Unrequited love like. Why does unrequited love arise? How to act to get rid of a feeling

Endless quotes in literature ("Love is a desire to give a person what he does not need") and statuses in social networks, songs about unrequited love, melodramas ... Everyone has unrequited feelings, and they inspire many to be creative.

It would seem that everything is simple: the object of your feelings has a half, you have different goals, he does not like the circle of your interests, you just are not his person, a chemical reaction and something else that is not entirely clear to us did not arise. In fact, everything is harder.

Often we confuse the oppressed instinct of the owner with unrequited feelings: the child was not bought a toy, so he wants it more and more, makes tantrums, winds himself up. And the child does not even think about the fact that this toy is, in fact, uninteresting, it can break and simply "not his". The desire to possess and be the owner of something beautiful is not love, but complexes and beliefs that "I am not worthy of a good person and love" can be created by the sea. As a result, we have a negative scenario, and unrequited feelings will arise often.

A negative scenario among girls is also formed by the general worship of this misfortune: songs about unrequited love, quotes and statuses, films and TV shows. Over time, the girl realizes that this is only art, sometimes applied, and unrequited love no longer arises.

Unrequited love can repeat itself with enviable regularity for another reason. Once upon a time there was a girl, ugly, downtrodden and simply persecuted in the children's collective: unpopular, unfashionable, she did not shine in her studies either, did not participate in amateur performances, no one wanted to be friends with her ... And in adolescence, my first love happened. Naturally, unrequited: the main bully of the school, handsome, musician or just an activist will not even look at this. And in the subconscious of the girl it was postponed: I am not worthy of love. But these are also particulars. Psychology thinks quite differently.

Reasons for unrequited love

One of the main reasons for unrequited feelings is self-dislike. It looks like we all love ourselves: we go to beauty salons, we buy fashionable outfits. And inside? If you were disliked as a child, then you were definitely not taught to love yourself and your neighbors. If the vessel is not filled, then there is nothing to give, and this is a permanent hunger for love. Looking for love outside, we hope that someone will fill this vessel, satisfy this hunger. You can fill yourself with love only yourself.

Low self-esteem. But you never know what we are building out of ourselves, but if the inner "I am bad" lives inside, then it will always be noticeable. Were you constantly criticized by teachers and parents, humiliated by your peers? Now you yourself criticize and humiliate yourself. Hence our beliefs about the need to win love. This means, and feelings for someone who knowingly will not answer them. The position of the victim is expressed in unrequited feelings too.

Dislike of parents. In fact, parents can hardly help but love. But sometimes dad or mom are simply not very emotional by nature and cannot fill us with their feelings. Or love is expressed by constant buzzing, criticism, and sometimes screaming and punishment, constantly suggesting that the child is bad. With the best of intentions. Whether it is better for someone is another question. It was just that earlier it was believed that one must constantly shout at the child, criticize, compare with other children, and this is love. you need love yourself. No, not to suffer from star fever, but simply to understand that all people are worth something, and so are you.

Exit psychology

You have a long work to do on your settings, and there is no single algorithm, but you need to continue life, otherwise unrequited love will turn into addiction and mania. How to proceed?

Take a hard look.

Look at the object of your senses from the side. What kind of person is he? Is it really yours, and will it be fine with it? Can you come to terms with its shortcomings? There was such a story in my life. Two sisters fell in love with one young man, he preferred the younger, laughing at the same time the feelings of the older. The youngest had suffered from him seriously and was depressed for a long time: in appearance the prince turned out to be a monster. And one could have noticed this even when he made fun of the girl in love.

Don't feel sorry for yourself.

Don't dwell on it either. It’s difficult, yes, but sometimes a new hobby or at least helping someone who’s worse off now saves. If you don't want anything, then there is a job or an abandoned study. Need to catch up!

The best movies about unrequited love

Unrequited feelings are not only tragic, but sometimes turn into a comedy.

