How to learn to communicate with people? We comprehend the art of effective communication. The rules of the psychology of communication: for whom it is important

With the advent of humanity, there was a huge need for communication. Even in ancient times, without him, it was impossible to warn a fellow tribesman, express his sympathy for a woman, teach children to survive and hunt, passing on their knowledge and skills to them. Today we have a clear system of symbols through which we can say absolutely everything that we think. But even in modern society, some people experience communication difficulties and do not always know how to overcome them.

Peculiarities

From the very birth we begin to learn the language, which we subsequently speak our whole life. However, the ability to pronounce sounds in the correct sequence does not mean that we have the art of communication, it can be compared to onomatopoeia. A person speaks when there is meaning in his words, when they are used with some meaning in a specific situation.

As a person grows up, they have to communicate more and more. His successful socialization in kindergarten, the ability to "take root" in school, the degree of success at the university and at work depend on this. When communicating with peers, it is important to try to become an interesting interlocutor for them, to be able to attract attention to yourself. Adults should see you as a worthy opponent, a person with whom it is pleasant to deal.

But being interesting enough for everyone is difficult, and for some this goal may be almost unattainable. There are several factors that prevent people from communicating fully:

Personal complexes and self-doubt. In this case, a person simply does not believe that someone can be interested in a conversation, he does not dare to express his thoughts and ideas.
The opposite phenomenon is heightened self-esteem. Such people put themselves above others. Others do not understand them and do not seek to make contact with them.
Active use of social networks. Online communication can cause fear of real meetings, self-doubt.
Poor intellectual development. A small set of knowledge narrows the range of topics that a person can communicate, therefore it quickly becomes boring with him.

The role of communication

Communication has always played an important role in a person's life. As soon as people learned to communicate with each other, it became important to be able to correctly build a dialogue, to please the one who likes, even verbally punish the offender. There are so many different factors in a person's life that one needs to be able to control and subordinate to oneself, that without the skills of correct communication, nothing can work out. In addition, the consequences of not knowing how to communicate can even negatively affect your life.

Success in school or university is not only due to good looks. Most of the "popular" people know how to communicate, keeping attention on their personality. At work and in personal life, speech is also important.

At work, you may not be promoted, even if you deserve it simply because you are unable to successfully establish contacts and conduct business negotiations. In family life, you will also not be able to avoid problems if you do not learn to find a common language with your partner. If you do not have common topics of conversation, or you are unable to resolve controversial situations and find a compromise, the relationship can "crack."

All modern society is based on the ability to correctly structure speech and contact with others. Famous politicians, scientists and artists would not be so famous if they could not subdue the attention of a large number of people with one word.

Therefore, if you want to be successful and happy, it is important to learn to communicate with people, correct your speech deficiencies and improve in this area.

Ways to achieve efficiency

In modern society, the ability to conduct a conversation correctly is an important aspect. In the process of communication, the interlocutors perceive each other, exchange information, personal and business interaction, and search for solutions.

If you haven’t received oratory skills by nature, you should not “hang your nose” and give up. The ability to speak beautifully and achieve the desired results in a conversation can be learned independently. The main thing is to know what is required for this. For effective communication, it is important to break down the communication process into components and specifically work out each of them:

Gaining self-confidence is important. First of all, in order to learn how to communicate properly, you need to start to respect yourself. You must confidently express your thoughts, even if they are wrong, because your point of view has a right to exist. Your opponent will understand that you need to be reckoned with, that your judgments make sense, and you can listen to them.
Deal with your fear. Many insecure people are passive in dialogue. They are afraid to ask questions, be interested in something, express their opinion, so as not to bring down the indignation of others. They are afraid of judgmental looks, possible unpleasant comments in their address. Do not be afraid to conduct the conversation in a way that suits you, ask about everything that interests you.

Treat the other person with respect and tact... Do not interrupt the speaker, give him the opportunity to fully express himself, even if you disagree with his arguments. Then calmly express your opinion.
Try not to be distracted by extraneous topics... The ability to express your thoughts beautifully and competently, while speaking to the point, will allow you to quickly earn respect in society.
You must be able to inspire the confidence of the interlocutor... To achieve this goal, you need very little - just look your partner in the eyes. Through eye contact, communication can be made easily. If a person lowers or hides his gaze, his behavior is not always perceived as a sign of shyness. More often this is regarded as insincerity or even a lie. This conversation will not do you any good.

It is important to show genuine interest in the other person. During a conversation with an unfamiliar person, you need to give him the opportunity to tell about himself, express his thoughts. Don't talk too much. A monologue can quickly tire a person, and he is unlikely to want to talk to you again. You need to make the person feel at ease in your company. The interest in the conversation should be mutual. Remember to use your opponent's name. This nuance will also show your interest in it.
It is also important to be able to ask the right questions. This is especially necessary if you are just getting to know a person and want to learn more about him. The art of correctly posing questions makes it possible to receive full-fledged detailed answers instead of a restrained "yes" or "no". So you can make the conversation easy and interesting, allowing the interlocutor to feel confident and free in your company.
Use of knowledge and erudition- an equally important point. It is easier for a person with a large store of knowledge to start and maintain any conversation. Communication with such people brings a lot of positive emotions to all interlocutors.

