John Climacus, Rev. The fight against vanity

The passion of vanity is resisted and overcomes by the virtue of humility, say the holy fathers.

In order to resist the passion of vanity, one must realize the deep mental and physical weakness of a person whose nature is upset by original sin, and therefore one’s own weakness. Following the Word of God:

“Without Me you can do nothing” (John 15:4-5),

The Holy Fathers instruct that we cannot do anything good on our own, but only with the help of God, and therefore we must give all the glory to the one God, thank Him for everything good, and reproach ourselves for the faults and imperfections of our deeds, even if we do according to our We cannot see our sins because of our weaknesses. We also need self-reproach in any unpleasant case: we must learn to blame ourselves for everything, not others.

The Holy Fathers say that the passion of vanity “is driven out by intense prayer and voluntary renunciation of doing or saying anything to [acquire] accursed glory” (Evagrius the monk), sobriety, fear of God, remembering one’s sins and reproaching oneself for them, thoughts about the perfection of the Lord's commandments, the memory of death and the Last Judgment.

This is how the virtue of humility is cultivated in the soul, purifying the mental vision.

The vain person sees the world as if in reverse perspective. He thinks that what is actually insignificant is important. And by humbling himself, striving for what is above and despising the worldly, temporary, transitory, a person learns to see things in the true light, in the light of God’s truth. Then he can see the futility and insignificance of worldly glory, the temporary - small and unworthy of attention, and the great and eternal - truly great.

St. John Chrysostom writes about this true perspective:

“How can we overcome vanity? Let us contrast glory with glory. Just as we despise earthly wealth when we look at heavenly wealth, and do not value real life when we think about a much better life, in the same way we can despise the glory of the present world when we think about a much higher glory, about true glory.

Why can’t you overcome vanity when others overcome it, having the same soul, the same body, the same appearance, living the same life? Think about God, think about the highest glory, contrast it with the present - and you will soon leave behind vanity. If you absolutely desire glory, then seek true glory. Is glory the kind that makes you seek honor from those below you and has a need for it? Honor consists in enjoying glory from those above. If you absolutely desire glory, then seek better glory from God. Having loved this one, you will neglect that one, you will see how dishonest she is, and until you recognize this one, you will not see how shameful she is, how ridiculous she is. And while this passion possesses us, we cannot see what this evil is."

Rev. John Climacus:

“If we diligently want to please the Heavenly King, then, without a doubt, we will taste the glory of heaven; and the one who tastes it will despise all earthly glory; and I would be surprised if someone, without tasting the first, could despise the last.

Some, in order to obtain extreme dispassion and a wealth of talents, the power of miracles and the gift of clairvoyance, exhaust their bodies in vain, but these poor people do not know that it is not labor, but most of all humility, that is the mother of these blessings. Whoever asks God for his talents for his labors has laid a dangerous foundation; and whoever considers himself a debtor will suddenly and unexpectedly become rich.

Do not obey this leader when he teaches you to proclaim your virtues for the benefit of those who hear: “What good is it for a man if he uses the whole world but loses his own soul” (Matthew 16:26)? Nothing brings so much benefit to others as a humble and unfeigned character and word. In this way, we will also encourage others so that they do not ascend, and what could be more useful than this?

There is glory from the Lord, for the Scripture says: “... those who glorify Me I will glorify...” (1 Sam. 2:30); and there is glory that comes from the devil’s deceit, for it is said: “Woe, if all men speak good things to you” (Luke 6:26). You will clearly recognize the first when you look at fame as harmful to you, when you turn away from it in every possible way and, wherever you go, you will hide your residence. The second one you can recognize when you do even the smallest thing so that people can see you.

The beginning to the destruction of vanity is guarding the lips and loving dishonor; the middle is cutting off all conceivable tricks of vanity; and the end (if there is an end in this abyss) is to try to do in front of people what humiliates us, and not feel any sorrow at it.

Do not hide your mistakes with this thought, so as not to give your neighbor a reason to stumble; although, perhaps, it will not be useful in every case to use this plaster, depending on the nature of the sins.

When we strive for glory, or when it comes to us from others without seeking on our part, or when we attempt to use certain tricks that serve vanity, then let us remember our cry and think about the holy fear and trembling with which we stood before God in our solitary life. prayer; and thus, without a doubt, we will disgrace shameless vanity, if, however, we strive for true prayer. If we do not have this in us, then let us hasten to remember our outcome. If we do not even have this thought, then at least we will be afraid of the shame that follows vanity, because he who is exalted will certainly humble himself (Luke 14:11) even here, before the age to come.

When our praisers, or, better to say, seducers, begin to praise us, then let us hasten to remember our many iniquities and see that we are truly unworthy of what they say or do in our honor.”

St. rights John of Kronstadt instructs:

Remember, man, that you are a moral and physical nonentity; moral - because you are all sin, passion, weakness, and physical - because your body is earthly dust; - so that through this they can vividly and tangibly show their humility before God, as the ancient people, and even today some, visually depicted this, sprinkling ashes on their heads, taking off their light clothes, which feed vanity and vanity in the immortal human spirit. So, man, the smallest good in you is from God, like the smallest trickle of air that is in you or that you exhale from the air around you.

Rev. Barsanuphius and John teach to humble the thoughts of vanity and arrogance:

Question 407: Also, when I do something good, how should I humble my thoughts? And how can you reproach yourself after doing something good?

Answer. For humility of thought, when you have done all the good deeds and kept all the commandments, remember the One who said: “When you have done everything commanded you, say: we are worthless servants, because we did what we had to do” (Luke 17:10) , especially when we have not yet achieved even one commandment. This is how one should always think and reproach oneself when doing a good deed, and say to oneself: I don’t know whether it pleases God. It is a great thing to do according to the will of God, and to fulfill the will of God is even greater: this is the totality of all the commandments; for to do something according to the will of God is a private matter and less than fulfilling the will of God. That is why the Apostle said: “forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead” (Phil. 3:13). And no matter how much he stretched forward, he did not stop, but always saw himself as insufficient and succeeded; for he (the Apostle) said: “Whoever is perfect among you should think this way” (Phil. 3:15), that is, in order to prosper. He also said that if you think anything else, the Lord will reveal it to you.

Question 408, same. When I fulfill a commandment, how can I avoid arrogance, so as to know that, although I have done good, I am alien to it?

Answer. Brother! We must both recognize good deeds as good and resort to them as good, for good should not be considered evil. But if someone does good without the goal of pleasing God, this good turns out to be evil, according to the intention of the doer. Everyone must try to always do good, and subsequently, by the grace of God, it is given to him that his deeds will be accomplished out of the fear of God. So, when something good is done through you, thank the Giver of good things as the Author of that good, but reproach yourself, saying: if I had done this well, I could have been a participant in this good - and then you will be able to pray to God with tenderness for that, so that He will grant you to be a participant in the good deed accomplished through you.

Question 409, of the same thing. If I happen to show long-suffering in any matter, then my thoughts become wise; What should I think?

Answer. And before this, I already told you that when you happen to do something good, you should know that this is a gift from God, given to you by the goodness of God, for God has mercy on everyone. Pay attention to yourself, so that through your weakness you do not destroy the mercy He shows to you, which extends to all sinners. Do not lose what the Lord has given you for good in evil; This gift is lost when you praise yourself for having endured for a long time and forget God, who has blessed you. On top of this, you will bring condemnation upon yourself as soon as you dare to attribute to yourself that for which you should send thanks to the Lover of Mankind. The apostle says: “What do you have that you did not receive? And if you received it, why do you boast as if you didn’t receive it?” (1 Cor. 4:7). To the thought that praises you for something, say: those who swim in the sea and during the silence do not forget that they are still in the abyss, but always expect storms, dangers and drowning; the silence that occurs for a short time does not bring them complete benefit, because they consider themselves safe only when they arrive at the pier. It also happened to many that even at the very entrance to the pier their ship sank. Likewise, a sinner, while he remains in this world, must always fear drowning. So, never be tempted to believe a thought that praises you for a good deed. Everything good is God’s, and due to our negligence we cannot ensure that it will remain with us. How can we dare to be arrogant after this?

Question 776. When I do something unjust and then correct myself, my thought becomes arrogant, convincing me that I have done something good; What should I tell him in this case?

Answer. Tell him: he who acts unjustly is punished, and whoever corrects his injustice escapes punishment and deserves praise: it is another to do good, and another to act unjustly. One pleases God and prepares us eternal peace, while the other angers Him and prepares eternal torment. This is the very thing that David says: “Turn away from evil and do good” (Ps. 33:15). But without God we cannot do anything good, for He said: “Without Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5); and the Apostle says: “What have you that you have not received? And if you received it, why do you boast as if you didn’t receive it?” (1 Cor. 4:7). And therefore, when we cannot be arrogant in doing good, much less in keeping away from evil. It is great madness to take credit for the fact that we do not sin. Take heed to yourself, brother, so that you are not deceived by evil demons, whom may the Lord abolish through the prayers of His saints. Amen.

St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov):

Let us avoid vanity and pride as a renunciation of the Cross of Christ.

Venerable Anthony the Great:

Do not imitate the Pharisee, who did everything for show.

Don't wear clothes that make you vanity.

Evagrius the monk:

“This demon is driven out by intense prayer and voluntary refusal to do or say anything to [acquire] the damned glory.

No one can overcome these passions unless he neglects food, wealth and [worldly] fame, and also unless he neglects the body, for demons often try to strike [their] blows on it. It is necessary to imitate those who, exposed to danger at sea from strong winds and rising waves, throw [extra] things overboard. However, when doing this, you should be careful not to be in front of people, because otherwise you can suffer a more terrible shipwreck than before, falling into the headwind of vanity. Therefore, our Lord, cultivating the mind of [our] helmsman, says: “See that you do not do your alms before people so that they see you: otherwise you will have no reward from your Heavenly Father” (Matthew 6:1). Also: “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; And again: “When you fast, do not be sad like the hypocrites: for they put on gloomy faces in order to appear to people as fasting. Truly I tell you that they are already receiving their reward” (Matthew 6:16).”

Rev. John Cassian the Roman:

“Therefore, he who wishes to walk in the royal way must walk with the weapon of righteousness in his right hand and in his left, in honor and dishonor, in reproach and praise (2 Cor. 6, 7, 8), and with such caution amid the rising waves of temptations, under the control of prudence and under the influence of the Spirit of God, to guide the path of virtue, so as to know that if you deviate a little to the right or left side, you will immediately break on the underwater, disastrous rocks. Therefore, the wise Solomon exhorts: do not turn aside to the right or to the left (Proverbs 4:27), i.e. do not be vainglorious in virtues, do not exalt yourself with happy successes in the spiritual, do not deviate onto the left path of vices, according to the Apostle, do not seek glory for yourself in your shame (Phil. 3:19). For in whom the devil could not generate vanity with the sight of well-tailored, neat clothes, he tries to tempt him with dirty, poorly made, wretched clothes. Whom he could not overthrow with honor, he will be crushed with humility; whoever could not be forced to exalt himself with knowledge and eloquence is deceived by the importance of silence. If anyone openly fasts, he will be tempted by vain glory. If, in order to avoid fame, one hides it (fasting), one is subject to the same vice of exaltation. In order not to stain himself with the infection of vain glory, he avoids performing lengthy prayers in front of his brothers; and when he begins to secretly practice them, without having a witness to this matter, he also does not avoid the arrows of vanity.

Remedies against vanity.

So, the ascetic of Christ, who wants to legitimately strive for a true, spiritual feat, must try with all his might to defeat this diverse, varied beast. We can avoid this, the many-sided evil that confronts us on all sides, if we reflect on the words of David: “God will scatter the bones of men-pleasers” (Ps. 53:6). Firstly, let us not allow ourselves to do anything with a vain intention, in order to obtain vain glory. Secondly, what we have done well at first, we must try to protect with due attention, so that the creeping passion of vanity does not subsequently abolish all the fruits of our efforts. Also, in order not to pay tribute to vanity, we must with all diligence avoid what is not done in the society of brothers or is not of common use, and avoid what can distinguish us from others and cause people to praise us for the fact that we are alone. we do. For these signs will indicate that the deadly infection of vanity has clung to us. We can easily avoid this by thinking that we will not only destroy the fruit of our labors if we do anything with a vain intention, but also, having become guilty of a great crime, like blasphemers, we will be subjected to eternal torment; since we wanted to do the work intended for God better for people, then the one who knows all the secrets will expose us that we preferred people to God and the glory of the world to the glory of the Lord.”

Rev. Neil Sorsky gives advice on how to deal with thoughts of vanity:

We need a lot of sobriety against the spirit of vanity, because very secretly, with all his tricks, he robs our intention, leaves the monk without success and tries to pervert our work, not for the sake of God, but out of vanity and man-pleasing. Therefore, at all times it is appropriate for us to carefully examine ourselves, [our] feelings and thoughts, so that our work is for the sake of God and for the sake of spiritual benefit, and to avoid human [praise] in everything, always having before the eyes of [the mind] what was said by Saint David: “The Lord scattered the bones of people-pleasers” (Ps. 52:6) - and so always sweep away thoughts that praise and, out of pleasing people, do something compelling; and with all our souls let us affirm the thought of doing everything for the sake of God. If someone, having a firm intention for God, is overcome by weakness, involuntarily by a [vain-glorious] thought, but confesses, praying to the Lord, and turns away from thoughts of vanity, then he is immediately forgiven and boasts of Him who knows our intentions and hearts. Let us do this: if, out of vanity, we begin to think about something, then we will remember [our own] crying and fear-filled anticipation of our solitary prayer, if we have them, but if not, then we will perceive the thought of our outcome - and we will certainly reflect shameless vanity. If this does not [work out], then at least we will be afraid of the shame that follows vanity. For “he who ascends” will certainly “humble himself” here, before the next [age], (Luke 14:11) - this is what John Climacus says. If someone ever begins to praise us, or if an excuse for a vain thought is brought to our mind by invisible enemies, representing us as worthy of honor, majesty, and high thrones, as greater than others, then immediately the multitude and severity of our sins in in our minds we will remember or one of the worst things. And holding him back, say: “Are those who do such things worthy of these praises?” And we will immediately find ourselves unworthy of those human praises, and demonic thoughts will run away and will no longer confuse us with their power, says Nikita Stifat. If, he said, you do not have any evil deeds, then think about the perfection of the commandments - and you will find yourself [as] insufficient as the font is small [in comparison with] the size of the sea.

Rev. Macarius of Optina:

“You write that you have been carried away by praise and self-praise, and you ask: how can I resist this? It seems that it is best to resist with humility; do not attribute anything to yourself, but to God, for He said: “Without Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). What's yours? you are all God's creation; and the gift that you have is His; and ours is only sinfulness, which should humble us.

Vanity was also woven into your zeal, and you yourself know quite well how to avoid it; drive out this serpent from your hearts by self-reproach and avoid anything that can give him food; and whatever good you do, it is not yours, but God’s help and His property; you are only a tool, and the weakest one at that.

You write about your highly intelligent thoughts, that in every correction your thoughts praise you: this is very dangerous and is the beginning of delusion. If every correction were followed by humility, it would be good. Remember your sins more and consider yourself less than everyone else; then the grace of God will justify you. Where are your corrections when you cannot stand any insults? And how can you stop eating dairy? This means adding oil to the fire, and there will be food for your vanity. Consume dairy with moderation, for the glory of God, and you will not be harmed in the least. And you are sick not from milk, but from impatience and lack of humility.

I only consider it necessary to remind you that everything good that you do should be imbued with humility: whether prayer, fasting, almsgiving, forgiveness of others, etc., do all this for the glory of God and with humility. I offer this to you because I know that the hater of goodness, the devil, when he does not have time to turn us away from some good deed, he tries to darken it with arrogance and vanity.

What is done with good intention cannot harm; You just need to watch that ivy does not take hold of good plants, which can dry up their fruit - I mean ivy - vanity, which was approaching you; but for this you need to have courage of mind and see your own thinness; and even the falls will be involuntarily subdued.

As far as I can see, you are driven by vanity, you want people not to notice your weakness, but you want to appear in good order; self-reproach and humility are not visible in you, for which you are not even trying.

You write that vanity fought you for your supposed prudence, but when you remembered the impurity of the high-hearted, it went away; So it is necessary and always to purge this root of evil from the heart; He defiles all the plants of good deeds and makes them obscene. The holy fathers have a lot of instructions and teachings about this.

Lured by vanity, turn your thoughts to your fault. But what is there to be vain about when you are offering someone else’s teaching, not your own? and what God sends into the mind for the benefit of those who ask, according to their faith.

You explain your grief about what you got for your actions towards the world, and ask me to explain this to you, why does this happen? For in your very action your feeling is moved by love and fear. Let us assume that this is so, and let it not be defiled by arrogance and vanity, praise (which, however, later, it is true, the secret of your heart did not escape), but it must be cleansed by the fire of temptations and sorrows, and only then will it be pure love, when you lay down your soul for your neighbor; When you did it, you had time, but you didn’t put in your soul, you didn’t bear the labor and sorrow, but then she appeared, and you turned away into a murmur. What a rude and unenlightened people! You should be praised for this good deed, but they reproach you, and you were clearly looking for praise and reward for your good deed when you did not suffer reproach. Maybe you don’t see this in yourself, but look into the abyss of your heart, you will find a vain serpent nesting there, as if, under the guise of virtue, it brings secret pleasure and praises you that you have done good, for you see love and compassion in yourself, you see virtue, but there is no humility, which our Lord Himself teaches: “Even if you do all that is commanded, say, as we are unworthy servants: for whatever we ought to do, we have done” (Luke 17:10). And when I am an unbreakable slave, shouldn’t I endure everything and be sure that reproaches and annoyance could not be other than God’s watch for my correction, like an unbreakable slave; but we have only our righteousness, and I grow higher and higher, but it does not give me peace; Now consider yourself and the actions of God’s Providence over you to heal you.”

Schema-abbot Ioann (Alekseev):

“This...monastery was near the Nile River... Here's another thing: in the same country and at the same times, two brothers lived in the same monastery, one was 12 years old, the other was 15 years old. The abbot sent them to bring food to the hermit. They carried it and on the way back they met a poisonous snake. The younger brother took the snake, wrapped it in a robe, and brought it to the monastery, of course, not without vanity. The monks surrounded the youths, were surprised and praised them for their holiness. The abbot was spiritually alive and sensible; He punished the youths with rods and said: “You have attributed God’s miracle to yourself; a weak conscience is better than virtue with vanity.” For he knew that miracles harm the saints.

Yes, we should not trust ourselves until we lie in the grave, and to persevere in virtue depends not on us, but on the grace of God. And the Lord protects for humility; The extent to which a person humbles himself, the extent to which he succeeds in spiritual life. Our work must be based on autocracy, and success depends on grace; So we must pray and ask the Lord for help. In spiritual life, the main feat is prayer.”

Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets:

Geronda, how to drive away vanity thoughts?

Rejoice in things that are opposite to those that worldly people strive for. Only by having aspirations opposite to the worldly can one act in the realm of the spirit. If you want to be loved, be happy when they don’t pay attention to you. If you want a place of honor, sit on the bench. If you seek praise, love humiliation in order to feel the love of the humble Jesus. If you seek glory, strive for dishonor in order to experience the glory of God. And when you feel the glory of God, then you will feel happy and you will have within yourself a joy greater than the joys of the whole world.

Geronda, my thought tells me that if I change my obedience, leave the choir and stop painting icons, then I will stop constantly being proud and falling into temptation.

Even if you stop singing and painting icons, if you don’t hate vanity, you will make even more mistakes. And in your departure there will also be pride, even more pride, because in fact you want to give up your obediences so that your egoism is not infringed

Geronda, isn’t it better to do nothing at all than to do something and be proud at the same time?

If you are told to do something, then go and do it, but be careful not to stumble or fall. And if you stumble and fall, get up. Realize that you stumbled through inattention, and if you are told to do it again, do it, but be careful not to stumble again. If you fell once, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to do it next time! Now, if they tell you: “Don’t go, because you fell last time,” then don’t go. Understood? When you are told to do something, do it, but do it correctly and with humility. Doing nothing so as not to become proud is even worse. It’s like watching the battle from the outside, not fighting so as not to get injured. We need to fight, but we need to fight correctly.”

Priest Pavel Gumerov:

“How can we fight this cunning serpent, which gradually creeps into the soul and steals our works, reducing them to nothing?

As has already been said many times, by contrasting it with the opposite virtue - humility. For example, it is known that pride and resentment are a product of vanity. A person who cannot tolerate criticism, is easily wounded, instantly takes offense and seems to say to himself: “How dare they? After all, I’m not like that, I’m good! How can they say that?” And although it will be unpleasant for us to hear this, most likely our offenders and critics are right. Well, maybe not 100%. After all, it’s clearer from the outside. We always imagine ourselves better than we really are, we forgive ourselves a lot that we would not tolerate in others. So there is something to think about. A touchy critic is despondent, but for an intelligent person it is a stimulus for growth. Criticism generally invigorates and does not allow you to rest on your laurels, it forces you to correct. We must not only not be offended, but bow at the feet of the offenders as our educators, who at the right time “punch us in the nose” and clip the wings of our vanity.

