Theoretical foundations of family psychology. Family psychology and family counseling

The psychology of family relationships. Subject and objectives of the study.

Family psychology- a relatively young branch of psychological knowledge, which is at the stage of its formation. It is based on the richest practice of family psychotherapy, the experience of psychological assistance to the family and family counseling, the practice of psychological counseling of parents on the upbringing and development of children and adolescents. A distinctive feature of family psychology as a scientific discipline is its inextricable link with psychological practice.

The theoretical basis of family psychology research began in social psychology, personality psychology, developmental psychology, educational psychology, clinical psychology. Social psychology, based on the concept of the family as a small group, studies the issues of the role structure of the family and leadership in the family, the stages in the development of the family as a group, the problems of choosing a marriage partner, problems of family cohesion, conflicts in the family and ways to resolve them.

The subject of psychology family are the functional structure of the family, the basic laws and dynamics of its development; personality development in the family.

The tasks of family psychology include:

study of the patterns of formation and development of the functional-role structure of the family at various stages of its life cycle;

study of the premarital period, the peculiarities of finding and choosing a marriage partner;

the study of the psychological characteristics of marital relations;

study of the psychological characteristics of parent-child relationships;

studying the role of family education in the development of a child at different age stages;

studying abnormal family crises and developing strategies to overcome them.

Distinctive features of the formation of family relations in Russia in the modern socio-cultural situation.

Nowadays, the view of the family as a means for the birth of a child is gradually becoming a thing of the past, much more often the family is seen as a means of satisfying the emotional and intellectual needs of a person. However, in the context of globalization, the acceleration of the pace of life, the family is often viewed as a safe rear, a guarantee of stability, sometimes as a creative or business union.

Thus, in our time, Russia is gradually coming to a variety of forms of family organization, among which there are both traditional types of organization and modern ones, in addition, the peculiarities of family structures of the national republics of Russia make a significant contribution to the variety of types.

Changes in the spiritual values ​​of Russians in the modern period.

If the orientation towards spiritual and moral values ​​does not provide the minimum or the prosperity declared by society, then serious collisions occur in the social mood of people. So, according to the laboratory of social psychology of the Research Institute of Complex Social Research of St. Petersburg University, in the hierarchy of value orientations of the population, the value of one of the most important values ​​of “work” in the formulation “interesting work” in the 60-80s has dropped most sharply. She dropped to 12th place from 2-3rd, which she occupied in the early 80s. (A poll in 1990 covered 1000 people from all socio-demographic groups of the population of St. Petersburg.) In the short list of 9 values, “material wealth” was in third place (after “health”, “family”). It turned out to be some kind of "scissors": people justifiably want to live in prosperity, but at the same time, the main means of achieving it, work in their sense of life is relegated to the background. Sometimes sociology uses the concepts of "positive" and "negative values", as well as "approved" and "denied values". At the same time, the differentiation of values ​​into approved and rejected has nothing to do with dividing them into positive and negative.

Patriarchy, feminist, partnership ideas about the relationship of the sexes.

The patriarchal (traditional) family is the most archaic type of family: it has many children and different generations of relatives and in-laws live together; national and religious customs are strictly observed.

In most feminist theories, patriarchy is viewed as an unjust social system that suppresses women and men and restricts their social roles to a set of certain criteria. According to feminism, the construction of the distinction between masculinity and femininity in patriarchy is the political distinction between freedom and submission. Typically, feminism describes patriarchy as a social construct that can be overcome by critically analyzing its manifestations. One of the key problems of patriarchy is that it erases the personal qualities of both women and men, driving them into the framework of "feminine" and "masculine" behavior. As a result, individuals whose social behavior goes beyond the dualistic model of gender roles become the object of discrimination and condemnation. Patriarchy distinguishes only two genders - male and female, and also equates gender and gender.

Contrary to the predictions of the radicals, monogamous marriage and legally unformed permanent partnerships do not die out. The family as such does not disappear. However, the family values ​​themselves are differentiated; indicators of subjective well-being come to the fore. If traditional marriage is a rather rigid social institution, then modern partnerships and marriages tend to be self-valuable relationships based on mutual love and psychological intimacy, regardless of the way they are socialized. Such a relationship is less stable than an indissoluble church marriage and even a marriage of convenience based on common property interests. This will lead to an increase in the number of divorces, and the urgent task of society is not only to strengthen the family, but also to increase the culture of divorce, from the lack of which children suffer most. The so-called serial monogamy, when a person lives with only one partner / partner, becomes a typical form of relationship between boys and girls, but this relationship does not last all his life, but only for some more or less long period. Such a relationship between a man and a woman contradicts, on the one hand, the idea of ​​a lifelong marriage, and on the other, the idea that marriage is unnecessary in general. Such relationships make a person more free and less responsible, but this situation is unreliable, unstable. Thus, the further development of relations between men and women presupposes the recognition by society of their equality, equality and equality.

Modern research in the field of the psychology of family relations.

In the realities of the 21st century, questions are even more acute about how we can find a stable, harmonious union with another person and how to preserve this union throughout our lives.

The problem of the psychology of family relations arises in terms of the implementation of a person's life and personal ideology, in terms of the formation of a person's family scenario and in terms of realizing the meanings and goals of family life. This was best expressed by S.L. Rubinstein: “The attitude towards another person, towards people is the main fabric of human life, its core. The "heart" of a person is all woven from his human relationships to other people; what it is worth is entirely determined by what kind of human relations a person strives for, what kind of relationships he is able to establish with people, with another person. The psychological analysis of human life, aimed at disclosing relationships to other people, constitutes the core of true psychology. "

The main functions of the family.

The family, like any system, implements a number of functions in the hierarchy, reflecting both the specifics of it, the family, cultural and historical development, and the originality of the stages of its life cycle:

economic (material and production), household

reproductive (childbearing and reproduction)

the function of raising children. The family acts as the institution of the child's primary socialization

sexually erotic

the function of spiritual communication, involving the spiritual mutual enrichment of family members

recreational (restorative) - the function of providing conditions for the restoration of neuropsychic health and mental stability of family members;

the function of social regulation, control and guardianship (in relation to minors and disabled family members)

Family structure.

There are many different options for the composition, or structure, of a family:

- “nuclear family” consists of a husband, wife and their children;

- “replenished family” - a union enlarged in its composition: a married couple and their children, plus parents of other generations, for example, grandmothers, grandfathers, uncles, aunts, who all live together or in close proximity to each other and constitute the structure of the family;

- A "blended family" is a "rebuilt" family formed as a result of the marriage of divorced people. A blended family includes step parents and step children, since children from a previous marriage join the new family unit;

- “single parent's family” is a household run by one parent (mother or father) because of divorce, departure or death of a spouse, or because the marriage was never contracted

E. A. Lichko (Lichko A. E., 1979) developed the following classification of families:

1. Structural composition:

Complete family (there is a mother and a father);

Incomplete family (there is only a mother or father);

Distorted or deformed family (having a stepfather instead of a father or a stepmother instead of a mother).

2. Functional features:

Harmonious family;

Disharmonious family.

The types of family structures according to the criterion of power (Antonov A.I., Medkov V.M., 1996) are divided into:

partriarchal families where the head of the family state is the father,

egalitarian families, in which there are no clearly defined family heads and where the situational distribution of power between father and mother prevails.

Historical forms of family and marriage relations.

A distinctive feature of the traditional Russian family was living in undivided multi-generational families. In fact, family and clan were inseparable concepts. In pre-revolutionary Russia, the rural population predominated, life and family were subordinated to patriarchal relations. The man - the breadwinner, breadwinner and protector is traditionally opposed to the woman - the mother, the keeper of the hearth. The man was in charge of the outer life, social relations, in the jurisdiction of the woman - the whole structure and the inner world of the family.

At that time, patriarchal Russian families had their own specifics: the wife of the head of the family, the "big girl", had a rather serious influence on other family members and on her husband. It is not for nothing that there has long been a proverb: "The husband is in the house, the head is in the house, and the wife is the neck, as he turns, so it will be."

In the ancient Russian family, three types of relationships were characteristic: consanguinity, adoption, adoption, and property. The property implied kinship by marriage, that is, the relationship between one spouse and the blood relatives of the other spouse, as well as between the relatives of the spouses. Marriages between relatives-in-law were not allowed, as well as between blood relatives.

In different periods of Russian history, there were several forms of marriage. In the pre-Christian period, violent abduction - “abduction” of the bride - was widespread among the Slavic tribes. With the passage of time and the strengthening of relationships between clans and tribes, forced abduction began to be replaced by symbolic, in agreement with relatives and the bride. It is from those pagan times that the humorous custom of hiding the bride at the wedding, when the groom must find her and even pay the ransom, has survived to this day. In some national cultures, the bride kidnapping ceremony is still alive.

It must be said that much later, already in the Christian period, the time of marriage was linked to the calendar of agricultural work. This was strictly monitored by the church, forbidding or allowing weddings to be played at certain times of the year.

There was another form of marriage - casting. It consisted in the fact that the bride was taken to the groom's house with a dowry and left there.

It must be remembered that at that time, and much later, the acquaintance of the bride and groom was optional. Love and mutual sympathy have never been considered necessary for marriage. Since then, the saying has come down to us: "Tolerate - fall in love." Young people will become husband and wife, and love or habit will then come.

Modern socio-psychological model of family relations.

The socio-psychological model of family relations reflects the typology of families, the structure, forms, styles of upbringing, as well as the problems of the modern family.

The family is a complex social entity. Researchers define it as a historically specific system of relationships between spouses, between parents and children, as a small group whose members are linked by marriage or kinship relations, community of life and mutual moral responsibility, as a social necessity, which is due to the need of society for physical and spiritual reproduction of the population.

Family relations are governed by the norms of morality and law. They are based on marriage - the legitimate recognition of the relationship between a man and a woman, which is accompanied by the birth of children and responsibility for the physical and moral health of family members. Important conditions for the existence of a family are joint activities and a certain spatial localization - dwelling, house, property as the economic basis of its life, as well as the general cultural environment within the framework of the common culture of a particular people, confession, state. Thus, a family is a community of people based on a single common family activity, connected by the bonds of matrimony - parenthood - kinship (blood and spiritual), carrying out the reproduction of the population and the continuity of family generations, as well as the socialization of children and the support of family members. The forms of families are diverse, their typology depends on the subject of study.

Monogamous and polygamous families are distinguished. A monogamous family consists of a married couple - husband and wife; polygamous is the marriage of one to several (polyandry is the marriage of one woman to several men, polygyny is the marriage of one man to several women).

Family ties determine the simple, nuclear, complex, extended, family type. Typologizing family structures, it should be noted that the most common in modern urbanized agglomerations (urbanization [from Lat. Urbanus - urban] - the concentration of material and spiritual life in cities; agglomeration [from Lat. consisting of parents and children, i.e. from two generations.

An extended family unites two or more nuclear families with a common household and consists of three or more generations - grandparents, parents and children (grandchildren). Together with spouses in repeated families (based on remarriage) there may be children from this marriage and children of spouses from a previous marriage, brought by them into a new family.

Social orientation and capacity of the family.

There are the following types of socio-axiological orientation of the family:

socially progressive (support for the values ​​of society, unity of views, good interpersonal relationships);

contradictory (lack of unity of views, relationships at the level of the struggle of some tendencies with others);

antisocial (the contradiction of value ideals to the ideals of society).

A distinction is also made between the capacity and activity of the family. The family's legal capacity can be:

limited (due to psychosomatic, age characteristics, its members are unable to independently earn their livelihood and fit into the system of social relations - pensioners, disabled people);

temporarily limited (psychosomatic, age-specific features only temporarily limit socio-economic independence; for example, families experiencing some type of social cataclysm, including unemployment, having children who have not reached working age, families with disabilities);

unlimited (family members have a full range of opportunities to fit into the social space and adapt to changing conditions that do not have the character of a social cataclysm).