How to be interesting?

If you want to take an active part in discussions, and sometimes even become the initiator of a conversation, it is important to be able to win over people, to be interesting to those around you. A correctly chosen topic is already half the battle. If you prepare in advance for the conversation, read as much information as possible on this issue, then you will be well-versed in it and you will always find something to say. It is only important to give out information in portions and at the right moments, otherwise the communication will be similar to a report.

To make the topic of conversation interesting and convenient for everyone, it is important to clarify whether someone objects to this conversation, and only then start an active discussion. The reluctance of someone from the group to communicate may show his weak knowledge in this matter or a great lack of self-confidence. If the person does not protest, but does not take part in communication, you need to involve him in the conversation, ask his opinion. Gradually, the person will gain confidence and become a participant in the conversation.

Do not be afraid to communicate with people of different professions, interests, social status. Over time, you will learn to adapt to any conversation and correctly "present" yourself in society.

Team communication

In order for communication in a team to be pleasant and easy, it is important to take into account only two main factors. The most important thing is to find an individual approach to each member of a team or a specific conversation. If you communicate with people new to yourself, try to share common phrases with each participant in the conversation in order to form an opinion about him, determine the type of his temperament, and learn about character traits.

Being engaged in building correct communication in a team, it is important to communicate with everyone at their level (except for people of higher rank). All team members should feel needed and respected. Only then will the communication process be pleasant and successful.

The second point is the ability to listen. We have been able to speak since childhood, but the art of being attentive to the interlocutor is much more important. This is necessary in order for the conversation to be interesting, informative and enjoyable for all its participants. Don't interrupt the narrator. This will give you the impression of an uncultured person. In addition, your intervention can throw the speaker out of thought. Respect everyone in the conversation, and you will be treated the same way.

Dialogue with the opposite sex

Getting to know someone of the opposite sex requires special skills. Even with self-confidence and positive communication experiences with your peers, it can be difficult to get started with a member of the opposite sex. To make the acquaintance pleasant for both parties, it is important to adhere to some tips:

Be natural. Don't try to joke around all the time or be overly serious. If you want to make a good impression, be yourself. It is sincerity that will help attract attention to you, and then conquer your future soul mate. This is the only way you can make communication lively and exciting.
When starting a conversation, follow not only the vocabulary, but also the correctness of humor and the topics raised in the conversation. Inappropriate jokes and overly personal questions can not only not interest a person, but even alienate him.
When you first meet, keep your distance, respect your personal space. You should not hug a representative of the opposite sex without his consent. At the beginning of interaction, it is better to focus on building a dialogue.
At the first contact, it is important to look the other person in the eyes often and smile sincerely. This will show your openness, interest and sympathy for the person. This is the only way you will have a pleasant conversation that can develop into something more in the future.

The process of communication with different people

In the process of daily communication, we encounter a huge number of people. Different characters, upbringing, social status, age and many other nuances affect the process of communication with each specific person. You need to learn to apply an individual approach to different interlocutors, otherwise you may find yourself in an unpleasant situation.

Each person is a unique personality, and this must be reckoned with. If you disagree with someone, do not immediately criticize him. Calmly express your point of view and try to find a compromise.

If the phrases or jokes of the interlocutor annoy you, it is better to transfer the communication to another channel, so you can avoid conflict. If you begin to openly comment, you can provoke a scandal.

When dealing with some people, you should not discuss others. First, your words may sooner or later "reach" the object of your conversation. Secondly, the reputation of a person who discusses and criticizes everyone will not bring you popularity. On the contrary, you will alienate people from you. Few would want to communicate openly with such an unpleasant person.

Human life is impossible without communication. However, not all people know how to use speech correctly and fully. Sometimes not only direct contact is very difficult, but also significant discomfort is caused by talking on the phone or skype. The reasons may be psychological problems or simply an inability to express thoughts or maintain a conversation. If the first is difficult to fix, and sometimes impossible without the help of an experienced psychologist, then many books have been written about how to learn to speak competently, various trainings and special exercises have been invented.

How to learn to speak competently and beautifully?

In order to independently learn how to express your thoughts in Russian beautifully and smoothly, you need to train hard until the correct speech becomes a habit. The impetus for this should be the conviction that speech is a powerful weapon of the speaker. Sometimes it can become a means of manipulation, influence on the interlocutor.

