How to part with your wife and child. How to survive a divorce from your wife and start a new life? Under the same roof

On the stress scale, the situation of conflict and divorce with a partner is in second place. Both women and men suffer from experiences. How to survive a divorce from your wife? If the situation is complicated by treason, division of property, the man becomes very vulnerable. The hardest part is the realization that love has not yet passed. Divorce from a loved one is a severe mental crisis. So how to survive parting with your beloved woman?

Stages of experience

Divorce is usually preceded by a conflict stage. The man found out about the betrayal, the wife decided to leave because of material difficulties, the conflict lasted a very long time. The first reaction of a man going through a divorce is usually associated with a psychological defense: "Everything will still be fine."

Psychologists call this reaction an escape from reality, an avoidance of a problem situation. The main stages of the experience:

Denial flows into an aggressive attitude towards the partner. In especially difficult cases, ugly scandals begin, other people and children are involved in the conflict. If the wife has gone to another, then there is a feeling of anger, hatred, a desire to infringe. Moreover, these feelings smoothly flow into painful love.
When the fact of leaving is confirmed, then after realizing the problem, methods of psychological influence begin. Manipulation, bribery, threat of children, blackmail are used. Psychologists are sure that this is a road to nowhere and such methods do not help to survive parting with his wife. At this stage, it can be difficult to part, the spouses can start a relationship again, try to save the marriage.
The penultimate stage is depression. A man feels the pain of loss, his self-esteem decreases, and fear is present. Sometimes the pain is drowned out by alcohol, someone goes to work, trying to reduce the suffering of separation by talking to friends and family. The behavior of abandoned men depends on temperament and character.
There is also the last stage - the acceptance of the fact of a woman's divorce and departure. This is the stage of adaptation, coming to life, aiming at a new life. But how to survive a divorce from your wife and come to the last stage with dignity? Are there any methods and ways?

How can a man survive a divorce? Expert advice:

Do not use children for divorce problems. For children, divorce becomes a very painful story, as the world with dad and mom collapses. Do not pull the child over to your side, do not speak badly about your wife. Let divorce become only your problem with your spouse.
The natural reaction is resentment and anger. It does not need to be contained, but it should be released in a constructive manner. Exercise, kayaking, motorcycle riding master class. What have you always dreamed of? Taking pictures, shooting at targets, going fishing in an unusual place? Release your anger with new activities and concerns.
If there are suicidal thoughts, symptoms of depression, insomnia, then you should consult a psychotherapist. It is very difficult for men to do this, but the statistics of practicing specialists say that men often do not know how to cope with the departure of their wife, they need help from outside.
Look for the pros in the current situation. Yes, you broke up, joined the divorce club. If you still love, it seems that there is no worse situation. Try writing a letter to the future. What good will happen to you in a year, three, five years?

What not to do?

Drink grief with alcohol. Parting is always difficult, but alcohol will give temporary relief or aggravate the condition.
Blackmailing his wife, taking revenge, promising mountains of gold.
There is no need to cultivate feelings of guilt and inferiority. If you think you are guilty of something in front of your spouse, then ask for forgiveness. But you need to understand that apologizing cannot persuade a person to change his intention to leave.
In a state of mental pain, important decisions should not be made. They can be impulsive and hurt you.

My history

Oleg, 41 years old

“My wife and I have lived for 15 years. Our daughter was growing up, we were working, going to buy a new car. I can't say that everything was smooth with us, but there were no particular conflicts in our relations. I will not say how, but I found out about my wife's infidelity. The first reaction is shock. What to do? Divorce? What about your daughter? She is 11 years old and needs both parents. After long conversations with my wife, a solution came to me. I cannot continue my old family life, but our daughter is growing up. We are responsible for her upbringing, she should not suffer because of us. I suggested: "Let's stay a family for the child, but we won't live like a husband and wife." I can say that a lot of our life has gone, we have a family only formally and I still don’t know how it’s easier. ”

Victor, 50 years old

“My ex-wife and I have lived for over twenty years, we have grown-up children, we have grandchildren. Two years ago, my wife left for another. This was her first love, an oriental man, their parents forbade them to meet in their youth. After many years, they found each other again. After her unexpected departure, I became not myself. I have always been a loving husband, I did everything only for the family and for her, forgetting about myself. I will not hide, there were thoughts to solve the problem by passing away, but the children did not give it. They stood up for me like a mountain. They took me skiing, arranged unexpected holidays, often came to visit with friends and did not leave me alone.

A year later, I officially divorced, got a new job and met a woman. In my 50 years, life began to shine with new colors. How to survive a divorce from your wife? It seems to me that it takes time and support from loved ones. "

Igor, 30 years old

“Three years after the wedding, my wife left me. She decided to get divorced because of my character. She said that I was soft, purposeless, I had no ambitions. After she left, my self-esteem was shaken. I could not build relationships with girls, there was no trust in them. My sister advised me to see a psychotherapist. Six months of work allowed me to accept the situation, highlight my strengths and weaknesses. It became easier for me to live and communicate ”.

It doesn't matter who is the initiator of the breakup, divorce is always a strong shock, accompanied by a whole palette of negative emotions. Women react especially sharply to this event, because they immediately acquire the status of "abandoned", "single", "divorced" and other clichés for which society is so generous. But this is with regards to adults. The parents' divorce hits children harder, and if you do not provide the necessary support to your child in time, this trauma can bring many unpleasant consequences in the future. Today psychologists will answer the most painful questions: what to do when parting, how to survive a divorce from your husband, if you have a child or a woman is in a position? And, in the end, is there a good divorce?

It is easy to scatter in different directions if people, apart from the rented apartment, are not connected by anything else. But what about parting, when there is another man in the world, his own blood, a beloved child who is not guilty of anything? Spouses part for different reasons - they meet other people, do not agree in character, have different ideas about life, common goals, etc. But this is understandable only for a husband and wife! Children, on the other hand, who love instinctively, purely, openly, do not understand / accept divorce, so the behavior of their parents should be neat and calm.

What is the right way to survive parting with your husband if you have common children? What should NOT be done?

Find out the relationship with the husband with the child. Protect him from shouts, humiliation, tears, threats - he is already incredibly scared! Have the strength to speak calmly behind a closed door.
Manipulate your child. It so happens that children most often remain after a divorce from their mother, but this does not mean that they belong to her completely and unconditionally! It is foolish to try to control the behavior of a spouse (stay, return) with the help of children - in practice, such tricks take a sad turn.
Scold / criticize / accuse the head of the family for divorce. Even if he is a traitor, a coward and a scoundrel, a child cannot hear this. He loves dad just for being, so don't mix dirty laundry with childish feelings.
Make your baby feel guilty with your hurt and tears. If a mother withdraws into herself, pushes her children away, or is deeply depressed, children with limited social experience begin to take the blame on themselves.
Forbid the husband to see the children. If children feel the love of both parents - it is easier for them to go through a divorce, women should remember this! In addition, the father has every right to meet with his own child.
Forging other relationships in the name of revenge. Do not stab the child! Seeing that a "new" dad has appeared - he will experience the strongest shock and fear, because in his little head there are thoughts that you are looking for a replacement for HIM.
Hope for family reunification. Hope dies last, and it gives strength to each person, this is true. But experiencing false hope, you, as if for the first time, again and again are shattered against the insurmountable pain! Set yourself up for the fact that the husband does not come to your house, but to be with the child. Then time will tell how things will turn out, but now rebuild!

Even if you met a man who fell in love with you - wait and introduce him into the family. Children need time for this, so be more tolerant.

How to survive the divorce in the best way?

To survive a divorce from your husband with minimal emotional losses, having a child in your arms, you must, first of all, forgive your chosen one. Anger and resentment are insidious allies, they destroy all the good that was, is and will be in the future. It is difficult, of course, because all the problems that the husband creates by leaving the family fall on the woman. But you can't do without it! Psychologists have proved that wives who have managed to let go and forgive the faithful, recover much faster and easier! It will be ideal if you can (find the strength) to tell your husband your feelings. So you finish your gestalt to the end and close this topic forever.

Allow yourself to be sad, worried, cry. Do not suppress negative emotions in yourself, give them a way out, because tears make it easier to cope with stress. Just agree with yourself that this will only happen when the children are already asleep (on the street, at school). Even if, after seeing your husband's favorite mug, you want to howl from unbearable melancholy, tell yourself: “I will cry in 1.5 hours. I don’t have time for this yet! ”

Please yourself and the children, let them be naughty, go to the cinema, parks, be in society more often. Live "here and now", find happiness in small things - this way you will give children the feeling that life does not end! Consider getting a pet - animals are great at reanimating children!

Do what you wanted for a long time. Change your image, rearrangement, make repairs, throw out the old sofa, go in for sports, go to your grandmother for a week. A happy family starts with a happy mom!

If your strength is running out, and you feel that you are simply not able to survive the departure of your husband, seek help from a psychologist. It will help you look at the problem from the other side, analyze and live your feelings, and also teach you how to free yourself from fears and doubts!

How to help children cope with parental divorce

No matter how painful it may be to one of the spouses from the news of the divorce, the main task of the parents is to take care of the psychological safety and comfort of their child. Even if you part on a sharply negative note, the baby is not to blame for anything. After all, he sees in you the most beloved and irreplaceable people for himself - mom and dad.

First, you need to talk frankly about this topic with your child. Age does not matter - whether he is 3 or 15, he has the right to know what is going on around him! Speak and explain the situation, accept any questions without fear and do not be cunning in the answers! Your systematic silence (tears, clarification of circumstances, scandals) lead to the fact that the child subconsciously projects your disagreement onto himself! And this threatens with solitude, aggression, apathy, enuresis, depression and other neurotic symptoms.

Choose the right words:

“It happens in life that adults disagree, but this is no one's fault - you remain our beloved child, despite the fact that we will live separately”;
“If the parents get divorced, it’s not a shame”;
“Despite the fact that dad lives separately, he is your dad, and you are his beloved son (daughter), and it will always be so”;
“You can ask me any questions without fear and hesitation, and in return you have the right to receive honest answers”;
“You have the right not to tell me what you don’t want”;
“You can show your emotions - this is normal, I will not stop loving you for that”;
“I ask you not to be torn between us, because I know that your love has no boundaries, just like ours has no end in relation to you”;
“None of us is bad”;
"Don't be afraid - nobody left you."

Psychologists advise to pronounce these phrases as often as possible, willingly answering counter questions. However, do not turn these conversations into psychotherapy sessions - do not burden the child more than his child's psyche is ready to take on!

Secondly, during this acute period, give your child more attention, affection, care, no matter how painful it may be when your spouse leaves! Remember that he is covered by various alarms at a given time. Give him reliability, security, protection, so that he feels needed and loved.

In addition, be sure to read interesting books, discuss the behavior of the characters from the stories. At the end of each story, ask how the kid would act in the character's place and why that is. Thanks to this technique, you will allow the little person to work through intrapersonal conflicts, thus restoring the emotional sphere. This is especially important if the child, after a divorce, tries to keep silent or bypass this sore subject. Paint, dance, sing - release childhood fears.

Dream with your child more often, imagine and discuss the future. Plan your weekend, make your dreams come true. Make it clear to him that after your dad leaves, you do not become lonely. Fill your free time with positive things.

Finally, the most important thing is to invite your husband to holidays, matinees, competitions, meetings and other important events. Learn - you have to become friends. Find the strength for this, you are adults! Let your child know that you can be happy even when you are in different territories!

The biggest mistake parents make is to believe that it is not necessary (early) for a child to delve into their divorce. He is an equal member of the family! Therefore, find the right words for him, otherwise he will have to think out everything himself. And childhood fantasy is not good for this.

Divorce during pregnancy

Unfortunately, it happens that the divorce coincides with the period when the woman is pregnant. It doesn't matter for what reasons the union breaks up - the fact remains. But in these months the support, care, attention of a loved one is so important.

First, you need to calm down and realize that you are now responsible for the life of the crumbs. Now you are not alone, soon your happiness will be born, the meaning of life, which will replace all experiences and sorrows into the background. Therefore, the main task now is to maintain emotional balance so that the baby is healthy. Try to do without tantrums, scandals, nervous breakdowns - find interesting activities for yourself, walk more often, surround yourself with family or loved ones.

Secondly, drive away from yourself the thought that with the appearance of a child in your personal life, you can put an end to it. If that were so, with our divorce statistics, everyone would walk around as lonely, suffering people. The time will come when you and your baby will feel the desire to let a worthy man into your family - and then everything will be as it should be!

Third, never try to manipulate your husband because of your position. If a man decides to divorce at such an important time for you, nothing will stop him. Tune in to the positive, plunge headlong into these pleasant chores, and drive unworthy people away.

No matter how painful it may be, accept that you must become a strong, wise mother, whose child is not to blame for anything. Do not live with pity either for yourself or for the future child, believe me, after childbirth, all worries, disappointments and resentments will be left behind. And ahead of you is the greatest, purest and most sincere love that only exists on earth!

Divorce, you can't save the marriage!

It is not for nothing that this section has a name in which a different variation of the outcome is possible. This is the sore point that a woman prefers to bypass. We are, of course, talking about a dysfunctional union, in which people cry and shout more often, where there is no longer a place for affectionate words and hugs, where all family members are in strong tension or fear.

This happens in families where the husband has addictions (all sorts of addictions) or obvious mental abnormalities (pathological jealousy, obsessive fears, aggression, tyranny, total control over household members, etc.). It would seem that a divorce from such personalities should smell like freedom, relief, a happy event, but no! Some women cannot decide on this because of their children together, as they mistakenly believe that even such a father is better than his absence.

Is it necessary to keep such a family? Psychologists invite you to answer this question yourself!

Who is a person who cannot give up alcohol, gambling, drugs, or cannot control his own emotions? This is a sick person. No matter how you hoped, asked to improve, forced to think again, threatened, persuaded - it will not bring any results. As long as the patient likes what is happening, a miracle will not happen.

What is the danger of such diseases (deviations)?

The first and main reason is that a person can behave inappropriately, endangering the health and life of his family members. Set your priorities soberly: is it better for children to be in constant fear, watching scandals, assault and mother's tears, or grow up in an inferior but calm and reliable family? How can a child, plunging into the maelstrom of aggression or hysterics every day, grow into a confident, mentally healthy person? Obviously not. In addition, he can adopt a bad example and later turn into the same weak-willed, weak (despotic, embittered) family man, unable to love, appreciate and respect his loved ones. Have you dreamed about such a fate for your own children?

You can't fool a child. If he feels that mistrust, tension, neglect or irritation hovers between his parents - he will suffer greatly from this, because he has to observe it every day. Prioritize your important decisions correctly!

The marriage cannot be saved!

If, nevertheless, common sense outweighed all the timid "pros", proceed to action decisively:

Admit that your husband is sick. Every adult makes decisions for his own health. You are not a doctor! You are a loving mother who is ready to make every effort to protect children from pain, giving them the chance to grow up to be full, healthy people.
Discard all doubts, fears and fears without hesitation! Do not be afraid of anything, do not give in to the persuasions and entreaties of your husband or other people. Trust that your family has a chance for happiness.
Drive out your guilt or remorse. You are responsible only for your own children, so shake off the role of the “great martyr”, which carries other people's complexes, weaknesses, and mistakes.
Analyze your feelings. Surely, there has long been no love, trepidation, desire to look after, give affection and care to this person. Remember what “married” means.
Finally leave. Everything, you and your children are starting a new life! Change your phone number, avoid meetings, no longer believe empty promises. There is no turning back! You are not a savior, you are a woman who needs to remember her destiny!

It is difficult for women to make such decisions, because they do not want to destroy the family, whatever it may be, with their own hands. But remember that the union was not destroyed by you - it has already collapsed and cannot be restored. Yes, sorry for the time spent, but know that you still have everything ahead of you. Now you yourself will set the pace for future relationships, because you know exactly what will be acceptable in them and what will not!

Divorce can crush, knock down even the most powerful woman. Remember that every fall makes you more resilient and stronger in the future. Life does not end after a divorce, it just takes on a new taste, color and direction. Do you think it's harder to go through a divorce with a child? Far from it! After all, you have a small shoulder in your ally, unconditional love, a powerful incentive to move forward! You are together, which means that you are not afraid of any changes! Children are the raison d'être of human existence, so the mindset for success is already guaranteed to you! Be happy!

Divorce is always difficult and painful. After all, with this person you were going to spend the rest of your life, made joint plans, raised children. And now all hopes have dashed, and an important stage has been left behind.

And what lies ahead is still unknown and incomprehensible. Plus stress and deep emotional turmoil, even if you are the initiator of the breakup. And it is still hard to believe that life after a divorce continues, and besides, it can be happy. But it's true.

Survive the loss

Divorce for any reason is extremely stressful. It ranks second on the stress scale used by professional psychologists. And there are often cases when, after a divorce, a person finds himself in the deepest depression, from which he can only get out with the help of a psychotherapist.

They will tell you how to survive a divorce from your husband, advice from a psychologist who believes that this event should be treated like any other significant loss in your life - it must be correctly accepted. And, no matter how strange it may sound, we are all experiencing serious losses according to the same algorithm that psychologists have long since figured out.

Before returning to a fulfilling life, everyone goes through five main stages:

Negation. For a while, the brain simply refuses to understand that everything has already happened, and nothing can be fixed. That the marital relationship is completely over and it will not work to establish it. That you need to start a new life and let go of the past.
Anger. It often occurs during divorce, especially if you are not the initiator of it. And next to him, there is always a feeling of guilt for the fact that you were not able to maintain a relationship. And also - the envy that appears when you see happy families.
False hope. This is the most dangerous stage when it seems possible to bring everything back. Divorce looks like a terrible mistake, because there were so many good things in your life together!
Depression. It is a very dangerous state when you give up and you don't want anything - neither old nor new relationships. It is at this stage that problems with insomnia, overeating, alcohol, etc. usually begin.
Adoption. And only here recovery begins, and there is a real chance to start a new life from scratch. When you have completely come to terms with what has already happened, the body and soul are gradually restored, and the desire to change something and try new comes.

But there is a problem - many get stuck at one of the stages and do not move on. But understanding what is happening to you accelerates the experience of stress and brings the moment of acceptance closer. If you realize that you have been in the stages of false hope or depression for a long time and cannot get out of them on your own, be sure to contact a psychotherapist.

For many men, the problem of how to survive a divorce from their wife is aggravated by the fact that they are not ready to solve everyday issues that the spouse used to deal with. And the fact that children often stay with their mother, which means that the father's participation in their life becomes less significant.

Different situations

There are different situations with divorce. Since there are two parties involved in the process, there are several options for the development of events. Spouses can get a divorce by mutual consent - this is the fastest and most painless way. If only one side becomes the initiator of the separation, and the other does not agree with it, then the matter takes a serious turn, and the process may be delayed.

By mutual agreement

Dissolution of a marriage by mutual consent, provided that there are no small common children in the family, occurs quickly and without any special problems, according to a joint statement. But to divorce a family in which there are minor children, only a court can, even if the second spouse does not mind.

In this case, it is better to calmly agree on everything right away:

with whom the children will stay;
how often they will see their ex-spouse;
how much he is willing to give monthly for their maintenance;
whether children are allowed to travel abroad and under what conditions;
how shared housing and property will be shared.

Otherwise, in addition to the divorce, the court will also deal with the division of property and the case for the recovery of alimony. And this is extra nerves, time and money too. Staying with your ex in normal human relationships is the most appropriate tactic.

On my own initiative

When the initiator of the divorce survives, it is easier. Especially if the ex is an alcoholic, a house tyrant, or treason became the reason for the breakup. As a rule, it takes some time to make such a decision, and during this period you have time to come to terms with what is happening.

But if the other side was categorically against the official dissolution of the marriage, and the case was decided in court with mutual accusations and scandals, then a lot of stress still cannot be avoided.

In this case, after the divorce, it is better to take a time out:

go on vacation, change the environment;
send the children to their grandmother so as not to get irritated with them;
rearrange the furniture in order to update the apartment;
change your image to feel like a different person.

Most often, 1-2 weeks is enough to survive the loss and gain strength for physical and spiritual rebirth.

When the spouse leaves

How to survive a divorce from your husband, if you still love, and he left for another? It seems like a real tragedy, to cope with which is simply unrealistic! But everything passes, and this too will pass - says the ancient wisdom. The main thing is not to aggravate the problem by trying to return the irrevocably gone relationship.

In this case, it is advisable to stop all contacts with the ex-spouse at least temporarily. Everything is complicated if there is a common child. It is very undesirable to limit his relationship with his father immediately after the divorce, so as not to cause additional trauma. But their meetings can be arranged so that they have minimal overlap with their ex.

Under the same roof

Of course, the ideal option is when, immediately after the decision on a complete breakup is made, the spouses begin to live separately. They do not meet every day, they are less tempted to start a showdown again. Moreover, everything is already extremely clear - there is no conjugal connection. Whether it is worth staying friends, just acquaintances, or not intersecting at all is up to you.

But, alas, not everything is so simple. Many families do not have the opportunity to leave immediately, and very often a woman is forced to live with her ex-husband after a divorce for several months, or even years, until he or she resolves the housing issue. At first it is incredibly difficult mentally. But psychologists say that if you build relationships correctly, then it is quite possible to create quite comfortable conditions for both.

Here are some helpful tips that can help you in this difficult situation:

Agree that the concept of "we" no longer exists, and now you are not a family, but two people you know well, living under the same roof.
Establish dorm rules and a duty schedule: from now on, household chores such as cleaning common areas, taking out the trash, etc. will have to be done in turn.
Limit your personal space. At the very least, you should not enter each other's room unexpectedly and without an invitation.
Divide the budget and decide what amount will be sure to be allocated monthly for children.
Follow the rules of the hostel: do not make noise late, do not invite guests without the consent of the other party.
Do not forget that each of you now has the right to privacy. But it is better if it does not happen in front of the ex-spouse.

Things get very complicated if there are children in the family. When a divorced mother and father still live under the same roof, it is difficult for them to realize that the marriage has really fallen apart, and the family as such no longer exists.

By maintaining a warm, human relationship with your ex-spouse, you will give your children a sense of security and the understanding that they still have both loving parents.

How to live on

Everyone reacts differently to divorce. Some cope with the shock quickly enough. Others may survive for months or even years. But sooner or later the understanding comes that this stage of life has already been completed and it is time to start a new one.

The following advice from psychologists will help you recover faster:

Don't shut yourself up. It sounds corny, but you are not the first and you are not the last to go through a divorce. There is nothing shameful in this, it does not mean your inferiority or inability to build relationships. So stop hiding, go out and start communicating. You should not, of course, tell the first person you meet about your problems. But when answering the question about marital status, do not be complex. You are divorced. Everything. Point. But life goes on.
Chat with your friends. In such difficult life situations, real comrades appear. And fake ones too. Be prepared for this - not all of your mutual friends will accept your position. Even if the other side is wrong. She's just closer to them. There is nothing wrong with that either. Forgive and let go of those who are no longer with you. And thank those who stayed. And at the same time think about it - maybe it is worth expanding the circle of acquaintances and making new friends?
Change your image. Parting with your ex-spouse is never painless. A negative internal state is immediately reflected in the appearance. Fortunately, the inverse relationship also works. As soon as you change your image for the better, your eyes begin to shine, your shoulders straighten, and out of nowhere appears self-confidence and sexuality. Don't believe me? Then head to a good salon and check it out!
Find a hobby. Many people try to find an outlet after divorce in work and caring for children. But, plunging even deeper into the routine, you are unlikely to extract from it positive emotions that are absolutely necessary now. Another thing is a new hobby. Especially if this is something that you always wanted to try, but never decided due to lack of time, money or for another reason. Now is the time!
Be careful with alcohol. The fact that alcohol (and even more so drugs) help relieve stress and overcome stress is nothing more than a myth. Yes, it dulls pain and creates the illusion of emotional uplift, but the problems themselves do not go away. And you still have to solve them - tomorrow or in a week. Only in the morning will they add a headache, symptoms of general intoxication and a sense of guilt. Is it worth further complicating the situation?
Live your emotions. Doctors say that suppressed emotions cause the development of such serious diseases as hypertension, cancer, stroke, heart attack, not to mention psychosomatics. Therefore, you want to scream - scream, you want to cry - cry, you want to tell your ex everything you think of him - go ahead. But alone. Or next to a reliable friend (girlfriend). Then exhale, take a shower, and start life anew.
Control your appetite. A large percentage of overweight women took it after their divorce. Sweets and delicious food really help to overcome stress, as they provoke the release of the pleasure hormones endorphins. But it's one thing to pamper yourself with a tasty treat a couple of times a week, and it's another thing to eat up stress every night (suffering on the couch). By the way, pleasure hormones are produced while jogging. So, maybe it's worth getting them from another source?
New relationship. This is not at all the case when "they knock out a wedge by a wedge". Even if the former spouse has left for another, it is not worth it to spite him to start a new relationship. Until you fully recover from your old ones, you will project your grievances onto all new partners and end up with just another batch of disappointments. A new relationship should be started from scratch. And not before you get rid of the accumulated claims and prevailing stereotypes.

Meditation and breathing techniques, which can be learned in yoga classes, are excellent ways to get rid of negative emotions. If you cannot cope with them on your own, you should seek help from a psychologist or a support group, where people with the same problems as yours meet. As a last resort, share your experiences on the forum and find out how others are coping with the same problems.

Of course, divorce is difficult. But you can cope with it. And the sooner you begin conscious actions to restore your own mental balance and lifestyle correction, the better. Parting is always followed by new meetings. Life goes on, and how ready you are to turn the old page depends only on you.

Parting with a loved one is always very difficult. In marriage, we grind to our spouses, make compromises and make great efforts to maintain peace and tranquility. It so happens that despite all the attempts to save the marriage, it still falls apart, and nothing can be done about it.

How to survive a divorce from your wife if you still love her? Are there any secrets on how to get over it painlessly? How to behave in a new relationship, is it worth starting them immediately after a divorce, or is it better to be alone?

How can a man survive a divorce?

Psychologists believe that men and women experience parting with their partners differently. This is due to the natural characteristics of the psyche of both sexes. It was revealed that men experience more severe emotional pain, although they do not externally show this.

The worst solution is to try to drown your grief in a bottle. The problem will not be solved from this, but it is quite possible to acquire also dependence on alcohol. The relief that drunkenness gives is an illusion that melts after sobering up, and the pain returns with the same force. Visit a psychologist's consultation, he will be able to suggest effective ways that will help overcome a difficult condition and make you focus on the future.

If you still love, but your wife is the initiator of parting

Think about what exactly prompted your ex-spouse to break up. Most likely, the claims were expressed many times, because women are characterized by emotional threats: "I'm getting divorced!" and demonstrative cares for mom. Remember what did not suit your wife in family life. It is possible that there is at least a small chance of restoration of relations if you manage to sit down at the negotiating table and openly discuss the situation.

Talk to your beloved woman, try to take her place, without accusations, irritation and threats. Do not make promises to improve, do not load up with gifts, but find out the real reason for her departure. When you understand why she breaks off relations with you, try to correct your behavior, show yourself in a different light.

If she lacked attention and love, give her care and affection, make compliments, find options for joint relaxation. In case of domestic complaints, overcome your laziness and show that you can be both an economic and a reliable companion in life. If you used to spend a lot of time in noisy companies until the morning, then leave your habit in the past, show your wife the seriousness of your intentions to save the marriage.

Just do not forget that your correct behavior should not be a staging until your spouse returns to you, but a deliberate change, serious work on yourself. Behave in this way in the future, otherwise the situation will repeat itself, which will only be unnecessary stress for both of you.

If there is a common child

If the family has children, then divorce becomes a drama not only for parents, but also for children. The father has to make a huge effort so that there is no gulf between him and his offspring. This happens very often, and subsequently men forget about their children, and they do not forgive their childish offense. If you divorced their mother, this is not a reason to destroy the relationship with the children.

After the parents divorce, children often develop health problems - from those whose cause lies on the surface (stuttering, sleep disturbances, nervous breakdowns, vegetative-vascular dystonia), to more serious disorders that can significantly harm the child. Keep negative consequences to a minimum. Explain to your son or daughter that despite the fact that dad will live separately, he will participate in their life, help when necessary.

Do your best to maintain a friendly relationship with the woman. When spouses part as enemies, the father is often prevented from seeing the children and spending time with them. Communicate with your wife calmly, without irritation, this behavior will save you nerves and will not injure the children.

Try not to distance yourself from your children, congratulate them on all the holidays, give gifts on the occasion. Attend school, daycare, meetings, and offer help around the house. If possible, invite your spouse to take walks with the children. It happens that a woman, seeing changes in her husband's behavior, his attention and care, reconsiders her decision to divorce.

After 20 years of marriage

Divorce is especially difficult after a long marriage. When 20 years of family life are behind, there are no plans for the future, and the age is not the same, it is extremely difficult to survive the gap. Men get used to it so much that there is a woman in the house that they simply cannot imagine how to live without her further.

In addition to the problem of loneliness, many men also experience domestic difficulties. During marriage, they do not attach much importance to such little things as cooking and cleaning. After the wife leaves, they begin to experience a lack of female hands, some cannot even decide what to wear to work today, and are not able to cook a simple dish. Most husbands do not assume before divorce that the wife took on such a number of household chores.

A man has no one to turn to for advice in everyday matters, get support or just talk after a hard day at work. Then he is consumed by an acute feeling of loneliness, from which there is no escape. After spending all day with colleagues or friends, he returns to an empty apartment, where no one is waiting for him.

From this point of view, it is easier for a woman to survive a breakup, because she has children who take a lot of time and do not let her become limp and suffer. A lot of household chores and children's fun await at home.

Psychologists in this difficult life situation give men the following advice:

Remove everything that reminds of a loved one, all photos. Put her things, which are still left, separately and give to your ex-wife. It is good to make repairs at home, or at least rearrange the furniture, change the curtains. The renewed environment will not remind you of what happened every day.
Be sure to plan your future life. The lack of a clear plan of action, of views for the future leads to a dead end, deprives one of the desire to live on. Consider what you would like to achieve in the short term. Let the goals relate to promotion at work or the development of your hobby.
Try a great exercise that will help you adequately assess what is happening to you. Take a piece of paper and line it in two. Write down the pros of parting on the one hand, and the cons on the other. Concentrate on the pros. Hang the list in a prominent place and periodically adjust it, add new items. You will soon realize that there are not so few advantages in this situation.

Men cry, and that's okay!

Feel free to give free rein to your feelings. Many men cannot cry even when alone with themselves, so strong are the stereotypes of our society. Women endure stress more easily precisely because they can cry and get rid of negative experiences. Men should learn this feminine technique, it really helps to effectively deal with life's troubles.

Locking in oneself threatens not only depressive conditions, but also health problems. Men are more likely to suffer from heart disease and strokes because they keep their bad experiences to themselves.

Give yourself some slack and cry at least once or twice. Go alone to nature, to a deserted place and shout out - "shout out" all the pain and suffering from yourself. You will feel that it has become much easier.

Chat with family and friends

When a man breaks off a long relationship, a desire arises to withdraw into himself, to isolate himself from the outside world. This cannot be done, solitude will only increase the depressive state.

A person in a difficult situation really needs an understanding interlocutor. It's great if you have a friend or friend with whom you can talk about your emotions frankly and not hold back the pain. Speak openly, do not accumulate negativity inside.

Chat with people, not necessarily close ones, about different topics. Avoid loneliness, try to be in a circle of people you like.

If there is no loved one who is able to listen to you without interrupting or denying your feelings, go to a psychologist. When you can open your soul to someone, you will feel a huge relief, freeing from the weight of negative emotions. In addition, a specialist will tell you how to get out of this situation in the best way.

Find your favorite activity

After your wife left, you have a lot of free time and energy. It is necessary to channel them into a peaceful and effective channel. Concentrate all your efforts on finding a new hobby or do something that you have always enjoyed very much. Take all of your work hours and weekends into a truly fun experience.

My wife did not let go fishing before - buy new tackle, a tent and go! Maybe you've dreamed of an ATV or skydiving? Now is the time to fulfill your desires. Get the most of positive emotions from interesting things, connect your friends to this. Take an active life position.

Start a new relationship when you're ready for it.

Do not rush into making new love relationships. Painful experiences immediately after a divorce will not allow you to build good trusting relationships.

Short-term relationships often arise from a desire to annoy your ex-wife. They do not last long and do not bring relief. On the contrary, having learned about your adventures, the wife, if she thinks about family reunification, is now unlikely to give you a second chance.

According to studies, even after a long time, about 80% of men involuntarily compare their new companion with their ex-wife against the first. The wife, in his views, becomes an ideal, to which no one can approach.

It is worth starting a new relationship only when the pain of loss has passed, and peace of mind is restored. When you can relive in your soul a break with your old family, you will have the strength to build new relationships.

It never occurred to you that in the words of the heroine Inna Churikova, who once lamented in an old, still Soviet film, what kind of meanness is a woman called abandoned after a divorce, and a man free ?! - is there a bitter truth ... for men? As if they are denied to show feelings after breaking up with a loved one. A stereotype is firmly driven into our heads: to worry and cry into a pillow is the lot of the fair sex. A guy only needs to get drunk a couple of times with his friends, and he's done. Cheerful and fresh, like a young cucumber! And only those who themselves went through a divorce from their wife and survived it, know how it feels.

Who is to blame and what to do?

Sad situation: at least 50% of weddings today end in divorce

People can have many reasons for parting. But it never happens, except in rare cases, that all the blame for the divorce lies with only one of the spouses. This is in case you are now wondering what was wrong, and why the faithful preferred freedom to life next to you. If you are able to assess your actions impartially, surely remember more than a dozen bells that warned of an impending disaster.

Has your wife complained about your lack of attention?
The complete lack of romance in the gray everyday life?
The rubble of homework that never ends?
Have you pampered her with compliments, praise, small gifts like a bouquet of wildflowers or a heart-shaped chocolate bar?
Did they listen to her requests not to lay out picturesque monograms of socks around the house, not to smoke in the kitchen, not to spank in street shoes around the apartment?
How often did you leave your beloved sulking alone in an empty apartment, devoting the weekend to fishing, football and other activities so dear to a man's heart?

If all this took place, and was safely ignored by you, you did not catch your bells. We are not saying this so that you realize your guilt before your ex-wife, sprinkle ashes on your head and leave for the desert, but to clarify: before it collapses, the marriage cracks and staggers for some time. If the husband and wife are attentive enough to each other, they hear this crack and take action in time. If not, then together they saw the branch on which they were going to build their family nest and raise offspring. Therefore, it will not hurt to analyze the situation and understand what is your fault and where is your wife's fault. This will allow you to avoid mistakes in the future, when passions subside, and you are ready for a new relationship. If you put all the blame for what happened on your spouse, the next time you step on the same rake again. Contrary to the horror stories that are full of men's forums, couples "loving, caring, ideal husband" and "stupid, greedy, selfish bitch-wife" practically never occur in life.

But this is later. And now, while the cats are scratching their souls, you have one task: to survive the divorce as easily and painlessly as possible.

Who said that men don't suffer after parting ?!

Anyone who thinks that the stronger sex leaves a relationship at worst with slightly frayed nerves knows nothing about him. The man's soul is sometimes shaken by such cataclysms that the pain from them can be felt physically. Women are more fortunate in this regard: increased emotionality is their curse, but also their outlet. A divorced wife can sob, roll on the floor in hysterics, pull out her hair, and no one will blame her for this, because the poor thing is so bad! A husband who drops a meager tear into a glass of vodka will only receive a friend's clap on the shoulder and advice not to sag. The trouble is that boys have been taught since childhood: men don't cry. And then we get whole crowds of people who don't know how to express their emotions. Which, by the way, is extremely harmful not only for mental well-being, but also for physical health. It is not for nothing that sensitive ladies, according to statistics, live a couple of decades longer than restrained men! Error: withdraw into oneself, be silent and try to cope with the pain alone. This behavior is fraught with a nervous breakdown and deep depression. Good idea: find a way to express emotions. There is a need to cry - cry. Once or twice it is not forbidden even for brutal men. I want to scream - go out into nature, away from prying ears, and yell until your throat hurts. If you want to blow off some steam, buy a punching bag and pound it until it feels better. It is best to do this not alone, but in the company of a friend who will listen to you, understand and support you, without issuing stamped slogans from the series “You’re a man” and “Pull yourself together, rag”. This is not what you need now. If you have absolutely no one to talk to, sign up for a session with a psychologist. First, you can be completely honest with him, because talking to a stranger is always easier than talking to someone you know well. Secondly, get good advice, which is already a lot.
You can tell a specialist about your problems without fear of condemnation.

What is the surest way to fill grief men have used since time immemorial? That's right, alcohol. True, for his consultation this "psychologist" in a bottle makes you pay with a headache and a hangover, and sometimes - increased aggression, memory lapses and suicidal thoughts. Error: embark on a pilgrimage to nearby clubs and pubs in search of peace of mind. Sooner or later, you will find yourself violently knocking out your ex-wife's door or you will find yourself in a worse situation. Good idea: find yourself a useful activity. Hobbies, travel and meeting with friends will help to distract, without risking to personally meet with the well-known "squirrel", provided that they do not roll into banal booze. It is even more desirable to set a specific goal for yourself, the achievement of which will require serious efforts, and systematically move towards it. For example, move up to the next career step within six months. Or turn your cluttered garage into a showcase garage in a couple of weeks. Or ... Think for yourself what you have been planning to do for a long time, but have not gathered.

Try to find an activity that does not require privacy. Most likely, now you do not want to meet with anyone at all, but you will have to make an effort on yourself. Avoid loneliness, in peace and quiet, the temptation is too great to bump into memories and self-reflection again.

Some men, after a divorce, take the pose “I didn't really need you” and set off in search of their next girlfriend. Early! It is extremely difficult to establish a successful relationship before the old ones finally recede into the past. You will inevitably begin to compare the new woman with the previous one and either find non-existent flaws in her - if you still love your wife - or idealize her if it is not good to part with your wife. In any case, the hasty romance will not end with anything but a new break. Unless you're very lucky. Error: start a relationship in defiance of his wife. Spoil the life of yourself and your new passion, which in this situation will become an innocent victim of your showdown with your ex. Good idea: for a while, limit contacts with women, except for purely friendly and business. You don't need to hit celibacy, but taking some respite will definitely not hurt.
Give yourself time to let your emotions cool down and your soul to calm down.
There are husbands who simply deny the fact that everything is over between him and his wife. Even an official notice of divorce does not force them to come to terms with reality, because such a man is sure that if he exerts some strength, the wife will change her mind.

Error: continue to haunt the former half, give her gifts, throw messages of love, involve his wife's parents and friends in the case and watch her at the entrance.

Good idea: admit that your family boat has crashed against the rocks with a crash, let your spouse go in peace and set off under a new sail towards your future happiness.

To make it easier for yourself, remove from the house all the things left by your wife, as well as your general photographs and small souvenirs: magnets from joint trips, personalized key rings, mugs. Clear your home of memories, otherwise your separation will be long and painful.
If a woman initiates a divorce, male pride gets a tangible injection. Downright scar! I just want to remind the "traitor" of all the shoals she has done in her family life, to hurt with a poisonous word, to do nasty things ...

Error: go to an open conflict with the ex-wife, rinse the wife's name at all intersections and accuse her of the seven deadly sins.

Good idea: Try to maintain the best possible relationship with the woman you once fell in love with. Who knows how life will turn out? Perhaps someday one of you will do the other a serious service! If the lady herself is trying to make a scandal, keep aloof and cool. Respect yourself.

Bonus: a little psychological trick to get out of the gloom as soon as possible. Take a sheet of paper and write in detail on it all the advantages of your single existence, and then put the sheet in a prominent place. In the following days, do not forget to re-read and supplement your list from time to time until the pluses in your subconscious mind outweigh the minuses of divorce.

Have you heard a fairy tale about a prince who lived happily ever after, fished for pleasure, drank beer in liters, laid out socks and bulls where he wanted, talked freely with friends, recklessly started romances - and all thanks to the princess who turned him down on time? As they say, the tale is a lie, but in it ... well, you know.

Maybe you gained more from the divorce than you lost?

Additional difficulties

If the separation of a young couple, not burdened by children, mortgages and other circumstances that complicate divorce is a difficult period in life in itself, then it is doubly difficult to run away, having all this in the anamnesis.

If you have common children

A wife, even a dearly beloved one, can eventually be forgotten, deleted from life and learn to perceive her as a stranger. But the children will remain yours forever. Do you want your child to become a half orphan with a living father? Don't let things take their course.

Resolve your financial issues as soon as possible. If you break up with your spouse with a scandal, you will be tempted to do everything to leave your ex with a nose. But before succumbing to the temptation, remember that in this case you will deprive your child of some material wealth, who in most cases remains with the mother. So cool down, honestly estimate the amount of financial assistance that you will be able to provide to your child - once again, the child, not the wife! - consult a lawyer and go to the world. Whatever bitterness and pain you feel towards your spouse, they do not exempt you from responsibility to your children.
Determine immediately where, when and how you will see your child. With a more or less peaceful parting, the solution of this issue does not require serious efforts - no reasonable woman will deprive her children of the opportunity to see their father. Alas, divorce and division of property extremely rarely force people to show their best qualities: it is no secret how often offended wives try to use their child to blackmail and manipulate their ex-husband. Here you can only be advised to arm yourself with patience, enlist the support of a good lawyer and strive to respect your paternal rights. Better in the world, and if the spouse takes a bite at the bit, then through the court.
When meeting with children, do not tell them bad things about your mother, even if you know that she often makes harsh statements about you. First of all, it will be bad for your child. Try to convey to the child: dad will now have to live separately, but he will always love you and take care of you. And if at the same time the father does not disappear in an unknown direction, but, on the contrary, will constantly find an opportunity for communication and show his love, over time the child himself will draw the necessary conclusions.

Don't let divorce separate you from your children

If the ex-wife remarries

To accept the loss of a beloved woman is one thing, but to watch her march to the altar with her new chosen one just a few weeks after the divorce is quite another. Usually, by this time, the wounds inflicted by parting have not yet had time to heal. You continue to subconsciously consider your wife, who has flown away from the family nest, as your own, are interested in the details of her personal life, and maybe even cherish the dream of reunion. And then such a blow!

Do whatever it takes to break the bonds that bind you. Don't try to figure out what's going on on the ex-girlfriend's personal front - it doesn't concern you anymore. Do not ask mutual friends yourself and decisively cut off gossipers who are always ready to convey to your husband fresh information about the adventures of his ex-half. The short "I'm not interested in this" is enough to discourage the talkers from enlightening you.
Change your surroundings. Moreover, a trip to a resort or the village will not help you: a person lying in the sun and picking mushrooms in the forest has too much free time to think. But rafting down the river in kayaks or vigorous climbing into the mountains with a backpack on your shoulders, where during the day you will be every minute busy overcoming large and small obstacles, and in the evening you will fall asleep with a dead sleep - that's what you need!
Communicate more. But only in companies where alcohol will not be at the forefront. Play paintball? Wonderful! Help a friend renovate his apartment? Going! Build with friends an aircraft that you will proudly dive into the water with at the next Red Bull competition to the applause and hooting of the enthusiastic audience? Give two! Find a way to keep yourself occupied, and very soon you will begin to notice that the image of your ex is leaving your sphere of interest.

Loyal friends and an interesting activity are the surest remedy for blues

If your wife has a new man even before the divorce, that is, you have become a victim of a banal betrayal, the main task is not to become embittered by the entire female sex at once. Man is a social being. Very few of us are able to live alone and feel great about it; most require a partner to live well. And even if now you are definitely not up to a relationship, over time the situation will surely change. In order not to complicate your future searches with a prejudiced attitude towards all women in the world, complete the story of betrayal right now: forgive your wife. Not in the sense of “forgiving and accepting back” - since the divorce has already occurred, from this side you, apparently, decided everything for yourself. Just do whatever it takes to get rid of negative feelings about your ex. The recipe is the same: loyal friends, activity and time. By the way, communication with representatives of the opposite sex, whom you do not regard as sexual partners, helps a lot. Surely there are some in your company?

If you are already old

Changing your lifestyle radically when you're in your 50s is both scary and difficult. By this age, children have already grown up and live separately from their parents, a career does not entail sky-high heights, but there is an established way of life, traditions and habits, the breaking of which causes serious discomfort.

Take a different look at the situation. Since it came to a divorce at your age, it means that your wife did not succeed in establishing warm, trusting relationships in the family. Perhaps the marriage was based on children. Perhaps out of fear of change. But be that as it may, but now this thin thread has broken and you found that nothing binds you. So rejoice at the opportunity to take a break from each other! Let your wife go and let her and yourself enjoy life separately. Fortunately, now you do not need to provide for disabled children and put all your efforts into caring for the future! Choose a new goal in accordance with your interests and start implementing it. Do what you want; build your life the way you want; plan the future with an eye only on your wishes. What if this is your chance to find your true happiness?

For a husband who relied entirely on his wife in everyday matters, the need to cook for himself, as well as wash, clean, go shopping and pay utility bills will be a serious challenge. We'll have to master these tricky sciences. But you will have less time for self-pity and more reasons for self-esteem. Dealing with the washing machine and learning how to cook pork in a pot after 50 is a major achievement.

Even at an advanced age, divorce does not mean the end of life.

How to survive a divorce from your beloved wife: reviews of men

I went through a divorce last year. Or rather, I haven’t survived yet. I still remember it several times a day. Here's what I understood ... Booze does not help at all, on the contrary, it spoils everything. Sport helps incredibly. Positive emotions help. Traveling helps, but not alone. The proverb "It is better to do and regret than not to do and regret that you did not do it" helps.

withheld

I'd start going to the gym. Set yourself a goal, for example, bench press 180, and hammer-hammer-hammer the pieces of iron until they submit.

TurboMartin http://www.sti-club.su/showthread.php?t=104862

My advice: all the things that bind you, down to the smallest details, shower gels, candles there ... throw everything away or hide it far and for a long time. Yes, and try not to be idle and alone for a long time ... Girlfriends still save a lot, not in terms of sex - this is, of course, a personal matter for everyone. I'm not really a supporter of this, it's just that communication with the opposite sex is very distracting.

Zlo-Kli http://www.sti-club.su/showthread.php?t=104862

Time cures. I also went through this, it was hard. I went headlong into work, it helped.

It will hurt for a long time, but if you learn to use this pain correctly, you will still be grateful to fate for everything that happened. The behavior of people who cruelly betray, use those who love them, for me, for example, is inexplicable, and I do not want to understand this. But I learned to forgive. And forget ... Be patient, look for strength in faith, in family and friends. Everything will definitely work out.

Alexey 101 http://www.nelubit.ru/viewtopic.php?t=8700

Video: How to survive separation like a man

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDoYyX5fCA0

Divorce is not in vain compared to amputation. Even if you yourself have recently realized that your relationship with your wife leaves much to be desired, the final breakup causes suffering comparable to the pain of losing a body part. But you need to be clearly aware: one day it will weaken. The pain of betrayal will subside, the wounds at the rupture site will heal, life will enter a calm channel. And then a place will appear in it for another person - the one with whom you will have a chance to build your true happy future. All that is required of you now is to wait, hope and not give up.

Author of the text: Svetlana Rozhenko, consultant psychologist