Gender and sexual education of children in the family: a psychologist's consultation. Gender aspects of education

For so long your child has remained for you the smallest and most tender creature on earth. But time goes inexorably, and now you have a teenager who declares his rights and desires, and besides, he has a lot of uncomfortable questions. The menstrual cycle, first and sexual fantasies, body changes and relationships with the opposite body. The topics are very sensitive and most parents prefer to avoid them. However, the sexual education of adolescents is an extremely important issue, and ignoring it often leads to disastrous consequences.

First changes

The age at which they become especially noticeable may vary. For some, this is 11 years, for others - 14. At this time, the body as a whole is actively developing. Body weight and height increase significantly, working capacity increases, all physiological systems actively develop. But the endocrine glands work most actively at this time. Under their influence, even behavior changes. Sexual education of adolescents should be started as early as possible, competently answering all questions and not hushing up topics of interest to him, so as not to create an information vacuum.

School or parents

This is another important question. Relatively recently, sexual education of adolescents did not take place at all. Information had to be collected by the children themselves bit by bit, learning it from older comrades. As a result, it came in a distorted and not always complete form. Today, society has finally reached the point where it is extremely important to educate a teenager not only in the bosom of the family, but also to conduct special training within the framework of school education.

The introduction of special items allows you to increase the level of information awareness and gives each teenager the opportunity to ask questions of interest to him. Thus, we can say that the sexual education of adolescents is the task of the whole society as a whole. That is why today there are so many informational videos that are broadcast on television. They are designed in an accessible and simple form to convey to yesterday's child the most important information that he needs so much.

At the intersection of physiology and psychology

Both the boy and the girl in their incomplete 14 years become completely different, which is often a cause of concern for a caring parent. And how not to worry if an affectionate and contact child suddenly begins to withdraw into himself, to fence himself off, he has his own life, about which he does not want to talk. In fact, he himself does not fully understand what is happening to him. The fact is that the pubertal period is characterized by a sharp one. It is thanks to this that the active appearance of secondary sexual characteristics, the formation of constitutional features of the body, the breaking of the voice and all the accompanying changes with the external and internal genital organs occur.

But that's not all. A boy and a girl do not yet know what exactly is happening in their bodies, so all the changes can be scary. The activity of the gonads easily explains the instability of autonomic functions and frequent mood swings. As you can see, the change in behavior is well justified. The increased activity of the gonads at this moment also plays a role. Hormones are released as much as there is not even in an adult. At the same time, a teenager does not have the opportunity to fully realize this energy. This results in rudeness and stubbornness. Do not be offended, it is best to teach the child to adequately implement everything in the right direction. Interesting activities, sports, outdoor activities will help.

School objectives

Sex education in our schools is in its infancy. This is facilitated by the fact that most of the information that is related to sex in our society is taboo. This is a relic of the Soviet past, when sex education at school was reduced to a page in an anatomy textbook, where the genitals of a man and a woman were drawn. But even this information did not receive any comments from the teacher.

Why is it recommended to work in a team? Because there is an opportunity to invite qualified specialists and experts who will give information that each parent individually does not have in full. Or if he owns, he does not know how to convey to the younger child. The second point: this information immediately spreads to the whole class, that is, each of the students forms the correct idea about the nature of sexuality. As a result, it will be easier for them to have discussions outside the classroom.

The main problems that sex education solves in school

• First of all, it is necessary to name the filling of the information vacuum. Teenagers have always been interested in taboo topics. However, distorted or inaccurate information often does more harm than good.
• Prevention of problems that carries with it the early onset of sexual activity. Today this issue is becoming more and more relevant. Even if the very fact of early entry into adulthood persists, it is imperative that safety is maintained for both partners.
• Prevention of sexual violence. Sexual education for girls should necessarily include educating adolescents about the problem of pedophilia in order to reduce the number of abuses against them by adult men.

Information block

Do not forget that information must be received in a timely manner and strictly in the required amount. At the age of three, to the question "how did I appear?" you can tell a fairy tale about a king and queen who loved each other very much and slept tightly hugging each other in the same bed. And one day they realized that someone appeared in the queen's stomach. He grew rapidly, and soon the court physician said that it was a girl. Everyone was very happy. And when she grew up, she came out into the world.

Usually, with admission to the kindergarten, the child begins to understand the difference between the sexes. And again, do not dismiss such questions. Confirm that the genitals are arranged differently, in boys they look like a faucet, and in girls they look like a slit. For now, this will be enough.

When the child reaches the age of five, you can add a little information about how he got into his mother's tummy. Here it is appropriate to tell that dad gave mom a cell of himself. She united with the mother's cell, and a child developed from it. If the baby saw dogs or cats on the street at an intimate moment, and he again had questions, then you can stick to the same version. So animals pass their cells to each other, and soon babies will appear in the tummy of the female.

The age of 8-9 years is considered optimal for the first talk about sex. This does not mean that the child needs to be planted and laid out to him everything that you know. But, having seen an advertisement for pads, you can start a conversation with a girl that she will soon begin menstruation and her breasts will begin to grow. Now she will become even more beautiful and turn into a young girl. The husband can tactfully tell the boy about the approaching wet dreams and the breaking of the voice. And again, it must be emphasized that this is a normal phenomenon, and it indicates that everything is in order with his body.

