How to properly raise a boy in a family: advice from psychologists to parents. How to raise a boy to be a real man: tips

What does it take to raise a son as a real man? How to raise a boy correctly?

The issue of upbringing boys worries not only single mothers, who are acutely worried about leaving the often only man for whom there were tender feelings. Most parents often ask such questions. How to instill in your little son male behavior? How to raise him to be a real man?

According to statistics, the male population on Earth, of course, is a lot. But not every representative of the stronger sex can be called a man. Why is this happening and how to fix the situation? Let's figure it out.

Yes, you must admit that this question is already difficult in itself. And it is advisable to decide on the answer to it even before education.

It would seem that such a man is a man. But it turns out that the ideas of his "authenticity" are very different among the fair sex. After all, the duty of a man is not only to wear pants, to provide for the family financially, to drink - to smoke and to express himself sharply. With all this, women, girls and even girls ... let's say, of middle school age do an excellent job. The ability to make a decision and set a goal is quite another matter. Achieve, knowing full well that you will have to invest effort, time, resources, the same money. And to answer, first of all, to oneself for decisions and words. Say only what you understand and ask for advice on issues unknown for various reasons.

The listed qualities roughly describe the image of a man in society. Ladies still want to see him as a knight, ideally on a white horse. If there is no horse, the latest Mercedes will do.

Men respect each other for thrift, toughness and business acumen. Moderate "swagger" for women, moderate greed and the ability to stand up for oneself are also appreciated. And, of course, real male friendship, without any "snot" and sentimentality.

How do you find moderation in all this, you ask? Very simple. A man seeks and finds pleasure in all aspects of life. But it is easy to live without any of them.

Undoubtedly, such a man will be little loved. It is much easier to fall in love with a mama's son, who will read you poetry under the window and knit cozy slippers. And it is always easier to fall in love with an alpha male, a macho, from whom testosterone is rushing for kilometers around. But is such a person you would like to see with you all your life? Are you ready to become a mommy to the first or constantly endure betrayal and neglect of the second? Think about it.

A real man will be respected. For the most part, respect for him appears immediately, involuntarily. As if it couldn't be otherwise. And, of course, such a man of about thirty will be formed. Several years in both directions will not make a fundamental difference.

How to raise a son like this? Surely you need to know some "secrets"? Undoubtedly, the foundation of male behavior is laid in childhood.

When to start bringing up masculine qualities in a boy? The answer is simple ... the sooner the better. This is, according to (anti) scientific and psychological canons, at the age of 14, the wind blows in the boys' heads, and a little below the waist - childhood. At the age of 16, Arkady Gaidar, a writer and participant in the Civil War, and not a politician, commanded a regiment of the Special Purpose Units. In other words, an analogue of modern special forces. After the Great Patriotic War, 14-year-olds were shooting German mines. In 2005, fifteen-year-olds took part in rescue operations, preserving the health and peace of the inhabitants of cities with a population of over one million.

Science ignores these cases. Practicing psychologists explain: by the fifth year of life, boys from games show a range of interesting activities. By the sixth or seventh year, the rudiments of actions that set future professions are formed. The boy is psychologically ready to receive professional knowledge along with general education.

In the tenth year of his life, the boy has ready not only the makings of professions, but also some knowledge about them. For several years, the future man has been actively absorbing the necessary information. At the same time, he receives life lessons: what friendship is, and how it breaks down. Do all the debts pay off, and why do you need money at all. And also much and much more.

Alas, the education system, originally from the prosperous USSR, is unable to give many lessons. At 5 - 6 years old, the boy is transformed. The son's attention is switched from the source of care - the mother, to the father, as the main symbol of masculinity. The child becomes more interested in other male relatives - uncles, grandfathers, older brothers.

To tell a ten-year-old boy that he will soon become a man is to say nothing. The son will hear you, but he is unlikely to understand what it is about. After all, the ideal of masculine qualities is still ahead, and today - tomorrow more important tasks will have to be solved. For example, go for a walk with Vanka or let Pashka write off mathematics in exchange for geography. The words about the futility of cheating are completely incomprehensible to the child. After all, you can get an assessment now and without effort, and sometime later ... you can open a textbook.

A child even younger understands and even less. Even the word "character" is a mystery, and even more so - a man's. The young man has no time to listen to his elders, and he has no desire. After all, he is psychologically self-sufficient, it is time to show knowledge - skills to the world. Roughly speaking, you have to be a man by the time you reach puberty. Of course, many men remain children at 40, and it's never too late to grow up. Still, the sooner the better.

A positive example of a man in the family plays an important role. When dad is a real man, most likely, the son will look up to him and imitate him in every way. It is not for nothing that the proverb says: "Do not bring up children, educate yourself - after all, children will still be like you." But do not underestimate the role of mom in this difficult process. If the mother respects and loves the father, admires him, the boy will also strive to become like dad. Otherwise, when a mother in front of her children in every possible way humiliates, "nags" her man, shows disrespect to him, there is every chance to raise insecure males who will never become real men.

Contrary to popular belief, sport is not just about physical health. Of course, if the load is a joy and no doping. Most successful men in their 70s and even 80s are actively involved in sports. Skiing, swimming, skydiving and hiking. The secret is simple: sport makes men feel their own strength and relieve stress.

The medical rationale for this effect is as follows: stress is a combination of conditions and reactions of the body to strong or long-term exposure to stimuli, and is characterized by the sequential development of three phases. At the first stage, the body responds to the effect adequately to force, tries to evade in every possible way. On the second, it adapts to the impact and reacts only when it changes abruptly. The third stage is characterized by depletion of the body; as a result, reactions become distorted and abnormal. At this stage, health deteriorates sharply.

Primitive man had a very limited list of stresses and only two ways to resolve it. The first is to run away. The second is to catch up and eat. We got not only these mechanisms, but also the third one: to throw out boiled emotions, that is, the same resolution of psychological stress through action.

American firms are setting up psychological relief rooms where employees can yell at dummies and photos of their boss. The Japanese in similar rooms offer the employee to beat the boss to their fullest not only with their hands, but also with furniture or even wooden models of knives. Our family or gym becomes such a psychological relief room. You can jog to relieve fatigue after a tedious office, squeeze the barbell and prove to yourself: I'm still oh-ho and can do a lot of things. Only the body has to get used to stress from childhood.

Of course, you must gradually teach your child to play sports. At least one exercise per muscle group and three sets per day. After all, big always starts small.

Sports also provide an environment for personal growth. After all, the sports section instills many skills of a real man. This is the ability to set a goal, and the skill to calculate strength, and the difficult thing for people outside of sports is time management. Use it! Enjoy success together!