Formation of a married couple.

In the formation of a married couple, two periods are distinguished: premarital (before the couple decides to marry) and premarital (before the marriage).

It has been empirically proven that the source of difficulties in family life can be the peculiarities of choosing a partner, the nature of premarital and premarital courtship, and the decision to marry.

When researching a married couple (marriage union) who turned to psychological counseling, it is necessary to understand what brought the spouses together and still supports their marriage, how the process of forming a married couple took place, how each of them chose a partner - on the basis of only one similarity with by yourself or based on more complex emotional and environmental factors.

One of the first to ponder the reasons for marriage, the founder of classical psychoanalysis 3. Freud... His psychoanalytic theory is based on the assumption that children have attraction to parents of the opposite sex. Through a complex unconscious process, they can transfer the love they feel for this parent to other, socially approved objects - to their potential spouses. This is probably why many young men would like to meet a future life companion, similar to their mother, and very often girls pay attention to young men who are similar to their fathers.

The theory of complementary needs (complementary needs) R. Winch is based on the old, like the world, principle that opposites attract. R. Winch writes that in choosing a spouse, each individual is looking for someone from whom he expects maximum satisfaction of needs. Lovers should have similarities in social traits and psychologically complement each other.

An instrumental theory of spouse selection developed by R. Centers, also prioritizes the satisfaction of needs, but at the same time argues that some needs are more important than others, some of them are more inherent in men than women, and vice versa. According to R. Centers, a person is attracted to someone whose needs are similar to his own or complement them.

Psychological theories of choosing a marriage partner.

There are several theories describing how we choose our marriage partners.

Proponents of the theory of homogamy argue that not any man and woman can be "exchanged", but only those who have the same "social value" or homogamy. In other words, we try to choose a partner for ourselves within our social level, by territorial proximity, among people of our race.

Complementary needs theory(Winch R.) lies in the assumption that the principle of "homogamy" works only in the socio-cultural sphere. And when it comes to character, opposites attract. So, for example, a domineering man will be attracted by a meek woman, while a calm and gentle man may be attracted to an energetic and straight woman.

Instrumental theory Centers' mate matching also prioritizes needs satisfaction, but argues that some needs (such as sex and need for belonging) are more important than others, and that some needs are more inherent in men than women, and vice versa. According to Centers, a person is attracted to someone whose needs are similar to or complementary to his own.

Incentive-value-role theory, created by B. Merstein, is based on two important premises:

1) at each stage of development of the relationship between partners, the strength of the relationship depends on the so-called equality of exchange (the pros and cons of each are taken into account, each person tries to marry with the most attractive partner for himself);

2) mating choice involves a series of successive stages, or filters. Three stages are distinguished: incentive (attractiveness of a partner) - value (similarity of views) - role (compliance of the chosen one's role behavior with his expectations).

The specifics of the premarital period.

The results of many studies have shown that the combination of premarital factors that prompted young people to enter into a family union significantly affects the success of the adaptation of spouses in the first years of marriage, the strength of marriage or the likelihood of divorce. Such premarital factors are:

place and situation of acquaintance of young people;

first impression of each other (positive, negative, ambivalent, indifferent);

socio-demographic characteristics of those entering into marriage;

the length of the courtship period;

initiator of the marriage proposal: boy, girl, parents, others;

the time of considering the marriage proposal;

the situation of registration of marriage;

the age of the future couple;

parents and the attitude of the latter to the marriage of their children;

dynamic and characterological characteristics of the spouses;

family relationship with brothers and sisters.

It has been found that they have a beneficial effect on marriage relations:

acquaintance at work or school;

mutual positive first impression;

courtship period from one to one and a half years;

the initiative of a marriage proposal on the part of a man;

acceptance of the proposal after a short consideration (up to two weeks);

accompaniment of marriage registration with a wedding celebration.

A short (up to six months) or long (more than three years) courtship period. For a short time, as a rule, young people cannot deeply get to know each other and check the correctness of their decision to marry, and over a long period of courtship, monotony of communication often occurs, stereotyped behavior of partners, which can lead to cooling in the relationship - such a couple either does not create a family, or breaks up.

Motivation for making a decision to marry.

The most significant for the premarital period is the motivation for marriage. Decision-making is often polymotivated; the following motives can be distinguished: love, duty, spiritual closeness, material calculation, psychological conformity, moral considerations.

Any of them can turn out to be the leading, but young people most often put in the first place love.

Within the framework of psychological science, a systematic analysis of the problems of love began in the 40s. XX century The first works on love were mostly theoretical, nowadays there is much more empirical research.

Psychologists consider love to be a selective attitude towards a member of the opposite sex as a unique whole person. The focus on the object of love should not be one-sided, selfish and involves identifying oneself with the object of love, replacing "I" with "we" (but without losing one's individuality).

In modern psychology, there are models of love, which are conventionally divided into "pessimistic" and "optimistic".

Pessimistic theorists emphasize the moment of dependence of the lover on the object of his love and the connection of love with negative experiences, primarily with the fear of love. Love, according to the authors of "pessimistic" models, makes a person anxious and dependent, interferes with his personal development. One partner, as it were, "dissolves" in the other, losing his individuality. In such a pair, there is no substitution of "I" for "we". In extreme cases, love can be a symptom of personality pathology.

"Optimistic" models of love associated with the concept of A. Maslow and other representatives of humanistic psychology.

Love in these models is characterized by anxiety relief and complete psychological comfort. The cornerstone of the "opt for mystical" models is the idea of ​​the lover's independence from the object of love, which is combined with a positive attitude towards him. According to the theorists of the "optimistic" direction, such love makes people happy and provides opportunities for personal growth.

The study of the motives for marriage in dysfunctional families was carried out by domestic family psychotherapists E.G. Eidemiller and V. Yustickis. They managed to identify the following motives: flight from parents, obligation (marriage out of a sense of duty), loneliness, following traditions (parental initiative), love, prestige, search for material wealth.

The motive "flight from parents" often means a passive protest against the power of parents, an inability to perceive life in all its real fullness.

The conclusion of a marriage on the basis of "should" very often means that the partner became pregnant or sexual intercourse was accompanied by feelings of guilt.

The motive "loneliness" is found among people who have moved to a new place of residence. They married those people whom they knew earlier or who were recommended by colleagues ("You live alone, and your mistress has a daughter in Kazan. She is so good and lonely, look ..."). In other cases, loneliness was a consequence of the experience of existential emptiness. The formation of a married couple is a complex process, associated with various kinds of difficulties and problems. It is good if young people independently find effective ways out of these problems, otherwise they need psychological help, which they can receive in youth centers and palaces, in psychological counseling at the registry office.

Family well-being factors.

The first condition for family well-being, naturally, is the love and affection of the spouses. And the importance of such feelings in this matter is unlikely to be denied by anyone. At the same time, it should be noted that only on love, a marriage cannot last for a long time. After all, the mutual passion and romantic mood that characterize the initial period of a relationship do not last as long as we would like.

Experts have identified the main factors of family well-being that should be taken into account by everyone who is going to start a life together with a loved one: Focus on the spouse; Sympathy and trust; Communication without conflicts; Understanding; Sexual satisfaction; Material well-being.

Spouse-oriented is the most important condition for family well-being, since it serves as the basis for mutual understanding. It assumes an attentive attitude to the interests, preferences, habits of a loved one. Ideally, spouses should only act in accordance with each other's wishes and needs.

Sympathy and trust are also necessary factors of family well-being, because if you do not feel sympathy for the person with whom you are going to live, the marriage union is doomed to failure. And when there is no trust in a relationship, love gradually fades away, as eternal suspicion, jealousy and discontent take its place.

Normal communication without constant quarrels and conflicts should be present in every good family. People need to share their emotions, impressions and experiences with loved ones, so you need to create an atmosphere at home that disposes spouses to mutual frankness and trusting relationships. Understanding acts as one of the most important conditions for family well-being. In order to achieve it, spouses will need a lot of time and trials. But the key here is condescension and tolerance towards each other, which are wonderful qualities for building a strong family.

Sexual satisfaction also very often comes with the years of living together, because partners do not immediately recognize each other's preferences: this takes time and desire. When people are connected by mutual strong feelings, almost all problems of a sexual nature are solvable. This is due to the strong desire of both to please their spouse. An important factor in family well-being is also material security of the family... It's no secret that financial difficulties, which are chronic in nature, very quickly affect the relationship of a married couple. Household problems that cannot be solved, debts and nervous stress caused by all this prevent people from enjoying their feelings and living in harmony. After all, the lion's share of family conflicts is associated with the topic of money.

Family psychological health. Wealthy families. Dysfunctional families.

Socio-psychological support may be necessary for any family, albeit to varying degrees. Passive families especially need help. They have little potential of their own to deal with crisis situations. Families are distinguished by the way they respond to stressful situations, conflict situations and normative crises (associated with certain stages of family functioning). This typology is based on the phenomenon of the psychological health of the family - an integral indicator of its functioning, which reflects the qualitative aspect of the socio-psychological processes of the family, the indicator of the social activity of its members in intra-family relations, in the social environment and in the professional sphere, as well as the state of the mental and psychological well-being of the family. providing adequate living conditions regulation of the behavior and activities of all its members. This indicator characterizes two main types of families.

Prosperous families... Their problems, as a rule, are caused by internal contradictions and conflicts that are associated with the changing conditions of life in society: 1) with an excessive desire to protect each other, help other family members (condescending, conniving hyperprotection and overprotection); 2) with the inadequacy of correlating one's own ideas about the family and those social requirements that are imposed on it at this stage of social development (difficulties in perceiving the contradictions of modern society). Dysfunctional families(problematic, conflict, crisis). Psychological problems arise from the dissatisfaction of the needs of one or more family members under the influence of super-strong intra-family and general social life factors.

The classification of criteria that determine the well-being and socio-psychological health of the family was developed by the World Health Organization (WHO). It includes the following parameters:

The presence of both parents in a legitimate (legally formalized) marriage, and children brought up on the basis of the continuity of generations.

Spiritual and moral well-being.

Medical wellbeing.

Social welfare.

Material well-being.

Lack of chronic family conflicts.

Satisfaction with marriage, relationships in it.

A unified approach to the upbringing of children by parents.

Healthy family lifestyle.

The main problems of economically vulnerable and dysfunctional large families can be divided into the following blocks:

economic and material and household(extremely low family income, unsatisfactory living conditions, lack of necessary things, etc.);

medico-social(weakened health of family members due to poor nutrition, inability to use high-quality medicines and paid medical services, the development of chronic diseases, in cases of dysfunction - low sanitary and hygienic culture, neglect of children's health);

psychological and pedagogical (limited educational potential of the family, due to the impossibility of paying sufficient attention to each child, in case of dysfunction - violations of the psychosocial development of children, conflicts and destructive interpersonal relationships). Among asocial families, there are alcoholized and drug addicted families, as well as families with delinquent members (including those brought to criminal responsibility) and families in which violence is committed.

Critical periods in the development of marital relations.

By definition: "a family crisis is a state of the family system, which is characterized by an imbalance, which leads to ineffectiveness of the usual ways of family relationships, and the inability to cope with a new situation using old patterns of behavior."

All families go through stages of development, and at each stage they have certain tasks. These tasks must be solved, otherwise, moving on to the next stage, these unresolved tasks will slow down the family's passage of the next stage of development.

First regulatory family crisis- This is the assumption of marital responsibilities.