At about 8-9 years old, you can already talk about sex. Explain that the sexual organs have serious names - the penis and the vagina. Hugs and kisses are very pleasant for both men and women. From this, the penis increases and it can be inserted into the vagina, like a key. Spermatozoa come out of it, which combine with the female egg and form a new life. At the age of 13-14, it will be possible to impose a conversation on contraception and protection against sexually transmitted diseases on this basis. The main thing is not to compose fairy tales and fables, but to talk seriously and frankly with the child.

What parents need to learn

Questions of sexual education of teenagers seem so sensitive to us, first of all, because our parents did not have such conversations with us. And so far, although we ourselves have adult children, talking about “this” seems too unethical. However, you should be well aware of the following points:

• Personality and sexuality are indivisible. This rule also applies to sex education, which cannot be considered in isolation. You just need to properly educate the child, communicate with him and answer his questions.
• Work on sex education with adolescents should be carried out long before they have reached this very age. All questions asked by the child should be taken seriously, and the answer to them should be built as competently as possible. No need to tell a three-year-old kid fairy tales about a stork. Suffice it to say now that the parents love each other and therefore a baby appeared in the mother's tummy. As it grows, it will be possible to increase the amount of information.
• In fact, giving a child a competent idea about intimate life is no more difficult than teaching any other things.

Basic rules for parents

We all come from Soviet childhood, which leaves its mark. But in fact, the sexual education of adolescents by parents is a consequence of properly developed houses; they will always listen to him, believe him and protect him. If the parents managed to prove in practice that they are worthy of this trust, then no problems will arise in the future.

The second point is the personality of the parent himself. The problems of sex education are often associated with the fact that an adult has to deal with his complexes and problems, to carry out internal work on them. And the most important thing is not to pass them on to your child. It is only about the attitude towards your body and the process of conception as such. It must be unambiguously positive. There is nothing wrong with the body.

Well, one more thing: in the process of sex education, the situation in the family plays a very important role. Normal, trusting and warm relationships between mom and dad contribute to the child's natural perception of sex-role differences between men and women.

Pedagogy of sex education

Of course, not all parents are teachers and psychologists, so this aspect of education is perceived with certain difficulties. Moreover, sexual education of the younger generation is one of the weakest areas of modern and, in particular, family pedagogy. Not all parents, like teachers, fully understand what it includes.

Gender problems of sexual education of adolescents are acute in single-parent families, where a parent brings up children of the opposite sex. However, even a married couple sometimes cannot decide who will talk with their daughter or son on a particular topic. However, the main thing here is to understand that sexual education is a complex of pedagogical influences on the educated person. This question is considered from two sides:

• It is an integral part of moral education. If a child has clearly formed such concepts as girlish honor, moral purity, manhood, respect for a woman, friendship and love, then consider that you have completed your mission.
• The second aspect is a social and hygienic problem, which is associated with health and well-being. That is, a certain minimum of knowledge is simply necessary.

It is the full disclosure of these two aspects that implies sex education. Topics should be raised as the child's interest develops. It is impossible to separate sexual education from the development of moral qualities.

The main tasks that are the same for the family and the school

The program of sex education for adolescents should be unified, since it serves the same goals. Today in our society there is a tendency to conduct a promiscuous sexual life, the number of divorces is growing. Moreover, this affects the demographic situation in a far from good way. The concepts of civil and guest marriage that have emerged and become stronger bring their confusion into the overall picture of the world, which children absorb. There is nothing better for the formation of the correct model of the world and gender relations than the model of a strong and friendly family.

Based on this, let's formulate the main tasks pursued by the sexual education of adolescents, and the role of the school in this matter:

• Formation of a positive attitude towards a healthy lifestyle and the desire to have a real, friendly family.
• Help in understanding your needs and adequate ways to meet them.
• Providing children with competent information that will enable them to understand what is happening to them and adapt to changes.
• respect for other people, male and female.

School is a social institution where boys and girls learn not only to read and write, but also to build their first relationships with members of the opposite sex. Therefore, teachers, no less than parents, should be involved in the process. Their tasks are even more global, since the correction of sexual education of adolescents, neglected in the family, falls on the shoulders of a school teacher or a social worker.

The main directions of sex education

We have already considered the main tasks in accordance with which it is necessary to build the work of both teachers and parents. The sexual education of girls in the classical sense will be aimed at developing an understanding of oneself as the guardian of the family hearth, traditions, and the successor of the clan. Boys learn respect for a woman, a gentle and careful attitude towards her, protection. Thus, it is possible to formulate several directions of sexual education:

• Sexual education. It helps to form psychological masculinity and femininity. In addition, it is at school that children learn to establish effective communications between themselves, as representatives of the male and female gender.
• Sex education. It is aimed primarily at the optimal formation of sexual and erotic orientations.
• Preparation for responsible marriage. First of all, guidelines for mutually responsible partnership should be worked out here.
• Preparing for responsible parenting.
• The red thread here should be the idea of ​​a healthy lifestyle. It is assimilated through the clarification of the dependence of sexuality, marriage and parenthood on such bad habits as alcoholism and drug addiction, on infidelity and related venereal diseases.

