Fear and fear - why the child is afraid to go to school. The child is afraid to go to school
It's hard to get used to studying after the holidays, and there is such a long third quarter ahead! At some point, you get sad. And in anxious children, problems that had fallen asleep reappear. And one of them is school fears, which are often intensified due to changes in the rhythm of life, workload, illnesses.
School for children is the main society. It has a lot of responsibilities and desires associated with it. Not surprisingly, most of the fears are concentrated here. One student is unsure of himself and is afraid to raise his hand, another finds it difficult to communicate with classmates. Often there is a fear of test work, and quite often schoolchildren, especially younger ones, are afraid of the teacher. Anxiety is different, and they depend on the nature of the child and his psychological defense.
Fear itself is not always unambiguously harmful. It saves us from unnecessary risk, helps us adapt to the situation. But sometimes anxiety becomes constant and greatly complicates life. Then it is necessary to pay serious attention to the emotional state of the child and think about the reasons for its deterioration.
Fear or excitement?
The word "afraid" for children does not always mean fear. So the child can name other sensations: “I don’t feel like it,” “I’m worried.” Help your son or daughter understand their feelings. “When it is really a school neurosis, its manifestations (depression or aggression) intensify during the period of study,” explains Tatyana Avdulova, associate professor of the department of developmental psychology at Moscow State Pedagogical University. “If the condition improves during the holidays, the child enthusiastically discusses various topics, but at the same time rejects everything related to school, this is an occasion to take a closer look at the situation.”
Who is more afraid
The easiest way is to blame the problems on an overly picky teacher. It happens, of course, but more often the reasons are much deeper. It is important to pay attention to relationships at home. Anxiety, like a sprout that falls into prepared soil, develops when psychological protection is reduced. It is formed in the family.
Anxious "seedlings":
1. Constant parental dissatisfaction. Then the child is always waiting for trouble, self-doubt arises. Such children may be afraid of everything.
2. Excessive demands. Increased demands deprive the child of comfort: they do not understand him even in the family. There is a feeling of inferiority. Lyudmila Anshakova, psychologist: “Children are afraid of what they can be punished for. Nevertheless, there is a desire to break the ban, and a vicious circle is obtained. The image of parents at the school door or another authority figure (teacher) is intimidating. Specific fears (of closed doors) appear.”
3. Overprotection. Children who are not accustomed to making decisions on their own are not easy in a peer group.
Practice
1. If you are afraid to go to school
This often happens after holidays or illness. Invite your son or daughter to agree with one of their classmates and go to school together.
2. If you are afraid to raise your hand and go to the board
Often parents persuade the child not to be afraid and thereby fix the fear. “It makes more sense to focus on a specific reason: were you afraid because you didn’t learn well or didn’t know the answer for sure?” - comments Lyudmila Anshakova.
3. Fear of answering wrong
Learn to manage an anxious situation: "You have the opportunity to prepare (learn a lesson, think about how to behave)." Practice speaking in public more often. It's easier to speak in third person. Play as if it is not the child himself who speaks, but the one whom he portrays.
4. When excited
Explain to the children that it is a positive feeling that spurs action. Excitement can be moderated by simple tricks - take a deep breath, think over the first phrase.
5. Before the test
Do not exaggerate its meaning ("You need to sleep, because tomorrow is a test!"). Translate the event into the category of ordinary (“Such checks in life happen all the time”).
6. If the student is afraid of the teacher
There are, of course, cases when it is more reasonable to change the teacher, but first it makes sense to work with the situation. In any case, explain to the child the meaning of school requirements: this is not the arbitrariness of the teacher, but the desire to comply with general rules. Play different situations: the child becomes a teacher, and one of the parents becomes a student.
7. When insecure
Parental control should not be step-by-step, but final. For example, we ask you to buy bread, but we do not say which one and in which store.
8. With difficulties in communication
Invite classmates to visit, come up with interesting events. Try to ensure that in a new company or in a new place the child is not alone, but with one of the familiar people.
9. For all situations
Hardening, a clear daily routine, walks before bedtime help to cope with anxiety and fear. What if the fears intensify with the onset of darkness? “By the end of the day, physical fatigue accumulates, and then anxiety fades into the background,” explains psychologist Lyudmila Anshakova. - Parents are nearby, the body is already a little relaxed, nothing happened. As a result, fears are clouded.”
10. Anatomize fears
We talk or draw. The image can be caged, glossed over, or completely torn. The main thing is to bring emotions to the surface, not to keep them in yourself.
Fear of school and reluctance to go there is increasingly common in children. Why is the child afraid of school?
Not all, but many parents go through a child's fear of school. It seems that the child is waiting for the time when he goes to the first grade. This is how it prepares. And then - bam! - the desire disappears, and whims, tantrums, persuasion begin. This can happen on the first day, or any other in the middle of the school year.
Such a terrible school.