Yes, in sports there are also defeats. Boys need to be supported, explained how losing in sports becomes an important step towards victory. This teaches you to analyze your mistakes and avoid them in the future.

At a certain stage of a man's development, topics appear that are not discussed in the family for various reasons. They are discussed with the coach. Yes, it is often the coach who becomes the second father and helps the boys grow up. Even if the "child" is already under 50 and a family is waiting at home.

Returning to the family. Boys' homes need to be supported. Help in difficulties. Agree to the help of a little man. Even if after it you have to redo it. After all, this is how the first interests of the future man are manifested, and the main steps on the path of the already forgotten chivalry. It is important to develop interests, if possible, in a specialized section or circle. After all, this is also an environment for a man's personal growth, the first step towards a white Mercedes. Further steps will be easier and more advantageous in comparison with peers who lack the skills of a specialized circle.

1. Teach your little son good manners: use the polite words "thank you" and "please", offer help, shake hands with women, make way for public transport, etc. These skills will make the world around your boy a little better and kinder;
2. Teach your son to verbalize his feelings. A small child may hide his face from embarrassment, scream with despair, cry with fear, or bite with excitement. Your task is to explain to him that these are normal emotions. They dictate how the body should behave. It is very important to discuss your own emotions with the boy. One day he will grow up, and thanks to your help, he will know and feel the difference between embarrassment and anger, grief and disappointment. He will learn to cope with his emotions normally, to express them correctly, while not feeling embarrassed or guilty;
3. Teach your son to be in order: teach him to clean up after himself, wash socks, cook, iron shirts. Yes, it may well be that such skills will never be useful to him, but at some point his future wife will be very grateful to you;
4. Encourage your child to read. Read books to him, read with him. Share with him what you read. Tell him about your favorite characters and books, explain why it is so important for everyone to read books. Discuss what you have read with your son, fantasize, think out, draw his favorite fairy tales;
5. Give your son guidelines - examples of smart, good, strong, courageous, honest and talented people. Tell him about great artists, writers, travelers, scientists, researchers, astronauts, artists, photographers. Study their lives and success stories together;
6. Give him the opportunity to believe in something. More than once, your boy will have to experience anxiety or fear, grief or pain, or just need his mother when she is not around. So give him something that he can always turn to when he feels bad, so that he knows - he will never be alone;
7. Teach him to play. As much as you want, your little one cannot always be a winner. Explain to him that people sometimes win and sometimes they lose. But this does not mean that you have to give up and give up what you started. Mistakes open up further possibilities. And then defeats will become steps to victory;
8. Teach the boy that sometimes it is necessary - and it is not at all a shame - to be very gentle - for example, to little children, flowers, animals, feelings of other people;
9. Explain to your son that practice is very helpful in achieving perfection. And this applies not only to music or sports, but to all things in life. Help him develop the right habits that can help an adult man to easily and without problems cope with the tasks in life;
10. Answer the questions: "Why?" Look for answers together. Show your son where to find the answer (for example, ask dad, grandfather, or grandmother, look in an encyclopedia, or on the Internet). Ask counter questions to encourage the boy to think for himself;
11. Give dad an opportunity to teach his son the most important things. Over time, the boy will form the correct opinion: dad knows and can do everything in the world. Of course, you will forever remain a beloved mother for your son, but for a boy, dad is a special person who knows exactly the answers to all questions;
12. Give the boy the opportunity to help. Do not force, but give an opportunity! Become an example for your son - help each other and other people.

In addition, psychologists strongly recommend that you feel free to kiss and hug little boys! Any mother of little sons will confirm that in childhood they are very loving and gentle. Therefore, do not forget to kiss and hug your child, especially when he is naughty and naughty. Do not be afraid that the boy will grow up to be a sissy - you will simply satisfy his natural and urgent need for love.

Male gaze

A man is brought up, first of all, by action. And in all other queues - too. This does not mean that the boy only needs to be ordered - "do your homework" or "wash the dishes." Such treatment will help grow a weak-willed worm out of a small man, completely deprived of the opportunity to independently set goals in life. The boy needs situations that require ingenuity, strength and knowledge. Of course, according to his capabilities. Such situations are given by minor repairs in the garage or helping the father to fix furniture. For such situations, fathers need to be at home more, communicate and fool around with their sons. After all, active games with bodily contact lay the foundations of trust in the family. And yes, active games are also a sport, without which men, like without air.

Grow up with your son, and be happy!

Female gaze

Every mother wants to raise her little son as a real man. Even when he still does not know how to speak, walk, and only smiles timidly with a toothless mouth, his mother already sees him as a big and strong knight. Of course, there are still years and years before that, but I really want to help him become just that, real ...

Naturally, it will not be superfluous to listen to the opinion of experts. But no less important for a mother should be her own intuition and love for her child. After all, it is very difficult to say in advance whether the image of “big and strong” that you have prepared for him in your thoughts will suit your boy? And if he grows up not as a banker with a fat suitcase or a famous sportsman, but as a creative artist or a musician, won't that make him a real man?

Perhaps our framework and ideas about the "authenticity" of men are still a little stereotyped. Anyway, I personally would like my son to grow up to be a happy person. In the view in which he himself will see it. And, of course, parents should help him with this. Not to impose, not dictate, not lead in the direction we need. Namely, help to understand yourself, to find yourself.

As for little boys ... Mom needs to become a home for her son. When a small child learns to walk, he only steps away from his mother a few steps, and then comes back again. When he learns to draw, your proud smile will be so important to him. When he is fond of football, he will look for your face on the podium. And even when he becomes an adult and very strong, and a new woman, his own family and his home appears in his life, you will still remain his mother. Always loving and confident in him and in his "authenticity."

Evgeny and Anna Kutyavin

How to raise a real man from a boy?

They say that it is necessary to start raising a child when he is still lying across the bench. However, Hindus believe that education begins much earlier. Once a young woman came to the sage and asked for advice:

Tell me how to raise your son.
- How old is he? the sage asked sternly.
- He was just born yesterday.
“You are exactly nine months and one day late.

That's it. Education does not even begin from the cradle, but already in the womb. But these are all parables. If you are closer to life, then you will have to admit: how to raise a real man from a boy, many parents think only when with chagrin they notice in their son "woman's" features: self-doubt, inability to stand up for themselves, unwillingness to take take responsibility, etc. We women often complain that a real man cannot be found with fire in the afternoon. But, dear mothers, we ourselves bring up our sons such fools. Therefore, advice: step on the throat of your own song and listen to what psychologists say. You look, draw far-reaching conclusions for yourself.