Read and retell

The more you read, the easier it is for you to talk. This is an undeniable rule that must be followed, if you want to gain the ability to easily talk on any topic. The minimum time you need to set aside for reading is 20 minutes a day. In this case, the emphasis should be placed on Russian classical literature. Of course, speech turns of two centuries ago will not come in handy, but sometimes it is quite appropriate to show off some quotes from the classics. It is also a great opportunity to diversify and enrich your vocabulary.

Retelling what you read will help you quickly learn to express your thoughts correctly. You can reproduce not classical works, but, for example, share news from magazines or information gleaned from articles with households. The key to enterprise success lies in the ability to criticize yourself, spot mistakes and correct them.

Useful word games

If you are thinking about how to learn how to talk with people, then funny and interesting games will help you, the meaning of which is to compose phrases, stories, and the choice of words. One such exercise is called Delirium. Your task is to describe or talk about some simple household item for about 10-15 minutes. For example, try quickly and without pauses to build the most coherent story about a chair or kettle. This may seem difficult, but it will allow you to develop speech from the content side so that the communication process is easy and relaxed.

Imitation

Mimicking TV announcers and presenters is a very important exercise in developing correct speech. In this case, one should not only try to repeat intonation, but also pay attention to gestures. The perception of a person by a person during communication largely depends not only on words, but also on behavior. Can you imagine an announcer tapping his fingers on the table or fiddling with a button on his jacket while reading the news? You shouldn't do that either.

At the same time, it is very important to watch programs about politics, art and even humorous ones. The presence of awkward pauses spoils the impression of a conversation with a person, so you need to learn how to fill them with meaningful, interesting messages.

In addition, by using mimicry, you need to learn to:

How to learn to talk to people: master the basic rules of literate and cultural speech for pleasant, confident and productive communication in all spheres of life

How to overcome psychological problems in communication?

Sometimes communication with people can be complicated by psychological problems. In this case, it is early to start training, although it will be useful, it will not lead to the expected quick results.

In childhood, any person experiences different situations that are imprinted in memory and affect the formation of personality. Some of them can be intimidating. If one of these cases happened during communication, then this can become a serious problem in the future.

At the same time, introverts should be singled out in a special group, who simply do not need interlocutors and deliberately choose loneliness.

The psychology of communication with people is very complex and depends on many external circumstances and the characters of the interlocutors. However, it is not difficult to see that a person has a psychological problem:

voice trembles;
the tone of the voice changes;
there is a rapid heartbeat;
the conversation is accompanied by fussy hand movements;
the complexion changes (turns pale or reddens).

Do not think that such problems are experienced only by quiet, shy individuals. In fact, when meeting arrogant people who communicate aggressively, interrupting the interlocutor, we can most likely assume that they have certain difficulties in communication. Most likely, this style of conversation helps them overcome problems, but also requires correction.

When you notice that you want to communicate with people, but it is very difficult to do this, you need to stop and realize the problem. Most likely, you will have to work long and hard to overcome shyness, fear, learn to get rid of deep feelings, let go of past problems and live in the present.

A psychologist or psychotherapist can greatly facilitate your path to easy communication, beautiful and competent speech. You will be asked to make contact plans for the day (for example, to meet a new person), to improve the skill of mediated dialogue (by phone), etc. As a result, you will be able to communicate easily and be an interesting interlocutor.

It sounds very simple: say what you mean.
But too often, despite our best intentions, the true meaning of what is said is lost to our interlocutor. We say one thing and the other person hears something else, resulting in misunderstandings, frustration, and conflict.

By, you can learn to communicate with people and express your thoughts more clearly and clearly for the perception of their interlocutor. Whether you're trying to communicate with your spouse, kids, boss, or coworkers, you can improve communication skills that can dramatically improve rapport with others, build trust and respect, and feel heard and understood.

For success in life, the ability to communicate with people is much more important than having talent.
John Lubbock

What is effective communication?

Communication is more than just sharing information. It is about understanding what kind of emotional message and meaning lies in this information. Effective communication is also a two-way interaction. It is important not only how you convey the message in such a way that it is received and understood with the meaning that you put into it, but also how you listen to fully understand the meaning of what was said and make the other person feel heard and understood. ...

Effective communication combines more than just words used in conversation - it is a whole set of skills, including non-verbal communication, the ability to listen carefully, control yourself, communicate with self-confidence, and the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of oneself and that of the person with who are you communicating with.

Effective communication is the glue that can help you deepen your connections with others and improve teamwork, normalizing collaborative decision-making and problem-solving. It even allows you to send negative or unpleasant messages without creating conflict or destroying trust.

Despite the fact that effective ways of communicating with people can be learned, nevertheless, their spontaneous acquisition from life experience is more effective, and not in the process of acting according to templates. A sight-read speech, for example, rarely has the same effect as a speech delivered spontaneously, or at least appears to be so. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop these skills and become an effective communicator. The more you put in the effort and practice, the more instinctive and relaxed your communication skills will become.

