Famous couples where the man is older. Will she run away to the young: how to maintain a relationship if a woman is older than a man
According to the rules of so-called patriarchal marriages, the husband must be older than his wife. But the world is changing, stereotypes are breaking down, and marriages in which a woman is older than her husband are successfully proving their right to exist.
In this review, happy couples for whom there is no age limit and who have been happy for more than a year.
Pelageya (Pelageya Khanova) and Ivan Telegin
Difference: 6 years
They never advertised their relationship, but the couple's fans rejoiced at their romance. In the spring of 2016, Ivan made an offer to Pelageya, and already in June they were legally married. Pelageya became a true faithful companion of Ivan. She met the wives of other hockey players and became keenly interested in this sport. In January 2017, Pelageya and Ivan became the happy parents of Taisiya.
Anna Netrebko and Yusif Eyvazov
Difference: 6 years
The opera diva had already put an end to her personal life by the time she met the Azerbaijani singer Yusif. The impetus for their romance was the joint work in Puccini's opera "Manon Lescaut" on the Roman stage. The end of the joint work and the subsequent separation turned out to be very painful for both, therefore, already at the time of the second meeting, Yusif hurried to make an offer to Anna. In December 2015, the lovers became husband and wife.
Ekaterina Klimova and Gela Meskhi
Difference: 8 years
The actress initially avoided the advances of her colleague. The wound from the break with her second husband, Igor Petrenko, was still too fresh. And the age difference frankly embarrassed her. However, Gela managed to win her heart with his unobtrusiveness and at the same time with tender care. He was always there at the right moment. The couple kept their romance secret for a long time, in June 2015 they legalized their relationship, and in September their daughter Bella was born. Now Ekaterina and Gela are raising four children together: three from the actress’s previous marriages and their little daughter.
Kristina Orbakaite and Mikhail Zemtsov
Difference: 7 years
They met on Mikhail's birthday in Miami. Since then, the businessman considers his meeting with Christina the best birthday present, and she herself does not hide her happiness. It should be noted that all the singer's previous relationships with men never brought her down the aisle. The singer jokes that the fathers of her sons never thought about marriage, so she simply could not reject Mikhail's proposal. Mikhail became for Christina not only the first official husband, but also the father of their daughter Claudia. Despite the fact that Christina is older than her husband, he affectionately calls her a child who can already begin to grow up. Christina frankly enjoys her happiness and does not hesitate to confess her love for her husband.
Yana Rudkovskaya and Evgeni Plushenko
Difference: 7 years
Feelings between Yana and Evgeny flared up literally from the first meeting, which took place during the preparations for Eurovision 2008. The producer was preparing Dima Bilan for the performance, and it seemed appropriate for her to participate in his number of the famous figure skater.
Already in 2009, the lovers legalized their relationship. Yana and Eugene do not consider their age difference critical, both are sure that this is not the main thing in a relationship. The main thing, no matter how trite it may sound, is the weather in the house, based on mutual love and respect between spouses.
Sam Taylor-Wood and Aaron Taylor-Johnson
Difference: 23 years
The age difference does not at all prevent the spouses from being happy and raising four daughters: two from their first marriage, Sam Taylor-Wood, and two joint children. Aaron invariably supports his wife in all her endeavors and does not take her eyes off her in love.
Their acquaintance took place at a time when she was already 42 years old, and he was only 19. Aaron played a major role in her film about John Lennon. By the time they met, she had experienced a painful divorce from her first husband and was able to defeat cancer twice. He literally persuaded her to marry him and not pay attention to the judgmental looks. The actor believes that he has a wise soul, and she has a young one. He tirelessly emphasizes that his wife and children are the meaning of his life.
Shakira and Gerard Pique
Difference: 10 years
The singer and football player consider the number 10 lucky for themselves. They were born on the same day, February 2, exactly a decade apart. They met in 2010 on the set of the singer's music video for the song "Waka waka". It was this composition that became the anthem of the world football championship in the same year. No matter how they tried to hide their relationship, they still had to reveal it, as required by the football player's management. Since then, Shakira and Gerard have been the object of close attention from fans of the singer and football fans.
From time to time there are rumors about their imminent wedding, but the lovers are in no hurry to the altar. As Shakira says, she is ready to give birth and raise an entire football team, but so far the couple has two sons. It seems that Gerard and Shakira do not notice their age difference, but simply enjoy their happiness.
