so famous if they could not subdue the attention of a large number of people with one word.
Therefore, if you want to be successful and happy, it is important to learn how to communicate with people, correct your speech shortcomings and improve in this area.
Ways to achieve efficiency
In modern society, the ability to properly conduct a conversation is an important aspect. In the process of communication, the interlocutors perceive each other, exchange information, personal and business interaction, search for solutions.
If you have not received oratory skills from nature, you should not hang your nose and give up. The ability to speak beautifully and achieve the desired results in a conversation can be learned on your own. The main thing is to know what is required for this. For effective communication, it is important to decompose the communication process into components and specifically work out each of them:
- Gaining self-confidence is important. First of all, in order to learn how to communicate normally, you need to start respecting yourself. You must confidently express your thoughts, even if they are erroneous, because your point of view has the right to exist. It will be clear to your opponent that you need to be reckoned with, that your judgments make sense, and they can be listened to.
- Try to deal with your fear. Many insecure people behave in a dialogue passively. They are afraid to ask questions, to be interested in something, to express their opinion, so as not to bring down the indignation of others. They are afraid of judgmental looks, possible unpleasant comments addressed to them. Do not be afraid to carry on the conversation in a way that suits you, ask about everything that interests you.
- Treat the interviewer with respect and tact. Do not interrupt the speaker, give him the opportunity to speak fully, even if you do not agree with his arguments. Only then calmly express your opinion.
- Try not to get distracted by extraneous topics. The ability to express your thoughts beautifully and competently, while speaking to the point, will allow you to quickly earn respect in society.
- Must be able to inspire the trust of the interlocutor. To achieve this goal, you need very little - just look into the eyes of a partner. Eye contact makes it easy to connect. If a person lowers or hides his gaze, his behavior is not always perceived as a sign of embarrassment. More often this is regarded as insincerity or even a lie. Such a conversation will not bring you anything good.
- It is important to show genuine interest in the interlocutor. During a conversation with an unfamiliar person, you need to give him the opportunity to talk about himself, to express his thoughts. Don't talk too much. A monologue can quickly tire a person, and he is unlikely to want to talk to you again. You need to make the person feel at ease in your company. Interest in the conversation should be mutual. Don't forget to use your opponent's name. This nuance will also show your interest in it.
- It is also important to be able to ask the right questions. This is especially necessary if you are just getting to know a person and want to learn more about him. The art of asking questions correctly makes it possible to receive full-fledged detailed answers instead of a restrained “yes” or “no”. So you can make the conversation easy and interesting, allowing the interlocutor to feel confident and free in your company.
- Use of knowledge and erudition- no less important point. A person with a large stock of knowledge, it is easier to start and maintain any conversation. Communication with such people delivers a lot of positive emotions to all interlocutors.
How to be interesting?
If you want to take an active part in discussions, and sometimes even become the initiator of a conversation, it is important to be able to attract people to yourself, to be interesting to others. Choosing the right theme is already half the battle. If you prepare in advance for a conversation, read as much information as possible on this issue, you will be well-versed in it and you will always find something to say. It is only important to give out information in portions and at the right moments, otherwise the communication will look like a report.
To make the topic of conversation interesting and convenient for everyone, it is important to clarify whether someone objects to this conversation, and only then start an active discussion. The unwillingness of someone from the group to communicate may show his weak knowledge in this matter or great self-doubt. If a person does not protest, but does not take part in communication, you need to involve him in a conversation, ask his opinion. Gradually, a person will gain confidence and become a participant in the conversation.
Do not be afraid to communicate with people of different professions, interests, social status. Over time, you will learn to adapt to any conversation and correctly “feed” yourself in society.
Communication in a team
In order for communication in a team to be pleasant and easy, it is important to consider only two main factors. The most important thing is to find an individual approach to each member of the team or a specific conversation. If you communicate with people new to you, try to exchange general phrases with each participant in the conversation in order to form an opinion about him, determine the type of his temperament, and learn about character traits.
Being engaged in building the right communication in the team, it is important to communicate with everyone at his level (except for people of higher positions). All team members should feel needed and respected. Only then will the communication process be pleasant and successful.
The second point is the ability to listen. We know how to speak from childhood, but the art of attentive attitude to the interlocutor is much more important. This is necessary in order for the conversation to be interesting, informative and enjoyable for all its participants. Don't interrupt the narrator. So you will give the impression of an uncultured person. In addition, your interference may throw the speaker out of his thoughts. Respect everyone involved in the conversation and you will be treated the same.
Dialogue with the opposite sex
Getting to know a person of the opposite sex requires special skills. Even with self-confidence and positive communication experience with your peers, it can be difficult to start communication with a member of the opposite sex. To make the acquaintance pleasant for both parties, it is important to follow some tips:
- Be natural. Don't try to be funny all the time or be overly serious. If you want to make a good impression, be yourself. It is sincerity that will help attract attention to you, and then conquer your future soulmate. Only in this way can you make communication alive and exciting.