A boy is not a girl

Something, and all parents know this. And, according to the observations of psychologists, sons are treated completely differently than daughters. When the toddler stumbles and falls, crying in pain, they will surely say to him: “What are you? Men do not cry!" If the same toddler asks for his hands, he will again be shown that he is not a girl and therefore must go himself.

Neuropsychologists, having studied the attitude of parents to sons and daughters, came to disappointing conclusions: boys are less often taken in their arms, more often scolded, they are more often told directly what to do: move away, bring, do, in relation to sons, parents often use the commanding tone and the word " should".

Do you think this is how you raise a man? You are wrong! The son, of course, will remember that real men never cry, and will hold back tears. He will not even show how it hurts or upsets him. The result is that stress will accumulate and eventually "bite" its "owner" well, if not to death. After all, if you don't give way to emotions, serious health problems will begin. Due to restraint, our men are more at risk of cardiovascular diseases, including heart attacks, and diseases of the gastrointestinal tract. They never cry, and therefore live less than women who know how to cry and shout out their grief. In addition, if the boy is crying, then he needs your psychological support. And it is cruel to deny him this.

But boys are not girls. And, while educating them, one must also take into account the peculiarities of physiology. Therefore, the boys' games are not the same as those of the girls. The boys are more mobile, more energetic, they more often and more willingly run after each other, compete in the range and accuracy of the throw, they strive to fill all the space at their disposal. "I'll sit in a corner so that no one is fired - it's not about them." Do you know why? Because in their games, boys often rely on distant vision. And that's why boys need as much free space as possible for normal development. If they do not grab it, the little ones begin to master vertical surfaces: they climb stairs, climb onto wardrobes and sofas.

I read this and thought: my toddler will not ignore a single staircase. When we walk, all stairs along the way are his. Indeed, there is not enough space in our apartment. So we will get rid of unnecessary furniture and things.

Attention, mothers: when making a remark to your son, be sure to say what exactly you are unhappy with. Boys are always interested in the essence of the assessment, what exactly is wrong in his behavior. The fact is that, upon hearing the remark, the little boy should be able to replay his actions. Don't give him long lectures. He will react only to your first words. The boy cannot maintain emotional stress for a long time. Therefore, if emotions increase in the course of the conversation, and the conversation itself drags on, the boy will simply turn off, the information will not reach his consciousness.

Takeaway: Boys have one-third more muscle mass and red blood cells than girls. This means that they need to move, throw out the accumulated energy. Hence, outdoor games, an urgent need for physical activity. Take this circumstance into account and direct your son's energy in the right and useful direction. For example, involve them in homework. Let her help you wash the dishes, sweep or mop the floors, go to the store and carry the bags home. And, of course, the men in the house are obliged to demonstrate a gentle and respectful attitude towards women. The male example before your eyes means a lot. And no suggestions and words can replace him.

Tenderness above all

A little boy must be taken care of. Do you want him to be happy in family life, to become a caring and loving husband and father? So set an example of how to take care of children and loved ones! A person who does not know what a mother's affection, kisses, is never able to show tenderness towards other people. And willy-nilly, he will pick up a life partner in your image and likeness. Think about it: if you want him to choose an affectionate, caring and loving person as his wife, become such in relation to your son.

And be sure to buy a doll and a stroller for your baby. Yes, imagine, boys have to play with dolls too. Your son is a future father. And how else can he hone his “fatherly” skills if there is no “child” at hand - a doll? Let him rock the baby doll in his arms, put him to bed and roll him in a stroller.

Don't worry, time will pass, and at the age of six your son will be more willing to run to play football than sit on your lap.

In general, boys no less than girls need affection and proof of parental love. And at the same time, psychologists advise to tell your son as often as possible that he is a boy and at the same time use the epithets "brave", "hardy," courageous. If, for example, the baby fell, bumped and didn't cry, be sure to praise him, mark: “Well done! Another would have cried, but you endured. "

Male parenting

Alas, our boys are very often brought up by women - mothers, grandmothers, educators and teachers. In kindergartens, women often work, and in schools, male teachers can be counted on one hand. And what happens? Women "adjust" boys to their "standard." They scold for mobility and noise, they constantly say that a good baby is an obedient baby. In early childhood, auditory images are imprinted in the subconscious, so there is no need to be surprised later, reaping the fruits of their own upbringing.

It turns out that it was not in vain that in noble families serf uncles were assigned to boys and hired not governesses, but tutors for them. And in peasant families, boys were taught from an early age to hard male labor. We are constantly afraid that something bad will happen to our sons, and in every possible way we limit their initiative, we are reinsured. As one friend of mine said, she is raising her son “for herself,” that is, one that is convenient for her.

Psychologists advise such mothers to take a closer look at fathers walking with children. Dads are near the kids, but they never shout: “Petya, get away from the slide! Don't climb the wall! " They simply insure their children and, if necessary, help to overcome the obstacle. In short, take a closer look and observe in which cases dads leave the decision to the discretion of the children, and when they do not yield one iota. And reel not on a mustache, so on something else and try to follow the male example.

By the way, if mothers prefer calm or educational games, then fathers arrange fuss and confusion. And the boys like it so much! Maybe that's why children value communication with their father so much and often complain that this communication is not enough for them.

This does not mean at all that you have to become such a man in a skirt. On the contrary, a woman is simply obliged to show her weakness, to give a man the opportunity to feel strong, even if this man is only five or six years old. And, by the way, psychologists say that every second homosexual was brought up by harsh authoritarian methods. Weak mothers have strong sons and vice versa.

But here it is very important not to go too far. Do not suppress the boy's emotional impulses. Otherwise, he will become closed, and you will kill the creativity in him. If a boy wants to dance, let him dance. This will not make a girl out of him. On the contrary, he will learn a chivalrous attitude towards girls.

Conclusions: It is better to educate a boy not by words, but by personal example. Praise your little man as often as possible, create situations where he could show his best side. A father and son must have "male" secrets and hobbies - long walks, housework, sawing, or other male business.

What toys do we choose

We have already said about dolls. A kid at the age of three or four already needs to buy "male" toys. It's not about toy automatic pistols, but about sets that introduce kids to professions. And for boys, of course, it is better to choose restrained colors in toys and clothes.