"The story of Adele G." Victor Hugo had a daughter, Adele: a talented writer and musician, a beauty. It would seem that! And the girl was used by a ruthless officer, and she went crazy on the basis of unrequited feelings. For many years she pursued him and traveled after him to the islands, to Canada and Europe, wrote letters every day and even hired a hypnotist, trying to marry herself ...

Best Friend's Wedding. They had an affair, then they became best friends, but when the main character found out that her bosom friend was getting married, she suddenly decided that she loved him and had to interfere with this wedding.

Legendary melodrama. The catch is that Scarlett Ohara, due to her obsession, lost her friends, her reputation, and "her" man, and then realized that she never loved Ashley, and in general, he is not her mate.

"Unkissed". Quiet Josie never went out and was not flamboyant. Having become a journalist, the girl was tasked with writing an article about a local school, pretended to be a schoolgirl and ... fell in love with a teacher.

"Unrequited love" (2010). After leaving the orphanage, Ben meets his childhood friend and realizes that he is in love with her. But she did not answer and meets with another. A desperate guy kidnapped his beloved and holds her hostage. Ransom is mutual feelings.

What a joy to fall in love! And what a tragedy not to receive reciprocity. But this happens in life, where it often does not coincide, when “we choose, we are chosen”.

If unrequited love happens, it makes us hostages, often robbing us of our sanity and paralyzing our normal daily life. the site is in a hurry to help you, telling you what to do if you are unrequitedly in love.

The first thing to do is to answer yourself the question, how do you know that a man has no feelings for you? It's clear if he anxiously hugs the other in front of you, calling her affectionate words. But if you are in a company where he just looks at you the same way as at everyone, this does not mean at all that he does not notice you, and it may be too early for you to classify yourself among the unrequited lovers.

Sometimes psychologists advise you to honestly confess your feelings to the object of sighing. And there is a small percentage of women who, to their indescribable surprise, after a bold confession, learned about the mutual feelings of a man!

So it's better to think once again, is it true that the man you are in love with does not consciously love you (that is, he considered your candidacy and you did not suit him)? After all, a man could simply not think about the possibility of a relationship with you. That is, the absence of "yes" does not mean "no" yet!

Behavior options for unrequited love:

1. Achieve!

If, of course, the object of your love is not a Hollywood actor, famous singer or Nobel laureate, if seeking a man does not contradict your principles, then feel free to take action (and if it contradicts, then it’s better not, because the joy of the result will be spoiled by your violence against your own principles).

Striving for a man, do not forget that you are a woman, and by throwing the world at his feet, you are unlikely to achieve harmonious relationships. It is better to do everything in a feminine way, unobtrusively, without revealing your cards, as if by chance finding yourself in the same places with him, being interested in what is interesting to him.

But you shouldn't hide your sympathy either, most likely, she will only “bribe” the man and help him make the “right” decision. Of course, if you do not have common interests, it will be more difficult, but then you yourself decide whether you can “become interested” in his hobbies without losing your individuality.

Try to open up in the company, take the initiative of the conversation or questions into your own hands. Show him who you are - without ratings, pedestals, crowns and other attributes of self-promotion. Show honestly and naturally. Do not distance yourself, they say, “I’m all so rash here, and you sit there and don’t see what you are missing,” on the contrary, try to be closer, sometimes invite him to dance, sit down, start a conversation.

But do not overdo it, usually a man is very annoying when a woman is trying too actively to get into their personal space, because you need to make sure that he makes a choice!

2. Wait

If you are not yet ready to admit to yourself that your love is unrequited and you need to do something about it, if you have already tried everything that you could have, then there is only one thing to do - wait. Be yourself, smile, be friends and wait. Perhaps someday something will flip in his head, and he will understand that happiness was always there, and there was no need to look for him.

If you decide to wait, then try to lead a normal life, and better and more active. Agree to all offers that come in - parties, trips. Do not forget to wear makeup when leaving the house, do your hair and take care of yourself.