It is experienced by a young family without children in the transition from a single to a pair existence - this is a period of getting used to, grinding in. The main task of this period is the adaptation of the spouses to family life and to each other. Family development tasks at this stage:

1. Establishing the internal boundaries of the family and the boundaries of communication with friends and relatives.

2. Resolving the conflict between family and personal needs.

3. Solving the problem of family hierarchy and areas of responsibility.

4. Achievement of sexual harmony (sexual adaptation).

5. Solving housing problems and purchasing your own property.

The danger of this period is that the ideal image of the chosen one or the chosen one is more and more overgrown with real features, which are not always pretty. An understanding comes of who fate has brought together and how easy or difficult it is to find a common language with a partner.

Second crucial period- this is the birth of the first child.

The crisis period in the life of the family consists in the development of parental roles by the spouses and acceptance of the fact that a new personality has appeared in the family. The main task of the development of a young family with a child is the reorganization of the family to meet new challenges, such as:

1. Caring for a small child.

2. Reconciliation of personal and family goals.

3. Mastering by spouses of new roles - parenting.

4. Overcoming the difficulties of distributing attention, love and care between three loved ones.

5. As well as building relationships with parents who have become grandparents at a new level.

Third crisis period(five to seven years of marriage) is associated with the child's admission to school or preschool, that is, to external social structures. The point is that the “product of the parent's upbringing activity” turns out to be an object of general observation. The family is, as it were, "tested for the effectiveness of the rules of upbringing," which the child receives in it. If a child, as a “family representative”, when going out into the outside world (going to school) copes with school requirements, then the family is “effective”. If not, then the child may fall into the role of a person who “disgraces” the family. An “unsuccessful” child usually does not receive support and assistance in such an “ineffective family”, because there are no internal rules in it, all family rules are attached to social ones. (In such a family, the teacher is always right, an adult cannot be criticized, he got a deuce - he himself is to blame).

Fourth critical period associated with the acceptance of the fact that the child entered adolescence, which is often complicated by the coincidence with the parents' personal midlife crisis (the time of summing up intermediate life results). This stage of mature marriage, usually spouses 37 - 40 years old and they lived together for about 10 - 15 years. The main tasks of family development at this stage:

1. Redistribution of autonomy and control between parents and children.

2. Changing the type of parenting behavior and roles (communication between an adult and an adult).

3. Preparing for the adolescent's departure into adulthood (choosing a profession, experimenting with his independence).

The fifth difficult period in the life of a family, it is associated with the abandonment of grown-up children from their father's house, their acquisition of emotional and financial independence, and the creation of their families by them. The main task of family development at this stage is to create conditions for the correct leaving of the home for grown-up children. If there is a conscious orientation towards joint development with a partner and difficulties in relationships are discovered in a timely manner, it becomes possible for spouses to adjust their behavior and jointly overcome difficult moments of family life.

Family conflicts and their prevention.

What types of stages of family development can be called crisis?

The "grinding-in" period, when the newlyweds learn to live like a married couple;

The birth of the first child and the development of the role of mom and dad;

The birth of subsequent children;

When the child goes to school;

Children enter adolescence;

Growing up of children and leaving the parental home;

The midlife crisis of the spouses;

Retirement of spouses

Each of these stages can create various stressful situations, which, in turn, can serve as a potential cause of family conflict.

Changes in marital status and family affairs can also create tensions. This could be:

Divorce or separation of spouses;

Moving to a new place of residence;

Long-distance and long-term business trips;

The need to work in another state;

Change in the financial situation of the family

Psychologists distinguish different types of family conflicts:

The actual conflicts. Even in a happy, healthy, well-functioning family, quarrels occur from time to time. Confrontations can be caused by a mismatch in the views and goals of different family members. Conflicts can be resolved, and then they do not threaten the stability of family ties. Family contradictions can arise at all levels, that is, brothers and sisters, spouses, as well as parents and children can quarrel among themselves.

Tension. Psychologists call tension long-standing, unresolved conflicts. They can be obvious and overt, but they can just be temporarily suppressed. In any case, they accumulate and cause negative emotions, leading to constant irritability, aggression and hostility, which ultimately causes a loss of contact between family members.

A crisis... It can be talked about when the conflict and tension have reached a stage in which all the models of negotiations that have been in force until now begin to fail, and, therefore, the real needs of individuals or a whole group of households are chronically unmet. Crises often lead to family disorganization, that is, certain obligations of spouses to each other, or the obligations of parents towards children are no longer properly fulfilled. And the disorganization of the family, in turn, often ends in its disintegration.

Here are some examples:

Inability to express your feelings... In families with an unhealthy psychological climate, family members tend to hide their feelings and reject their manifestations by other people. They do this mainly in order to avoid mental pain and psychological trauma.

Lack of communication... In dysfunctional families, there is very rarely open communication between relatives. If family conflicts arise, family members begin to avoid each other, emotionally withdrawing and withdrawing into themselves.

Manifestations of anger... If problems arise, the unhealthy family tries to hide them, instead of coming face to face and trying to solve them. In such a family, there are often arguments about who is responsible for the occurrence of a particular problem, and such arguments often lead to outbursts of anger and even the use of force.

Manipulation. Manipulators express their anger and frustration in the only way they can: they try to pressure others to make them feel guilty and ashamed. In this way, they try to get others to do what the manipulators themselves want.

Negative attitude towards life and to each other. In some families, everyone treats the rest with some suspicion and distrust. They don't know what optimism is, and they usually have no sense of humor at all. Relatives have very few interests in common and rarely find a common topic of conversation.

It all depends on the specific situation and on the specific family. Here are the main "tools" with which you can fix a difficult situation:

Problem identification;

Clarification of the reason for the position held and the manifestation of empathy (empathy);

Taking measures to resolve the conflict;

Changing attitudes towards such a situation: understanding the position of the opposing side eliminates possible conflicts in the future. Understanding is the best prevention of conflict.

Divorce as a socio-psychological phenomenon.

The problem of divorce is closely related to the change in the type of relations in the modern family: new family models give rise to their own forms of breaking these relations.

Divorce, as a rule, is not a one-time event and has its own history of development. According to a study conducted in the late 90s. XX century V.V.Solodnikov, in a pre-divorce situation, spouses turn for help not to advice on family and marriage issues, but to relatives and friends: mother - 75.8%, friends - 51.8%, father - 39.2%, as well as lawyers - 10.2%, psychologists and doctors - 4.9%. Expecting support and sympathy from friends and parents, a person who finds himself in a pre-divorce situation is often in a state of confusion, loss of life values.

Researchers identify the reasons for divorce:

strengthening the economic independence and social equality of women;

orientation when creating a family for personal happiness, primarily for mutual conjugal love, increased requirements for a partner chosen for love;

insufficiently developed sense of duty in one of the partners;

the destruction of the family in the case when love is sacrificed to an accidental relationship.

Most often, the following motives for divorce are distinguished: lack of common views and interests (including religious differences), inconsistency (incompatibility) of characters, violation of marital fidelity, absence or loss of feelings of love, love for another, frivolous attitude to marital duties, bad relations with parents (intervention of parents and other relatives), drunkenness (alcoholism) of the spouse, lack of normal living conditions, sexual dissatisfaction.

In the study of divorce, four groups of factors are considered (W. Good).

Probability connections between a person's social background and his attitude to divorce. As you know, the urban population is more likely to get divorced than the rural population.

Various types social pressure on an individual in connection with divorce. For example, disapproval of marriage or divorce by relatives or persons significant to him.

Way choice of marriage partners.

Ease or difficulty spousal accommodation between people of different social backgrounds.

Divorce doesn't happen overnight. It is usually preceded by a period of tense or conflicting relationships in the family.

During a divorce and a period of legal disputes, the abandoned spouse experiences self-pity, helplessness, despair and anger. A time of self-exploration and a return to balance after divorce. The main problem of this period is loneliness and conflicting feelings that accompany it: indecision, optimism, regret, sadness, curiosity, excitement. Behavior takes on a new orientation: the search for new friends begins, activity appears, a new lifestyle and daily routine for children stabilizes, new responsibilities are formed for all family members. Psychological divorce - on an emotional level - is a willingness to take action, self-confidence, energy, self-worth, independence and autonomy. On the cognitive-behavioral level - the synthesis of a new identity and the end of the psychological divorce; search for new objects for love and readiness for a long-term relationship. Therapeutic assistance is possible in the form of child-parent, family, group therapy for children and adults.

Family psychology - a relatively young branch of psychological knowledge, which is at the stage of its formation. It is based on the richest practice of family psychotherapy, the experience of psychological assistance to the family and family counseling, the practice of psychological counseling of parents on the upbringing and development of children and adolescents. A distinctive feature of family psychology as a scientific discipline is its inextricable link with psychological practice. It is the social demand for optimizing the life of the family, increasing the efficiency of marriage and parent-child relations, solving the problems of raising children in the family that accelerated the development and process of institutionalization of this scientific discipline. A change in the demographic situation - a drop in the birth rate and, as a result, an increase in the proportion of one-child families - leads to difficulties in personal development and insufficient communicative competence of children brought up in such families. The unsatisfactory level of the father's realization of the upbringing function in a significant number of Russian families should be noted. Along with the favorable tendency of the father's active involvement in the upbringing process, even at the stage of early childhood, the tendency of the father to distance himself from the problems of upbringing, his low emotional involvement and orientation towards parenting, which is a significant factor in achieving personal identity and psychological maturity, appears just as clearly. Population migration associated with employment and the characteristics of professional activity has led to an increase in the number of functionally incomplete families in which one of the spouses cannot constantly fulfill their roles.

The theoretical basis of family psychology was research in social psychology, personality psychology, developmental psychology, educational psychology, and clinical psychology. Social psychology, based on the concept of the family as a small group, studies the issues of the role structure of the family and leadership in the family, the stages in the development of the family as a group, the problems of choosing a marriage partner, problems of family cohesion, conflicts in the family and ways to resolve them. Developmental psychology and developmental psychology focused their research on the patterns of personality development in the family at different age stages, content, conditions and factors of socialization, problems of raising a child in a family, psychological characteristics of parent-child relationships. Age-psychological counseling, aimed at monitoring the course of the child's mental development, prevention and correction of negative development trends, considers family and family education as the most important component of the child's social situation. Family education and pedagogy have always been the most important branches of pedagogical science. Personality psychology considers communication and interpersonal relationships in the family as the basis for personal growth and self-realization, develops forms and methods for optimizing a person's personal development, taking into account the resources of the family. Within the framework of clinical psychology, intrafamilial relationships are considered as an important factor in the context of the problems of etiology, therapy and rehabilitation after overcoming mental disorders and deviations. So, the system of scientific knowledge gained in various fields of psychological research, the experience of the practice of providing psychological assistance to the family and family counseling have created the theoretical basis of modern family psychology, the urgent task of which is to integrate knowledge about the family and practical experience of working with the family into an integral psychological discipline - family psychology. ... The subject of family psychology is the functional structure of the family, the basic laws and dynamics of its development; personality development in the family.

The tasks of family psychology include:

• study of the patterns of formation and development of the functional-role structure of the family at various stages of its life cycle;
• study of the premarital period, the peculiarities of finding and choosing a marriage partner;
• the study of the psychological characteristics of marital relations;
• study of the psychological characteristics of parent-child relationships;
• studying the role of family education in the development of a child at different age stages;
• studying abnormal family crises and developing strategies to overcome them.

Olga Alexandrovna Karabanova. Psychology of FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS AND FAMILY COUNSELING FUNDAMENTALS

PSYCHOLOGIA UNIVERSALIS series

Founded by the publishing house "Gardariki" in 2000

MOSCOW, GARDARIKI 2005

Recommended by the Council for Psychology of the UMO for classical university education as a teaching aid for students of higher educational institutions studying in the direction and specialties of psychology.

