If a guy likes another. How to behave if he loves another
In the relationship between a man and a woman, there is sometimes a real confusion. When it comes to feelings, logic recedes into the background. And in general, it becomes difficult when a “love triangle” arises in which he, she and ... she participate. In such a situation it is difficult to understand how to behave correctly.
1.
Not everyone is capable of sincere feelings. Quite often, people confuse love with a habit or a sense of ownership towards a partner. A man is not a pet that can be kept in four walls. He is a person who has the full right to decide for himself how to behave, who to love and with whom to build relationships. If a man chose not you, first think carefully and honestly answer the question: do you really love him? Or is it all the tricks of wounded pride?
2. If you understand that your feelings were fed by ordinary selfishness and resentment, or the man who left you for another woman was just a valuable reward, leave the race. Find yourself another object for passionate impulses. But if you are sure that your feeling is sincere, slow down to think. Love is not limited to communication and sex with a partner. It also includes such a thing as attitude to a person. Unselfish, pure love - if you experience joy when your beloved is happy. And it does not matter that with another woman.
3. Nevertheless, we do not forget that people who easily retreat from the goal, who are by nature passive, can miss their happiness altogether. Alternatively, you can at least try to outplay your opponent - to make sure that the chosen one “switches” from her to you. Of course, participating in such a struggle, you can get dirty, because there is nothing romantic here - all this is more like a military strategy. The main thing in such a case is to get to know a man as best as possible, to understand why it is not good for him and to give him that. If necessary, create artificial conditions for a man to feel an imbalance.
4. There is hardly a person who can honestly say that he is completely satisfied with everything in his life. Every man deep inside has hopes that a woman will be found who is able to guess and satisfy his secret desires. We are not talking only about sex, because sex, as such, is not so valuable. One man wants to hear words of praise about how clever he is, another expects his beloved to tell about how strong he is, the third craves adrenaline, because he is so drawn to adventure. If you satisfy and feed the man's secret hobbies, he will become addicted. This is something like a drug addiction, only moral - believe me, many people "sit" on such a dope.
5. Do things that can excite his imagination. When a man often and a lot thinks about you, he “clings to” your image, makes you a part of his world. Just do not go to extremes - not everyone can understand eccentricity. Do not impose, but let him see you often. However, periodically hide from sight. Play (but always know when to stop). Do not drive a man, let him make a choice. Try to create such a situation so that he was sure that he himself decided to leave the ex-girlfriend and connect his life with you.
True love ... She devote poems, poems and whole novels. She brings joy, happiness. From sincere, true love the sky becomes cleaner, and the sun - brighter.
True, everything is beautiful, everything is perfect? When love is mutual. And what if I fell in love with a guy who loves another? How to act, how to live, how to survive and not go mad?
How many girls asked themselves this question where to find out about hot tours from Novosibirsk, but not everyone found the answer that would satisfy them.
Pragmatists and cynics most often speak in such a situation: forget it. Forget here, if one constantly stands before your eyes, and thoughts are spinning in your head: why is it better than it is so special, why the hell is it not me? And the worst thing is that everything else, you also know that she does not love him. Yes, your special, extraordinary, the best, for her - just an empty space.
Anger, resentment, irritation, perhaps hate. The whole range of feelings covers with his head. And you just do not understand what to think and how to act. Of course, you can hate her, because it was she, yes, yes, it was she who ruined and broke everything. Even if this third party of your love triangle does not know about your love or about it. All the same, in all its fault. You can send her megatons of hatred, curse, want all the worst of the worst. So it becomes easier. For a while.
And if you can't hate her. And if, for example, she is your friend? If she loves him and can't live without him? And if you, you yourself love her, appreciate her. What then? What to do? To tell her, putting your friendship to the test, or, maybe, to keep silent, and when the truth opens, and it just opens, just lose your girlfriend and live on with a double pain in your soul.
And now you are already beating your head against the wall, crying, cursing the whole world and you do not see the solution to the question: what to do if I fell in love with a guy who loves another?
What to do? First, get away from the wall. If you beat out the brains, you will definitely not find a solution, because there is nothing to think about. Went away? Well done. Now drink something soothing and try to calm down. And it is better to sleep. With a fresh mind it is easier to make the right decisions.
So, you are fresh and rested, as far as possible of course. Fine. Now you can begin to understand the situation.