At five or six years old, boys show interest in instruments. Give your son a hammer and show him how to hammer in a nail, let him try to cope with a jigsaw, a plane. Naturally, under the careful guidance of adults, but nevertheless independently. The sooner men begin to involve boys in men's affairs, the better. First, just tell them what you are doing. Then ask for tools. Let the child be "in the wings." This will raise his self-esteem, the boy will feel his involvement in a serious adult business. Again, encourage the urge to participate in this kind of work. Let not everything work out, but participation itself is important. In no case should you discourage the hunt and shout: “What are you awkward, clumsy! Don't you understand how to hammer in a nail? "

And the older the boy gets, the more often he needs to talk about the chivalrous attitude towards girls. Did the kid notice the difference between the anatomical structure of a boy and a girl? Well done! Tell him, “That's right, boys are different from girls. You are stronger, so you have to give in to girls, take care of them, not allow them to carry heavy things, ”and so on. etc.

The image of a real man should live in the soul of every boy. Alas, cinema often offers images that are not at all those that we should take for samples. But in order for a boy to develop normally, the ideal must gradually find its embodiment in specific people. The hero must become his own, close. Alas, our sons often find no one other than the primitive heroes of American detectives and action films as an example worthy of imitation.

What to do? Think about books. All Russian classical literature is built on such images. And the heroes of Gaidar, at least Malchish-Kibalchish, Lev Kassil, Anatoly Rybakov? Panteleev generally has a whole cycle of stories about exploits and heroes. In general, carefully review your library and film library and unobtrusively offer your son a truly image worthy of being imitated. The youthful craving for romanticism is ineradicable. This is an obligatory stage in the development of every personality. And even if the ideal is unattainable, you still need to strive for it. The bar cannot be underestimated. Striving for the best, and the person himself becomes much better. It is the parents' job to offer this pattern and maintain the desire for the ideal.

Conclusion: a mother should give her son as much of her mother's love and tenderness as possible, teach him self-service skills. Then your son will never feel helpless, and the future daughter-in-law will mentally say “thank you” more than once or twice.

The father must show his son an example of respectful attitude towards a woman, and not in words, but in deeds. By the example of men, the son will learn to protect the weak, take responsibility for the family and loved ones, and be independent.

The conclusion is final and irrevocable: if there is a real man in the family, you don't have to worry about your son: in ninety cases out of a hundred he will grow up the same.

Raising boys is not a woman's business. So it was believed in ancient Sparta and therefore early separated the sons from the mother, transferring them to the care of male educators. This was also the opinion in old Russia. In noble families, from birth, a male baby was looked after not only by a nanny, but also by a serf "uncle", and not governesses, but governors were invited to the six or seven-year-old boys.

Boys from the lower classes, simply because of life circumstances, quickly plunged into the male environment, joining in male affairs. Suffice it to recall Nekrasov's textbook poem "Little man-with-marigold", whose hero is only six (!) Years old, and he already carries firewood home from the forest, perfectly manages a horse and feels like the breadwinner of the family.

Moreover, the labor education of boys was considered the duty of the father or other adult men of the family. “Observers unanimously confirm the conclusion about the exclusive role of the father and, in general, the elders in the family of men in the upbringing of sons,” wrote the researcher of Russian peasant life, historian N.A. Minenko. Only in the most extreme case, when there were no men around, the role of the male educator fell to the woman. However, in the XX century, everything has changed, and raising children the further, the more it becomes a purely female occupation. In kindergarten, the "mustachioed nanny" can be found only in the movies. And men do not rush to school. No matter how many of them were called there, but still, practically in any school there are an order of magnitude less teachers than female teachers.

In such a situation, the main burden falls on the family, but even in a family, not all children have an example of a man before their eyes! The number of single mothers is growing. As well as the number of one-child families. Without any exaggeration, we can say that millions of modern boys are deprived of serious male influence during the most important period of their development, when stereotypes of sex-role behavior are formed in them. And as a result, they acquire female attitudes, female views on life.

Advantages of a man: moderation and accuracy. And also the ability to embroider with satin stitch

In our psychological classes, we give the boys a little test: we ask them to draw a ladder of ten steps and write on each step some quality of a good person. Above - the most important, below - the most, in their opinion, insignificant. The result is impressive. Often, teenage boys point out among the most important traits of a good person ... diligence, perseverance, accuracy. They just don't call the ability to embroider with satin stitch! But courage, if present, is on one of the last steps.

Moreover, mothers, who themselves cultivate such ideas about life in their sons, then complain about their lack of initiative, inability to rebuff the offender, unwillingness to overcome difficulties. Although where does the desire to overcome difficulties come from? What do sons in many families hear every hour, if not every minute? - “Don't go there - it’s dangerous, then don’t do it - you will hurt yourself, don’t lift weights - you will overstrain, don’t touch, don’t climb, don’t dare ...” What kind of initiative can you talk about with such education?

Of course, the fear of mothers is understandable. They have only one son (one-child families most often suffer from hyperprotection), and mothers are afraid that something bad might happen to the boy. Therefore, they reason, it is better to play it safe. But this approach is humane only at first glance. You will ask why? - Because, in fact, selfish considerations are hidden behind it. Gresh is overprotective, mothers and grandmothers bring up the child FOR THEMSELVES, bring up the way they are SUITABLE.

And don't think seriously about the consequences. Although you should think about it. After all, even from an egoistic point of view, this is shortsighted. By drowning out masculinity in a child, women distort the masculine nature, and such gross violence cannot go unpunished. And it will surely hit the family with a ricochet.

Twelve-year-old Pasha looked nine years old. Answering questions (even the most simple ones, such as "What school do you go to?", "What films do you like?"), He shrank into a ball, fiddled with the hem of his sweater, spoke without looking up. And he was constantly shivering, as if his clothes were rubbing his skin. He was tormented by fears, he did not fall asleep in the dark, he was afraid to be alone at home. At school, too, everything was not thank God. Going to the blackboard, Pasha babbled something unintelligible, although he knew the material by heart. And before the control tests, he began to shake so much that he could not sleep at midnight and every two minutes he ran to the toilet. In elementary school, Pasha was often beaten, taking advantage of the fact that he did not dare to fight back. Now they beat less, because the girls began to intercede. But, as you know, this does not add to Pasha's joy. He feels insignificant and escapes from painful thoughts, heading into the world of computer games. In them, he feels invincible and crushes numerous enemies.

“I used to read so much, I went to the theater and museums with pleasure. Now she refuses everything and sits in front of the computer all day, - Pash's mother grieves, not realizing that she herself drove him into a vicious circle. This is a rough portrait of a weak-willed boy crushed by overprotection. Those who are internally stronger begin to show negativism and demonstrativeness.