It is more common for us when in a marriage or relationship a man is older than a woman. But women who marry a much younger man claim to have discovered the secret of happiness. Maybe you should take a closer look at these couples?
Tina Kandelaki
Presenter and producer Tina Kandelaki was married for a long time to her peer Andrei Kodrakhin, one of the owners of the Ascon clinic. But in 2010 they divorced, and in 2014 Tina married Vasily Brovko, who is 15 years younger than her. The host for a long time hid the name of her husband and the very fact of the wedding, only thanks to the ring on her finger did the fans know that everything was in order with the personal life of the star, but everything finally became clear in May 2016. Thanks to Twitter.
Britney Spears
Britney Spears, who made the whole world sing Baby One More Time, is no longer a baby, she is 36, she has a not very successful marriage with Kevin Federlane and a string of novels (including Justin Timberlake!) Her new boyfriend Sam Asgari is 24 years, she recently touchingly congratulated him on his birthday on Instagram. Sam calls her "the most beautiful woman in the world", and from their joint photos you can make a calendar for Valentine's Day.
Lera Kudryavtseva
When the host Lera Kudryavtseva married hockey player Igor Makarov, she probably could not think how many interesting things she would hear from people about their age difference. Lera at that time was 41 years old, and the groom was 28, last year they celebrated their fifth wedding anniversary. During this time, not a single interview was without a question about their marriage, and somehow the couple even recorded a video in which Lera appeared as an old woman (thanks to special applications!) Rumors about their divorce regularly appear in the press, haters rejoice, but so far without reason.
Yana Rudkovskaya
Many questions about why he chose an older woman were asked by figure skater Evgeni Plushenko. Evgeny is 35 years old, and his wife, TV presenter and producer Yana Rudovskaya, is 7 years older. Eugene constantly repeats that it’s not about age, but about how well people are together and talks about home “nicknames: his wife calls him Kotofey, and he calls her Kotofeevna.
Hugh Jackman
One of the sexiest men on the planet, Hugh Jackman is now 49 years old. And his wife Deborra-Lee Furness is 62. However, a solid age difference does not prevent the couple from living in a happy marriage for 18 years (Hugh and Deborra met in 1995, and got married exactly a year later) and raise two adopted children. In all interviews, Hugh Jackman calls his wife “the best mother in the world”, declares that he fell in love with her the very first minute they met and still does not know anyone more attractive.
Juliana Moore
Actress Juliana Moore, now 57, is happily married to director Bart Freundlich, who is 9 years her junior. Just imagine, they have been together since 1996, they have two children. Juliana admits that the initiative came from her, but now the most difficult thing is to find time to just be alone: either shooting, or children, or everyday life. But it seems that they are succeeding, otherwise they will not live 22 years!
Tina Turner
In July 2013, Tina Turner (now 78) married producer Erwin Bach (he is now 61). Before the wedding, they met for 27 years, Turner brushed off the standard questions: “We are already fine!”, But then they decided to legalize the relationship. They live in Switzerland, the singer even took the citizenship of this country, renouncing US citizenship.
Sam Taylor-Wood
Director Sam Taylor-Wood met Aaron Johnson when she was 42 and he was 19. He was the best fit for the role of John Lennon in her new film, and later for the role of her husband. They got married in 2012 and have four daughters (two common children and two girls from Sam's first marriage). Tricky questions are brushed aside - they say that age is a convention, and Aaron is much older and more serious at heart than Sam.
Joan Collins
The fifth husband of British actress Joan Collins (star of the TV series Dynasty) is producer Percy Gibson, 32 years her junior. Once, the actress was asked if she was embarrassed by the age difference, to which she replied: “If he dies, then he will die!” Can not argue.
We consider it normal if the man in the couple is the same age or older than the woman. Even for 15-20 years. But when it comes to relationships where the woman is older, we not only vehemently condemn such relationships, we stigmatize the woman who enters into such a relationship. Moreover, it is women who show particular rage and uncompromisingness: how is it that young girls do not have enough normal men, and here the “old women” step on their heels? Are they right or is it a banal female envy and narrow-mindedness: it should be, as is customary!?
Accepted by whom, why and most importantly - when? Dear supporters of feudal relations, you should accept the fact that the world is changing and relations, as part of this world, also do not stand still. The most optimal model of the relationship between a man and a woman is always being developed, based on the conditions of the present. And this is not a “translation of arrows”, but real facts that cannot be turned away from.