What to do if he loves another, and she loves him too. That is, they are a couple. Here you have only two choices: let go or fight for a guy. Of course, letting go is difficult, painful and unbearable, at first. But in this situation, this is the only correct solution. Even if you think wrong and you want to fight. Well, analyze it yourself: he loves her. LOVES. How are you going to eradicate this love? Here you honestly can not play. So you deliberately, and forgive me, meanly, you are going to destroy the relationship. In other words, you will hurt him. But when they love, they wish them happiness. Not with you. Just happiness. So maybe this is not love at all. Besides, let's say you still make him fall out of love with the other and be with you. You can not live in peace, because you will always know that if you were able to take him away from her, then another one, who is infinitely in love in love with her, can easily take him away from you. Is it possible to call a happy life when you constantly feel fear? Answer these questions and think again about the “release” option.
Scenario two: he loves her, she does not love him. Here, everything looks much more rosy and promising. At first sight. Of course, you can show that you are a true friend, that you understand him, are ready to help and support, that you cannot find anyone better. Over time, he will forget it and realize that you are perfect. Unfortunately, basically it happens only in movies. In real life, the percentage of such an outcome is negligible. Of course, you can still take the risk, but remember that it is quite possible that you will suffer, because you will not achieve the result you expect.
Because, more often than not, love does not pass so quickly. And if a person suffers from unrequited feelings, the one who at this moment offers his love to him simply becomes a substitute, a way to forget, to cause jealousy. Even if your beloved will sincerely try to build relationships, it’s far from a fact that he will succeed. The fact is that with the help of you, he will forcibly eradicate feelings from himself for another. And violence causes irritation and hatred. And all this negative, sooner or later, it will spill in your direction. And then you will be a hundred times sicker. After all, you have already managed to give him your soul, and he turned out to be an ungrateful pig. And even worse, he will eventually forget past feelings and love. But not you. And a completely foreign girl, who does not even know about all his recent emotional upheavals. I. In fact, there is nothing to blame him for. Because, in most cases, there must be a transition between one and second love, a bridge that makes you move away from one edge and step onto another. On the bridge you can stand for a long time. But no one remained to live there. It's a shame, annoying, but true.
And now let us recall the most painful and unpleasant scenarios: me, my girlfriend and him. This is really a problem. The little man to whom you were always ready to tell everything makes you angry. You want to stop hating her. And you can not. After all, you're already in love! Want to tell everything, but not enough power. In this case, probably, the relationship with the girlfriend may become a bigger problem. Think about whether you are ready to fight against her, in fact, to spoil her life. If yes - it means, and not a friend at all. And if not. Then it's worth telling her everything. Sure, she already feels that something is wrong, she suspects, but she does not dare to speak out loud. And she is experiencing. Therefore, it is best to talk about cleanliness and decide what to do.
This girlfriend will understand, because the heart can not command. And if she condemns you, then this person is not worth the high title of "friend." Believe it on the word, after such a conversation will become easier. Let not much, but still easier. And even if you decide to move away for a while, she will know the reason, and not guessing and worrying. After all, all the same, no matter how much we love, how we would not worry, but often it happens that guys come and go, but friendship remains forever.
QUESTION TO PSYCHOLOGISTS
Asks: Julia (2013-04-20 19:34:39)
Hello. I am 20 years old, I am a student. I started dating a guy - everything was just fine. He himself was the initiator of our relationship. He said he was ready for anything, if only we could be together. I agreed - I liked him for a long time. But then I learned that he still loves his ex-girlfriend, who left him alone: first, on his page in the social. the network was hidden marital status "in love with her", he sent her all sorts of romantic poems that he wrote for her, all sorts of songs about love ... I know that they communicate, but I did not read his correspondence specifically. I tried to talk to him about it, but I heard something like this: "I'm with you, I report to you about my every step, I walk either with you, or I am at home ... what is wrong with you ..."
You see, I love him very much, the relationship with him means a lot to me. I am very afraid of losing him ... And also she, it seems, is coming soon ... and I accidentally saw his correspondence with a friend about what he hopes is it still possible to return ... Help please, what to do ?? "To quit it is beyond my strength ... or should I try ??? Is it possible that he just wants to forget it completely? It is very, very painful for me to think that I am for him - just a" spare airfield ".. .
THE RESPONSES OF PSYCHOLOGISTS
Hello Yulia!
The problem of your relationship in the incompleteness of the previous by your boyfriend. If he was the initiator of the relationship with you, then, therefore:
He sincerely wanted to forget, naively believing that everything will be forgotten by itself.
Or he wanted to show the ex-girlfriend that he was not very worried that he could arrange his life without her, consciously or unconsciously, thus causing jealousy.
