The child is afraid of school. Why a child is afraid to go to school Psychology that gives results

In the vast majority of cases, a child's unwillingness to go to school is not laziness, but a fear of being left without parental support. The child is afraid to be in an unfamiliar place with strangers, he is afraid of getting lost. Most often, this fear occurs in children who were brought up at home before school and did not adapt to the children's team. So what do you do if your child is afraid to go to school? How to help him learn to regulate his behavior in order to become part of the team?

What to do if your child is afraid to go to school

First, reluctance to go to school is absolutely normal, so parents do not need to worry so much. The first school year is the most difficult for students, because their usual life changes dramatically. Play is replaced by study and work, new relationships are formed - all this can cause stress, because of which the child is afraid to go to school, and you need to have patience to help your child survive this stress as quickly and easily as possible.

In addition to the fact that the child is afraid of the school load, not only physical, but also psycho-emotional, he is afraid of the responsibility that has now fallen on him. He can't stop learning, just like yesterday he could stop playing a game he was tired of. He is subject to requirements that he is obliged to fulfill, he is charged with the duty to comply with the school regime, and he cannot choose which lessons to go to and which not.

Another reason for the fear of the school is the new team. Both teachers and classmates are people whom the first grader does not know. He is afraid that adults will scold him, and children will not accept him into the team. Even adults are worried before the first working day, what can we say about children ...

Of course, in most cases, after a while, the tension subsides, and the fear disappears. But not always and not for everyone. Therefore, let's look at an algorithm of actions that will help your baby ease getting used to a new status. And the first thing you should do is explain that his fear is a common thing. Tell us how you yourself were afraid to go to school, and how funny these fears and worries later seemed to you.

Explain to him that teachers are people who will teach him things that he would never have learned on his own, and classmates are new friends with whom it will be very interesting. For faster adaptation, invite him to treat classmates with sweets or cookies that you bake yourself. Tell him a game that he can play with new friends at recess, and it may well be that your child will win the favor of classmates.

If your child has already been accustomed to some kind of routine, it will be easier for him to get used to the school regime, and although he has more responsibility, try to present it to him as if his personal significance has increased along with responsibility. Treat him like a person, teach him to be proud of his successes, and he will indeed become successful.

Do not forbid your child to take toys to school with him: sometimes just one glance at an object from a familiar environment will help him calm down. If he had any hobbies before school, try to develop them at school. Enroll your child in a school circle, this will establish a useful pastime and relationships with other children united by common interests.

Do not ignore his problems, listen carefully to him, do not ridicule him. Talk to him as equals. He must always be sure that he will not be left without your support. But do not practice pushy control: it destroys trust and hurts relationships. Encourage new acquaintances and always host his friends at home. Rating 5.00 (5 votes)

The school year has begun and there is so much more to come. However, some parents have already encountered certain difficulties. For example, what if a child is afraid to go to school? Under no circumstances should this problem be ignored.

as this in the future may cause mental disorders in the child. Let's look at the reasons that cause a child to be afraid of school.

There are children who joyfully jump up in the morning and cheerfully run to the lessons. But there are many more who go without much enthusiasm. Sometimes everyday fees turn into real torment for both the child and his parents. In the eyes of the baby, horror and tears at the mere thought of going to school. In such cases, we are talking about school phobia. Today, teachers, parents, and psychologists talk about this phenomenon with concern. But in our time it is difficult to imagine a normal child isolated from school life. How to find a way out of the impasse?

Experts note that accurate statistics that determine the scale of the phenomenon do not yet exist. For example, according to French experts, 2-3 percent of all students suffer from school phobia in a serious form. Psychologists emphasize that these children are not at all capricious and not lazy. Often, on the contrary, they can learn very well. But the very need to enter the school building seems to turn on some brakes.

Sometimes a poorly conscious panic begins, the school world causes a sharp rejection in a child or teenager. Uncontrollable anxiety can be accompanied by insomnia, pallor, palpitations, headache, and sometimes even a fever. Most often, school phobia is associated with some deeply hidden childhood fears. But the easiest way for a child is to direct the alarm to a specific object - the school.

Who is guilty?