Yes, perhaps someday it will need to be done through force, yes, having fun with a broken heart is hard. But remember that waiting does not have to be a renunciation of life. Firstly, you will definitely not achieve anything, because it is unlikely that any man wants to be near the unhappy girl with red eyes from tears.

And secondly, sooner or later you will probably have to come to terms with the fact that it is time to stop expecting his reciprocity, and it is time to move on. As much as it hurts.

3. Forget and move on

You tried and waited, or from the very beginning everything became clear - he does not love you. He knows you, maybe even befriends you, but does not love you. What to do with it? How to live?

Think at all about what feeling do you have stronger? Do you love him? Or do you want him to love you? After all, it is often said that unrequited love is more associated with selfishness. Do you represent you together? Do you fit him? Will he be happy with you?

Remember, now is not the time to prove something. A crisis situation in life is the best time for awareness and growth. Answer yourself honestly who you love more - him or yourself. If you are ready to jump off the balcony for him - this is not love, but if you are ready to step over your feelings and let him go, then this is love, real.

This time is the best time to start reading books on self-development, they will help you understand yourself better, let go of what you do not need - it will go away by itself. Do not be secretive, tell your close friends about what is happening to you and what you feel, so that they can evaluate your actions with a "sober" and cold mind and, if necessary, help you to cool the ardor of feelings and take a sober look at the situation.

All you need to restore your life is a change of position from "he doesn't love me, it's impossible to live with this" to "he doesn't love me, how to live on?" And the last question is asked sensibly, without drama.

Once you are tuned in to search for methods to get out of your state, you will definitely find them. The main thing is to sincerely want this and look for opportunities. But do not get hung up on the fact that you need to look for methods of dealing with unrequited feelings, just live, filling your life with new impressions.

What if you are not loved?

What are the possibilities?

Hobbies new and old

Drawings will always reflect your inner state, and the more you develop, the more you try to get out of the state of unrequited love, the brighter and more positive your drawings will become.

Dancing and singing also helps. You can just devote some time to physical activity - fitness, aerobics, gym, yoga etc. You will see how your inner state will change through the body. And you will have less time and energy to think about your unrequited love.

Talk to the subject of your love

It would seem, about what, if everything is already clear? However, if you have chosen for your feelings an adequate person who is able to understand other people's feelings, then such a conversation will help you draw a line under this whole story and open up to new love.

Unrequited love - what to do?

Even if it is a short conversation, it is personal and sincere. If he doesn't understand you, so much the better! It will be easier for you to give up this "bad person".

If there is no opportunity for conversation, then just say out loud what you want to say to him. Give thanks, goodbye, ask for forgiveness, scold, talk about your feelings and say that you have decided to draw the line.

Meet!

Let other men come into your life! Instead of his blue eyes, green eyes will completely suit you, instead of Kolya, you will also be happy with Semyon, and most importantly, you will feel how much better reciprocity in a relationship than what you previously agreed to: “Any kind of relationship, just to be around with him".

You will also see that there are other men in the world who themselves will wait, appreciate and seek you! And time will do its job.

Chat with those who are happy!

Perhaps among them there will be those who have also experienced unrequited love, and they will tell you (and even prove by their example) that there is life “without him”, that it can be happy, that everything will pass.

Focus on yourself

Instead of looking inside yourself limitations or to correct in yourself what is only possible in order to please him, focus on yourself, on your distinctive features, merits, weaknesses.

You can write lists, regularly look in the mirror and enjoy yourself, connect with people and accept compliments, etc. Accept yourself and start to be proud of yourself! Men are more likely to pay attention to self-confident and self-sufficient girls and, perhaps, this is what the one who rejected you did not see in you.

Finally pay attention to your friends, work, probably everything in your life has come to desolation because of unrequited love. Is it justified? In addition, films often show how girls who have completely forgotten about love and gone to work, helping others or, being carried away by some occupation, meet their love, get married and live happily until the end of their days. And who knows, suddenly life will please with such a scenario?