Sex Education Methods for Adolescents

We have already well understood what tasks we are facing so that the future generation will normally enter adulthood. At the same time, I would like to note that not much is required from parents and teachers in order to accomplish these tasks. Communication is the main tool. First of all, you need to establish contact with the child and enlist his trust, and then carry out the process of education. However, communication is different. Today we will highlight two main ones that can be used:

• Orienting communication methods are unhurried conversations and explanations in the process of communication. The most effective way of such communication is the question-answer option. Discussion of various situations and lectures is another form of educational activities.
• Methods of educative communication is another large section that suggests that a person in the process of education not only learns some norms and rules, but also experiences some feelings that form mental neoplasms. Sexual education cannot be reduced only to the assimilation of certain norms. Among the methods of education, one can single out the reception of positive samples of gender-role behavior, as well as methods of approval and disapproval. However, they act only because they cause certain emotions. Therefore, the right choice of means of influence and an individual approach are so important.

Best helpers

Most parents find themselves lacking the right words and explanations, especially when it comes to sex education. The book is the best help. Choose a good encyclopedia and present it to a teenager when he is 10-12 years old. His interest in taboo topics will only grow, and when he comes up with the question of who a gay or transvestite is, you can always refer to a book. For example: "In the encyclopedia, this issue is covered better, let's look together."

Sexual education of a child is a joint journey into the world of adults. From the very first days of his life, you teach the baby so many things that it is a matter of habit for you. All the difficulties that arise with sex education are connected only with our own fears and complexes and shame. Do not focus on this so as not to pass them on to the child. Answer calmly and accurately. And so that the child does not take you by surprise, think over possible answers to the question in advance.

Don't wait for your child to start asking questions. In accordance with age, you can start complex conversations yourself in the form of informational tales or unhurried conversations at the most suitable moment for this. And the most important thing is the formed trust between you and the child.

There is a lot of literature on the shelves of stores, but not all of it is suitable for competent education of a teenager. Moreover, there are books that are best read to parents in order to be able to competently tell the child about everything that interests him. Among them are:

• "From diapers to first dates" D. Haffner.
• “Where did I come from. Sexual encyclopedia for children 5-8 years old ”V. Dumont.
• “Encyclopedia of sexual life for children 7-9 years old. Physiology and Psychology". C. Verdu.

If you want to additionally give a teenager the opportunity to read on their own and find answers to questions, then it is recommended to buy him the book “My body is changing. Everything teens want to know and parents are embarrassed to talk about, published by Clever. Having presented this book, do not forget to tell your child that you are open to dialogue, and you can discuss everything that he reads here.

Gender education. What is it? An analogue of sex education, a well-forgotten old tribute to new words or the creation of variable models of education and new forms of education?

Sex education is education based on knowledge, first of all, of the physiological characteristics of a child's sexual development, i.e. what external manifestations of the reproductive system should be taken as normal and what should be considered deviations from the norm.

Sex education is a system of medical and pedagogical measures to educate parents, children, adolescents and youth in the correct attitude towards gender issues. As part of the upbringing of the individual, sexual education is one of the types of its content.

One of the most important categories is the category of sex - the biological division of people into men and women, in which the child for the first time defines himself as an individual. In the second year of life, without yet distinguishing himself from other people and without naming, the child already knows whether he is a boy or a girl. At first, the child knows how to name his gender, but nothing more. Why this is so, he cannot explain. Gender is a multifaceted concept, considered in science from different points of view: biological, psychological, medical, pedagogical, etc. Please note that in the first place is biological.

In the psychological and pedagogical literature, we also meet the concept of “gender” (gender).

GENDER - the social sex of a person, formed in the process of educating a personality and including psychological, social and cultural differences between men (boys) and women (girls).

A gender approach in education is an individual approach to the manifestation of a child's identity, which in the future gives a person greater freedom of choice and self-realization, helps to be flexible enough and be able to use different possibilities of behavior.

Gender education is the organization of the pedagogical process, taking into account gender identity, the characteristics of the development of children in the course of gender-based socialization.

The purpose of the gender approach in pedagogy is to educate children of different sexes who are equally capable of self-realization and the disclosure of their potentials and opportunities in modern society.

"Gender" and "gender" are not identical concepts. The term "sex" focuses on biological characteristics, "gender" - on socio-cultural, which society prescribes to people, depending on their biological sex. That is, ultimately, not the biological sex, but sociocultural norms determine the differences in the psychological qualities, behavior patterns, types of activities, professions of women and men.

Our compatriots O.A. Voronina, D.V. Eremeeva, I.S. Kon, D.V. Kolesov, T.P. Khrizman, T.A. Repina and others.

Models of educational space.

1. Acquaintance of teachers with theoretical knowledge about the psychosocial differences between boys and girls, the peculiarities of their upbringing and education;

2. Propaganda of pedagogical knowledge on this issue with parents and involving them in participation in the pedagogical process;

3. Building an appropriate development environment;

Implementation of the first direction in the preschool educational institution: acquaintance of teachers with theoretical knowledge about the psychosocial differences between boys and girls, the features of their upbringing and education; study of literature on the topic: "Peculiarities of gender education of preschool children."

Implementation of the second direction: promotion of pedagogical knowledge on this issue with parents and their involvement in the pedagogical process.

Working with parents is informational and practical in nature. For a full-fledged upbringing of a child, it is important that parents are literate in the issue of gender education of children. To this end, various forms of work with parents are carried out: consultations, conversations, visual information on such topics as: “Boys and girls - to love in different ways”, “The world of movements of boys and girls”, “How and what, boys and girls play” and etc.