According to experts, the trend towards creating relationships when a woman is older than a man is gaining momentum, and this is not only about famous couples from show business or cinema. According to statistics, every fifth man chooses a woman 10 years older, and every ninth - with an age difference of more than 15 years. And this is not about a short-term romance, but about a full-fledged relationship.
Psychologists and sociologists say that in most cases this is not a tribute to fashion, but a real sign of our time. Everything seems to be clear with a woman, but why does a man need an older woman? Why does she attract him? And why is the number of such couples steadily growing?
The issue of awareness of choice
If we discard the prejudices of post-Soviet upbringing, it turns out that mature women have many advantages, thanks to which men choose them, and not their peers. Moreover, most men make this choice consciously, and not according to the principle: choice without choice. Every normal man is pragmatic and evaluates everything according to the degree of rationality and optimality. And today we are not talking about infantile sissies or gigolos - no. It's about men who have realized the clear benefits of a relationship with a woman older than themselves. True, some men do not realize these benefits immediately, but after some time, being in a relationship with a more mature woman. But these are details. Let's get to the heart of the matter.
Fact Analysis
I am sure that one of the main advantages of an older woman is her sexual emancipation. Adult women are the best mistresses, they, as a rule, are not shy about their desires, because. they know how to fully concentrate on their feelings, they know how to give both themselves and their man real pleasure. A mature woman gives herself to the process entirely, not caring about what is possible and what is not.
What else is attractive in an older woman?
An adult woman attracts a man with her independence. She does not need to be coddled and entertained. She will not make a scene if a man does not call for some reason for a "whole" hour. And this is not only a real saving of time and efforts of a man, and with an almost identical result in the end. And often more interesting. What am I talking about?
It is much more interesting to spend time with an adult woman, communicate, discuss, discuss various topics from politics to joint weekends. Education, awareness, life experience - these traits attract many men.
A smart, independent mature woman will never restrict the freedom of her man. After all, she has her own interesting, eventful life, she does not need to be entertained and entertained all the time - this is a one-way game, and for a serious relationship, investments are needed from both sides. Therefore, it is more comfortable for a man to be in a relationship with an accomplished woman. And although the appearance of a woman is very important for men, nevertheless, for a considerable number of men, interest, independence and trust are more attractive than the elastic muscles of the buttocks or chest.
Why does a man need an older woman? There are legends about the emotionality of women and especially young girls. Girls often play real dramas and make scandals, which is called "out of the blue." For example, if a man does not call the day after a date or follows another girl with his eyes. An adult independent woman will not become hysterical or throw a jealousy scene about this, she will be able to maintain her composure in any situation. Even truly critical. Why? Yes, because she has considerable experience in responding to such situations. And then she knows how to distinguish the main from the secondary, so she won’t needlessly wag the nerves of her beloved man. And no one needs unbalanced persons, a man wants to see an adequate woman next to him.
Adult women know the secrets of relationships in a couple, many of them have learned to bypass the traps. They understand where it is necessary to insist on their own opinion, and where it is worth giving in, which cannot be said about young inexperienced women. Adult women have more experience in serious relationships, so it is not difficult for them to find a solution that suits both. In addition, they have significantly fewer illusions about a man, so it is not particularly difficult for them to put up with some of his features of his character or habits. An adequate adult woman has no reason to compete or fight with a man, she clearly understands how important it is to live with a man who is sensitive to your desires and mood.
Another important factor. A girl often does not appreciate a man, taking his care, attention and help for granted. In addition, she likes to attract the attention of other men around. She flirts with them not only to boost her self-esteem, but often to make her man jealous in order to manipulate him. An adequate loving woman will first of all think about the feelings of a man, about his ability to trust her, because it was not in vain that he chose her. It is very important for absolutely every man to know that he is the best and the woman is faithful to him. Loyalty is the basis of trust and it is this quality that underlies any happy relationship.
A mature woman, according to female psychology in a relationship, understands herself and her needs well. Therefore, in a relationship with a man, she will not play cat and mouse, but will immediately clearly show that she needs him. Knowing and understanding herself, as well as well distinguishing true values from imaginary ones, an adult woman truly appreciates the time spent with her beloved, and knows how to be grateful to a man, which distinguishes her favorably from a younger woman. Men really appreciate it.
What else gives a man an alliance with a more mature woman? Every smart man is looking for opportunities for development. Not every adult independent woman is the owner of a large business with an influential environment, but she has already achieved something in life, has taken place as a person, has considerable experience, she is pragmatic and active. A smart man will not miss such a chance for his own development. After all, passion weakens after the first, but deep understanding, resonance, intimacy, trust and experience remain and become an elevator that lifts both partners up.