Finally, you and your child waited until September 1st. Festive mood, white blouses, jackets, bows, briefcases and bouquets are pleasing to the eye everywhere. The first line, the first lesson, the first acquaintances. Everything is better than you could imagine.
But a couple of days pass, and an unexpected thunderstorm breaks into your safe haven. The child begins to throw tantrums, does not want to go to school, and no persuasion works. It can be silent crying with pleading in the eyes and requests never to take him to such a terrible school again. And it can result in a loud riot with the release of emotions and hatred.
You don't recognize the child. You don't understand what could have happened. First, you try to find out the reasons from the first grader himself, but this does not always bear fruit. Then it's time to come for explanations to the teacher. Of course, there are times when something really happened at school. Then it's easier to decide. You can influence the child and calm him down. But what to do, for example, when there is no apparent reason?
Your child cannot point to specific reasons, and the teacher did not notice anything wrong. It is this situation that is usually very frustrating and tormenting. Where does fear come from and why is a child afraid to go to school? How to influence, help, correct, if you do not see what exactly needs to be corrected? The answer is given by Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology".
Feeling safe is the basis of life
It's no secret that parents play the most important role in a child's life. Them the internal state and behavior (especially of the mother) is fully reflected in the child as in a mirror. From birth to school, the child is one with his mother. If she is calm and confident in the future, does not suffer from fears, depression, bad conditions, then the child is completely sure that he is safe.
If the mother herself is in a bad state, even with a smile on her face, then it is useless to expect calmness and confidence from the child. If mom is nervous, then he is in danger. Most of the fears in children come from here.
Such a stressful state stops the mental development of the child. No matter how you develop him in circles and sections, he will not be mentally ready for school. Taking him to a psychologist or a doctor is also useless. They will not be able to give what depends only on you. If there is no protection and peace at home, then at school it is even worse - there are no parents there.
And vice versa, if the child feels constant protection and calmness from his mother, he is sure that everything is fine. There is no tension, no stress - so there is no need to be afraid. Such a first grader is calm and balanced. He knows that the world is not hostile. Nothing threatens him, because mom is calm, even if she is not always there.
A child needs a sense of security and safety from the very first minute after birth and until graduation - at least! This is the most important condition, which practically guarantees that your child will be free from unreasonable fears. Less likely that the child will be afraid of school.
Ranking in the children's team
There is another important condition for quick and painless adaptation to school - kindergarten. From the age of three, a person begins to perceive himself as part of a team. He needs to find his place in it - without the participation of parents. The best age for this is from three to six. Just in time for kindergarten. Socialization must necessarily occur at this age.
Learning to interact with other children, understanding their role in society, the child will feel confident. By going to first grade, he will be fully adapted and mentally prepared. Naturally, with such a child there will be fewer problems at school or there will be none at all.
If your child has not attended kindergarten, then all socialization will begin in the first grade. This brings certain problems. The age has already been missed, the separation from the mother is even harder, and most of the children have already passed it. In such children, most often, there is a fear when they get into a large team, with which they have to be left alone.
But even if your child was not in kindergarten, is strongly attached to his mother and suddenly felt all the horror of changes when going to first grade, he can and should be helped to go through the adaptation process as gently as possible. And by accurately understanding the causes of problems, this is much easier to do.
The child is afraid of school: reasons
Fear in children does not appear from scratch. There are quite clear reasons for this, which arise depending on the properties of the child, given by nature. Training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan helps to figure out what properties are inherent in your child and what he may be afraid of.
We single out the main groups of reasons why a child may lose the desire to go to school, what he may be afraid of:
1. Fear of standing out, drawing attention to yourself, being different from everyone else and becoming an outcast because of this.
2. Fear of doing something wrong, not having time to finish; that he will not be praised, scolded, laughed at.
3. Fear that everyone is screaming and running around, there is no saving silence, to which he is used to at home.
Each group may include one fear or several at once. There are also children for whom all of the above is not a problem. If “something is wrong” is happening to your child, it’s time to figure out what it is.
It is also necessary to take into account that younger students do not yet have sufficient cultural restrictions, they are often cruel towards a classmate who stands out in some way. It may be an unusual name, a flaw in appearance. Ridicule and neglect will inevitably lead to reluctance to go to school.
Fear of not being like everyone else
Not a single child wants to stand out, to be different, children want to be like everyone else so as not to become an outcast. But more often such fear is inherent in children with a visual vector. These babies are initially born with a sense of fear as a basic emotion. With proper development, fear for oneself develops into its opposite - love for others and sensuality. In the meantime, fear is natural; it is important to know how to respond to it.
Children with a visual vector, not feeling protected from their mother and not having socialization skills, are the first to become targets of harassment. The weaker physically, often cry, react emotionally to every little thing, they feel sorry for everyone and always.
They are afraid to go to school. At the same time, they are driven by the desire to communicate, to learn something new, to be in a team. They cannot imagine themselves without emotions and emotional connections. Therefore, the contradiction - both scary and desirable - is about them.