- Starting a conversation, follow not only the vocabulary, but also the correctness of humor and the topics raised in the conversation. Inappropriate jokes and too personal questions can not only not interest a person, but even repel him.
- When you first meet, keep your distance, respect your personal space. You should not hug a representative of the opposite sex without his consent. At the beginning of the interaction, it is better to focus on building a dialogue.
- At the first contact, it is important to often look the interlocutor in the eyes and smile sincerely. This will show your openness, interest and sympathy for the person. Only in this way will you get a pleasant conversation that can later develop into something more.
The process of communicating with different people
In the course of daily communication, we encounter a huge number of people. Different characters, upbringing, social status, age and many other nuances affect the process of communication with each specific person. You must learn to apply an individual approach to different interlocutors, otherwise you may find yourself in an unpleasant situation.
Each person is a unique individual, and this must be reckoned with. If you disagree with someone, don't immediately criticize them. Calmly express your point of view and try to find a compromise.
If the phrases or jokes of the interlocutor annoy you, it is better to transfer the communication in a different direction, so you can avoid conflict. If you start making comments openly, you can provoke a scandal.
Communicating with some people, you should not discuss others. Firstly, your words may sooner or later "reach" the object of your conversation. Secondly, the reputation of a person who discusses and criticizes everyone will not bring you popularity. On the contrary, you will push people away from you. Few people want to openly communicate with such an unpleasant person.
People skills are very important. Many areas in your life can depend on how you talk or correspond with your interlocutors. By becoming a pleasant and tactful interlocutor, and having mastered some rules of etiquette, you will be able to win over many people, which can bring you positive results in the future.
What role does the ability to communicate in society play?
The ability to establish contact is an important quality, and no one possesses it from birth. This skill needs to be developed, and if it has not been laid down for you since childhood, this does not mean at all that you cannot acquire it now. People who have learned how to communicate correctly in society are undoubtedly more successful not only in their careers, but also in their personal lives. Often, in our manner of speaking, the interlocutors add up the first impression of us, and we can ensure that it is only positive.
The subtleties of communication
Note that communication can include both verbal and non-verbal elements. That is, when entering into a dialogue with other people, you do not just pronounce a set of phrases, and the attention of the interlocutors is not only focused on them. In addition to the correctness of speech, it is important to monitor the shades of intonation, facial expressions, gestures, and gaze.
Surely, you had to watch how a person seems to say reasonable things, but something repels him. It can be just a running glance, sharp hand movements or a “frozen” pose, monotonous-sounding phrases, and the like. All these factors are no less important than the content of your phrases.
How to stop being afraid of public speaking
As you know, some people are afraid to speak in front of the public, and this fear can remain throughout life. However, many feel psychological stress not only when speaking to a large audience, but also simply, if necessary, in contact with a stranger. It can reach discomfort even when communicating with the seller, cashier, etc.
Fear of talking to strangers
First of all, it is worth determining where this fear came from. There may be several reasons.
shyness
Usually this trait comes from deep childhood, and depends on the temperament of the child. Some children behave openly, and sometimes intrusively, while others are embarrassed to start a dialogue with adults or peers. If parents do not instill communication skills, and let everything take its course, then in the end this trait flows into adulthood.
Low self-esteem
You are so insecure that you think that if you start a conversation with a stranger, you will look stupid. Perhaps it seems to you that there is nothing to talk about with you, you are unhappy with your voice, unsure of your ability to clearly express your thoughts, and so on. Low self-esteem can be hidden in many small things, leading to general self-doubt.
Complexes regarding appearance
This subparagraph can be related to the previous one, but the difference is that it is only about appearance. Perhaps it seems to you that if you speak, then others will pay attention to some flaw in your appearance that would hide from them if you did not attract attention to yourself.
Ways to deal with fear
Recognition of the problem
Having realized what your problem is, which entailed a fear of communication, it is important to try to solve it. If the reason lies in some defects in appearance, then find a way to fix them. It is also important to understand that your complex can be contrived. Surely, among famous people there are those who have a similar "flaw" - look at how they behave in public and how many fans they have!
If it's not about appearance or not only about it, but low self-esteem in general, then you probably need to raise it. You can make an appointment with a psychologist, but if you are afraid of communicating with strangers, then this step will probably cause you stress. That is why you should look on the Web for motivational videos with psychological consultations, which are absolutely free.
Appearance
A lot depends on how you look when communicating with people. You probably noticed that if you are unsure of your appearance, then communication is even more difficult for you - you just don’t want to focus on yourself. Such moments must be avoided. We are talking about the elementary - clothes, accessories, shoes. Choose your wardrobe carefully so that you have no doubts about it. Do not forget not only about stylish and comfortable things, but also about skin care, teeth, hair and nails. If you carefully take care of all of the above, then you will gain confidence in yourself.