Yes, it is worth recognizing that not only normal adequate men are drawn to mature women, but also oversized infantiles stuck in childhood, gigolos of all stripes and simply insecure personalities. But what can such a man offer an adult, independent smart woman? Therefore, it is unlikely that he will linger for a long time next to her.
Favorite topic - the difference in the age of a man and a woman
First of all, it is a matter of accepting your age and yourself. It doesn't matter what others say about you, but what you think about yourself. To be able to accept your age means to find beauty, joy, interest, depth, clarity, advantages in it. This is not easy, but not impossible for a person with intelligence.
Living with a man younger than yourself means not only trying to be in good physical shape, taking care of yourself, paying special attention to your appearance and emotions. First of all, it means being able and able to maintain his rhythm of life, and in all senses: physical movement, thought process, development as a person, etc. This is, first of all, her ease of uplift, energy, desire for change.
What definitely not to do
You should not turn into a "mommy" for your beloved, who constantly educates him, just as you should not become his "daughter", lisp with him, calling him by all means diminutive nicknames. This is a sin of many women and not only of Balzac age, who have a relationship with a man much younger than themselves.
If you have chosen such a relationship, then you need a clear balance: not a “mommy” and not a “daughter”, but an adult smart woman.
The second factor. Don't do something "in his name". This is a dead end with all the consequences - expectations, grievances, claims and other ballast crap.
And finally the third. Don't fixate on competitors. Always keep your eyes on yourself and compare yourself to yourself yesterday. And do not forget that activity, vigor, creativity, versatile interests and ease of climbing really attract men at any age.
Love to you and a strong serious relationship!
About marriages in which a man is 15-25 years older than his chosen one, caused an unprecedented flurry of emotions and heated discussions on the forum. And this despite the fact that such couples have already become quite familiar and, it seems, should not surprise anyone in particular. But unions, where a man, on the contrary, is younger than a woman by more than ten years, are still “permissible” only to “stars”. And then, Pugachev with Galkin and Emmanuel Macron with his wife Bridget were not “rinsed” only by the lazy. What can we say about ordinary couples living next door to us! ..
“Almost all my novels were with guys 10-19 years younger”
Natalia and Roman (age difference - 14 years):
“At 18-19 years old, it was strange for me to even assume that people live (I mean, really full, eventful lives) after 30. A woman at 35 seemed to me already very old, interested only in children, family chores and work. And the fact that at this age there can still be some kind of romantic relationship seemed to me nonsense. And even more so, I didn’t imagine that young handsome guys could be interested in women at such an “advanced” age.
I got married for the first time at 23. My husband was 7 years older than me, was a caring and loving spouse. There was no falling in love, there were good relations, and it seemed to me that this was quite enough for family life. However, as life has shown, I was wrong. Time passed, I grew both morally and financially, I wanted to move forward hand in hand with a person who was ready for experiments. But my first husband, unfortunately, was not ready for this, and after 7 years we broke up. At the same time, they remained friends, and our son felt, as far as possible, the care of both parents.
It so happened that at work I had a young team - guys who had just graduated from high school. And everywhere outside of work, I was also surrounded by guys younger than me. And so, at the age of 30, with some surprise, I began to notice that 20-year-old boys were showing attention to me. And it turned out that I was really comfortable being in this energy of youth and movement. I was interested in the sparkling of these guys, their spontaneity, ability to quickly navigate in the circumstances, the flexibility of the mind ... Well, outwardly, the difference in age between them and me was almost imperceptible.
At the age of 31, I had a boyfriend (10 years younger), with whom I began my first serious relationship after marriage. It was a stormy and passionate romance. We had similar interests and passions, we traveled, went to concerts, he became a true friend to my nine-year-old son. But he was from a very archaic family. Dad is 7 years older than mom, they came from the area, they decided to give their son a chance for a better life, and a woman with a “trailer”, and even at the age of 30, was not included in their plans. There was a lot of pressure from my parents. Both for him and for me. His father came to me at work, urged me to leave his son, and his mother cut her veins, went to the hospital. On the basis of such a nervous situation, we parted and converged, and as a result, these seven-year relationships did not lead to anything. I decided to break this vicious circle and start a new life.