“I don’t understand what happened to my son. He was a normal person, but now he takes hostility towards everything. You are his word, he is ten for you. And most importantly, no responsibility! If you instruct to buy something, you will spend the money on something completely different, and even lie with three boxes. He always strives to do it in defiance, to get into some kind of adventure. Our whole family is kept in suspense, we need an eye and an eye behind him, like a little one, - the mother of such a child complains, also not understanding who is to blame for his recalcitrant infantile antics.

As a result, in adolescence, both boys are likely to fall into the so-called "risk group".

Pasha may become a victim of violence and attempt suicide, another boy may drop out of school, get carried away with hard rock and discos, go all-out in search of easy money, become addicted to vodka or drugs. That is, even the health of the child, i.e. the goal for which his masculinity was sacrificed - and that will not be achieved!

School of Courage

If you seriously think about the future of your son, then you should not protect his every step. Although, of course, each parent determines the measure of risk himself, based on his characterological characteristics and the character of the child. One of my acquaintances, a truly iron lady, brings up her sons on the model of the ancient Spartans. A two-year-old toddler stomps next to her on a mountain under the scorching sun. And to the top is neither more nor less - one and a half kilometers! And he goes to the far distant lands to swim alone with his older brother, who has just passed the sixth, like Nekrasov's ... I’m even scared to hear about it, but she believes that it is simply impossible to raise sons otherwise.

But I think most mothers are not nervous about this approach. Better to prefer the middle ground. To get started, take a trip to the playground and watch the children walking there under the supervision of their fathers. Pay attention to how much more relaxed fathers are about the falls of their babies. They do not discourage their sons from a dangerous place, but help them overcome difficulties. And they cheer up instead of stopping, pulling back. This is the male type of reaction, which is lacking in the upbringing of today's boys.

In general, it is usually easier for fathers to deal with sons than mothers. It is a fact. But different explanations are given to him. Most often, wives say that their husbands see children less often, face them less often in everyday life, and that sons have "less allergies" to them. But I am convinced that this is something else. If a child has a normal relationship with his mother, he is only glad when she is more at home. And he has no "allergy" to it! But when there is no mutual understanding, when a banal toothbrushing develops into a PROBLEM, then "allergy", of course, appears.

No, it's just that the fathers themselves were boys and did not completely forget their childhood. For example, they remember how humiliating it is when you are afraid to fight back. Or when, as if you were a fool, they dictate to you which hat to wear, which scarf to tie. Therefore, observe where they are inferior to their sons, and in what, on the contrary, they are solid as flint. And try to assess it objectively, without any hidden grudges. After all, men often turn out to be right, accusing their wives of spoiling their sons, and then they themselves cry from this. Of course, masculinity education takes place differently at different ages.

In a very small, two-year-old child, endurance can and should be encouraged. But just not the way adults try to do, reprimanding the fallen baby: “What are you crying? It doesn't hurt you! Be a man!" Such "upbringing" leads to the fact that at the age of 5-6 a kid who is tired of humiliation declares: "I'm not a man! Leave me alone". It is better to proceed from the "presumption of innocence": since he is crying, then he needs to be pitied. Whether he was hit or scared - it doesn't matter. The main thing is that the baby needs psychological support from the parents, and it is cruel to refuse it. But when he hits and does NOT cry, it is worth noting and praising his son, focusing on his masculinity: “Well done! That's what a real guy means. Another would have cried, but you endured. "

In general, say the word "boy" with the epithets "brave" and "hardy" more often. After all, babies usually hear at this age that “good” is obedient. And in early childhood, many auditory and visual images are imprinted at the subconscious level. As you know, people who once heard a foreign speech in infancy, subsequently easily master this language and are distinguished by good pronunciation, even if they begin to learn the language from scratch after many, many years.

The same thing happens with ideas about life and people. Early impressions leave a deep imprint and subsequently invisibly guide many of our actions. A three or four year old child should buy more "male" toys. Not only pistols and cars. I already wrote that it is useful to acquaint sons with male professions.

Among other things, it will distract the child from the computer, from the countless virtual murders that generate only fear and bitterness in the child's soul. It is very good to combine stories with role-playing games, buying or making different paraphernalia for them: firefighters' helmets, a ship's wheel, a police baton ... It's better that these toys are not very bright. Motley is for girls. Choose calm, restrained, courageous tones, because the suggestion goes not only at the level of words, but also at the level of color.

Boys of five to six years old usually take an interest in carpentry and metalwork tools. Don't be afraid to give them a hammer or a penknife. Let them learn to hammer in nails, plan, saw. Under the supervision of adults, of course, but still independently. The sooner the boy starts helping one of the grown men, the better. Even if his help is purely symbolic. For example, giving your dad a screwdriver in time is also very important. This elevates the boy in his own eyes, allows him to feel his involvement in the "real business." Well, dads, of course, should not be annoyed if the son does something wrong.

And even more so it is unacceptable to shout: "Your hands are growing out of the wrong place!" In this way, you can only achieve that the son will no longer have any desire to help.

“When a locksmith comes to us,” the headmistress of a kindergarten, who pays great attention to the development of male qualities in boys, and female qualities in girls, told me, “I specially send the boys to help him, and they line up. We, as, indeed, everywhere, have many children from single-parent families, and for some this is the only opportunity to join men's activities. "

It is very important for single mothers to adopt this simple technique. Indeed, among adolescents of the "risk group" the majority of single-parent families. Lacking a positive pattern of male behavior in front of their eyes, boys easily copy negative ones. With very dire consequences for themselves. Therefore, try to find a person among your relatives, friends or neighbors who, at least sometimes, could adapt the little boy to some male business. And when your son grows up a little, find out what clubs and sections where men teach in your area. Do not spare your efforts, find a leader who would suit your boy's heart. Trust me, it will pay off with interest.

Already in older preschool age, boys should be guided by a chivalrous attitude towards girls. In the same kindergarten, the guys are so accustomed to letting girls go ahead that one day, when the teacher forgot about this rule, there was a jam at the door: the boys did not want to go before the girls. In the classroom in our psychological theater, we also praise the boys for their nobility, when they agree that the girls will be the first to perform. And we see how beneficial this affects their self-esteem and relationships in the group.

Going to school, the child moves to another age category, becomes "big". This is a favorable moment for the further development of masculinity. Start accustoming him to make way for older people on the subway.

And with what readiness little boys, even a four-year-old small fry, rush to drag chairs! How happy they are when they are called strong men! Still, after all, public recognition of masculinity is worth a lot ...