Communication
If you want to overcome your fear, then you need to face the problem face to face. Only by starting to contact other people, you will learn to cope with your psychological barriers. Start small with phone calls. Sharpen your communication skills with loved ones. It is unlikely that you are afraid of talking with relatives or friends - communicate with them more often. As an experiment, to clarify a question, call an old acquaintance who fell out of your field of vision for some period. Subsequently, you can call one of the gyms in the city, for example, by asking the administrator what the cost of a subscription is at their institution and until what time the gym is open. With clarifying questions, you can also call a beauty salon or a yoga studio. It is not necessary to use these services afterwards - you just consult, as many other people do.
Having mastered a little with telephone conversations, try to start a dialogue “live”. If you are afraid of looking stupid when talking to strangers, then choose a way of communication where you will mainly have to listen. You can go to the nearest post office and ask what is the best way to send a parcel to another country (for example, to Canada in the city of Toronto), and how long it will take to go there. Improvise, and gradually you will forget about your fears.
I don’t know what to talk to people about, how to start a dialogue first
It is important to understand that if you start the conversation first, then nothing terrible or unnatural will happen. Unless if another person starts a conversation with you, will you think something bad about him? Probably not. In the same way, other people will not see anything incredible if you contact them, so do not invent problems from scratch.
1. Ask questions
The easiest way to start a dialogue is with a question that will be relevant to the situation. If you are at a certain party, you can ask something about the menu - pay attention to what the potential interlocutor drinks or eats, and ask if he is happy with the choice and whether you should order a similar dish or drink for yourself. Of course, you should not be intrusive at the same time, if a person is relaxed and clearly ready for communication, and not concentrated on absorbing his food, then only then it makes sense to ask such questions.
You can also be interested in more neutral topics - how to get to a particular area where there is a good hardware or book store in the city, and so on.
2. Be interesting
In order to avoid questions about possible topics for conversations, it is necessary to expand your horizons, to constantly be in the stage of intellectual or physical development. If you have nothing to talk about with others, then most likely you are not interested in much other than your main occupation. Many careerists are fixated only on their work, housewives - on domestic issues, and students - on their studies. It is unlikely that only these topics are able to win over the interlocutor and make him become interested in your personality.
Start with reading - world classics or philosophical literature. Subsequently, you can give examples from the books you read or recommend certain works to the interlocutor, giving them your assessment. You may say that you have absolutely no time to read. It is for such people that audiobooks have long been invented that can be listened to in traffic jams, while preparing dinner, cleaning the apartment, and so on.
To develop your personality, it is useful to attend various master classes. In childhood, many of us liked to go to some kind of "circles" - dancing, drawing, beading and the like. Currently, all this and more is offered for adults. In almost every city, with the exception of very small provinces, you can find a lot of master classes - you can sign up for a lesson in painting, belly dancing, yoga, cooking classes, dancing and much more!
3. Let others be interesting
Do not assume that when communicating with you, the interlocutor is only engaged in evaluating your conversational skills, tone, gestures, and meaningfulness of stories. Most people want to make a good impression about themselves as much as you do, and you can win over a person if you help him open up in an interesting way. He will remember this feeling of self-satisfaction, and subconsciously notes that it arose during a conversation with you, so he will be pleased to remember this communication, and he will strive for it again.
If you know that the interlocutor has recently visited another country or city, ask about the features of this place. If he plays sports, note his excellent physical shape, let him know that you would also like to do something similar and ask for advice on where to start. Many people can get lost with some questions, and if you notice that one of them took a person by surprise, do not focus on this topic unless the counterpart himself returns to it. Immediately unobtrusively move the conversation in a different direction - but do not move on to the next question, but tell something yourself, in the meantime allowing the interlocutor to gather his thoughts.
How easy it is to meet people and make friends
Often people avoid making acquaintances on their own, for fear of looking strange. If you want to avoid this, take note of some recommendations.
Don't be intrusive. Turning to a person, try to correctly track his reaction. If he obviously tries to answer in monosyllables, looks away, does not ask counter questions and switches to other things, such as examining the surrounding interior or setting up his phone, then he is clearly not inclined to dialogue. It may not even be about you - just now this person does not want to communicate or is not in the mood to make new acquaintances. You are probably familiar with these feelings.
Be natural. Allow yourself at least for one day to forget about all your fears or complexes. Conduct a kind of experiment - start a conversation with another person, without thinking about what impression you make. Just enjoy the conversation.