The textbook examines the problems of the genesis, development and functioning of the family as an integral system in the unity of its structural and functional components. The main characteristics of marital relations (emotional ties, role structure of the family, communication features, cohesion), harmonious and disharmonious families are given. Particular attention is paid to parent-child relations and problems of raising children in a family, emotional relationships between parents and children, including the specifics of maternal and paternal love, child attachment, parameters of family education.

Addressed to students of psychological and pedagogical universities, professionals working with families, practical psychologists, teachers, social workers, as well as parents.

INTRODUCTION

The subject and tasks of family psychology

Family psychology is a relatively young branch of psychological knowledge that is in its infancy. It is based on the richest practice of family psychotherapy, the experience of psychological assistance to the family and family counseling, the practice of psychological counseling of parents on the upbringing and development of children and adolescents. A distinctive feature of family psychology as a scientific discipline is its inextricable link with psychological practice. It is the social demand for optimizing the life of the family, increasing the efficiency of marriage and parent-child relations, solving the problems of raising children in the family that accelerated the development and process of institutionalization of this scientific discipline.

Over the past decade, a number of alarming trends have emerged, indicating crisis phenomena in family life, affecting both marital and child-parent relationships. The relevance of the development of a new scientific discipline - family psychology - is associated with a general deterioration in the psychological atmosphere and an increase in dysfunctionality and conflict in a significant part of Russian families. These unfavorable trends are explained by socio-economic conditions: the instability of the social system, low material living standards, problems of professional employment in most regions of Russia, the transformation of the traditionally established role structure of the family and the distribution of role functions between spouses. An increasing number of dysfunctional families in which the deviant behavior of spouses - alcoholism, aggression, - communication disorders, unmet needs of partners for respect, love and recognition cause an increase in emotional and personal disorders, tension, loss of feelings of love and security, violations of personal growth and the formation of identity ...

A change in the demographic situation - a drop in the birth rate and, as a result, an increase in the proportion of one-child families - leads to difficulties in personal development and insufficient communicative competence of children brought up in such families. The unsatisfactory level of the father's realization of the upbringing function in a significant number of Russian families should be noted. Along with the favorable tendency of the father's active involvement in the upbringing process, even at the stage of early childhood, the tendency of the father to distance himself from the problems of upbringing, his low emotional involvement and orientation towards parenting, which is a significant factor in achieving personal identity and psychological maturity, appears just as clearly. Population migration associated with employment and the characteristics of professional activity has led to an increase in the number of functionally incomplete families in which one of the spouses cannot constantly fulfill their roles.

The disharmony of the family upbringing system is a fairly common symptom of dysfunction in the modern Russian family, where an increase in cases of child abuse, hypoprotection and contradictory upbringing should be considered the actual indicators of the disharmony of the family upbringing style.

The increase in the number of divorces - at least 1/3 of families who have entered into marriage break up - has become one of the most pressing social problems. The cost of divorce is extremely high. In terms of stress, divorce is one of the first places among difficult life events. The result of divorce and the breakdown of the family is the formation of an incomplete family, mainly of the maternal type. In a significant number of cases in such a family, there is a role overload of the mother and, as a consequence, a decrease in the effectiveness of upbringing. The psychological consequences of divorce and raising children in an incomplete family are violations of the development of the self-concept, violations of the formation of sex-role identity, affective disorders, disorders of communication with peers and in the family.

Another social problem is the growing number of informal (civil) marriages. Between 1980 and 2000, the number of civil marriages increased sixfold; 30% of men between the ages of 18 and 30 live in a civil marriage, 85% later marry, and only 40% of concluded marriages remain. The main reason for the preference for civil marriages is the unwillingness of the spouses to take full responsibility for the family, partner and children. Because of this, a family living in a civil marriage is quite often characterized by destructiveness, conflict, and a low level of security.

Another social problem is associated with an increase in the number of children left without parental care, in particular, a sharp increase in social orphanhood (with living parents). Today, there are more than 500 thousand such orphans. difficult material and economic situation of the family (15%). In the case of deprivation of parental rights in the overwhelming majority of families (over 90%), the father and mother suffer from alcoholism. Voluntary abandonment of parenting is most often due to the child's illness, difficult material and living conditions, usually in an incomplete family. The number of street children is growing. Thus, an insufficiently thought-out system of housing privatization led to a sharp increase in homeless children. The expansion of the network of social rehabilitation centers and social shelters allows, to a certain extent, to ensure the necessary level of protection and social adaptation of such children, however, neither the number of such institutions, nor the level of psychological assistance provided to inmates in these centers can be considered sufficient and satisfactory to ensure the conditions for their full-fledged mental development.

Decrease and impoverishment of communication in the family, lack of emotional warmth, acceptance, low awareness of parents about the real needs, interests and problems of the child, lack of cooperation and cooperation in the family lead to difficulties in the development of children. At the same time, one can state the tendency of shifting parental functions to children's educational institutions (kindergartens, schools), as well as to specially invited personnel (nannies, governess) and, thereby, parents' self-removal from the process of raising a child.

The theoretical basis of family psychology was research in social psychology, personality psychology, developmental psychology, educational psychology, and clinical psychology. Social psychology, based on the concept of the family as a small group, studies the issues of the role structure of the family and leadership in the family, the stages in the development of the family as a group, the problems of choosing a marriage partner, problems of family cohesion, conflicts in the family and ways to resolve them. Developmental psychology and developmental psychology focused their research on the patterns of personality development in the family at different age stages, content, conditions and factors of socialization, problems of raising a child in a family, psychological characteristics of parent-child relationships. Age-psychological counseling, aimed at monitoring the course of the child's mental development, prevention and correction of negative development trends, considers family and family education as the most important component of the child's social situation. Family education and pedagogy have always been the most important branches of pedagogical science. Personality psychology considers communication and interpersonal relationships in the family as the basis for personal growth and self-realization, develops forms and methods for optimizing a person's personal development, taking into account the resources of the family. Within the framework of clinical psychology, intrafamilial relationships are considered as an important factor in the context of the problems of etiology, therapy and rehabilitation after overcoming mental disorders and deviations. So, the system of scientific knowledge gained in various areas of psychological research, the experience of the practice of providing psychological assistance to the family and family counseling have created theoretical basis of modern family psychology, whose urgent task is to integrate knowledge about the family and practical experience of working with the family into an integral psychological discipline - the psychology of the family.

The subject of family psychology are the functional structure of the family, the basic laws and dynamics of its development; personality development in the family.

The tasks of family psychology include:

• study of the patterns of formation and development of the functional-role structure of the family at various stages of its life cycle;
• study of the premarital period, the peculiarities of finding and choosing a marriage partner;
• the study of the psychological characteristics of marital relations;
• study of the psychological characteristics of parent-child relationships;
• studying the role of family education in the development of a child at different age stages;
• studying abnormal family crises and developing strategies to overcome them.

Practical application of knowledge in the field of family psychology, it involves the following activities of a family psychologist and family counselor:

• psychological counseling on marriage issues, including the choice of a marriage partner and the conclusion of marriage;
• counseling on matters of marital relations (diagnostics, correction, prevention);
• psychological assistance to the family in crisis situations and in divorce;
• counseling, diagnostics, prevention and correction of parent-child relationships;
• psychological counseling on the upbringing and development of children and adolescents (diagnostics, prevention, correction of disorders and developmental disabilities);
• psychological counseling on the problems of raising children at risk and gifted children;
• psychological assistance in matters of adoption and upbringing of adopted children;
• psychological prevention of deviations and developmental disorders in children and adolescents brought up “without a family” (in conditions of deprivation of communication with a close adult);
• psychological counseling and support of pregnancy and childbirth;
• psychological support for the development of parenting.

Questions and tasks

3.1. THEORETICAL SOCIAL AND CLINICAL psychology FAMILIES NECESSARY FOR A SPECIALIST TO WORK WITH THE "FAMILY SOCIOGRAM" PROJECTIVE METHOD

Definition of a family.

Areas of her psychological study

A family- This is a unit of society (small social group) and the most important form of organizing personal life. It is based on the conjugal union and family ties - the relationship between husband and wife, parents and children, brothers and sisters and other relatives living together and leading a joint household [Soloviev N. Ya., 1977].

In psychological science, the family is studied primarily within the framework of social and clinical (medical) psychology.

Subject of Social Psychology of the Family- these are psychological patterns, features of behavior, interaction and communication of people, due to their inclusion in the family as a social group, as well as the characteristics of the family as a small group.

The subject of clinical family psychology are the features of family functioning in their meaning for the diagnosis, treatment and prevention of diseases, as well as the preservation and strengthening of the health of family members [Nikolskaya IM, / 1m) \ 2009].

The most important characteristics of a family are considered to be its functions, structure and dynamics [Eidemiller EG, Yustitskis V., Eidemiller EG et al., 2003]. The functions show what the family “does” on a daily basis, the structure - how the family is arranged, the dynamics - how it changes in the process of its development.

In addition to these characteristics, in this section we will consider the ionic indicators of the family as a system: the structure of the family (line, external and internal boundaries, family subsystems, etc.)

Family functions.

The concept of a normally functioning

And a dysfunctional family

Function- This is the life of the family, associated with the satisfaction of certain needs of its members. The family's fulfillment of its functions is important not only for family members, but also for society as a whole.

Household function involves the satisfaction of the material needs of family members (food, shelter, etc.). This contributes to the preservation of their physical health, the restoration of the physical strength expended in various types of activity.

Sexual-erotic function family is to satisfy sexual and erotic needs. Taking into account social norms and requirements, it is important that the family at the same time regulates sexual and erotic behavior and ensures the biological reproduction of members of society.

Educational function family concerns the individual needs of men and women in fatherhood and motherhood, in contacts with children and in their upbringing, as well as the fact that parents can realize themselves in children. For society, this function ensures the socialization of children and the preparation of new members of society.

Emotional function family involves meeting the needs of family members for sympathy, respect, recognition, emotional support, psychological security. It preserves mental health and contributes to emotional and personal stabilization.

The function of spiritual (cultural) communication associated with the need for joint leisure activities, mutual spiritual enrichment and contributes to the spiritual development of family members.

Primary social control function ensures that family members fulfill social norms. This is especially true for those who, due to age or clinical characteristics, are not able to build their own behavior in accordance with the norms of society.

A family's failure to fulfill its basic functions leads to physical and mental health problems for family members, adjustment disorders, and family breakdown. For example, a violation of sexual and erotic function not only leads to marital conflicts and divorce, but also provokes family members the emergence of severe neuropsychiatric disorders. Parents' failure to perform the function of primary social control in relation to their children can cause deviant and delinquent behavior

With this in mind, based on the concept of family functions, there are two main types of families: normally functioning and dysfunctional [Eidemiller EG, Dobryakov IV, Nikolskaya I. M "2003].

A normally functioning family- a family that responsibly and differentiatedly performs all of its functions, as a result of which the need for growth and changes is satisfied both for the family as a whole and for each of its members.

Dysfunctional family- a family in which the performance of one or several functions is impaired. As a result, the needs of family members and the family as a whole are not being met. This hinders the personal growth of family members, blocks the need for self-actualization, leads to the appearance of symptoms of neuropsychiatric disorders, and the family can lead to disintegration.

Severe family dysfunction contributes to the formation family role "symptom bearer", which is assumed by the family member who has the lowest social status in it due to a variety of physical or psychological reasons. In the role of a "symptom carrier", this member of the family acts as an important link in the complex mechanism of pathological adaptation of both an individual with neuropsychiatric disorders and a dysfunctional family as a whole.