It is easiest for me to communicate with ten thousand people. The hardest thing is with one.
Joan Baez

What you can do to learn how to conduct a conversation with a person correctly:

Take your time - take the time to socialize yourself.
Agree that it's okay to disagree with something.
Make sure you don't hold your breath.
Listen before you say anything, even if you disagree with what you are hearing.
Take time out when you're already overly stressed.

Barriers to Effective Interpersonal Communication

Stress and out of control emotion

When you get nervous or unable to cope with emotions, you are likely to misperceive other people, send unintelligible or intimidating non-verbal signals, and start acting like an unbalanced, mentally ill person. Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation.

Lack of attention

You cannot communicate effectively when you are multitasking. If you are daydreaming, checking text messages, or thinking about something else while planning your next line, you will almost certainly miss non-verbal cues when speaking. You should always take your life experiences into account.

Illegal gestures and facial expressions

Non-verbal communication should reinforce verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something different, your listener will likely feel that you are being misled. For example, you cannot say yes while shaking your head in denial.

Negative facial expressions

If you disagree with what is being said or don't like it, you can use negative facial expressions and gestures to express disagreement with the other person's message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You do not have to agree or even approve of what is said, but at the same time communicate effectively without forcing the other person to become defensive; it is very important to avoid sending negative signals.

In communication, all our days pass, but the art of communication is the lot of a few ...
Mikhail Vasilievich Lomonosov

4 key skills to improve communication

Become an interested listener.
Pay attention to non-verbal cues.
Control yourself.
Be confident in yourself.

Skill 1: Become an Interested Listener

People often focus on what they have to say, but effective communication is about talking less and listening more. Listening well means understanding not only the words or the information heard, but also the emotions that the speaker is trying to express.

There is a big difference between when you listen carefully and when you just hear information. When you really listen, when you really understand what is being said, you will recognize subtle intonations in the speaker's voice that will tell you how the person is feeling and what emotions they are trying to convey when communicating. When you are an engaged listener, you will not only better understand the other person, you will make them feel heard and understood, and this can be the foundation for building closer and more reliable relationships between you.

By communicating in this way, you will also learn to calm down and maintain physical well-being and emotional balance. If the person you are talking to is calm, which is expressed, for example, in his attentive listening to your story, you can also become more balanced. Likewise, if the person is worried, you can help them calm down by listening carefully and making them feel understood.

If your goal is to fully understand the other person and their contact, you will naturally listen to them carefully. If not, try the following tips. The more you practice them, the more satisfying and rewarding your interactions with other people will become.

How do you become an interested listener?

Concentrate all your attention on the speaker, his or her body language, tone of voice, and other non-verbal cues from that person. The tone of your voice conveys emotion, so if you are thinking about something of your own, checking a text message, or scribbling on a piece of paper, you will almost certainly miss the non-verbal cues and emotional content of the words spoken. And if the person speaking is behaving in the same distraction, you can quickly notice it. If you find it difficult to focus on the narration of some of the speakers, try repeating their words in your mind to strengthen their message for you and help you stay focused.

Listen with your right ear. On the left side of the brain are the primary processing centers for speech and emotion recognition. Since the left hemisphere of the brain is responsible for the right side of the body, focusing on the right ear can help you better diagnose the emotional content of what the speaker is saying. Try to keep your posture straight, slightly lower your chin down, and turn your right ear towards the speaker - this will help to catch the high frequencies of human speech, which carry the emotional component of what is being said.

Don't interrupt the speaker or try to turn the conversation to your own problems by saying something like, "If you think this is bad, listen to what happened to me." Listening doesn't mean waiting in line to speak again. If you form in your head what you are about to say next, you cannot concentrate on what the other person is saying. Oftentimes, the speaker can read your facial expressions and understand that you are thinking about something else.

Show interest in what has been said. Nod in approval from time to time, smile at the other person, and make sure your posture is open and communicative. Encourage the speaker to continue the conversation with small verbal comments such as yes or uh-huh.

Any conversation becomes interesting if the listener gets carried away ...

Try not to be judgmental. In order to communicate effectively with someone, you do not have to sympathize with the interlocutors or agree with their ideas, values or opinions. However, in order to fully understand a person, you must avoid judging them and refrain from being rebuked and criticized. If you lead even the most difficult discussion correctly, you can establish contact with someone with whom it seemed very difficult and unlikely to find mutual understanding.

Give feedback. If the thread of the conversation is interrupted, reproduce what was said in other words. “That I hear this,” or “You seem to be talking,” are great ways to get the conversation back to the right place. Do not repeat verbatim what the speaker said, it will sound feigned and unintelligent. Instead, express, as you understand, the meaning of the words you heard. Ask questions to clarify some points: "What do you mean when you say ..." or "Is that what you mean?"

