Medical observation of children from socially disadvantaged families requires an assessment of the nature of chronic pathology and the degree of so-called “social failure”.

The state of health of children brought up in orphanages has been little studied to date. This problem is very urgent, since the number of orphans and children left without parental care continues to grow. In addition, the relevance of social protection and health care for children from sociopathic families is sharply increasing. The term “sociopathic family” refers to a family in which one or both parents suffer from alcoholism, are imprisoned, or have other features of an antisocial lifestyle.

A lot of attention is required from health authorities and institutions to the issues of proper organization of work in children's homes. A certain system has developed in the country that ensures the purposeful development and upbringing of children in children's homes. Many major healthcare organizers, pediatric scientists, specialists in pre-school pedagogy, workers of children's homes made a great contribution to this cause.

Today, children with mental and physical disabilities are often sent to orphanages. Many orphanages are completely redesigned to serve children with organic lesions of the central nervous system. Given the great potential of specialized institutions, in many orphanages, groups are organized for children with borderline conditions, with minimal mental retardation, who especially need individual care and medical and pedagogical correction. The results of the activities of such groups are the most favorable - many children, after appropriate treatment, are transferred to regular preschool institutions and then successfully study in general education schools.

According to the State Report “On the Situation of Children in the Russian Federation,” in 1996, for the first time since 1992, the number of identified orphans and children left without parental care did not increase - 113,243 (compared to 113,296 in 1995).

The best way out is to arrange new families for children belonging to this category. Common forms of family placement of orphans and children left without parental care are adoption and guardianship (guardianship). One of the new forms of placing a child without parental care is considered a foster family. However, so far this institution of placing children in a family is not widespread. The Regulations on the Foster Family, approved by the Resolution of the Government of the Russian Federation, largely resolved the previously existing problems: the status of the child after reaching the age of majority, the civil legal relationship of the adoptive parents with the child, the rights and obligations of the child's foster parents were determined. In 1996, 333 such families were raising 2.4 thousand children (including their own children).

According to the commissions on minors' affairs under the executive authorities of the constituent entities of the Russian Federation, in 1996 there were 184 thousand disadvantaged families on the register, in which 348 thousand children lived. Neglect of children is the first step towards homelessness, social maladjustment, disruption of the normal process of physical development and socialization of the child.

In 1996, more than 100 thousand children received social, legal, medical assistance and rehabilitation in specialized institutions for minors (Table 1).

Table 1. Orphans and children left without parental care in the Russian Federation * (at the beginning of 1997)

Number of children
Orphans and children left without parental care are taken into account	572,4
Are under care	278,1
Adopted	141,1
They are brought up in boarding schools	153,2
Including:
in children's homes	11,5**
in orphanages	56,7
in boarding schools for orphans	25,3
in general boarding schools	6,3
in boarding schools for children with mental or physical disabilities	37,3
in boarding houses	16,1
in addition, they are in family orphanages ***	2,4
* Data of the Ministry of General and Professional Education of the Russian Federation ** Data of the Ministry of Health of the Russian Federation *** In family orphanages there are not only orphans, but also children of parent-educators, these children are not included in the overall indicator

The organization of medical care for children living in socially disadvantaged conditions requires an expert assessment of the nature and degree of their social insufficiency. The presence in the family of people with disabilities, chronically ill or elderly people who also need care; alcoholics, drug addicts, persons with asocial manifestations, especially when it comes to one or both parents - all this is evidence of the pronounced social insufficiency of such a family.

An extreme manifestation of the social insufficiency of the family should be recognized as the upbringing of a child by one mother, who is forced to work, paying minimum attention to childcare.

It is necessary to bear in mind the adaptability of the dwelling where the child lives for the implementation of medical and rehabilitation measures, and the mother's ability to adequately follow the recommendations received.

Preventive measures to keep children healthy should start with supporting families, especially if their living standards are below the subsistence level. In this respect, much more is being done in Europe than in the United States.

Children living in disadvantaged conditions usually lag behind in development, do not study well, are prone to behavioral disorders and antisocial behavior.

Practitioners are aware that at the primary care level, errors in the recognition of mental retardation and even iatrogenism are possible. High qualifications of a doctor and knowledge of child psychology are required.

The admission of children left without parental care to a hospital, and not to a children's home, is associated with the following organizational shortcomings: imperfection of the paperwork system, as well as the procedure for sending and placing children in children's homes.

The stay of children in hospitals has a negative effect on body weight indicators (the number of children who were discharged from hospitals with a deficit of body weight increased by 1.6 times), the level of neuropsychic development (among children who were admitted to children's homes from hospitals, twice as much lagging behind in development than among those sent from the maternity hospital), morbidity (during their stay in the hospital, every third child suffered three or more cases of acute respiratory infections), blood hemoglobin indicators - the number of children with a reduced hemoglobin level upon admission to the children's home from hospitals was two times more than upon admission from a maternity hospital. The new organizational model for sending and placing children in orphanages, the introduction of which is planned for practice, will reduce the duration of registration of children in an institution by 1.5 - 2 times, and ultimately improve the initial indicators of the health status of children entering the orphanage.

It was found that 67.2% of children were admitted to children's homes under one year old, 22.5% of children - in the second year of life, and 10.3% of children - in the third year of life. Among the children who entered the first year of life, half of the children were temporarily placed in the orphanage.

When children are admitted to an orphanage, more than half of the children show an unfavorable course of adaptation, the clinical and functional characteristics of which are characterized by more negative changes in all studied levels than in a similar variant in kindergarten children. This testifies to the very low functional reserves of many inmates of the orphanage, which determines the persistence of the emerging maladaptive changes in health and development.

Almost all children in the orphanage show a delay in neuropsychic development by the age of three or seven. Despite the preserved potential intellectual abilities, preparation for school does not lead to the correction of lagging functions, but only allows the formation of social and everyday skills.

Inmates of orphanages are characterized by a high frequency of various health disorders that grows with age. There is a high level of distribution of diseases of the respiratory system - 1926.8%, the nervous system and sensory organs - 1512.2%, and the endocrine system, metabolic and immunity disorders - 1268.3%. Most children lag behind in physical and neuropsychic development. 80.8% of children of the first year had a microsomatic type of physical development; 61.3% are in the second year and 68.8% are in the third year of life. Delay in neuropsychic development was noted in 82.1% of children of the first year; 87.6% - in the second and 88.7% - in the third years of life and, accordingly, only 5.2%, 3.3% and 2.3% of children in families. A deep retardation of neuropsychic development was found in 70% of children of the third year of life.

A comprehensive assessment of the state of health showed that the majority of inmates of orphanages have health group II; a significant proportion of children with health groups III-V (at one year - 24.8%, at two years - 27.2% and at three years - 19.9%; respectively in families: 12.9%; 15, 4% and 15.8%).

Given the low health indicators of children in orphanages, it is very important to analyze the quality of medical supervision over them. Thus, it was found that 4% of children were observed irregularly by a pediatrician, 5% - by narrow specialists, 51% of children were not timely monitored for neuropsychic development.

The works of domestic and foreign authors show that a long stay in a large team, in the same type of conditions, limited contact with the outside world lead to serious consequences. Even with good nutrition and medical care, children growing up in conditions of deprivation lag sharply behind their peers in their mental and physical development.

Also, the indicators of mental health of children attributed to groups of medical and social risk are not very encouraging. For example, in boarding schools for orphans, where education is carried out according to the curriculum of a mass school, about 41% of them show some form of delay in intellectual development. In similar institutions for children with officially registered deviations in health, a delay in intellectual development is noted in 60-70% of students. Basically, these are light and borderline options for intellectual disability. In most cases, their cause is the action of a number of pathogenic factors (infections, intoxications, injuries, etc.) on the central nervous system of the fetus during pregnancy, childbirth and in the first years of a child's life. Such a deficiency at school age is manifested in impaired cognitive activity, immaturity of the emotional-volitional sphere, weakening of attention, perception, memory, lag in the development of speech and fine motor skills, weakening of voluntary regulation of behavior.

The registered morbidity rate according to the referral rate of children from sociopathic families is noticeably lower than the real one. This can be indirectly judged by the data on complications of acute respiratory infections and the number of hospitalizations: every fourth complication was serious, and in the control group, only every seventh; the level of hospitalized morbidity in the main group (300.3%) was almost three times higher than that in the control group (107.5%).

A more objective characterization of the state of health of the studied groups of children is provided by the data of in-depth examination by specialists (Table 2).

On the instructions of the WHO, a survey of institutions such as a children's home was carried out. Everywhere there were manifestations of hospitalism, expressed in a delay in both physical and mental development, and a deterioration in the child's health. "Hospitalism is as cruel as food deprivation and beatings." Therefore, the main task of all personnel of the orphanage is to organize health-improving and educational work in order to ensure normal development of children.

Table 2. Prevalence of some chronic diseases and morphological and functional deviations (per 1000 children)

Disease class	Risk group				Control group
	Children Likov	Children Chennykh	Children Mothers Asocial Behavior	Group Generally
V. Mental illness	18,4	3,3	51,7	24,5	9,6
Vi. Diseases of the nervous system and sense organs	39,4	23,4	103,3	55,3	36,3
Vii. Respiratory diseases	34,2	33,3	31,0	32,8	17,1
IX. Diseases of the digestive system	34,2	23,3	34,5	30,7	12,9
XV. Perinatal pathology	15,7	13,3	44,8	24,6	7,8
Other classes	71,1	59,9	127,7	83,8	44,1
Total:	213,0	156,5	393,0	254,7	127,8

The system of health-improving measures is effective only when certain conditions are created. The first of them is that the number of children should be less than in preschool institutions of the usual type. The second is the daily routine. As a rule, given the discrepancy between the health status of children and the level of development of age norms, the regimen is usually prescribed for a lower age, and often purely individual. Third, hygienic measures in the room: sufficient illumination, frequent ventilation, noise reduction. The organization of the environment is important, that is, the correspondence of furniture, play aids, equipment to the age and level of development of children.

Another necessary condition is movement, which is ensured when the child is in the team around the clock, not only through therapeutic gymnastics, massage, but also during music lessons and exercises.

The most important thing is the attitude towards children. Children should be taken outside the territory of the child's home, introduced to the world around them to the extent that children of this age who are brought up in a family become acquainted with it. They must understand that the place in which they live is not a hospital, it is their home, family.

Every child develops and rehabilitates better if he receives enough attention, understanding and affection from an adult. The main person who communicates with the child is the teacher (also a nurse). Its activities are monitored not only when it comes to sanitary and hygienic care for children, but also from the standpoint of communication with them, the possibility of establishing individual contacts.

Recreational and educational work and the whole life of children is regulated by medical and pedagogical principles, the implementation of which is controlled by a doctor and teacher.

The peculiarities of the work of a doctor and a nurse with children from socially disadvantaged families and with those of them who have no parents is that these categories of workers are involved in all types of medical, methodological, organizational and educational work. The doctor not only treats sick children, but also controls the organization of preventive and health-improving work with children, all aspects of organizing life and raising children.

The teacher organizes the entire life of children, starting from the recruitment of groups, the design of the group's interior, the selection of toys and ending with targeted actions aimed at stimulating the mental development of each child. He organizes the correct conduct of the regime moments of the game, independent activities of children, special classes with them, taking into account the individual characteristics and state of health of children.