Psychologists believe that in children, the rejection of the school world often becomes a reflection of the fear of separation. The child is subconsciously afraid to part with his mother for a long time, only with her he feels completely safe. Sometimes a school phobia masks a very specific fear of communicating with peers if they treat the child aggressively or, for example, laugh at him. Worry about possible failures at school is another reason for constant fear. Many parents are concerned about the future success of their offspring almost from the cradle. And children feel this very well. And then school life from the very beginning for them becomes a source of increased anxiety. Often the origins of the phobia are not related to the educational institution at all. Fears can reflect any circumstances that threaten the emotional security of the child: difficult relationships with parents, a family that is too closed, fenced off from the rest of the world, a divorce between mom and dad, etc.

Age of risk

Experts believe that exacerbation of school fears usually happens at the most key, transitional moments in the life of a child and adolescent. The first period - 6-7 years, the beginning of attending an educational institution, the second - 10-11 years, the end of primary school. And of course, the difficult teenage period of growing up - starting from the age of 14-15. The biggest risk is that school phobia, if not overcome, can give rise to the so-called social phobia: fear of communication, fear of public places. And in the end, already an adult can doom himself to social isolation.

After summer holidays

One of the reasons for the occurrence of a phobia can be a return to school after a long summer vacation or a change of school, as this is a rather serious test for a child. Here are the simplest rules that will help you avoid possible problems.

First of all, it is important to understand that adaptation should be gradual. If yesterday the child went to bed after midnight and woke up for dinner, then tomorrow it will be extremely difficult for him to get up at seven in the morning. The main requirement for an effective daily routine of a student is its stability. It is important that the child has breakfast, lunch and dinner on time, goes to bed and gets up at the same time, walks and does homework, and so on. Such a regime during the adaptation period is a certain signal for the body: “Everything is in order, the situation is standard, no surprises are expected, you can calm down.”

Parents should be prepared for the fact that in the first weeks and months of study, most likely, more of their control and help will be required for the child, even if he is no longer a first-grader. The participation of adults is necessary to comply with the routine of the day, in order to set the child up for homework, to deal with difficult moments in school, perhaps forgotten over the summer. It is necessary to praise more, support his efforts and efforts so that the student has enough time to sleep and walk in the fresh air. But if possible, it is better to postpone the beginning of visiting sections and circles for 2-4 weeks, allowing the child to first get involved in studies.

It is also important for parents to remember that not only first-graders at the beginning of the school year find themselves in a new environment for themselves. Older students are also forced to go through adaptation again when, for one reason or another, they find themselves in a new class and school.

Looking for another school?

Transferring a child to another school can be one of the cures for a phobia. Although, as a rule, this is not a cardinal solution, but only a displacement of the problem. True, sometimes such a measure can be the first step towards overcoming a school phobia.

In connection with the move or other circumstances, the child comes to an already established team, being the only newcomer there. The situation is different when a completely new class is formed, for example, when enrolling in a gymnasium or when completing specialized classes.

Stress in a student occurs in both situations, but the first option is more difficult for most children. Getting into the team of children who have been studying together for several years, the student one way or another turns out to be the object of increased attention. The child is worried about how new classmates will accept him, whether he will be able to find friends. In addition, she worries about how relations with teachers will develop, whether it will be too difficult to study in a new class.

When helping a child during this period, it is important to understand that excessive intervention can do more harm than good. And the older the child, the less obvious should be the intervention of parents. At first, various difficulties may arise in a new place, but it is important to allow the child to solve them on his own, and not to act as a constant intermediary between him and classmates or teachers.

At first, you need to be especially attentive to the child, ask him about school, about the guys, about the past day, sincerely be interested in his success. If you can see that the student is constantly depressed and talks about problems in relations with classmates, it may be necessary to intervene in the situation of parents and the class teacher.

The way out is in unity

There are a great many reasons for school fears and their extreme manifestation - phobias. Therefore, in each case, the main thing is to understand what exactly the child is afraid of. And then look for ways to help him. It is important not to dismiss the problem, not to leave the student alone with his fears and suffering. In some cases, the professional help of psychologists is required: either individual work or in groups. But family therapy is considered the most effective. To help the child make school life joyful, joint efforts of both parents and teachers are needed.