Such a first-grader needs to be supported in an effort to get a portion of communication, to learn something new, to see what he has not seen yet. You just need to encourage him to share something tasty with new friends and help those who need help in everything. He gets extraordinary pleasure from this process. It is laid down by nature, so it will be very useful. In addition, for a flock of children, a child who is able to share, help disinterestedly, will be the most desirable for communication. Others will be attracted to him, he will never be an outcast, and this applies to all children.
Fear of being laughed at
It happens only in children with the so-called anal vector. By nature, these are the most obedient children, attached to their mother, who is their ideal. They are slow, very thorough and do not like to switch from one thing to another without completing the first one. For them, praise is the most important thing. They tend to be offended and do not tolerate ridicule in their address. Again, with proper development, these qualities turn into the most positive ones.
Such a child should not be rushed. Never and in nothing. Give him time to finish everything. Then be sure to praise, but in moderation. It also cannot be overdone. He immediately senses the trick. In no case should you laugh at him and make fun of him if something does not work out. Otherwise, resentment can remain in memory for life. And the memory of these children is the best.
When going to school, a child with an anal vector should be encouraged for a special craving for knowledge, and it will definitely be if it develops without delay; praise for good grades, for the cleanliness and accuracy of the notebook. He especially needs support. You can tell him that it would be useful to explain the incomprehensible to his classmates, to help them understand something.
It would be very good to talk with the teacher so that he tries to pull and rush such a student less. Well, the constant support of parents is the most important thing for a leisurely child.
If loud noises at recess cause horror
In every team there is always a child (or even more than one) who is used to standing on the sidelines, does not participate in running around, and when screaming, covers his ears with his hands. This is the owner of the sound vector. He is often considered out of this world. But he's more than normal. It is he who may be afraid of school because of the noisy environment in the classroom.
A child with a sound vector is an introvert. He cannot stand large companies and loud noises. It is hard for him to get used to the school and join the team. Potentially, such a child is the most brilliant. He always tries to comprehend the meaning, hears sounds very subtly, often has an absolute ear for music, and is prone to science. He can become an outstanding scientist or musician.
But again, this is potential. To do this, he needs to be in silence. At least at home.
A child with a sound vector needs to create absolute silence at home. You can't yell at him or even raise your voice. It is quiet speech and whispers that he is best able to hear. In no case should you humiliate him with meanings, call him stupid or stupid, say that nothing will come of him. From this, the child loses the ability to hear, think, perceive. He withdraws into himself and disconnects from the world.
Psychology That Gets Results
Nowadays, most often children are born with several vectors. Accordingly, the properties are combined in them different. It is from this that one must proceed when preparing a child for school.
“... I now understand that she did not have a sense of security and safety, that all my visual fears directly affect her, and from birth. But at that time I found the only reason for this behavior. School! 1st grade stress will pass. On that I calmed down. At this time, my brother's wife began to listen to lectures on SVP and periodically hint that it would be nice for me to at least read, but it would be better to listen for myself and for the sake of the family, etc ...
... I tried to focus on the child, not really understanding how to do it. To begin with, I “implemented” another mandatory daily ritual. Before going to bed, I came to her room, lay down next to her, and we talked with her on all topics of interest to her. She liked it very much, she waited for it all evening. She shared with me some moments from school life, I told her about my ... "
Oksana M., lawyer, Penza
“... I have already felt the rapid and incredible changes in my son. About my results, and they are also there, I will write separately. I went through the training - and I saw the result in it! Only here, at the training, I realized how connected we are. It's amazing! He used to catch what Yuri gave me!
He suddenly calmed down. Stop asking if I'm okay. Make obsessive movements (rituals), cry for no reason. But most importantly, he began to perceive educational information by ear again! ..
…And suddenly he began to prepare for the lessons…
And then he began to wear fives one after another. Seeing his condition, I decided not to give him the pills that we drank periodically during this time ...
... Today, when I write this review, there are three days left until the end of the semester, and my son is finishing it with an excellent student! .. "
Yuliana G., teacher at the music school, Ulyanovsk
Hello.
I've been having a lot of problems with my studies lately. Algebra and geometry are not given to me at all, a complete zero in these subjects. The grades for them are simply terrible, for a quarter of 3, maybe soon there will be 2. There is no money for a tutor. I am terribly afraid of the teacher in these subjects, she yells at me all the time. I am in the 8th grade, I think I will not be able to pass the OGE in algebra.
I always wanted to become a translator, but my mother said that I would not succeed and would not become anyone at all if I did not learn algebra. But I can’t, every day I try to understand something, but nothing happens. All subjects except algebra and geometry seem to be given normally. I also fell ill with a sore throat, I have been sick for the second week already, in general, I must have lagged far behind. I'm terribly afraid to go to school, because my grades in algebra and geometry are terrible, but I don't know how to correct them, the teacher does not allow me to correct them. I am also studying in another city.