When monitoring the development and health of children, an integrated approach and agreed appointments of a pediatrician, teacher, speech therapist, neuropathologist, and in some cases, other specialists are very important.

Thus, the study of the currently existing system of social and medical-organizational assistance to children left without parental care made it possible to identify a number of difficulties, which, firstly, are associated with the lengthy processing of the child's legal documents, and secondly, with the insufficient capacity of quarantine groups. and isolation wards, which does not allow the child to be placed in a closed institution as soon as possible.

The aforementioned data on the state of health of the pupils and the factors influencing it and characterizing their way of life made it possible to develop a specific set of measures to improve the health of children in the conditions of a child's home. Such a complex includes the following therapeutic and prophylactic measures: organizational - re-profiling a child's home into a rehabilitation center, optimization of the regime, strict compliance with sanitary and hygienic requirements, prevention of adaptation syndrome, the use of eleutherococcus preparations, calcium pantothenate, ascorbic acid, multivitamins, biological products, hardening techniques in combination with massage and breathing exercises, physiotherapy - restoration of the normal biocenosis of the nasopharynx and intestines with the help of fermented milk products of medical nutrition and products enriched with natural protective factors. Due to a decrease in morbidity and the possibility of implementing the pedagogical process in a more complete volume, the level of neuropsychic development of children increases.

Thus, the current system of social and medical organization of assistance to children left without parental care has an adverse effect on the indicators of their health. This justifies the need to search for adequate means, including medication and non-medication, and to continue developing measures aimed at optimizing medical and organizational assistance to children from socially disadvantaged families.

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An increase in the number of divorces and a decrease in the birth rate, an increase in crime in the sphere of family and domestic relations and an increase in the risk of children's exposure to neuroses due to an unfavorable psychological climate in the family. “Family life plays a huge role in the formation of personality, and not only the relationship between the child and the parents, but also the adults themselves. Constant quarrels between them, lies, conflicts, fights, despotism contribute to breakdowns in the child's nervous activity and a neurotic state. " These and other signs of family disorganization indicate the crisis state of its development at the present stage and an increase in the number of dysfunctional family unions. It is in such families that people most often receive serious psychological trauma, which is far from the best effect on their future fate.

The well-known child psychiatrist M.I.Buyanov believes that everything in the world is relative - both well-being and ill-being. At the same time, he considers family trouble as the creation of unfavorable conditions for the development of the child. According to his interpretation, a dysfunctional family for a child is not synonymous with an asocial family. There are many families about which from a formal point of view nothing bad can be said, but for a particular child this family will be dysfunctional if it contains factors that adversely affect the child's personality, aggravating his negative emotional and mental state. “For one child,” emphasizes M. I. Buyanov, “a family may be suitable, but for another, this same family will cause painful emotional experiences and even mental illness.

There are different families, different children meet, so that only the system of relations "family - child" has the right to be considered as "prosperous" or "dysfunctional".

Thus, the state of mind and behavior of the child is a kind of indicator of family well-being. "Defects in upbringing" - considers MI Buyanov, - this is the first and foremost indicator of the family's trouble. "

Dysfunctional families are families with a low social status, in any of the spheres of life or several at the same time, unable to cope with the functions assigned to them, their adaptive abilities are significantly reduced, the process of family upbringing of a child proceeds with great difficulties, slowly, and has little effect.

By the term "dysfunctional", we tend to understand a family in which the structure is broken, internal boundaries are blurred, the main family functions are devalued or ignored, there are obvious or hidden defects in upbringing, as a result of which the psychological climate in it is disturbed, and "difficult children" appear.

Taking into account the dominant factors that have a negative impact on the development of the child's personality, we conditionally divided the dysfunctional families into two large groups, each of which includes several varieties.

1. The first group is made up of families with an explicit (open) form of trouble - the so-called conflict, problem families, asocial, immoral - criminal and families with a lack of educational resources (in particular, incomplete families).
2. The second group is represented by outwardly respectable families, whose lifestyle does not cause concern and criticism from the public. However, the value attitudes and behavior of parents are sharply at odds with universal human moral values, which cannot but affect the moral character of the children brought up in such families. A distinctive feature of these families is that the relationship of their members on the external, social level makes a favorable impression, and the consequences of improper upbringing are at first glance invisible, which sometimes misleads others, nevertheless, they have a destructive effect on the personal formation of children. These families are classified by us as internally dysfunctional (with a latent form of distress) and the types of such families are quite diverse.

Types of dysfunctional families in modern society

A distinctive feature of families with a clear (external) form of trouble is that the forms of this type of family have a pronounced character, which manifests itself simultaneously in several spheres of the family's life (for example, at the social and material level), or exclusively at the level of interpersonal relations, which leads to to an unfavorable psychological climate in the family group. Usually, in a family with an obvious form of dysfunction, the child experiences physical and emotional rejection on the part of his parents (insufficient care for him, improper care and nutrition, various forms of domestic violence, ignorance of his mental world of experiences). As a result of these unfavorable intrafamilial factors, the child develops a feeling of inadequacy, shame for himself and his parents in front of others, fear and pain for his present and future.

Among externally disadvantaged families, the most common are those in which one or more members are addicted to the use of psychoactive substances, primarily alcohol and drugs. A person suffering from alcoholism and drugs involves all close people in his illness. Therefore, it is no coincidence that specialists began to pay attention not only to the patient himself, but also to his family, thereby recognizing that dependence on alcohol and drugs is a family disease, a family problem.

One of the most powerful unsuccessful factors that destroy not only the family, but also the mental balance of the child, is the alcoholism of the parents. It can negatively affect not only at the moment of conception and during pregnancy, but also throughout the child's life. Families with alcohol addiction. As psychologists (B.S.Bratus, V.D. Moskalenko, E.M. Mastyukova, F.G. Uglov and others) note, adults in such a family, forgetting about parental responsibilities, completely and completely immerse themselves in the “alcoholic subculture », Which is accompanied by the loss of social and moral values \u200b\u200band leads to social and spiritual degradation. Ultimately, families with chemical dependence become socially and psychologically disadvantaged.

The life of children in such a family atmosphere becomes unbearable, turns them into social orphans with living parents.

Living together with an alcoholic patient leads to serious mental disorders in other family members, the complex of which is designated by specialists as codependency.

Codependency arises in response to prolonged stressful situations in the family and leads to suffering for all members of the family group. Children are especially vulnerable in this regard. Lack of the necessary life experience, a fragile psyche - all this leads to the fact that the disharmony reigning in the house, quarrels and scandals, unpredictability and lack of security, as well as the alienated behavior of parents deeply traumatize the child's soul, and the consequences of this moral and psychological trauma often impose deep imprint for the rest of your life.

The most important features of the process of growing up children from "alcoholic" families are that:

1. Children grow up with the conviction that the world is an unsafe place and people cannot be trusted;
2. Children are forced to hide their true feelings and experiences in order to be accepted by adults; they do not realize their feelings, do not know what their reason is and what to do with it, but it is in accordance with them that they build their lives, relationships with other people, with alcohol and drugs. Children carry their emotional wounds and experiences into adulthood, often becoming chemically dependent. And again the same problems that were in the house of their drinking parents reappear;
3. Children feel the emotional rejection of adults, when they inadvertently make mistakes, when they do not meet the expectations of adults, when they openly show their feelings and state their needs;
4. Children, especially the elders in the family, are forced to take responsibility for the behavior of their parents;
5. Parents may not perceive the child as a separate creature with their own value, they believe that the child should feel, look and do the same as they do;
6. Parental self-esteem may be dependent on the child. Parents may treat him as an equal without giving him the opportunity to be a child;
7. A family with alcohol-dependent parents is dangerous because of its desocializing influence not only on its own children, but also through the spread of a destructive effect on the personal development of children from other families. As a rule, whole companies of neighbors' children appear around such houses, thanks to adults they are introduced to alcohol and the criminal and immoral subculture that prevails among drinking people.

Among clearly dysfunctional families a large group are families with violation of parent-child relations... In them, the influence on children is desocialized; they are manifested not directly through the patterns of immoral behavior of parents, as is the case in "alcoholic" families, but indirectly, due to chronic complicated, actually unhealthy relationships between spouses, which are characterized by a lack of mutual understanding and respect, an increase in emotional alienation and the predominance of conflict interactions.

Naturally, conflict family it becomes not immediately, but some time after the formation of the marriage union. And in each case there are reasons that gave rise to a family atmosphere. However, not all families are destroyed, many manage not only to resist, but to strengthen family ties. All this depends on what caused the emergence of a conflict situation and what is the attitude of each of the spouses towards it, as well as on their orientation towards a constructive or destructive way of resolving a family conflict. Therefore, it is necessary to distinguish between such concepts as "family conflicts" and "conflict families", since the conflict in the family, albeit quite violent, does not mean that it is a conflict family, does not always indicate its instability

"Conflicting matrimonial unions" - it is noted in one of the reference books on family problems, - such families are called in which there are constantly spheres where the interests, intentions, desires of all or several family members (spouses, children, other relatives living together) collide, giving rise to strong and long-term negative emotional states, the incessant hostility of the spouses to each other. Conflict - a chronic condition of such a family.

Regardless of whether a conflict family is noisy, scandalous, where raised tones, irritation become the norm in the relationship between spouses, or quiet, where marital relations are marked by complete alienation, the desire to avoid any interaction, it negatively affects the formation of the child's personality and can cause various antisocial manifestations in the form of deviant behavior.

In conflict families, moral and psychological support is often lacking. A characteristic feature of conflict families is also a violation of communication between its members. As a rule, an inability to communicate is hidden behind a protracted, unresolved conflict or quarrel.

Conflicted families are more "silent" than conflict-free families, in which spouses exchange information less often, avoid unnecessary conversations. In such families, they almost never say "we", preferring to say only "I", which testifies to the psychological isolation of marriage partners, their emotional disunity. And finally, in problematic, eternally quarreling families, communication with each other is built in a monologue mode, reminiscent of the conversation of the deaf: everyone says his own, the most important, painful, but no one hears him; the same monologue sounds in response.

Children who have gone through parental quarrels have adverse experiences in life. Negative images of childhood are very harmful, they condition thinking, feelings and actions already in adulthood. Therefore, parents who cannot find mutual understanding with each other must always remember that even with an unsuccessful marriage, children should not be drawn into family conflicts. You should think about your child's problems at least as much as about your own.

The behavior of the child turns out to be a kind of indicator of family well-being or trouble. It is easy to discern the roots of disadvantage in the behavior of children if children grow up in clearly disadvantaged families. It is much more difficult to do this in relation to those "difficult" children and adolescents who were brought up in families that are quite prosperous. And only close attention to the analysis of the family atmosphere in which the life of a child who fell into a "risk group" passed makes it possible to find out that well-being was relative. Outwardly regulated relations in families are often a kind of cover for the emotional alienation reigning in them, both at the level of marital and child-parental relations. Children often experience an acute deficit of parental love, affection and attention due to the official or personal employment of the spouses.

The consequence of such family upbringing of children quite often becomes pronounced selfishness, arrogance, intolerance, difficulties in communicating with peers and adults.

In this regard, it is interesting family union classification, proposed by V.V. Yustitskis, who distinguishes a family “distrustful”, “frivolous”, “cunning” - with these metaphorical names he denotes certain forms of latent family trouble.