Stay confident in itself. If you have not yet been able to gain confidence in yourself, no one should guess about it. Starting a conversation with fawning or uncertain intonations is unlikely to achieve a positive effect. Speak confidently and calmly, do not doubt your words and do not think that you can look stupid and ridiculous. What does a confident person look like? When talking, he does not look at the floor or to the side, but into the eyes of the interlocutor. Although, from time to time it is still worth relaxing to look away to the side - a steady look into the eyes may seem unnatural. Don't constantly adjust your clothes or hair, don't "wring" your hands, and don't study your reflection (even briefly) on mirrored surfaces.
Speech and diction. This is also an important point. Learn to speak not too loudly, but also not quietly. You should be well heard, but nothing more. If you are periodically asked to speak quieter or louder, pay attention to this moment - it can significantly annoy the interlocutors. You can also record your speech on a voice recorder, and while listening to it, pay attention to errors. Avoid slowness and stretching of words, as well as excessive haste. Follow the golden mean. Now you can find a lot of trainings in which professionals will help you with the correct diction. You can simply sign up for a private consultation with a speech therapist, even if it seems to you that you have no problems with pronunciation, placement of stresses and the like - this meeting, in any case, will benefit you.
Be positive. Many people try to avoid those who often "radiate" negativity. Think about whether you are among such pessimists? Even if you are used to negative thinking, try not to show this trait to others. Compliment people, praise them, joke, laugh at other people's jokes.
However, feigned gaiety should also be avoided - such insincerity is often noticeable and looks ridiculous. Try not to talk badly about other people, or at least not focus on your negative emotions - this can turn you off.
Show interest. As you know, most people are very concerned about their personality - how they look, what impression they make, and so on. If you show interest in the personality of the interlocutor, then this will be a sure way to start friendships. Pay attention to any slightest achievements of a potential friend, be interested in his opinion on a particular topic, make compliments. Of course, it is important not to overdo it so that your interest does not look like flattery.
If you began to notice that other people are not too keen to maintain a dialogue with you and even avoid communication, then perhaps some reasons contributed to this. Let's consider some of them:
1- Subjective assessment
Of course, we all have our own subjective point of view on almost everything. However, if you are a tactful interlocutor, you will not try to impose your opinion on another person, especially if you see that he does not agree with him.
It is important to understand that someone else's point of view on certain events is no less valuable than yours. Yes, perhaps the interlocutor is really wrong, but if you want it to be pleasant to communicate with you, then do not try to prove your case at any cost. Gently present your arguments, without irony and irritation, ask what arguments your opponent has. Believe me, if a person is really wrong in some important issue, then soon he himself will understand this. If the issue is insignificant, then it is not worth paying attention to it.
2 - Detachment or talkativeness
These are two extremes that are best avoided. In the first case, when a person behaves aloof, immersed in himself, the interlocutor may decide that you are not interested in communicating with him. Of course, there are people who like to speak out incessantly, and at the same time do not notice the mood of others, but most still pay attention to someone else's reaction. Perhaps, due to a particular character or shyness, you try not to express your point of view, giving the interlocutor the right to conduct a dialogue, but gradually such communication can turn into a monologue, and it’s not a fact that the other participant in the conversation likes this state of affairs.
In the second case (with excessive talkativeness), it is also difficult to hone the correct communication skills. Many of us know such people who like to talk a lot, interrupt and not listen to others. At the same time, they may consider themselves interesting and sociable personalities, but in fact they cause varying degrees of irritation. If mostly tactful interlocutors come across on their way, then they may not even know about their problem. Analyze your conversations with other people - who talks more? In communication, it is important to maintain a balance - talking yourself, asking questions and listening to the answers of the other person.
3 - Stare
Are you sure you don't have that habit of staring at other people? Many people feel uncomfortable under such a “microscope”, and they try to wrap up the conversation as quickly as possible. It may seem to you that you are quietly examining someone's shoes, hair, or some part of the body, but, as a rule, this is very noticeable.
Also, the height of tactlessness is pointing out any shortcomings that a person already knows very well himself or, most likely, would like not to focus on them. Perhaps it’s not even worth mentioning that exclamations are unacceptable: “Oh, your pimple popped up!”, “Do you know that you have gray hair?”, “Are you getting better?”, “Your blouse is wrinkled,” and so on. such tactless remarks. They can only sound between very close people - a parent and son or daughter or husband and wife, and then if you are sure that this is appropriate.
4 - Questions
This subparagraph follows from the previous subparagraph - it will be about the ability to ask questions. Even if you and your interlocutor speak in approximately equal proportions, but at the same time you do not ask any questions to keep the conversation going, then such a conversation can soon become boring. It is important for people to feel an interest in their person. Be interested in the affairs of the interlocutor, his opinion on this or that account. It is important not to cross the line though. If you are not in a very close relationship, do not ask very personal questions - do not be faux pas. If a person is embarrassed about a question or topic of conversation, subtly move the conversation in a different direction, thereby showing yourself to be a flexible and tactful interlocutor.