Implementation of the third direction: building an appropriate development environment

The implementation of the "Childhood" program requires the organization in the preschool educational institution of a kind of material developing environment. We create the educational environment in kindergarten taking into account the age capabilities of children, emerging sexual inclinations and interests, and design it in such a way that the child can find an exciting activity for himself during the day.

At preschool age, the main activity is the game. In the role-playing game, children learn gender behavior, the child takes on a role and acts in accordance with the accepted role. In the game you can see how noticeably different boys and girls are. Girls prefer games on family and everyday topics, and boys are noisy, filled with movements. In kindergarten groups, conditions should be created for the games “Firefighters”, “Sailors”, “Military”, “Knights”, etc. For girls - “Beauty Salon”, “Doll Corner”, with all the necessary accessories. In the joint upbringing of boys and girls, we consider it a very important pedagogical task to overcome the disunity between them and organize joint games, during which children could act together, but in accordance with gender characteristics. Boys take on male roles and girls take on female roles.

Speaking about the relevance of gender education, educators and parents are recommended to use such methods and techniques in the gender education of a preschooler as gender education games:

· Role-playing games.

Conversations using illustrations, fiction

Issues with ethical content

Making gifts for moms, dads, peers

· Didactic games: "Who likes to do what?", "What to whom?", "I'm growing up", "What do we have in common, how are we different?" , "Dress the boy, dress the girl."

When carrying out work on the upbringing of children, taking into account their gender characteristics, we suggest paying attention to the following:

On the attractiveness of game material and role-playing paraphernalia in order to attract children to reflect socially approved images of female and male behavior in the game;

On the sufficiency and completeness of the material for games.

A boy and a girl are two different worlds. If educators and parents are interested in educating children with regard to their gender, then they can successfully solve these problems.

sexual instinct- the most powerful. Where it dries up, according to L.S. Vygotsky, life goes out. It is a powerful source of psychic impulses, suffering, pleasures, desires, pains and joys.

The problem of sexual education has always been solved in different ways, depending on the level of development of public consciousness. Removing sex education from the general system is the worst possible solution.

Already in infancy, we encounter childhood sexuality and its various normal and pathological manifestations. But the sexual experiences of children are not equal to the sexual experiences of adults.

In childhood, we are dealing with a widespread eroticism, not connected with the work of special organs, not localized in strictly limited places, but excited by the function of the most diverse organs and connected mainly with the mucous membranes of the body.

Further, the character of this eroticism takes the form of auto-eroticism directed at oneself and psychologically normal narcissism, when erotic excitations come from one's own body and find their resolution in it.

In the next phase, children's eroticism takes on new forms: it is directed at the closest persons with whom the child is connected, and enters into a complex component in these relationships. At the time of puberty it is more difficult: the awakened desires cannot find an outlet and satisfaction for themselves and cause a turbulent, vague state of the psyche. Here the sexual feeling assumes the character of a conflict, the successful outcome of which is possible only when the necessary sublimation occurs, through the necessary channels.

The sexual instinct requires such adaptations to the social structure of life that would not run counter to established forms. Sexual instinct is directed to an individual of the opposite sex. The difference that culture makes is its selective, personal character in a person. (Romeo and Juliet cannot survive each other's death, although there are many beautiful boys and girls in the city).

Youthful love, by and large, is the only means of humanizing the sexual instinct. It limits instinct in one direction and creates an exclusive relationship with just one person.

The task of education is to overcome the blindness of instinct, to introduce it into the general sphere of consciousness and to connect it with all other human behavior. Actually, sexual education consists in the fact that this instinct can nourish creativity and that a person knows how to establish relationships of love, friendship, affection, can create his own family and raise his children.

Under the psychosexual development of the child, in this case, we understand the development of his emotions, drives and the ability to enjoy the functioning of his own body.

Although at present the point of view is becoming more widespread that the psychosexual development of a child begins even before birth, in the womb (see in detail S. Fanti. Micropsychoanalysis. M., 1993; M. Marcone. Nine-month sleep. M., 19 ( 3)), we consider the main stages of psychosexual development, starting from birth.

1. Oral stage. The main zone of the body, which at this moment is responsible for receiving pleasure, is the zone of the mouth. In the oral stage, all the needs of the child are met by the mother.

Already in infancy, children, exploring their own body, often play with their genitals. This is a completely natural phenomenon for a baby, and, moreover, it makes a positive contribution to his emotional development. It is the play with one's own body that gives the child the experience that he can enjoy himself on his own, without the help of an adult, which lays the foundation for a sense of personal autonomy in the future.

Anna Freud showed that a certain amount of autoerotic stimulation is absolutely necessary for a child to develop normally. Therefore, no parental prohibitions in this regard are inappropriate. The desire of parents to stop playing with their genitals in a nursing infant can subsequently serve as a source of the formation of passivity, excessive dependence, intellectual and sexual disorders.

At this stage, the child does not yet separate himself psychologically from the mother, and his body from her body. The lack of tactile (bodily) contact with the mother at this stage leads to serious violations of sexual behavior not only in humans but also in primates, as shown in numerous experiments.

Of particular danger to the future sexual development of a person is the situation when, at the oral stage, the infant is most of the time not just isolated and separated from the mother, but in an environment where the approach of an adult means not so much the promise of pleasure as the guarantee of painful procedures, such as, for example, , in the hospital.