The "distrustful" family... A characteristic feature is an increased distrust of others (neighbors, acquaintances, workmates, employees of institutions with whom family members have to communicate). Family members knowingly consider everyone to be unfriendly or simply indifferent, and their intentions towards the family are hostile.

This position of the parents also forms a distrustful and hostile attitude towards others in the child. He develops suspicion, aggressiveness, it is more and more difficult for him to enter into friendly contacts with peers

Children from such families are most vulnerable to the influence of antisocial groups, since they are close to the psychology of these troupes: hostility to others, aggressiveness. Therefore, it is not easy to establish emotional contact with them and gain their trust, since they do not believe in sincerity in advance and expect a catch.

"Frivolous" family... Differs in a carefree attitude to the future, the desire to live one day, not caring what the consequences of today's actions will have tomorrow. Members of such a family gravitate towards momentary pleasures, plans for the future are usually vague. If someone expresses dissatisfaction with the present and a desire to live differently, he does not think about it seriously.

Children in such families grow up weak-willed, disorganized, they are drawn to primitive entertainment. They commit misconduct most often due to a thoughtless attitude to life, lack of solid principles and lack of strong-willed qualities.

IN To the "cunning" family, first of all, value enterprise, luck and dexterity in achieving life goals. The main thing is the ability to achieve success in the shortest possible way, with the minimum expenditure of labor and time. At the same time, members of such a family sometimes easily overstep the boundaries of what is permissible. Laws and morals.

To such qualities as hard work, patience, perseverance, the attitude in such a family is skeptical, even dismissive. As a result of such "upbringing", an attitude is formed: the main thing is not to get caught.

There are many varieties of the family structure, where these signs are smoothed out, and the consequences of improper upbringing are not so noticeable. But still they are. Perhaps the most noticeable is the mental loneliness of children.

Consider some types of families related to hidden forms of family trouble:

Families focused on child successand. A possible type of internally dysfunctional family is the seemingly completely normal typical families, where parents seem to pay enough attention to their children and attach importance to them. The whole range of family relationships unfolds in the space between the age and individual characteristics of children and the expectations presented to them by their parents, which ultimately shape the child's attitude towards himself and his environment. Parents instill in children a desire for achievement, which is often accompanied by an excessive fear of failure. The child feels that all his positive connections with his parents depend on his success, he is afraid that he will be loved only as long as he does everything well. This attitude does not even require special formulations: it is so clearly expressed through everyday actions that the child is constantly in a state of heightened emotional stress only because of waiting for the question of how his school (sports, music, etc.) affairs are. He is sure in advance that "just" reproaches, edifications, and even more serious punishments await him if he failed to achieve the expected success.

Pseudo-reciprocal and pseudo-hostile families... To describe unhealthy family relationships that are hidden, veiled, some researchers use the concept of homeostasis, meaning family ties, which are restraining, impoverished, stereotypical and almost indestructible. The most famous are two forms of such relations - pseudo-reciprocity and pseudo-hostility. In both cases, we are talking about families whose members are interconnected by endlessly repeating stereotypes of emotional mutual reactions and are in fixed positions in relation to each other, which prevent the personal and psychological separation of family members. Pseudo-mutual families encourage the expression of only warm, loving, supportive feelings, while hostility, anger, irritation and other negative feelings are hidden and suppressed in every possible way. In pseudo-hostile families, on the contrary, it is customary to express only hostile feelings, and to reject tender ones. The first type of families is called by domestic authors pseudo-solidary, or pseudo-collaborative.

This form of conjugal interaction can be transferred to the sphere of parent-child relations, which cannot but affect the formation of the child's personality. He learns not so much to feel as to “play at feelings,” and focus exclusively on the positive side of their manifestation, while remaining emotionally cold and alienated. Having become an adult, a child from such a family, despite the presence of an internal need for care and love, will prefer non-interference in the personal affairs of a person, even the closest one, and will elevate emotional detachment to the point of complete alienation to his main life principle.

Researchers studying the psychology of such families identify as the most common three specific forms observed in them ill-being: rivalry, perceived cooperation and isolation.

Rivalry manifests itself in the desire of two or more family members to secure a dominant position in the home. At first glance, this is primacy in decision-making: financial, economic, pedagogical (concerning the upbringing of children), organizational, etc. It is known that the problem of leadership in the family is especially acute in the early years of marriage: husband and wife often quarrel over which of them should be the head of the family.

Rivalry is evidence that there is no real head in the family.

A child in such a family grows up without the traditional division of roles in the family, which is the norm to find out who is in charge of the “family” at every opportunity. The child forms the opinion that conflicts are the norm.

Sham collaboration... Such a form of family trouble as imaginary cooperation is also quite common, although at the external, social, level, it is "covered" by the seemingly harmonious relations of spouses and other family members. Conflicts between husband and wife or spouses and their parents are not visible on the surface. But this temporary lull continues only until the moment when one of the family members changes their position in life. Imaginary cooperation can be clearly manifested in a situation where, on the contrary, one of the family members (often the wife), after a long period of doing only household chores, decides to get involved in professional activities. A career requires a lot of effort and time, therefore, naturally, household chores that only the wife performed has to be redistributed among other family members and what they are not ready for.

In such a family, the child does not form an attitude to cooperate with his family members, to find a compromise. On the contrary, he believes that each should support the other, as long as it does not run counter to his personal interests.

Insulation... Along with rivalry and imaginary cooperation, isolation is a fairly common form of family trouble. A relatively simple variant of such a difficulty in the family is the psychological isolation of one person in the family from the others, most often it is the widowed parent of one of the spouses. Despite the fact that he lives in the house of his children, he does not take direct part in the life of the family: no one is interested in his opinion on certain issues, he is not involved in discussing important family problems and is not even asked about his well-being, as everyone knows that "he is always ill" They just got used to him as to an interior item and consider it their duty only to make sure that he was fed in time.

The option of mutual isolation of two or more family members is possible. For example, the emotional alienation of spouses can lead to the fact that each of them prefers to spend most of their time outside the family, having their own circle of acquaintances, business and entertainment. Remaining spouses purely formally, both are more likely to leave than spend time at home. The family rests either on the need to raise children, or out of prestigious, financial and other similar considerations.

Mutually isolated young and parental families living under one roof can become. Sometimes they and the household run separately, like two families in a communal apartment. Conversations revolve mainly around everyday problems: whose turn it is to clean in public places, to whom and how much to pay for utilities, etc.

In such a family, the child observes a situation of emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical isolation of family members. Such a child does not have a sense of attachment to the family, he does not know what it is to worry about another family member, if he is old or sick.

The listed forms are not limited to the varieties of family trouble. Moreover, each of the adults, consciously or unconsciously, seeks to use children in a function that is beneficial to themselves. Children, as they grow up and become aware of the family situation, begin to play games with adults, the rules of which were imposed on them. Especially clearly, the difficult situation of children in families with various forms of psychological distress is manifested in the roles that they are forced to take on at the initiative of adults. Whatever the role - positive or negative - it equally negatively affects the formation of the child's personality, which will not slow down to affect his self-awareness and relationships with others, not only in childhood, but also in adulthood.

In addition, family well-being is a relative phenomenon and can be temporary. Often, a completely prosperous family goes into the category of either explicitly or latently dysfunctional families. Therefore, it is necessary to constantly carry out work to prevent family problems.

Impact of a dysfunctional family on the development and upbringing of a child

Family education is a controlled system of relationships between parents and children, and the leading role in it belongs to parents. It is they who need to know which forms of relationships with their own children contribute to the harmonious development of the child's psyche and personal qualities, and which, on the contrary, prevent the formation of normal behavior in them and, for the most part, lead to educational difficulties and personality deformation.

The wrong choice of forms, methods and means of pedagogical influence, as a rule, leads to the emergence of unhealthy ideas, habits and needs in children, which put them in abnormal relations with society. Quite often, parents see their educational task in achieving obedience. Therefore, they often do not even try to understand the child, but tend to teach, scold, read long notations as much as possible, forgetting that notation is not a live conversation, not a heart-to-heart talk, but the imposition of "truths" that seem indisputable to adults, but the child is often not perceived and not accepted, because they simply do not understand. This method of surrogate upbringing gives formal satisfaction to the parents and is completely useless (and even harmful) for the children being raised in this way.

One of the features of family upbringing is the constant presence in front of the children's eyes of a model of the behavior of their parents. By imitating them, children copy both positive and negative behavioral characteristics, learn the rules of relationships that do not always correspond to socially approved norms. Ultimately, this can result in asocial and illegal forms of behavior.

The specific features of family upbringing are most clearly manifested in a number of difficulties that parents face and the mistakes they make, which cannot but affect negatively the formation of the personality of their children. First of all, this concerns the style of family education, the choice of which is most often determined by the personal views of parents on the problems of development and personal formation of their children.

The style of upbringing depends not only on socio-cultural rules and norms presented in the form of national traditions in upbringing, but also on the pedagogical position (point of view) of the parent regarding how parent-child relations in the family should be built, on the formation of what personality traits and qualities in children should be guided by his educational impact. In accordance with this, the parent determines the model of his behavior in communicating with the child.

Parenting options

• Strict - the parent acts mainly by forceful, directive methods, imposing his own system of requirements, rigidly directing the child along the path of social achievement, while often blocking the child's own activity and initiative. This option is generally in line with the authoritarian style.
• Explanatory - the parent appeals to the child's common sense, resorts to verbal explanation, considering the child to be his equal and capable of understanding the explanations addressed to him.
• Autonomous - the parent does not impose a decision on the child, allowing him to find a way out of the current situation himself, giving him maximum freedom in choosing and making decisions, maximum independence, independence; the parent rewards the child for showing these qualities.
• Compromise - to solve the problem, the parent assumes something attractive to the child in return for committing an action that is unattractive to him or to divide responsibilities, difficulties in half. The parent is guided by the interests and preferences of the child, knows what can be offered in return, what to turn the child's attention to.
• Promoting - the parent understands at what point the child needs his help and to what extent he can and should provide it. He really participates in the child's life, seeks to help, to share his difficulties with him.
• Sympathetic - the parent sincerely and deeply sympathizes and empathizes with the child in a conflict situation, without taking, however, any specific actions. He subtly and sensitively reacts to changes in the state, mood of the child.
• Indulgent - the parent is ready to take any action, even to his own detriment, to ensure the child's physiological and psychological comfort. The parent is completely focused on the child: he puts his needs and interests above his own, and often above the interests of the family as a whole.
• Situational - the parent makes the appropriate decision depending on the situation in which he is; there is no universal strategy for raising a child. The parenting system and parenting strategy are flexible and flexible.
• Dependent - the parent does not feel confident in himself, in his abilities and relies on the help and support of a more competent environment (educators, teachers and scientists) or shifts his responsibilities to him. The parent is greatly influenced by pedagogical and psychological literature, from which he tries to get the necessary information about the "correct" education of his children.

Internal pedagogical position, views on upbringing in a family are always reflected in the manner of parental behavior, the nature of communication and the characteristics of relationships with children.

A corollary to this belief is that parents are emphatically confused about how to deal with a child who is showing negative emotions.