What to do? In general, why live if no one believes in you and you will not succeed in life?
Support the site:
Vlada, age: 14/26/11/2016
Responses:
Power dear!!! algebra and geometry - not the main thing in life! It doesn't come easy for everyone. I can say that only a few! it was never given to me and I graduated from school with two triples)) guess what subjects) - but nevertheless, this did not stop me from getting two higher educations with honors in life) and my daughter also has a triplet ((((although in otherwise - she's an excellent student. Your mother, of course, wants you to have better grades - every mother wants this) Mom believes in you, she just worries herself. , I would talk to my mother, tell you that it’s difficult for you and you are very, very worried. Then I would talk with the teacher - ours agreed to study at school additionally and for free. but for you now it's a big problem.Talk about your worries with your mom - tell it like it is.Pray, ask the Lord for help - he knows your worries) You try to do what you can - read the paragraph carefully, ask what it is not clear from the teacher after the lessons - she, too, with It's hard, there are many of you, the work is hard. Let there be three. It's not scary. Why ruin your life because of grades? Is your precious life given by God - so little appreciated??? It seems to me that you are primarily afraid of your mother's reaction to grades - talk to her about it. And you will have many more interesting things ahead of you) You won’t go to work as a math teacher) You have many other talents! I believe that! God believes in you - after all, he created you special! And you will succeed! I pray for you and hug you! May God bless you!
Anfisa, age: 37 / 26.11.2016
There are a lot of economists, but there are translators who make great money. Learn languages. Maybe you are a polyglot.
Maybe someone at home decides that he has bad grades in foreign language. Find a girlfriend, she will help you with algebra, and you will help her with languages.
The translation profession is very successful.
People with knowledge of languages are always in demand.
Parents often take their own fears out on their children.
Ask for help.
Explain that you are looking for help, that you are looking for a friend with whom you can study.
And about the translator just keep quiet. And keep your dream. And do everything to achieve it.
There are a lot of universities, there are a lot of specialties and a profession.
I wish you good luck.
But dreams also change. I used to want to be an economist. But by the time I entered the institute, I was already interested in another specialty.
Look at school as a place where you have the opportunity to choose the subjects that interest you.
Tell your mother or someone in the family about your guard in front of the teacher.
Dear, you will grow up and forget about algebra and about this teacher. Take care of yourself and your nerves.
I wish you good luck in all your exams. Good luck getting into college.
Learn and speak perfectly different languages and work as a translator.
God help you
Jasmine, age: 11/27/2016
Hello! Vlada, if you are given languages, then you may well become a translator, why not?! And algebra won't hurt you. It is clear that you should not bring it to twos, but it’s not right to think that you won’t achieve anything because of a couple of difficult subjects. Be sure to finish school, pass the exams, enter, I believe in you!
Irina, age: 28 / 27.11.2016
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The duration of the session is 1 hour 14 minutes.
Boy, 8 years old, Russia (reading conducted via Skype).
Q. She has a fear of going to school, being alone there without her mother or grandmother. Before school, he vomits, cannot eat. This was when he was in first grade. His mother sat with him at school for a while. What is it connected with? What it is?
A. Despite the fact that he is sociable, he finds contact with peers and adults, but just as quickly he comes into conflict with them. At the moment, he does not have friends with whom he constantly communicates, he quarrels with everyone, the same applies to adults. It is very difficult for him to follow the rules, he is constantly trying to change them and adjust them for himself, which leads to conflicts. They are difficult to manage. In the classroom, the teacher pays a lot of attention to him. There is constant chaos in the classroom, the educational process begins to break down. Stas constantly requires attention. This is exactly why conflicts arise. It is very difficult for him to do his homework, he starts to get nervous, he needs to make constant pauses and breaks. Any rules cause an internal protest in him. He has no friends, he quarrels with children, conflicts. They constantly scold him, try to put him in a framework, he constantly clashes with teachers. He is in constant agitation and conflict with everyone. When one of the relatives is nearby, the burden of close attention to oneself is not so heavy, it is shifted onto the shoulders of loved ones.
Q. He is afraid that he will not be taken away from school, that his grandmother or mother will change plans. Suddenly they will go shopping, or some accident will happen somewhere, and there will be no one to pick it up.
A. Are there children with whom he constantly communicates without conflict?
Q. He has a couple of friends.
A. How often does he receive comments from a teacher who is currently teaching several lessons? The teacher constantly monitors him, constantly corrects, makes comments. You have to ask Stas. There are two of them, but always one.