Natalia is a winner of various international beauty contests, such as Mrs. Universe, Mrs. Europe and others. At the age of 38, while running in the yard with a dog, I met a very nice young man. He was very persistent, called constantly, arranged waiting at the door, was very caring and always at the right time was there. At first I didn't know how old he was. But when it turned out that there was a 19-year difference between us, I was very embarrassed. But I was gladly accepted by all his relatives, they turned out to be wonderful interesting people without any prejudices. And we got married, although my relatives and friends were, to put it mildly, shocked. The wedding was grandiose: with a limousine, two wedding dresses, a bouquet, a bride price, photographers ... But life began after the fairy tale. It turned out that joint trips to the concerts of Max Korzh, my wild fright from the "outrageousness" of juvenile fans and climbing fire trucks at night - this is not exactly what I need. It turned out that we perceive the world in completely different ways. And less than six months later, I felt the futility of such a relationship.
I met my current husband quite by accident, when I no longer wanted any relationship with anyone, many kilometers from Minsk, in the Glubokoe district of the Vitebsk region.
There, in one of the estates, a good friend invited me to go to work. We arrived at night, April 1, in the pouring rain, in some wilderness. We almost got stuck in a ditch, where, after all the misadventures, we were met by the owner of the estate. I was struck by how this “deep Schumacher”, accompanying us to the estate, famously drove an old “Opel” with one headlight, skillfully maneuvering around corners ... He was a tall guy with sky-blue eyes and a bewitching timbre of voice. My first thought was: “I wonder if he is married…?”
Roman was not married. And his age - 26 years - I was not even surprised. I fell in love instantly. And under various pretexts, she continued to come to the estate, enjoying communication with Roman. I was very interested and I felt real.
It hasn't even been six months since we got married.
There was no wedding: we just signed, but that was enough for us, because we were completely absorbed in each other. The fourteen-year age difference did not stop, and the opinion of others, when there really is an attraction to each other, does not matter.
We have our wedding anniversary in a month. What can be said about us: we just live, life itself will put everything in its place. And no matter what the age difference is, the main thing is that there is no difference in feelings.
“There were thoughts: what if in 10 years I will grow old dramatically? But I chose to live in the here and now.”
Olga and Andrey (age difference - 12 years):
“We met Andrew 4 years ago. I was 35 then, he was 23. I worked as a salesman, and for several months he walked and made eyes at me, complimented me and invited me to drink coffee ... At that time I thought that he was 5-7 years younger than me, which in general is normal, because I already had experience of such relationships (though unsuccessful). But it turned out that he was younger than me by as much as 12 years!
Of course, starting such a relationship was scary. A thousand questions swirled in my head: “What is wrong with him? What's wrong with me? Or maybe everything in us is like that, and this is love? .. "
On the first date, we drank coffee in the car near McDonald's, because I only had free time in the mornings, but he agreed. The second date was with my daughter (she was 8 at the time): we just took a walk in the park, and I saw how he would react to the child. And after the third date, by coincidence, he simply stayed with me to live (although he is provided with housing). Well, then ... Then just life went on: the way it should be in a normal and happy family. Business, worries, rest ...
Less than a year later, he proposed to me. So beautiful: on the seashore, with flowers, champagne, ring and fireworks. Of course, I agreed. Then a beautiful wedding, everything is as it should be: both a ransom and a white dress ... Well, what about ?! He's the first time!
Oh, how the mother-in-law grumbled, oh, how her girlfriends gloated! “She wants to tie him up, she needs something from him!” And I still don’t understand what I could need from him, besides love. Apartment? Thanks, I have mine. Car? Yes, somehow you don’t need it, but if you need it, you can borrow it from your mother. Dacha? There is also one, and one is mine, and the second is my mother's. Big salary? Of course, as a man, he earns more than me, but not that much ... The mother-in-law was not particularly happy even at the wedding. She reconciled with our family only after almost three years. And that's good.
It's great that at that moment all my friends supported me, fortunately, all people are adults and self-sufficient - with every right to spit on the opinions of others. There was only one question: “Won’t you become a“ second mother ”to him? Not! He turned out to be the first man in my life who is ready to solve my problems, problems in my house and free me from any responsibility. At 23, he felt older than some of my peers. And he was very much ahead of his peers in personal development, in strength of character and life wisdom. He was no longer interested in "teenage" entertainment such as clubs and "disposable" girls who wanted dance, sex and gifts, often without any obligations. And he already wanted his family, home comfort and warmth, love and care.