Hello, my name is Dasha, I am 15 years old, I have a fear of going to school. Every day, when I wake up, I almost start to cry, because I really don’t want to go to school, even if the subjects are easy on this day, it’s still hard for me to go there. I was looking for a reason, since the 6th grade I have been trying to understand what is the matter of why I feel so bad. But no matter what I think, no matter how I try to fix it, it's all to no avail. I hate everything there, from my classmates to the teachers. Classmates, okay, I don’t give a damn about them, let them say what they want, shout after me what they want, I’m used to it. But teachers are already a very difficult case, there are calm ones who calmly explain you are learning and everything is fine, we have two of them, and there are (almost all the rest) who constantly scream, I behave very quietly, almost never talk, never use my hand either I don’t pick it up because I’m terribly afraid that they’ll yell for something, it happened that they would ask you to say it wrong and either start yelling or look with a hard look. When they start screaming or the like, my tears involuntarily begin to flow, at this time I try to mentally calm myself, not to listen, but anyway. I often cry at night, because tomorrow I have to go to school, but I don’t want to go there. I start either from nerves, or from weak immunity, or I myself subconsciously do everything for the sake of it, in general, I get sick very often, sometimes you can do it for three days and sometimes for weeks, because I’m sick, I miss it, I start badly to study, but for me this is unacceptable, my parents start to get angry, and I’m scared myself, I’m afraid not to pass the GIA ... I’m very afraid ... It turns out such a cute circle. I talked with my parents about the terrible fear of going to school, my mother shrugs her shoulders, says if you can’t stand it, go to college / technical school, but we don’t have suitable ones in our city ... Although if I don’t pass English (so in our school it’s like a passing test in 10, you choose this subject and move on) that the probability is 75 percent, then there is no choice, you have to go to college. Dad tried to help, motivated me to study, told me not to pay attention to teachers, even gave me gifts so that I would have fun, but ... but to no avail, I come there all inspired, I go out like a squeezed lemon, plus at home 6-hour homework squeezes me out. It’s very bad in my soul at night in my free time, I start crying, dreaming about life about that other one without school, and how many different ideas I have! But they all roll into the abyss, there is no time, no one will let them come true. There are no friends to support. I wanted to end my life, or rather just stop her, but this is stupid, this is very stupid, because of the building with brooms in it, it’s too expensive to decide. I do not know what to do...
P.s. Either because of nerves or because of age, but I have terrible acne on my face, the dermatologist didn’t advise me that I just didn’t do anything. Only once I saw the result when I went on vacation, about in the middle the acne almost disappeared ... I was very surprised =) and glad, but about three days after the end of the holidays they returned ... Everything was as before. In general, I became even more embarrassed to go out into the street ...

It's hard to get used to studying after the holidays, and there is such a long third quarter ahead! At some point, you get sad. And in anxious children, problems that had fallen asleep reappear. And one of them is school fears, which are often intensified due to changes in the rhythm of life, workload, illnesses.

School for children is the main society. It has a lot of responsibilities and desires associated with it. Not surprisingly, most of the fears are concentrated here. One student is unsure of himself and is afraid to raise his hand, another finds it difficult to communicate with classmates. Often there is a fear of test work, and quite often schoolchildren, especially younger ones, are afraid of the teacher. Anxiety is different, and they depend on the nature of the child and his psychological defense.

Fear itself is not always unambiguously harmful. It saves us from unnecessary risk, helps us adapt to the situation. But sometimes anxiety becomes constant and greatly complicates life. Then it is necessary to pay serious attention to the emotional state of the child and think about the reasons for its deterioration.

Fear or excitement?

The word "afraid" for children does not always mean fear. So the child can name other sensations: “I don’t feel like it,” “I’m worried.” Help your son or daughter understand their feelings. “When it is really a school neurosis, its manifestations (depression or aggression) intensify during the period of study,” explains Tatyana Avdulova, associate professor of the department of developmental psychology at Moscow State Pedagogical University. “If the condition improves during the holidays, the child enthusiastically discusses various topics, but at the same time rejects everything related to school, this is an occasion to take a closer look at the situation.”

Who is more afraid

The easiest way is to blame the problems on an overly picky teacher. It happens, of course, but more often the reasons are much deeper. It is important to pay attention to relationships at home. Anxiety, like a sprout that falls into prepared soil, develops when psychological protection is reduced. It is formed in the family.

Anxious "seedlings":

1. Constant parental dissatisfaction. Then the child is always waiting for trouble, self-doubt arises. Such children may be afraid of everything.

2. Excessive demands. Increased demands deprive the child of comfort: they do not understand him even in the family. There is a feeling of inferiority. Lyudmila Anshakova, psychologist: “Children are afraid of what they can be punished for. Nevertheless, there is a desire to break the ban, and a vicious circle is obtained. The image of parents at the school door or another authority figure (teacher) is intimidating. Specific fears (of closed doors) appear.”