Dysfunctional family is a rigid family system. Regardless of changes in external and internal conditions, it stubbornly tries to maintain the usual standards of interaction between the elements of its subsystems and other systems. The "symptom bearer" allows the family to maintain the old established relationship between its members. His symptomatic behavior is involuntary, unconscious and uncontrollable by the patient. It has a relatively strong effect on other people and can be conditionally beneficial not only to the patient, but also to family members. The bearer of the symptom acts as Identified patient- a family member whose clinical, psychological and behavioral problems force the family to unite and seek psychological help. However, if the family is viewed as a self-regulating system, asymptome - as a regulation mechanism, then in the event of elimination of the symptom, the entire system will be temporarily unregulated and will be forced to move to another level of functioning. A specific feature of a dysfunctional family is its rigidity, a desire to maintain the status quo, so it will often unconsciously resist changes and try to maintain the symptom, despite turning to a specialist for help.

Family structure

Structure- This is the composition of family members, as well as the totality of their relationships. In our country, the most common structure is in which a family consists of adults (husband, wife, and in some cases grandparents) and children (usually a Russian family has one or two children).

Family structure is based on two types of relationships:

domination - subordination (hierarchy, or distribution of power v);

proximity - distance (connection, or emotional distance between family members).

Hierarchy, or the distribution of power, shows who is in charge of the family, who is the executor, how rights and responsibilities are distributed among family members. From the point of view of structure, it is possible to distinguish families, where leadership is concentrated in the hands of one family member, and families, where the equal participation of several family members in management is expressed.

According to V.N. Druzhinin, the dominant family member ensures security, is responsible for maintaining normal relations between family members, determines the prospects for life and instills faith in the future. The dominance of one of the spouses is a necessary condition for the stability of the family.

The father dominates in the patriarchal family, and the mother dominates in the matriarchal family. In a child-centered family, the child, his needs or whims, is psychologically dominant.

When determining dominance, it is important not only who dominates, but also the hierarchy of power-subordination itself (in the order of dominance), for example, Father - mother - child; Father - child - mother; Mother - father - child; Mother - child - father; Child - father - mother; Child - mother - father.

Every married couple faces the problem of power sharing and the creation of a hierarchy in the family. The concept of power is associated not only with domination, but also with caring for other family members, responsibility for their change. Spouses share power among themselves in different ways. For example, if in a family decisions related to home and upbringing are taken by one of the spouses, then the other's sphere of authority includes decisions related to money and relationships with friends.

When living with a husband's or wife's parents, dominance becomes more difficult. Most often, power in the family is taken by the maternal grandmother or the paternal grandfather. The grandmother replaces the functions of the mother in the family, who begins to fulfill some of the functions of the father. The father, in turn, comes into conflict with the mother and grandmother for the right to actively participate in the life of the family.

In cases of difficulties in the relationship between parents, a son or daughter often becomes a resource in the struggle for power between spouses, who equalize the parents and occupy the highest step in the family hierarchy. In the face of childhood ill-being, marital problems are at least temporarily pushed aside, it becomes possible to look at oneself as the parents that their child needs. He turns into a source of special care on the part of parents, who direct all their efforts to change behavior for the better. Disorders in the behavior of children can thus be seen as protective, helping to save the family from impending disaster. In other words, the child (identified patient) “as it were” comes to the rescue of both parents at the same time, unaware of his significant role.

A family devoid of the duality of hierarchical organization, when parents are returned to the position of the highest level in relation to children, becomes harmonious if the mother and father work together to change the child's behavior. In a family organization, parents need to occupy a higher position in the hierarchy than children, since they are in a position of seniority and unconditional responsibility for the child.

It is assumed that in a stable family the same subject has power and responsibility, and family members are psychologically closer to him than to each other.

It so happens when one of the spouses arrogates to himself the right to individually decide the main issues on which the life of the family depends, and the other becomes powerless and enters into a coalition with the child, which undermines the power of the head of the family.

Sometimes the source of power is the illness of one of the family members (depression, alcoholism, fears, psychosomatic disorders). It acts as a means to help achieve a relative balance in the possession of power.

The family will live harmoniously in cases where the distribution of power established in it will not interfere with the performance of its main functions aimed at meeting the needs of family members.

Connection(cohesion) is the psychological distance between family members. At different stages of the life cycle of a family, it is different, reflecting the changing needs of its members. The general rule is that if the psychological distance is very close (symbiosis) or, on the contrary, very distant (disunity), this can lead to family dysfunction. Symbiotic relationships hinder the formation of self-images of family members and block the need v growth and change. Disunity as an autonomous existence does not allow the family to fulfill its main functions: emotional, spiritual (cultural) communication, primary social control, etc.

Family structure disorders make it difficult for the family to perform its functions or hinder it, which also leads to the appearance of family dysfunction. For example, when the usual composition of the family changes (the death of the mother, the absence of the father, childlessness), the family is immediately assigned to the “risk” group, since the performance of educational and other functions suffers. Disordered relationships can be equally problematic. So, too great a distance between parents and children leads them to a lonely autonomous existence, gives rise to a feeling of inferiority and insecurity. Another example is the power struggle between spouses, which is the first impetus for quarrels among two out of three divorcing couples. Another example is the uneven distribution of household responsibilities between family members, which leads to overloading women, their unbearable neuropsychic stress.

It should be remembered that with the development of the family, its functions change naturally: some are lost, others appear in accordance with new social conditions. As a result, the structure of the family also changes. According to sociologists, currently in our country there are simultaneously family trim models, differing in their structure: patriarchal, child-centered and conjugal [Golod SI, 1998]. In reality, they are mutually intertwined, but in the practice of family counseling and psychotherapy, one can quite often meet with extreme variants of such families, which have both sanogenic and pathogenic effects on their members.

Patriarchal family the most archaic. It is characterized by a relationship of domination and subordination: the dependence of the wife on her husband, children from their parents, the youngest child from the older. And this connection is a rigid consolidation of family roles.

The marriage is outwardly stable, the family consists of several generations: grandparents, parents and children. Large families are encouraged, since the household function is one of the most important for this family.

The husband is considered the main thing in the family: all the economic resources of the family are concentrated in his hands, he makes all the main decisions. The wife accepts the husband's surname, obeys him and treats him with respect. Its main functions are to give birth and raise children, to run a household. The family is distinguished by parental authority and an authoritarian upbringing system.

The rigid hierarchical structure of the patriarchal family can lead to the fact that subordinate family members, primarily the wife and children, will not be satisfied with the distribution of power that prevents the satisfaction of their needs. As a result, this family can turn into a dysfunctional one with all the ensuing consequences. For example, the problem of domestic violence, which is urgent for many regions of our country, is directly related to living in a family with this structure.

Childcentric family elevates the role of privacy, intimacy and value in children. The relationship between husband and wife is more or less equal; sexuality practiced in marriage is not limited to childbirth. The spouse and regulate the timing and frequency of conception and jointly decide on the number of children. Socialization takes on a different meaning, since there can be only one child in a family, who often spends most of the time with his parents, and not with the children.

He turns into an object of special parental care and persistent affection, they try to give him the maximum possible education. The main function of the family is educational. Parenting styles range from authoritarian to pampering. In general, children enjoy more material and spiritual benefits than their parents, and can act as the main meaning of the family. When children grow up, they can separate from their parents, however, having separated, they do not lose touch with the parental family. Parents provide material and moral support to children, hoping that, if necessary, they will act in relation to them in the right way.

The central position of a child in a child-centered family can in some cases lead to the fact that he receives more power than his parents, and begins to control them at his own discretion, dictating his will. Another problem with this family model is that too close a distance, often symbiotic relationship between parent (s) and child can lead to their mutual emotional dependence. As a result, a self-centered adult child from such a family is often unable to live without the support of their parents, and parents, in turn, may prevent him from separating, fearing that they will lose their main meaning of existence and feeling anxious to be left alone, having surrendered parental obligations.

Changed in the XX century. the social position of a woman, her struggle for equal rights with men led to the emergence spousal family model. Matrimony is a personal interaction between husband and wife, governed by moral principles and their inherent inner values. This interaction is characterized by the symmetry of rights and at the same time the asymmetry of the roles of husband and wife,

The husband's conscious encouragement of his wife's personality is associated with an increase in the importance of her personal characteristics for himself. The sexual expressiveness of the wife, and not only her economic and practical qualities and health, which in the past were of decisive importance in choosing a spouse, began to be of particular importance for the husband.

Husband and wife have ceased to unconditionally subordinate their own interests to the interests of children, sexuality has ceased to be reduced to childbirth, and eroticism has become characteristic of marital relations in Poland. The spousal model of the family opened up wide opportunities for the autonomy and self-realization of each family member: the interests of the husband and wife became more diverse than those of the family, and their needs and social circle went beyond marriage.

The frequency of regular communication between spouses and their parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters and other relatives in this family is low.

In some cases, spouses may deliberately refuse to have children, believing that having a child can interfere with their close relationships, successful professional careers, personal and spiritual growth.

A decrease in the sexual attractiveness of a partner and a loss of interest in him often becomes a factor leading to the breakdown of a married family. If a child grows up in it, then quite often close relationships between spouses and their priority lead to his autonomy and personal instability.

Transcript

1 N. S. Fontalova Family Psychology and Family Counseling Textbook 0

2 Ministry of Education and Science of the Russian Federation Baikal State University of Economics and Law N.S. Fontalova Family psychology and family counseling Textbook Irkutsk Publishing house BSUEP

3 UDC 316.6 (075.8) ББК 88.5я7 Ф78 Published by the decision of the Editorial and Publishing Council of the Baikal State University of Economics and Law Reviewers Dr. psychol. Sciences, prof. T.A. Terekhova Cand. psychol. Sciences, Assoc. IN AND. Rerke Fontalova N.S. F78 Family psychology and family counseling: textbook. manual / N.S. Fontalova. Irkutsk: BSUEP Publishing House, p. ISBN The types and functions of the family, the peculiarities of family relations, the specifics of choosing a partner, models of psychological counseling of the family are considered. The manual contains methods of psychological research of family relations, in addition, practical tasks, exercises and questions that can be used to test the quality of assimilation of students' knowledge. For full-time, part-time and accelerated students, practicing psychologists, social workers specializing in family relations. UDC316.6 (075.8) BBK88.5ya7 Fontalova N.S., 2013 ISBN Publishing house BSUEP,

4 CONTENTS Foreword ... 4 Theoretical foundations of family psychology and family counseling ... 5 Topic 1. The essence of family and marriage ... 5 Topic 2. Family as a system Topic 3. Formation of a married couple Topic 4. Factors of family well-being, stages and crisis periods of marriage Topic 5. Marital conflicts Topic 6. Divorce as a socio-psychological phenomenon Topic 7. Types and types of parent-child relationships Topic 8. Essence and specificity of psychological counseling Topic 9. Models of psychological counseling of the family Topic 10. Sociometric techniques for working with the family Methods of psychological research of marital relationships A list of questions for self-examination Approximate topics of essays, essays, reports Test tasks for self-examination Exercises for practical exercises Glossary List of recommended literature

5 FOREWORD Currently, practicing psychologists have a great interest in issues related to family problems. This can be largely due to the increase in the number of divorces, the growth of single-parent families, and socially negative phenomena. In turn, the increased need of the family for qualified psychological assistance is also noted. This is confirmed by the increase in the number of visits to psychological centers, psychological services and psychologists-practitioners of both individual family members and families as a whole. Psychological assistance to the family is a relatively new area of ​​activity for a practical psychologist. Today, there is a shortage of highly qualified specialists who are ready to competently and effectively provide psychological assistance to the family. The purpose of this manual is to provide theoretical and practical material that will help students in the future professional activity of psychologists in the theoretical understanding of the studied phenomena and the application of modern psychological knowledge in practice. The manual contains practical assignments, exercises and questions that can be used to test the quality of the assimilation of knowledge by students in the course of studying the disciplines "Family Counseling", "Basics of Counseling". At the end of each topic, self-examination questions and a list of recommended reading are offered to help you find answers to your questions. The proposed textbook is addressed to students studying in the direction of "Psychology", as well as teachers, practicing psychologists, social workers, teachers, as well as specialists working in the field of education. 4