The following styles of parenting behavior stand out:

1. "Commander-General"... This style excludes alternatives, keeps events in check and does not allow negative emotions to be expressed. Such parents consider orders, commands and threats designed to effectively control the situation as the main means of influencing the child.
2. "Parent-psychologist"... Some parents act as a psychologist and try to analyze the problem. They ask questions aimed at diagnosis, interpretation and evaluation, assuming that they have superior knowledge. This fundamentally kills the child's attempts to open their feelings. The parent psychologist seeks to delve into all the details with the sole purpose of guiding the child on the right path.
3. "Referee"... This style of parental behavior allows the child to be considered guilty and sentenced. The only thing such a parent aspires to is to prove his own innocence.
4. "A priest"... Style of parental behavior, close to that of a teacher. The teachings are reduced mainly to moralizing about what is happening. Unfortunately, this style is faceless and has no success in solving family problems.
5. "Cynic"... Such parents are usually full of sarcasm and try, one way or another, to humiliate the child. His main "weapon" is ridicule, nicknames, sarcasm or jokes that can "put a child on his shoulder."

In addition, the styles of parenting discussed above do not in any way motivate the child to improve, but only undermine the main goal of helping him learn to solve problems. The parent will only achieve that the child will feel rejected. And when a child experiences negative feelings towards himself, he becomes withdrawn, does not want to communicate with others, analyze his feelings and behavior.

At the same time, among the unfavorable factors of family upbringing are noted, first of all, such as an incomplete family, immoral lifestyle of parents, asocial antisocial views and orientations of parents, their low educational level, pedagogical failure of the family, emotional-conflict relations in the family.

It is obvious that the general educational level of parents, the presence or absence of a complete family testify to such important conditions of family education as the general cultural level of the family, its ability to develop the spiritual needs, cognitive interests of children, that is, to fully fulfill the functions of the institution of socialization. At the same time, such factors as parental education and family composition do not yet accurately characterize the lifestyle of the family, the value orientations of the parents, the relationship between the material and spiritual needs of the family, its psychological climate and emotional relationships.

The presence of this or that social risk factor does not mean the obligatory occurrence of social deviations in the behavior of children, it only indicates a high degree of probability of these deviations. At the same time, some social risk factors show their negative influence rather stably and constantly, while others either increase or weaken their influence over time.

Among the functionally insolvent, unable to cope with the upbringing of children, the majority of families are families characterized by unfavorable socio-psychological factors, the so-called conflict families, where relations between spouses are chronically aggravated, and pedagogically insolvent families with a low psychological and pedagogical culture of parents, the wrong style of parenting relationships. A wide variety of incorrect styles of parent-child relations are observed: rigidly authoritarian, pedantic-suspicious, exhorting, inconsistent, detached-indifferent, conniving-indifferent, etc. As a rule, parents with socio-psychological and psychological-pedagogical problems are aware of their difficulties, strive seek help from teachers, psychologists, but not always without the help of a specialist are able to cope with them, understand their mistakes, the characteristics of their child, rebuild the style of relationships in the family, get out of a prolonged intra-family, school or other conflict.

At the same time, there are a significant number of families that are not aware of their problems, the conditions in which, nevertheless, are so difficult that they threaten the life and health of children. These are, as a rule, families with criminal risk factors, where parents, due to their antisocial or criminal lifestyle, do not create elementary conditions for raising children, abuse of children and women is allowed, the involvement of children and adolescents in criminal and antisocial activities takes place.

Criminally immoral families are the most dangerous in terms of their negative impact on children. The life of children in such families is often threatened due to abuse, drunken brawls, sexual promiscuity of parents, lack of basic care for the maintenance of children. These are the so-called social orphans (orphans with living parents), whose education should be entrusted to the state and public care. Otherwise, the child will face early vagrancy, runaways from home, complete social insecurity both from abuse in the family and from the criminalizing influence of criminal formations.

Asocial-immoral families, which, with their specific socio-psychological characteristics, require a different approach.

In practice, asocial-immoral families are most often referred to as families with open acquisitive orientations, living according to the principle “the end justifies the means,” in which there are no moral norms and restrictions. Outwardly, the situation in these families may look quite decent, the standard of living is quite high, but spiritual values \u200b\u200bhave been replaced exclusively by acquisitive orientations with very indiscriminate means of achieving them. Such families, despite their outward respectability, due to their distorted moral concepts, also have a direct influence on children, directly instilling antisocial views and value orientations in them.

A different approach is required by families with indirect influence - conflicting and pedagogically untenable.

Conflict family, in which, for various psychological reasons, personal relationships between spouses are not built on the principle of mutual respect and mutual understanding, but on the principle of conflict, alienation.

Pedagogically untenableas well as conflict families do not directly influence children. The formation of antisocial orientations in children in these families occurs because the educational role of the family is lost due to pedagogical errors and a difficult moral and psychological atmosphere, and in terms of the degree of its influence, it begins to yield to other institutions of socialization that play an unfavorable role.

In practice, pedagogically unsuccessful families are the most difficult to access for identifying the causes and unfavorable conditions that had a negative impact on children, most often characterized by the most typical, incorrectly formed pedagogical styles in functionally unsuccessful families that cannot cope with raising children.

Permissively condescending stylewhen parents do not attach importance to the misconduct of their children, they do not see anything terrible in them, they believe that “all children are like that”, or they reason like this: “We ourselves were the same. The position of all-round defense, which can also be occupied by a certain part of parents, building their relationships with others on the principle “our child is always right”. Such parents are very aggressive towards anyone who points out the wrong behavior of their children. Children from such families suffer from especially serious defects in moral consciousness, they are deceitful and cruel, and very difficult to re-educate.

Demonstrative stylewhen parents, more often a mother, do not hesitate to complain about their child to each and every one, talks about his misdeeds at every corner, clearly exaggerating the degree of their danger, declare out loud that the son is growing up as a "bandit" and so on. This leads to a loss in the child of bashfulness, feelings of remorse for his actions, removes internal control over his behavior, there is anger towards adults and parents.

Pedantic suspicious stylein which parents do not believe, do not trust their children, subject them to abusive total control, try to completely isolate them from their peers, friends, strive to absolutely control the child's free time, the range of his interests, activities, communication.

Tough authoritarian style, typical for parents who abuse physical punishment. The father is more inclined to this style of relationship, who strives to severely beat the child on any occasion, believing that there is only one effective educational method - physical violence. Children usually grow up in such cases aggressive, cruel, tend to offend the weak, small, defenseless.

Exhortatory style, which, in contrast to the rigidly authoritarian style, in this case, parents show complete helplessness towards their children, prefer to admonish, endlessly persuade, explain, not apply any volitional influences and punishments.

Detached, indifferent style arises, as a rule, in families where parents, in particular the mother, are absorbed in the arrangement of their personal life. Having married a second time, the mother finds neither the time nor the mental strength for her children from her first marriage, she is indifferent to both the children themselves and their actions. Children are left to themselves, they feel superfluous, tend to be less at home, with pain they perceive the indifferently detached attitude of the mother.

Upbringing as a "family idol" often arises in relation to "late children", when a long-awaited child is finally born to middle-aged parents or a single woman. In such cases, they are ready to pray for the child, all his requests and whims are fulfilled, extreme egocentrism, egoism is formed, the first victims of which are the parents themselves.

Inconsistent style - when the parents, especially the mother, do not have enough self-control, self-control to implement consistent educational tactics in the family. There are sharp emotional changes in relations with children - from punishment, tears, swearing to touching and affectionate manifestations, which leads to the loss of parental influence on children. The teenager becomes uncontrollable, unpredictable, disregarding the opinion of his elders, parents. What is needed is a patient, firm, consistent line of behavior for an educator, a psychologist.

The above examples are far from being exhausted by the typical mistakes of family education. However, it is much more difficult to correct them than to detect them, since the pedagogical errors of family education are most often of a protracted chronic nature. The cold, alienated, and sometimes hostile relations between parents and children, which have lost their warmth and mutual understanding, are especially difficult to fix and severe in their consequences.Mutual alienation, hostility, and helplessness of parents in such cases sometimes reaches the point that they themselves turn to the police for help, commission on juvenile affairs, they ask that their son, daughter be sent to a special vocational school, to a special school. In a number of cases, this measure, indeed, turns out to be justified, since all means have been exhausted at home, and the restructuring of relations, which did not occur in a timely manner, becomes practically impossible due to the aggravation of conflicts and mutual hostility.

The mistakes of family pedagogy are especially clearly manifested in the system of punishments and rewards practiced in the family. In these matters, special caution, prudence, a sense of proportion, prompted by parental intuition and love, are needed. Both excessive connivance and excessive parental cruelty are equally dangerous in raising a child.

Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation

PSLU

Course work

in psychology on the topic:

"Children from disadvantaged families"

3rd year full-time students

faculty of English 301 groups

Kiseleva Olga Viktorovna

Supervisor: Shavoleva N.M.

Pyatigorsk

I Introduction

II Types of dysfunctional families

1). Alcoholic family

2). Criminally immoral family

3). Immoral - associative family

4). Conflict family

five). Pedagogically unsuccessful family

III Parenting mistakes

IV Psychological help for children

from dysfunctional families

We are used to seeing the family as a hearth of peace and love, where a person is surrounded by the closest and dearest people. However, upon closer examination, it turns out that this is not the case. The family increasingly resembles a theater of war, an arena of fierce disputes, recriminations and threats, and often comes to the use of physical force. For a long time it was believed: all these matters are delicate, inside - family ... But the consequences of such violence are too painful and extensive. They respond too broadly and deeply to the fate of adults and children to be a “private matter” ... The number of children living in dysfunctional families is unknown, but there is reason to believe that it is large.

Due to the increase in the number of divorces, more than half a million children are left without a parent every year. The number of claims for deprivation of parental rights is constantly growing. There are 15,000 parents registered with the police today who have a negative impact on their children. The results of sample studies show that recently, intra-family violence, including sexual violence, has become widespread. According to the Arbsky Center for Social and Forensic Psychiatry, children aged 6-7 years are particularly affected. Of these, 70% lag behind in mental and physical development, suffer from various psycho-emotional disorders. Every year, ten thousand children under the age of 14 die in the country from injuries and poisoning. In children from disadvantaged families, it was found: children from such families are 7 times more likely to have suicide attempts, 3 times more likely to be placed in an orphanage or similar government institutions, 2 times more likely to have early marriage, 2 times more likely to have mental illness , 2 times more likely to delinquent behavior. Many children leave home and become street children. It is one thing when a street child is 16 - 18 years old, i.e. he is able to make decisions himself and evaluate his actions. And it is quite another thing when the parents drink soundly, they themselves wander and the child is left to himself. Does he want to live on the street, spend the night where he has to, steal or beg, so as not to die of hunger? In my opinion, the answer is clear. Obviously, some of the problems can be explained by the system of upbringing in the family. And it seems to me that today we need a state program that would allow saving children.

We are talking about children from disadvantaged families, i.e. about children, about dysfunctional families, about what happens to a child if he finds himself in a dysfunctional family. What is a dysfunctional family? It is impossible to answer in one word. After all, everything in the world is relative - both well-being and ill-being in relation to the child. But children are all different: some are more resilient, others are not, some are vulnerable, but all react, while others are all tryn-grass, you cannot get through them. So talking about a child from a dysfunctional family means saying:

1) ... What are dysfunctional families

2) ... What are the children with their psychological and psychopathological problems, defeated

overregulation of marital dysfunction.

3) ... How is family trouble reflected on a child who is prone to an aggravated response to all kinds of adverse factors.