Resentment, like anger, must be extinguished when it is still a small ember, a spark, before the flame of resentment flares up. If you don't add logs to the fire, it will go out. If you don’t “salt” the grievance, don’t cherish it, but try to forget it as soon as possible (or simply change your attitude towards criticism, that is, take it into account), the grievance will quickly pass.

Spiritual people, ascetics, not only are not afraid of reproach, but also joyfully accept it, as if they were asking for it, thereby hiding their exploits.

From Saint Theophan we also find advice on how to overcome vanity through humility. He writes to one woman: “It’s good not to sit down in church. And when vanity comes, sit down on purpose so that you can tell your thoughts when you start to feel vanity: after all, you sat down yourself. One father, when the thought of vanity came that he was fasting a lot, went out early to where there were a lot of people, sat down and began to eat bread.”

So, let's remember that vanity begins with little things: someone boasted of a good deed, somewhere they joyfully accepted praise and flattery. And there it is not far before passion settles in our soul. To prevent this from happening, let us monitor vanity at the very beginning, treat ourselves critically and often say: “Not to us, Lord, not to us, but to Your name.”

– Father Sergius, what is pride? They constantly talk about her, they call her the beginning of all vices. “Frank Tales of a Wanderer” even says that in confession one must always repent of pride, because it is present in every person, and in principle it cannot be defeated. What is this anyway?

– Pride is called a demonic stronghold and a fundamental passion. She is the basis of all sins. The disembodied spirit, gifted by the Creator with the greatest virtues, sinned with pride when it considered itself equal to God and did not want to humble itself before Him. Was an angel, but became a demon.

And how many children were born immediately out of pride! If we read from the book of Genesis the scene of the temptation of Eve by the devil-serpent at the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, then we will meet there many products of pride. This is the demon’s envy of the fate of people, deceit, slander against God (is it true that God forbade you to eat from every tree?), lies and deceit.

The seeds of temptation arise in Eve’s soul through sins of distrust of God, His good care for man (he hid something, did not give something); vanity (you will be like gods), curiosity, self-will, disobedience and violation of God’s commandments. Yes, and gluttony; The woman saw the fruit with new eyes as very pleasant to eat.

Upon careful examination, every sin traces its origins to pride. Since it is based on the preference of one’s own to God’s. Your vision and understanding, your will, your desires, the law of God, church commandments and the voice of conscience. Saint Theophan the Recluse calls pride at a price in itself. She says that she is characterized by all kinds of selfhood.

Pride is self-exaltation, an exaggerated idea of ​​one’s importance. This is the opposite state of humility, a lack of humility or absence of it. Who is called proud? An arrogant, arrogant, conceited person, exalting himself in front of others, self-righteous.

Although, it is normal to understand one’s importance, because man is created in the image and likeness of God and is a unique creature on earth. As the Prophet says: “Lord... what is man? You did not make him a little lower than the Angels; crowned him with glory and honor; You have made him ruler over the works of Your hands; He put everything under his feet...” (Ps. 8:1–7).

Before the Fall, man, being in a sober mind, not darkened by sin, understood and accepted his limitations and dependence on God. And it was a correct, sober understanding. And when sin distorted the human personality, man’s concept of himself was also distorted.

It would seem that a sinful person should consider himself defective and more dependent than before. And as a result of insanity, he began to consider himself more significant and independent. Isn’t Adam’s act insane when, after the Fall, he hides from the All-Seeing God among the leaves? He should have known from experience that it is impossible to hide from God anywhere. And yet he hides like a child with an imperfect mind. And then he boldly accuses God himself of his wrongdoing.

How does he answer the question whether he ate fruit from the sacred tree? Realizing that the Lord knows everything, he does not simply say “yes” or “ate.” He begins his answer with the words: “The wife whom You gave me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.” That is, not “I’m to blame,” but, “firstly, you’re to blame for giving me this wife, secondly, the wife is to blame for being seduced by the fruit and offering it to me, and only then - a little bit to blame and I". Rev. John the Climacus pride assigns an epithet crazy.

Some scientists determine the origin of the word “proud” from the Latin “gurdus” - stupid, stupid. Pride is truly akin to madness and stupidity. We understand that a proud person’s concept of himself is far from true. Outwardly, it sometimes even looks funny. In one of Fazil Iskander’s stories there is a description of a certain fisherman, in particular, a small line: “He had such a proud face that only very stupid people have.”

When they say that it is impossible to completely free yourself from pride, they mean that it is impossible to completely overcome your sinfulness. Only the Lord is sinless, and man remains sinful until his last breath. Great saints found something to repent of even on their deathbeds, and left this world in trepidation. And if the roots of all sin are in pride, then it means that it is present in us with its children and grandchildren.

It is known about the great ascetic, the Monk Mark of France, who with a word made the mountain move from its place and go into the sea, that before his death he calmed the soul trembling in anticipation of the ordeal. The saint, remembering his exploits, told her: “Soul, we have worked hard here.” For these words, the soul of the saint was detained during the ascent for an entire hour.

We can say about someone that this person is not proud, but this does not mean that there is no pride in him, but only that it is invisible in him. Or that he is fighting with her. By the way, pride is not often noticeable on the outside. “It is not external, it is in the mood,” the Monk Theophan the Recluse wrote about pride. This is an internal state, and it can be characterized by the most varied, and even opposite, manifestations.

A person can be outwardly kind but inwardly proud. There is this form of complaint or reproach: “I did so much good to them, both this and that.” Next is a whole list of good deeds and participation and a bitter continuation: “But they don’t appreciate it.” How you want the assessment of your neighbors to coincide with your personal assessment of your kindness!

Or it happens that a person seems to repent, castigating himself in confession. But as soon as the confessor admits even the slightest particle of his sinfulness, points out the reason or gives advice, the mood of self-flagellation disappears in the penitent, and he moves on to harsh self-justification and teaching from the confessor that does not tolerate criticism. It seems like - “You were born entirely in sins, and are you teaching us?”

The fight against pride is a process and a lifelong endeavor. And of course, this process must have a forward movement. If you do not fight with pride, do not track it and do not control it, then it takes possession of a person, and he no longer needs God.

– How can you learn to notice your pride? If I bought expensive shoes and a cooler laptop than maybe I need, and I’m happy about it, is that pride? Or, let’s say, I posted photos from my vacation on Facebook. Well, can’t you be happy and tell your friends? I count how many people have liked me - is this pride?

– Saint Gregory Dvoeslov believed that pride has twelve daughters. The first he calls vanity. That is, the desire for vain (useless) fame, the search for praise, the desire to rise in the eyes of other people, as well as in one’s own.

Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov defines vanity as “the search for glory, boasting, the desire for earthly honors, the love of beautiful clothes... attention to the beauty of one’s face, the pleasantness of one’s voice, the quality of the body, a disposition towards the arts and sciences that are perishing and the search for success in them for glory, shame to confess one’s sins, deceit and self-justification.”

According to Ignatius Brianchaninov, if you like to dress beautifully, it means you are vain. This is a subtle thing, difficult, because everyone around is talking about fashion, about the ability to dress beautifully. It’s difficult to resist here and you need to use some techniques.

The British, who have defined style to a fine degree, believe that you should dress in such a way that you are not noticeable among other people. That is, you can remember about fashion, but not run ahead of it and not lag too far behind. Do not buy things that do not correspond to your income. An item that is too expensive (not commensurate with one’s income) exposes the vanity and vanity of its owner.

But you can be vain with cheap and old things. Dolly Oblonskaya (from Tolstoy's novel Anna Karenina) was proud of the patches and mended places on her home blouse, because they testified to her ability to manage the house economically.

When Socrates noticed that his student kept turning towards the audience so that the holes in his clothes were visible, he told him: “Stop being vain!” And some people are proud of their indifference to clothes. “I (implying that, unlike others) don’t really care what I wear.”

As for the Internet, today it provides a huge worldwide platform for vanity and boasting. To those, of course, who need it. “The opinion of other people about us is the mirror in front of which almost everyone without exception poses,” said one spiritual author of the last century. Today this mirror has no boundaries. A person, sometimes unnoticed by himself, presents on the Internet not himself, but his invented image. A little prettier, a little smarter, a little wittier or more decent.

His true, unique and unique personality in the world is sacrificed and distorted to vanity. How are they all the same and predictable in this network? Please note that when traveling or attending entertainment events, many today look at what is happening not with their own eyes, but with the camera of a mobile phone or tablet. Their concern is not to see, but to film.

People deprive themselves of true impressions. For what? To launch your “I was there too” on the Internet.

– Is it possible to praise others?

- This is a dangerous matter, it is possible, but in exceptional cases. For example, when a person is depressed, as a medicine. And then you need to know the dose of such a medicine; experienced confessors watch this very carefully. Therefore, words of praise are usually heard only on name days or when a person is congratulated on some kind of award. And the very object of these praises, if he is a believer, usually experiences great awkwardness and inconvenience, because he feels that the praises hurt the soul.

The Holy Fathers recommend, when you are praised, to remain silent and remember your sins, to attribute all good things to God, remembering the words “without Me you cannot do anything.” And if, when receiving praise, a person says: “no, I’m really not like that, I’m bad,” this means that the praise is accepted, the person is pleased that he is being honored in this way.

Bosch, “Pride”

– What is the difference between pride and self-esteem? Synonyms for the word pride in the dictionary include words such as honor and dignity, why?

– These words became synonymous not so long ago. In Dahl's dictionary, pride is an unconditionally negative quality. After all, what is dignity in a person? The dignity of man is that he is convicted in the image and likeness of God. Based on this, he must live accordingly, so as to maintain this dignity, and not become like dumb animals with his life.

Dignity implies responsibility and duty. This is, first of all, constant work of bringing oneself into at least some conformity with God’s plan. Such work requires vision and awareness of one’s sins, repentance and correction of life. The Apostle says: “He is not worthy who praises himself, but whom the Lord praises.” Our dignity is determined not by us, but by the Lord. Anyone who understands his dignity in this way is closer to humility than to pride.

As for honor, then honor is from the Lord. The psalm says: “He crowned him with glory and honor.” The Lord honored man before all earthly creatures and placed him above all of His creation.

Before the Fall, the entire earthly world was under the control of man. The animals obeyed his voice. The elements were obedient to his word. This is the crown of glory and honor that the Creator crowned man with. Sin deprived him of his former glory and honor. The animals began to fear him, and some began to pursue him. The once obedient waters, mountains and earth became enemies. But not completely and not forever.

We know that in holiness the honor lost by sin was sometimes returned. The saints who dedicated their lives to acquiring the grace of the Holy Spirit were restored to the dignity lost by humanity.

The Venerable Mary of Egypt walked on the waters, rose into the air during prayer, and the Venerable Mark of France moved the mountain with a word. St. Sergius of Radonezh was visited by a wild bear; in the Sarov Forest the bear lived next to St. Seraphim. The Lion of Jordan, one might say, became friends with the Monk Gerasim. Honor is not a reason to be proud, but a reason to work to restore it.

- If you look at the saints - Princess Olga, Alexander Nevsky - they were not mattresses who put up with everything, they were self-respecting and tough people. Weren't they proud?

– Firmness in decision-making is necessary for a statesman. This is a lot of work and mental stress when you want to be merciful, but you need to show firmness.

We know that Prince Vladimir was a rather cruel person before his baptism. And when he was baptized and baptized Rus', he changed so much that he could not even punish criminals. He believed that he had no right to do this. The clergy had to encourage him to be firm on this issue, to say that laws were needed so that others would not do the same.

The toughness of statesmen was manifested not for the sake of their personal interests and ambitions, but for the common good. Integrity and firmness for a leader are a necessity and his cross, since it is difficult to infringe on someone’s interests, to choose for the sake of benefit and the common good. Apparently, this is why bosses often suffer from cardiovascular diseases.

– How to fight pride? What to do with it? Fast-pray-and...?

– How to deal with pride? First of all, pray to God and ask for help. Help is to learn to see pride in yourself, that is, in fact, to see your sins. And not to judge anyone. “Grant me to bear in mind my sins and not condemn my brother.” These are the words from the prayer of Ephraim the Syrian “Lord and Master of my life...” The one who does not see his sins condemns. You can recall the Gospel parable of the branch and the log.

It would be good to make a rule for yourself - not to judge anyone. Even the most obvious villains. This does not mean agreeing with sin or justifying it. You can't condemn a person. When we condemn someone, we seem to be saying that we ourselves are incapable of doing this. That is, we are proud of our cleanliness, at least in this case.

But such self-confidence is usually punished by the fact that a person falls into the same sin for which he condemned another. Maybe not on the same scale, in different circumstances.

I remember an old incident. An elderly woman said about herself that she lived a life without abortion. She seemed to set herself up as an example to those who committed this sin: “I immediately said that I would not agree to this.” She was a church person, well-read, and knew that for condemnation the Lord could allow her to fall into the same sin. So that a person knows his weakness from his own experience.

But she was old, and in this regard she felt safe. But it happened that her daughter became pregnant. So, in everyday life, it was not timely that the news was perceived as a tragedy. Many family plans collapsed at once. What an internal struggle the poor mother was going through! The right decision was made immediately, but the specter of opportunity lingered for a long time. But she had experience: not to condemn anyone for any sin.

Pride has many manifestations and permeates our entire lives. They need to be known and tracked. Although it is pride that prevents us from seeing our sins. One area of ​​pride is selfishness or self-directedness. Here are some of its forms:

Self-love. A person cannot tolerate reproaches and remarks. As one of the Optina elders said: “As soon as you touch pride, it screams - they are tearing your skin off!”

Self-love is characteristic touchiness. Resentment appears where self-esteem is excessively high. Touchiness is an insidious thing. Sometimes it seems to us that we have the right to be offended. Since we were treated unfairly, our grievance is legitimate. There are families in which the analysis of mutual grievances lasts for decades. “I won’t allow them to wipe their feet on me!”, “Am I a doormat to forgive everything?”, “I know she does everything to spite me, so why should I remain silent?” Lives are spent defending their imagined dignity.

If you feel that you are offended, then the best medicine is to remember your sins. The resentment will pass. And yet, maybe the offense is legitimate? Once, in a conflict situation where I was clearly treated unfairly, I needed advice and I turned to an experienced person.

“Pretend that you are offended,” he said. He didn’t sympathize: they say, yes, such an act is worth the offense. And he only suggested pretending to be offended. In order for the offender to awaken his conscience. But when we are really offended, then our offense, first of all, oppresses and destroys ourselves, and only irritates the offender, to a greater or lesser extent.

Inflated self-esteem is something that is now cultivated in society and came to us from the West, a concept that is directly opposite to the Christian spirit of humility. A person is taught that his shortcomings are due to low self-esteem, as if his personality is not formed correctly because of this.

But what personality? The one whose interests are limited to this world. The one who wants to succeed only in this earthly life. Christianity teaches that personality needs to be formed for the future life. For the Kingdom of Heaven. Such a personality is formed by the grace of God, which is given for humility. “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble”- says the Apostle.

Also characteristic of pride suspiciousness. It seems to a person that almost all the people around him think about him, discuss him, and draw some conclusions from his words and actions. They are plotting something against him.

He is used to focusing on himself, taking a long time to understand and experience his words and actions. But not in front of my conscience, but as if in the eyes of other people. “I shouldn’t have said that,” “It would be better if I…”, “Now they will think about me...” Therefore, it seems to him that other people are focused on him. This is an extremely painful condition bordering on illness.

It is difficult for a self-loving person to ask for forgiveness. In general, it is difficult to ask for anything. If this is in your character, you need to overcome yourself. Be the first to ask for forgiveness. Do not overprotect your independence and ask loved ones for favors when necessary. Life position - “I have never asked anyone and will never ask” - out of pride.

A proud person has difficulty meeting people and making friends with them. “How will I approach him? What will he tell me? But we all need living examples in our spiritual life. This is why parish brotherhood is so important, and priests devote a lot of energy to this. But it is not easy to “graft” a proud person into parish society.

Self-love accompanies conceit. Conceit is evident from the habit of interrupting someone else's speech. “Listen, I’ll tell you,” “I’ll explain everything to you now,” “you don’t understand.” In a dispute, such a person hears only himself or what coincides with his opinion. If he encounters disagreement, he gets angry and can become insolent.

Arrogance. The Lord says: Without Me you cannot do anything. And an arrogant person thinks that his knowledge and experience are the key to the inevitable success of his planned business. Most of the bad credit stories we hear about are the result of overconfidence. Many unhappy marriages, concluded out of passion or too hastily, are also the result of arrogance. We read from the Prophet: “Cast your worries on the Lord, and He will support you” (Ps. 54:23). And somehow we more often rely on our strength, health, money, connections.

Complacency. This is a state of mind that is noticeable even from the outside. A self-satisfied person, as a rule, looks funny, to a greater or lesser extent. A smug person always considers himself right, but this simply cannot be. Typical expressions: “I warned you,” “I always said so,” “I always thought so,” “they didn’t listen to me…”.

Self-will. The state is completely unacceptable in society, in work, when activity is subordinated to a certain plan, and everyone must do their job. Self-will manifests itself where there is no responsibility to the elder, to the boss. In the army, in the civil service, in the Church, in the family - self-will is destructive to the system.

A proud person finds it difficult to obey others. But a humble person understands the need to submit to people and circumstances and tolerates his dependence more easily.

ABOUT vanity has already been said, but can be added. Associated with it self-praise and boasting. Everyone knows that it is indecent to brag. And how sometimes you want to show off! So you don’t have to lift your feet: “I have new shoes!” You can tell me that the other day I had to go shopping (or run errands) for five hours, so my legs were completely worn out. And at the same time, point with your eyes at these very feet, shod in new clothes. You can, while discussing sales in stores, sigh and remember how difficult it is for you to pick up a ready-made item. “You always have to stitch it in at the waist.”

Sometimes it seems that by communicating about our successes and well-being, we invite people to rejoice with us. Maybe so. But this is only appropriate with very close people. Still, it’s better to talk less about yourself.

And generally talk less. Verbosity also related to pride and vanity. Verbosity reveals confidence in personal superiority. Confidence in the right to other people's time and attention.

Verbosity is a primitive process of self-discovery. How easy it is to present yourself as smart, well-read, knowledgeable. Let yourself be admired! “You, of course, read from so-and-so,” “as, remember, it was said by...”. And on occasion, be surprised - “Didn’t you read it? How are you?” Exalt yourself a little, quietly humiliating your interlocutor: “Yes, everyone has known this for a long time!” or “They told me about this ten years ago.”

If vanity is accustomed to verbosity, then humility is silent. A friend of mine once brought three young people from the Trinity-Sergius Lavra to Moscow - two girls and a young man. The girls and my friend struck up a conversation. We were talking about something spiritual. It was interesting, the experience of another person was interesting. Only towards the end of the journey did they notice that the young man had not said a word. “And why are you silent?” - they asked him. He replied: “A Christian should behave in such a way that he cannot be heard at all unless asked.” This is humility.

Sometimes vanity manifests itself as affectation, coquetry and hypocrisy. That is, as a lack of simplicity in behavior.

And vanity is stealthy. It steals the reward for good deeds. The Savior says that good deeds should not be done for show. Those who give alms in front of people, already receive their reward. According to the Savior’s word, good deeds must be hidden even from oneself. Do not contemplate them internally, do not remember, do not enjoy the thought of what you have done. “Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.” And then “Your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you openly.”

Another child of pride - curiosity. A person spreads his attention everywhere. It seems that he needs to know about one thing, and another, and a third. But not in search of truth, but as a habitual activity for the brain. The apostle speaks of such as always students and never able to reach the knowledge of the truth.

Pride. Detail of the ornament of the cathedral in Metz

Self-justification. When it is too painful to see our sin as it is, we want to add “because.” That is, place part of your blame, or even all the blame, on circumstances.

In fact, self-justification is self-deception. Cunning before oneself, according to Theophan the Recluse, is the most evil of all cunnings. The mental pain and shame of seeing your sins can be used to incite hatred of sin itself. And thus make it easier for yourself to fight him.

Manifestations of pride should be countered by humility. To do this, you need to love humility. Humility from the word peace. And pride implies constant resistance, enmity and discontent. And not only by people, but also by circumstances. Pride is annoyed by both the weather and inanimate objects. For example, to a broken vacuum cleaner: “For you...”

But where does this humility come from? The Holy Fathers say that self-love (pride) is cured by external reproach. One man repented of pride and asked his confessor: “What should I do? How to get rid of pride? And the experienced confessor replied: “You pray that the Lord will send a person who will offend and humiliate you unfairly, this will be useful to you.” Modern history.