Recognize the emotional content of words by training your middle ear muscles

By increasing the muscle tone of the tiny muscles of the middle ear (they are the smallest in the human body), you will be able to recognize the higher frequencies of human speech that convey emotion, and better understand the true meaning of what others are saying. You can develop these tiny muscles by not only fully focusing on what someone is saying; They can be trained by singing, playing wind instruments, and listening to certain types of music (Mozart's high-frequency violin concertos and symphonies, for example, instead of low-frequency rock or rap).

Skill 2: Pay attention to non-verbal cues

When we talk about our concerns, we mostly use non-verbal cues. Non-verbal communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movement and gestures, eye contact, body posture, tone of voice, and even muscle tension and breathing. The way you look, how you listen, move, and react to another person tells other people more about your condition than what you say.

Developing your ability to understand and use non-verbal communication can help you communicate with others, express yourself clearly, handle difficult situations, and build better relationships at work and at home.

You can make communication even more effective by using open body language: do not cross your arms, stand with an open body position or squat on the edge of your seat, maintain eye contact with your interlocutor.
You can also use body language to emphasize or reinforce your spoken message, such as patting a friend on the back, congratulating them on success, for example, or banging your fists to emphasize your message.

Tips to help you better interpret non-verbal communication

Keep in mind that everyone has their own individual characteristics. People from different countries and cultures tend to use different non-verbal communication gestures, so it is very important to take into account the person's age, cultural background, religion, gender and emotional state when analyzing body language. An American teenager, a grieving widow, and an Asian businessman, for example, may use non-verbal cues in different ways.

Analyze non-verbal cues comprehensively. Don't look too much for a single gesture or non-verbal cue. Consider all non-verbal cues you receive, from eye contact to communication tone and body movement. Anyone can occasionally make a mistake and avert, for example, their eyes and let the eyes slip contact, for example, or cross their arms briefly without implying anything negative. To better understand a person's true thoughts, analyze their non-verbal signals comprehensively.

Use those non-verbal cues that reflect the essence of your words. Non-verbal communication should reinforce verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something different, your listener will likely feel that you are being misled. For example, you cannot say yes while shaking your head in denial.

Adjust your non-verbal cues based on the context and setting of the conversation. Your tone of voice, for example, should be different when addressing a child and when addressing a group of adults. Also, consider the emotional state and cultural background of the person you are communicating with.

Use your body language to express positive emotions, even if you don't actually feel them. If you’re nervous about a situation — an interview with an employer, an important presentation, or a first date, for example — you can show confidence, even if you don’t actually feel it, by using positive body language. Instead of hesitatingly walking into a room with your head down, looking away and squeezing into a chair, try to straighten your shoulders and stand with your head held high, smiling and maintaining eye contact, and firmly shake the other person's hand. It will make you feel more confident and help relax the other person.

Skill 3: Control yourself

To communicate effectively, you need to be aware of and control your emotions. And that means learning how to deal with stress. When you get nervous or unable to cope with emotions, you are likely to misperceive other people, send unintelligible or intimidating non-verbal signals, and start acting like an unbalanced, mentally ill person.

How many times have you experienced a disagreement with your spouse, children, boss, friends, or coworkers and then said or did something that you later regretted? If you can quickly release the stress and calm yourself down, not only will you not need to regret later, but in many cases, you will help the other person cool off. Only when you are in a calm, relaxed state, you will be able to understand whether it is necessary to respond in this situation or it is better to be silent, which is signaled by the behavior of the other person.

In situations such as a job interview, a business presentation, a stressful meeting, or getting to know a loved one with, for example, it is very important to manage your emotions, think on the go, and communicate effectively in a stressful situation. These tips can help:

Stay balanced in stressful situations

Use time-wasting tactics to give yourself an extra minute to think. Before answering, ask the question again or ask for clarification on a statement that is causing you confusion.
Pause to collect your thoughts. Silence is not a bad thing; pause faster than the urge to respond can make you pull yourself together.

Make one judgment and provide an example or information to support your statement. If your response speech is too long or you are idly chatting about everything at once, you risk losing the listener's interest. Focus on one judgment with an example, look at the reaction of the listener and evaluate whether it is worth talking about more further.

Be clear and clear. In many cases, the way you speak can be just as important as what you say. Speak clearly, maintain the same tone of voice, and make eye contact. Let your body language speak of relaxation and openness.

At the end of your statement, make a short summary and stop. Briefly summarize the main point of your speech and stop speaking, even if the room is quiet. You don't have to keep talking to fill the silence.

When the discussion gets heated in the middle of the conversation, you need to do something quickly and immediately to reduce the emotional intensity. By learning how to quickly release tension in the moment, even if you can handle any strong emotions you may be experiencing, control your feelings and behave intelligently. If you know how to keep your mind balanced and on, even when something is happening that can unbalance, you can stay emotionally ready and not get lost.