Further development showed that the “wedge of the wedge” could not be knocked out; all the same, thoughts about the former, and, most importantly, hope remained.
When love is present in a relationship, you want penetration, perception of the other in body and soul. Physically, bye, He is with you, but where is his soul? After all, all the romance, the whole flight of feelings, He does not devote to you? Can it be called yours?
At the moment, you should understand that you have to make a choice, and it is always difficult and even scary.
Or do you try to talk with your boyfriend. To do this, you may have to admit that you know about his hopes for the other girl. It will hurt, but this suffering is worth living in uncertainty.
It is precisely the uncertainty, the vagueness of the vision of the future that now makes up most of the suffering. Even if the further development of events will not be in your favor, it will be easier, although it will be necessary to survive the separation. But it is better to survive it correctly, so that later there is no incompleteness, like your boyfriend’s. He, unwillingly, pulled you into the emerging love triangle. Do you want to be part of it? Can step aside, look at the situation from a distance? Take a time out in a relationship, give a young person a chance to decide?
Any of your choice has the right to exist. Such life situations allow you to quickly grow up, learn to understand people, make the right decisions. There can be no right or wrong decision, in any case you will learn something, get some experience that may be invaluable in the future.
I would be glad if I could be a little useful.
Sincerely, Elena Furkulitsa
Hello, Julia
You ask: "what to do?" But the answers, at least a few, are obvious to you.
Breake down.
Continue the relationship.
Both options are ineffective.
The reasons for inefficiency are simple - neither separation nor continuation of the relationship alone will only help you change your geographically position. But your feelings, your usual ways of building relationships will remain unchanged. This means that after parting, you will eventually meet another guy, next to whom you will feel the same way. The fact that you find it difficult to make a decision and your feelings mean for me your deep emotional immersion in relationships. This happens sometimes with people who in their lives more often experienced relationships in which they were in the background. Something like you could worry about yourself on the part of parents. Which seems to provide you with what is vital. And love and feelings were too little.
Staying together without any change is a compromise. That is - to pay those that you do not like for the opportunity to be with the one you love.
Is it love or a fantasy about the need for love? Hard to say. But most likely, the continuation will only deepen the suffering.
Therefore, I think that it would be more effective to sort out before making a decision on your feelings and desires associated with this relationship. The reasons that keep you in such a relationship. And understand the ways - how and what you can do to fill your life with the joy of intimacy, attention, care from the person. who loves you, and does not replace love with the possibility of somehow controlling it.
Working with a psychotherapist could help you understand yourself and independently find the most natural option for yourself. Whether in this relationship, or in others, but so that it was mutual.
Vladimir Lanko, psychologist Kharkov
Mutual love is what, perhaps, most people dream of at one time or another in their lives. Unfortunately, such a desire does not always become a reality, but this does not mean at all that you need to fall into despair - you can easily fight for your feelings or try to eradicate them.
What to do if you love a guy is not mutually
Why he doesn't love meThe reasons may be many. In general, you yourself must understand that love does not occur "on request." Surely, in your life there were young people who also loved you unrequitedly, and could not understand why you are not reciprocating. In this situation, it is appropriate to recall one of the most famous sayings that "you cannot command the heart." If a guy doesn’t fool your head, and initially sincerely admits that you couldn’t capture his heart, then don’t be angry or offended by him - he tries to behave decently towards you, although he could use your feelings in some of his purposes. It is possible that over time his attitude towards you will change, but at this stage, appreciate his honesty, thank for it. How to behave so as not to harmIf a guy does not love you, and you are in love with him, then this does not mean that you have no chance to be together. It is possible that you will be able to evoke strong feelings in him. However, remember that there may be the opposite result - you simply alienate the young man from yourself. So, if you still want to get close, try to start just to make friends with him. No need to be obsessive, to talk about your love, if you did not immediately find a response. Say that you like him as a person, and you would not want to lose contact with him. Offer a friendly relationship, and make it clear that your love feelings have already cooled. If you save at least a small thread of communication with this guy, you will have the opportunity to show yourself from the most advantageous side, to give him the opportunity to look at you, to re-evaluate. Moreover, if you keep silent about your true feelings, the young man will be able to relax and not be afraid that you want to seduce him in this way, even if it really is. Psychologist tipsSuffering from unrequited feelings, the first thing to think about is whether or not your love for this guy is real and so strong. Maybe a completely different thing - in a vulnerable pride, a keen sense of loneliness, old sympathy or something else? It is possible that you will be able to get rid of this lust by simply turning your attention