He has an excellent relationship with my daughter Anyutka, who is already 12. Andrey was very afraid that he would not be able to behave properly with the child. And initially spoiled her more. I tried not to scold, although there is always something to scold children for. And now he somehow very competently, and at the level of intuition, set all the priorities correctly.
As for the peculiarities of marriage with such a difference in age, I would say that for a woman this is a very big incentive to keep herself in good shape. After all, you want to look like a spouse. Yes, and I do not want to be strongly squinted. And, by the way, when I am “smart enough” to say out loud how old I am according to my passport, he (such a good fellow!) Always says that I made a mistake somewhere in the numbers, and in fact I am much younger. And psychologically, we are always comfortable. My feminine wisdom, which has come over the years, extinguishes a lot of conflicts and difficult situations in the bud. It seems to me that if I had met a person like my husband five years earlier, then we would hardly have succeeded.
Of course, especially at the beginning of the relationship, I thought a lot about what would happen next. In 5, 10, 15 years. And how will it be? What if I can't give birth? What if I get too old and it happens abruptly? But in the end, I came to the conclusion: I will be happy here and now. And how long will it last? .. Yes, it doesn’t matter! Not all people are given to know what love is, unfortunately. And if God sent me this happiness, then I will live in it. And it doesn't matter how long it takes.
I believe that love is the main criterion for choosing a life partner. If a person makes another person happy, then what's the difference, to whom and how much. And if a woman is older than a man, then I would like to wish men to be men, not sons. And for women to remain women, not to "punch" their beloved, but to elevate him in his own eyes. And so that there are no doubts, as my husband had at first: they say, I'm still small, they don't perceive me as an equal. And the woman should not have thoughts that sooner or later he will find himself younger. May he not look younger if you remain attractive! Young girls, apart from youth, no longer have any advantages, and youth is very fleeting ...
We need to support each other. Care about each other. To have a family, and not just "legalized sex."
According to the traditions that have developed among almost all peoples of the world, at all times men preferred to marry young girls. And this has been happening for centuries.
Such a choice of a man was considered quite natural. After all, the spouse was considered as a breadwinner and a hunter. He had to support his family, and therefore he must already be an adult and an accomplished person. The young wife was assigned the role of a caring wife, giving birth to her husband's children and giving him rest from business.
Of course, such marriages were not always ideal. The fact that the man was older than the woman, you can see both pluses and minuses. However, times have changed. Today, it is increasingly possible to meet such marriages when a woman is older than a man by 10 years, or even more. And it doesn't come as much of a surprise to anyone. How strong are such alliances? What problems await couples of different ages? Let's try to understand this issue.
Number of marriages of different ages
What does statistics say about families where the wife is 10 years older than her husband? According to her data, the number of such marriages is steadily increasing. For example, in the capital of Russia, the city of Moscow, 60,000 new families are formed in just one year. Of these, almost 1 thousand are marriages in which the woman is older than the man by 10 years or more. The data of Moscow sociologists indicate that there is also a large number of so-called civil unions of different ages. There are five times more of them than those that are officially registered. Interestingly, the city of Philadelphia (USA) occupies the leading place in the world in terms of the number of marriages of different ages, where the partner is older than the man.
Nuances
What are the most common marital relationships with a woman 10 years older? In this case, not only age plays an important role. Of great importance for building relationships in the family are the psychological characteristics of each of the spouses. Not the last are the personal characteristics of partners, as well as their value system.
Experts are sure that tying your relationship only to age is not worth it. The fact that the wife is 10 years older matters only when it affects almost all areas of married life.
The strength of such a union to a large extent depends on the perception of age (both one's own and the partner's), as well as on the distribution of leadership roles in the family. A sense of mutual respect, as well as self-esteem of each of the spouses, also becomes important. And this, as a rule, depends on the level of culture that people have, on their life values and attitudes.
Reasons for developing relationships
Why do men seek marriages of different ages? The woman is older, and therefore more experienced. Many representatives of the stronger sex just like it.
Very often, brides turn out to be older than their suitors, if they have this Mature woman already knows exactly what she wants. It is distinguished by openness and life experience behind it. She does not hide her aspirations, and in this regard, a man is very interested in her in all respects. For him, such communication is also an excellent life school.
In addition, the fact that a man fell in love with a woman 10 years older may indicate his unpopularity among his peers. In such cases, such young people often develop comfortable and very reliable relationships only with mature ladies.
material side
If a woman is 10 years older than a man, then she, most likely, has already taken place professionally and has managed to achieve success by climbing the career ladder. A good job allows her to be financially independent and not need the financial support of her husband.