Q. What does this teacher look like?
A. She is from 35 to 40 years old, slim, short. Not a blonde and not a brunette, dark blond, brown-haired.
Q. Is this the one at the new school now?
A. The first teacher, the first imprint.
Q. Yes, it does.
A. The child cannot yet realize this, it is all subconscious. The first experience, a new stage, a new level, a transitional period, the first step towards responsibility and independence. There was a conflict, a bad experience, there is fear. It's all at the subconscious level. They survived everything, he went through it, but there was a prick, a splinter. The first class, the first steps, the first perception, the first experience was not very pleasant for both parties. And the school is perceived negatively, there is a fear of repeating and making a mistake. The child may not even be aware of it. A new stage and the rules to which he is obliged to obey. He grew freely, there were no prohibitions. He is a free child by nature. There are obedient children, and there are free ones. He used to have a lot of freedom, but now he doesn't. This is a psychological problem, psychocorrection is needed. He needs to be taken out of this situation. You need to work not only with Stas, but also with your mother and grandmother. We need the work of a child psychologist who would help Stas relieve his colossal stress. School causes him a state of stress. All physical manifestations, when he feels bad, cannot eat, spasmodic phenomena, this indicates that he is too tense. He goes to school very reluctantly. And the process itself is problematic for him, and he begins to bring it to perfection in his imagination, to draw the most negative attitude. He does not want to stay there, before he has arrived there, he already wants to go back. And he is frightened by the thought that suddenly something will happen, and he will have to stay there longer. The problem was based on a conflict, the teacher could not restrain himself, behaved incorrectly towards him, not pedagogically, because he demanded a lot of attention. The whole educational process began to stagger, which brought her out of balance. It is necessary to remove the negative that he received. He experienced it like a child, did not realize it, but it was imprinted in the subconscious. The situation is standard, it is not necessary to be afraid. For 3-6 months, it would be recommended to correct his behavior and attitude to certain situations. You need to get this negative out of him through drawings, descriptions, associations. You can try to do this to you, but direct physical contact is needed, as this has a stronger effect. The situation is fixable, and until it gets further problems, like a snowball, it needs to be corrected. Any such splinter begins to grow and grow. And as long as the situation does not get out of control, as long as it can be corrected, a small correction is needed, to change his attitude, to change the program. We need to take him to a child psychologist. He needs perseverance and learns to focus on the process, through games and through tasks. It is better to do this to an outsider, because the child perceives him differently, he is more focused and involved in the conversation. When it is close, the limits are erased, when an outsider, the limits are limited, especially when he is experienced and knowledgeable. Therefore, a specialist is needed. The situation is fixable, not critical. By erasing the negative, changing your attitude towards it, you can quite easily get rid of problems. It has to do with the physical and emotional state. There will be no vomiting, no fear of school. There is no need to panic.
Q. Does the new teacher suit him?
Oh yeah. She is older, more experienced, a good teacher, of a different temper than the previous one. But it's not the teachers, the problem is the child himself. Whatever the school may be, it will always be surrounded by different people. As you get older, there will be more teachers. There will also be more claims from everyone. Each teacher has a certain energy, a certain character and even a style. It is important to learn how to quickly adapt to situations, their correct perception. He is at the beginning of a long learning journey, so the right adjustments are important.
Q. What adjustments do grandmother and mother need to make, what do they need to understand?
A. More perseverance and exactingness towards him, between him and his grandmother and mother the frames are erased. He often dictates the terms, although he is still a child. They sometimes even change positions, he says what to do to mom, grandmother. The child must feel the framework, what is possible and what is not, and what has been started must be brought to the end strictly. But do not break loose, speak in a demanding and calm tone, not succumbing to provocations. This requires a lot of patience. Any process will stretch much longer. But whatever he has to do now, he has to do. This realization must come through the correct attitude towards him from the side of relatives. There must be a daily routine that must be observed at all times. What time to go to bed, what time to get up, there should be time for games and lessons. Everything must be thought out. There must be rules, and they must be established. He is a free child, lives on the level of "I want - I do not want." Children at this age are unconscious, he cannot calculate the correctness or incorrectness of his actions, he is unconscious, unlike adults. Adults understand, children do not, so they need to be constantly corrected. They cannot be limited, but there must be exactingness, he must understand that every action has consequences. If something is violated, the consequences are irreversible. Independence lies in the fact that the child must be aware of his area of \u200b\u200bresponsibility. Even when he does not get the expected result, you cannot say no categorically. You need to choose the right words. I can't now, but then. You can't deprive a child of hope. There should be soft non-categorical approaches, to explain why it is impossible now, and then it will be possible. Then it will be easier to negotiate with the child. You need direct personal contact with a specialist.
Q. How can Stas be set up correctly? What settings should a psychologist give out, what should a mother or grandmother say?