4) ... How a sick child can disturb the peace of the family, cause irritation, anger, impatience among parents, etc. those. turn a family into a dysfunctional one, and the latter, in turn, can further aggravate the child's mental state.

5) ... What should teachers do to help the child, because it is not his fault that he lives in a dysfunctional family.

A dysfunctional family for a child is not synonymous with an antisocial or antisocial family. There are a great many families about which nothing bad can be said from a formal point of view, but nevertheless, this family is dysfunctional for a given child. Of course, the family of a drunkard or a bully will be unfavorable for any child, but in most cases, the concept of an unfavorable family can arise only in relation to a specific child on whom this trouble affects. There are different families, different children meet, so that only the system of relations "family - child" has the right to be considered as prosperous or dysfunctional.

The family may not be complete. It can be complete, but with a contradictory upbringing or with upbringing that suppresses the child, or with oranfire conditions, etc. Sometimes an incomplete family is more useful for a child than an incomplete one. Although complete (for example, the father is a drunkard terrorizing the family, then he finally leaves the family, the family breathes a sigh of relief, peace reigns in it). There are seemingly good relations in the family, but parents, who are overly busy with their industrial affairs, pay little attention to the child - this can also lead to bad consequences for the vulnerable soul of a little person.

Divorce also affects the child. Parents get divorced and do not think about the fate of their children, about their warped childhood and distorted mental life. Children will grow up and, remembering how their parents behaved, will continue their journey. Or they will become cynics, or lonely, or some other, but in any case - unhappy. Upbringing defects are the first and foremost indicator of a dysfunctional family. Neither material, nor household, nor prestige indicators characterize the degree of family well-being or trouble - only the attitude towards the child.

Unwell in the family to one degree or another almost always leads to unsuccessful mental development of the child. Not in the sense of stupidity or some other violations, for example, of the intellect, but in the sense of disharmony in the maturation of the emotional-volitional sphere, i.e. predominantly human character. And what is the character, such are the relationships of a person with other people, such is his happiness.

One of the most powerful unfavorable factors destroying not only the family, but also the mental balance of the child is the drunkenness of the parents. It can be cancerous for the baby not only at the moment of conception and during pregnancy, but also throughout the child's life.

Whatever aspect of the problem of deviations from the normal psycho-physical development of a child we have not touched upon, we are almost always forced to talk about the pernicious influence of parental drunkenness. Because of this ominous phenomenon, the child learns bad examples, because of this, there is generally the absence of any education. , because of this, children lose their parents and end up in orphanages, etc.

The overwhelming majority of the negative examples that we give are somehow caused by drunkenness of adults. When they talk about the harm done by drunkards to their children, it seems to be difficult to surprise: people seem to be used to this ugly phenomenon. Only in vain have we got used to it, in vain have we resigned ourselves to it. The whole world needs to fight drunkenness, which inevitably cripples children.

Drunkards not only liken children and adolescents, who, due to their immaturity, cannot resist harmful traditions. Drunkenness is the cause of many neuroses and behavioral disorders in family members of drunkards. In the overwhelming majority of cases, various mental disorders in children are caused by the drunkenness of parents, their social degradation, hooliganism, and poor self-control. If, because of drunks - fathers, children become neurotic, then from drunkards - mothers often give birth to mentally disabled children. But while scientists argue about who is more to blame - drunk fathers or drunk mothers, or all together, it is necessary by all means to fight household drunkenness and its consequences - alcoholic illness.

Psychological characteristics of children:

Children know that people condemn drunkenness, blame them for being bad parents. Therefore, children are trying with all their might to hide the shame of the family. Children cannot speak frankly about their family either with friends or with teachers. The habit of hiding makes it necessary to ignore reality. Secrecy, evasion, deception are becoming common components of life. As a result, everyone becomes suspicious and angry. Lessons learned in childhood are reinforced by the fact that family members never honestly discuss what is not happening. And open communications cease to exist. Secrets invariably give impetus to envy, jealousy. The more secrecy, the more entanglement of guilt, struggle, fights, separation of family members and isolation, loneliness.

Death is very common in an alcoholic family. Just as drunkenness must be hidden, quarrels must be kept secret, because it was their fault. Quarrels both at the verbal level and accompanied by physical aggression have not only a psycho-traumatic effect on the child. Constant observation of how parents provoke each other, argue, make noise, lead to the fact that children learn a similar style of mutual relations between people in general. "Moskalenko"

In alcoholic families, both sick and non-sick parents often do not fulfill their promises. One disappointment, another. All this depresses the child. And true to family traditions, keep everything a secret, children never tell their parents about their hard feelings. And as adults, they continue to anticipate disappointment, do not trust in both casual and intimate relationships. The passionate desire to have constant self-care on the part of parents remains for a long time with children from such families. They may remain infantile, immature in relationships with peers. "Moskalenko" At the same time, children in such families are forced to quickly become adults. Children feel responsible for their younger brothers and sisters. Parents of drinkers need their physical and emotional support. Children have to listen, approve of their parents, make their life more or less convenient and comfortable. Truly, children become parents to their parents. Children cover up the disorganization of family life. And later, they have a vague feeling that they have missed something that is due to them, that they deserve and they continue to fight to get back their due attention. , children's joys . They do not understand frivolity, freedom. Such people do not know how to enjoy life.

Lack of care and attention to a child can also be a parenting style in an alcoholic family. This attitude towards the child is only part of the rules that reign in the family. A drunken father lying on the floor, the children step over him, as if not noticing. Or the mother herself may suffer from alcoholism, or be absorbed by the alcohol problems of her husband, spends all her energy on them, and at this time the children live without her attention. Children do not wash, do not brush their teeth. Lack of care is just the beginning of a child's general neglect. "Moskalenko"

If children constantly hear in the family that the father should earn money and not drink, they may begin to confuse money with love and attention. When friends need attention, these children can get them off with gifts.

The emotional needs of children in alcoholic families are also not given due attention. And children will not learn how to enter the state of another person. They do not learn the elementary responsibilities of parents, which makes it difficult for them to adapt to their future

noah family. "Moskalenko"

"Sexual abuse." So, if a girl is forced to increasingly replace her sick alcoholism,

if a mother is involved in household chores, in caring for younger children, then one day it may happen that she replaces the mother with her father in his sexual harassment. Often the husbands of women with alcoholism are also alcoholics. In the event that the father is not sick with alcoholism, his thoughts and feelings turn to the “female half of the house”, to the daughters, if the mother is sick and absent physically and emotionally. Then the father seeks friendship and recognition from his daughters. A close relationship with daughters can slip into the realm of sexual relations imperceptibly. "Moskalenko"

Sexual abuse is understood not only as overt rape, but also as a covert encroachment on free sexual development.

Explicit and latent sexual aggression towards children is a fairly common occurrence in families with an alcoholic patient. Even in the absence of physical contact, the actions of an adult that disrupt the development of the child's sexuality, interfere with the acquisition of their own experience in this direction, can be regarded as subtle, hidden sexual aggression. It is believed that the consequences of both latent and explicit sexual aggression are always severe and lasting. The nature of the consequences is compared to that of alcoholism itself: a feeling of worthlessness, loss of control over one's life and all overwhelming dependence on this absolute and biggest family secret. Guilt, shame, self-loathing, despair, depression, the role of a victim in all life situations, passivity,

promiscuity - this is not a complete list of what may be associated with the act of incest, or with latent sexual abuse that took place in childhood.

If you are the victim of an incest, it is very important for you to tell about what happened to someone who inspires your confidence. If he doesn't believe you, find someone else who can help you and your family. If you don't want your abuser to get in trouble, remember that by telling the truth, you will be taking the first step not only to stop sex crimes, but also to help whoever commits them. "Moskalenko"

Children and adolescents who have experienced sexual abuse have distinct behaviors, and if you know the psychological characteristics of such children, adults working with children might assume that the child may be experiencing abuse. It should be noted that these signs are not specific

sexual abuse, however, according to both foreign and our researchers, children who have experienced sexual abuse demonstrate the following features:

Preschool children

- have nightmares;

- fears;

- they suddenly begin to behave like young children;

- play sex games with themselves, peers or toys;

- are engaged in open masturbation;

- susceptible to neuropsychiatric disorders (including enuresis and encopresis);

Primary school children

- are experiencing difficulties at school;

- withdraw into themselves, fenced off from adults, including parents;

- their relationships with peers are deteriorating;

- role behavior changes;

- they fantasize excessively;

- sometimes behave sexually;

- for no apparent reason suffer from abdominal pain;

Senior school children, teenagers

- fall into childhood;

- run away from home;

- they have low self-esteem;

- are engaged in prostitution;

- commit suicide attempts;

- use alcohol and drugs;

- demonstrate defiant, sexual behavior;

- for no apparent reason, they develop various diseases: allergies, abdominal pain, headaches.

Oddly enough, but most of the little vagrants have parents - both a mother and a father. Usually they are drunkards and alcoholics, against whom cases of deprivation of parental rights are brought. How else? Mom and Dad not only don’t raise the child, they simply don’t notice him. Sometimes staying at home poses a direct threat to the life and health of children. Drinks (or even brothels) are constantly arranged in apartments. Not only do children see all this debauchery, but often they themselves become participants in it. In childhood, as you know, the idea of \u200b\u200ba lifestyle is formed. It develops gradually, but over the years it becomes so stable that it is almost impossible to remake, change it. Suppose a child is severely beaten at home. He runs away from home and thus escapes from the next beatings. The subconscious immediately recognizes this: it's good. Or, parents drink everything on drink and there is not even a crust of bread in the house, and on the street you can steal or beg for food. The child's subconscious again captures a positive emotion. The same thing happens at school. The child has fallen behind, does not learn the material, they laugh at him - it hurts painfully. But in his midst, in the basement, in the attic, he is a king, enjoys authority. In a word, the fates of little fugitives are stories about how children could not cope with the life problems facing them and found, so to speak, workarounds. In any case, initially the fault lies with the parents, because they either did not want to help their son or daughter overcome the difficulties that had arisen, or by their behavior they themselves created conditions that were unbearable for the child. Most of the children. People who get to shelters from the street are sick. Mental retardation, mental retardation of varying degrees are common diagnoses. Almost all of them, without exception, are pedagogically neglected, their vocabulary is limited, because no one has studied with them. Among twelve - thirteen year olds, there are often substance abusers, drug addicts.

These children know more about life than other adults. They had to endure and experience too much. They brought one girl and she turned out to be pregnant. And she's only twelve years old. And this is no exception.

Every child who has drank independence needs help. Some need a doctor, others a psychologist, and still others just need a good attitude. The main task is to create a correct idea of \u200b\u200blife in boys and girls. But this problem must be approached differentiated by age. Until the age of twelve or thirteen, children's consciousness can still be influenced, but the older, as practice shows, is almost impossible to change. Although ... finding themselves in a normal environment and forced to behave decently, even the most inveterate fraudsters gradually forget their past "merits". There was one girl who, rather, should have been said to be a little woman. At the age of 13, she could no longer live without a man. But after a while, it became enough just to look at her more strictly: "Like, what's the matter?" and that's it, she pulled herself together.

It is clear that the future of these guys largely depends on where and to whom they go. In most

in some cases, they need to be dragged, that is, to help with the choice of a profession, housing, arrangement in life. If they are left to themselves, then many will certainly face a rather difficult future. They are too unstable. They have lost too long and an important period in their lives. It is difficult for them to be like everyone else, but here also society puts pressure on them with a vengeance.

Buyanova

Taking into account a fairly large number of reasons that determine the functional failure of the family, there are very diverse approaches to the typology and classification of such families. As a system-forming criterion in drawing up a typology of functionally bankrupt families, I use the nature of the desocializing influence exerted by such families on their children.

Families with direct desocializing influences exhibit asocial behavior and antisocial orientations, thus acting as an institution of desocialization.

These include criminal-immoral families, in which criminal risk factors prevail, and immoral-asocial families, which are characterized by antisocial attitudes and orientations.

A family with an indirect desocializing influence is experiencing difficulties of a socio-psychological and psychological-pedagogical nature, expressed in violations of marital and child-parent relations, these are the so-called conflict and pedagogically untenable families, which more often, due to psychological reasons, lose their influence on children.

Criminally immoral families are the most dangerous in terms of their negative impact on children. The life of children in such families is often threatened due to abuse, drunken brawls, sexual promiscuity of parents, lack of basic care for the maintenance of children. These are the so-called social orphans (orphans with living parents), whose upbringing should be entrusted to the state-public

care. Otherwise, the child will face early vagrancy, runaways from home, complete social insecurity both from abuse in the family and from the criminalizing influence of criminal formations. "Belicheva"

Taking into account the acute social ill-being and criminality that characterize these families, it is advisable to assign social work with them to the employees of inspectorates for minors' affairs, imputing to them social patronage and social and legal protection of children from criminal-immoral families. Moreover, the criminogenic danger of such families of such families extends not only to their own children. Around such houses, as a rule, whole companies of neighboring children appear, who, thanks to adults, become involved in alcohol, vagrancy, theft and begging, a criminal subculture.

Here are some examples of a criminal and immoral family:

Nikolay F., despite the fact that he is 13 years old, has been studying in grade 3 for more than three years, is registered with the IDN for systematic absenteeism, vagrancy. For the last two years, she practically does not study at school, appears at home sporadically, spends time in the company of street friends. At the same time, the family has only a negative impact on the child. Parents believe that since they have three classes of education, then this is enough for their son. Mother and father are alcoholics, they work as janitors, and the house is completely unsanitary. The house does not have the necessary furniture, dishes, bed linen, and often there is no food. Parents periodically suffer from drinking binges, the mother, during drunken spree, regardless of her husband and children, brings strangers into the house, or she herself disappears from the house for a long time. In addition to Nikolai, there are two younger children in the family. All measures of administrative and social impact on the family in this case turned out to be inactive, one thing is necessary - the removal of children from such an obviously pernicious situation and transfer to state and public care. Neither the inspector nor the juvenile commission took these measures, the only possible measures in this case. The inspectorate was waiting for the initiative from the school, the school - from the inspection. As a result, time wasted for Nikolai. The same with such indecision awaits his younger brothers.

Here are some more examples of criminally immoral families in which the child's further stay is also impossible.

Alexander T. 12 years old, studies poorly, systematically skips, wanders, commits petty thefts. The mother died, the teenager lives with his father, who is not involved in raising the child. Recently, an older brother returned from prison. Either the drunken company of his father or his brother's friends constantly gather at the apartment. It is clear that such an environment is a dangerous criminal environment for both Alexander and his friends. However, the issue of transferring Alexander to a boarding school for the same reasons was decided within two years.

Dima N. 9 years old. Parents drank heavily, fought, the father was convicted, the mother constantly does not work anywhere, leads an immoral lifestyle, lives at the expense of frequently changing roommates, often leaves home for a long time, leaves the child unattended, in the custody of neighbors or an elderly helpless grandmother ... The boy does not have the most elementary conditions for life and study, and often remains hungry. The decision on the transfer of Dima to the boarding school was also unjustifiably delayed. "Belicheva"

The examples considered allow us to form a fairly clear idea of \u200b\u200bcriminal immoral families and the preventive measures necessary in relation to them. Timely and decisive measures taken in relation to such families could significantly reduce their dangerous criminogenic influence on their own and other people's children. However, this does not happen, since the prevention authorities do not have a clear idea of \u200b\u200bwhich of them should first of all deal with such families. Not only are the bodies and social institutions whose competence includes social and legal protection and support of children who have lost parental care because of the moral behavior of the social degradation of parents are not clearly defined, but the regulatory and legal framework for the protection and protection of childhood has not been sufficiently worked out. As a rule, we only resort to at least the deprivation of parental rights, while measures of temporary removal of children from immoral families with a temporary transfer of them for upbringing to other families would be less painful for children and more effective in influencing parents who have descended. or to orphanages. Other preventive measures should be applied to families in which functional failure has other reasons. So, for example, asocial-immoral families, which, although they belong to families with direct desocializing influence, nevertheless, in accordance with their specific socio-psychological characteristics, require a different approach.

In practice, asocial-immoral families are most often referred to as families with open acquisitive orientations, living according to the principle “the end justifies the means,” in which there are no moral norms and restrictions. The external situation in these families may look quite favorable, the standard of living is quite high, but spiritual values \u200b\u200bhave been replaced exclusively by acquisitive orientations with very indiscriminate means of achieving them. Such families, despite their outward respectability, thanks to their exclusively moral ideas, also exert a direct desocializing influence on children, directly instilling antisocial views and value orientations in them. "Belicheva"

As an example of an asocial-immoral family, the family of Natasha K. (15 years old, grade 8) can serve. Natasha is registered for depraved immoral behavior, she was repeatedly detained by vigilantes in a drunken state in the company of the same drunken teenagers.

She studies poorly, is extremely rude in relation to the teacher, classmates, is cruel, arrogant with her friends, beats up her peers. Lives with his mother, a trade worker, nickname. Mom is one of the people who “know how to live”, at home - full of wealth, carpets, crystal, expensive things. Mom broke up with Natasha's father, because he did not approve of her moral promiscuity,

and she, accordingly, attributed him to the number of losers, called him "rohley", etc.

Natasha's mother is characterized by a cynical attitude towards spiritual values, moral qualities of people. All the dignity of the individual is determined by the ability to get, have, etc.

The daughter surpassed her mother in cynicism, has no authority, is very rude to her mother, who has lost all opportunities to influence her daughter's behavior. He resorts to extreme measures, beats up his daughter, locks her with a key in the apartment.

The point of view of those who consider it necessary to remove children from socially immoral families is hardly legitimate. Despite the negative influence that such parents have on children, there is no formal reason for making a decision to remove a child from these families. In relation to such parents and children, correctional methods based on the principles of "reverse socialization" are most applicable, when parents rethink their own positions through maturing children, who quite clearly reflect the inner appearance of parents. However, a significant drawback of reverse socialization methods is their belatedness, the epiphany often comes too late to significantly change something in the personality of a teenager. A different approach is required by families with indirect desocializing influence - conflict and pedagogical untenable. "Belicheva"

A conflict family in which, for various psychological reasons, personal relationships between spouses are not built on the principle of mutual respect and understanding, but on the principle of a conflict of alienation.

Conflict families can be noisy, scandalous, where raised tones, irritability become the norm in the relationship of spouses,

and "quiet", where the relationship of the spouses is characterized by complete alienation, the desire to knock down any interaction. In all cases, a conflict family negatively affects the formation of the child's personality and can cause various asocial manifestations. "Belicheva"

For example, the family of Edik F., 15 years old, who has been registered at the Institute of Pedagogical Sciences for the third year, studies poorly, defies teachers, fights with kids, takes money from them, started smoking early, drinks, and is hard to reeducate. Outwardly, his family looks quite prosperous, a good apartment, full of prosperity, parents lead a sober lifestyle, good production workers, take care of children. Mother works as a department head in a manufactured goods store, father is a foreman at a factory. However, the relationship between parents is very alienated, like a latent chronic conflict. The mother accuses the father of not knowing how to live, the father, in turn, suspects his wife of adultery, In all the skirmishes he prefers to keep silent, stays late at work and comes home only to spend the night. He practically does not speak with either children or his wife. There is a painful, oppressive atmosphere in the house, which has a heavy effect on children, makes them "prickly", impervious to the pedagogical influences of teachers, public educators, enshrined in the IDN.

Here is another example - Dima L.'s family, 11 years old, is registered for systematic absences, neglect of studies, vagrancy. Father is a chauffeur, mother is a housewife. The family lives in a working hostel. The usual way parents communicate is scandal. The initiator of the scandals is the mother. She turns to shouting for every reason and for no reason, To her neighbors, without hesitation, she talks about all the duties of her husband, she is unhappy with him. Dima literally does not have a quiet moment at home to prepare lessons and rest. He prefers to spend time on the street, where he runs away, also from school in the event that he does not learn his lessons, which naturally happens to him quite often.

As we can see, in conflict families, the desocializing influence does not manifest itself directly through the patterns of immoral behavior or the antisocial relations of parents; here there is an indirect desocializing influence exerted by chronically complicated, unhealthy parental relationships.

When working with families, where the relationship of the spouses is chronically complicated and are actually on the verge of collapse, a teacher, social worker,

mental psychologist, in fact, must perform psycho -

therapeutic functions. That is, in a conversation with parents, it is necessary to carefully listen to both parties, try, if possible, to extinguish the spouses' displeasure with each other, to show the reasons leading to the aggravation of relations, to consolidate the relationship between the spouses, primarily based on the interests of the child.

Among the families of adolescents registered with the IDN, the most common are pedagogically unsuccessful families, in which, under relatively favorable conditions (a healthy family atmosphere, leading a correct lifestyle and taking care of children), relationships with children are incorrectly formulated, serious pedagogical mistakes are made, leading to various asocial manifestations in the minds and behavior of children. "Belicheva"

A pedagogically unsuccessful family like a conflict family does not directly desocialize influence on children. The formation of antisocial orientations in children in these families occurs because the educational role of the family is lost due to pedagogical mistakes and a difficult moral and psychological atmosphere, and in terms of the degree of its influence, it begins to yield to other institutions of socialization that play an unfavorable role.

A pedagogically unsuccessful family primarily needs psychological and pedagogical correction of the style of family education and the nature of the relationship between parents and children as the main factors that determine their indirect desocializing influence. These families first of all need the help of a psychologist who can help parents analyze the situation, adjust their style and nature of relations with the child. "Belicheva"

In practice, pedagogically unsuccessful families are the most difficult to access to identify the causes and unfavorable conditions that have a negative impact on children. To identify the unfavorable factors of family upbringing in such a family, as a rule, it is necessary to have a long and close acquaintance, the establishment of a trusting relationship by the educator both with children and with parents. Generalization of long-term observations that were carried out in the process of individual socio-pedagogical work with such families made it possible to identify the following most typical, incorrectly formed pedagogical styles in functionally unsuccessful families that cannot cope with raising children.

Permissive-condescending style when

parents do not attach importance to the misconduct of their children, they do not see anything terrible in them, they believe that "all children are like this", or reason like this: "we ourselves were like that." In such cases, it is difficult for a teacher or a psychologist to change the complacent self-satisfied mood of such parents, to force them to seriously react to problematic moments in the child's behavior.

All-round defense position , which can also be occupied by a certain part of parents, building their relationships with others on the principle "our child is always right." Such parents are very aggressive towards everyone. Who points out the wrong behavior of their children. Even the commission of a serious crime by a teenager in this case does not sober moms and dads. They continue to look for the guilty parties. Children from such families suffer from especially serious defects in moral consciousness, they are deceitful and cruel, and very difficult to re-educate.

Demonstrative style when parents, more often a mother, do not hesitate to complain about their child to each and every one, tells about his misdeeds at every corner, clearly exaggerating the degree of their danger, declares out loud that the son is growing up as a "bandit" and so on. This leads to a loss in the child of bashfulness, feelings of remorse for his actions, removes internal control over his behavior, there is anger towards adults and parents.

Pedagogical-suspicious a style in which parents do not trust their children, subject them to abusive total control, try to completely isolate them from peers, friends, strive to absolutely control the child's free time, the range of his interests, social activities. So, in this respect, the example of the behavior of Dima S.'s mother, who is registered for theft of a bicycle, is indicative. Dima is in the 5th grade, very reserved, not talkative. Mom is worried about the fact of registration, seeks not to let him out of sight for a minute. After school, the boy must go to her work, where he prepares lessons under her supervision. Then they return home, the mother does not leave her son in the room, even alone with the teacher assigned to him. She is always present during their conversation, she herself answers all the questions that the teacher asks the teenager, prohibits any of his friends from entering the house, and does not let Dima out into the street. The boy grows gloomy, looks sullenly, resembles a hunted animal, loves no one, does not feel affection for anyone, is embittered.

Tough authoritarian style inherent in parents who abuse physical punishment. The father is more inclined to this style of relationship, as he strives to brutally beat the child on any occasion, believing that there is only one effective educational method - physical violence. Children usually grow up in such cases aggressive, cruel, tend to offend the weak, small, defenseless. Representatives of the prevention authorities should stand up to protect children from parental cruelty, using all available means of influence - from persuasion to administrative - -y head coercion, a child protected from cruelty.

Exhortatory style ... Parents show complete helplessness in relation to their children, prefer to exhort, persuade endlessly, explain, not apply any volitional influences and punishments. Children in such families, as they say, "sit on their heads." In this case, a social teacher needs firmness and exactingness both in relation to the minor and his parents.

Detached, indifferent style occurs in families where parents, in particular the mother, are absorbed in the arrangement of their personal life. Having married a second time, the mother does not find time or mental strength for her children from her first marriage, she is indifferent both to the children themselves and to their actions. Children are left to their own devices, feel superfluous, tend to be at home less, with pain they perceive the indifferently detached attitude of the mother. Such children gratefully perceive the interested, benevolent attitude of the elder, are able to become attached to the boss, educator, treat them with great warmth, trust, which helps in educational work.

Help for a lost child:

1). It is necessary to make him feel that he belongs to a class, a group, that he is not rejected and occupies a very important place in the team and corresponds to this place.

2). If the child is in a group, emphasize that this is good. But do not force the child to live herd, be sure to be in a team. Remember that every child needs to be alone with himself.

3). Encourage your child to indulge in pleasurable, fun activities that require interaction with others. This is better for such a child than doing it alone.

4). Expose his chicks, essays and other things that may interest others. This will increase the child's self-confidence, a sense of self-esteem.

5). It is very helpful to praise the child when he expresses any constructive thoughts.

6). Choose an object in which the child is most interested, involve the child in working on these objects, have him demonstrate in front of the class, which can add something valuable to this area.

7). Help your child recognize and express their feelings by using reliable, safe channels such as painting, woodworking, puppet making, reading a story aloud, music, and more.

8) ... Ask your child for help in finding a solution to a problem. Many timid children hide everything, including their exceptional intellectual abilities, and teachers may sometimes be unaware of the child's potential.

9). Draw a diagram with your child to find out who they would like to work with in a group and who in the class has the greatest influence on them. Find a partner for your child and outline a plan of action with him in which they can work well.

ten). Write down every day how many times you have spoken to the lost child and how many times you have uttered different remarks and comments addressed to him. Check out the list at the end of the day; it will be a reminder of how you are doing and how your child is making progress. "Moskalenko"

Upbringing as a "family idol" often arises in relation to "late children", when a long-awaited child is finally born to middle-aged parents or a single woman. In such cases, they are ready to pray for the child. All his requests and whims are fulfilled, extreme egocentrism, egoism is formed, the first victims of which are the parents themselves.

Help for the "family idol":

1). Give him as much attention as possible, try to get to know him better, communicating one on one.

2). Try to earn his trust. If this happens, the child will throw off the lucky lucky mask and open up to you.

3). Help your child understand that it is not necessary to hide them, that it is normal to have such feelings. Write a story about someone who always laughs through tears invisible to the world. It can also be a kind of message to the child.

4). Take the clown doll; Explain how the clown might feel, what's inside (sadness) when he makes others laugh. And then let the doll play the same role in the hands of the child himself.

5). It is good if the child can express himself in any creative activity - in drawing, in music.

6). Do not miss the opportunity to emphasize what feelings are appropriate to express in this or that case. We laugh at funny things, but we get sad when difficult things happen. We get annoyed when someone makes us feel bad. If a child laughs when someone is bad, encourage him to think about this situation and in a normal voice - in no way get annoyed! - Say: “It was not at all funny when Vasya fell. He bruised his leg and was in great pain. "

7). Offer older children to keep a diary with entries - daily and weekly. Make sure no one will read it. Tell your child that he can talk to you about anything he cares about at any time - either face to face, or through this diary. "Moskalenko"

Inconsistent style - when the parents, especially the mother, do not have enough self-control, self-control to implement consistent educational tactics in the family. There are sharp emotional changes in relations with children - from punishment, tears, swearing to touching and affectionate manifestations, which leads to the loss of parental influence on children. A teenager becomes uncontrollable, unpredictable, disregarding the opinion of his elders and parents. What is needed is a patient, firm, consistent line of behavior for an educator, a psychologist. "Belicheva"

The listed examples are far from being exhausted.

typical mistakes of family education are found. For a careful look of a teacher, a psychologist, these mistakes do not present any difficulty in distinguishing. However, it is much more difficult to correct them than to detect them, since the pedagogical errors of family education are most often of a protracted chronic nature. Cold, alienated, and sometimes hostile relations between parents and children, which have lost their warmth and relationship, are especially difficult to fix and severe in their consequences.

Human relations, including family relations, as well as the feelings that color them, require constant attention and considerable "soul-shi" work for their timely restoration, otherwise the once closed hostility, hostility, and conflict will separate the warmth of family relations, becomes irreversible and create an unbearable atmosphere for the child in the house.

As you know, the emotional center of the family, which sets the tone in family relationships, is most often the mother, the woman. The nature of the relationship between mother and child from the first days and months of his life essentially determines the nature and fate of already adult children.

Particularly dangerous are the authoritarianism, rigidity, and excessive dominance of the mother, which at the present time is often manifested in many women. This kind of harsh authoritarian behavior deprivates the mental development of children and is fraught with various troubles. In the event that a child has a weak type of nervous system, this can lead to neuropsychic diseases. In the case when the child has a strong type of the nervous system, dominance, the mother's rigidity leads to serious irreparable defects in the emotional sphere, to the emotional immunity of children, a lack of empathy, aggressiveness, which can lead to cruel and serious crimes.

In general, the pedagogical failure of the family should be prevented long before the child enters the field of vision of the prevention authorities. In this regard, the psychological and pedagogical educational program that is conducted for parents can be considered a timely preventive measure.

Mental services that provide assistance to families and children will help resolve a chronic conflict situation, help parents understand the individual age and sex psychological characteristics of their children and adjust their position, conduct social and psychological trainings that form new forms of social and role behavior of spouses, parents, and growing children. The same services could carry out psychological correction of social-role behavior, communication of teachers, employees of inspectorates for minors. That is, those whose practical activities are directly related to children, adolescents and disadvantaged families. "Belicheva"

However, the advice of psychologists is unlikely to be able to provide noticeable assistance in working with criminally immoral families, where the degree of moral degradation of parents is such that admonitions and psychological measures are unsuccessful in terms of ridding people of their vices: drunkenness, a depraved lifestyle, cruelty, and other things. In this case, decisive measures are required to isolate children from an extremely unhealthy home environment and to provide social and legal assistance.

Biography:

1). Buyanov M.I. "A child from a dysfunctional family: notes of a child psychologist."

2). Belicheva S.A. "Foundations of Preventive Psychology".

3 ). "The Nature of the Child in the Mirror of Autobiography"

ed. Bim-Bada.

4). Parenting 1999 g. # 1. Moskalenko V.

"A child from an alcoholic family."

5). Psychological Issues 1991 g. №4.

6). Preschool education 1998 g. №12.

7). Family 1998 g. №47.

8). Family and School 1992 g. №2, №7, №8, №9.

9). Family and school 1994 g. №3.

10). Family and School 1995 g. №1, №3.

11). Family and School 1996 g. №7.

12). Family and School 1998 g. №2.

"Like parents, so will children." This statement implies not genetic, but social inheritance - in the process of upbringing, parents form a child's personality similar to their own. They do this either unconsciously, influencing the child by an example of their own behavior, or quite consciously, conveying attitudes and moral values.

It is not surprising that in families where parents are attentive to children, take care of them and treat each other well, children grow up to be happy, full-fledged personalities. It's amazing how children from disadvantaged families manage to grow up worthy noble people? It would seem that they have no one to focus on and rely on, an atmosphere of mutual hostility reigns in the family. But a normal child in a dysfunctional family is no exception.

Their childhood was very difficult. In families, conflicts constantly occurred, at best they ended in divorce. “At best” is not a paradox. It is preferable for a child to stay in an incomplete family than to be a constant witness to the mutual hatred of the father and mother, their intolerance towards each other.

Hostility periodically splashed out on the child, who was required to make a choice with whom he was and against whom. I heard a four-year-old boy say to his mother, "Mom, let's sell our father and buy a cow." Communication with the father continued, and the father participated in raising his son, feeling his dislike.

The child wants his parents to be happy and happy with him, just to be happy himself

When one of the parents tries to attract a child to his side and turn him against a partner, he is often ready to fulfill and encourage any of his desires, sometimes completely unacceptable - if only he was at the same time with him. Such “playing along” to the child for selfish reasons teaches manipulative behavior from early childhood and at the same time devalues \u200b\u200beverything that the parent does to demonstrate his love: the child feels that this is not a manifestation of sincere love for him, but just an attempt to appease him.

Meanwhile, only the unselfish love of parents from the first days of a child's life becomes his main value and then determines the formation of his motives and behavior. He wants his parents to be happy and happy with him, just to be happy himself.

So how do normal children grow up in families where they are deprived of all this? Fortunately, parents are not the only possible source of love, which becomes mutual and makes the child feel happy.

I am familiar with a woman beloved by friends and family. Light emanates from her, directed to all who deserve it. She is incapable of moral compromise and intolerant of low motives. Her life was tragic since childhood, but this did not break her and did not deprive her of the ability to experience happiness.

Her parents divorced early, she was lucky not to communicate with her father, because he was an insensitive robot. The mother experienced strange feelings for her daughter from an early age, similar to jealousy, and constantly tried to suppress her as a person. She waged a constant war with her, affecting her friends and relatives, insulting her in the presence of others.

How was it possible in such conditions to form an integral personality and grow up as this woman has become? I think that only thanks to a deep emotional connection with her grandmother, who was the opposite of her mother and from early childhood filled the girl's world with warmth, love and understanding. She was humanly wise, and many loved her. While she was alive, the relationship with her was a protection for the granddaughter, against which waves of mother's hostility broke.

When a child learns that there is a world where other relationships prevail, he develops independence from the depressing home environment.

This role can be played by a relative, and even a neighbor or the parents of a friend of the child - but these people must necessarily treat the child in such a way that he feels them family and can come to them for love at any time. In all the stories that I know, there was such a person.

This creates an alternative to the destructive family atmosphere. When a child learns that there is a world where different relationships reign, he develops a certain independence from the depressing home environment. There is also a critical attitude towards the parents who create it, a look at them from the outside - precisely because these domestic relationships no longer exhaust his experience of human relationships. Such a child often grows up earlier than his prosperous peers.

This is a very difficult process of personal formation, but those who have successfully passed it may prove to be more resistant to other life crises. It happens that they then find the strength to pity and forgive their parents and try to help them - but only when they no longer depend on them.

Child in a dysfunctional family

In this regard, children from such families are more likely than others to be at risk. “Children of the risk group are the category of children who, due to certain circumstances of their lives, are more susceptible to negative external influences from society and its criminals, which caused the maladjustment of minors,” 1

There are many reasons why a child may be at risk. Oliferenko L.Ya. in their work "Social and pedagogical support of children at risk" the following are distinguished:

Asocial behavior of parents, drunkenness;

Arrangement of brothels by parents;

Sexual corruption of one's own children;

The murder of one of the parents by drinking companions or by another parent in front of the child;

The stay of one of the parents in prison;

Treatment of one of the parents for alcoholism, mental illness;

Child abuse;

Leaving some young children without food and water;

Lack of permanent residence;

Runaways from home, conflicts with peers and many other reasons.

Most often, the impossibility of a child living in a family is not due to one reason, but because of their combination. Long-term exposure to such aggregates leads to mental and physical disorders in the child. There is a violation of the socialization of the child's personality.

The strongest and most difficult to heal mental wounds that a person receives in childhood are those inflicted by their own parents. "These wounds do not heal all life, incarnating in neuroses, depression, various psychosomatic illnesses, deviant behavior, loss of self-worth, inability to build your life."

Most often, a dysfunctional family is the result of the fact that parents, as children, were brought up in similar conditions of life. Parental behavior is deposited in the child's psyche, at an unconscious level, even in preschool age. In the future, a person reproduces the behavior of his parents in his family.

Due to the failure of parents to fulfill their duties, there are street children, neglected and fugitive children.

“Neglected children are children deprived of supervision, attention, care, positive influence on the part of parents or persons replacing them. A neglected child lives under the same roof with his parents, maintains ties with his family, he still has an emotional attachment to any member of the family, but these ties are fragile and are threatened with atrophy and destruction.

Street children are children who do not have parental or state care, permanent residence, age-appropriate positive knowledge, necessary care, systematic training and developmental education.

Fugitive children are children who ran away from home or an educational institution due to a break with their parents, a difficult conflict with teachers, educators, peers, deformation of value orientations and other reasons that led to a crisis in relations. "

The behavior of children from disadvantaged families is often contrary to social rules and norms. For these children, there are no authorities not among adults, not among their peers. As adults, they are more prone to delinquency than others.

2.2 Types of dysfunctional families

The criteria by which families are classified as at risk are very diverse. Different family researchers view disadvantage differently. Some classify a family as dysfunctional if only some unfavorable factor affects the whole family, others when the factor affects its individual members. Here, the criterion for identifying dysfunctional families is the position of the child and the attitude of the parents towards him.

The most powerful factor that causes dysfunction of family relationships and interferes with the family from performing its functions, as well as causing irreparable damage to the child's psyche, is the alcoholism of the parents.

Most of alcoholic parents have sick and mentally retarded children. Parental alcoholism affects the child during conception, during pregnancy and throughout life. This unfavorable factor is an example for the child. At a time when the child is being socialized and his personality is being formed, when he absorbs all the information around him like a sponge, his main reference point is alcoholic parents. Because of this, the child learns these terrible examples, in most cases, there is a lack of any upbringing at all, in the end, the child may be left without parents, become an orphan with living parents and end up in an orphanage. A child in such a family becomes like his parents, because, due to his immaturity, he cannot withstand such harmful examples. Parental drunkenness gives rise to such phenomena as social degradation, hooliganism, poor self-control, and they, in turn, cause mental disorders in children.

A teenager develops a system of meaningful attitudes towards everything that surrounds him, and this determines his further behavior. Anxiety begins to arise due to relationships with the people around him. But the most important thing at this stage of a child's development is his relationship with his parents. A strong desire to have constant self-care on the part of parents remains for a long time with children from alcoholic families.

If a child understands that he is growing up in a family that is very different from the families in which his peers are brought up, in a family in which parents abuse alcohol, in which a difficult financial situation, where little attention is paid to children, this is the reason for the formation of a negative attitude to the family, which for this child will never become the highest value. In addition, children, whose parents are drunkards, grow up much earlier than their peers from wealthy families, they are responsible for their younger brothers and sisters.

Another type of dysfunctional family is a pedagogically incompetent family. This status is given to families in which, at first glance, everything is fine, but when raising children, serious pedagogical errors arise.

In his book "A Child from a Dysfunctional Family" M. Buyanov calls a dysfunctional, first of all, a family in which there are obvious defects in upbringing, and describes the most common:

The child is brought up "like Cinderella", that is, when the child is explicitly or covertly emotionally rejected. In such a family, a child is not loved, and he knows this, because he is constantly reminded of this dislike. The reaction of children to such an attitude is different: often the child withdraws into himself, others try to attract the attention of parents to themselves, arouse their pity, or the child becomes bitter towards such parents.

Hyper-care

In this case, they try to protect the child from all possible and impossible difficulties and dangers of modern life. A child from such a family, as a rule, is deprived of the opportunity to somehow show his independence, he grows up most often irresponsible, dependent and infantile. And then it is very difficult for him to live in the world. Alcoholics, drug addicts, chronic losers are often the result of such upbringing.

Hypothesis, that is, a lack of parental guardianship. Nobody takes care of the child, his interests in the family are always put in the last place, although it cannot be said that he is not loved, it is just that the parents are not up to him - they have enough of their own problems. This happens in families where parents are concerned about arranging their personal happiness, achieving success in their careers, etc. No one will ever ask a child about his affairs and problems, no one will listen to him or help him with advice. No one will ever sacrifice their time for him. Of course, on the one hand, the child grows up independent and self-reliant, but often such an attitude towards the child leads to the fact that he feels that he is not needed by anyone, abandoned by everyone. And this neglect often ends with the addiction of children to alcohol, drugs, and their committing illegal acts.

A family in which the child is treated too strictly. They are afraid to spoil children, therefore they treat them with restraint and dryness. As a rule, children in such families are instilled with high moral standards and raised in them an increased moral responsibility. Children are well aware of “what is good and what is bad,” and often try to do the right thing. But is it good for such a child to live without parental affection? Is he happy?

Families in which there is no agreement on raising a child. These are families in which parents use one tactic in raising children, and grandparents are completely different. Because of this, the child may develop neurosis or other mental disorder.

The next type of dysfunctional families is criminal-immoral families, here the main factor that disrupts the family's fulfillment of their duties are criminal risk factors, and immoral-associal families, in which antisocial orientations prevail.

“The greatest danger in terms of their negative impact on children is represented by criminal and immoral families. The life of children in such families, due to harsh treatment, drunken brawls, promiscuity of parents, lack of elementary care for the maintenance of children, is often under threat. These are the so-called social orphans (orphans with living parents), whose education should be entrusted to the state and public care. Otherwise, the child will face early vagrancy, runaways from home, complete social insecurity both from abuse in the family and from the criminal influence of criminal formations. "

Asocial-immoral families, although they seem outwardly quite respectable, have an adverse effect on children due to their moral ideas, instill in them antisocial views. The external situation in the family is quite favorable, the standard of living is high, but spiritual values \u200b\u200bhave been replaced.

Conflict families can also be distinguished. “A conflict family, in which, for various psychological reasons, personal relationships between spouses are not built on the principle of mutual respect and understanding, but on the principle of a conflict of alienation. Conflicted families can be either noisy, scandalous, where increased tone, irritability become the norm in the relationship between spouses, and "quiet", where the relationship of spouses is characterized by complete alienation, the desire to avoid any interaction. »2

In such cases, the family also negatively affects the formation of the child's personality, is the cause of antisocial manifestations on the part of the child.

Belicheva S.A. in his work "Fundamentals of Preventive Psychology" expresses and substantiates the idea that pedagogically untenable and conflict families do not have a direct desocializing influence on children. As a result, the family as a social institution, which, first of all, should ensure the socialization of the child's personality, fades into the background,

and on the first are other institutions of socialization that have an adverse effect on the child.

Thus, it turns out that family conflicts and domestic violence, emotional discord and mismatch of family roles, drunkenness and drug addiction, improper upbringing and parental withdrawal from their problems - all this physically and mentally cripples children.

Prosperous families

When we talk about a dysfunctional family, the question immediately arises, which family is considered to be successful? There are families that are complete, but destructive, where there is no agreement, where there are constant quarrels, there are outwardly respectable families, but in them the value attitudes and behavior of parents are at odds with universal moral requirements, which affects the upbringing of children. According to the majority of respondents, a prosperous family is: firstly, a family where mutual understanding between parents and love for children reigns (58% of respondents),

secondly, this is a family where there is mutual understanding and material wealth (34% of respondents),

thirdly, these are families with material wealth (9% of the respondents).

Wealthy family.

A prosperous family in our time is not properly interpreted.

Among many, when asked what a prosperous family looks like, many are answered by a family with wealth and connections.

But this is far from the case. When a person gets married, he does not even assume what awaits him in the newly-made family, his family.

And only relying on the knowledge captured from childhood about the family and relying on the advice of parents does a person try to create his own family.

But once you take off your rose-colored glasses and plunge into everyday life, many young couples start having problems in family life.

And accordingly, in hot feelings of resentment or reluctance, their disagreements begin.

Accordingly, for others, this family is as prosperous as they cannot wash dirty linen in public, so as not to find themselves in a stupid position.

Honestly, such families rarely keep their marriage. But what is the meaning of the expression - a prosperous family.

It's all about parental relationships. Let me emphasize that it is the parents, since the child already reflects, as in a mirror, family relations.

So a prosperous family includes not a small number of life feelings.

Respect - Respect for all family members, young or old.

Forgiveness - being able to forgive and yield to each other.

Mutual understanding - to understand and accept the behavior of one of the family members in a given situation, if he does not finish saying something, then it is so necessary at the moment.

Trust - to trust and at the right time not to ask unnecessary questions, and even more so not to make a scandal when they just ask to believe me.

Wisdom - to be able to not make things worse in a difficult situation, but rather to help meekly; accordingly, be able to support each other in any situation.

Care - includes many points: cleanliness; home comfort; treatment when someone from the household is sick; food prepared without malice, which will benefit health, not harm.

Kindness - Be kind not only to yourself, but also to your children and your significant other.

Mutual assistance is the distribution of household responsibilities, so to speak, one of course can do it all, but it may not be enough for a long time.

Love - why the last point you ask, but because if you have all of the above, then you love each other and there is no point in talking about it.

Children raised in a prosperous family achieve much more in life than from dysfunctional families.