6 THEORETICAL BASIS OF FAMILY PSYCHOLOGY AND FAMILY COUNSELING Plan: 1. Basic concepts. 2. Typology of the family. 3. Functions of the family. Topic 1. ESSENCE OF FAMILY AND MARRIAGE 1. Basic concepts There are many definitions of the concept of "family", which are somewhat similar (they still define the same phenomenon!), But each author focuses on those aspects that he considers important. I will cite the most interesting ones, highlighting the important, in my opinion, moments. “The family is a historically specific system of relationships between spouses, between parents and children” (A. G. Kharchev, sociologist). "A family is a collection of individuals, consisting of at least one of three types of relationships: consanguineous relations (brother, brother, brother, sister, etc.), relations of procreation (parents, children), relationships of property (husband to wife)" (S. I. Golond, sociologist). “A family corresponding to the norms and values ​​of a given society is a social group united by a set of interpersonal relations formed in joint activity: husband, wife, parents, children, children, children” (Psychological Dictionary). What all these definitions have in common is that a family is a group of people united by a variety of relationships between spouses, parents, and children. At the same time, A.G. Kharchev emphasizes the historical concreteness of the family, that is, its variability, the variability of its structure, relations between its members, depending on a specific historical period (socio-economic conditions, the development of social relations, etc.). SI Golod, in turn, focuses on various types of relationships (kinship, procreation, properties), highlighting the complexity of the family structure, and hence the complexity of its study. In the psychological definition, two points are important for us. First, the family as a social institution corresponds to the norms and values ​​of society, that is, the family, relatively speaking, fulfills the order of society to shape the personality for a given society (and this applies to both children and adult family members). And secondly, family members are united by joint activities, and this distinguishes it from the simple cohabitation of different people on a common territory. Society regulates family relations through marriage as a social form of relations (a system of moral and legal norms) between husband and wife, or, in other words, marriage is the recognition, consolidation and regulation of relations between a man and a woman for the fullest satisfaction of their material, spiritual, sexual and other needs. Society is interested in the sustainability of marital relations, so it implements 5

7 external social control over the optimal functioning of marriage through the system of public opinion, means of social influence, the process of education. The totality of socially regulated relations between marriage partners is usually designated as matrimony. Thus, speaking about the relationship between the concepts of marriage and family, we see that "marriage" is rather a sociological, legal concept, it is a formal, socially determined side of the relationship between husband and wife, while "family" is a rather psychological concept, representing a complex system of personal relationships , which includes not only spouses, but also their children and other relatives. The family is a more complex system of relationships than marriage. 2. Typologies of the family The historical and cultural variability of marriage and the family, the diversity of relationships that unites people, gives rise to a wide range of typologies of families. Let's consider the main ones. 1. By the type of marriage. Monogamy (from gray, gamos marriage) is the union between one man and one woman. This type of marriage is accepted in European countries and in Russia. That is why in the following we will consider monogamous families. Polygyny is the union of one man with several women. This type of marriage is common in countries where the leading religion is Islam. At the same time, the first wife is almost always considered the eldest and has many rights and privileges, but the head of the family is, of course, the husband. Polyandry is the union of one woman with several men. Polyandry is most often dictated by economic reasons, as it allows not to divide, say, agricultural land. The brothers marry one girl together and continue to cultivate their family allotment together, which is then inherited by their common sons, just like their fathers, they will bring only one woman into the house. A woman with polyandry is almost always the head of the family. Polygyny and polyandry are varieties of polygamous marriage. 2. By the sphere of choosing a spouse. Endogamous family marriage is concluded within the framework of its own, but wider community (within the same social class, for example, employees or people of the arts). Sometimes they talk about the social homogeneity of such a family. Exogamous family marriage is between partners belonging to different groups. Such a family is called socially heterogeneous. In Russia, before the 1917 revolution, the principle of endogamy was observed quite rigidly: it was useless for nobles to be related to slaves, and the border between, say, nobles and merchants was quite impenetrable. The Soviet government formally proclaimed the equality of all citizens of society, regardless of their origin, nationality or belonging to one or another social class (workers, employees, peasants, etc.), and the legislative obstacles to marriage between a man and a woman from different social strata were 6

8 eliminated. However, "public opinion" continued to favor endogamous marriages and condemn exogamous ones. For example, the son of a scientist could meet the resistance of his parents if he wanted to marry a “simple” girl from a working-class family. Or a girl from a Tatar family was forced to defend her right to marry a Russian youth. 3. By the distribution of power in the family. Patriarchal (from the Greek pater father, arche beginning, power) family, the father exercises power and enjoys the highest authority. Matriarchy family power in the family belongs to the mother. Egalitarian, or biarchal, the spouse's family are equal, power is exercised jointly. Sometimes in the literature one can find the division of families into authoritarian, when power in the family is exercised by one of the spouses, and egalitarian, which apparently imply the presence of democratic principles for the implementation of power. However, not all researchers share this point of view. In particular, V.N.Druzhinin considers a family with an egalitarian type of distribution of power to be the result of the crisis of the family as a social institution that masks the disintegration of the family. In his opinion, in an egalitarian family, the distribution of power is a constant ground for conflict, so he calls it "conflict". He substantiates his point of view by considering such types of relationships that are realized in the family as dominance-submission and responsibility. In his opinion, the dominant family member (or the head of the family), whose task is to ensure the safety of the family, coordinate the actions of its members, determine the prospects for life and development of the family, affects the behavior of other family members and is responsible for the family as a whole and for maintaining normal relations between family members in front of themselves, family and social environment. VN Druzhinin calls a “normal” family one in which the husband (father) bears responsibility, “abnormal” where the husband is not responsible for the family. According to the author, the most stable, “ideal” family is one in which the subject of responsibility and power is one and the same person, and family members are psychologically closer to him than to each other. 4. By the composition of the family. Nuclear (separate, simple) family: a spouse without children or with children living separately from other relatives. An incomplete family, one parent (more often a mother) and a child (children). A complex (extended) family consists of representatives of several generations; can be represented as a union of the nuclear family and relatives (grandmothers, grandchildren, sisters, etc.). A blended family a reconstructed family resulting from the marriage of divorced people; includes step parents and step children, as children from a previous marriage join the new family. 5. By the degree of emotional well-being of the family. A prosperous, happy family is characterized by strong, enduring relationships of love, trust, emotional balance, achievement of 7

9 internal integration of spouses, the absence of conflicts. A stable family is also characterized by strong, stable relationships, but at the same time, there are conflicts and some contradictions in the family that are overcome (or the family's efforts are aimed at overcoming them). A problem family is characterized by the presence of a long-term difficult life situation that can deal a blow to the stability of the marriage (for example, homelessness, long-term illness of a family member, condemnation of a family member for a long time, etc.). A conflict family between spouses there are areas where their interests, needs, intentions and desires constantly collide, giving rise to strong and long-term negative emotions; such families are at high risk of breakdown. Sometimes prosperous and stable families are labeled as functional, and problem and conflict families as dysfunctional. At the same time, an emphasis is placed on the ability of this or that family to realize its main functions of psychological support and socialization of family members. families at the present stage). The patriarchal, or traditional, family existed as the only possible one in Europe (including Russia) until the 20th century. It has the following characteristic features: economic resources and major decision-making are concentrated in the hands of the husband; intrafamilial roles are rigidly fixed (the woman is the "keeper of the hearth", the husband is the "breadwinner"); parental authority is absolute (parents decide the fate of their children, parents know what is best for them, the most serious offense is disobedience to parents); rigid gender and age subordination; lack of individual selectivity at all stages of the family cycle (the choice of a marriage partner is made by the parents of the bride and groom among themselves on the basis of benefits for the family, personal relationships, affection and sympathy are not important; benefits for the family, and not personal interests, determine the professional activities of adult children). The dominant place is occupied by kinship relations; all other relationships (marital, attitude towards children, etc.) are determined by the interests of the extended family. The child-centric, or modern, family appears in the XX century, becomes widespread since the second half of the XX century. It is characterized by a decrease in parental influence on adult children; the choice of a spouse becomes individualized and is determined by the interpersonal relationship of love. The role of private life, the sensual side of marriage and intimacy rises; sexuality is perceived as an independent value, and not only as a method of procreation; the relationship between husband and wife becomes more or less equal. As a result, it becomes necessary to plan the number of children and the time of their birth, which leads to a reduction in the reproductive period to 5-10 years and the birth of one or two children. Desired Reb- 8

10 Nok turns into an object of parental love and enduring affection, his interests and desires are at the center of family relationships. The dominant place is occupied by the relationship of parenthood; all other relationships (marital, attitude towards parents, etc.) are determined by the interests of the children. The spousal, or post-modern, family has appeared in recent years, and currently continues to form as the leading type of family. It is characterized by the equality and symmetry of the moral duties and privileges of both spouses, which opens up unique opportunities for the emergence of varied and rich relationships between family members. Each spouse perceives himself not only as a parent, subordinating his own interests to the interests of children, but also as a person striving for spiritual interaction with a loved one and realized through this interaction. The dominant place is occupied by the relationship of matrimony; all other relationships (attitude towards children, parents, etc.) are determined by the satisfaction with the marital relationship, the personal interests of the spouses. As a relative new formation, the married family is the least stereotyped, which means that it has many individual forms, various types of relationships between spouses, which ensure the satisfaction of the personal needs of a particular married couple. 3. Functions of the family The family as a social phenomenon performs two groups of functions: 1) social, that is, the functions assigned to it by society (for which society needs such a social institution as the family, what society expects from it); 2) psychological, that is, functions, as they are perceived by family members (why people create a family, what do they expect from it, to satisfy what individual psychological needs their relationship is directed). It should be noted that the functions of the family are realized through interpersonal relations, therefore, in some sources they are considered not as functions, but as different types of family relations. The following functions can be classified as social: Reproduction function as maintaining the biological continuity of society. The family is the only community of people, the increase in members of which occurs not due to an external influx, from the outside, but, relatively speaking, from within due to the birth of children. To maintain the biological continuity of society, it is necessary that each member of society has a replacement for himself, that is, each married couple must have at least two or three children (the number of children should slightly exceed the number of parents, since not all adults create a family and not all for various reasons can give birth to a child). Now, according to statistics, the overwhelming majority of families in Russia have one or two children. Consequently, the task of society is to stimulate the fulfillment of this function by the family. The function of education as maintaining the cultural continuity of society. Usually, this function means the primary socialization of the child as a transfer to the younger generation in general terms of the cultural heritage of society. The family is indispensable in performing this function, especially 9

11 benno in the first 5-7 years of a child's life: she instills in the child the foundations of worldview attitudes, in the family he learns and masters moral norms, here he develops primary skills and behavioral patterns. V.N.Druzhinin, for example, believes that only the socialization of children is a specific function of the family, while others can change over time (in some historical period they can be realized by the family, and in some not). Having analyzed various approaches, R.R. Kalinina distinguishes the following psychological functions: The function of cooperation as cooperation and mutual assistance of family members, support for each other in some undertakings, affairs, in solving certain problems that each family member faces throughout life. The implementation of this function implies awareness of family members about each other's affairs, active exchange of information within the family, as well as economic support for family members (for example, allocating a part of the family budget for starting an entrepreneurial activity or for hobbies (hobbies) of family members). The function of intimacy as a means of satisfying the need for mutual love, emotional closeness, emotional attachment, personality-oriented communication of family members, in mutual understanding. In everyday life, a person may experience discomfort from communicating with people he does not like. In the family, a person communicates with psychologically close, beloved people who are delicate, respectful of his personality, which also contributes to the satisfaction of the need for a sense of significance, the need for another. Recreation function, or restorative function, as an opportunity for moral and psychological support to each other, the ability to relieve stress received outside the family. Unlike the function of cooperation, where the help and support provided by family members to each other is more of a business (informational, economic, etc.) nature, in this case we are talking about psychological, psychotherapeutic assistance. The implementation of this function implies the satisfaction of one of the basic psychological needs of the need for psychological safety and security. The function of self-actualization as providing each family member with the opportunity to fully identify and develop their personal potential, personal growth. OM Zdravomyslova, for example, emphasizes that, being the highest psychological need, the need for self-actualization can be satisfied only within the framework of the marital egalitarian union. It should be noted that all these needs separately can be realized outside the family, for example, in relationships with friends, at work, with random people (the so-called "random companion" effect, which performs a recreational function), etc. However, only full-fledged relations within the family are able to satisfy all these needs in a complex, systematically (and not from case to case) and most adequately, which contributes to an increase in the level of satisfaction with life in general of all family members. At the same time, the multifunctionality of the family requires a comprehensive 10