Outdoor games

This is truly a problem, because not all families have apartment conditions that allow a child to saturate his physical activity. And adults are now very tired, and therefore cannot stand unnecessary noise. However, the boys just need to make some noise, and play pranks, and fight. Of course, not at night, so that they are not overexcited. And, of course, adults need to make sure that the boy fuss does not develop into a carnage. But you cannot deprive children of the opportunity to throw out energy. Especially those who attend kindergarten or go to school. After all, many of them in a strange team are holding back with their last bit of strength, and if they are forced to walk on line at home, the guys will have a nervous breakdown.

Boys are generally more noisy and warlike than girls on average. These are gender features. And mothers should not stop it, but ennoble, elevate, elevate. Tell your son interesting plot twists of the "war game".

Romanticize her by inviting him to mentally travel back to the olden days, imagine himself as an ancient Russian knight, a Scandinavian Viking or a medieval knight. Make him cardboard armor and a sword for this. Buy some colorful, interesting book or videotape that will make his imagination work.

Where does the hero live?

Speaking about the education of masculinity, one cannot ignore the question of heroism. What to do? It just so happened that the upbringing of boys in Russia has always been not just courageous, but truly heroic. And because we often had to fight. And because only very hardy, persistent people could survive in such a harsh climate as ours. Almost all Russian writers paid tribute to the theme of the feat. It can be said that this is one of the leading themes of Russian literature. Remember how much the heroes of the war of 1812 meant to Pushkin's contemporaries? And what fame the young Tolstoy won with his stories about the heroic defense of Sevastopol!

And each generation has left its heroic mark in history. Times changed, some pages of the past were rewritten, but the general attitude towards heroism remained unchanged. The clearest example of this is the intensified forging of new heroes after the revolution. How many poems were composed about them, how many films were shot! Heroes and heroic cults were created, implanted, supported.

What was it for? - Firstly, the acquaintance of children with the exploits of their ancestors caused them an involuntary respect for their elders. And this greatly facilitated the task of educators, because the basis of pedagogy is the authority of adults. You can equip classrooms with the latest computers, you can develop highly scientific, effective methods. But if the students don’t give a penny to teachers, there will still be no sense. In recent years, alas, many parents have been able to see this.

And secondly, it is impossible to raise a normal man, if you do not demonstrate to him in childhood and adolescence, romantic examples of heroism. Look at kids about five or six years old. How their eyes light up at the word "feat"! How happy they are if they are called daredevils. It would seem, where does this come from in them? After all, now heroism is not held in high esteem.

Now it is much more common to hear that risking oneself in the name of high ideals is at least unreasonable. But the fact of the matter is that in such moments the mechanisms of the unconscious are turned on. A vague image of a real man lives in the soul of every boy. This is inherent in nature itself, and for normal development, boys need this image to gradually become a reality, finding its embodiment in specific people. Moreover, it is important that the heroes are their own, easily recognizable, close. Then it is easier for the boys to relate them to themselves, it is easier to follow them.

And now, perhaps for the first time in Russian history, a generation is growing up that almost does not know the heroes of the past and has absolutely no idea about the heroes of our time. Not because they do not exist in nature. It's just that the adults suddenly decided that heroics were outdated. And they tried to do without her.

Now we are reaping the first fruits, and although the harvest is not yet fully ripe, we have something to think about.

Dad's savior - a prize!

Several years ago, we developed a heroism survey for teenagers. The questions are simple, but very revealing. For example: "Do you need heroes?", "Would you like to be like any hero?" If yes, then to whom? "," Have you ever dreamed of accomplishing a feat? " Until recently, most of the boys answered in the affirmative. Now more and more people write “no”.

In the last teenage group, with which we studied, seven boys out of nine (!) Said that heroes are not needed, they do not want to be like heroes and they do not dream of a feat. But the girls answered all three questions: “Yes”.

Even a secondary school student wrote that if the world was left without heroes, there would be no one to save people. So the girls with ideas of heroism were all right. But this is some kind of weak consolation. We were especially impressed by the answer to the last question. If you remember, in the early 90s a ferry sank in the Baltic Sea. And during the disaster, a fifteen-year-old boy saved his father. Then they wrote a lot about this, and one of the youth newspapers appealed to the boy with an appeal to respond - they wanted to present him with a prize. The idea of \u200b\u200breceiving a prize for saving our own father seemed so wild and immoral to us that we could not help but react to it. And they included in the questionnaire the question of the legality of awarding a person with a prize for saving the pope. A couple of years ago, almost all teenagers wrote that, of course, no prize was needed. And many explained: "The biggest reward is that the father survived." Now opinions are divided. In the aforementioned teenage group, the girls again answered normally, and the boys demanded awards. How do you like these defenders of the family and fatherland?

High road romance

But on the other hand, the youthful craving for romance is ineradicable. This is an obligatory stage in the formation of a personality. If it is not passed, the person cannot develop normally. Moreover, first of all, oddly enough, it affects intellectual development, which is sharply inhibited. For oligophrenics, for example, the loss of the romantic phase is generally characteristic (one of the most famous psychiatrists, Prof. Vasilchenko GV wrote about this).

So, rejecting real heroism, many teenagers are looking for it anyway. But only surrogates are found, as is irrefutably evidenced by the growth of juvenile delinquency. Having closed the teenage clubs, we just pushed the guys out into the gateway.

And having canceled the game of Zarnitsa, they doomed them to a much more harmful and sucking game of the mafia. Which for many quickly becomes not a game, but a habitual way of life.

Well, for the calmer, "home" guys, the rejection of the traditional orientation to heroism was fraught with the growth of fears. This means low self-esteem, because even little boys already understand that it is a shame to be a coward. And they experience their cowardice very painfully, although sometimes they try to hide it under the guise of feigned indifference.

It is very characteristic that the guys who denied the need for heroism in the questionnaires, on the one hand, were terrified of the "cool" ones, and on the other hand, imitated the one-celled heroes of American militants. And they named among the heroic character traits cruelty, intransigence to the enemy and the willingness to do anything to achieve their goal. So just imagine what kind of men will surround us if this continues for another ten years.

Sometimes - though quite rarely - one hears: “So what? Let it be whatever you like. If only he stayed alive. " But a man must necessarily respect himself, otherwise life is not sweet to him. He can live without much, but without respect he cannot.

"Hooray!" - shouted my seven-year-old son, having learned that his older sister had a baby. “I was the smallest in our family, and now I am an uncle! FINALLY I WILL BE RESPECTED. "

Even for a downcast drunk, the most important thing is to be respected. This is what, coupled with the drink, he is looking for in the company of drinking companions. And what self-respect can we talk about if a man is not able to protect his family and his country? If any thug who knows how to shoot can dictate terms to him, and the girls contemptuously call him a coward?