You can remember an even more ancient one, about one monk who was not loved and reviled in the monastery. He decided to go to another monastery. And there even more monks disliked him. He left again, but on the way he thought: “What if it gets even worse there, it’s not about external circumstances, but about me.” He took the charter and wrote: “I will endure everything for the sake of Christ.” He came to the monastery, and when it was hard for him, he looked into the charter, read the inscription and calmed down.

The brothers suspected that he was a sorcerer - they scolded him, but he looked somewhere and did not react. The abbot demanded an explanation, looked at the charter and said to others: “Learn from him, this brother has acquired humility. By enduring undeserved insults, he gained peace.”

You still need to learn to give in. Submit your will to the will of another person. You can notice that quarrels, disputes and disagreements are mostly in vain. Peace is immeasurably more important. It’s not scary even if at first humility and compliance are insincere, but purely external. From the mind.

As in the old seminary joke: Two seminarians quarreled about something, and it came to hand-to-hand combat. Boys. The inspector had to intervene. “You are Christians! We must be able to humble ourselves in front of each other.” “Okay,” one said, breathing heavily. - I will accept it. But he won’t live!” Over time, “self-forced” compliance will become habitual, and its useful and pleasant properties will be revealed. Especially that God gives grace to the humble.

Humility before objectivity is humility before the Lord. Because everything that happens to us does not happen without His participation and is directed for our benefit. There lived one monk with his cell attendant, both of whom were strict fasters. One day the elder fell ill, and the cell attendant decided to cook him porridge with honey, but he mixed up the pots and poured spoiled butter into the porridge instead of honey.

The old man ate it. "Tasty?" - asks the cell attendant. “Yes, delicious.” He gave him some extra food and ate some extra food. "Tasty?" "Tasty". He did it for the third time. Here the elder prayed: “I’m sorry, I can’t do it anymore.” The cell attendant decided to finish the porridge, tried it and cried out: “You killed me. Why didn’t you tell me that I put in rancid oil!”

And the elder replies: “My friend, do not be upset, if the Lord was displeased, you would not have done this. It was for my benefit." In the same way, we need to believe that the Lord allows various circumstances that come from outside for our benefit.

– Does this mean that you don't need to express your opinion? What if they attack the faith, the Motherland?

– If we remain silent when someone blasphemes Christ or His Church, then we can be called traitors. The expression “God is given over to silence” is appropriate here. Metropolitan Philaret Drozdov said: “forgive your enemies, abhor the enemies of Christ and defeat the enemies of the Fatherland.” Sometimes there is a need to testify to our position, our attitude to what is happening, regardless of whether we are asked or not. Both regarding faith and regarding the state.

But our attitude to faith (as well as civic position) is expressed not only by words. John Shakhovskoy wrote: “Unbelievers cannot refute faith, but believers can, if they do not live by their faith.” This is our responsibility. If we live by faith, then there are fewer attacks on it, and it is easier to defend and defend it.

In general, in conflict situations you need to talk kindly with all kinds of people. After all, those who attack faith and the Church do not always do so consciously. The majority are due to stupid conceit, illiteracy, evil instigation, and delusion. If you talk to such a person, perhaps more than once, his opinion about the subject will change.

N.V. Gogol called the word God's greatest gift to man. They must be used for the glory of God. But, I repeat, only in a friendly manner and with love for your interlocutor.

– What is humility?

– The Beatitudes spoken by Christ during the Sermon on the Mount begin with this desired property of the soul. These commandments define the moral standards of a Christian’s life and lead to the correct formation of the soul and the ability to live in the Kingdom of Heaven.

The first commandment reads: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” The poor in spirit are those who realize that they do not have any spiritual gifts and are morally nothing of themselves, but they need these gifts and therefore ask God for them, that is, they pray.

This is what humility consists of. Awareness of one's imperfection and a desire for correction with God's help, realizing that without God man himself cannot do anything. As practice shows, a person wants to live according to the Gospel, but after a while he becomes convinced of his weakness; this does not mean that there is no need to try further, because the matter of humility is an active life process.

– In the Gospel we read: “Whoever exalts himself will be humiliated, and whoever humiliates himself will be exalted,” what does this mean, how can you exalt yourself through humiliation?

- Man will be exalted by God. Here we mean the words: “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” He who humbles himself and humiliates himself will be given grace, and already here on earth the Lord gives man the guarantee of future eternal joy: “The Kingdom of God will not come in a noticeable way, and they will not say: behold, it is here, or, behold, there. For behold, the kingdom of God is within you.”

Humble, modest people are already tasting heavenly joy here. Like, for example, Seraphim of Sarov, who felt Easter all the time and greeted everyone with the words: “Christ is risen, my joy!”

– And if I have two higher educations, a good upbringing, and manners, why should I think that I am no better than this particular janitor working in our yard, for example? Is this right?

– In terms of education, yes, it’s better. But that’s all, and even then it’s not a fact. Once, a woman and I walked past a homeless man sitting on the steps, she gave him alms and told me: “You know, this is an unusually educated man, he used to be a ship designer, he speaks like a very intelligent person, it’s interesting to communicate with him.”

Here you go, and in terms of spiritual qualities a person can be much better and nobler than us. Some people, as a result of the lawlessness of our lives, simply found themselves in such a situation that they became homeless, as the proverb says: “do not renounce prison or money,” anyone can find themselves in his place. We cannot humiliate such people; a person who endures the difficult life of a homeless person can shape his soul. The Savior speaks about this: “through your patience gain your souls.”

In the book of memoirs of Metropolitan Veniamin Fedchenkov, there is an episode when he and his mother went to the peasant cemetery where their ancestors were buried, and his mother told him: “How many saints are there!” He was surprised: “Why?” “Because they endured so much,” she replied.

And I remember how one summer we came out of the church after a service with Father Gennady Ogryzkov, and a man, a homeless man, came up to us and asked for bread, but he was without shoes. I say: “Where are your shoes?” He replies: “Yes, someone took it while I was sleeping.” I was indignant: “Who took it off! Who could do such a thing! And he says: “Oh, he’s probably a tramp like me.” Without any condemnation, with sympathy that someone else needed the boots more.

How can one despise such a person? I immediately felt that I could not say so nobly. We must remember that human judgment is one thing, and God’s judgment is another. We have no reason to consider ourselves better; in terms of education, perhaps, yes, and that is unknown, and in spiritual terms, even more so.

– Nowadays you can often hear that you need to love yourself, that self-love is the best motivation for self-improvement. How to correlate this with the advice of the saints to hate and deny oneself or with what is said in the Gospel: “He who loves his soul will destroy it; But he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life” (John 12:25)? After all, at the same time Christ says: “love your neighbor as yourself.” How to combine this - you need to love yourself and reject yourself, fight with pride?

– Modern people understand the phrase “loving yourself” as preferring yourself to other people, that is, it is considered natural that a person loves himself more than others. In a Christian way, “loving yourself” does not mean that you need to love life with its pleasures and strive for material wealth, setting this as the goal of your life.

The Gospel teaches us that we should not exalt ourselves over other people, but should consider our neighbor above ourselves and serve him. The Lord Himself sets us an example of such service from His very incarnation until His death.

Man is a sinful being; due to his sinfulness, he himself cannot solve the problem of salvation, and therefore the Gospel says that he must deny himself, that is, reject his idea of ​​​​the correctness of life, its meaning, and take on board what the Lord teaches.

To deny oneself means to bear one’s cross, not to run from difficulties, to listen to what the Savior, the Gospel, the church teaches us, to follow Christ and fulfill His commandments. Then a person becomes a follower of Christ and an heir to eternal life. And this is true, normal self-love, because such a person really preserves his soul, acquires it for eternal life.

– That is, there is no contradiction here. Are both quotes saying the same thing?

- There is no contradiction. A Christian must love himself and his soul, because: “What good is it to a man if he gains the whole world, but loses his own soul?” The Lord cares about the soul, about its good, but only about the eternal and infinite good. As the Apostle Paul says: “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man, the things that God has prepared for those who love Him” - he saw something that cannot be expressed.

The Gospel teaches us to love ourselves through love for our neighbor and through a correct understanding of what is good for each of us.

– What is egoism?

– Selfishness is the same as pride. A person puts himself at the center of life. Prefers himself in all circumstances to other people. He wants to be listened to and obeyed only to him, demands respect when doing something, thinks only about his own benefit.

– How should you treat such people? It happens that in a work team someone suddenly begins to “go over their heads”, promote themselves at the cost of the good of others, what should we do, just give way?

– It is good, of course, to endure, having a higher goal, remembering the words “he who endures to the end will be saved.” But everyone has their own measure, maybe a person will not be able to tolerate a selfish person next to him at this stage of formation.

And it may be important so that the person does not forget, to reprimand him, to explain the inadmissibility of his actions. Indicate and shorten it so that the person does not further harm others. In any case, this must be done with love, because without love no one will listen.

Even the most correct and intelligent things will not be accepted by even the most intelligent person without goodwill.

– The desire to succeed in this life, the desire for recognition - how dangerous is this for a person, why? What exactly is wrong with me getting recognition? What about my job? What if my children get recognition?

– A person simply must realize his abilities. Let us remember the parable of the talents. But you need to be very careful. Talents can be realized in different ways. You can paint icons or paintings, realizing and developing your calling and talent for the glory of God. But you can seek glory only for yourself. And this is no longer true. According to the word of the Apostle, everything must be done for the glory of God.

Praise and recognition rarely go without our heartfelt attention. Unbeknownst to himself, a person begins to become vain. “How many times have they told the world that flattery is vile and harmful, but everything is not for the future, and a flatterer will always find a corner in the heart.” And vanity can ruin not only a crow, but also talent.

When you are praised, you need to remember your sins to yourself. Then praise will not have a ruinous effect. And we must remember that everything is from the Lord. “Every gift that is perfect is from above.” Without God, of course, we cannot do anything. And even though we cannot completely defeat vanity, we will try to keep it under control and fight it. Victory is already in the process.

– What is women's pride?

– It would be more correct to say “woman’s honor.” Honor is the totality of the highest moral and ethical principles of an individual. That is: honesty, decency, integrity, nobility, generosity and so on. Honor can be female, officer, noble, but it reflects one thing - the moral state of a person, which can be assessed by people who are also moral.

For a girl it is modesty, innocence; for a woman, a wife - fidelity. This is not exaltation over others, but a dignity that the Lord has determined and works to preserve it.

– One of the consequences of pride is charm, what is this condition?

– The state of charm – when a person flatters himself, it is also associated with pride. In the Christian understanding, delusion is self-deception. When a person believes that he has some kind of spiritual gifts and is proud of it.

The state of spiritual delusion often manifests itself in vanity: a person loves fame, exalts himself over others, loves to teach, cannot stand criticism and teachings. This phenomenon is dangerous because people, even those who reached spiritual heights, fell and became darkened, being overwhelmed by delusion. They overlooked the attacks of vanity, turned out to be careless, and forgot that they must fight with pride without weakening.

The Monk Ambrose of Optina, having heard about one miracle worker, decided to visit him. Having come to him, he asked how he received revelations, he replied that an angel from heaven spoke to him. Then Ambrose warned him to be careful with these visions, because it is known that a demon can take the form of an angel of light.

And he got irritated: “I thought you came to listen to me, to learn, but you reproach me!” And Ambrose said to him: “Friend, you have proven in no way better that you are in a state of delusion than with these words. I didn’t tell you anything special, and you’re already so irritated.”

He left him and told those around him to keep an eye on him, no matter what happened. Before reaching the Optina Hermitage, the Monk Ambrose learned that he had hanged himself. This is what prelest does; it was clearly a demonic action.

– Are there practical ways to overcome pride: studying, for example?

– You can learn from a humble person, from a confessor or a friend, simply by observing him and imitating him. The best upbringing and education is the example of your neighbor. You also need to read the holy fathers, Fatherland, they indicate practical techniques that saints use to learn humility.

For example, monks came to one old man to hear a teaching from him, and Arab boys were running around him and swearing. They were surprised: “Why don’t you reprimand them?” And he answers: “I thought, if I can’t endure this small temptation, then how can I endure a much greater temptation” - such training.

We often react to something out of a false sense of justice, but as a rule we are simply driven by dislike. And here a person takes care of himself. And there are a lot of such examples, you just need to read and learn.

– Can I disagree with the opinion of my superiors or, for example, my confessor?

– It happens, of course, that the confessor is mistaken, and the boss is wrong, but you need to know your limits and remember that obedience is a manifestation of humility in life. So is patience. These are the qualities by which the soul is formed, and these are not passive states, but active ones, as a result of which the same courage is cultivated in a person as that of a warrior. We understand that a warrior is a seasoned, experienced person, he can do more than another person, so we also need to temper our soul.

If we have already chosen a confessor, it is important to listen to him, because it is understood that, unlike the authorities, the confessor has some kind of spirituality. In general, if something is wrong, you need to be able to talk to people, respectfully and reasonably.

– Do you personally know people who can be called ignorant? Tell us about them?

– Yes, I can say that I know such people. Everyone has pride, to some extent, but there are people for whom it does not outwardly manifest itself. Usually they say little, only to the point, they are simple and easy to work with, friendly, ready to give in and do it your way.

I had a friend, deceased father Alexy Grachev. For many years there was not a single quarrel or even the slightest displeasure between us. And all just because he always gave in. "Fine. As you say." And he was like that not only with me, but with everyone. Although he himself was very proactive and temperamental. But he always humbled himself before the desire of another person.

There are people who are not proud by nature or by upbringing. One might say, by inheritance - after all, there are both family sins and family virtues. But what is valuable is what is the result of spiritual work. Father Alexy had a good upbringing, but his work was also visible. When someone, or even some phenomenon, was condemned in front of him, he fell silent, as if he had detached himself from what was happening. No reaction, as if he wasn’t there.

In the Church we often see how a person changes for the better. I remember Valentin S., he is no longer around either. By natural character he was extremely unhumble. In everything in life, I was guided only by my own opinion. Inevitably, he had conflicts. In the family, with friends and... with the law.

He came to the Church already having criminal experience and the ability to live according to his own laws. But somehow he quickly accepted church life. He uncompromisingly submitted himself to the church charter. I began to regularly confess and receive communion. He came to the parish to talk, he always had a lot of questions. He changed noticeably and changed his life. He built his career within the framework of the law. He read a lot, and he became acquainted with spiritual authorities.

Of course, not everyone would call Valentin a model of humility. But those who knew him before his churching were surprised at the colossal change. Efforts, work on oneself, the path traveled are important.

There are many examples. If you are careful, they are present in any parish. Praising a person is not useful, even behind his back, but sometimes you think to yourself: “What he has become, how he has changed!” Or - it became, changed. You rejoice that these people are our contemporaries, we can see them, we can communicate with them, we can learn from them to overcome ourselves on the path of following Christ. We can be inspired by their example.

Venerable Neil of Sinai:

Be careful that, while seeking human glory, you do not lose the glory of God...

A vain person is an idolater, although he is called a believer. He thinks that he honors God, but in reality he does not please God, but people.

It is a great thing to reject human praise with your soul, but it is even more important to turn away from yourself the demonic praise that comes from your thoughts.

Venerable Macarius of Egypt:

Sometimes seemingly good undertakings are carried out for the sake of glory and human praise, and this before God is equal to untruth, theft and other sins.

Venerable Anthony the Great:

Do not imitate the Pharisee, who did everything for show.

Don't wear clothes that make you vanity.

Reverend Abba Isaiah:

It is impossible for one who loves human glory to achieve dispassion: envy and zeal live in him.

Rust eats up iron, and ambition is the heart of the man who indulges this passion.

Far from crying is he who indulges in worldly concerns because of vanity.

Possessed by the passion of vanity, he is alien to the world, hardens his heart against the saints and, to complete his evils, falls into arrogance, pride and the habit of lying.

Avoid vanity - and you will be worthy to be a partaker of the glory of God in the Future Age.

Saint Basil the Great:

Seeking glory from people is proof of unbelief and alienation from God.

Venerable Ephraim the Syrian:

Do not try to show yourself (before people) to be skillful in any matter, so as not to fall into vanity, which leads to voluptuousness, anger and sadness.

Saint John Chrysostom:

Why do you examine your virtues and flaunt them? Or don’t you know that by praising yourself, you will no longer be praised by God?

Nothing, truly nothing, makes people so capable of breaking the law and so reckless as the desire for national glory.

A person carried away by fame is incapable of thinking anything great and noble; he inevitably becomes shameful, low, dishonest, insignificant.

Where... is this crazy passion that brings nothing good born? From nowhere more than from a low and insignificant soul.

How to overcome vanity? Let us contrast glory with glory. Just as we despise earthly wealth when we look at heavenly wealth, and do not value this life when we think about a much better life, in the same way we can despise the glory of the present world when we think about a much higher glory, about true glory.

Let us in every possible way avoid vanity - this beast. It comes in various kinds and forms and pours out its poison on everything - on treasures, on pleasures, and on bodily beauty. Because of it, we everywhere exceed the boundaries of what is necessary, we neglect moderation - both in our homes, in our clothes, and in our table, while luxury reigns supreme. Do you want to enjoy fame? Give alms, then the Angels will praise you, then God will glorify you.

Why can’t you overcome vanity when others overcome it, having the same soul, the same body, the same appearance, living the same life? Think about God, think about the highest glory, contrast it with the present - and you will soon leave behind vanity. If you absolutely desire glory, then seek true glory. Is glory the kind that makes you seek honor from those below you and has a need for it? Honor consists in enjoying glory from those above. If you absolutely desire glory, then seek better glory from God. Having loved this one, you will neglect that one, you will see how dishonest she is, and until you recognize this one, you will not see how shameful she is, how ridiculous she is. And while this passion possesses us, we cannot see what this evil is.

All other passions cease with death, and vanity continues its effect on the deceased even after death, trying to show its power when the dying take care that magnificent monuments are erected for them, on which all their property must be spent, and they try to show extraordinary splendor in the coffin. ..

An addiction to fame is a kind of insanity, which is much stronger than demonic possession or insanity. The latter is excusable, but the former has no justification, because here the soul itself is damaged, and its judgments are incorrect and destructive.

Freedom from vanity most of all frees us from bodily shackles and lifts us from earth to Heaven.

A servant of glory cannot be a servant of God.

Venerable Neil of Sinai:

Often thoughts of fornication arise from vanity...

The preceding man-pleasing and vanity is, of course, followed by pride, arrogance and all sorts of shameful demonic passion.

If you begin to be vain and proud, the Lord will depart from you...

He who is caught up in vanity cannot be at peace either with himself or with his neighbor.

Venerable Isidore Pelusiot:

External glory enhances internal ignominy, and imaginary health, instilling in a person the idea that he is really healthy, does not allow treatment.

Vanity tempts a Christian not only from the carnal side, like other vices, but also from the spiritual side, tempting the mind with the subtlest serpent. So those who could not be deceived by carnal vices are more wounded by vanity about spiritual success. And it is as much more destructive as it is more secretive to guard against it. The attack of other passions is more obvious and open; and in each of them the tempter, overthrown by strict contradiction, having become weaker, moves away and then weaker tempts the winner. And this passion, when, tempting the soul from the carnal side... is expelled, then again, like many-faced evil, changing its former image and guise, under the guise of virtues it tries to pierce and kill the winner.

He who loves human glory is exposed to lies; in the heart of a person who reflects it with the shield of humility, the fear of God increases.

Venerable Mark the Ascetic:

He who loves human glory cannot be free from passions, but zeal and envy dwell in him.

Venerable Isaac the Syrian:

Avoid vanity and you will be famous.

Venerable John Climacus:

The difference between vanity and pride is the same as between a boy and a man... for vanity is the beginning, and pride is the end.

The most hidden of all spiritual passions is vanity. This passion, more than any other, camouflages itself before the human heart, giving it pleasure, which is often mistaken for consolation of conscience, for divine consolation.

You recognize a vain person by his special ability for flattery, for helpfulness, for lies, for everything mean and base.

Vanity makes the soul incapable of spiritual movements, which begin when the movements of spiritual passions become silent, being stopped by humility.

Vanity in relation to true glory is fornication.

The blood is heated and set in motion by vainglorious thoughts, and vanity, for its part, grows and multiplies seductive dreams and pompous opinions about oneself, which the apostles call the opinion of the carnal mind...

Vanity comes from deep ignorance of God or from deep oblivion of God, from oblivion of Eternity and heavenly glory, and therefore, in its darkness, it insatiably strives to acquire earthly, temporary glory.

The Holy Fathers, teachers of the Church, in the light of Christ, in the light of the Holy Spirit, who peered into the depths of the human heart... call vanity a diverse passion, the most subtle, not easily discernible.

Let us avoid vanity and pride as a renunciation of the Cross of Christ.

Saint Basil the Great:

He is vain who does or says anything for the sake of worldly glory alone.