Quick Ways to Relieve Tensions to Continue Effective Communication

To deal with stress during communication, do the following:

Notice when you get nervous.
If you feel nervous while communicating, your body will let you know about it. Are your muscles or stomach tightening and / or sore? Are your hands locked? Is your breathing shallow? Do you "forget" to breathe? Take a moment to calm down before continuing or postponing the conversation.
Seek "help" in your mind and quickly pull yourself together by taking a few deep breaths, contracting and relaxing your muscles, or, for example, remembering a soothing, positively emotional picture.
The best way to manage stress quickly and reliably is to listen to your senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell. But each person reacts differently to the sensations of the senses, so you need to find something that will have a calming effect on you.
Look for a drop of humor in the current situation.
When approached correctly, humor is a great way to relieve tension during communication. When you or others start to take things too seriously, find a way to cheer everyone up by telling a joke or funny story.
Be willing to compromise.
Sometimes, if both you and your interlocutor are able to give in a little, you can find a middle ground that will suit and calm all interested parties. If you realize that the subject of the conversation is more important to the other person than to you, it may be easier for you to compromise, while laying a solid foundation for future relationships.
If necessary, stand by your opinion.
Before returning to the situation, take a break so that everyone can calm down. Take a short pause and step away from the situation. Take a walk outside if possible, or meditate for a few minutes. Physical movement or resting in a quiet place to restore inner balance can help you quickly relieve stress and calm yourself down.

Skill 4: Be Confident

Openness and self-confidence help build clear rapport, as well as increase self-esteem and make decision-making easier for you. Being confident means openly and honestly expressing your thoughts, feelings and needs, while being able to stand up for yourself and respect others. It does NOT mean being hostile, aggressive, or picky. Effective communication is about understanding the other person, not winning an argument or imparting your opinion to others.

To increase self-confidence:

Appreciate yourself and your abilities. They are as important as someone else's.
Know your needs and wants. Learn to express them without violating the rights of others.
Express negative thoughts in a positive way. It's okay to be angry, but you need to show respect for others.
Take positive comments about yourself. Accept compliments graciously, learn from your mistakes, and ask for help when you need it.
Learn to say no. Know the limits of your patience and don't let others use you. Look for a way out of the situation so that everyone is happy as a result.

It is much better not to believe in a person, but to be confident in him.
Stanislav Jerzy Lec

Developing the skill of positive communication

An empathic statement expresses empathy for the other person. Understand the other person's situation or feelings first, and then confidently express your needs or opinions. "I know you've been very busy at work, but I want you to make time for us as well."

Growing self-confidence can be used when your first attempts have been unsuccessful. Over time, you become more decisive and assertive: your statement can communicate specific consequences in the event that your needs are not met. For example, "If you do not comply with the agreement, I will have to go to court."

Start practicing assertiveness in less risky situations that will help build your confidence. Or ask friends or family members if they will let you practice assertive techniques on them first.

What prevents us from easily and simply communicating with people - talking, maintaining contact? After all, speaking is one of the most important human abilities.

There are many reasons, among which the most popular are:

Shyness,
- fear of saying nonsense,
- fear of being misunderstood,
- unwillingness to express your opinion -

and many other excuses that hide the psychological problem of communication. How to communicate with people correctly so that this process brings joy, how to reveal the secret of the ability to speak and negotiate -.

Why can't I talk to people correctly?

The ability to communicate with people is required every day. Thanks to the ability to speak, we can communicate our thoughts, make friends, confess our love, pursue a career and be confident in any situation in life. The whole life of a modern person consists of intersections with other people, and communication skills are essential.

But what if the conversation fails? Fear, isolation, unsociability, insecurity - all this makes it impossible to find a common language with the interlocutor... The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to unravel the secret of effective communication.

Communicative interaction is the act of transmitting and receiving information between people. It seems that everything is simple and clear. But for some reason a failure occurs, and a person cannot easily perform these very actions. The reasons lie in his psyche, which determines thoughts, ulterior motives, priorities. Regardless of education or age, the psychology of communication is closely related to a set of desires and values of a particular person, called vectors.

The rules of the psychology of communication: for whom it is important

For the owner of the anal vector, the problem will be the fear of disgrace, to say something wrong, out of place. Excellent memory and the ability to analyze past events carefully preserve all past mistakes and mistakes in his thoughts.

An innate tendency towards perfectionism and attention to detail make him constantly scroll through a different set of conversation options in his head, think about the next word. Therefore, his speech is slow, burdened with many details, often unnecessary for the interlocutor. If interrupted during a conversation or forced to speak faster, he may become stupid and lose the conversation thread.

The tendency to generalize bad personal experiences instead of productively using their analytical skills in professional activities inevitably leads to fear of communication. And even if such a person starts attending trainings on communication with people, the problems are likely to remain. The set of rules and recommendations obtained there shows how to work on the investigation, but will not be able to remove the cause of uncertainty and difficulties in communication.

And this is the main thing - to realize the reasons for your fears and problems. It's like a medical diagnosis. When it is precisely set and the cause of the disease is determined, it can be cured. Knowing how the psyche works, its properties can be used for the benefit of others and for your joy.

Scary to communicate with people: how to overcome yourself

And if it is scary not only to communicate, but even to live? The huge emotional amplitude of the owner of the visual vector sometimes plays evil jokes with him. The range of emotions from boundless happiness to the same boundless grief and longing. A stunningly rich imagination throws up fantastic plots of disasters, murders and innumerable troubles.

It is people with a visual vector that have the strongest fears, panic attacks and anxiety.

The innate fear of death is a root emotion, as the cause of the whole variety of phobias remains in a visual person, when all his thoughts revolve around fear for himself and his own safety. He begins to be afraid to communicate with people, acting out fantastic stories about robberies, violence, murders in his head. The spectator's fantasies are so vivid and exciting that he begins to believe them, live in a fictitious reality and cannot get out of there.

The paradox is that fantasies are carried over into real life. The more the spectator fears for himself, the more fears he has, the more often he finds himself in situations where he becomes a victim of no longer fictional stories. He cannot be confident. It "smells" of fear, "victim", and this smell is caught by everyone - from dogs that growl and bite such people to rapists and robbers.

Psychologists' advice on how to overcome fear, overcome yourself, stop being afraid, do not give any result. And this is understandable. After all, again we are trying to deal with the investigation, not understanding the reasons for any fears, including the fear of communicating with people. Awareness of their properties and desires allows a person to get rid of all the problems associated with hypertrophied self-care and fear for oneself.

Empathy with other people, relatives, friends, friends allows the viewer to establish a strong emotional contact with the interlocutor and share his sorrows and joys with him. In this case, the fear goes away and there is no communication problem at all. On the contrary, people are drawn to such people. They want to be close to them, feeling genuine sympathy and empathy.

How to learn to communicate when you are not interesting to me

Sound people are generators of ideas. But with whom to share them? Who can understand and discuss them? Genius in potential, but difficult to communicate, as if fixated on themselves and their thoughts, the sound people often close in on themselves, poorly make contact with people. They cannot clearly and simply express their thoughts, because they themselves understand the meaning, and it is no longer interesting to pronounce the entire chain of words.

Egocentrics by nature, arrogant and "the smartest", people with a sound vector can engage in spiritual self-improvement, the psychology of which is to cognize what is not in the material world. Of course, finding like-minded people for such communication is not easy. But if this happened, then the two sound people will discuss the higher worlds, spiritual topics, or happily be silent, sitting at night under the starry sky.

To answer the age-old questions - who am I, where am I from and where am I going? - the sound engineer needs to be aware of his desires and characteristics. Realizing that his main desire is to know himself, the people around him and the meaning of life, the sound engineer can get out of his "shell" and begin to know the world around him. The transfer of concentration from your inner states to others completely solves all the problems of communicating with people.

There is a pause. Only a confused, stupid smile can be squeezed out of myself. Awkward silence outside and chaos in my head: how to talk, what to talk about ?! , so as not to seem ridiculous, intrusive, stupid, funny? From these thoughts you get even more lost. The head becomes completely empty. And the thread of the conversation has already gone - to those who are able to support him.

It is unbearable to be an outsider among normal interlocutors. The fear of communication does not allow to take place either in a couple, not at work, or among friends. But don't be in a hurry to despair. The training "System-vector psychology" provides a unique ability to communicate with people easily.

I can't communicate with people: what is the reason?

The main reason effective communication fails is:

Instead of focusing on the interlocutor, the person is immersed in his thoughts and states, in doubts or fears.

This prevents you from truly engaging in the conversation. Be sincerely interested in the interlocutor, tune in to his wave. The head is occupied exclusively with its "thought mixer".

Our internal states interfere with communication:

fear

It happens that it is not clear why, but it is still scary. What if people will be bored and uninteresting with me? What if I seem to someone funny, stupid, ugly? See, two are whispering about something, giggling? They are about me, I know for sure. You ought to move to that dark corner, away from your eyes, otherwise it’s like on an X-ray..

stupor

doubt and uncertainty

How to learn to communicate without fear

Strong fear, anxiety, phobias and even panic attacks are familiar only to owners. These are people with a huge emotional range. Their mood can change in a short time: from euphoria of happiness to bottomless melancholy. At the root of this special emotional susceptibility lies an innate fear of death.

When a person is locked in fear for himself, his safety (physical or psychological) - all thoughts revolve around this. Possessing a rich imagination, the spectator can even think of something that does not exist at all. For example, that everyone is whispering about him, they laugh at him.

The problem is that our condition is unconsciously captured by others through pheromones. And this smell cannot be controlled deliberately. No perfume will clog it - it will only strengthen it. When we smell of fear, we literally attract those who might humiliate or ridicule.