A. You need to imperceptibly for him to pull the problem out, in what it ultimately consists. It's a psychological problem, a misperception. It's based on conflict. Describe or draw what he feels, maybe even speak. What is the problem and in what form. Why is he afraid that they will not take him away, and if they do not take him away, how does he see it, what will happen next. We need to bring this to an end. Ask questions and let him answer for himself. In the process of constructing a conversation, an experienced specialist will lead him to what he himself will bring out and will voice not only the problem itself, but also its solution. The child should always be given the opportunity to find the answer himself, to think. This is the first step towards conscious action. If you do, then you must know for what, why and why, how it can end. What's next, what do you think? If for some reason your mother was late and did not pick you up on time, what scares you at school? He voices what he is afraid of. What do you think, how can you get out of this situation, what can be done? With such leading questions, he himself will cope with the internal problem. I understood and I decided. I understood, and now I'm not afraid. We are afraid of what we do not know, even adults. Fear of the unknown. Going to school itself is stressful and fearful for him, even if he does not realize this, but it is. It needs to be brought out, spoken out. Lead him to the fact that he himself said what in this case needs to be done and how to act.
Q. Will he handle this problem?
A. This is the task not only of him, but also of his relatives. They all have to deal with this together. And it will be beneficial for everyone. He will succeed in joining the team and interacting with other people. By nature, he is contact and sociable. There will be no problems with this. This is a new stage in his life, it is difficult. School is stressful for a child. Everything is different, everything is different when something is constantly demanded of him. We are all very different. There are stereotypes that have developed, but in fact we are all different, we react to everything in different ways. Therefore, do not be afraid when they say that my child is not like everyone else. There is no identical approach in perception. It’s easier for some, it’s easier for someone, we are all different. With the right mind and the right approach, any problem can be solved. It is important for him to correctly perceive everything that happens to him around, and correctly respond to it. Learn to control yourself, analyze, draw conclusions. All this is quite possible and real. You just need to make an effort. In the future, you will have to refine what was once unfinished. This is especially true in the upbringing of children. This is a test, a difficult task that requires effort, patience, wisdom and knowledge. Not only do we teach children, but children also teach us. To some extent, they are also teachers for us. Looking at them, we change, they make us change, see further, wider and deeper. This is a general problem that is quite realistic to deal with, it is not so serious and deep, not so complicated, it can be solved.
B. He studies well. Maybe Vera is to blame for something, that this is happening to him?
A. Any fears are transmitted to loved ones. And children especially feel the fears of their parents and loved ones. Mother and child are energetically connected, they are in the same field. The more the mother experiences, the more the child will react to it. Fear is based on ignorance. The more there is an understanding of the essence of the process, the less fear there will be. Sometimes you need to be philosophical about problems that cannot be solved at the moment. You need to reason, calm down, plan to solve problems. There should be a calm and even attitude towards her. The less fears mom and grandmother have, the calmer Stas will be. Decrease your concerns and fears. You can not completely fence off the child from problems. They can be voiced, but in a form accessible to the child, so that he understands that not everything is fine now, so you need to act this way and that way. But the child should not hear and see everything. If a mother is not sure of something, if a mother doubts herself, then the feeling of protection disappears. The child should feel confidence, kindness, love and a strong kind mother who knows and can do everything. This is how he should treat his parents. He must respect his mother and grandmother, because they are older, they are close, they know more. It needs to be put into it.
Q. Is there damage or evil eye on it?
A. There was and is a lot of envy. It is not directed at him, but since it acts in his field, it is also reflected on him. It is not specifically visible on him, but there is an evil eye and envy on those close to him.
Q. On whom specifically?
Oh. On my grandmother.
Q. From whom?
A. A wide range of people. Resentment from close circle, relatives. That the more you help, the more they demand, helped a hundred times, refused once, and that’s it, a sharp negative. Such is the attitude towards the grandmother. From the people with whom I once had to work and cooperate, there is also a negative. There was mutual distrust. Not so much on my mother, but on my grandmother.
Q. How can I remove it somehow?
A. We are all in a certain environment, we are immersed in it, we have to interact. There is a constant inevitable energy exchange with acquaintances and even strangers, it's like garbage. As we clean the physical body, we need to clean the more subtle and invisible essence. Efforts must be made to ensure that one's own biological protection is dense and large. Good rest, enough water in the body. Cell dehydration must be avoided. In modern conditions and ecology, a huge number of electronic devices, this greatly destroys everything. You need to constantly adjust your biological shell. There must be a sufficient amount of oxygen, appropriate breathing, so that oxygen is delivered to the cells, physical activity 2 hours 2 times a week. To give kindness to those people who need it, to help. All actions and emotions should be based on love and gratitude, they need to be projected. Thus, the program is removed from the negative. Contrasting cold and hot showers, grounding, prayers and going to church heals and cleanses not only the body, but also the soul. There are people who can influence energy fields, align and correct them. But without personal effort, everything will come to where it started. You must have your own work.
Q. Could this envy and evil eye come from my mother's cousin?
Oh. Maybe. The strongest impact from people from whom you do not expect this, from them the negative has a great destructive power. Due to the fact that there is an energy relationship.