Doing not out of love for God, but for the sake of praise from people, whatever it may be, does not find praise for piety, but condemnation for man-pleasing, or for self-indulgence, or for ambition, envy, or for other similar guilt.

Let us avoid vanity, this flattering robber of spiritual wealth, this worm that undermines virtues.

Vanity is not only the eradicator of good deeds, but also a guide to evil deeds.

Venerable Ephraim the Syrian:

Vanity is a ghost... convincing us to work for virtue and turning these works into nothing.

The devil destroys vigil and fasting, alms and deeds and all other blessings because of hated vanity and arrogance.

Saint John Chrysostom:

Do not ruin your work with vanity, do not let your sweat be shed in vain, and you, having run thousands of miles, lose all reward. The Lord knows your merits much better.

Vanity is harmful everywhere, but especially in matters of philanthropy, since here it is extreme cruelty, extracting praise from the misfortunes of others.

Such is the spirit of vanity that it blinds the minds of people even in relation to the most obvious objects, encourages them to contradict even the most recognized truths, and makes others, both very well aware of the truth and confident in it, hypocritically resist it.

A person susceptible to the disease of vanity does not know friendship, does not want to respect anyone at all; on the contrary, having expelled all the good from the soul, he is fickle, incapable of love, and takes up arms against everyone.

This passion perverted everything: it gave rise to covetousness, envy, slander, slander; it arms and embitters people.

There is nothing so funny and humiliating as the passion of vanity.

Vanity is terrible: it can blind even wise people if they do not stay awake.

Anyone infected with vanity - whether he fasts, prays, or gives alms - is deprived of his reward. What misfortune could be greater than, exhausting oneself, being ridiculed and being deprived of heavenly glory?

The cause of all evil is vanity. This is what kindles the fire the most; it extends its power everywhere and, like a tormentor, has every age and every rank... it ruins houses, cities, entire nations...

Just as a worm eats the trees in which it is born, rust eats iron and moths eat fabric, so vanity destroys the soul that has nurtured this passion in itself. Therefore, it takes a lot of effort to exterminate this passion in oneself.

The misfortune is that there is a disease - vanity; it harms you not only when you sin, but also when you have merit; in this case she subjects you to countless reproaches, in the other she deprives you of any reward.

I would rather be a slave to many barbarians than to one man, since barbarians do not command what vanity commands to their subordinates. Be a servant of all, it says, whether they be greater than you or lesser. Don’t care about your soul, don’t worry about virtue, laugh at freedom, sacrifice your salvation, and if you do any good, then do it not to please God, but for show to people, so that you can receive a crown from them; If you give alms or fast, endure the labor, but try to destroy the benefit. What could be more inhumane than such demands? This is where envy, arrogance, and love of money originate.

What here is worth the name of good? Is it honor that many covet? Does it give anything more to honorable people? A mortal will remain a mortal, whether he is given honor or not... He who sees this and therefore despises everything considered honorable by people, and has love for Divine life alone, knows that “all flesh is grass, and all its beauty - like the flower of the field" (Isa. 40:6), will he ever consider worthy of care what "is today" (Matthew 6:30) and what will not be tomorrow?
A soul thirsting for honor and glorification will not see the Kingdom of Heaven.

Venerable Neil of Sinai:

A bag with holes does not retain what is put in, and vanity ruins the reward for virtue.

Venerable John Climacus:

The fast of a vain person remains without reward, and his prayer is fruitless, for he does both for human praise.

Saint Basil the Great:

We must especially avoid vanity - not that which removes us from labor even before labor, but that which deprives us of crowns after labor - this invincible enemy of our salvation, which, under the very heavenly circles, sets an ambush against us and tries to overthrow the virtues that have sprouted to Heaven itself. . When vanity sees that the merchant of piety has already filled the ship with all sorts of goods of virtues, then, stirring up a storm, he tries to capsize and sink it. Convincing the mind of a swimmer, hurrying to the Heavenly Kingdom, to turn his gaze to what lies ahead and to human glory, suddenly dissipates all his spiritual wealth and, razing the foundations of virtue to the ground, overthrows the labors that reached to Heaven. It leads to the fact that we ask people for rewards for what we have done, when we should, fixing our gaze on God alone and for His sake keeping our good deeds secret, expect a worthy reward from Him alone. And we, preferring to good for the sake of God - labor for the sake of glory from people and demanding from them a vain reward - praise, are worthily and righteously deprived of God's rewards, not working for God, but giving ourselves over to work for people, and from them, instead of rewards, receiving the loss of all awards What can we ask ourselves from God, for whom we did not want to do anything?.. Let us avoid vanity, this flattering robber of spiritual wealth, this flattering enemy of our souls, this worm that undermines virtues; vanity, which with pleasure plunders our goods, calling honey the poison of its seduction and serving a destructive cup to human minds so that they can revel in this passion without satiety, because human glory is sweet for the inexperienced.

Venerable John Cassian the Roman:

We have a feat ahead of us against the spirit of vanity - diverse, diverse and subtle, so that it is hardly possible with the most insightful eyes, not to say - to be warned, but to foresee and recognize it.

This passion is complex, diverse, varied - everywhere, from all sides, it is encountered by the warrior and the winner. For she, both in clothing and in appearance, in gait, voice, deed, vigil, fasting, prayer, hermitage, reading, knowledge, silence, obedience, humility, long-suffering, tries to wound the warrior of Christ. Like a disastrous rock covered by stormy waves, it leads to an unexpected and pitiful shipwreck of those sailing in a favorable wind, when they did not fear or foresee it.

Other passions sometimes calm down with a change of place, are tamed and diminished after the removal of sin, or the convenience of committing it, or the reason for it, and vanity follows those who flee into the desert, and no place excludes it, it does not weaken from the removal of an external object. For this passion is inspired by the successes in the virtues of the one it attacks. Other passions sometimes weaken and cease over time, but this passion, if there is no careful diligence and prudence, not only does not suppress it for a long time, but even more encourages it... Other passions are openly opposed by the opposite virtues, fighting as if at on a clear day, and therefore it is convenient to defeat them and beware of them, but this one, clinging to the virtues, interfering with the formation of the army, fights as in a dark night, and therefore more insidiously deceives those who did not expect and are not wary of it.

An ascetic of Christ, who wants to legitimately strive for true spiritual feat, must try by all means to defeat this many-faced beast... Firstly, let us not allow ourselves to do anything with a vain intention, in order to obtain vain glory. Therefore, what is done well must be protected with due attention, so that the passion of vanity that creeps in later does not destroy all the fruits of our labor. With all diligence, one must avoid that which is not in common use among the brethren or is not done, so as not to give tribute to vanity. We also need to avoid anything that might differentiate us from other people, in order to avoid being praised as if we were the only ones doing it. For these signs especially prove that the mortal infection of vanity has clung to us. This, with God's help, can be avoided by reflecting on the fact that not only will we completely destroy the fruit of our labors if we do something with a vain intention, but we will also become guilty of blasphemy and be subjected to eternal torment, because, having offended God, we wanted to do better for people is the work that should be done for Him.

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk:

Do you see what satanic poison is hidden in vanity? It turns all deeds, no matter what a person does, into abomination and desolation, just as the sea turns the water of all the rivers flowing into it salty. This disease of the spirit makes us vile before God, and how hidden this vice is, so vile. We can protect ourselves from sensual idols and other sins, since we see them, but it is very difficult to protect ourselves from this idol, which nests in our hearts, because it resides so secretly in the heart.

Vanity is a poison that kills the soul.

God is the beginning and source of all good, and therefore glory and praise for good are due to Him alone. But when a person desires and seeks glory and praise for himself for good, then in the place where God should be and be honored and glorified, the person places himself like an idol and wants to be boasted and glorified. Therefore, he retreats from God with his heart and idolizes himself, although he does not notice this. What can a man boast about, who has nothing but sins and weaknesses? Are they sins? But what's the use? This is not praise, but reproach.

You see an apple... beautiful in appearance, but inside eaten by a poisonous worm, it is not only not useful to humans, but also harmful. This can be the case with a human deed: although from the outside it seems good, but when it comes from the heart, filled with self-love, vanity and pride, it is not only not useful for it, but also harms it. For such a person does not give glory to God, from Whom all good things come, and what should be given to God alone, he ascribes to himself. He abuses God’s gifts not for God’s glory, but for his own, and so in the place where he should place God, he places himself as an animated idol, and so he falls away and departs in heart from God and falls into the godless vice of spiritual idolatry. Such are those who give abundant alms, build temples of God, almshouses, but also from this they seek glory and human praise, who teach and instruct people in order to be known as wise and reasonable, and so on; and these are the devil’s machinations and the pride of a foolish and blind heart.

Saint Theophan the Recluse:

Having resurrected the daughter of Jairus, the Lord “strictly ordered” her parents “so that no one should know about this” (Mark 5:43). This tells us: do not seek glory, and do not strain your ear to hear people’s praises, even though your deeds are of such a kind that they cannot be hidden. Do what the fear of God and conscience force you to do, and treat human talk as if it did not exist at all. And look after your soul: as soon as it leans in the slightest degree towards this side, return it to your rank. The desire for people to know is driven by the desire for praise. When there is praise, then the goal seems to be achieved, and this undermines the energy and stops the praiseworthy activity, therefore, the continuation of the praise. It turns out that anyone who wants people to know his good deeds is his own enemy! What people praise, they do good, for what is good if not praised? But don’t have this in mind, and don’t expect it, and don’t look for it. If you indulge yourself in this, you will be completely spoiled. One indulgence will lead to another. Doing the same things more often will turn into a disposition, and you will become ambitious. And when you get to this point, then not all your deeds will be praiseworthy, and your boasting will be reduced. For lack of external praise, self-praise will begin, which the Lord called blowing a trumpet before himself. This is even worse. The soul then becomes petty, chases only tinsel, and you don’t expect true good from it.

Saint Ignatius (Brianchaninov):

The Pharisee is leavened with vanity; he does everything for human praise...

While protecting our virtues from damage by human praise, we must protect them from the evil that lives in us... not to be carried away by vain thoughts and dreams... and vain pleasure.

Vanity rejoices when it sees that a person is enriched with virtues; it hopes to turn every virtue into sin, it hopes to make every virtue the reason and reason for the condemnation of a person at the judgment of Christ.

Vanity and conceit love to teach and instruct.

The ascetic, for the sole reason that he has no concept of true spiritual activity... indulges in vain thoughts and dreams based on his exploits.

Like the love of money and greed, vanity destroys faith in the human heart.

The desire for human glory and human honor leads the monk from the narrow path of salvation paved by the God-man...

Saint John Chrysostom:

It is impossible for a virtuous person who walks a narrow and sorrowful path and fulfills the commandments of Christ to earn the praise and surprise of all people, because the power of evil and hostility to virtue is great. The Lord, knowing that it is impossible for a person who strictly strives for virtue and expects praise from Him to enjoy praise and good reputation among all people; he calls those unfortunate who, because of human praise, neglect virtue. Praise from all can serve as the greatest proof that those being praised care a little about virtue itself. And how will everyone praise a virtuous person if he begins to defend those who are offended from those who offend, those who suffer evil - from those who want to do evil? And also, if he wants to correct those who sin and praise those who live virtuously, then isn’t it natural that some will praise him and others will blame him? Therefore, the Lord says: “Woe to you when all people speak well of you!” (Lk. 6, 26).

As much harm as our friends do to us when they praise and caress us, our enemies do just as much good when they speak ill of us, although fairly, if only we want to take proper advantage of their reproaches. After all, friends often flatter us out of love, and enemies expose our sins. Out of pride we do not see our shortcomings, but out of enmity they look at us carefully and with their slander put us under the need to improve. And so their enmity becomes a source of greatest benefit for us, because, admonished by them, we not only recognize our sins, but also lag behind them.

Praises are puffed up to the point of madness and with their sweetness they destroy what deserves reward.

Why do you seek praise from people? Don’t you know that this praise, like a shadow, dissolves into thin air and disappears? Moreover, people are so fickle and changeable: the same people praise the same person today, and blame tomorrow.

Let us not value human praise and let us not seek glory from people, but for the sake of the One Who tests hearts and bellies, let us do good deeds and avoid wickedness.

The significance of praise usually burdens the conscience no less than sins.

Those who praise us increase arrogance in us, arouse pride, vanity, carelessness and make the soul pampered and weak.

Avoid human approval - and then you will receive many praises from both God and people.

By seeking human praise, you dishonor not only yourself, but also God.

Let us look only to be praised by God; If we keep this in mind, we will never seek praise from people, and if they praise us, we will despise such praise, ridicule it and abhor it.

Reverend Abba Isaiah:

If you willingly listen to praise for yourself, there is no fear of God in you.

Woe to us that we, filled with all filth, delight in the praises of men.

“If we exalt ourselves with pride, He will take His covering from us, and we will perish.”Venerable Anthony the Great

“With our pride we make God our enemy” Abba Isaiah

“Woe to the arrogant! When he goes to the grave, he will know who he is."Venerable Neil of Sinai

“The Lord turns away from the proud”: Holy Fathers and Elders about pride and humility - Vanity - Holy Scripture about pride

“The Lord turns away from the proud”

« Pride is the pinnacle of evil. Nothing is more disgusting to God than pride» — writes Saint John Chrysostom. God turns away from the proud and highly intelligent, takes away His grace, does not hear his prayers and does not help him. Torn away from his Creator and Benefactor, from His saving Grace, a person becomes darkened, becomes unable to perceive the truth and live according to it, plunges into the abyss of all kinds of passions and vices...

The proud have their own god and king - the devil, about whom the Holy Scripture says that he "king over all the sons of pride"(Job.41, 26).

: « He who walks with pride of heart is a partaker of the devils. An arrogant person is hated by everyone because his deeds are boastful: which is why he falls into many sins. All sins are vile before God, but the most vile of all is the pride of the heart. He who admonishes or gives advice to the proud is like one who pours water into a leaky vessel, or like one who extends speech to a flying bird. Proud-hearted people are despised before God; But God will not despise humble and contrite hearts. The very love of God, having descended to us from the highest, became humble to the last degree. Let us love humility, so that we can cry: see my humility and my work, and forgive all my sins(Ps. 24, 18).”

Saint John Chrysostom (347-407) speaks of pride as the mother of all vices: “Pride is the pinnacle of evil. Nothing is more disgusting to God than pride. Therefore, from the very beginning He arranged everything in such a way as to destroy this passion in us. Because of pride, we have become mortal, we live in sorrow and sorrow; Because of pride, our life passes in torment and tension, burdened with incessant labor. The first man fell into sin out of pride, desiring to be equal to God.

Genuinely nothing turns away God’s mercy and consigns it to the fire of hell so much as the passion of pride. If it is inherent in us, then no matter what deeds we perform, whether abstinence, virginity, prayer, alms, our whole life becomes unclean.

Pride is the mother of vices, from which the devil became a devil, without previously being one.

Pride is a pitfall against which those who have long resisted the storms of passions and various temptations have often been broken.

If one who is proud of a good deed ruins everything, then what punishment is a proud sinner worth? Such a person is no longer capable of repenting.”

St. Augustine (354-430):“It is better to humbly confess your sins than to proudly boast of your virtues.

The vice with which a person was first defeated is conquered after all other vices. Because when we overcome all sins, the danger remains that, conscious of our well-being, we can boast in ourselves, and not in the Lord.

All vices have their power only in lawless deeds, and pride should be feared even with the most virtues.”

Venerable Isaac the Syrian (550):“What can a successful person do - overcome the thought of pride? - The conviction that, succumbing to this thought, he will fall away from God, like a dry leaf falling from a tree. For whether by his own strength he acquired virtues, and endured all the struggles for their sake... The Providence of God always happens to the saints, both preserving and strengthening them. ...And this is clear, obvious and undeniable. One who realizes this cannot become proud.

When a person is in pride, then the providential angel, who is near him and arouses in him concern for righteousness, moves away from him. When a person offends this angel and he moves away from him, then a stranger (the spirit of darkness) approaches him - and from that time he no longer has any concern for righteousness.

Keep yourself from conceit during good changes in you. Diligently reveal your weakness and ignorance in considering the subtleties of this conceit to the Lord in prayer, so that you will not be abandoned and not be tempted in anything shameful; because pride follows fornication, and conceit follows deception.

The proud one is allowed to fall into blasphemy, the one who exalts himself in active virtue is allowed to fall into fornication, and the one who exalts himself in his wisdom is allowed to fall into the dark nets of ignorance.”

Holy great elders Barsanuphius and John (4th century): “From the desire to please people, a person comes to vanity. When it increases, pride comes.”

Saint Gregory the Theologian (330-389):“Exalt yourself more by life than by thought. Life can make you godlike, but thought can lead you to a great fall.

Do not consider it great that you seem better than the bad, but mourn that the good are superior to you.”

Venerable John Cassian the Roman (350-435):“There is no other passion that so destroys all virtues and so exposes and deprives a person of all righteousness and holiness, like this evil pride: it, like some kind of all-encompassing infection, is not content with relaxing one member, or one part, but damages the whole body mortal disorder and the virtues already standing at the heights are attempting to overthrow with a severe, extreme fall and destroy...

The passion of pride...is the source of all sins and crimes. Not like other passions, it destroys not only the virtue that is opposite to itself, i.e. humility, but it is the destroyer of all virtues together and tempts not just some mediocre and insignificant ones, but especially those who stand at the height of power...

He who is overcome by pride considers it humiliating for himself to observe any rules of subordination or obedience, even reluctant to listen to the general teaching about the perfection of spiritual life, sometimes he has a complete disgust for him, especially when, convicted by conscience, he accepts the suspicion that it is deliberately directed against him. In the latter case, his heart becomes even more hardened and flares up with anger. After which he has a loud voice, rude speech, an obstinate and bitter answer, a proud and agile gait, and uncontrollable talkativeness. Thus, it happens that a spiritual conversation not only does not bring him any benefit, but, on the contrary, turns out to be harmful, becoming for him a reason for greater sin.”

“Pride is the rejection of God, a demonic invention, contempt for men, the mother of condemnation, ... driving away God's help, the forerunner of insanity, the culprit of falls, the cause of demons, the source of anger, ... the enemy of God, the root of blasphemy” (Lestv. 23, 1).

“When the demon of pride is established in his servants, then, appearing to them in a dream or in reality, in the form of a bright Angel or a martyr, he gives them the revelation of the sacraments and, as it were, the gift of gifts, so that these damned ones, deceived, will completely lose their minds” (Fl. 23 , 19).

Venerable Simeon the New Theologian (1021):“Whoever, being dishonored or annoyed, greatly hurts his heart from this, let it be known from this that he carries an ancient serpent in his bowels; if he begins to silently endure what is inflicted on him, or to counter with great humility, he will make his serpent weak and relaxed (and will completely kill you). And if he contradicts with bitterness and speaks with insolence, he will begin to give strength to the serpent - to pour poison into his heart and mercilessly devour his insides: so that the serpent, being thus strengthened every day, will finally absorb the very intention of his poor soul to correct himself and keep life in good order; and it will take away the strength to do so. And after this he will become so, to live in sin and be completely dead in righteousness.”

Saint Demetrius of Rostov (1651-1709) in his famous book “The Spiritual Alphabet” he writes about pride: “ Don't be proud and majestic - so you don't become like demons; Do not be exalted in your heart, lest you be compared with them. But be meek and humble - so that you will be exalted by the Lord Himself and unite with the Angels: “On whom will I look but to him who is meek and lowly and trembles at My words,” says the Lord. Demons are especially different from Angels in that they have fallen away from God because they did not remain humble and submissive. For there is nothing so vile not only before God, but also before people, as self-aggrandizement and pride, just as there is nothing more kind and pleasant than meekness and humility.

The humble and meek are always peaceful; the proud and majestic are always agitated and embarrassed.

Pride is born from madness and spiritual blindness; from reason and knowledge comes humility. If you truly knew yourself, you would not be proud. But since you don’t know yourself well yet and – as you should – don’t understand, you are senselessly proud. Know that “The Lord resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble,” says Solomon. Know that the Lord accepts the meek, and humbles the proud sinners to the ground; He lifts up the humble and brings down the proud; from the humble he accepts little things, but from the proud he rejects great things: from the humble publican he accepted one sigh, but from the proud Pharisee he rejected many virtues. A humble sinner is better before God than a proud righteous man: For everyone who is arrogant is an abomination before God, says Solomon.

Do not be proud of wealth, for it disappears; Do not be proud of your carnal birth, for we are all ashes and ashes; Do not be proud of your strength, or wisdom, or the beauty of the flesh: all this is not from you, and do not be proud of anything else, for you have nothing of your own, but everything is God’s. ...Everything is God's, not ours. You have nothing to be arrogant about and to be proud of before others. Better consider yourself the worst of all. Appropriate everything that is yours to God - so that you will be in unity with Him in everything: with God everything will be yours, and without God you are alien to everything.