How is this issue considered in psychology? A woman 10 years older than a man, with her financial independence, will definitely act as a teacher. Her partner will get the role of the student. In other words, in such a relationship, desires unconscious by both partners will always be realized. One of them (namely a woman) will strive for leadership, and the second (man) - for submission. In cases where both partners have just such motives, their relationship will be quite comfortable.
Intimate side
It is known that sexual relations play an important role in any marriage, including those of different ages. What does psychology say about this side of the question? A woman older than a man by 10 years, with an ardent temperament, needs the attention of her partner. Her desire to have an active sex life is not always able to satisfy a peer. That is why, most often, on a subconscious level, such a woman starts looking for a young partner. At the same time, during intimate meetings, she is not at all a passive participant in them. Most often, such ladies act as an equal partner or even a leader.
Maternal instinct
How else can you explain the emergence of a relationship when a woman in a couple is 10 years older? The reason for this may be hypertrophied maternal instinct. After all, such women are already independent and adults. Some of them could not realize themselves in motherhood, while others have grown up children and do not need their care. In this case, a young man can act as a child.
This type of marriage is considered complimentary. This name comes from the French word complementaire, which means “to complement”. Relations between spouses in such a marriage are built in the form of "parent-child". In other words, a woman in such a relationship performs parental functions.
What are the causes of such marriages? They lie in the structure of the personality of the husband and wife. As a rule, these are people who are dependent on relationships and have unmet needs for affection and parental love.
Risk factors
If an unequal marriage is entered into and a woman is 10 years older than her partner, then psychologists say that such an age difference makes such a union more vulnerable. Of course, real feelings can arise between people. But it is known that all ages are submissive to love. However, not all the most romantic, passionate and vibrant relationships can pass the test of truth. Some of them are destroyed under the influence of everyday life, others are defenseless against the inexorably current time, the third have irreconcilable contradictions, and the fourth cannot withstand the difficulties that come with the advent of a child. At the same time, psychologists are of the opinion that in families in which the spouse is younger than their soulmate, the chances of a happy existence decrease with an increase in the age difference between husband and wife.
Of course, marriages between peers are not immune from trials. And this is confirmed by the current divorce statistics. However, in those unions where the age difference is expressed not in favor of the man, there are many additional risk factors.
wife leadership
Is it worth building a relationship with a woman 10 years older? Many young men are attracted to such ladies by self-confidence, independence and independence. But it should be borne in mind that these qualities are far from always a positive side for family life. In a house where matriarchy reigns, a man unwittingly plays secondary roles. Of course, for the time being, this may well suit him. However, after the spouse feels mature enough and self-sufficient, conflicts will certainly arise.
There is another point that is connected with children. If the mother is 10 years older than the father and controls him, then the child will certainly feel the fall of the father's authority. Naturally, this will definitely affect his relationship with him. At the same time, the self-esteem of a man as a father will also suffer.
Unequal Roles
Sometimes, when a woman is 10 years older than a man, she begins to overprotect and teach her husband. And sometimes a wife tries to become a favorite "girl" for her lover. In this case, the relationship becomes invalid and cannot be harmonious. So, if a woman communicates with a young spouse like a mother, then in return from his side she receives devotion and respect. In such a situation, the spouse does not seek to have children, because her husband plays the role of the child. Helping in the formation of her own "I", the wife most often forgets about her interests and about her life. She focuses so much on the desires and feelings of her husband that she ceases to understand her desires and feelings.
According to psychologists, such a risk can be avoided. But at the same time, a woman should not talk to her lover as if she were a small child. She should not explicitly emphasize the difference in age, as well as her wisdom, success, experience, stress resistance, and life experience. After all, husband and wife are first and foremost partners. And ideally, they should communicate as equals, based on the “adult-adult” model. And this should apply to all aspects of life.
difference in interests
If a woman is 10 years older, the compatibility of spouses is sometimes called into question due to the fact that they are not representatives of the same generation. So, a young husband may like noisy companies, where he will strive with all his heart. The wife will like quiet evenings and home comfort.
Or she prefers theater, and he loves computer games, etc. If there are no common interests, then such a fact will certainly make the difference in age even more tangible. In this case, there is a high probability of significant disagreements between spouses.
relationship to parenting
As a rule, a man matures much later for fatherhood than a woman for motherhood. And if the wife is 10 years older than her husband, then this problem is even more aggravated. A mature woman has an urgent need to become a mother and give birth to a child. But the future father, most likely, believes that he still needs to "live for himself", that he is "not ready" or "did not get on his feet."