Such a person may have an unconscious fear of physical contact with other people for a long time and serious sexual disorders may occur. Therefore, the stay of an infant in a hospital in all cases should be organized as joint with the mother.

At the oral stage, if the child was abruptly and rudely weaned, then a fixation of a constant return to “oral pleasures” in the form of a desire to constantly chew something, “seize” a feeling of loneliness, etc. can form in him. And vice versa, if the pleasures experienced by the child at the previous stage of development turned out to be much stronger than the subsequent stage promises, then the person may have an unconscious desire to constantly return to already proven methods of satisfying vital needs.

In this case, it is customary to speak of regression as a return to an earlier, infantile way of satisfying drives.

As A. Freud notes, the development of the child proceeds unevenly and a certain number of regressions are necessary for normal development, because. “gives a break”, “easy” way to get positive emotions and reduce anxiety.

The main result of the oral stage of psychosexual development is the child's discovery of the Other, the ability to receive satisfaction from emotional contact with the mother and the readiness to experience the joy of bodily contact. The feeling of basic trust (or distrust) in another person, which means for the child at this stage the whole world as a whole, will determine for many years how his emotional contacts with other people will develop.

2. Anal stage. On it, the “attention” of the child is shifted from the area of ​​​​the mouth to the area of ​​\u200b\u200bthe sphincter, which at this time the child is taught to control in the course of teaching neatness skills. It is on the effectiveness of mastering these skills at this stage that the emotional well-being of the child depends.

At this moment, the child is faced with the first social norm in his life, and how successful this period will be will largely determine his attitude to social norms in general.

Recall that there is no biological need that would make a child strive to voluntarily regulate the acts of urination and defecation. Mastering this skill is determined solely by the psychological needs to preserve the love of the mother, the desire for encouragement and avoidance of punishment.

The emotional attitude towards the mother at this stage is characterized by ambivalence: the simultaneous coexistence of love and hate, aggressiveness and the need for intimacy. At this time, the child often becomes stubborn, with a fair amount of negativism, says “no” to everything, commits aggressive actions against the mother (trying to bite, push, hit her). This is due to the fact that the child, as it were, tests the mother’s feelings “for strength” - whether she still loves him or not.

The need to keep the mother's love is an incentive to learn a new skill. Obviously, it is important for a child to be constantly convinced of the presence of this love. And, conversely, if for some reason the child decides that his mother no longer loves him, then only fear will be the incentive to master the skill of neatness.

Such an unconscious attitude determines the behavior of those children who cannot be taught anything except through threat. This happens when the mother reacts too "seriously" to the child's aggression towards her (for example, she is offended and does not talk to him for a long time). The best way would be to translate the destructive tendencies of the child into play activities (games like "build and destroy") and explain to him that it is impossible to harm people and other living beings.

Adequate games at this stage are games with water, sand, pouring - pouring and drawing. The child's excessive fear at this stage of "being dirty", of getting something dirty, can act as an unconscious barrier later - when learning to write, for example.

Sometimes, parents who themselves have experienced a traumatic experience in the anal stage, instill in the child an excessive sense of anxiety about the skills of tidiness, bring up him in an environment of excessive pedantry. Such children are at risk of obsessive-compulsive disorder in the future.

The main psychological mechanism for controlling a child at this stage is to arouse in him a sense of shame, as a feeling of his own inadequacy to external norms and requirements. People who have not gone through this stage very well, for many years retain a feeling of “indecency” of everything connected with their body, which makes it difficult for them to have a normal sex life in the future.

Another negative consequence may be a tendency for an adult to react aggressive impulses to the most emotionally significant person: as soon as the relationship with a partner becomes serious, deep and close enough, he impulsively, as if against his will, does something insulting, offending or humiliating. partner, causing the relationship to break. So, such people lose the most expensive and significant people. They take it hard, but they cannot change their behavior on their own. Moreover, such “rejecting” behavior is never found in relation to emotionally neutral or unpleasant persons.

Obviously, such people were punished excessively harshly in childhood for attempting an aggressive reaction against their mother. Subsequently, they unconsciously try to play out this situation to a happy end and make sure that they are loved no matter what. Such confirmation of love is achieved by excessive aggression towards a partner, the attachment to which is comparable in strength to the emotional attachment to the mother in early childhood.

The result of the anal stage of development is the child's mastery of his aggressive impulses and the solution of the problem of his own ambivalent experiences.

In the course of a collision with the first norms and prohibitions, the child may become more interested in his own genitals as a regressive reaction that guarantees positive experiences. The path of intimidation is dangerous and hopeless. Explicit "distracting" activity of parents is also not good, because. creates in the child a sense of guilt, the "viciousness" of everything connected with the body, and the idea of ​​self-satisfaction as something bad. The best thing in this case is to delicately ignore, but let the child know that touching his genitals in the presence of other children or adults is indecent or ugly. The criterion “ugly” for a child is absolutely understandable, accessible and, moreover, safe in terms of the normal development of sexuality.

At 3-4 years old, when the child is already embarrassed to appear naked in front of strangers, he should master this norm well. In this way, the parents, as it were, give the child implicit permission to receive self-satisfaction in solitude. Under such conditions, early childhood masturbation goes away by itself as the child expands his ability to receive various pleasures from life without resorting to the help of adults. The disappearance of onanism at this stage occurs because the psychological need for it disappears, and the physiological one has not yet arisen.