Pay attention to your health

A healthy body fights stress better, and not exhausted by daily doses of sweets, wine, smoking, nightly conversations with friends and endless worries. Of course, you will not stop worrying, but experts say that proper nutrition,

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 7 minutes

A A

Unrequited love is a dangerous feeling. It can drive a weak-minded person into a corner and lead to suicide. Depression, constant thoughts about the object of adoration, the desire to call, write, meet, although you know for sure that this is completely not mutual - this is what causes unrequited love.

Drive negative thoughts away, and listen to the advice of psychologists if you suffer from unrequited love .

How to get rid of unrequited love in 12 steps - instructions for finding happiness

• Get rid of inner conflict with yourself : Realize that there can be no future with your object of adoration, you can never be near.
  
  
  Understand that your feelings are not mutual and mentally let go of your loved one.
• Plunge into study, work ... Create a new hobby for yourself: dancing, cycling, yoga, English, French or Chinese courses. Try to make sure you don't have time for sad thoughts.
• Try changing your social circle. As little as possible, meet with friends who, even by their presence, remind you of your loved one.
• Change your image. Get a new haircut, get some new fashions.
• Help your relatives and friends to solve problems. You can volunteer for a charity or help workers at an animal shelter.
• Do not accumulate negative emotions and thoughts in yourself, let them come out. The best remedy for negativity is sports.
  
  
  Go to the gym and dump all the load of your pessimistic thoughts on trainers and punching bags.
• Tidy up your inner world. A broken heart needs to be healed by reading educational literature about self-knowledge and self-improvement. This will help you look at the world around you in a new way, make you rethink life values ​​and correctly prioritize. Read also:
• Put an end to the past in your mind and start making plans for the future. Set new goals for yourself and strive to achieve them.
• Improve your self-esteem. There are many affirmations and meditations on this subject. Don't focus on one single person who didn't appreciate you. Don't forget that you are a person created by God for joy and love. You have many positive qualities that you can easily identify in yourself, and everyone has shortcomings. Work on yourself, get rid of bad habits, improve yourself.
• Probably, you remember the proverb "they knock out a wedge by a wedge"? Don't sit at home! Visit exhibitions, cinema, theaters.
  
  
  Who knows, maybe your fate is already very close and, perhaps, soon you will meet true mutual love, which will bring not suffering, but a sea of ​​happy days. Read also:
• If it seems to you that you cannot cope on your own, then it is better to consult with specialists ... Contact a psychologist who will individually help solve this problem.
• Appreciate yourself and know that your mutual love and destiny will surely find you soon!

Psychological advice on how to experience unrequited love and never return to it again

Unrequited love is familiar to many. These are the requests and questions that specialists receive, and what do psychologists advise :

Marina: Hello, I am 13 years old. For two years now I like one guy from my school who is now 15 years old. I see him at school every day, but I hesitate to approach. What to do? I suffer from unrequited love.

In this situation psychologists advise find this person on social networks and chat with him. From this virtual dialogue it will be possible to understand what actions can be taken in real life.

Vladimir: Help! I seem to be starting to go crazy! I love a girl who just pays no attention to me. I have nightmares at night, I have lost my appetite, and I have completely abandoned my studies. How to deal with unrequited love?

Psychologists recommend doing the following: Imagine looking at the current situation from the future, with a time interval of two years. After that time, this problem will not matter in the least.

You can travel in your fantasies into the future, several years, months ahead, and into the past. Tell yourself that this time was not very successful, but next time you will be lucky. Moving mentally in time, you can discover and develop a productive attitude towards the situation.

Even these negative situations will bring a positive into the future: experiencing not very good events now, you will be able to better assess the components of future life, gain experience.

Svetlana: I am in the 10th grade and love a 17-year-old boy from the 11th grade of our school unrequitedly. We saw each other in a common company four times. Then he started dating a girl from his class, and I continued to wait, hope and believe that soon he would be mine. But recently he broke up with his ex-girlfriend and began to show attention to me. I should be happy, but for some reason my soul felt even harder than before. And if he invites me to meet, then I will most likely refuse - I am not going to be an alternate airfield. But I also really want to be with this guy. What to do, how to forget unrequited love? I do my homework, go to bed - think about him and torture myself. Please give advice!