Q. In the last reading, they said that Stas would have problems at the age of 20-23. What kind of problems will he have?
A. A new stage of independence. He will always strive for independence, quickly become independent, break out from under guardianship. First steps towards independence. There will be an attempt to take more than it can carry. There will be problems with studies, which will be interrupted due to the fact that he will change something. There will be a problem of becoming, he will try to organize his business. He studies, then drops out, starts something up. Problems of formation. Does not listen to anyone, does what he sees fit. Not everything goes smoothly. There will be a break in studies, then he will study again. Associated with learning and development. Trying to prove yourself, to become independent.
Q. There will be no consequences for the family, for himself? Will he get off with a psychological breakdown, or will there be something serious?
A. Everything will depend on the adequacy of relatives, how much they will give him the opportunity to do something himself. Everything must be adequate. Parents are experienced, smart and knowledgeable. You can not just step aside, but take the position of an observer. “As a parent, I gave you everything I could give. You want independence. Everyone has the right to make mistakes, to go their own way. Since the child decides to be independent, then please be independent and solve your own problems as much as possible. I can help with this, but I'm more sorry, but you can only count on it. Because in case of failure, you will drown not only yourself, but you will drown us too. Learn from your mistakes, so try."
Q. What profession should he choose?
A. Trade and money relations, marketing, management. It needs to be developed in the field of economics.
Q. How will his family life turn out?
A. He will have children. With regard to marriage, he will be very cautious, and will not rush into it. At first there will be free relations, like a civil marriage, and then an official one. Everything will be gradual and long. Everyone already close to him will say that it is time to make a decision, to push him. Not alone, but at the same time he does not marry for a long time. Will calculate, be careful. He marries once, but he will think for a very long time. Everything will be fine in his personal life.
Q. Will he have children?
Q. Will my grandmother live to see her great-grandchildren?
A. With the right attitude, you can live a very long time and see your great-grandchildren. This is what we should strive for.
Q. How should she properly tune in?
A. Healthy lifestyle, healthy thoughts, positive. The fewer bindings, the freer. The freer the easier. The easier, the better. If there are material losses, they must be treated evenly and calmly. It's all solvable. Problems need to be dealt with as they come up. In case of problems, draw up a plan A, B, C. make sure, strategically calculate everything, and live in peace and enjoy every minute of this life. Thank the Universe and God for everything that he has and for all the people he loves. This attitude is the most correct and healthy. It gives confidence in today and tomorrow. The less the internal pendulum swings, the longer the life path. Actually it's not difficult. It seems that it is scary to lose something. In fact, the worst thing is the loss of people we love. Everything else is a solvable problem. You need to understand why you live, with what thoughts. With our thoughts, we create not only our reality, but also the existence of our loved ones. The cleaner and calmer and more positive the inner mood of everyone, the better life will be.
Q. How is it better for a grandmother to live with her mother and Stas or separately?
A. Three generations under one roof. You need to feel your own feelings. Previously, in all countries and religions, it was common that several generations live under one roof, learn from each other, and pass on experience. It's simpler and easier. But times change, circumstances change. In some situations it is convenient, in some it is not. It's hard to say for sure which is better. It should be comfortable for everyone who is under one roof. There should not be a feeling of discomfort that I interfere, they interfere with me. It would be better to live separately, but not far away.
Q. How many children will Stas have?
Q. Boys or girls?
A. Children will be of different sexes, there will be both a boy and a girl. The first will be a girl, and then there will be a boy.
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The current programs for educational institutions are continuously updated and modified. The material is not easy and students may simply not perceive it. Quite often it happens that a child listens to well-read information, but is unable to understand it, so it is necessary to analyze the material covered at school already at home. If in the elementary grades it is still possible to understand what is at stake, then in the older ones it is no longer easy. Thus, the child begins to be afraid of the educational institution, since the homework is not done, the teachers give deuces, and the parents chastise for them. The psyche of a teenager cannot stand such stress and there is a fear of the school, which needs to be disposed of urgently.
Fear of school may arise due to the inability of the child to master the educational material
What is School Fear
The fear of going to school is called didaskaleinophobia, it is characteristic only of schoolchildren and appears only at the time of class. In essence, the concept of didaskaleinophobia literally stands for "fear of school". Formally, such a phobia may not immediately declare itself in full. Often parents perceive the reluctance to go to school as laziness, a desire to take a walk or do something else, but not the educational process. But it is precisely at these moments that one should not turn away from the problem, it is necessary to take it with all responsibility and find the real reason for absenteeism. This is especially pronounced in elementary school, because. the child has not yet fully adapted to the training and requirements, and heavy workloads without family support can lead to the appearance of a phobia
The mistake of parents is that they consider a phobia to be a manifestation in all spheres of a child's life at once, and fear appears in a particular case. If you eliminate the irritant, then the fear goes away by itself. It is impossible to neglect such manifestations in a teenager. The longer time and attention is not given to the problem, the more strongly it grows into consciousness. Later, it can develop into severe anger, which is associated with a panic state and depression.