An unfavorably passed anal stage can leave a trace in the development of the personality in the form of unconscious sadomasochistic attitudes, tendencies to obsessively play the role of a constant victim or persecutor in life. The sadist, striving to experience strength and power and being powerless to overcome the parental ban on sex, replaces it with a ban on cruelty, which he can overcome. It is as if he is checking what he did not have time to check in childhood - to what extent can one reach without being abandoned. The masochist, on the other hand, needs to punish himself with pain in order to reduce his childish, unconscious guilt for his aggressiveness towards his mother. The pain is not necessarily physical, but also psychological. Some people measure the depth of their feelings for a partner by the measure of the suffering they endured for him.

Thus, if the sadist tests his partner for "strength", then the masochist tests himself, which he is ready to endure for the sake of love. Both need super strong evidence. The true, mature erotica of two loving people, as a rule, is not clouded by such feelings, except perhaps in a playful way.

3. Oedipal stage. At this stage, children have an interest in gender differences, their origin, the sexual relations of their parents, other adults. This, in particular, is associated with attempts to spy on naked adults. At the same time, interest in the paraphernalia of one's body is aggravated. The child during this period begins to realize that people of different sexes perform different functions in the family and outside it and use different clothes and different objects. In mastering their own psychosexual role, the child is helped by role-playing games (in “war”, “daughter-mothers”, etc.).

At this stage, feelings for parents of both sexes are ambivalent: a parent of the same sex is perceived both as an example to follow and as a competitor for the attention of a parent of the opposite sex. Equally conflicting feelings are directed at the parent of the opposite sex. In an effort to resolve these contradictions, the child, under normal developmental conditions, imitating the behavior of people of the same sex, masters culturally approved patterns of gender-role behavior.

This process occurs even if the child does not have any of the parents. At this age, the child will find in any case that the mother's attention is not entirely his own. In an incomplete family, the child learns the norms of gender-role behavior, observing life outside the family.

If the parents do not discredit the gender in the eyes of the child, then the child is happy to join in games that give him a new sense of adulthood, in which he imitates the actions of adults of his gender. Parents make the mistake of considering such games “frivolous” and trying to replace them with something more, in their opinion, useful, for example, reading. Without experiencing the pride of belonging to the same sex in the oedipal phase, the child may grow up to be timid and insecure.

During this period, the child seeks to actively intervene in the relationship of parents, tries to separate them when they are passionate about each other. If the parents resolutely close the bedroom doors, then the child will cope with himself by the age of 6 and romantic feelings will go to the "depth" before puberty.

When a child is "excluded" from intimate relationships between parents and he suffers a "defeat" here, this, oddly enough, gives him a sense of security, and in the future - the ability to move away from his parents. If the parents give in, then the child may have a fear that the marriage is not strong and anxiety, fear of success, a bad attitude towards sex and personal troubles may develop in the future.

Another distinctive feature of this period is the emergence of erotically colored games between children of different sexes. Peeping, giggling, games "with stripping" (in the "family", "doctor", etc.) indicate that children of this age are already quite well aware of which parts of the body are considered intimate and that they should be hidden from people of the opposite sex and from the eyes of strangers. At first, this norm of social life evokes a feeling of protest in children. They seek to respond to it in the game.

Erotic games at this stage are completely normal. But this does not mean that the teacher should pretend that nothing is happening. You can not shame, punish, make a mockery of such games, but if you have witnessed such a game, then you must unambiguously stop it. It is necessary to form in children an idea of ​​the inappropriateness of such games in front of outsiders.

If you have witnessed child masturbation that is not of a neurotic-obsessive nature, it is better to delicately ignore what is happening here. In this case, the child realizes his right to receive pleasure without turning to strangers.

Erotic play is an interpersonal situation, and social norms operate in it, the knowledge of which the child must be taught by an adult. For a small child, this sense of adulthood is given precisely by the ability and ability to comply with the restrictions shared by the adult world.

At the oedipal stage, skills formed at the previous stage are often destroyed. For example, there is the problem of enuresis.

Enuresis is a neurotic symptom that can secondarily cause a child to feel permanently embarrassed and ashamed of his body. Children suffering from this symptom again find themselves strongly attached to their mother, fearing ridicule from their peers.

The symbolic meaning of enuresis is the unconscious call to the mother, the search for guarantees of her arrival at night. Such children often have too deep, "dead" sleep, not waking up even after urinating.

The general advice is to allow the child to get some of the pleasures of waking up at night on his own, without having to go to the mother. First of all, this is an independent control of the light: such a child must have local lighting within his reach. There should be some favorite toys, books, fruit or juice next to the bed. It is important to switch the child from the unconscious call to the mother to the conscious receipt of their own pleasures, replacing this call. Then the moment of awakening at night will be positively reinforced, and the timely emptying of the bladder will cease to be a problem. For these reasons, it is useless to try to tightly control the child's fluid intake in the evening.

Thus, the outcome of the oedipal stage is not only the assignment of a psychosexual identity by the child through role play, but also the formation of an infantile “concept” about the differences and relationships between the sexes, which creates the preconditions for the transition to the next stage of development.