3. Overprotection. Children who are not accustomed to making decisions on their own are not easy in a peer group.

Practice

1. If you are afraid to go to school

This often happens after holidays or illness. Invite your son or daughter to agree with one of their classmates and go to school together.

2. If you are afraid to raise your hand and go to the board

Often parents persuade the child not to be afraid and thereby fix the fear. “It makes more sense to focus on a specific reason: were you afraid because you didn’t learn well or didn’t know the answer for sure?” - comments Lyudmila Anshakova.

3. Fear of answering wrong

Learn to manage an anxious situation: "You have the opportunity to prepare (learn a lesson, think about how to behave)." Practice speaking in public more often. It's easier to speak in third person. Play as if it is not the child himself who speaks, but the one whom he portrays.

4. When excited

Explain to the children that it is a positive feeling that spurs action. Excitement can be moderated by simple tricks - take a deep breath, think over the first phrase.

5. Before the test

Do not exaggerate its meaning ("You need to sleep, because tomorrow is a test!"). Translate the event into the category of ordinary (“Such checks in life happen all the time”).

6. If the student is afraid of the teacher

There are, of course, cases when it is more reasonable to change the teacher, but first it makes sense to work with the situation. In any case, explain to the child the meaning of school requirements: this is not the arbitrariness of the teacher, but the desire to comply with general rules. Play different situations: the child becomes a teacher, and one of the parents becomes a student.

7. When insecure

Parental control should not be step-by-step, but final. For example, we ask you to buy bread, but we do not say which one and in which store.

8. With difficulties in communication

Invite classmates to visit, come up with interesting events. Try to ensure that in a new company or in a new place the child is not alone, but with one of the familiar people.

9. For all situations

Hardening, a clear daily routine, walks before bedtime help to cope with anxiety and fear. What if the fears intensify with the onset of darkness? “By the end of the day, physical fatigue accumulates, and then anxiety fades into the background,” explains psychologist Lyudmila Anshakova. - Parents are nearby, the body is already a little relaxed, nothing happened. As a result, fears are clouded.”

10. Anatomize fears

We talk or draw. The image can be caged, glossed over, or completely torn. The main thing is to bring emotions to the surface, not to keep them in yourself.

In the life of every kid there comes a moment when he grows up and from yesterday's kindergartener turns into a first grader. It would seem that both mom and dad were preparing for school, and in kindergarten the teacher tried to teach everything that a first grade student should know, but there is still a feeling of fear of school.

Sometimes the children themselves cannot explain what caused it, because friends will study with him, and he went to preparatory courses, met the teacher. But the feeling of fear does not disappear. Some kids are even able to throw a tantrum before going to school or cling to their mother's hand and not let go when she, after seeing her child to school, walks towards the exit of the building.

School scares the unknown...

Parents should not worry about such scenes. This is absolutely normal. After all, the first year of school is considered the most difficult for students. This is a turning point in a child's life. After all, with the advent of the school, the usual life of the child changes dramatically. The workload increases, new relationships are formed, daily games are replaced by training sessions. For the baby, all this is a lot of stress. He needs some time to adapt to the new conditions.

Let's find out what exactly can scare your child.

First, it is an increased workload. This is not only physical, but also psycho-emotional. Just yesterday, the kid played games with friends, and today he should already receive knowledge and confirm it daily with his answers to the assessment. Many academic disciplines are a big challenge for a child, because each subject teaches something different and requires certain responsibilities in the classroom. Sometimes even high IQ students get lost and anxious.

Secondly, when a child goes to school, he realizes that his responsibility increases. Now you can't just "leave the game". It has special requirements that must be met. Also in his life there is such a thing as "school mode". And it will also have to be followed. You can't choose which lessons to go to and which not to.

Allow him to invite classmates to visit. This will help the child not to lose position in society, and thus he will not be deprived of communication with peers. In addition, children can help your child keep up with learning new material. Studying in a team is a great way to learn a new topic.

Remember that you can always support your child by offering your services to the school. For example, by becoming a member of a parent committee or by participating with a class on a camping trip that is scheduled for the weekend. The presence of the mother will cheer up the baby, and he will behave more freely.

As a last resort, you can always talk to the class teacher and talk about the problem of fear of school. The teacher will listen and help. If you act together with the teacher, the adaptation of the child will be easier and faster.