12 inclusion of personality, creates the preconditions for high selectivity of the partner, gives family relations exceptional depth and intimacy. Another function of the family, highlighted by V.I. Zatsepin. This is a felicitological (from lat. Feli-citas happiness) function, which means creating conditions for the happiness of each family member. This function, according to the author, to some extent unites all other functions, but is independent and significant. There is no generally accepted classification of family functions, but there is interdependence and complementarity between them. Another classification of family functions: reproductive biological reproduction and preservation of offspring, procreation; educational spiritual reproduction of the population. The family forms the personality of the child, has a systematic educational impact on each member throughout life; household maintenance of the physical condition of the family, caring for the elderly; economic and material support by some family members of others: minors, elderly, disabled; the function of organizing leisure time is the maintenance of the family as an integral system; the content and forms of leisure activities depend on the level of culture, national traditions, individual inclinations and interests, the age of family members, and its income; function of social control - responsibility of family members for the behavior of its members in society, their activities; the orienting basis is formed by the values ​​and elements of culture recognized in the whole society or in social groups. Questions for self-examination 1. Define the concept of "family". 2. How is a family different from marriage? 3. What family typologies do you know? 4. List the functions of the family. Recommended reading 1. Aleshina Yu. E. Individual and family psychological counseling. M .: Independent firm "Class", p. 2. Aleshina Yu. E. Family and individual psychological counseling. Moscow: Editorial and Publishing Center of the Consortium "Social Health of Russia", p. 3. Kalinina R.R. An introduction to the psychology of family relationships. SPb .: Speech, p. 4. Schneider LB The psychology of family relations: a course of lectures. Moscow: April-Press, EKSMO-Press, p. 5. Eidemiller EG, Yustitskis V. Psychology and psychotherapy of the family. SPb .: Publishing house "Peter", p. eleven

13 Plan: 1. The concept of the system. 2. The structure of the family system. 3. The property of the family as a system. Topic 2. FAMILY AS A SYSTEM 1. The concept of a system One of the most productive approaches to the study of the family can be considered the systems approach, which is a section of the general theory of systems. General systems theory was developed in the 1930s. Austrian biologist Ludwig von Bertalanffy. In this theory, special attention is paid to the issues of the integrity and organization of real or ideal objects (any device, chemical substance, living cell, organism, society, nature, etc.), the interaction of parts of the whole with each other, the interaction of the whole with the environment ... Considering mainly open systems, L. Bertalanffy paid special attention to the mechanisms of exchange of matter, energy, information between a living organism and the environment, the establishment of internal dynamic equilibrium (homeostasis) and the process of complication of living systems. The systems approach has gained great popularity in recent decades, which is reflected in its spread in various fields of science and practice. This led to a variety of different descriptions of systems, different approaches to their study, the emergence of various private theories. The use of a systematic approach to the study of the family means that the family is viewed as a single, holistic, living system. In the most general sense, a system is a set of elements (material and non-material) that are in relationships and connections with each other, have a certain structure and form a certain integral unity (in relation to the environment). An element selected on the basis of system analysis is an extremely elementary component of the system, which, after isolation, retains its functions in relation to the whole. In a family, family members are usually considered as elements. The presence of a relationship between elements is determined when the presence, absence or change of one element is a prerequisite for the presence, absence or change of another element associated with it. For example, the presence of a connection between family members is determined by the influence of the mood of one on the mood of the other (s). Relationships are stable, regular connections. Thus, the family is an integral system (it acts as a whole in relation to society), the members of which are its elements. Family members are united by strong bonds and relationships that form a structure. 2. The structure of the family system The structure of the family is determined by the following main parameters: 12

14 1. Family subgroups, or substructures are stable associations of several family members performing certain functions. It is possible to identify the main substructures that exist in every family with children: spouses, whose function is, as discussed above (see topic 1, p. 4), in the mutual satisfaction of individual psychological needs; parents, whose function is to transfer cultural experience to the younger generation, socialization and upbringing of children; children, whose function, in my opinion, is to test the knowledge and information received from adults on the experience of real interaction with each other (for example, what does it mean to get what you want when you are not obeyed); it should be borne in mind that when it comes to the information received, we mean not only (and not so much!) what the parents say, but what they do. Family substructures can be both temporary and permanent. Temporary substructures can be formed to carry out certain activities, for example, uniting family members by gender to perform "male" or "female" work. An example of a permanent substructure is the creation of a “male” and “female” coalition in the event of conflicts, mother and daughter unite against father and son, who are forced to “defend”. Unification into substructures can occur not only on the basis of gender, but also on the basis of common interests (the family may have a substructure of music lovers and a substructure of book readers), performance of family functions (a substructure that ensures the material well-being of the family, a substructure responsible for organizing family leisure, etc.) etc.), age (a substructure of elderly family members requiring special attention and patience from other family members), etc. Features of substructures: Each family member is included in several substructures. For example, a woman is included in both the marital and the parental substructure, and can also be included in the female and organizational-leisure substructure. At the same time, E.G. Eidemiller believes that the simultaneous functioning in several substructures is usually ineffective: if the mother scolds her son for poor grades (parental function) and at the same time calls the absence of masculine qualities in her spouse (marital function) as the reason for academic failure , neither the husband does not perceive criticism in his address. The efficiency of the functioning of the family is ensured by a greater number of substructures, both permanent and temporary. A small number of rigidly fixed substructures does not allow the family system to flexibly respond to various stress factors, the influence of which it experiences during its life. It is due to the temporary substructures, which include family members from various permanent substructures (unification of the parental and male substructures by the father's passion for music, the unification with the child's daughter and 13

15 female substructures), warm, supportive relationships between family members, mutual understanding between them are formed, maintained and developed. Family members can be included in unusual substructures. For example, an alcoholic husband may be included in the children's substructure, as requiring constant supervision and care, and a teenage son, who got a job, in the substructure that ensures the material well-being of the family, as well as in the marital substructure (providing emotional support and assistance to the mother). It should be noted that the inclusion of family members in substructures unusual for them is characteristic of dysfunctional, problem families. 2. The family hierarchy is a kind of vertical structure of the family that ensures the distribution of power and responsibility in the family. In functional families, adults (parents) have more power and responsibility than children. However, it is often possible to observe families in which a child is at the top of the family hierarchy, who controls the rest of the family members to satisfy precisely his needs, his desires are devoted to all efforts, all the behavior of family members. In the psychological and pedagogical literature, you can find the concept of "family idol" or "little tyrant" - this is just about such an "inverted" hierarchy. The hierarchy is determined not only by age, but also by other factors, for example, competence in a particular area of ​​family life or material contribution to the family budget. Functional families are characterized by a clear division of power and the presence of leaders. 3. Features of communication and interaction in the family is a qualitative characteristic of the family structure. This includes the rules and stereotypes of interaction. Interaction rules define the way family members behave in different situations. For example: "The family is having dinner when all family members are gathered" or "If you do not want to communicate, go to another room and close the door." Rules allow family members to orientate themselves in reality and give stability to the family if they are not violated. Family rules have several sources: They can be culturally determined, for example, parents should not have sex with their children. The rules can be introduced by spouses from parental families. It should be borne in mind that they may contradict each other. Consider this example: in the wife's family, it was customary to often caress children (hug, stroke, kiss), call them affectionate names and nicknames ("Hare", "Sunny", etc.), feel sorry for them. And in the husband's family, such manifestations were considered "calf tenderness", and therefore unacceptable, and love was demonstrated through patting, teasing, irony ("You are, of course, the most resourceful with us"), and children's tears were either ignored or condemned. When these spouses have children, conflicts constantly arise between them: the wife reproaches her husband that he does not love children enough (since, from her point of view, he does not show his love in any way), and the husband reproaches his wife that she unnecessarily spoils them with her own "Calf tenderness". And then the spouses are faced with the need to develop a rule for the manifestation of love - 14

16 vee in your family. And this is another source of rules. Rules can be worked out by family members, especially spouses, in the course of life together. The rules can be proclaimed: "You need to get up in the morning at the same time, including on weekends and on holidays (on vacation)", or they can exist behind the scenes: "Until the age of twenty, a child is still a child and must obey his parents." The rules, having arisen in a certain period of the family's life (“A mother takes care of a newborn child”), can and should change over time (“A father is engaged in raising a son”). If this does not happen, outdated rules can give rise to conflicts in the family, dissatisfaction of family members with each other. Following the rules contributes to the consolidation of stable ways of behavior of family members, the repetition of their actions and messages, in other words, the formation of stereotypes of interaction. In the stereotypes of interaction, as a rule, one can distinguish an emotional attitude towards the one at whom it is directed: accusation, irritation, admiration, etc. negative) on his self-esteem and self-esteem. 3. The property of the family as a system Psychologists who study families and work with families within the framework of the systems approach distinguish various systemic properties of the family, which can be combined into the following: 1. The system as a whole is qualitatively different from the sum of the properties of its elements. A good illustration of this property is the following example: if we take flour, yeast, eggs (elements of the system) and mix them, we get a dough that is a systemic sum of these elements and at the same time qualitatively different from them, that is, in terms of its properties, the dough does not look like an egg, or yeast, or flour separately. If we add one more intangible element, namely temperature (bake the dough), then we get a system with completely different properties that are not similar either to its constituent elements (flour, yeast, eggs), or to the previous system (dough). If we talk about the family, then, relying on this property, one can, for example, assert that even a complete knowledge of the personal qualities and characteristics of young people (properties of elements) does not allow us to predict the success of their family life (properties of the system as a whole), if we do not we know the qualitative features of relations between them and the existing structure of relations. Moreover, this systemic property (however, like all the others) is manifested not only at the level of the family system as a whole, but also at the level of subsystems, family groups. For example, from parents you can often hear something like the following: “While my children are apart, they are just golden calm, obedient. But as soon as they get together, they do not recognize them: they make noise, indulge, become un- 15