4. Latent stage. Its beginning usually coincides with the beginning of schooling in most countries of the world. This becomes possible because the child has subject interests outside the parental "triangle". There is a desire to learn more about the world outside the family. Therefore, the intensity of the child's interest in sexual problems during this period decreases, which is why the stage is called "latent". This is a period of expansion of the child's social competence, his knowledge of the world of nature and human culture.

5. pubertal stage coincides with the onset of puberty. The resurgent inclinations again stimulate interest in the problem of sex, but on a new level.

The main task of this stage is the birth of emotional emancipation from parents in a teenager through the acquisition of the object of "first love". Of course, this problem cannot be completely solved in this period. It is important that a teenager feel the ability to love someone outside the family.

If in early youth a person easily refuses the object of first love, preferring the values ​​of child-parent relationships or relationships with peers of the same sex, then regardless of the level of his physiological maturity, we can talk about a delay in psychosexual development. The course and pace of psychosexual development cannot be controlled from the outside. There are hypersexual teenagers, with early and strong attraction, teenagers with moderately expressed, rather well controlled attraction, and asexual teenagers, showing more childish forms of behavior and interests. Those adolescents who “wake up” earlier and develop faster during puberty (puberty) are in a more “winning” position, because. among their peers, it is easier for them to gain the desired status and recognition, because they are more like adults than others. And the "immature" have to look for additional ways and means to establish themselves among "their own". Such a situation can lead to high anxiety, aggressiveness, behavioral disorders, a decrease or even distortion of self-esteem, isolation, and other problems.

In the course of sex education, as part of the general educational process, it is important to convey to the child's consciousness the main meaning of sexuality, which consists in connecting with a new force in a person's life. The one that, on the one hand, frees him from a narrow circle of child-parent addictions, and, on the other hand, allows him to establish a new dependence - on the person with whom he will move along the path of personal growth. This, in particular, is the meaning of marriage as a social institution.

It is already considered a proven fact that sexual satisfaction and mental well-being of an adult largely depend on the moral and psychological atmosphere of early childhood: trusting relationships with parents, mother, tolerant attitude towards nudity, the absence of strict prohibitions, the readiness of parents to discuss various problems of children, etc. .

Sex education is, first of all, the business of parents. Parents teach not by word but by example. As a rule, everyone in the family feels that one should be careful with sex. Sex is the cause of causes that brings forth new life, that pushes children to grow up and become independent. It is a bitter joy for parents to see their children as adults, to realize their attractiveness. Children realize that they will never be as close to their parents as parents are to each other. Then, someday, it will be necessary to part (R. Skinner). Therefore, it is very difficult to talk about sex in your family.

To push children to maturity is the need for the "right size" of sexual tension between parents and children: there should be no frigidity, no incest. When parents change roles (in everyday life, for example) or roles are unified, this confuses the child, because he must see that the parents are different and do different things.

A very important period is the oedipal stage of psychosexual development. Here the boy must, as it were, cross the symbolic bridge from mother to father (by about 2.5 years), and the father's wish to accept him into the male company is necessary. The father helps the girl to become more independent from the mother. If a girl for some reason (for example, a “cold” mother and a “warm” or admirable father) crosses the “bridge” to her father, then this may end in transsexualism. Difficulties in psychosexual identification in girls are also possible in cases where there is no father or he did not have a relationship with his mother. In this situation, the girl can develop masculine qualities to a greater extent, because. when she shows them, she symbolically “replaces” the mother’s male presence, and the mother “calms down” (i.e., becomes less irritated, anxious and tense), which, in turn, reinforces the “masculine” principle in the girl. In boys, transsexualism is possible if the mother did not take care to separate the child from herself in time (for example, when the mother is domineering or overly anxious, and the father is a complete "zero" in the family, or is overly strict, or simply does not love the boy) or, in general, completely ignored gender of the child (this happens in situations where the mother hard-programs herself to have a child of a strictly defined gender).

Using the metaphor of a symbolic "bridge" helps to understand a man's fear of a woman's power, i.e. fear of returning through the “bridge” and that there will be no strength to overcome it again. A man with normal development can play "baby" in order to return to "men" again. But if he is not able to recognize the need for affection, then he sees a threat in a woman. If the “crossing” of the symbolic bridge for the boy was fraught with any difficulties, then such a boy can grow up to be a man who is either afraid and shy of female society, or disguises his fear with dismissive, and even aggressively cruel treatment of the “weaker” sex. .

Those who sprawl across the bridge are more likely to fall into the camp of homosexuals. Female homosexuality occurs when the mother is possessive, and the father is "of little use", or "father-loser", "distant relative", or rude, unable to love. Homosexual men remain on the “bridge”, fearing their mother, but never making friends with their father: more than maternal fetters, the male jealousy of the father for his son is more frightening. So they remain on the bridge, striving for their father, but without turning to their mother, without being attracted to her, they will miss their woman from life.

So, normally, on the maternal shore, a little further from the mother, “feminine” girls, on the paternal side, “courageous” boys. Recall that everything we have just mentioned is just one of the ways to explain and understand how a person identifies with his gender.