"Chastity, honesty and mercy without courage are virtues with qualifications," said American writer C. Lewis. And it's hard to disagree with this.

Sunflower effect

“Well, good,” someone will say. - I agree, the boy should be able to stand up for himself. Let him be brave, but in moderation. And why heroism? "

But man is so constructed that his development is impossible without striving for the ideal. As a sunflower stretches its head towards the sun and wilts in cloudy weather, so a person finds more strength in himself to overcome difficulties when a lofty goal looms before him. The ideal, of course, is unattainable, but striving for it, a person becomes better. And if the bar is lowered, then the desire to overcome oneself will not arise. Why bother when, in general, I am already there? When will it come down?

For example, what happens if a child in first grade is not aimed at the ideal of calligraphy - calligraphy? If you let him write a blunder, especially without trying? - As a matter of fact, we see the results at every step, because in many schools they did just that, deciding that there was nothing to spend six months on mastering the spellings, but it would be better to quickly teach children to write. As a result, schoolchildren for the most part write like a chicken with a paw. Unlike their grandparents, who, even after a simple rural school, had quite tolerable handwriting.

Is it possible to learn a foreign language, if you do not focus on the ideal - to master the language perfectly so that it becomes native? In fact, this ideal is almost unattainable. Even highly professional translators will somehow yield to a native speaker who has absorbed it since childhood. But if they do not strive for perfection, then they will not make translators. They will remain at the level of people who can explain in half with a sin in the store, and even then more with the help of gestures.

The story is exactly the same with the education of courage. Not everyone can become a hero. But by initially lowering the bar, or even discrediting heroism in the eyes of a child, we will raise a coward who cannot stand up for himself or for his loved ones. Moreover, he will bring an ideological basis under his cowardice: they say, why resist evil when it is inevitable anyway? And vice versa, if you “appoint” a coward as a hero, he will gradually start pulling himself up in order to justify this high rank. There are many examples, but I will limit myself to just one.

Vadik was terribly afraid of injections. Even when approaching the clinic, he would throw a hysterics, and in the doctor's office he had to be held together by two or three - with such force he fought off the nurse. Neither persuasion, nor promises, nor threats helped. At home, Vadik promised anything, but at the sight of a syringe he could no longer control himself. And then one day everything happened again. The only difference is that dad, who met Vadik with his mother on the street, quietly said to his wife: “Let’s tell me that Vadik behaved heroically. Let's see how he reacts. "

“Come on,” Mom agreed. No sooner said than done. Hearing about his heroism, Vadik was at first taken aback, but then, coping with amazement, agreed. And soon he sincerely believed that he calmly gave himself an injection! The parents chuckled to themselves, considering it just a funny incident. But then they saw that Vadik's behavior in the clinic

began to change. The next time he went into the office himself, and although he cried, unable to bear the pain, the matter went without shouts and fights. Well, and after a couple of times I managed to cope with tears. The fear of injections was overcome.

And if the father had not appointed his son a hero, but began to shame him, Vadik would have once again become convinced of his insignificance, and his hands were completely discouraged.

I owe everything good in me to books

Books are still one of the main sources of transmission of traditions in Russia. Even now, when children read less. Therefore, any education, including the education of courage, is very important to produce on the basis of interesting, talentedly written books. There is a sea of \u200b\u200bheroic literature, all of them are countless. I will name just a few works. Boys of preschool and primary school age will surely enjoy The Adventures of Emil from Lenniberge by A. Lindgren, The Chronicles of Narnia by K. Lewis, and The Wind in the Willows by K. Graham.

The names of Soviet writers: Olesha, Kataev, Rybakov, Kassil and others, and so on everyone's lips. L. Panteleev has a whole cycle of stories about exploits. And the Russian classics paid tribute to the theme of courage and male nobility. In addition, our entire (and not only ours!) History is replete with examples of heroism. Moreover, examples can be selected for every taste.

These are the lives of saints and the biographies of great commanders, stories about the exploits of soldiers and the history of ordinary civilians who, by the will of fate, suddenly faced the need to protect their homeland from the encroachments of enemies (for example, the feat of Ivan Susanin). So there is material on which to raise boys as real men. There would be a desire.

Based on the book by T. Shishova

4 years ago

Every woman, wishing to give birth to her own daughter, in the depths of her soul dreams of a son who looks like a loved one. Every man, no matter how tender and loving his daughter may cause in him, also dreams of a son - for him this is a special pride. And everyone - both father and mother - wants to raise a real man from a baby. In this vague concept, everyone puts his own, but a number of qualities are the same for everyone - this is courage, strength of character, nobility, protection of the neighbor and the weak. What can contribute to the emergence of these qualities when raising a boy?

1. Male example

First of all, in order for a real man to grow out of a boy, he needs to see a living example. Ideally, this is, of course, dad - brave, noble, strong. But children are not always brought up with their fathers, and then grandfather, uncle, older brother can become an example. An example does not have to live nearby, he could live in the last century - it could be a grandfather or great-grandfather, who once saved the whole family, about whose exploits and character the boy will hear and put as an ideal man. In the end, it can be a fictional character or the hero of a book - the main thing is that he is a worthy reference point for the child.

2. Attitude towards a woman

Raise in the baby the old faithful traditions that girls need to be protected and helped. At best, this should apply not only to girls, but also to everyone who is weaker or younger than your son. Let it not only be a matter of literal protection - to stand up for a girl if she is attacked by hooligans. Talk about nobility and gallantry - open the door for the girl, give way to someone who is younger, etc.

3. Mom must be a woman

If you tell the child that a woman is a kind weak creature that needs protection, and at the same time, at home, the mother will be the head of the family, who commands all family members with the child, it is unlikely that it will be possible to put the idea of \u200b\u200ba woman in the baby's head, which you originally were you wish. In any case, let the main rule and taboo be the absence of punishment from the mother. If you are sure that good words are not enough for raising a son, that more serious actions are needed, let the father, grandfather, uncle, the coach punish the child, but not the mother.

4. Physical activity

For a boy to be confident in himself and in his abilities, he must be physically developed. Sport is a big part of a man, which should not be deprived of a child. It doesn't have to be in the "men's section" like boxing, football or hockey, but let his life become sporty - exercising, running, biking, skating or rollerblading - physical activity should fill his free time.

5. Male obligations

Make a list of the responsibilities that the son must perform as a man. At first, it can only be cleaning your room, then - taking out the garbage, then - screwing in bulbs, etc. Let him see how adult men work around the house, let the elders always involve their son in these matters. Even if he is still too small for real help, he can always hold, serve or carry something - and feel that he has made a significant contribution to the common cause.