Well, if a child does appear, then a man who is used to the tender care of his beloved suddenly discovers that he lacks attention. This fact is a classic cause of intra-family conflicts.
Children from previous marriages
If the wife in the family is older than her husband, then she most likely already has experience in building marital relations. Most likely, she already has children. Of course, this situation is quite common. However, such a child, even without suspecting it himself, is a kind of catalyst for marital relations. And if there are hidden problems in the relationship of the newlyweds, they will certainly discover and exacerbate them. Often, the presence of a child separates two people who wholeheartedly want to be together, but are not able to overcome the difficulties that have arisen together.
Women's complexes
According to psychologists, a woman who has married a man much younger than herself seeks to increase her self-esteem. And this is quite natural. After all, it is unlikely that a spouse who is not self-confident will be a good wife. She will begin to suspect a man of infidelity, will begin to demand any evidence of the sincerity of his feelings. In addition, her grievances will arise literally out of the blue. However, not all women are able to remain self-confident at the moment when they begin to show signs of aging, and the husband enters the heyday of attractiveness. It is also sad that many young spouses, over time, suddenly begin to realize that their marriage was unsuccessful and “trial”.
School of Life
It has long been established that partners who live together become very similar to each other over time, not only in character, but also in appearance. At the same time, because of his age, the young spouse is waiting for big changes than his soulmate. A man will make every effort to grow up to the level of his betrothed. The woman will certainly help him in this, passing on her life experience, as well as the wisdom that has already come over the years. She constantly pushes and inspires her beloved to new achievements, while protecting and supporting him. Without wives who play the role of an older friend, such men feel lonely. Psychologists note that it is in such pairs that the partner quickly achieves self-confidence, achieving positive results in the emotional state, as well as in climbing the career ladder.
The role of the young spouse is also important. He brings romance to family relationships, and also introduces his wife to modern trends, for example, those related to computer technology. Due to his age, such a husband will not limit the actions of a woman, as well as instruct or reproach her. The wife will appreciate it very much. With such a husband, she will certainly feel self-confident, more free.
Based on this, it can be argued that a marriage in which a woman is 10 years older than a man is beneficial to both. The wife supports and "grows" her beloved, cultivating useful qualities in him and helping to get on his feet. For a woman, such a marriage is good because her life becomes filled with meaning. It increases self-esteem through a sense of self-importance. Being near a young man, she feels more confident, joyful, young and free.
How to achieve harmony?
Many psychologists are familiar with the mood of women who are married to young men. From the very beginning of the relationship, such ladies begin to tune in to the fact that their union will certainly fall apart. Women are more than sure that they have only a few years of family happiness ahead of them. And they agree to it. However, psychologists warn that such an attitude can lead to underlying self-doubt. In this case, the woman will begin to get nervous, feel powerless, or become depressed. The reason for all these states is the fear of losing the betrothed, which can cause the spouse to make quite serious mistakes. Psychologists recommend never reminding a man that he is younger. In addition, the spouse should not give vent to her jealousy. Indeed, in this case, her partner will feel like a puppy who is kept on a short leash. The absence of external negative emotions will allow you to maintain love and respect in the family.
Often a woman on a subconscious level tunes in to an inevitable divorce, believing that it simply cannot be otherwise. Psychologists in this case recommend remembering that a person’s thoughts are material. That is why they recommend giving a slightly different setup, which will be more optimistic. Of course, relationships in marriage will certainly develop, consistently passing through various stages. They just can't be perfect all the time. The transition from one stage to another is accompanied by a series of crises. And this is a common thing for any relationship and couples, regardless of the age of the spouses. Of course, age difference can be a problem. However, it is the same for those families where the wife is older than the husband, and for those where she is younger than him.
Psychologists believe that you should not give up on relationships that are believed to have no future. There is no single recipe for making decisions about whether or not to be such a marriage. Everything will depend on the specific case. After all, all ages are submissive to love. This feeling is not subject to any rules, and for it there are no boundaries. If a woman wants to be desired and loved and knows how to achieve this, then she will certainly save her family. After all, unions created on sincere and mutual feelings cannot be hindered by any restrictions. Each couple has their own formula for love and ideal relationships, which allows them to be together. But if this is not the case, then the age difference, which is significant, will only hasten the separation.