The proud does not follow a simple and straight path, but a stubborn one, full of thorns and thistles. There is no other way through which crime and fall occur than through pride; and heart correction comes from nothing other than humility and simplicity. Wherever and whenever a fall occurred, it was always preceded by pride....Be always humble - and always covered and preserved by God’s grace, you will be without any blemish and you will remain without falls, without stumbling.”

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk (1724-1783) about pride he writes: “ The beginning of pride is the devil, who departed from his Creator and from an angel of light became the prince of darkness. Both ourselves are infected with this deadly poison, and our hearts have been so strongly infected that we cannot mourn this damnation of ours for the rest of our lives.

Like nothing else, pride is dangerous, hidden and difficult to eradicate. Dangerous pride, because for the proud lies heaven and instead of heaven hell is defined. For God opposes the proud- says Scripture. Secret pride, because it lies so deep in our hearts that and we can’t see it without the help of the meek-hearted Jesus Christ, the Son of God; And We recognize it better in our neighbors than in ourselves. We see other vices (in ourselves), such as drunkenness, fornication, theft, embezzlement, etc., because we often regret and are ashamed of them, but we do not see pride.

...Many call themselves sinners, but they do not tolerate others calling them that, and although many of them are silent, they accept such a reproach not without indignation and heartbreak. And so from this it becomes clear that they only call themselves sinners with their tongues, and not with their hearts; they show humility with their lips, but do not have it in their hearts. For a truly humble person cannot become upset and angry from reproach, because he considers himself worthy of all humiliation. - Like nothing difficult to eradicate pride, for with great inconvenience and also not without the help of God we overcome it. For We carry this evil within ourselves.

Are we in good health? She accompanies us with magnificence and pomp, contempt and humiliation of our neighbors.

Will we end up in misfortune? He proves himself through indignation, murmuring and blasphemy.

Are we trying to learn patience, meekness and other virtues? He rises up against us with the arrogance of the Pharisees. And so we cannot get rid of it anywhere and in any way: it always walks with us, always wants to dominate and own us.

...A proud person, exalting and honoring himself, judges and humiliates others; or, wanting to cover up his own vices, he slanderes others so that people who hear about him think that he has no such vices.

Signs of pride the essence is this: (man) does not submit to the superiors; not inferior to equals or inferiors; pride is eloquent, lofty and loquacious; seeks glory, honor and praise in every possible way; exalts himself and his deeds highly; despises and humiliates others; looking to show off; shamelessly praises himself; whatever good (dignity) he has, he attributes to himself, and not to God; he boasts about the good things he does not have; he tries very hard to hide his shortcomings and vices; does not tolerate being treated with contempt and humiliation; does not accept admonitions, reproofs, or advice; interferes arbitrarily in the affairs of others; Having lost his rank or honor and in other misfortunes, he grumbles, is indignant, and often blasphemes. Consequently, pride is angry, pride is envious: for it does not want anyone equal to it or higher than it to have equal or greater honor, but for it to surpass everyone in everything; pride is not loving, it is hateful. – Self-love is the root of all evil. - So, pride is the beginning and root of all sin.

Pride is not only a grave and vile sin in itself, but also other sins cause It happens. For God, who opposes the proud, with righteous judgment takes away His grace from the proud; Satan, as a proud spirit and a murderer, to such home, How marked and decorated, it is convenient to begin. Therefore, a person who remains without the grace of God, as weak and receptive to all evil, conveniently falls into every sin...

...Oh, poor creature, poor in the beginning, poor in the middle, poor in the end! Like a fragile and rotten vessel, like the earth in essence, a person will go into the earth. – The more we come to know and remember Christ, the more we recognize our meanness and wretchedness - and thus humble ourselves. Christ, the Son of God, your Lord, humbled himself for your sake: should you, a servant, be proud? For your sake, your Lord took on the form of a slave: should you, a slave, seek dominance? Your Lord accepted you for dishonor: should you, a servant, be exalted with honor? Your Lord had no place to lay his head: should you, a servant, expand the magnificent buildings? Your Lord washed His disciples’ feet: are you ashamed to serve your brethren? Your Lord endured slander, reproach, mockery, ridicule, and spitting: should you, a servant, not endure an annoying word? He endured it innocently and for your sake: shouldn’t you, the guilty one, endure it for yourself? Don't your sins deserve it? Your Lord prayed for His crucifiers: Father, leave them: Should you, a slave, be angry with those who have insulted you, be angry, and seek revenge?

But who are you that your ears cannot bear insults? A wretched creature, weak, naked, passionate, lost, subject to all sorts of misfortunes, surrounded by all sorts of troubles, grass, hay, steam, appearing briefly and disappearing. But take care and beware that Christ your Lord is not ashamed of you, if you are ashamed of His humility and meekness. For says: Whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, and the Son of man will be ashamed of him when he comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels(Mark 8:38). He is ashamed of Christ and His words who does not follow His humility, meekness, and patience, but wants to reign in peace in pride. “Fear,” says Basil the Great to the proud one, “a fall like the devil, who, having ascended against man, fell lower than man, and whoever he trampled upon was given over to him for trampling.”

It is bad and disgusting for anyone to be proud before God for the reasons described above, but it is worse for someone who should be brought into humility by the state of misfortune. It is bad for a high-ranking, noble, master, rich person to be proud, but worse than that for a vile, low-born, slave, beggar...

Since, as stated above, the poison of deadly pride is so deeply rooted in our hearts, we must often look at the deepest humility of the Son of God and learn from Him, as He Himself says: learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart(Matthew 11:29) - and, moreover, to ask Him earnestly, so that, having driven out this destructive poison through the healing of His grace, He might give a spirit of humility, which His other gifts would follow. For God gives grace to the humble.”

Saint Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow (1783-1867): « There is nothing more disgusting to God than pride, because it conceals self-deification.

In the present century we hear the parable: “The warrior who does not want to be a military leader is bad.” This is not Solomon’s parable, this is not wisdom, but carnal and vain wisdom. The true parable says: He who makes his house high seeks to be broken(Proverbs 17, 16). And one more thing: Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord(Proverbs 16:5). The words of the One who is greater than Solomon agree with this: everyone who exalts himself will be humiliated(Luke 18:14).”

Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov(1807-1867) writes: “It is difficult for people to endure fame without harm to their soul. This is difficult not only for those who are passionate or who struggle with passions, but also for those who have overcome passions and for saints. Although they were granted victory over sin, their changeability was not taken away, the opportunity to return to sin and under the yoke of passions was not taken away...

Tendency to Pride, as he notes St. Macarius the Great, dwells in the purest souls. This inclination serves as the beginning of seduction and infatuation. Because of this, the gift of healing and other visible gifts are very dangerous for those to whom they are given, as highly valued by carnal and sensual people, glorified by them. The invisible gifts of grace are incomparably higher than the visible ones; for example, the gift of leading souls to salvation and healing them from passions is not understood and not noticed by the world... The merciful God gives people what they essentially need and useful, although they do not understand and do not appreciate it...

“Many,” says Isaac of Syria, “they performed signs, raised the dead, labored in converting the lost, performed great miracles... and after this they themselves... fell into foul and abominable passions, and killed themselves.”

“Please be careful above all else so as not to get on the road to pride and get stuck there. There is a first step along this road self-worth, the hidden feeling that I something, not nothing; the second is conceit, or well-being, the feeling that I am not only something, but also something important, both before people and before God. From these two, a whole heap of proud thoughts and feelings are then born, which are the most disgusting to God. Therefore, try in every possible way to be in a sincere feeling of complete self-destruction.

Don’t let self-worth creep in on you. This demon is more cunning than all demons and manages to crawl into the soul through the most inconspicuous hole. He'll sit there and ruin everything. Pray to God to let you tangibly see what evils there are in the heart, and whatever you see, find a prayer against it... and insert it all into your prayers.

From conceit two things come out: blowing in front of me and condemnation others. Here is an evil trio that is rushing into destruction. We need to unharness and sell these fierce horses. Then it will turn out: if you drive more quietly, you will go further.

Beware conceit. It is the first enemy. Our goodness before God, while still only intentional, already gives rise to the thought of some specialness of ours before others, especially when we manage to do something along this path. As soon as we stand in this order for a little while, it seems like something marvelous, and we begin to dream of ourselves as perfect persons, performing wondrous deeds. And the enemy is inciting this in order to arouse self-esteem. Whoever gives in and falls into this conceit, grace immediately departs from him and leaves him alone. Then the enemy seizes him like a helpless prey.

The Lord only accepts those who come to Him with a sense of sinfulness. From the one who comes to Him in a sense of righteousness, He turns away. He came to save sinners, not the righteous.

Pride is in feelings, and not in external position... And great kings are the most humble... Saint David is a king of shepherds, and said: I am a worm, and not a man, a reproach of people and a humiliation of people(Ps. 21, 7).

If you can, hide your affairs in spiritual life as much as possible and don’t reveal them in your eyes, in conversations, or in other respects, but act simply... just avoid empty chatter... Work hard, but don’t think about being able to do anything yourself, without much effort. God's help.

A humble soul is always bright. The darkening of the soul begins when it begins to think a lot about itself, for this is the work of dark forces».

Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt (1829-1908) writes about pride and pride: “ Our self-love and pride are revealed especially in impatience and irritability when one of us does not tolerate the slightest trouble caused to us by others intentionally, or even unintentionally... Our vanity and pride would like to put everything on our own, surround ourselves with all the honors and comforts of temporary life, we would like our beck to be obeyed silently and quickly all people and even - to whatever extent pride extends! - all nature, whereas - oh grief! – we ourselves are very indifferent to faith and to every good deed, to pleasing the one Lord of all!

Christian! You must certainly be humble, meek and long-suffering, remembering that you are clay, dust, insignificance, that you are unclean, that everything good in you is God’s, that God’s gifts are your life, breath, and everything; that for the sin of disobedience and intemperance you must now atone for your future bliss in paradise with long-suffering, which is necessary in the world of imperfections and countless falls of fallen people who live with us together and make up numerous members of a single humanity, enfeebled by sins. Bear each other's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ(Gal.6, 2). He who is impatient and irritable does not know himself and humanity and is not worthy to be called a Christian! In saying this, I pronounce judgment on myself, for I am the first to suffer from impatience and irritability.

What is most desirable for a person? Avoidance of sin, remission and forgiveness of sins and acquisition of holiness. Why? Because sins, such as: proud, evil behavior towards one’s neighbor, evil suspiciousness, covetousness, stinginess, envy, etc. separate us from God, the Source of life, ... plunge us into spiritual death, and meek, humble, kindly treatment of everyone, even our enemies, simple-heartedness, non-covetousness, contentment with the small and necessary, generosity to everyone, goodwill and other virtuous deeds unite us with God, the Source of life, and they make people kind.

When you are slandered and because of this you are embarrassed and sick at heart, it means that you have pride, it is she who must be wounded and driven out of the heart by external dishonor. So, don't be annoyed by ridicule.

Watch the manifestation closely pride: It manifests itself subtly, especially in being upset and irritable with others due to the most unimportant reasons.

Pride in faith is revealed even in the insensibility of one’s sins, in Pharisaic justification and self-praise, in insensibility of God’s mercies, in ingratitude to God for all that is good, in inability to feel the need for the praise of God’s magnificence. All who do not pray to the Lord Almighty, the God of spirits and all flesh, do not pray out of secret pride.

A proud person, while others talk about the virtues of a person, slyly fears that this person might be superior to him in virtues and eclipse him, for the proud person puts himself above everyone else and does not imagine finding the same or better virtues in other people."

Venerable Macarius of Optina (1788-1860) writes about spiritual pride, vanity and the need for humility (from letters to worldly persons): “ Be as careful as possible not to get carried away with opinions about your correction. For this reason we are abandoned by God's help, and that is why we fall when temptations come from our neighbors who cause us trouble; and remember that this is God’s looking to the knowledge of our weakness, so that we may humble ourselves...

It may very well happen that all your vices will leave you, and there will be one left that can replace all the others, this is pride. We won't even see her creep in, and is content alone to the destruction of the soul.

You find two opposite actions in your mental structure: exaltation and despair. Of course, you understand that this comes from the enemy, and you can fight him, and both of these actions are very difficult for the soul. Maybe you understand the reason for this? As the Holy Fathers write, they come from spiritual pride, and from a lack of humility and it is difficult to resist them; in both cases one must humble oneself.

IN first (despair) - to cast all your weaknesses and sins into the abyss of God’s mercy, to lament and repent for them, but hope for mercy; for the Lord shed His most pure blood for sinners. And at least we fulfilled the whole law, but we should not rely on our works to save us, and consider ourselves unbreakable slaves, according to the word of the Lord. Read from St. Mark of the Ascetic a word about those who think to be justified from works(in the 1st volume of the Philokalia) ; You will find many chapters where (St. Mark) does not give the right to hope for deeds, but how to fulfill them as a duty. And in order not to despair, read from St. Isaac the Syrian 7th word and at St. Peter of Damascus, in part 3 of the Philokalia “For it is not proper to despair, even though many people sin” and “For true repentance is a great good.” You will find in them many fortifications against despair.

And in second (elevation) – by remembering your weaknesses, sins and transgressions, overthrow the praising thoughts that come to you: and how, read from St. Isaac's 21 words And 46 word, ...and there are many more fatherly teachings about this...

And in the struggle against this, you did not have the strength to drive away these thoughts, because you did not act humbly, but wanted to drive them away on your own; one must humbly cry out to the Lord: “Have mercy on me, for I am weak,” and not be embarrassed; they will leave. And if you are embarrassed, your enemies will rise up against you more.

And the fact is that you, aware of your wrongness, you try to justify yourself to others and become irritable, Find out for yourself what happens (this) due to lack of humility; and therefore we must try to gain this great treasure - humility, which always gives us peace.

The fact that you try to notice moral shortcomings in yourself - this will help you acquire humility, and forward - caution against them...

Vanity and pride are of the same origin. The difference between them is this: vanity encourages one to show one’s piety or one’s intelligence, values ​​people’s opinions, loves praise, is inclined to please people, fears false human shame, and the like. Pride reveals itself in outbursts of anger, embarrassment, condemnation and humiliation of neighbors, inflating the soul with conceit and exaltation about one’s own deeds... The fruit of pride is the fall of men and spiritual people...”

Venerable Barsanuphius of Optina (1845-1913):“Do not be proud, do not be vain, either in yourself or in front of others. It is said: " Do not blow a trumpet before yourself or others." but consider yourself worse than everyone else and get used to the idea that you are sentenced to hellish torment, that you deserve it, and that you can get rid of it only by the grace of God. It’s not easy, and only saints achieve the point where they consider themselves worthy of hellish torment, and they consider themselves the worst of all...

...Now at the blessing I spoke about vainglorious thoughts that bother me especially during my cell rule. I try to read, if possible, slowly and delving into the meaning of what I read. Often the thought comes to me as if I am reading and one of my relatives or friends is listening to me and even sees me, although I don’t see them... And it seems to me that those listening are satisfied with my reading. This is what I told my father.

• Yes, this is vanity that needs to be fought. Don't take this into consideration... Don't pay attention. And if you see that you are beginning to read better and with greater feeling, then turn to God with thanksgiving and self-reproach. Then this demon will have nothing to use from you, and he will leave, but not completely, he will not leave you and next time he will come again. Yes, the monk is constantly fighting in his thoughts.

Venerable John Climacus considers vanity not a separate passion, but adds it to pride. Vanity, intensified, turns into pride. What vanity does is that the voiceless begins to sing, the lazy becomes zealous, the sleepy becomes cheerful, and the like. The Monk John Cassian, noticing this, is surprised at the cunning, cunning, and malice of this demon. And how all the saints avoided vanity, how carefully they treated it...

Father Ambrose often appeared in a sensual form and in reality, giving advice, eliminating dangers. And this happened during his lifetime. They asked him: how does he appear to many people in reality without leaving the room? It’s understandable if it was in a dream, but in reality? “It’s not me, it’s my Angel,” Father Ambrose answered such questions.

There was one attempt, not only to become equal to God, but even to become higher than Him, and it ended with this Seraphim becoming lower than everyone else and immediately acquiring all the negative qualities for his pride and insolence. And so, the more you live here, the more and more you are convinced that the Lord looks only at the meek and humble. And that’s why he hates pride because it is a devilish, satanic trait.”

Mother Arsenia Abbess of the Ust-Medveditsky Monastery (1833-1905):“In case of any confusion and temptation, the only way out and peace is humility. Only along this path does the soul come to truth, which resolves everything, to healing warmth, to alleviating freedom. If you lose this path, then darkness and crampedness surround your soul. She comes to a false mind. And this is disastrous. Because the false mind shows everything in a wrong way; all the circumstances of life seem bitter and disastrous, you do not see in them the ways of God, the great destinies of His saving Providence. People are not brothers, but enemies, their weaknesses increase to the extreme. One’s own infirmities become terrible and even living images of internal torment. Yes, one path saves at this time - the path of humility. Read Psalm 50 three times a day. Read, forcing yourself, even in church during the Cherubic Song, and the Lord will reveal to you the meaning of true repentance and deep humility of spirit.

...We must, with God's help, keep our hearts from passions. Keep it mainly from conceit, from pride. Keep him from lies, from self-justification. Keep it from dislike, from contempt for your neighbor. And, if, with the grace of God helping us, we do not allow all these passions to take over our heart, then it will be able to accept the suggestion of the word of God and follow His will...”

Archpriest Valentin Sventsitsky (1882-1931) writes: “Is it possible, being always in irritation, waging a constant embittered struggle with everyone around him, is it possible, exalting my human will, falling into pride, Is it possible to take an example from the Savior in His meekness and humility?»

Priest Alexander Elchaninov (1881-1934):“It is characteristic that the main two forms of madness - delusions of grandeur and delusions of persecution - are possible only with pride and are forms of sin - pride.

Human limitations in themselves are not stupidity. The smartest people are necessarily limited in a number of things. Stupidity begins where stubbornness and self-confidence appear, that is, where pride begins.

Passion makes even an intelligent person stupid.

Pride = loneliness = pitch darkness. Pride - hence pride, hence partiality, inability to self-esteem - hence stupidity. Every proud person is stupid in his assessments, even if by nature he had a brilliant mind. And back, the humble is wise, even if he is “foolish”; the essence of wisdom—the sense of Truth and humility before it—is accessible to him.”.

Elder Zechariah (1850-1936):“Sometimes there are such troubles with people when a person, instead of humbly uniting with the Lord, falls into pride, delusion, imagination, condemnation of others, and considers himself almost a saint, and some even imagine themselves to be saints. For such people, the Lord allows, as punishment and admonishment for them, that they fall into some grave, shameful sin, from the severity of which they sometimes begin to come to their senses. How would they come to their senses? They repent and sometimes completely improve. But this does not always happen. Very often they die. God forbid anyone to be in their place.”

Venerable Silouan of Athos (1866-1938):“Who... has lost grace, he
let him fight the demons courageously. Know that it is your own fault - you have fallen into pride and vanity, and the Lord graciously allows you to know what it means to be in the Holy Spirit and what it means to be in a struggle with demons. Thus the soul learns by experience the harm of pride, and then vanity, and human praise, and thoughts run away. Then the soul will begin to recover and learn to maintain grace. How to understand whether the soul is healthy or sick? A sick soul is proud; and a healthy soul loves humility, as the Holy Spirit taught her, and if she does not know this, then she considers herself worse than everyone else.

A humble soul has great peace, but a proud soul torments itself. The proud do not know the love of God and are far from God. He is proud that he is rich, or learned, or in glory, but, unfortunate, he does not know his poverty and destruction, for he does not know God. But whoever fights against pride, the Lord will help him overcome this passion.

The Lord does not reveal Himself to a proud soul. A proud soul, even if he studies all the books, will never know the Lord, for with her pride she does not give room for the grace of the Holy Spirit, and God is known only by the Holy Spirit...

If we were humble, then the Lord, out of His love, would show us everything, reveal all the secrets, but our grief is that we are not humble, we are proud and vain of every trifle, and thereby torment ourselves and others.

The Lord, although merciful, torments the soul with hunger because of pride, and does not give it grace until they learn humility...

...When we proudly move away from the Lord, we give ourselves over to torment: melancholy, despondency, and evil thoughts torment us...

We must firmly remember that the enemies themselves fell with pride, and they always try to push us onto the same road and they deceived many. And the Lord said: “ Learn from Me meekness and humility, and you will find rest for your souls."

The proud person does not want to live according to the will of God: he loves to govern himself; and does not understand that man lacks the intelligence to control himself without God. And I, when I lived in the world and did not yet know the Lord and His Holy Spirit, did not know how much the Lord loves us, I relied on my own reason; but when by the Holy Spirit I came to know our Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, then my soul surrendered to God, and everything that sorrowful happens to me, I accept and say: “The Lord looks upon me; What should I be afraid of? Before, I couldn’t live like this.