For this reason, the owners of the cutaneous-visual ligament of vectors from childhood can become a victim, on which the whole class dumps hostility and aggression. Over the years, this scenario has become commonplace. And with any attention to your address, everything inside shrinks with fear: now they will be beaten. Not with fists, but with words. To humiliate and ridicule. What is the right way to talk to people in order to get rid of this fear and feel safe? To begin with, balance your inner state.

When the owner of the visual vector manages to focus on the emotions and states of others, the fear for oneself disappears. You've probably noticed that when you empathize with loved ones or friends, your own pain and fear recede. Joy and delight appear. Because we managed to support the other, to share his feelings with him. At such a moment, the question does not arise of how to learn how to communicate easily with people. Everything is so easy and natural. There is a reason for this: the ability for empathy and compassion is the special talent of fine-feeling visuals.

When realizing visual talent - the talent to establish emotional connections with people - the entire range of fear turns into an immense love for people. In sympathy and active help.

Our states are instantly captured by others through pheromones. Realizing his talent, the visual person no longer "smells" of fear and does not cause anyone to want to cause damage. On the contrary, he himself becomes the object of universal love, attraction and admiration.

How to communicate with people correctly: psychology for a perfectionist

There are people among us who would like to know the exact rules of the psychology of communication. Because it's scary to make a mistake. To say something out of place, to get into a mess, to disgrace. It is better to ask a psychologist for advice once again than to blush in front of people. One problem: you won't be able to hire a psychologist for every meeting (and even more so for a date). You need an independent skill of communicating with people.

The desire to do everything perfectly, without errors and mistakes, is a property of people with an anal vector. They are natural perfectionists aimed at respect and honor in society. The opinion of others for them is not an empty phrase, but an indicator of their own solvency. It is painful to even think that you will disgrace yourself and look like a fool.

An analytical mindset allows such a person to generalize and systematize information. A phenomenal memory stores every detail and detail. When these natural talents are realized in the profession, we see an expert, a professional. Such a person is aimed at finding the slightest error, doing the job perfectly accurately. But when their talents fail to find social use, they become a source of big problems.

When the tendency to generalize is misused, we generalize our bad experiences. Having experienced betrayal, we see a potential traitor in everyone. Once offended in a pair relationship - we are offended by the entire opposite sex. Phenomenal memory constantly slips memories of the past shame and causes the fear of a repetition of the situation. Especially if even in childhood we were constantly cut off in mid-sentence and considered "mumbled".

I want to communicate with people - but I can't. No amount of self-improvement and psychology in exercises and meditation helps. On the psyche hang such pood weights that do not allow to take place among people. Being natural couch potatoes, in such a situation they simply stop leaving the house.

Awareness of their mental properties and the ability to implement them as intended will remove the huge burden of internal dissatisfaction. Then there will be no need to perceive the interlocutors as "confirmation" of their accumulated grievances and bad experiences. Communication with other people will become an easy and natural process.

Training on communication with people for aliens "out of this world"

It happens that ordinary conversations in a company are alien to a person. He perceives them simply as a mouse fiddling around meaningless things. And it is not surprising: his thoughts are not occupied by material issues at all. The owner is by nature striving to cognize the metaphysical, spiritual - the meaning of life, the destiny of man. He often does not even realize what he is striving for, simply feeling the need to look for something more.

For a sound engineer, communicative interaction with others is valuable if he can find like-minded people, “brothers in mind” who are also striving to comprehend the spiritual. In other cases, a person gradually closes in on himself, stops making contact.

Sometimes the sound engineer has a special problem in getting his or her unusual thoughts across to people. Everything in my head sounds harmonious and consistent. And when trying to voice the idea - some unintelligible, torn fragments come out. The sound engineer is so immersed in his thoughts and states that he is not ready to explain to others what is extremely clear to him.

The soundman is a natural egocentric. However, the ability to communicate adequately is a matter of good fortune for such a person. When he manages to realize himself in society, we see a brilliant scientist, programmer, musician. If not, depressive states gradually appear, suicidal thoughts come. In order not to experience difficulties in communication, the sound engineer needs to get out of the shell of his own thoughts, and this is possible only by being aware of those unconscious processes that drive us.

Modern people are multi-vector. Interference in communication can be complex and have causes in different vectors and properties of the human psyche. solves psychological problems of any complexity. Give yourself a chance to be convinced of this by personal experience.

Here is what people say about it who managed to completely get rid of the fear of communication with the help of Yuri Burlan's training:

“The process of interacting with people has reached a completely different level. It became interesting for me to communicate. I noticed that I was running towards people. That I have a joyful anticipation of communicating with other people. The interaction process became so simple and harmonious that I could not believe in this miracle ... "

“Interest and desire for communication has returned. In the past few years, I was a little burdened by society, it was boring and uninteresting, I strove for loneliness. I preferred books, drawing, yoga to live communication ... naturally realizing that this is not very ... "

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-vector psychology»