17 manageable ". This situation just demonstrates to us that the combination of elements (in this case, children) acquires completely new properties than those that these elements had by themselves. 2. The properties of an element are determined by its place in the structure. This is how Michael E. Kerr, a systems family therapist, illustrates this property: “Suppose a gifted but ignorant person is given an engine without a carburetor and asked to design a part that will make it work. Then he will study the engine and guess which functional unit is missing. This will allow him to design a part that will perform the required functions. This part may or may not look like a regular carburetor, but that doesn't matter. The most important thing is that it was created in order to perform the necessary functions in the operation of the engine. " The manifestation of this property in the family system may look like this. The spouses really want to have a child, but for certain reasons their desire is not fulfilled. They undergo the necessary examinations, maybe undergo a course of treatment, maybe not, but they are waiting for the birth of a child, dreaming about him, often discussing how they will love him, take care of him, etc. They make a lot of efforts to realize their desires, support each other. Finally, the wife becomes pregnant, during which she is constantly under the supervision of doctors. The husband is very worried about her health and the health of the unborn child. After describing only two elements of the system (spouses) and the structure of relations between them and the child (for now, the future one), we can assume what properties the third element of this system (child) will have or the manifestation of what properties of the third element this system will stimulate. Most likely, it is weakness, soreness, helplessness. It is these properties that are formed in a child, if for the parents he is a "light in the window", if they strive to satisfy all his desires, strive to protect him from the difficulties and difficulties of life. 3. In the system, the properties of elements and the properties of relations between them are interdependent. This property is often referred to in the literature as the "law of circular causality", while mutual (circular) conditioning is opposed to causal (linear) conditioning, which implies the presence of a root cause leading to certain consequences (if you hit the glass with a hammer, it will break; 4. Any living system is capable of self-regulation. In the process of life, the family experiences various influences both from the outside, from the side of society, and from the inside, from the side of its members. The family as a system can react to external and internal influences in the following way: Strive to preserve the existing structure, existing connections and relationships, thus "blocking" the changes occurring with one element (see the consequence from the previous property). Such a reaction of the system at 16

18 literature is often called the "law of homeostasis". Collapse if the system cannot cope with strong changes taking place either within it (for example, the birth of a child) or in society (for example, an economic crisis). Transform (change structure, relationships) with the transition to another level of functioning. Usually, a transformation follows any drastic change in one element or a dramatic change in the relationship between two elements. In this case, the main transforming force in the family is the married couple: it is the changes in this subsystem that lead to changes in the family system as a whole. Relations between spouses deteriorate (cooling of relations, an increase in negative stereotypes of interaction), problems arise in the child (frequent illnesses, deterioration in school, etc.). And vice versa, relations in a married couple are improving (for example, in the course of family psychotherapy) and relations between parents and a child are improved, and the child's problems are reduced to a minimum. The strong changes in one element of the system include, for example, a serious illness of one of the family members, which entails a restructuring of all relations in the family. This is a change in the working rhythm, someone begins to work more to provide treatment or to compensate for the inability to work for the sick person, someone works less in order to be more close to the sick person. This and a change in the general lifestyle of the family, the family stops visiting and inviting guests. This and a change in interpersonal relationships, the child receives less love, affection and attention, since the attention and forces of family members are directed to the sick person, etc. It also entails changes within the people themselves (changes in emotional reactions, life values, etc.) ... All changes taking place in the system serve to maintain its stability. For example, when we talk about the fact that when relations between spouses deteriorate, a child has problems, within the framework of a systematic approach, this means that the child's problems attract the attention of parents, unite them to “save” the child, which means that the family system remains integral ... Now it becomes clear that in this case, a specialist, for example a child psychologist, whom the parents turned to for help, simply cannot "cure" the child (that is, resolve his problems), since the source of his problems is not in himself, but in the relationship between parents. In turn, its problems are a self-regulation mechanism that is triggered by the system in response to internal changes to maintain its stability. 5. The family as a living system interacts with the outside world. Any living system, in order to survive, needs to exchange energy with the external environment. For example, any living organism needs to receive food from the outside for its existence, for its development of new information. In the external environment, the organism gives up the products of its vital activity and also information. Actually, it is the exchange of energy and information with the external environment, in my opinion, that distinguishes living from non-living. The family, of course, is also a living system, and the family system, being in society, interacts with it, that is, it exchanges information.

19 her and energy. The exchange of information takes place through relatives, friends, neighbors, co-workers, the media (television, newspapers), the Internet, through a kindergarten or school where the child goes. According to the degree of intensity of interaction between the family and society, according to the degree of freedom of information passage both from society to the family and from the family to society, the following types are usually distinguished: Open family systems, the exchange of information with society is quite intensive. This is manifested in the hospitality of family members: any guest is welcome here, "the doors are always open", and guests usually visit such families almost all the time. Also, members of such a family like to visit, attend various events that involve people communicating with each other or receiving new information: concerts, circles, discos, etc. Openness also manifests itself in the free circulation of information within the family: the child tells what happened in school, adults talk about what is happening at work, all family members share their impressions of the books they read, the programs and films they watch. Due to this, information received from outside by one family member becomes the property of everyone else. Open family systems, as a rule, are characterized by the flexibility of relations and the structure of the family system as a whole, which allows it to quickly and easily adapt to changes taking place within the family, as well as overcome possible negative influences from the outside through the transformation of the structure of the family system. This state of affairs is due to the fact that in their life, family members use a variety of experiences and information obtained and processed in the course of interaction with society and with each other. In other words, they have in their arsenal many means and opportunities to overcome various negative influences. Closed family systems, the exchange of information with society is minimized. These families, as a rule, lead a closed life, and even neighbors and close relatives have little to say about what is happening within this family. Accordingly, family members prefer to spend time with their families, the social ties of such a family are minimized. Absolutely closed family systems are quite rare, since adults and children at work and at school communicate with other people, receive this or that information from them. However, if it is contrary to family values ​​and family order, then it is perceived as "harmful" and is prohibited from spreading within the family. This happens when a family, for whatever reason, perceives the surrounding society as hostile to itself, as a source of danger and various negative influences. For example, parents do not allow a child to go to discos, class evenings, do not allow him to go to circles, because they believe that there "they will not teach anything good", that there are continuous dangers awaiting the child, bad companies, debauchery, drugs, etc. Moreover, viewing of programs on TV is also strictly controlled by parents, and often in such families TV is simply absent as a source of evil and "indecent" information. eighteen

20 Self-Test Questions 1. In what year was General Systems Theory developed? 2. What is family hierarchy? 3. Describe open and closed family systems. 4. Describe the properties of the family as a system. Recommended reading 1. Aleshina Yu. E. Individual and family psychological counseling / Yu. E. Aleshina. M .: Independent firm "Class", p. 2. Aleshina Yu. E. Family and individual psychological counseling / Yu. E. Aleshina. M.: Editorial and Publishing Center of the Consortium "Social Health of Russia", p. 3. Kalinina RR Introduction to the psychology of family relations / RR Kalinina. SPb. : Speech, p. 4. Schneider LB Psychology of family relations: a course of lectures / LB Schneider. M.: April-Press: EKSMO-Press, p. 5. Eidemiller EG, Yustickis V. Psychology and psychotherapy of the family / EG Eidemiller, V. Yustickis. SPb. : Peter, p. Topic 3. FORMATION OF A MARRIED COUPLE Plan: 1. Theories of choosing a marriage partner. 2. The specifics of the premarital period. In the formation of a married couple, two periods are distinguished: premarital (before the couple decides to marry) and premarital (before the marriage). The source of difficulties in family life can be the peculiarities of choosing a partner, the nature of premarital and premarital courtship, and the decision to marry. 1. Theories of choosing a marriage partner One of the first to think about the reasons for marriage was the founder of classical psychoanalysis 3. Freud. His psychoanalytic theory is based on the assumption that children have attraction to parents of the opposite sex. Through a complex unconscious process, they can transfer the love they feel for this parent to other, socially approved, objects to their potential spouses. This is probably why many young men would like to meet a future life companion, similar to their mother, and very often girls pay attention to young men who are similar to their fathers. The most common theories of choosing a marriage partner include the following: R. Winch's theory of complementary needs, B. Moorstein's “incentive-value-role” theory, instrumental selection theory 19

21 spouses R. Centers, the theory of “filters” by A. Kerkhoff and K. Davis, “circular theory of love” by A. Reis. R. Winch's theory of complementary needs (complementary) is based on the principle that opposites attract. R. Winch writes that in choosing a spouse, each individual is looking for someone from whom he expects the maximum satisfaction of needs. Lovers should have similarities in social traits and psychologically complement each other. Satisfaction, reward, and pleasure are seen as forces that bring future spouses closer together. This theory does not claim that everyone can find a spouse who would fully satisfy their needs. It helps to understand why everyone considers only a few of the entire “chosen field” attractive. According to this theory, for example, a meek woman may be attractive to a powerful man, while a calm and gentle man likes energetic and straight women. The instrumental theory of selection of spouses, developed by R. Centers, also prioritizes the satisfaction of needs, but at the same time claims that some needs are more important than others, some of them are more inherent in men than women, and vice versa. According to R. Centers, a person is attracted to someone whose needs are similar to his own or complement them. The theory of "incentive value role", or "exchange and maximum benefit", B. Murstein received, perhaps, the most widespread among researchers. It is based on two important points. The first is that at each stage of development of the relationship between partners, the strength of the relationship depends on the so-called equality of exchange. In other words, there is a kind of accounting of the pros and cons, assets and liabilities of each partner. As a result, although partners may not be aware of this, some balance of positive and negative characteristics of each is established. If the assets, or incentives to marry, exceed the liabilities, then a decision is made to enter into a spousal union. The second is that marriage choice involves a series of successive stages that young people must go through. Anyone who does not meet the conditions of each stage is eliminated from the “game”. B. Murstein called the first stage “stimulus”. When a man and a woman see each other for the first time, an initial opinion is formed about the appearance of another person, his mind, ability to stay in society, and also there is a perception and assessment of those own qualities that may be attractive to another person. If an attraction arose between the partners, the first impression was attractive, then the couple moves on to the second stage of comparing values. Partners discuss their views on life, marriage, male and female roles in the family, raising children, etc. A man and a woman either strengthen mutual sympathy, or, realizing that they have little in common, break with each other. If the mutual attractiveness that arose at the first stage is supported by the similarity of values, then the relationship between partners passes into the third role-playing stage. In the third stage 20

22 role partners test whether the role behavior of one meets the expectations of the other. Of course, there are people who, having fallen in love with each other, enter into marriage after a short acquaintance, without any anxieties and fears, obeying only feelings. However, most partners try to realize both the advantages and disadvantages of each other and, after carefully weighing the pros and cons, make the final decision. The idea of ​​the existence of several stages in the process of choosing a marriage partner also underlies the theory of "filters" by A. Kerkhoff and K. Davis. Schematically, this process can be represented as a sequential passage through a series of filters that gradually weed out people from a variety of possible partners and narrow the individual choice. The first residence filter filters out those potential partners with whom a person will never be able to meet. Then the homogamy filter excludes those who do not fit each other according to social criteria. At this stage, a person comes into contact with people who seem attractive to him. In subsequent stages, similarities in values ​​and compatibility of role expectations are established. Passing through all filters results in marriage. The "circular theory of love" by A. Reis explains the mechanism of choosing a marriage partner through the implementation of four sequential, interconnected processes. 1. Establishing a relationship. This refers to the ease of communication between two people, in other words, how "at ease" they feel in each other's company. It depends both on socio-cultural factors (social class, education, religion, style, upbringing) and on the individual's ability to come into contact with other people. 2. Self-disclosure. Feeling connected with another person creates a feeling of relaxation, trust and makes it easier to reveal oneself to another. Social and cultural factors also have a great influence here. 3. Formation of mutual dependence. Gradually, a man and a woman develop and develop a system of interrelated habits, a feeling of need for each other appears. 4. Realization of the basic needs of the individual, which, according to A. Reis, are the needs for love, trust, someone's stimulation of her ambitions, etc. The development of the feeling of love goes in the direction from the first process to the fourth. Of course, missing one of them negatively affects the development or stability of love relationships. The German scientist R. Ziedler also believes that the intention to marry in the majority of people in industrialized European countries is preceded by a long process of orientation and socio-cultural attunement of a person to marriage and family. The choice of a marriage partner can be presented, according to R. Ziedler, as a process of filtration. First, the category of socially suitable partners is determined. This happens almost "imperceptibly" for a person in the social environment where he or she moves. Then a specific choice is made from the "aggregate"

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