Psychologist's advice: Svetlana, if the guy you sympathize with could not take a step towards you, then take the initiative into your own hands. Perhaps he is shy, or thinks that he is not your type.

Try to start a dialogue first. Find him on social networks and write to him first. This way you can establish initial contact and find common points of contact for interests and other topics.

Take action. Otherwise, you will continue to experience unrequited love. Who knows - maybe he's in love with you too?

Sofia: How to get rid of unrequited love? I love without reciprocity and I understand that there is no prospect, no hope for a joint future ahead, but only emotional experiences and suffering. They say that you need to thank Life for what gives you the opportunity to love. After all, if you love, then you live. But why is it so difficult to let go of a person and forget unrequited love?

Psychologist's advice: Unrequited love is a mirage. A person draws an image in his imagination and falls in love with this ideal, and not with a real person with his shortcomings and merits. If love is unrequited, then there is no relationship as such. Love is always two, and if one of them does not want to take complicity in a relationship, then this is not a love relationship.

Always present as a bright and pure feeling, forgetting about what she can bring negative emotions and even pain.

For example, if you have unrequited love: what to do in this case?

Unrequited love - what does it mean?

Everyone has experienced unrequited love at least once.

In this feeling there is hope for possible reciprocity, a great desire to be with a specific person, pain from unrequited feelings, unwillingness to move on.

Some people experience this feeling for years. At the same time, they themselves understand the hopelessness of their situation and even make some attempts to destroy this connection, but, most often, they remain unsuccessful.

What if you fell in love with a married man? Find out about it from ours.

Psychology and causes

The first thing to understand is feeling unhealthy. And the longer it goes on, the worse it gets for you.

What's the problem with unrequited love?

At the same time, a person most often does not notice himself when he steps on this path. He is as if in oblivion.

In this state, it can take a long time before the individual realizes his problem and will at least begin to make some attempts to break out of this vicious circle.

Why do I always fall in love unrequitedly?

So why is your love often not mutual?

How to deal with unrequited love for a girl?

Fell in love with a girl, but she did not reciprocate? What to do in such a situation?

How to live on?

It is very difficult to live with unrequited love. It's like a void has formed in your heart and it seems that only this person can fill it... But actually it is not.

First of all, you need to admit to yourself that you are in the shackles of unrequited love. She enslaved you and regularly wears you out.

Try to distract yourself or change your environment. Do not delve into yourself all day trying to understand what is wrong with you and why he does not love you. Open up to change. Bring something new to life or change it drastically.

Anyway, start already living, and not existing in the shadow of this person. Look for new emotions and impressions, expand your social circle.

Try to make sure that you no free time left... Devote it to your work or hobbies.

Switching to other activities helps to forget unrequited feelings.

Ask for help... Your friends or family can help you cope with this problem.

But if you feel that the situation is out of control, do not be afraid to see a psychologist. A technician will help you understand the problem and fix it.

Which is better: to love or to be loved? find out right now.

Books

Artworks about unhappy love:

• Gone with the Wind M. Mitchell;
• V. Nabokov "Lolita";
• G.G. Marquez "Love in a Time of Plague";
• J. Fowles "The Collector";
• E. Bronte "Wuthering Heights".

Psychology:

• I. Yalom "Treatment for love and other psychotherapeutic novels";
• Dean K. Delice, K. Phillips. “The paradox of passion: she loves him, but he does not.”;
• I. Korchagin "How to survive unhappy love";
• M. Litvak “4 kinds of love”;
• Leil Lowndes “How to make anyone fall in love with you. A short theoretical course and the most complete practical guide to the psychology of romantic love. "

Unrequited love is not the most pleasant feeling often destructive who suffers from it. But it is possible and even necessary to fight against it.

Non-reciprocal love: what to do? The main mistakes in a situation of unrequited love: