It means a very alarming phenomenon - bullying of a child at school has become commonplace: more and more violence, primarily psychological, occurs in educational institutions.

This term originated in Great Britain in 1985, although the phenomenon itself became known at the beginning of the 20th century, when the first publications about it appeared.

Bullying encompasses many forms of bullying and psychological abuse, regardless of the age, gender, social status of the student. The purpose of bullying is to suppress the personality traits, personality of the child.

Usually another student is mocked - "persecutor" (the name originated from the word bully - bully). He does this in the presence of a whole group of "watching" children in order to impress them.

However, a collective form of bullying, in which several persecutors are involved, is also common. For her, it is more correct to use another term - mobbing (from mob - crowd). It is believed that mobbing is a milder form of bullying, and bullying is more acute, but, in our opinion, this is a fundamentally incorrect approach to the problem.

Are statistics lying

According to Western sources, 50% of students under 14 are subject to school harassment. In adolescence, as they grow older, the prevalence of the phenomenon decreases. But, apart from school, there is bullying in both kindergarten and adults.

Research in the Russian school began much later, in the late 2000s. They also found bullying to be widespread. For example, in 2010, researchers found that 22% of boys and 21% of girls at the age of 11 had already been bullied by other children. In adolescents aged 15 years, these indicators are lower - 13 and 12%, respectively.

However, it seems to us that the data are underestimated. Perhaps these are statistics from a fairly “safe” school. And it certainly does not include children who initiate bullying, and this is the group at greatest risk.

Our observations of bullying show that it is noticeably more common in Russia than in Western countries. In general, it is difficult to find an adult who, recalling his school years, could say that he was not subjected to discrimination at all or did not participate in it as a persecutor.

Bullying deforms the personality of not only the victim, but also the initiators

The danger of this phenomenon on the scale of the whole society is traditionally underestimated. Everywhere there is a condescending, indifferent attitude towards bullying in a children's environment on the part of parents, teachers, authorities, society: they say, children are still small, they do not understand anything, this is not serious!

Often, the victim's parents support and even encourage bullying, speaking in the spirit of: "Children must go through the" life hardening ", face real difficulties." Socialization means that the child is brought up not in greenhouse conditions, but in an ordinary children's collective, where, we add from ourselves, no one pays attention to the relationship between children!

However, bullying is very serious. There are many known cases of persecution leading to suicide attempts. Also, more and more often, a victim of bullying with a knife or a gun tries to take revenge on the offenders.

However, instead of finding the real cause of such incidents - condoning violence among children - instead of eliminating the causes and systemic prevention, we only strengthen control and protection, which, in fact, leads to the opposite effect.

Bullying in educational institutions is usually hushed up. Only the most high-profile situations that cannot be hidden become the property of the press and the public.

It is important to understand that high-profile, high-profile stories of bullying are rare, while the bulk of bullying and psychological harassment remains in the background.

In this bulk, cases of bullying do not lead to criminal incidents. They "only" result in personality deformation, persistent educational demotivation, hatred of school, and lead to deep and persistent depression in the victim.

For the persecutors, this is also not without consequences. Aggressive models of behavior, left unpunished, unnoticed by adults, are fixed for a long time and appear later in different conditions and for completely different reasons. The scale of aggression and its results also increases, because sooner or later dangerous behavior will be noticed and suppressed.

5 reasons for bullying

Without understanding the reasons for child bullying in solving the problem, it will not be possible to move forward. Moreover, an incorrect and primitive understanding of the reasons only leads to the fact that the persecution will intensify, and their manifestations will become more vivid.

Firstly, it should be noted that the victims of bullying are students who show their individuality, with obvious features. These include not only shortcomings - delays in physical and mental health, low academic results - but, on the contrary, advanced intellectual development, outstanding abilities and talents, academic success.

The purpose of the persecution is primarily to suppress individuality, and we want to emphasize this especially.

Secondly, in many conversations and some articles about bullying, they offer naive and incorrect interpretations of its causes, as the desire of children to establish a certain social hierarchy in their environment. It is wrong to interpret the motives of bullying in this way, if only because it also exists in kindergartens, among children aged 3–6, when there is still no question of social hierarchy.

And yes, this phenomenon can be used as one of the mechanisms for establishing hierarchy, but at the same time the formation of the order of command is not the direct cause of persecution.

As a rule, bullying, in the usual language of the school, is an attempt by poor and C students to establish superiority over excellent students. Often gifted, talented children are persecuted by the middle peasants who envy them, who are characterized by bravado by their weak successes.

Thirdly, what is important to keep in mind when identifying and studying the manifestations of bullying: almost any conflict of children, their quarrel, fight, even if they seem completely random, is not really random. This is just one episode of bullying (or defending against it) from a very long time that you noticed. And behind all this there is an ocean of children's relationships hidden from the eyes of an adult, some kind of remarks, teasing, ignoring in response to the appeal.

Fourthly, usually, parents of persecutors support their children in this role. They not only justify, but also praise such behavior, motivating it by the fact that “we have to achieve our goal,” “be strong”.

And the parents of the victims do not support their own children and criticize them: "Why didn't you give him back?" This happens as a result of adults' recollections of how this kind of bullying happened in their childhood, and the desire to recoup, react to these events with the help of their child.

Fifth, Our traditional school, with its usual routines and routines (frontal, classroom teaching; grades; teachers focused on lessons and struggling to complete the curriculum), has practically nothing to resist bullying and harassment in children.

Persecution rarely manifests itself in lessons (for example, in sudden refusals of excellent students to answer at the blackboard if they were threatened before the lesson). But during breaks and after school hours, the teacher is not able to control the children.

It is better for the teacher to hide, because he can be blamed in both cases. If he intervenes and stops the initiator, then the persecutor's parents can prosecute him for exceeding their authority. If he does not intervene, he will be accused by the mothers and fathers of the victim of negligence.

In addition, this kind of teacher work is not counted or paid.

By itself, the appraisal of our school, the grades given by teachers to children are a constant source of bullying and mobbing. They gave the child "5" for what many in the class received "3" and "2" and now - the reason for bullying is ready. They gave someone a "2", when many got "4" and "5" - and this is a new reason for bullying.

The signal for persecution is very often given by the teacher, without noticing it. And it denotes a sacrifice - it is necessary for him to utter at least one critical remark in relation to the child, or, on the contrary, to single him out from the whole group, to praise him.

It can be enough one emotional appraising exclamation of an adult to start bullying, not to mention the recent "epidemic" of messages about teachers writing on the foreheads of children "fool" and something like that.

Yes, a child can behave inappropriately and annoy, but if a teacher so clearly designates a victim of mobbing that he writes something on her forehead, this is extreme unprofessionalism and a violation of ethics, for which one should not just fire, but deprive a pedagogical diploma!

Often, class teachers and subject teachers, knowing about bullying, use it to their advantage to manage the class. It is enough to ask those who practice bullying of classmates to put things in order, to scold some of the students that "he is pulling the whole class back."

Thus, child bullying and persecution has very deep roots. This is the result and evidence that the society in its development is at a rather low level. This also applies to society as a whole, and the environment in which the child lives.

It is possible to resist violence in a children's collective only by developing relations of creative cooperation and friendship among children, introducing humanistic values ​​and respect for the individuality of the child, whatever it may be, into the collective.

Teachers need to create a creative environment around their students that demonstrates to them the correct and positive values ​​and strategies aimed at respecting the individual and the results of his activities.

Bullying: How to Stop Child Bullying

There are many simple and incorrect recipes on how to stop bullying. They boil down to various pedagogical conversations, games and trainings. If such measures lead to any results, then only to the modification of bullying, contributing to their transfer to a higher level.

Bullying is not just a side effect of the socialization of children (and adults), it is a manifestation of their subconscious, the results of the action of the instincts of a primitive man of the Paleolithic times, which, in fact, are children of 6-12 years old.

The psychological mechanisms of community survival, leading to persecution today, were formed in a person in the process of his development over hundreds of thousands of years in the Paleolithic era, when a person was a nomad, a hunter-nomad.

For the survival of a nomadic community of people in difficult conditions, strict unification, unity, even the destruction of the sick, children and old people was required so that they did not interfere with the movement and joint actions of the group.

The psychological foundations and mechanisms of bullying, like many actions in children, have such a paleoanthropological nature, and only a later culture associated with the humanization of society in the modern period of history can be opposed to it.

We create the necessary atmosphere in the children's team by implementing the Montessori method. The methods of Makarenko, the experience of Sukhomlinsky, the method of collective creative affairs of Igor Petrovich Ivanov, known in Russian pedagogy, made it possible to create children's groups free from violence.

However, unfortunately, we are now going through a period when the humanization of the school, as well as respect for the personality and creativity of the student, is not the best.

The most important thing is to show the child, if he is the target of bullying, that he is not alone, to support him.

You cannot constantly question and force him to retell over and over again how he was bullied, and re-experience humiliation, threats, pressure. It is even more inappropriate to laugh at a child, to scoff at his reaction to bullying, to show that all this is not serious.

The way out of the situation may be to teach your son or daughter not to attach importance to provocations, not to react if you feel that the initiator will not translate psychological violence into physical.

Try to explain to the child that the persecutors are counting on the victim's panic, on the manifestation of her psychological weakness, consisting in crying, complaints, hysterical outbursts. Demonstration of self-sufficiency, dignity and equanimity quickly pacifies the initiators.

However, if you feel that your child is not ready to demonstrate equanimity or is afraid of physical harm, you should contact the school administration, its director, invite the parents of the initiators of the bullying for a conversation and let them know that you will go all the way in protecting your child, contact the press and law enforcement.

This is usually enough to solve the problem of bullying, because persecutors are ultimately driven by low self-esteem and a desire to increase it at the expense of the victim.

School bullying, or bullying, is one of the most common forms of psychological abuse, which, however, is still perceived as something natural and normal. According to the topic of school bullying, on average one in three teenagers aged 12 to 18 becomes a participant in bullying in one role or another, at the same time cyberbullying (bullying on the Internet. - Approx. ed.) is less common - 15% of adolescents face it.

As a rule, such an experience does not go unnoticed. the medical consequences of bullying, it is noted that former victims are more likely to suffer from agoraphobia in adulthood (fear of open spaces. - Approx. ed.), anxiety disorders and panic attacks. Pure aggressors have an increased risk of dissocial personality disorder, which is characterized by impulsivity, aggressiveness, disregard for social norms, and problems with attachment formation. Afisha Daily asked the former victims of school bullying what they had to endure and asked the instigators why they did it.

Alice, 20 years old

"They shouted in my back that I was a lesbian, and then they ignored me."

Since childhood, I was called plump, although I only had a childishly plump belly, for which I was teased. One of my early school memories: I cut my hair, went to the blackboard, and was laughed at. In elementary school, I wanted to be the first in everything: to sing, dance, read poetry. But in performances I was always taken last or not at all. However, the real problems began in the 8th grade, when my family moved from Krasnoyarsk to Sochi and I went there to a prestigious school.

I fell in love with a girl - it seemed strange, although the feelings were mutual. I shared with a friend, and she told her gopnik boyfriend, after which everyone found out about my relationship.

They also "joked" at me: they threw textbooks out of the window, put bulls in a briefcase, wrote notes about me

Every morning on the way to school, I passed the playground where the company was hanging out with the gopnik-ringleader, and they shouted in my back: "Hey, lesbian, can you call a girl?" Every time, getting ready for school, I thought: “If only I don't meet anyone, just walk to class and sit at my desk”. I was often late for the first lesson. But all the same, even if I entered the classroom after the call, classmates turned to me and someone called me names - no one paid attention to the teacher.

During recess, I did not leave one of the class - only if for a company with someone. But at some point everyone stopped communicating with me. Nobody announced the boycott - they just stopped talking. For example, I ask a question - and in return they ignore or call me names. They also "joked" at me: they threw textbooks out of the window, put bulls in a briefcase, wrote notes about me. Once I was walking with my mother - and they spat in my back.

With the main offender, the ringleader, we lived in the same entrance. In private, he did not humiliate me, but when I asked him why he was making fun of me, he said that it was because I did not live correctly, not by my understanding. When I asked who defines these concepts, he replied that if I live in a society, I must correspond.

Only one classmate continued to communicate with me. We lived in the same entrance, and after school she called and invited me to visit, and for some reason I walked, although at school she did not notice me either. Apparently, she was afraid that they would start hounding her too.

There were other guys in our class who were cruelly made fun of by their classmates. As a rule, their parents came and sorted out the relationship, and on this example I realized that parents should not be drawn into a conflict: they will leave, and I will be left alone with the offenders.

I used to skip class, go to the playground, buy myself a bottle of beer and drink alone

In the 9th grade, it got even worse. I sat on the back desk wearing headphones, a hood on my head. Or the second position - her face was buried in her folded hands on the desk. I used to skip class, go to the playground, buy myself a bottle of beer and drink alone. I skipped in the 9th grade for about a month - the teachers didn't even write a note to my mother, they generally wrote only when it was necessary to hand over the money. Studying did not interest me at all: everyone around was engaged with tutors, but I had deuces, and I didn't care.

I became bolder: I began to write to them that they broke my life and turned it into hell. They replied that it was just a joke

Once I went to Krasnoyarsk for a month. And then a classmate hacked my page on VKontakte and wrote on my wall that I was a lesbian. I didn’t sort things out, I just deleted the entry, but hacking the page was just overkill.

I started studying only when I returned to Krasnoyarsk. After the move, classmates from Sochi began to be added to my friends. I became bolder: I began to write to them that they broke my life and turned it into hell. They replied that it was just a joke.

In the new school, I hid my orientation - I could not accept the fact that I like both boys and girls until the 11th grade. Once I started dating a classmate, and somehow, in a correspondence with a classmate, I described that I have "she" instead of "he." A classmate in the smoking room stuck: "Well, tell me." And I was so afraid of a repetition of bullying, I was shaking, but out of fear I suddenly laid everything out. He looked at me: “So what? This is your life, do what you want. " Other classmates were equally calm. It helped me accept myself.

Elena, 30 years old

"I was the main enemy of" normal "girls"

I studied in a village in the Leningrad Region. There were 25 people in the class - boys and girls approximately equally. In elementary school, I didn’t really try, and my mother said that she didn’t mind if I didn’t study at all, because she would always suit me as a milkmaid. I was so scared that I became an excellent student and remained so until the end of the eleventh grade.

Problems appeared in 6th grade, when puberty began. Some girls matured earlier: they began to paint, go to discos and meet boys - that is, they became "normal" girls. There were only two of them in the class, but they had a whole retinue that wanted to match. Others — myself and three or four other losers — became "crazy." I studied well, but I was indifferent to discos, besides, I was outraged by this hierarchy, so I fell out of favor and became the main enemy of "normal" girls.

The insults were standard: a nerd, a nerd, and for some reason they sometimes called me pistachio. Now all these curses seem silly and childish, but then it hurt. They also constantly tried to cheat me, and if I refused, the bullying intensified. Once I let it be written off, and then I found a mistake and corrected it. As a result, she received a higher mark. After school, two girls caught up with me and started shouting and pushing me. It was humiliating and insulting.

The teachers treated me very well, because I was one of the few in our school who studied well, but did not know about bullying. I didn’t show whether I was good or bad. At school, I hardly talked to anyone. There was only one friend - the same nerd like me. We supported each other, and because of this friendship, I did not feel alone.

Almost the entire school I was accompanied by a complete feeling of self-doubt: in my appearance, in the way my voice sounds

It got better in the ninth grade. The exams were approaching, everyone understood that after them the class would split up - many would go to colleges and technical schools. My offenders themselves came to reconcile: "Well, shall we communicate?" I looked at them and said, "No." In the sixth grade, I would have rejoiced at their initiative, and in the ninth, when an eternity passed by school standards, I no longer needed friendship with them. Our communication became neutral only during the exams.

Then I moved to a stronger mathematical school, and with one of the main offenders we even became friends. In the 11th grade, she apologized to me: “I don't know what came over me - hormones, boys. Sorry". Now I think that perhaps she hated me because she liked me, without knowing it, to the boy she liked.

Almost the entire school I was accompanied by a complete feeling of self-doubt: in my appearance, in the way my voice sounds. I was haunted by the fear that I was doing something wrong. Probably, it didn’t completely go away. If I join a new team, then I behave very quietly: I sit and say nothing. It is still easier for me to communicate with boys, but it is difficult to build relationships with girls. Perhaps that is why I am interested in sports where there are not very many girls: long-distance running, triathlon and multisport.

Anna, 28 years old

“I thought I had the right to humiliate a classmate just because he was nasty”

I lived in Moscow and studied in the Moscow region. The school was paid and prestigious, and I was new there, but I had support - a classmate. Our mothers were friends, and he went to school a few months before me and had already gained authority. In the third grade, a boy came to us: thin, unpleasant, strange, he always smelled of tobacco, and it was also said that he smoked when he was 9 years old. His hair was greasy - he didn't seem to wash his hair. And my friend and I started to mock him. I don't remember our jokes, but it seemed to me that I had the right to humiliate him, because he was disgusting.

And then I took and hit the boy with his face on the table: it seems that blood was flowing from his nose, he began to cry, and I felt ashamed

Once we were three of us in the class. The nasty boy was sitting at his desk, going over his notebooks, and my friend and I walked around him and said some nasty things. Then I ran my hands into the boy's hair and almost pulled them out - I even liked that he was in pain. And then I took and hit the boy with his face on the table: it seems that blood was flowing from his nose, he began to cry, and I felt ashamed. I realized that I was bad, that I was cruel, and although he was nasty, but weak. Until that moment, I was always proud that I was not afraid to fight with boys, that I was strong and won, that I protected the weak. And then I realized that the worst of all, that I am evil.

The weak boy was soon kicked out of school: it seems that his parents hid some kind of mental illness, which was in no way combined with studying at a prestigious school. On the last day, when his parents took him away, he cried and shouted to me in front of the whole class that I would be next. And so it happened, by the way. Either at the end of the eighth, or at the beginning of the ninth grade, they already hounded me for snitching. For some reason, I decided that conflicts should be resolved not by fighting, but by involving adults, and told the teacher that I had been offended. The bullying ringleader was my former bullying colleague.

As an adult, I tried to find the boy I had bullied on social networks and apologize, but I don't even remember his last name, although I remember the smell and the red tear-stained face well. This experience influenced me in such a way that I cannot watch people being beaten, even for fun. And I don't write any malicious comments anywhere either.

Nikolay, 36 years old

"We mocked all the weak guys."

I went to a rural school, and we mocked the downtrodden and weak-willed people. At school, fights were the norm. I fought every day - I didn’t always win, but still everyone knew that it was not worth trying to get in on me. And someone could not fight back, defend themselves - they made fun of such people. They could get hit on the head in passing, but most of the humiliations were moral: petty assignments and name-calling.

For example, we had a guy named Fish - he ate little and was very thin. Often we came to dinner and said: "Fish, you are in flight today" - and took his portion. He shrugged his shoulders, drank tea and left. Now it's a shame to remember this, especially since Pisces died of pneumonia a couple of years ago.

Someone, for example, was asked to transfer a portfolio to another class. Someone put worms, maggots, larvae of huge beetles in a portfolio - we dug them out in the school garden. There were also very childish jokes: you smear your hands with chalk and slap on the back.

My friend so crushed two ugly classmates that they addressed him only with the words "my lord"

Then there was a fashion - to go to school with diplomats. And so my friend took a drill in labor class and drilled several holes in one boy's diplomat, saying: “Reflectors (reflectors, which, for example, are often attached to a bicycle. - Approx. ed.) insert, you will walk and glow. "

There was also a huge guy Ben - good-natured, strong. He was the only one who was beaten by three, and not one on one, as was customary. It was just so big that it was impossible to cope with it alone. At the same time, Ben did not resist at all - he just stepped aside, did not give back.

There were three cheers in our class, and I was not the best. For example, I have never mocked girls, but my friend crushed two ugly classmates so that they only addressed him with the words “my master”.

We also had one girl, developed beyond her years, with large breasts. She was sitting just in front of my friend, and he pulled back the fastener of her bra and let go - the belt of her bra hit her on the back. She was angry, complained, and once took four textbooks in her hands and with a spread she gave him on the head with them.

Why did we do this? Then it seemed natural and normal, but we were interested. Herd feeling. This is probably wrong. But, on the other hand, society is cruel, children's society is three times more cruel: not you - so you, you need to be able to earn authority.

Alexandra Bochaver

PhD in Psychology, Research Fellow, Center for Contemporary Childhood Research, Institute of Education, National Research University Higher School of Economics

Bullying, or bullying, is regular, purposeful, aggressive behavior towards someone under conditions of inequality of power or power. It is found in any collective (prison, army, school) where people were assigned not because they want to be there, but on some random basis, for example, age.

Bullying is a social tool that allows you to build a hierarchy, distribute statuses and resolve uncertainties. An aggressor in a leading position increases status through the use of physical or social superiority - for example, through humiliation and beatings. At the same time, someone becomes an object of persecution and occupies the lowest-status position, while everyone else is placed in the gap between him and the aggressor and more or less calm down. This certainty provides a safe space for everyone except those at whose expense it happens.

Research by Dan Olveus (Norwegian psychologist specializing in school bullying - Approx. ed.) and other psychologists show that bullying is harmful to everyone involved. The longer bullying lasts and the less children and adults resist it, the more familiar and normative it becomes for all its participants.

A child who is offended gets used to humiliation, begins to think that he is not worthy of a more respectful attitude, he does not count on recognition from peers, therefore, his self-esteem decreases, which can also cause psychosomatic symptoms.

A bullying child understands that he can get away with violence and does not learn to build relationships in another way: aggression can become his main method of interacting with the world, and he becomes convinced that the one who has the strength is right, but the strength can be not necessarily physical, it is also power, status, wealth of parents, and so on. Accordingly, such a child tries to hold on to power, and when he meets someone of a higher status, he expects suppression and humiliation.

The ongoing bullying also negatively affects the witnesses of these episodes, because they choose not to oppose, because they are afraid of the prospect of being in the victim's place. At the same time, they often experience shame for their inaction.

Bullying usually begins in elementary school, peaks at the age of 10–12, and then decreases. Bullying occurs differently in boys and girls. Boys are more likely to use verbal and physical aggression, and girls - indirectly, for example, spread derogatory rumors.

Teachers do not always cope with bullying situations: in part, they do not perceive it as their task, because they were not taught it. It seems that the class teacher should be responsible for the psychological climate in the classroom, but often he does not possess the necessary tools, competence, and motivation for this. It may even be convenient for some teachers when there is a scapegoat in the classroom: children take out aggression on it, and in this case the teacher does not become the object of negative attention. In addition, the emphasis on exams leaves less time and energy for building personal relationships with students. Despite the fact that children spend a lot of time at school and need relationships with peers and teachers, such a "conveyor belt" increases emotional stress.

In order to get involved in the situation on time, parents need to be generally aware of what is happening with their friends at school: whether they call up with their classmates, correspond in social networks, visit, or chat. If all this is there, it means that everything is in order in the child's class. If a child walks alone, is sad, he has no one to ask homework, no one to invite to his birthday, then it is important to understand what is happening. It is not a fact that this is bullying - there may be other difficulties. In any case, it is useful for the parent to imagine how the relationship in the class is approximately arranged, to discuss them with the child, to be interested in them not only at the moment when everything becomes difficult.

For teenagers, statuses are very important. It is optimal when a child has different experiences in different groups and understands the multidimensionality of relationships: for example, in the class he is appreciated for the fact that he draws well, but in physical education he is not the best. An experience of success is important for any child, and not everyone can get it at school: it's good when there are additional environments for this - sections, circles, interest groups.

The Internet also plays an important role. On the one hand, it can become a resource for those who cannot communicate face-to-face for some reason. On the other hand, it also becomes a new environment for all kinds of aggression, in particular, bullying. Cyberbullying is somewhat similar to traditional bullying, but it also has a number of differences. For example, in face-to-face bullying, the child knows that there is a dangerous space (school bus, classroom, toilet) that is best avoided. In cyberbullying, the victim does not know when he will be attacked, does not understand who the offender is and what information about the victim is available to him - that is, he is in a situation of vulnerability everywhere and around the clock.

Stopping bullying in the classroom requires the coordinated activity of teachers, a school psychologist, and parental support. A psychologist can cope with the consequences of bullying and help a child outside of school - in one-to-one meetings, trainings or as part of a teenage psychotherapy group, where in a safe environment you can discuss school situations and learn new ways of behaving.

In Soviet times, it was not customary to talk about bullying. Bullying is generally a fairly new term in the psychology of education, although it has always been a phenomenon. There are a number of myths about why it is useful, but in general, there is a lot of talk now about violence and countering violence, so the situation should change with bullying.

Bullying is a socio-psychological phenomenon that has been forming since ancient times and is growing in scale in the modern world. It is believed that bullying by girls, unlike boys, is psychologically more difficult for the victim, girls are more sophisticated in the methods of bullying, which leaves an indelible imprint on the psyche of the victim.

Bullying - what is it?

Bullying comes from the English word bulling - bullying, and is an act of violence, aggressive attack in the form of insult, humiliation, bodily harm to one or more people, children for the purpose of submission. It is carried out at the initial stage by 1-2 instigators or bullers, with the gradual involvement of the entire class, group or collective. Mobbing and bullying are related phenomena. is “herd” bullying, for example, when a newcomer appears in a school or team, and unlike bullying, only psychological bullying is used.

Bullying reasons

Why is the socio-psychological phenomenon of bullying (bullying) not being eradicated? There are many reasons for this, one of which is domestic violence, and bulls themselves are often victims in their own family. The desire to humiliate or cripple others grows out of a sense of his own inferiority, the buller does not have control over the situation of violence at home, but in society, at school, he can do this, and feel himself holding power in his hands.

Other reasons:

• puberty - during hormonal "shock" (restructuring), increased levels of testosterone and adrenaline are released into the bloodstream in adolescents, which can lead to an increase;
• a tendency to sadism;
• desire to be in the spotlight;
• high level of claims.

Bullying victims

Why the choice of the victim falls on a certain child - it is difficult to answer this question, rather it stems from the causes of the phenomenon itself. Often, the victims of school bullying are:

• unsuccessful students;
• gifted children;
• children with disabilities;
• children of teachers;
• complainers and snitches;
• children from poor families;
• representatives;
• representatives of other nationalities;
• children with unusual thinking;
• favorites of teachers.

The psychology of bullying

At the heart of violence, aggression, there are three constituent structures: the persecutor - bully or buller, the victim, and the observers. The fourth component is very rarely present - the defender. Studying the phenomenon of bullying, psychologists came to the conclusion that feelings such as envy, hostility, a false sense of injustice, a desire to assert oneself can cause the formation of this phenomenon in the school environment. An apology for bullying is only a small compensation for the victim's feelings if adults recognize the fact of bullying in time and take action.

Bullying types

The types of bullying are subdivided according to the type of influence on the person. It can be physical abuse with bodily harm, and psychological pressure. The division is conditional, because the infliction of physical injuries is also associated with a deterioration of the mental state, it does not matter whether it is a child or an adult who knows how to stand up for himself, if the bullying is systematic, both the body and the spirit of a person suffer, especially with regard to sexual violence.

Bullying at school

School bullying involves the aggression of some children against others, or even a whole class bullying one student. This happens at first episodically, then systematically, and is consolidated on a regular basis. There are 2 main manifestations of violence in schools:

1. Physical bullying- the child is pinched, given cuffs, kicks, sometimes grievous bodily harm.
2. Psychological bullying- impact on the psyche with the help of:

• threats;
• accelerations;
• persecution;
• intimidation;
• hanging offensive nicknames, labels;
• boycott announcements, isolation;
• extortion of money, personal belongings.

A new type of psychological bullying is cyber bullying. By e-mail, messengers begin to send the child vile messages, images, offending dignity, can be intimidated by threats of reprisals. The difference between cyber bullying and traditional bullying is that the bully remains anonymous, which aggravates the psychological state of the child, because the danger, threat are not identified, and this greatly suppresses the personality.

Bullying at work

Psychological pressure from work colleagues is not uncommon. In any community, you can find someone who is the "scapegoat" or "lamb to the slaughter." Bullying at work how to deal with psychologists' recommendations:

• improve your professionalism, become indispensable in your position, no one can accuse you of incompetence;
• it is not recommended to become like the offender, this will only intensify the provocation on his part, let him shout, insult until he runs out of steam, you can explain this to yourself by the fact that “whoever hurts, he talks about it,” in this case, shouts;
• it is important to find like-minded people - these can be employees who have previously been bullied;
• ask for help from the manual;
• if the bullying continues, as an option, ask the manager to transfer to another unit.

Bullying in the family

Family bullying- a phenomenon common in the modern world, its reasons lie in heredity (genetic predisposition in the form of character accentuation), economic, social, medical and psychological factors. There are 3 types of bullying in the family:

1. Physical bullying- systematic damage to the health of a child, another family member with bodily harm, physical trauma.
2. Sexy bullying- involvement of a child without his consent in the sexual actions of adults, to satisfy their sexual needs.
3. Psychological bullying- humiliation of the dignity of the child, violence against the person with the help of insults, psychopathological traits are formed in the child.

How to deal with bullying?

How to stop bullying - psychologists, heads of educational institutions are working on this topical issue, it is difficult to eradicate bullying if everything was left to chance from the very beginning and violence is flourishing. Prevention is the only way to nip everything in the bud, then the consequences are minimal and not so dire. Bullers are often teenagers from disadvantaged families, so correcting behavioral disorders and working with families is an important aspect of combating bullying.

How to detect bullying?

How to deal with bullying? To do this, you need to be in observation, this also applies to a specific special case when a parent notices that something is wrong with his child and the teacher's observation of the microclimate in the classroom and the general desire of the entire teaching and administrative staff to see, observe the life of the school as a whole. This allows you to identify cases of bullying at an early stage, when suppression measures can still have the desired impact and minimize psychological trauma. What to look for for both parents and teachers:

• a child, a teenager at recess huddles away from everyone, does not talk to anyone, has a depressed look;
• the student's health deteriorates, frequent psychosomatic manifestations in the form of respiratory diseases;
• at the desk the student sits alone, no one wants to sit down to him (often these are the last desks in the row);
• at breaks, or after lessons, you can observe a picture of how a group of children is waiting for someone, looking around, while the aggression emanating from them is felt;
• in the cafeteria, you can also suspect that something was wrong when one of the students constantly buys food for another (often younger students buy lunch for high school students);
• parents may note the fact that the child began to often ask for money for the "needs" of the class, so it is important to find out this point from the class teacher;
• the child comes home depressed, goes to school with great reluctance.

Bullying prevention

Bullying prevention at school should be built by the joint efforts of teachers, administrative staff and parents, then only we can talk about success. Bullying at school how to fight - prevention:

• creating conditions in the school that do not allow bullying;
• if a case of bullying does occur, prompt measures are important: to separate the victim and the bully, to reduce stress;
• work with children to strengthen the personality and spirit, exercises to resist aggression;
• identifying the forms of bullying that take place at school;
• discussion of the problem at the level of classes, teaching staff;
• conversation with Bullers and their parents;
• correction of destructive behavior of an aggressive student, work with his family.

The consequences of bullying

Bullying leaves an indelible mark on the psyche of all participants in the process. The victim of bullying is the most affected party and the consequences depend on how long the bullying lasted. The most frequent psychological disorders are a decrease in self-esteem, the consolidation of the status of a "victim", various psychosomatic disorders, the formation of neuroses and phobias. The scary thing is that there is a high percentage of victims of bullying.

Bullers also face the consequences of their destructive behavior, becoming adults, they look back at themselves with regret in the past, the feeling of guilt and shame accompanies them throughout their future lives. Such an imprint in the soul does not allow living a full life, a person often mentally returns to those moments and, as it were, mentally tries to correct them. But among the Bullers there are also many who associate their lives with crime and continue to act destructively on people and society as a whole. Responsibility for bullying exists and the actions of bullying are criminalized, it is important to remember this.

There is also a category of observers or spectators who see bullying, but pass by, the policy of non-interference is costly for the victims of bullying, but also leaves an imprint on the soul of the observer: the voice of conscience is dulled, a person becomes callous, indifferent, incapable of sympathy and compassion, these feelings are just due to protective reactions they atrophy.

Bullying, mobbing, trolling - these concepts, with minor clarifications, mean one thing - child cruelty.

When your child is bullied in the school team, the name of the terms invented by psychologists is not so significant. It is important to understand how to stop child bullying - bullying. Deliver your son or daughter from the fate of the victim. What can we, as parents, do in the event of child terror, and what can we teach our children.

What is bullying

Bullying in school is when one child terrorizes a weaker fellow practitioner.

If there are several of those who mock a classmate, this is mobbing.

The term trolling is used when terrorizing via the Internet and social networks.

These concepts often overlap: if the unspoken leader starts bullying, his friends will immediately pick it up. And cyber-bullying or trolling, in another way, is now used in conjunction with bullying in real life.

The term “bullying” is over a hundred years old, but child bullying itself is eternal.

Signs of bullying at school:

1. Physical and mental weakness of the victim.
2. Consistency. That is, aggression is repeated from time to time in relation to the same fellow practitioner.
3. Deliberate negative behavior of the child-aggressor.

Typically, bullying at school starts with psychological aggression:

• These can be offensive statements, ridicule and insults addressed to the victim. Often an offensive nickname is given that picks up the whole class, gossip is spread, both in reality and on the Internet.
• Threats of causing physical harm, both by violence against the child himself and over his loved ones.
• Actions such as making obscene gestures towards a bully victim. Throwing his personal belongings into the trash, spitting in the face and on his clothes. Aggressors can steal things, money from a child. All this has an extremely negative effect on the psyche.
• Inclination to illegal actions. They can use threats or promises to stop bullying and force them to steal, set fire to or break something.
• Extortion of both money and belongings from the victim.
• Boycott or ignorance.

Physical bullying at school:

• Physical harm. It can be kicks, hits and even beatings with serious health consequences.
• Sexual activities. Mostly girls suffer from this, but boys can also be harmed in this way.

Bullying reasons

Bullying of a weaker child can take place even in kindergarten or in elementary school. But bullying takes its greatest scope in adolescence. It is during this period that it is most important to stop child bullying at school. If this is not done, the teenager learns the victim's behavioral characteristics for life.

Any schoolchild can be bullied. But most often the victim of aggression is the child who is somehow different from the collective.

These are children who do not know how to hide their own moral or physical weakness:

• Such children find it difficult to find a common language with their peers, prefer the society of adults and teachers.
• Physically weak children, possibly with disabilities.
• Emotional children who react vividly to any attempt to hurt them, which causes laughter from others.
• Insecure.
• The teenagers who are the worst or poorest dressed.
• Those who do not take care of their own hygiene: they smell bad, have dirty clothes, hair or teeth.
• Students who are negatively treated by adults. How many times have we heard about the inappropriate attitude of teachers? They give the moral right to treat rejected classmates badly.

How to recognize if your child is being bullied at school

Quite often, especially in adolescence, the student becomes secretive. When parents ask how are things at school, they grump "normally" through clenched teeth. But it is not difficult for attentive parents to understand that something is wrong with their son or daughter.

A few signs that your sibling is having communication problems:

• After school, the child is often depressed.
• He is reluctant to go to school, looking for any reason not to attend an educational institution. If you manage to miss it, it looks much happier.
• May categorically refuse to go to lessons.
• He has no friends at school. If you need to find out about homework, such a child even has no one to call from his classmates.
• Does not participate in extracurricular activities. He does not go to birthday parties and visit other students, does not invite anyone to his place.
• Tells practically nothing about school life.
• There are times when a student comes home from school earlier than expected and does not tell the reason for the unauthorized departure.

If you, as a parent, have doubts about what is happening to your child, do not be afraid to ask the class teacher and school counselor for information. They have a responsibility to know what's going on with their students at their school. If the teachers do not give a clear answer to your questions, go further - to the head teacher, director and the local Department of Education.

But the best way to find out what's going on is to have a relationship of trust with your son or daughter.

Bullying in school - what to do for parents

The sequence of actions for bullying is as follows:

• Make sure the school is actually being bullied.
• Discuss the current situation with teachers and the school psychologist, find solutions together. In this case, teachers should conduct conversations with other students, find out their position and explain its consequences. Take a closer look at what happens to the victim during breaks. Call the parents of the aggressor for a conversation, connect you to it.
• It is better for the child to spend one or two days at home while the proceedings are ongoing with the students.
• It might be worth transferring your son or daughter to another class or even school. The new team is also some stress for the student, but it can be an order of magnitude less than communication with their school pursuers.
• If the parents are depressed and their parents suspect PTSD, it is necessary to consult a psychologist.
• The main thing for parents is not to dismiss their child's problems. Do not consider them as something insignificant and passing. If there is no parental support, the child alone will not cope with the aggression directed against him. You need to listen carefully to the teenager, ask leading questions, and most importantly, in no case condemn his actions or inaction if he has become a victim of bullying at school.
• Discussing future behavior together is necessary, but not past actions, no matter how wrong they seem to you. The child only gains experience of communication, learns to correctly show or hide his emotions. Your job is to help, not judge.
• Support the victim with the phrases: “You are not guilty of anything”, “I believe you”, “We will solve this problem”, “This often happens to other students”, “I am very sorry”.
• Discuss the reasons for the behavior of the main bullying instigator. Most likely, this desire will assert itself at the expense of a weaker fellow practitioner, a desire for power, or a way to survive family problems or violence.
• Demonstrate a desire to protect the child.
• Get advocates on your side, such as the parents of other students or teachers.
• Remind your child about his achievements, about what he is no worse than others or even better. Have him make a list of his strengths. This can be, for example: "I run the fastest", "I sing the best in the choir", "I can sew" and the like. Help your child make such a list and do not remove it, let it always be in front of your eyes.
• If you know of something bad about a bullying classmate, share it with your child and teach how to use it against your bully. Yes, this is a dishonest trick, but sometimes it should be used in self-defense.

You need to find a scope for your offspring's talents. It can be one of the sports, music, painting, or any other activity that you like. Now there are many children's clubs with all kinds of circles. If a small person finds a hobby in which he achieves results, he will feel much more confident in communication.

But do not force children to go to workouts or clubs where they do not want. This will only add stress to their life, and success in something that does not lie in the heart is still not achieved. It is not scary if the children changed several circles, sooner or later they will find something that will be interesting to them and add self-confidence.

Speak aloud the hypothetical situations that the student may get into and the options for his answers. In a critical situation, this will help you quickly navigate and rebuff the offenders.

Remember, the sooner you intervene, the easier it will be to stop child bullying.

When the conflict is settled, you can start to act for the future:

• More often invite those children with whom your offspring gets along.
• Parents begin to actively participate in school life: organize events, trips, trips.
• Build relationships with parents of classmates, spend time with their children.

Self defense

Many parents have a desire to send their child to self-defense or karate classes. Of course, in life, such skills will not hurt anyone. But do not expect that the child in a real situation will be able to physically fight back opponents. This requires a special kind of character, which is unlikely to be possessed by the victim of bullying.

In this case, how to stop child bullying - bullying?

The main method of defense lies in the psychological plane, not the physical one. The winner is the one who is ready to go to the end, and not the one who knows more self-defense techniques or even stronger physically.

It is necessary to teach the child the correct behavior, the ability to defend his point of view and position as a whole, and not follow the lead of the school community. From a young age, it is necessary to instill in the child a sense of pride, self-esteem and self-confidence.

Tell your children how to recognize lies, manipulation. It's very easy to do even with the youngest children - just draw your kids' attention to moments like these in fairy tales or cartoons. As an example, the tale of Pinocchio. Here the fox Alice and the cat Basilio are trying to trick Buratino or Rumplestiltskin in a cartoon about Shrek for older children. Draw the child's attention to the intonation of the characters, the expression on their faces when trying to manipulate and lie. When reading fairy tales, emphasize the words and their real meaning. Discuss with the child the situations in life that he witnessed - how to respond and act to the one who was offended so as not to be in the role of the victim.

Outcomes

Children are like little animals, they need to be brought up with humanity, kindness and participation for many years. Learn what is good and bad. Plus, due to their age, they are simply not able to fully control their emotions and actions that cause them.

That is why parents are engaged in the upbringing of their offspring at home, and the school has appointed teachers and social educators for this. But, to the great regret of our entire society, teachers now absolutely do not care what is happening in the children's team. Unless this affects the grades - after all, teachers receive their salaries based on the overall performance of the class.

Bullying at school is common. The article describes how to deal with it, what effective methods can be used by teachers and parents, as well as about preventive work in an educational institution.

The content of the article:

Bullying in school is the systematic bullying of a weaker student by a classmate or collectively. The victim can be children from dysfunctional or low-income families, with physical problems, with bright talents, or simply weak, shy and indecisive in nature. If a case of bullying is identified, it is extremely important for the teaching staff, the administration of the institution and parents to work together to eliminate it, as well as to prevent the occurrence of a similar situation.

Methods to Stop Bullying in School

Each teacher is left with child abuse on his own, and it is very good if parents and school administration are involved in overcoming the problem. How to deal with it effectively, future teachers should be taught in pedagogical universities. But for some reason they consider this problem to be insignificant. Therefore, it is extremely important to be prepared for a situation in order to be able to settle it in time even before the start of an open conflict.

Incorrect communication methods with children include the following points: ineffective evocation of pity, defining the problem of bullying as a personal problem of the victim, long explanations of what happened, recognition of the legality of the rules of the game "hit or hit", accusations or punishment. The latter is an example of violence on the part of teachers, since punishment is possible, but in a very extreme case.

Correct methods include:

• Conversation with children of primary school age, censure... Under the age of 12, the problem of bullying at school is easier to solve than with older children. At this age, schoolchildren have not yet formed moral principles, and they rely on the opinion of the teacher. It will be enough to hold conversations with all the participants in the persecution, show the unattractive behavior of the aggressors and show your own negative attitude towards what is happening.
• Influence on the aggressor from the outside... After 12 years, moral convictions have already formed, and they will not be easy to change. The personality and authority of an adult fade into the background, and the reference group of peers comes to the fore. Therefore, you will have to act subtly, gradually shaping public opinion.
• Attracting a reputable ally... First, you need to try to convince, explain the inadmissibility and ineffectiveness of bullying. An authoritative teacher for children or an adult should talk with the class, because everything here depends on the strength of conviction and inner faith in what is being said. Otherwise, everything will fly past the ears. Children should respect this person, listen to him. If a teacher of the same importance comes to them, the whole conversation will not make sense.

The plan for talking with children should include the following key points:

1. Directness... We call the problem by our name - this is bullying, rotting. Do not beat around the bush, children do not like this. Explain that bullying is a class issue, not a specific person. Violence is like an infectious disease that a group has contracted, and everyone needs to take care of the health within their group. Relationships should be kept clean, as are your face and clothing.
2. Role reversal... Give an example in a way that makes everyone feel like a victim. This method can be applied in private with the aggressor or with teachers if they do not understand the seriousness of what is happening: "Imagine that you enter the classroom, say hello, and everyone turns away from you, what will you feel?" Explain that people are different and that each person has characteristics that may annoy others.
3. Introduction of new rules of conduct and responsibility... Invite abusive alphas to take responsibility for innovation. This will help them save face and get out of a destructive position. As for the changes, they can affect leisure in free school or extracurricular time.
4. Specialist help... Invite a psychologist to conduct special psychological games that make it possible to feel like a victim and realize the inadmissibility of bullying.

The impotence of teachers in the face of bullying does not mean that violence in schools cannot be tackled. There are simple methods for overcoming bullying, but educators do not always consider it necessary to use them. Therefore, it is a difficult task for parents to motivate the school to provide children with physical and psychological safety within its walls.

School bullying has no chance of originating in classes where the teacher himself is the alpha. At the same time, it does not matter whether the teacher has a positive authority or tyrannizes children. In the first case, he can effectively suppress manifestations of violence, relying on the respect and love of students. In the second, children are forced to unite to resist pressure, there is not enough energy for civil strife.

Tips for parents to help their child with bullying at school

With good, trusting relationships in the family, no tricks are required to detect school trouble. The child will tell about his problems himself. But all children have different characters, and there is an "age of silence" when the child prefers not to talk about his troubles.

In these cases, you will have to focus on indirect signs:

• External manifestations... Frequent bruises and abrasions, torn and dirty clothes, damaged books and notebooks. Reluctance to go to school, strange detour routes.
• Character changes... Irritability, irascibility, rudeness towards minors and parents.
• Loneliness... There are no friends among classmates, they are absent from friends on social networks. No one from the class comes to visit, does not enter on the way to school or back.

In this situation, psychological help from parents is very important. They should help the child cope with the problem in this way:

1. Communication... First of all, you need to explain to the child that he is not to blame for what is happening to him. To call a phenomenon what it is is bullying. And promise to help cope. A son or daughter may be categorically against interference, children are afraid of increased pressure and bullying. But this moment will have to be overcome. The condition will help: either a conversation with a teacher, or another school.
2. Support... It is important to listen to complaints and emotionally empathize with the child. One should not analyze or evaluate his stories, but simply be on his side. Even if there is an understanding that a son or daughter is different from others, they provoke aggression and do the wrong thing. Only aggression can provoke violence. The child did not beat anyone and did not call names, which means that no one has the right to offend him on the grounds that he is not like that.
3. Conversation at school... To stop bullying and violence at school, call a spade a spade when talking to educators and ask them to do so. You can not use streamlined definitions like "the relationship did not work out", "no one is friends." We must say right away: this is bullying, humiliation, mockery. The parent's task is to find a person who will call what is happening by his own name to the rest. If the teacher talks about the child's shortcomings instead of admitting the bullying, then you need to go further. The head teacher, director, GORONO - such a person will definitely be found, and the school is unlikely to want to let the conflict out of its walls.

Left on his own in a bullying situation, the child may break down. This is manifested in the eerie scenes of his violence against himself. Children cut their veins, hurt themselves, and cut their hair. It is very important for parents not to waste time, not to lose the child's trust, to express all-round support and assistance to him.

The psychological climate in the children's team is not an indicator of the success of an educational institution, but strongly influences its positive image among parents. Bullying is not prevented at school, so teachers and psychologists are forced to work with cases of violence that have already occurred. Here they pay more attention to academic performance, the results of tests and Olympiads.

The main preventive measure of bullying at school is the selection of a competent team of teachers. The teacher should not only be fluent in his subject, but also be able to work with the children's team. Child abuse cannot be dealt with without a reputable adult.

The best time to prevent violence is junior school. The challenge is to teach children positive interaction. It is better if the roles of the alpha (leader) and outsiders are not rigidly fixed, and the hierarchy in the class is harmonious. This is possible if a small team lives not only by study, but also by some other business: contests, competitions, jointly organized leisure outside the city.

Jointly created group rules help. They can be written out on a separate poster and hung in the classroom. But they don't have to be formal. The group and the teacher constantly monitor their performance and discuss what else needs to be done to make the class more friendly and united.

Important! Preventing violence is easier than suppressing it. In addition, the consequence of conniving at the situation can be not a single broken life and spoiled reputation of the school.

How to deal with bullying at school - watch the video:

The biggest mistake is to keep silent about cases of school violence and wait for the situation to resolve itself. Any child is defenseless against bullying and runs the risk of severe psychological injury with prolonged consequences for the rest of his life. Therefore, the greatest responsibility lies with the parents. If the situation cannot be resolved with the help of the proposed methods, it is necessary to take the child from the nightmare place and look for more acceptable conditions with a more qualified teaching staff.