6. Toys for a real man

No matter how mothers resist buying toy weapons for a child, it is still clear that toys for a boy and for a girl should be significantly different.

7. More freedom

Of course, every mother worries about her child and tries to prevent any dangers that may surround her. But do not overdo it - do not go there, do not touch it, you will fall, you will prick - this way you will not bring up a real man. Give him more freedom - the boys climb trees, break their knees - yes, it's very difficult for mom to admit this - but on the other hand, a curious, brave, courageous child will grow out of his son, exploring the world with interest.

8. Praise your son

Your child must be confident in himself, his strength, his truth. Support him, praise him for little things, and not only when he did some act of a real man.

9. Don't spoil

Sometimes parents want to give their child something that they didn't have. Do not seek to solve everything for your son, do not deprive him of his individuality and independent life. Try not to pamper children and suppress possible whims.

10. Patriotic education

If you want to raise a real man, it is not enough to talk about protecting girls and younger ones. He must understand that the defender of the Motherland, its hope and support grows from him. Talk about the exploits of great heroes, read books and watch patriotic films. Observe the traditions of your people and instill respect for the country in which they were born.

But the most important thing when raising a real man is to trust yourself, not to be limited to any specific educational system and patterns. Love the baby, tell him more often how strong, courageous, reliable and noble you see him - and the world will one day become one more real man more.

How to raise a man - this question worries many today. It is no secret that the moments of upbringing missed in childhood will have a negative effect in adulthood. Overprotectiveness is just as harmful as being too harsh. About. how to find balance and a golden mean in the upbringing of a future man, and will be discussed in this article.

Read in this article:

Raising men begins with a diaper

Start off raise a boy needed from the first moments of his life. Finally they brought it - long-awaited, pink, peacefully snoring. He is a son, a son, a son, a future man, a man! Of course, when there was no limit to your affection, you still did not think about how to educate him, but the question was already in the air.

It is incredible, but it is a fact that boys from the first days of their lives already differ from girls, and not only in the structure of the genitals. Boys scream more often than girls, much later they start walking and talking. Some moms claim that boys are less picky about food, sleep better and sleep longer.

If you raising a boy, be careful with excessive affection - squeezing, lisping and other outpourings - you run the risk of growing a squishy. But overly encouraging the childish "want" and "give" is also dangerous. By the age of two, a child-boy is already clearly aware of his gender, and if he has absorbed from infancy that he is the center of the Universe, it will be very difficult to re-educate - a small domestic terrorist will cause a lot of trouble.

You have noticed that in childhood, men are expected to behave more from a boy than from a girl - women. If a daughter climbs trees and shoots with a slingshot, they say about her - a kid grows up, and it sounds proudly. As soon as a boy picks up a doll - a swarm of thoughts about. And crying is completely unacceptable.

Principles of parenting boys

It is important for every mother that her child is happy and healthy, and if a son grows up in a family, it is important to cultivate strength and courage in him. However, the efforts of the parents, at times, lead to the opposite result - the son grows up withdrawn, unsure of himself; he cannot overcome difficulties and build relationships with peers.

1. An example of a father, an example of a grandfather

When raising a boy, you need to have an example of a real man so that your son can look up to him. Ideally, of course, this is a dad, who will devote a lot of free time to his son, but instead of a dad, this function can also be performed by a grandfather, uncle or friend. Communication with men is very important for a boy, because children, copying adults, most often preserve these standards of behavior as a standard for their entire life.

2. Nurturing courage

The main trait of a man's character is courage. Boys should not be frightened with “scary uncles” and “babaykas in the closet”, because many of our phobias come from childhood. If your baby is afraid of something, in no case do not leave him alone with his problem, the best way out, in this case, will be to help the future man cope with his fear.

Try not to show your fears in front of your child, as your son may start to fear the same. Don't confuse courage and cruelty. Violence is always violence: moral or physical. Discourage violent behavior. Cruel doesn't mean brave. Do not teach your child to give change, but teach to negotiate with peers.

A person is distinguished from an animal by the ability to think and speak. You should not use animal instincts - biting, fighting, screaming, if there is a simple tool for achieving harmony in relationships - a kind word. Kind does not mean weak.

3. The physical development of the boy

The development of physical strength is important in raising a child. For its development, it will be enough daily exercises, as well as visiting the sports section several times a week. Another advantage of classes in the section will be communication with peers. In addition, physically developed children grow better, have a good appetite and are in good health. From infancy, form in your child a cult of a healthy lifestyle and rejection of harmful bad habits.

4. Fostering hard work and responsibility

It is necessary to teach the boy to work, for this, give him small errands around the house, the completed tasks must be encouraged. When the boy has pocket money, he can be taught to be focused. For example, if your child wants to buy some thing, he must save donated and pocket money. You can also teach purposefulness by example - for example, you decided to lose weight, and therefore run in the morning. By your example, you can teach your child to be obligatory. You have to keep the promises you made. Looking at you, the son also learns to keep promises.

5. Honesty

You can also teach a future man honesty by example. For example, you should not tell a child a lie, it would be much better to under-tell something. You need to be honest with your child, and then he will not lie to you either. Do not punish a kid who is too severely guilty. After all, another time he may lie in order to avoid your anger. Learn to forgive and teach your child to admit their mistakes and forgive the mistakes of others. Sly and deceitful children grow up in families where they are severely punished. Give the child the opportunity to confess his misdemeanor and the confidence that he is loved, which means that they will understand and forgive.

6. Feeding with rewards

It is necessary to praise the baby for positive results, then he will have an incentive to improve and become a real man. If the child does something differently from the way you would like it, you do not need to resort to punishment. It is better to discuss with him an unseemly act, without humiliating his own dignity, but from the point of view of analyzing the situation itself. We assess the deed, not the personality. Humiliation of the individual will lead to insecurity, restraint and complexes. Give your child the opportunity to fulfill their abilities and receive your support. If the child is praised, he will try to do it again and again, to do it better. Notice the success of your son, because each of his achievements is a small step on the way to becoming a self-confident personality.

7. Raising a romantic

It is necessary to teach the boy to be romantic. To do this, you need to walk around the city, show your son interesting places, be outdoors, visit museums and theaters. We must draw his attention to the beautiful world around him in which he lives. Learn to see beauty even in the dew-drop and the first bud opening. Your husband can teach his son how to give flowers and gifts, to give compliments by his example.

May the seeds of masculinity sown by you, wise parents-educators, find fertile soil. Let your baby grow up to be a real man, firmly on his feet and giving support and support to his family.