to someone else more chances of reciprocity? If this seems impossible to you, then we recommend fully immersing yourself in your experiences and carefully, without closing your eyes, to analyze the behavior of the elect. Most likely, you will realize that you mentally endowed him with qualities that he does not necessarily correspond to. Write on a piece of paper a list of its advantages and disadvantages. Do not try to lie to yourself and ignore some of the negative features of the object of sympathy - write the truth and fill up the list of "minuses" as needed. Your further task is to re-read the column with the negative features of the beloved as often as possible, thereby learning to really evaluate it. In addition, it will not be superfluous to study your immediate surroundings. It is not excluded that the guy who you for some reason decided not to consider as a potential partner in life has long been giving you signs of attention. Maybe it's time to change your attitude to the fan and look at him with a new look. Of course, there is no question of rushing into the arms of a person to whom there are no romantic feelings. However, this guy may deserve a chance on your part - just try to get to know him better, and you may realize that you have more in common with him than you could have imagined. Often, chasing something inaccessible, we miss and do not notice something truly worthwhile - think about it.I love him, but he doesn't have me - how to fall in love with any person
If you are in a relationship with him, but you feel that you don’t needOf course, the first thing you need to think about is whether you need a guy who allows himself such behavior while being in a relationship with you. Perhaps, not only his feelings have cooled down for a long time, but also yours, but you preferred not to notice this? If this is not so, and you understand that you do not want to lose your beloved, then, of course, it makes sense to fight for your love, to return the former interest from your partner. Think about why he distanced himself? Maybe you spent a lot of time on your business, were not paying attention to it, or did boredom settle in your relationship long ago? Try to fix all the “shoals” for your part and refresh your feelings with romantic surprises, joint trips, care. Try to behave as you would at the time of the peak of his sympathy for you. If you initially felt that you are not particularly interesting to your chosen one, and he is not with you “for love”, but for some personal reasons, then you also have a chance to “hook” him “from scratch” - be bright, make the guy jealous and realize that he was very lucky that you chose him. If you are just friends or colleaguesTry to get closer gradually. Give the man a little more attention than usual - be interested in his affairs, provide small signs of care. He should suspect that you like, but he should not have clear evidence. Give him time to realize this, look at you from the other side, and perhaps he will understand that you really have a lot in common and will begin to take the initiative in relation to you. If he doesn't notice youIf the guy does not notice you, then the advice is simple and banal - make sure to notice! So what are we talking about? Since he does not show interest in you now, it means only that in the "present form" you do not deceive him, no matter how beautiful you are. Look, what girls does he like? Perhaps you are noisy and bright laughter, and he is used to building relationships with modest and thoughtful young ladies. It may be that you are a quiet homebody, and he likes active travelers and creative people. Try to try on a new image and give the guy the opportunity to evaluate it - it is possible that he will finally notice you. If you fell in love with a married manFeeling in love with a married man, really appreciate your perspectives. Is this man worth bringing such problems into his life, which are inevitable. Even if he turns or has already paid attention to you, this does not mean that he will leave the family. At first, perhaps you will not demand this, and you will be glad to be content with little, but believe me, this will change over time. The position of the mistress will seem humiliating to you, and in part it is so. You will understand that a man simply uses you, and if his feelings really were real, you would be the only woman in his life, no matter what justifications and convincing arguments he would find. Of course, maybe he will leave the family, but in the eyes of many people around you (some of his / your relatives, friends) you will remain a woman who broke up the family, even if everything went there to break up. However, it may be so that your love will be non-reciprocal, and subsequently it will be a shame to you to remember in front of you how unsuccessfully you tried to seduce a married man. In general, before you rush into this pool, get ready for the worst developments of the script, and, perhaps, your love will be removed as a hand. If the husband fell out of loveHave you begun to understand that your spouse has not long experienced the attention and care that was before? Your family relationships are developing as if by inertia, and, at times, it seems to you that your marriage is on the verge of termination? Analyze how long you began to drift apart. In many families, this happens after the baby is born - the wife is so immersed in caring for the child that the spouse simply fades into the background. Often this leads to adultery and alienation by the man. It is also possible that you relaxed, “launched” yourself, ceased to be the woman with whom he fell in love, and who made a marriage proposal. If a husband is dear to you, try to return his feelings - show him your care, love, try to surprise him with romantic surprises, diversify your love life. It is not excluded that your marriage can still be given a "second wind", and soon you will forget about the fact that recently everything went towards separation.