...The proud and disobedient do not want to surrender to the will of God, because they love to do their own will, which is so harmful to the soul.

The great Pimen said: “ Our will is a copper wall between us and God, and does not allow us to get closer to Him or contemplate His mercy»…

...Whoever is dissatisfied with his fate, grumbles about illness or about the one who offended him, let him know that he is in a proud spirit, which has taken away his gratitude to God.

But if so, then do not be discouraged, but try to firmly trust in the Lord and ask Him for a humble spirit; and when the humble Spirit of God comes to you, you will love Him and will be at peace, although there will be sorrows.

If people kept the commandments of Christ, then there would be heaven on earth, and everyone would have everything they need in abundance with little difficulty, and the Spirit of God would live in the souls of people, for He Himself seeks the human soul and wants to live in us, and if not move in, then only because of the pride of our minds...

Nowadays people have become proud and are saved only by sorrows and repentance, but very rarely does anyone achieve love…

Because of pride, the grace of God is lost, and with it love for God and boldness in prayer; and then the soul is tormented by evil thoughts and does not understand that one must humble oneself and must love one’s enemies, for otherwise it is impossible to please God...”

Saint Nicholas of Serbia (1880-1956):“The Lord spoke with His mouth a new teaching before the people: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven(Matt. 5, 3). So with one swing of his ax Jesus struck the root of all evil - pride. And pride is the original sin of Satan, which father of lies infected people, filled them with the breath of evil, like balloons, to soon be punctured and trampled. A proud man thinks that he is flying, and even when he is crawling, in his complacency he despises both people and God. But the poor in spirit are humble, constantly dissatisfied with themselves, ashamed of themselves in front of people and fear God. Therefore, he improves and sprouts like a living seed from under the ground until he grows to the Kingdom of Heaven, which belongs to such people. In place of human pride, which Satan made the foundation of his Tower of Babel, Jesus put humility as the foundation of His Royal Palace - the Church of Christ..."

“A certain wise old man admonished a proud brother, but this one answered him: “Forgive me, father, I am not proud.” The wise old man objected to him: “How more clearly can you prove that you are proud, if not by saying: I am not proud?”

Yes, pride is blind, it does not see itself. Pride - a diabolical invention. Here are its manifestations: anger, slander, irritability, hypocrisy, hatred, contradictions, disobedience; she firmly insists on her opinion, it is difficult to obey others, she does not tolerate comments, but she herself loves to make comments to others, she throws out words without meaning; she has no patience, is alien to love, impudent even to the point of insult, desire for power; the proud suffer greatly from blasphemous thoughts. I wrote briefly on the basis of patristic teaching.”

Hegumen Nikon (Vorobiev) (1894-1963) writes in letters to his spiritual children: “Do not be upset, but humble yourself. Everyone has no end of arrogance and arrogance. You need to sit in a puddle many, many times to understand your limitations and the need for constant help from God. If all mental powers are perverted by the fall, then the consciousness of one’s personality, “I,” is especially perverted.

As the image of God, as called to be a child of God, a partaker of the nature of God, man truly is of great value, more valuable than the whole world. One should be aware of this, thank God for this, behave accordingly, but in reality a person either does not know his true greatness, or, due to depravity, puts his “I” in trifles, advocates petty pride, is vain, proud... and becomes unpleasant And for God and for people. This perversity is worse than other sins and is difficult to heal, because... touches the very depths of a person’s soul, his foundation, “I”. Humility is the correction of this perversion, which is why it is so valued..."

« And we all have more than enough pride. Words cannot humble us. So the Lord allows people to fall into every kind of shame, so that a person involuntarily comes to the consciousness of his insignificance and ugliness. All our beauty, all our goodness is in the Lord and through the Lord. "Get away from the earth, draw near to the Lord“, and He will comfort you both here and in the hereafter.”

Schema-abbot Savva (1898-1980) He writes about pride: “The proud come out from under the authority of God’s law, and therefore deprive themselves of the protection and patronage of God. Pride is a terrible mental illness that is very difficult to cure. There is no more vile sin before God than pride. The Holy Fathers call it “the seed of Satan”; the proud “suffer defeat in all their ways. Living in the body, they have already died in soul and even during their lifetime they experience the torments of hell: loneliness, gloomy despondency, melancholy, anger, hatred, infertility, darkness and despair...

Pride is extreme self-confidence, with the rejection of everything that is not mine; source of anger, cruelty, irritation and malice; refusal of God's help. But it is the proud one who has a special need for God, because people cannot save him when the illness reaches its final stage.

The inventor of sin, the fallen angel of darkness, himself sinned by resisting God, that is, by pride, and leads the entire human race into this destructive passion.

Every sinner who pleases his passion wages war against God, just as Satan once raised a rebellion and war in heaven against God in order to disobey Him and live according to his own will.

When a proud, vain, self-loving, glory-hungry, power-hungry, cruel, angry, envious, arrogant, arrogant, disobedient and others satisfy their passions and humiliate others for the sake of their “I”, then by this they, as it were, raise a sword against God and, as it were, speak to Christ : “We don’t want to follow Your example, we don’t want to be meek and kind! We don't like Your law! Let them obey and serve us, and not let us serve them!”

Deliver, Lord, from such darkness! This is what usually happens to the proud. If they do not stop in time and do not repent, then they become opponents of God.

Through every sin, even a small one, the grace of God weakens in the soul, and through mortal sin people lose it completely and become worthy of eternal punishment.

Pride is the main knot that binds all sins, vices and passions, and humility is the sharp sword that cuts them. We have nothing to be proud of. The Lord gave us the body and all our abilities, and all this is not ours, but the Lord’s. What we have are only vices and passions, but it is unreasonable to be proud of them. Proud people tend to get irritated, swear, argue, and take offense.

Saint John Chrysostom speaks: " Anyone who allows this to happen has a lack of intelligence." You need to work on yourself and develop such a character that you never argue with anyone, never get angry, never get annoyed.

Saint John Climacus speaks: " When a person cries about his sins, he does not condemn others.” Therefore, as soon as we stop judging ourselves, we immediately begin to condemn others.…»

Archimandrite Sophrony (Sakharov) (1896-1993): « Sin is always a crime against the love of the Father. It manifests itself as our distance from God and in the inclination of our will to passions. Repentance always associated with abstinence from sinful desires. And outside of Christianity there is a struggle with certain passions; ...but since there is no knowledge about the deep essence of sin - pride, this evil root remains not overcome, and the tragedy of history does not cease to grow.

The Holy Fathers say: humility alone can save a person, and pride alone is enough to lead one into hellish darkness…

The centuries-old experience of holy ascetics has shown with irrefutable certainty that pride is the main obstacle to the illumination of us by the Holy Spirit.

...The humility of God is incomprehensible: it is non-relational: there is no comparison of oneself with anyone in it: it is an attribute of Divine Love, giving itself beyond all measure.

In the prayer feat of the generations preceding us, and in the Holy Scriptures, God is given names according to His character, according to His attitude towards us, according to His manifestations: God is Light, God is Truth, Love, Mercy and many others. I dare add: God is HUMILITY. Nothing unclean, that is, proud, touches Him. Pride is vile darkness, the antithesis of the Divine Good; pride is the principle of evil, the root of all tragedies, the sower of enmity, the destroyer of the world, the enemy of the divinely established order; it contains the essence of hell.

Pride is that “utter darkness”, in which a person is separated from the God of love. “People... loved darkness” (John 3:19). Salvation from this hell is possible only through repentance...

Pride is that dark abyss into which man plunged in his fall. By bending his will towards her, he became spiritually blind and became unable to recognize her presence in the movements of his heart and mind. Only the uncreated Light descending on us through faith in the Divinity of Jesus Christ allows us to see the metaphysical essence of pride. The grace of the Holy Spirit enlightens a person’s heart, and he discovers within himself the presence of a malignant tumor that brings him death. Those who have experienced divine love tend to be repulsed by the specific poisonous smell that permeates the passion of pride. Separating from God, pride makes a person a closed circle. The proud, no matter how intellectually gifted, will always and forever remain outside the all-encompassing love of Christ. Intoxicated in paradise with the sweet potion of Luciferic self-deification, man went mad and became a prisoner of hell. Turned to himself as the center, he will sooner or later come across a painful emptiness; the one from which he was called by the Creator to this life. Having turned outside himself to seek compensation in the world around him, he undergoes all sorts of perversions and can become capable of all sorts of crimes.

The forms of manifestation of pride are innumerable, but they all distort the image of God in man. Outside of Christ, without Christ, the tragedy of the earthly history of mankind is insoluble. The Earth's atmosphere is filled with the smell of blood. Every day the universe is fed with news of murders or torture of those defeated in fratricidal conflicts. Dark clouds of hatred hide the heavenly Light from our eyes. People themselves build their own hell. Not without our total change through repentance will the world be delivered: “deliverance” from the most terrible of all curses - wars. For a humble bearer of love, it is preferable to be killed than to kill...

Pride is both malice and darkness. It is the root of all sins. The Lord began His preaching on Earth with a call to repentance. The Greek word “repentance” means a radical change in our mental approach to all of life, a transition from the old worldview to a vision in a “reverse”, iconographic perspective: through humility the ascent to the Almighty; for through pride we fell into utter darkness. This is how our repentance begins, which has no end on Earth: the end is in perfect likeness to Christ God, ascended to the Father; in perfect godlike humility - the completion of our deification...

Why does our angry self-condemnation justify us before God? ...Such repentance, going to the origins of the universal tragedy (see Genesis chapter 3), opens up a “place” within us for the coming of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of truth, which leads us renewed into the luminous Kingdom.”

“Envy, condemnation, anger, rancor, etc. come from pride. Pride is, so to speak, general headquarters of all passions. By defeating pride, you defeat all passions, and humility and love come to the heart. Therefore, I think it is enough to focus on pride and turn the front in its direction. Focus all the fire on the citadel of pride that separates us from God. The enemy, when he wants to seize a state, delivers the main blow to the capital. If you manage to capture the capital, consider that you have captured the entire state...

Whoever has more humility has richer spiritual content. Proud has no inner content. He, like an unripe ear, stands upright, and a mature one bows his head down. A person clouded with pride is not only internally restless, but also externally anxious and noisy. All his deeds are like a balloon: the devil first inflates it, and then punctures it, and the balloon bursts with a noise.

Pride is a shameful and terrible thing, because it turned Angels into demons! She kicked us out of heaven to earth, and now she’s trying to send us from earth to hell.”

“The devil often presents things in disguise, and a person does not understand when he acts out of pride. But if he is attentive to himself, he will understand when he acts with pride. He may not feel all the pride that is in him, but he feels at least part of it, he can recognize it if he feels a sense of selfish satisfaction and superiority over others.

– And if a person does not understand at all that he has pride, what happens then?

“Then spiritual laws begin to operate. A person is proud, falls and humbles himself. He is proud again, falls again and humbles himself again. And this continues throughout life: pride - humility, pride - humility. Such humility is not a virtue, but the result of the action of spiritual laws. A person humbles himself without wanting it and without drawing any conclusions for himself. This is a state of stagnation, a person is simply given the opportunity to understand that something is wrong in him...

- Geronda, what if I feel proud in my mind, but my heart remains deaf?

“Let’s start with this, and healing will gradually come.” The doctor first makes a diagnosis, and only then begins treatment.”

“An obscene thought is recognized immediately, but to recognize the thought of pride, sobriety is needed. For example, if during prayer an obscene thought appears in your mind, you will recognize it and immediately drive it away: “Well, get out of here.” But if in church the thought comes to you that you have read the Psalter well, then you need sobriety in order to recognize it and drive it away.

– But in most cases, the thought of pride appears in the blink of an eye. How can you bring a humble thought to mind?

– You need to prepare in advance. “Be prepared and not be embarrassed”(Ps. 118, 60), says the prophet David. Thoughts of pride come with lightning speed - this is an old trick of the devil. And you use another trick - constantly cultivate humble thoughts in order to overtake him.

Only humble thoughts bring humility, and only with humility does pride go away…»

“External pride is noticeable and therefore easy to heal. A person who has outward pride can be recognized by his clothes, by his gait, and by his conversation. But it happens that you say a few words to him, and, you see, he begins to improve. And hidden pride is very insidious and therefore difficult to heal. She hides deeply, those around her do not see, and only an experienced person is able to recognize her. It is mainly people of spiritual life who suffer from hidden pride. Outwardly, they may seem humble and pious, but in their souls they hide such pride that be healthy! So, a tangalashka can be dressed in rags...

– Geronda, what can help me recognize hidden pride and how to fight to get rid of it?

– Let’s imagine that you are working zealously and your thought tells you that you are doing something great, that you are a virtuous person. If so, then you have pride, but you hide it. If you look closely, you will see that the satisfaction you feel is false. For hidden pride to go away, you need to hate this lie and drive it away from yourself. People abhor those who have outward pride, and this helps them improve. And those who have inner, hidden pride, in order to get rid of it, must themselves be disgusted with themselves. Also, if you give others the right to make comments to you, then you also help yourself, because hidden pride comes out, becomes obvious, and then gradually disappears.”

“Pride, selfishness, vanity are one and the same passion, only in its different shades and manifestations. The satanic degree of pride is called arrogance.

Selfishness is the disobedient son of pride. An egoist always stands his ground. But just like trees that, without bending under the pressure of the wind, eventually break, so the egoist breaks his forehead because he does not give in. Selfishness is a great evil! Although the egoist does not find peace, he still stands his ground! For example, Arius. His mother told him: “So many people say that you are wrong, don’t you understand?” “I know,” he answered, “but I can’t obey their opinion?” Arius' selfishness did not allow him to admit his mistake...

When your egoism is hurt, you don’t need to rush to its aid. Leave him alone and let him die. If egoism dies, then the soul will be resurrected.

– How does egoism die?

“We must bury our “I”, let it rot and turn into fertilizer, so that humility and love can grow on it.”

“A person who thinks highly of himself is in the darkness of pride and has neither spiritual health nor vision, and therefore cannot discern the talents that other people have. How can high thoughts come from God if he is busy thinking high thoughts about himself? If Christ turns just one little screw in our heads, we will immediately begin to talk nonsense. What kind of high opinion of yourself is there?

He who has a high opinion of himself is beside himself; such a person is mad. You need to smoothly descend to the ground to find yourself, otherwise you will still be floating in the clouds and wasting gasoline!”

“When we cease to understand that we succeed with God’s help, and begin to think that we achieve everything ourselves, then God takes away His grace so that we understand that ours are only desire and effort, and strength and results depend on God. As soon as we realize that we are succeeding with God’s help, our eyes immediately open, we humble ourselves, cry about our fall, God takes pity on us, again gives His grace, and we move on...

As soon as a person has the thought that he is something, the Grace of God immediately departs. What does the Grace of God have in common with pride? God is humility. And when the Grace of God departs, the devil comes and darkens a person’s mind. Then a person may experience an external attack from demons, but spiritual darkness forms inside him.

The proud one does not have the Grace of God, and therefore there is a danger that he - God forbid - may fall into a great fall. Such a person is separated from God, because pride is a bad conductor, an insulator that does not allow Divine Grace to reach a person and separates us from God.”

Archimandrite Gabriel (Urgebadze) (1929-1995): “A man is impudent who does not see his sins and thinks a lot about himself. All those who are proud and vain in heart are vile in the sight of God.”

Elder Nikolai Guryanov (1910-2002):“The cornerstone of spiritual life is humility. A proud person, even if he has many virtues, is unpleasant to God and cannot be saved. Therefore, it is saving to humble yourself; humility heals the greatest mental illnesses.”

Hieromonk Anatoly (Kyiv) (1957–2002):“The Lord Himself heals (humbles) the proud and vain with sorrows and illnesses...”

“Don’t be external,” Father reproached. “What you do there goes there (Father pointed to the sky), and from there it rains down on us (on Father’s shoulders).”

…Deny yourself. And this means - consider all your understandings as nothing. Don’t trust yourself to death – this is what Elder John of Valaam teaches. And the Lord says: “ Blessed are the poor in spirit, for to them is the Kingdom of Heaven" And the Savior raises to perfection gradually and indicates the measure. " Unless he hates his own soul, My disciple cannot be" Notice your own, not your neighbor. That's the point. Humility is the way of thinking in the Gospel. And in order to know the Gospel, it is not enough to read it, you must live according to the Gospel, i.e. put the gospel into action. For the goal of Christian life is the acquisition of the Holy Spirit. This is the connection of man with God. This is love. The height of perfection, which means fulfillment of the law... Applying your own standards to spiritual things is not safe and harmful. You need to clear your mind, i.e. to gain spiritual vision in order to see the true meaning of phenomena and things...

Do not rise up like Capernaum, for you have been cast down to hell by the Hand of God. Fear arrogance and vanity like the fire of hell. Remember we are all clay. It's good if it's suitable for plaster. And whoever wants to be greater must become a slave and servant of all. Don't seek to be obeyed or loved. Because this is the wrong way. Love yourself and do good. Don't think that you are doing something great. We are simply uncontrollable slaves, who, even if we have done everything commanded, say: “We are the worst of sinners.” May the Lord make you all wise to come to the knowledge of the Truth through the fulfillment of the Gospel. And learn the main virtue, which no longer disappears, for it is the fulfillment of the law. And this is possible only through humility. “Humble yourself and save me, Lord”.

...Everything about us is unnatural – our exaggerated “I”. Let it burst, for it is given to us from the opposite, and it came from the depths of the underworld. Bear each other's burdens and thus fulfill the law of Christ. Yes, remember what is written on the Christian banner: “Whoever wants to be first must be everyone’s slave.”

Venerable Anthony the Great (251-356) about vanity: “Our Lord, moved by compassion for our souls, says in the Holy Gospel: woe to you when they speak good words about you and glorify you, and you do not seek the glory of God(Luke 6:26; John 5:44). So, let us strive even to the point of death, resisting vanity and cutting off its worst branches, so as not to be brought to destruction. Flee from vanity; for many perished by it. It motivates a person to do many works - fasting, prayers, repeated nightly vigils, alms distributed in front of people and much like that; but with all this he will achieve nothing other than shame and reproach. Let us not try to show off anything, especially great, in ourselves, so as not to perish because of this, and not to get entangled in numerous branches of vanity, because The demons of vanity are extremely numerous. Let us strive more zealously to acquire the glory of the saints, as well as their poverty, in order to receive that sweet praise of God): Blessed are the poor in spirit, for to them is the kingdom of heaven(Matt. 5, 3).

There are many in our race who have not received that power that brings sweetness to the soul, and fills it day by day with greater and greater joy and joy, and ignites Divine warmth in it. They are deceived by an evil spirit because they perform their deeds for show before people. But you, having brought the fruits of your labors before the face of the Lord, try to move away from the spirit of vanity, and constantly wage war against it, so that the Lord will accept your fruits that you bring before Him and send down to you the strength that is given to His chosen ones. Do not cease to resist this evil spirit; for when a person begins good deeds and a wonderful feat, this spirit also runs up to enter into a part with him, or to completely turn him away from such undertakings. He does not tolerate anyone acting righteously, and opposes everyone who wants to be faithful to the Lord. He does not allow many to practice virtue at all, while for others he interferes between their deeds and destroys their fruits, teaching them to perform virtues and perform deeds of mercy, mixing vanity into them. People think about such people that they are enriched with fruits, whereas they have none at all - but look like a fig tree, which they thought had a lot of sweet fruits on it when they looked at it from afar; When they came closer, they found nothing on it. God withers them because He does not find any good fruit on them, and not only deprives them of the incomparable sweetness of His Divinity. But, having embarked on a feat, try to resist the spirit of vanity - resist it and overcome it. The power of God will come, bring you help and stay with you, and at all times will give you zeal and warmth, which is nothing dearer.

Do not be a lover of glory and do not hold self-praise in your heart, saying: I did this and that, I succeeded in this and that, such thoughts breathe vanity, and whoever is filled with them has become the dwelling place of unclean spirits.

Don’t tell anyone in advance about the good deed you intend to do, but do it.

When you give alms, do not show it off.

If you indulge in spiritual exploits, do not boast about it.

When you perform any acts of virtue, do not become arrogant and do not say to yourself: I did this and that, because if you do this, you will not be wise.”

Venerable Neil of Sinai:“A vain monk – an unpaid worker – carries out the work, but does not receive any reward.”

Venerable John Climacus (649):“Whoever exalts himself with natural gifts, that is, wit, understanding, skill in reading and pronunciation, quickness of mind and other abilities that we have acquired without difficulty, will never receive supernatural benefits, for he who is unfaithful in little things is also unfaithful and vain in many things.”

“Every person who loves to show off himself is vain. The fast of a vain person remains without reward, and his prayer is fruitless, for he does both for human praise” (Lestv. 22:7).

“The Lord often hides from our eyes those virtues that we have acquired; the person who praises us, or, better said, who misleads us, opens our eyes with praise; and as soon as they are opened, then the wealth of virtue disappears” (Lestv. 22, 10).

Elder George, Zadonsk recluse (1789-1836):“What does the word vanity mean? This is how I understand it: it is a two-syllable word; it is composed of two meanings: vain and glory; From this it is clear that a vain person loves vain glory and in this he delights in the feeling of arrogant pride...

We need a test or temptation for our salvation: can I assure myself that I do not like to be vain? Here it is necessary to withstand reproach and contempt from people, and if the heart is not offended, then the right philosophizes in the Lord and does not seek its own glory. And if he is embarrassed by reproaches, then from this his cowardice and passion for human glory are known, and at the same time his unbelief is also exposed.”

Saint Theophan the Recluse (1815-1894):“And you... are vain, as you wrote. This is on the enemy side. Vanity is the fruit of his field. It is such that grace departs for it. Watch out. This feeling is the most dangerous. Work hard to deepen the feeling that you are nothing. And what did you decide to be proud of?! With tears! Tears are crying about sins. When vanity comes due to tears, you turn your gaze to sin... and say to your soul: see what you have done? Is there anything to be proud of here?! If you do this sincerely, then instead of vanity you will perceive bitter contrition, which you always try to have under your tears.

Are you asking how to uproot vanity? Vanity must be torn out internally, not externally. Without this, dig a deep hole, to the very center of the earth, and hide - vanity will find food for itself there. We must strengthen the fear of God and confirm our walk before God. The fire of God's presence will burn away vanity».

Elder in the world Alexey Mechev (1859-1923):"Against vanity: doing good is our duty».

Elder John (Alekseev) (1873-1958):“Know that reproach and shame, although unpleasant to endure, are very useful and saving for us; If you listen to yourself more strictly, you will learn by experience. We must be afraid of praise, because it fosters vanity and conceit; woe if praise comes before deeds.”

Hegumen Nikon (Vorobiev) (1894-1963):“It is common for every person to vanity that it literally permeates the entire person, from the external to the most intimate depths. But at the same time, it is the most poisonous property, and with it it is impossible to make any progress in spiritual life. It is necessary to belittle and then destroy it, in any case, you need to constantly monitor yourself and suppress any manifestation of vanity with heartfelt contrition (sigh to the Lord with all your heart: “Lord, here again the serpent has raised its head”), drive it away with anger and call to the Lord: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. I don’t want, I don’t accept, free me from him, grant me to see my sins”...

Reproach yourself for any violation of the slightest commandment of God, not allowing any self-justification. Remember the Savior's commandment: So you too, when you have done all that is commanded to you, say that you are servants without keys. But not only do we not keep all the commandments, but we also fail to fulfill any of them properly, and we are ready to be proud and conceited at every step.

...Trust not in yourself, but in the Lord, not only in big things, but also in small things. Without the Lord, we cannot do anything truly good and useful for ourselves, and what seems good, according to the firm word of Mark the Ascetic, will later turn out to be harmful (that is, everything that is done without prayer and asking for help from the Lord).

You write: “I ask your saints. prayers." Those prayers are holy, which come from a reverent, contrite and humble heart, and Pharisees’ (proud and vain) prayers are not only not holy, but an abomination before God.”

Elder Schema-Hegumen Savva (1898-1980):“If only there was no vanity in anything! Vanity is worse than pride. This is such a subtle, hidden, disastrous passion! Because of vanity, grace departs from a person».

Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets (1924-1994):“When we strive to rise in the eyes of people, we feel emptiness inside - the fruit of vanity. After all, Christ does not come into emptiness, but into the heart of a renewed person. Unfortunately, often people of spiritual life often strive to acquire virtue, but they also want to have something that would feed their pride - social recognition, privileges, etc. This is how emptiness appears in their souls, the emptiness of vanity. There is no completeness, no heartfelt joy. And the more vanity grows in them, the more the emptiness in their soul increases and the more they suffer.

- Geronda, what causes the heaviness that I experience in my work?

– You don’t strive with humility. He who strives with humility does not encounter difficulties in his work. But when a person has spiritual aspirations, accompanied by vanity, then heaviness arises in the soul. The remaining passions do not hinder us so much in our spiritual ascent if we humbly call upon the mercy of God. But when the tangalashka catches us with vanity, then blindfolds us and forces us to follow him along a narrow and dangerous path, then we feel heaviness in our souls, because we are in the area of ​​action of the tangalashka’s forces.

Spiritual life is not like worldly life. In worldly life, in order for, for example, any enterprise to be successful, it is necessary to make good advertising, distribute these, whatever it is, booklets, try to make people know about you. But in spiritual life, the “enterprise” will be successful only if a person hates worldly fame.

- Geronda, how to drive away vanity thoughts?

– Rejoice in things that are opposite to those that worldly people strive for. Only by having aspirations opposite to the worldly can one act in the realm of the spirit. If you want to be loved, be happy when they don’t pay attention to you. If you want a place of honor, sit on the bench. If you seek praise, love humiliation in order to feel the love of the humble Jesus. If you seek glory, strive for dishonor in order to experience the glory of God. And when you feel the glory of God, then you will feel happy and will have within you a joy greater than the joys of the whole world.”

Holy Scripture on Pride

“An arrogant man, like fermenting wine, does not rest, so he expands his soul like hell, and like death he is insatiable.”(Hab.2, 5).

"Do not be a wise man in your own eyes"(Prov. 3, 7).

“When pride comes, so does shame; but with the humble is wisdom.”(Proverbs 11:2).

“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”(Proverbs 16, 18).

“Pride of the eyes and arrogance of the heart, which characterizes the wicked, is sin.”(Proverbs 21:4).

“Do not exalt yourself, lest you fall and bring dishonor to your soul...

Pride is hateful to both the Lord and people, and is criminal against both...

The beginning of pride is the removal of a person from the Lord and the retreat of his heart from his Creator;

for the beginning of sin is pride, and he who possesses it spews out abomination;

and for this the Lord sends terrible punishments on him and finally overthrows him...

Pride was not made for men, nor the fury of wrath for those born of women.”(Sir.1, 30; 10, 7, 14-16, 21).

“Trials do not serve as medicine for the proud, because the evil plant has taken root in him.”(Sir.3, 28).

“Hear, O heavens, and listen, O earth, for the Lord says: I raised and elevated my sons, but they rebelled against Me.

The ox knows its owner, and the donkey its master's manger; But Israel does not know Me, My people do not understand.

Alas, a sinful people, a people burdened with iniquities, a tribe of evildoers, sons of destruction! They forsook the Lord, despised the Holy One of Israel, and turned back.

What else should we hit you with if you continue your stubbornness? The whole head is full of ulcers, and the whole heart is withered.

From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head there is no healthy place: ulcers, spots, festering wounds, uncleansed, and not bandaged, and not softened with oil...

Bear no more vain gifts: smoking is disgusting to Me; New moon and Saturdays, holiday gatherings I can’t stand: lawlessness - and celebration!

And when you stretch out your hands, I close My eyes from you; and when you multiply your prayers, I do not hear: your hands are full of blood.

Wash yourself, make yourself clean; remove your evil deeds from before my eyes; stop doing evil;

learn to do good, seek truth, save the oppressed, defend the orphan, stand up for the widow.

Then come and let us reason together, says the Lord. Though your sins be as scarlet, they will be as white as snow; if they are red as crimson, they will be white as wool.

If you want and obey, you will eat the blessings of the earth.

But if you deny and persist, the sword will devour you: for the mouth of the Lord speaks” (Is. 1; 2-6, 13, 15-20).

“But to all apostates and sinners is destruction, and those who have forsaken the Lord will be destroyed.

The proud views of man will droop, and the lofty things of mankind will be humbled; and the Lord alone will be exalted in that day.

For the day of the Lord of hosts is coming on everything that is proud and arrogant and on everything that is exalted, and it will be humiliated.

And human greatness will fall, and human loftiness will be humbled; and the Lord alone will be exalted in that day."(Isa. 1, 28; 2, 11-12, 17).

“Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and understanding in themselves!”(Is.5, 21) .

« Is the ax greater than the one who cuts with it? Is the saw proud of the one who moves it? It’s as if the rod is rebelling against the one who lifts it..."(Isa.10, 15).

"I will put an end to the arrogance of the proud"(Is.13, 11).

“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble”(1 Pet.5, 5).

“If you are arrogant, then remember that it is not you who holds the root, but the root of you.”(Rom. 11, 18).

“Don’t be arrogant, ... don’t dream about yourself”(Rom. 12:16).

Sources:

1. Archimandrite Sophrony (Sakharov) “Seeing God as He is” St. John the Baptist Monastery, 2006.
2. "Conversations of the great Russian elders about the Orthodox faith, the salvation of the soul and various issues of spiritual life." Publishing house CJSC "Circulation-51", 2004.
3. “Great Russian elders. Lives, miracles, spiritual instructions." M.: Trifonov Pechenga Monastery, “New Book”, “Ark”, 2001.
4. “Philokalia. In five volumes." Kramatorsk, Publishing house "Circulation-51", 2009.
5. “Soul Healer. Holy Fathers to the laity." Spaso-Preobrazhensky Mgarsky Monastery, 2005.
6. Hegumen Nikon (Vorobiov) “Letters to spiritual children.” Lviv. 2002
7. “The ladder leading up to heaven our venerable father John the Climacus, abbot of Mount Sinai.” M.: "Artos-Media", 2007.
8. “Let the merciful be shown mercy.” Hieromonk Anatoly 1957 – (03.09/16.10) 2002. Kyiv, 2007
9. “Wise advice to those seeking salvation according to the letters of St. Theophan from the Vyshensky retreat.” Spaso-Preobrazhensky Mgarsky Monastery, 2001.
10. “Letters of the Valaam elder schema-abbot John to his spiritual children.” M.: “Image”, 2006.
11. Venerable Macarius of Optina “The word is for your benefit. Collection of letters." M.: Sretensky Monastery Publishing House, 2006.
12. “The path of non-dreaming doing. Abbess Arsenia and schema-nun Ardalion", 2012.
13. “With love in the Lord, your D.O.S. Biography of the elder schema-abbot Savva. Kramatorsk Publishing house "Circulation-51", 2009. Saint Demetrius of Rostov “Spiritual Alphabet”. Holy Dormition Pochaev Lavra.
14. Saint Demetrius of Rostov “Spiritual Alphabet”. Holy Dormition Pochaev Lavra.
15. Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk “Spiritual Staff, selected passages from the works of the Archpastor.” Holy Trinity Monastery of Jonah, Kiev, 2010.
16. Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt “My life in Christ or moments of spiritual sobriety and contemplation, reverent feeling, spiritual correction and peace in God.” M., 2005
17. Priest Alexander Elchaninov “Records”. M.: “Father's House”, “Native Word”, Simferopol, 2014.
18. Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets "Words". T.5. “Passion and Virtues”, Kramatorsk, “Circulation-51”, 2009.

Prepared by L. Ochai

Pieter Bruegel the Elder Pride and Vanity

– Psychology of vanity – what is it? How is it formed?

– It is important to note that with this formulation of the problem (“the psychology of vanity”), there is a mixture of two discourses – psychological and religious. Vanity is a term from a spiritual context, understood as passion or sin; we undertake to discuss it in the psychological field. And if we talk about the psychological content of vanity, then first we should define this concept.

For example, we read on Wikipedia: “Vanity is the desire to look great in the eyes of others, the need to confirm one’s superiority, sometimes accompanied by the desire to hear flattery from other people.” This is the need for vain glory, glory from people. And this need - for praise, admiration, attention to oneself - is indeed largely a psychological phenomenon that can be discussed, among other things, as a phenomenon not only of a spiritual nature.

And this need may have several reasons. There is such a thing as character accentuation. There are several types of accentuations, one of them is hysterical, and for people who have this accentuation, an insatiable need for attention to themselves is the main character trait.

It happens that this type of character manifests itself from early childhood. In this sense, we can conditionally speak of innateness. For example, a child cannot stand it when someone else is praised next to him, or he quickly gets tired of doing something, gets tired of new toys, it is important for him to always be the center of attention. Growing up, such children often show good artistic abilities; at school, in clubs, they participate in theatrical productions, publicly read poetry, sing, and perform.

This does not mean that all those who love the stage have a hysterical type of character, but hysteroids have a great need for this. That is, in some cases, it is simply congenital; there are even studies that show that in adolescents, 2-3% of adolescents have such an accentuation, more often in female adolescents.

Another reason lies in childhood trauma. Every child has an innate, strong need for attention, a need for love, a desire to be appreciated for who he is, of course, regardless of what he does. This is a normal, universal reality. And if a child does not receive enough of this unconditional love, he does not have this basic feeling that I am important, loved and needed for who I am, then subsequently a need may develop to confirm himself, to “get” this love in such a slightly crooked way - through desire praise and glory. They praise me - I am good, valuable, necessary; they don’t praise me - it’s as if I’m not there, because no one notices me.

This is one of the typical consequences of childhood psychological trauma, when a person has not formed a basic, value-based attitude towards himself. Trauma is not necessarily an accident, war, fire, etc., for a child, a lack of love and unconditional acceptance is also a disaster, especially if it lasts for many years, day after day.

A child’s attitude towards himself is formed through the way his loved ones treat him, only then does it move to the internal plane, interiorize - the external turns into the internal. First, a person is guided by how his parents treat him, then his peers; at primary school age, the figure of the teacher becomes very important, and how others treat me, then goes into the internal plane, I know what I am like, how I relate to to yourself.

If I have not formed a basic attitude towards myself, an understanding that I am good in myself, regardless of what I do, then there is a need to constantly confirm from the outside that I am good.

As a rule, many of us grow up in a situation of conditional love: when you did well, well done, the emotional message “I love you”; did something bad - different reactions: coldness, rejection, anger. There is no distinction between a person and an action, there is no attitude towards the child that you are loved in any case, and what you do can be good or bad. And then the basic value attitude towards oneself is not formed.

It is difficult to talk about any pathology here, including spiritual, because one can only feel sorry for such a person. Almost every client who finds himself in a psychologist's office brings this phenomenon of dislike.

– What can parents be advised to distinguish between a child’s actions and personality?

– In our country, unfortunately, many Soviet parents read harmful pedagogical literature, which says, for example, that you cannot carry children in your arms, pay a lot of attention, that this is supposedly pampering - such harmful pedagogy. There is one classic answer here, a classic formula given by Carl Rogers, the founder of humanistic psychotherapy: “I love you, but what you do upsets me.” I came across the following formulation from the Holy Fathers: love a person, do not condemn a person, but condemn sin.

It is very important to distinguish between a person and an action, personality and manifestations. I need to keep this in my mind all the time, to understand that if I now turn away from the child, this can have serious consequences. For a child, emotional rejection is tantamount to a serious catastrophe; he cannot yet, as an adult, understand that there may be a series of reasons - problems with his mother, some bad day, or something else. He takes everything very literally - the world has turned its back on me, I’m bad.

The basic emotional message to the child is important: you are valuable to me, important, desired. There should be such a message: you are good, I love you, you are needed and important, and actions can be treated differently. If this exists, then an atmosphere of safety is created, which is very important for the development of the child.

Don't denounce the hysteroid

– If we have a sad situation, when an adult disliked person has already formed, then what psychological and behavioral deviations can develop from vanity?

– If we talk about accentuation, in particular about hysterical accentuation, then it is common for a person to repress unpleasant facts and events. It is impossible for consciousness to accept that something is wrong with me, to recognize some kind of negative in myself - it is like a disaster. This is a feature of accentuation, when there is such an insatiable hunger for incessant, constant attention to oneself. There is an unstable attitude towards oneself, but there are no resources to accept oneself holistically, including one’s not best sides.

And the psyche works by defense, repression - the person is simply not aware, he simply sincerely does not see any of his shortcomings. Not because he is lying, not because he is deliberately using ostrich politics, turning a blind eye, but because repression is triggered, and this is an unconscious mechanism.

It is difficult to communicate with such people, because any indication of some shortcoming causes rejection, conflict, irritation - the person cannot accept criticism. I am reminded of the Proverbs of Solomon (9:8): “Do not rebuke the wicked, lest they hate you: reprove the wise, and he will love you.” It’s the same here: don’t denounce the hysteroid, because he will hate you. If the hysterical accentuation is very pronounced, there are problems with a critical attitude towards oneself, then such a person is practically unable to conduct a genuine dialogue.

It happens that a person begins to lie, fantasize, pretend, and this is not a lie in the full sense of the word. For hysterics, this happens almost unconsciously; every time the person sincerely believes that he is telling the truth, again, because he has many unconscious defense mechanisms that do not allow him not to play.

A person needs to play to the public all the time, the need for attention is dominant, it determines everything, it captures the person, and all other needs fade into the background or background. To satisfy this need for attention, a person goes to various means, sometimes unconsciously, just to be in the center of attention.

It is also often completely unbearable for a person when attention is not given to him. In teenagers this manifests itself especially clearly - it’s better to get at least some attention to me, even if it’s bad, than not to be noticed. This sometimes explains deviant behavior in adolescence, at least this is one of the reasons. If children are misbehaving, it is worth considering whether they receive enough attention.

It’s often like this in families: when everything is fine, the parents are calm and practically do not pay attention to the child. Five - well done, cleaned the room - good, but as soon as something bad happens, just streams of attention pour out. This attention has a minus sign - the child is scolded, educated, fussed over, visited by doctors and teachers - but there is a lot of this attention. And here the conclusion is clear: of course, it is better to pay attention to the good, and not wait until the child screams through some hooligan actions: look at me, give me at least some attention.

A hysterical person may resort to adventurism and some sophisticated forms of attracting attention. Such an upstart. This can even be taken as some kind of creativity or originality, but usually there is nothing deep behind it - hysterics have problems with deep feelings. There are a lot of superficial emotions, a lot of expression, a lot of pronounced manifestations, but in close communication with them it is quite boring. There is no depth, no serious position of its own. Such people can be very attractive and interesting at first glance, but when you start communicating with them closer, everything fades away.

– What can this lead to, what are the consequences of such behavior?

– Such a person, by and large, turns out to be very lonely. It is difficult for him to establish close, intimate, spiritual relationships, because in order to enter into intimacy, he needs to open up. Intimacy requires openness, the ability to show not only your good sides, but also your bad ones. A true friend knows your bad sides. A confessor with whom you have serious intimacy also knows your different sides.

But here access to a real person is extremely difficult, either this is done consciously or unconsciously. Much is repressed, there is no particular depth.

It’s a serious problem when attention to yourself determines all areas of life. A person is happy only as long as there is attention, but it cannot be 24 hours a day, and as soon as this attention is gone, the end of the world comes. This is the main dominant human need, which cannot be fully satisfied. This doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

I want to emphasize that we are now focusing on the difficulties of people with a certain type of character, this does not mean at all that these are some kind of flawed or doomed people diagnosed with “vanity”, because they were born with such an accentuation. Each character type has its own strengths and weaknesses, but now we are discussing the type whose weakness is the need for attention, because this is the subject of our conversation today. Many hysterical people, for example, are very talented. The issue is the accents.

Usually, a person with other types of character accentuation, when the hysterical traits are not so sharply sharpened, has other areas of life that are also important. That is, life does not revolve around the need for attention and fame, even if there is a serious lack of self-acceptance and the need for confirmation of one's value from the outside. He has this problem, like every person, there are some weak points, but this is one of them, that is, there is no capture by the need for attention.

I'm not like that publican

A classic example is the Pharisee, and Pharisaism in general as an example of vanity. Everything is done for show, it is not clear what is inside. As Christ says: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, for you are like whitewashed tombs, which on the outside appear beautiful, but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and all uncleanness” (Matthew 23:27). It’s not clear what’s going on inside, but everything is fine outside – a classic example.

And another important feature of Pharisaism, according to the parable of the publican and the Pharisee - I not only thank God that I am so good, pay tithes and so on, but I also not like that, How this publican. That is, I humiliate him, putting myself above. To assert myself, I need, like a teenager, to put everyone around me down, and then I will feel that I am a hero. Humiliating another person in order to feel like a star. Moreover, this happens in the face of God.

– Does this happen involuntarily or consciously?

– A person may be completely unaware that he is humiliating others, not see it at all, and then it is difficult to talk about arbitrary sin. It’s another matter when a person is of sound mind and sober memory, with And depriving himself, nevertheless he goes for it. This is probably what happens when a person feeds his passion, indulges it, as the Holy Fathers say. “I know that I have this feature, but I don’t care, I’ll go and assert myself at the expense of others, humiliate the other, and it will be good for me.” And here, be that as it may - trauma is not trauma, accentuation is not accentuation - there is a moment of arbitrariness, and we can talk about sin, because it is in the hands of man.

– If a person was humiliated in childhood, will this then give rise to a response, perhaps unconscious, in the future?

– Here we return to the topic of dislike. The reaction may be different, some may take the form of revenge, yes. The fact is that we largely adopt the relationship models in which we grew up. A person develops a certain pattern, a stereotype of interaction. For example, a person grew up in a family in which he was humiliated all the time, and he knows what it's like. It’s the same with the children of alcoholics, who then either don’t drink at all or will enter into the same relationship, for example, choosing a husband who drinks, because they know what it’s like, they’re used to it.

You may not like this, but the person doesn’t really know how it could be different, so he unknowingly plays out the same scenario.

Many psychological phenomena are built on this mechanism, when the same relationship scenario is repeated. For example, very often girls come to psychotherapy and complain: I have one, another, third young man, and it’s always the same thing, the relationship develops according to the same scenario. But a person simply grew up in a certain model of relationships, and then loses this model.

A response after humiliation in childhood can also be built on this mechanism: I was offended, I got used to living in the model of victim-persecutor, or tyrant-victim, and then I continue to live in this model. And it doesn’t matter here - I will remain a victim, and they will tyrannize me, or there will be a changeling - I will tyrannize, and others next to me will be victims. The problem is that it is difficult to enter a new relationship model.

Reciprocal humiliation is not always special revenge; often it is just a habitual way of relationships. And this is also not always realized; a person notices that something is wrong only by the fruits, when there are many repeating plots, for example, the same love relationships. Again the same plot, again the same scenario: at first he liked me, then we met for two months, then he suddenly disappeared, without explanation. One disappeared, the other disappeared, why do they disappear? What's the matter?

Or some terrible stories when there was a love, a relationship, and then the man began to abuse the woman - cruelty, beating, manipulation, use. A woman thinks that it will be better with another, but the other is the same. A typical plot of a codependency problem.

People see almost some kind of magic in this: I attract such people. Or: God sends these to me. But God has nothing to do with it. This is just a psychological reality, not a spiritual one. A person really attracts such relationships because for him this is a familiar way of existing.

If we talk about the psychology of trauma, then trauma tends to repeat itself. If there was a trauma in childhood, in particular domestic violence, not necessarily a one-time event, a tyrant father, for example, then later a person wants to get rid of the trauma, this is how the body is biologically structured. But in order to get rid of it, a person needs to relive this trauma again. The problem is that a person repeats the same traumatic scenario, and deliverance does not happen.

This happens, for example, with accidents - a person gets into an accident, and then gets into them regularly, because unconsciously he plays it out again and again. Or a person comes after the war, and all the time he finds himself in some kind of showdown, like in the war, because he already knows how it is in the war, and he needs to repeat this plot in order to free himself from those traumatic experiences.

We have gone very far from vanity, but for our topic this moment of repetition mechanisms is important.

Actually I'm cool

– And if a person is too helpful, attentive, overly eager to please, is this normal, or is this also suspicious behavior?

– It happens that this is the other side of the phenomenon of codependency. A person is so afraid of facing some kind of criticism that he deliberately behaves extremely politely. Most often this is a post-traumatic reality - a lack of basic good attitude. Thus, a person acquires this attitude towards himself, does whatever he wants, just so that there are no conflicts, just so that there is no stern look, a raised eyebrow, or some kind of emotionally unwarm attitude.

This is suspicious, because here it is difficult to talk about a free, mature personality that can express itself. A person always takes a serving position: just so that you feel good, just so that you don’t get angry with me, just so that you treat me well. This is a dependence on how others treat me, and behind this there is a lack of one’s own stable position, a stable self-attitude. My attitude towards myself is equal to how others treat me. Can you imagine how difficult it is, a person does not know what he is - good, bad, he can only focus on others. Normally, a stable self-attitude, independent of the opinions of others, is gradually formed in adolescence.

This is a question of identity that an adult should have. If it is neither shaky nor shaky or not at all, then my identity is equal to how others look at me. I don’t have my own support, my own ground under my feet, my own understanding: who I am, what I am, I don’t have a clear identity, I understand what I am only from the looks of others. It’s not particularly interesting to communicate with such people, and most importantly, it’s very difficult for them themselves.

– What is inadequate and unstable self-esteem, how does it manifest itself in contrast to healthy self-esteem?

– There is a myth that self-esteem can be either high or low, and in the middle it is normal. In fact, this scale is not like that: on one side there is both high and low self-esteem, and on the other - normal. Simply put, there is a sick self-esteem, and there is a healthy one, and the one that is sick is either high or low.

When a person says about himself: “I am the worst, I am nothing of myself,” then behind this there is an opposite opinion: “In fact, I think about myself that I am very cool, but there is a fear that this will not be confirmed , and I need to demonstratively say all the time how terrible I am in order to be supported.” Behind this lies, again, a sick, unstable identity and self-attitude.

And the same thing with high self-esteem: if a person walks around and shouts to everyone that he is a star, it means he lacks the feeling of being a star, normal, good, he needs to confirm this all the time.

When there is personal maturity, which includes self-acceptance, knowledge of the real self, then there is healthy, normal self-esteem. With high or low self-esteem, it is usually difficult to truly know oneself; a person is constantly chattering - either I’m terrible, or I’m wonderful.

In the case of healthy self-esteem, a person does not have the problem of being preoccupied with it; this is not a dominant topic for him - it does not bother him, it does not hurt. A person knows his strengths and weaknesses, accepts himself in different ways, treats himself calmly and evenly.

– Is it possible to somehow move towards healthy self-esteem and learn this?

– I will never say that someone is hopeless or that development is impossible, that would be untrue. Who can give up on a person? Just as in spiritual life, any person before death can convert, so in psychological reality. Of course, there are people who have a harder time changing, while others have more resources and potential for this.

Another thing is that this is such a basic, very serious problem - self-acceptance, attitude towards yourself. This is a very pressing problem - the loss of a value-based attitude towards oneself. I have been thinking about this for many years and can only carefully express my assumptions, nurtured from the experience of psychotherapeutic practice, as well as personal experience.

The basic reason for painful self-esteem, a low-value attitude towards oneself, as we said, is a lack of love. What to do? You need the experience of love. And here, no matter how much you say, no matter how many books you read, as a rule, your head doesn’t grasp it. Very often people come to psychotherapy: “I understand everything with my mind, but I can’t do anything.” As the Apostle Paul says: “I do not do the good that I want, but the evil that I do not want, I do.” Perhaps this is a general human reality, unfortunately.

When moving towards self-acceptance, you need experience meetings with love, so it seems to me. There was no experience of meeting love at the level of feelings, at the level of the entire heart being, which means you need to find it, live it. Here, of course, you can criticize me: “Well, now, until they love me, I won’t become better?” Indeed, we often encounter such an infantile position: no one loves me, that’s why I’m so unhappy. But I think the main candidate for the way out is to seek an encounter with the love of God.

If a person is not religious, it may be a little more difficult; you need to build a construct of self-acceptance, self-love, as psychologists say - to raise your own parent, who will adopt you. A line of psychotherapeutic work where an inner parent is built who will love and accept your inner child. This path is also possible, and not necessarily only within the framework of psychotherapy.

But, of course, as a believer, I am closer to moving towards meeting the love of God. And here it is also important to accept yourself, because if I hate myself, it is very difficult for me to see how God loves me. And of course, it is important to understand that there is an action of grace when God Himself intervenes in a person’s life. This is a separate, global topic.

Priests often advise: “Go and love your neighbor.” I think what is meant is that if I go and learn to show another person unconditional love, which perhaps I do not have for myself, then this experience can then be transferred to myself.

But over the years, I have come more and more to the idea that there is a kind of trinity: the way I treat myself is the same way I treat people, and in a sense, the same way I treat God. Maybe, indeed, you can pull this ball from any thread. For example, with my attitude towards other people - this can gradually change my attitude towards myself. But since I work more with people individually, it’s closer for me to start pulling this thread from the person’s attitude towards himself.

Where there are many accusations, there is self-justification

“Could it happen that when you begin to show love to others, you will end up receiving from them the love that you lacked?”

– Here, indeed, there may be two mechanisms: the first, when I go and implement this attitude towards another, and then I can relate to myself in a similar way. And we sometimes use this in psychotherapy, we try to explain: if another person acted like you, would you also scold him the way you scold yourself? Sometimes it works, a person understands: yes, if it’s someone else, I look at the situation differently. Why am I being cruel to myself?

And the second mechanism that you are talking about is that there is a chance that by showing love to another, you will meet the same attitude towards yourself, and it can be healing.

I think the healing factor is a living, real loving relationship - with God, with other people.

– If we return to vanity, are vanity and delusions of grandeur different things?

– Vanity is still a need for external glory; a person constantly needs an audience, cameras, eyes that look at him. And megalomania is when I myself am beautiful in my own right, I don’t need an audience, it doesn’t matter to me how much others confirm me. Delusions of grandeur are the upper pole of that same sick self-esteem in the direction of its overestimation, the edge when we can already move into the field of psychiatry.

Vanity needs an audience, at least somehow, but it needs people. And where there is delusion of grandeur, people are no longer needed or important at all. And here we could rather talk about pride.

– What is the difference between vanity and self-esteem?

– Self-esteem, when I just basically treat myself well and respect myself. And this is very important, since there is often a myth in the church environment that it is a sin to respect oneself and treat oneself well; on the contrary, one must humiliate oneself in every possible way. But in such a respectful, accepting attitude towards oneself, in self-esteem, unlike vanity, there is no exaltation over others, and there is no need for external confirmation.

This is something very healthy, that very healthy self-esteem, which is neither high nor low. Such a valuable attitude towards oneself.

In the case of a need for constant praise, a person has a lack of value-based attitude towards himself, he needs others. Moreover, others become for him a means to satisfy his goal.

– Shame to confess one’s sins and self-justification – manifestations of vanity?

– I would be very careful about this reduction to one denominator. It’s hardly possible to say that there is always shame in confessing sins and self-justification is vanity. There may be some other passions here, the same pride, for example, or there may be childhood traumas.

If a child was severely scolded for any negative manifestation, then it is clear that he would be terribly ashamed to go to confession. If he was shamed, he was brought up with shame: “Shame on you, how could you do this!” - and rejected him at that moment, it is clear that the child will develop a terrible fear of opening up and a very strong basic feeling of shame. He will be ashamed of everything, any self-presentation. Therefore, it is not at all necessary that this is a manifestation of vanity.

Behind self-justification also lies a lack of self-acceptance. After all, if there is self-justification, then there is also self-accusation. This is always a dialogical reality: if I need to justify myself all the time, it means that I have internal authorities that accuse me all the time. This is a dialogue, a metaphor for a court - there is an accuser, and there is a defender. Most likely, such a person has a basic feeling of guilt, the ability to blame himself all the time, and, as it were, two voices that argue with each other: one accuses, the other justifies.

Behind this, the true, personal truth, the truth about oneself, is lost. Everything is either very bad or very good. Either you are to blame for everything, or you are not to blame for anything. Both of these are not true.

– The advice to never make excuses, in this sense, what can it lead to?

– I don’t know if this can always be done arbitrarily. You don't have to make excuses out loud. But if a person has a lot of this self-accusation, this voice sounds quite loud in his soul, then where there are many accusations, there will be justification. And then you can’t mechanically stop making excuses. There is a deeper reality here when you need to work not with one excuse, but with this pair - accusation and justification. You need to try to face the truth in yourself, learn, again, to accept yourself.

Striving for success

– Healthy motivation for success and pathological motivation for success – how do they differ in life? Is the desire for success generally a correct attitude in life, is success as a goal?

– Probably, the question is in accents, in priorities. Every human activity is multi-motivated - I do some kind of work, and I can have a lot of motives. For example, there may be such a motive: I feel so guilty all the time, especially if I do nothing, that I need to do anything just so as not to feel guilty. This motive of wanting to avoid basic guilt is very powerful and can determine many activities. I will do anything just to not feel guilty.

Another motive is the desire for success. If we talk about vanity, a person does something out of a powerful need for fame, for confirmation, for feeding his painful self-esteem. A person needs to experience a situation of success all the time, only in this way can he consider himself to have value. If there is no situation of success, I am nothing. Here again we come up against identity and a value-based attitude towards oneself. Who am I?

We pray: “Our Father,” and if He is the Father, then who am I? If I know that I am a child of God, then all these questions - success or not success - cease to be so significant. But you just need to know not with your mind, but with your whole being, your gut, your skin, if you want. In our heads, we kind of know all this.

The problem is when the desire for success is the main driving motive. Then it is very difficult to talk about any career guidance. I remember one client who came with a request for career guidance. She was already about thirty, she had worked in all sorts of ways, and now she also didn’t know what she wanted to do. And so, we dug and dug, I tried to understand what she liked, what areas of activity pleased her, in the end it turned out that there were two things that determined her interests. The first is a significant other. As a rule, this is the figure of a teacher, that is, she, for example, studied singing, but the singing teacher was important to her, she went for him. And secondly, she liked publicity, she liked performing.

And then we came up with her on the topic of the need for stardom. What did a person do all his life? Fulfilled the need for success. All types of her activities - it doesn’t matter, dancing, singing, music, even some kind of managerial work - were determined by this dominant need for success. To the detriment of the search for meaning, the content of this thing that you like.

– Maybe a person just goes where he does well?

– This is a slightly different version of events, this can also happen: I will do anything just to avoid failure, as long as I do it well. There is such a strong fear of failure that if I do badly, I am nothing.

And here the question is multi-motivational: I do it because I like the content myself and plus I’m good at it, or I do it only because I can do it Not depending on whether I like it or not.

The problem begins where the desire for success is the central, dominant motive, overriding the rest. The matter itself is no longer so important, all semantic things fade into the background, there is only the task of confirmation. There is no true self, no real self-determination, no self-realization in this.

– How to interact with vain people if you have to interact with them? For example, if a vain person becomes a boss, what to expect from him and how to behave with him?

– This is such a personal choice, since, as a rule, you understand who is in front of you, what motivates him. A person says to himself: I will enter into a relationship with him in which it will be very convenient and easy for me to interact with him, I will be able to achieve a variety of goals, but at the cost of feeding his neurosis. I understand that this is his weak point, that this is his need, his praise - he will do everything. I go for it, praise him in every possible way, feed this vain part of him. As a result, we have a great relationship and everything is great. And here the manipulation is not on the part of a vain person, but by the one who is nearby.

If a vain person is a subordinate, it is easy to control him: the person must be praised, and he will do everything. This is a hook with which it is very convenient to manage people.

In the same way, it is convenient to manage people who are very guilty - they will do anything just so as not to feel guilty. And this is the road to addiction. If you find an approach, and it is not difficult to find, then a person will do a lot of things. Pay a lot of attention, put it on the honor board, compare, say, you are our best employee of the year, and he will work hard. Very convenient. But I repeat, this is a personal, value choice, a person decides for himself: I will flatter, dissemble for the sake of my goals, or I will go for a direct and honest relationship, even with the threat of conflict.

– Is conflict necessarily implied?

– I think not, but if this is a person with a sharp accentuation, and you ignore him all the time, he will simply leave, you will be an empty place for him. This requires balance and understanding of the other person's weakness. It’s cool, of course, to hit the truth straight in the face, to be super honest and hit it where it hurts. But this is not merciful.

“Bear each other’s burdens” - if you are stronger, if you see the weakness of another person, you understand that this is his dependence, his weak point, then you need to treat him with care, without lying, because surely the person has something to praise for. In general, giving each other compliments and praising each other for something really good is healthy and normal. There is no pathology or threat here. Here you need to maintain a balance with your own honesty, which does not imply the need to lash out and swear for any reason or, on the contrary, feed an addiction.

And this applies not only to vanity. Each of us has many of our own weaknesses and infirmities. If you know that a person is irritable, and you live in the same apartment with him, you can, of course, honestly tell him: “Listen, you are overcome by the passion of anger, you probably haven’t repented enough,” or: “I’m so sick of you, You always start up with a half-turn!” It will be true, but it will not be merciful.

Consider the weakness of another, and do not lead a person into temptation. You know that he is annoyed by the light in the bathroom not being turned off, well, turn off the light! Don't step on the sore spot. If you know that this person is terribly vain, take this feature into account.

What will people say

– The thought “what will they say” - there is no person who is not afraid of ridicule, public condemnation, but where are the boundaries of normal fear and pathological?

– Probably, to one degree or another, everyone has this anxiety, some have panic horror, others have mild anxiety.

I would answer the question from the point of view of clinical psychology. There are criteria for distinguishing between accentuation and personality disorder. There are three criteria: impact on all areas of life, stability over time and social maladjustment.

Impact on all areas of life. If we talk about the topic of fear - “what will they say”, then the conditionally norm is where a person is more afraid in some situations, less in others. That is, for example, when a loved one speaks, he is not afraid at all, but when he is the boss, his knees tremble. But there is no totality, it does not manifest itself in all areas of life, under all circumstances. Normally it really depends on the situation and circumstances. And a person with a personality disorder reacts to any psychogenic influences in accordance with the characteristics of his disorder. For example, he may read any dissatisfied expression on his neighbor’s face as mockery and become very frightened.

The second criterion is stability over time. At different periods of a person’s life, accentuations can manifest themselves with varying degrees of intensity. For example, a teenager reacts strongly to how they treat him, and this is normal. Or, when we have had enough sleep, feel good, and are stable, we react more calmly to criticism. And in a state of some kind of exhaustion, a critical period in life, we become more vulnerable, vulnerable, and perceive criticism more difficult. Pathology begins when this continues throughout time.

And the third criterion, especially important in our context, is what is called social maladjustment. Accentuations may or may not lead to social maladaptation, but personality disorders always lead to it. For example, I have to give a lecture in an unfamiliar audience, I’m afraid, I’m worried, but I still go and read, I don’t faint in the middle of the lecture. And with social maladaptation, this fear of “what they will say” controls me, a person changes his behavior. For example, he simply doesn’t go to a lecture.

- Gets sick.

- Yes, it could be a psychosomatic disorder, an escape into illness - as soon as I got sick. Because the situation is unbearable every time, it is impossible to cope. Moreover, I really got sick, when we talk about psychosomatics, these are not always invented diseases. Flight into illness refers precisely to real physical illness. Most often mild - for example, blood pressure, low-grade fever.

– One gets the impression that it is generally difficult for a person to cope with all this, so what should one do about going to a psychotherapist?

– I would not like to become a preacher of psychotherapy as the only salvation from all troubles. The experience of meeting love is the main candidate for the answer. If a person has a good, healthy spiritual life, in which there is a real, living relationship with God, then a lot can change. Moreover, both psychological and spiritual mechanisms will work there. Psychological in the sense that a relationship with God requires very powerful honesty both with yourself and with God: in a relationship with Him, you meet yourself with utmost honesty. And this is a psychologically very important way of healing.

If I meet my authentic self, I will know who the real me is. If I do this in the face of God, then I do not fall into the extremes of low or high self-esteem. I am not horrified by what a terrible dark spot I have on my conscience, because this is done before the gaze of His love. And I don’t fall into delusions of grandeur, because I’m small before Him.

And this is a truly spiritual life - not just the fulfillment of traditions or external rules, but a relationship of encounter with love.

– A person read our interview and realized that there was a problem—is this the first step?

- Yes, sure. If I don't see a problem, then I can't do anything. I can’t bring this problem to God, I can’t work on myself, discuss it with friends, look for ways out - I can’t do anything, because I don’t see it. This is the topic of repression or defense, when a person, for one reason or another, does not see the problem. As they say: a correctly posed question is already half the answer.

Awareness of my motives, what really drives me, what is really important to me, what I feel now - all this is a movement towards greater awareness. If I encounter the truth about myself, then I can bring it to God. In the meantime, I don’t see anything, what will I bring to Him? You can, of course, pray: heal the wounds that I myself am not aware of. But this is such a subtle spiritual reality, and what will happen is not for me to judge. If we talk from a psychological perspective, then when I see and become aware of myself, then I ask and pray differently.

Sometimes you need to meet the bottom so you can push off from it. While the alcoholic is not at rock bottom, he has no motivation to quit drinking. Until I realized that I feel very bad, I can’t live like this anymore, and if we’re talking about vanity, I can’t chase fame anymore, losing myself, until I face this pain, I won’t pray to God, I won’t want to change.

And when in general everything is clean and tidy for me: well, yes, vanity is a sin, I need to repent, Lord, help me get rid of vanity - it’s not clear, do I really want to get rid of it? When I have an acute toothache, I can no longer think about anything, but my vanity doesn’t hurt, I feel fine with it, even very pleased.

I know from myself that I often say some words according to the prayer book, they are all correct, but they are not “called from the depths”, they are outwardly pronounced. And for this to become a genuine inner impulse, including a prayerful one, there needs to be a meeting with this pain, when I can no longer live like this. Save me, save the drowning man! A cry that cannot go unheard.