Signs and symptoms of having a phobia
The most complete and accurate description of the fear of school was described by Khersov. He believed that the problems began with questionable complaints about the educational institution, or with her forced attendance. Later, this develops into a complete refusal to go to school, not taking into account persuasion from the parents. The closer the time to go to school, the more the behavior and mood of the child changes. Many children say that they have a desire to go to school, but when they need it, nothing comes out because of panic attacks.
Parents should sound the alarm when these kinds of symptoms appear:
- asphyxiation attacks;
- interrupted breathing;
- too fast pulse and heart rate;
- strong sweating;
- chills and shudders;
- the child becomes paler, there is a breakdown, which can lead to loss of consciousness.
In addition to the above, a teenager may experience nausea, dizziness and intestinal colic.
Surprisingly, in the presence of this disease, the child may experience fear before the seizures of fear itself. In addition, the older the child, the stronger these manifestations can be.
Children can rush around the room at such moments, his behavior will be panicky, or he will be motionless for a long time. Such signs are difficult to date to whims and should be given due attention to them.
Asphyxia is one of the signs of a phobia
Reasons for fear
It is foolish to think that manifestations of fear before going to school can appear as a result of one stressful situation that occurred in an educational institution. In most cases, this is a protracted process, where the student is constantly exposed to negative factors that cannot be immediately eliminated:
- bullying from classmates that teachers ignore;
- cruelty towards a child;
- ridicule;
- endless threats from high school students;
- high employment and heavy loads (physical and mental);
- psychological reproaches from the side of teachers.
There are non-standard symptoms of didaskaleinophobia. It happens that a phobia occurs when a student experiences a panic, thinking that trouble can happen to his parents at the time of his absence. It may be that quarrels among relatives and troubles sink into the student’s head so much that at school he cannot get rid of them, trying to resolve their difficulties for relatives, therefore he does not want to attend an educational institution. Under any circumstances, the school is the main period of the student's socialization, so the fear of school must be overcome.
School workload may be one of the causes of frustration
How to overcome the fear of going to school
Most often, a student does not have the opportunity to fully understand exactly how didaskaleinophobia manifests itself, how to overcome it and eliminate it forever, what really prevents him from attending an educational institution. Based on this, the help of a professional is needed. In these cases, you should seek help from professionals in this field. First of all, these are child psychologists who can gradually determine all the reasons for such behavior in a child. A psychologist can explain how to get rid of pressure from classmates or discourage them. It will educate and change the student's views on the world so that he can look at the problem from a different angle and eliminate it on his own. If a child is very afraid for his parents, then a professional will be able to explain to him what to do when his relatives are not around.
In combination with the work of a psychologist, the student is prescribed certain antidepressants, physical therapy, or other exercises that will distract the child from the problem. Physical education can help a child overcome self-doubt.
If the onslaught comes from the family, then it is important to have conversations with relatives. Close people are obliged to reconsider their attitude towards their own child and try to solve the problem without interfering with the child in it.
Most parents, when they hear from specialists that their child is afraid of school, breathe a sigh of relief - the problem is not so serious. Only this is the beginning of a complex psychological illness that can develop into something more. If this trouble is not addressed in time, then the child will not want to attend school at all, up to suicidal tendencies or running away from home. This will not happen immediately, but it should not be brought to this point. Any fear can be eradicated by finding it and eliminating it. Didaskaleinophobia is no exception if you seek the help of a highly qualified specialist in this field. He will be able to give the necessary advice:
Transfer your child to homeschooling. This is necessary and important, because the child must have the necessary knowledge.
Do not scold him for some weaknesses - the indignation of relatives will only aggravate the situation. Only with the help of patience and sympathy can one cope with the psychological problems of a student.
The child must be supported, even if he received a bad grade. It is necessary to demonstrate that there is nothing terrible in this, everything can be corrected by better preparation of the material covered.
A little reminder to parents! In order for this phobia to be eliminated, parents should start with themselves, only relatives will help the student eliminate the fear. There should be a favorable atmosphere, trust and mutual understanding in the family circle.
Close people are obliged to show attention and patience, not to blame the child for all his failures. Having overcome the fears of constantly being guilty before the parents, the child will have confidence in support and protection. At school, he will find a common language with those children who will accept him for who he is, and he will learn to resist all his enemies. He will be interested in going to school. It is important to convey to the child that he will not be perfect for everyone, which means that you should not always listen to everyone's opinion.
If you noticed that the child's behavior is similar to the symptoms described above, then take the necessary measures, think about the microclimate in the family. You should analyze your own behavior, since quite often children copy the behavior of their loved ones. Based on this, you need to set an example for children based on their own behavior, and this will help them achieve unprecedented heights and overcome a lot of difficulties. It is necessary to communicate a lot with the child, learn about his problems and not let him withdraw into himself.