During the oedipal stage, the best is the parental "emergency" position, which manifests itself in the following:

firstly, to take care of the child without leaving him;

secondly, parental relative position;

thirdly, with a caring and loving hand, close the door to your bedroom for the child. Otherwise, if the child has not experienced defeat in this sense, in the future he will unconsciously try to drown out the “call of sex”, which can be expressed in frigidity or impotence, including psychological. He will also be afraid of everything taken for success, because. it brings disaster. Returning to the stage of this love triangle, such a person will compete with someone of the same sex with him for the possession of someone of the other sex. This may explain the behavior of men and women who are attracted to married people, but who break the connection when something more arises. Thus, they protect themselves from a full-fledged relationship.

After the "bridge" is crossed, romantic relationships arise between parents and children of the opposite sex. Flirting parents with children is not dangerous. The details of what parents do in the bedroom do not concern children, but it is important for them to know that parents bring joy to each other.

During puberty, a growing child is aware of his sexual attractiveness and the attractiveness of his parents. It is important for teenagers to “experience” their sexual abilities. In this sense, parents are the best target. For example, a girl flirts with her father, as if trying her hand on him, in order to later apply them on a real object. For parents during this period, the main thing is to move on their own way. This task is easier if they have a good marital relationship.

It should be noted that teenagers are characterized by the so-called "dirty" talk about sex and looking at "dirty" pictures. Psychologically, this is the removal of emotional stress from sexual arousal, which cannot yet be satisfied in a natural way. From a psychological point of view, teenagers who do not have such conversations are more alarming.

In adolescence, when physical maturity is reached, the limitation of the sexual instinct is possible by giving it a personality-oriented character, which is what youthful romantic love for a person of the opposite sex serves.

About the role of the father. In its absence, boys have more problems in psychosexual development. For a father, it’s more important not how much time he stays “on stage”, but what he does on his way out. If the father behaves like a "model man", then in reality, he will not raise a real man. Only firm fathers, but loving, sympathetic, sharing the care of children, raise "reliable" husbands and "faithful" wives.

On the issue of the need for "premarital" sexual and sensual experience, there is no consensus and "correct" for all occasions. For example, R. Skinner, one of the leading foreign psychologists, is of the opinion that this experience is necessary, because. in this case, a person is gaining mind that it is not easy to find a partner and build a full-fledged relationship with him. And those who have not experienced anything expect the impossible from marriage. This point of view is not final, and let each young man and young woman decide for himself in accordance with his desires, aspirations and values.

In matters of sexual education, parents must be warned against extremes:

1) the more prohibitions and the more the “forbidden” force is suppressed, the more crushing it will be when it breaks through;

2) extremes should be avoided in talking about sex: when parents pour out facts, overcoming awkwardness, but are silent about feelings, and feelings are the main thing.

How to answer the tough questions of children:

It is necessary to kindly ask the child about what he already knows on this issue, and then, if necessary, correct and expand his ideas;

Explanations should be clear and understandable, without allegory and substitution with examples from the life of animals and plants;

Tell the truth at an understandable level, the content of the answer should be interesting to the child.

It is desirable that before entering school, the child has already received information about the difference between the sexes and procreation from parents or caregivers.

The problem of the first sexual contact is a very delicate issue, although today's youth solve it much easier than their parents.

Speaking about the first intimacy, as a rule, everything concentrates on the fears that accompany it. For young men, fears are more characteristic that nothing will work out, so they are more focused on technique, and not on a partner. Girls have general anxiety (“what will happen?”), Accompanied by fear of pain, anticipation of humiliation and censure, etc. fears.

As the main problems of the first proximity, the following can be noted:

1) the problem of psychological readiness for sexual intercourse, the presence of an emotional basis, intimacy of feelings;

2) the problem of "safety" from possible infections (which is especially important in the era of "revelry" of the AIDS virus) and from unwanted pregnancy, which implies informing about modern contraceptives.

I would like to note that in solving this problem, educational work carried out by parents, teachers and educators is of great, if not decisive importance.

The child, as we have already noted, masters his psychosexual role in various role-playing games. A child who has not formed adequate gender-role representations will inevitably encounter difficulties in communicating with peers of both his own and the opposite sex and will gradually begin to experience self-doubt.

Discussions often arise among educators about the appropriateness of war toys and war games for boys and toys like "Barbie dolls" for girls. This is due to fears that boys, for example, may grow up to be "militarists" and develop cruelty. In one city, they once staged such an action: children were invited to the central city square for a children's holiday, where they had to throw military toys into a common fire, and in return they were given soft toys.

From a psychological point of view, children learned a dubious lesson: having abandoned toys that symbolize a romantic attitude to courage and heroism (after all, for a child of 4-6 years old, there are still no concepts of death and murder in the adult sense of the word), they received reinforcement through a soft toy that corresponds to the needs of younger people. In this case, unconsciously, the child may conclude: “Adults want me to become a “baby” again. The previously experienced feeling of helplessness pushes the child to an aggressive attitude towards others. Thus, cultivating "peacefulness" with the help of such techniques, the effect can be quite the opposite.

In the oedipal phase, while playing with military toys, the boy appropriates the model of courage, fixed in myths, fairy tales and other cultural phenomena, inherent in a noble hero who upholds positive values. The weapon (magic sword or bow) is the main attribute available for use in the child's game, since other attributes (for example, physical strength) are not yet available.

Equally keen interest is the Barbie doll, unlike the "babies" and "kids". Playing with a "baby" or "baby" allows the girl to master the role of a mother caring for a child. This is an important, but not the only component of the female role.

Another side of the female role, already presented to the perception of a 4-5 year old girl, is the role of "beauty". For a long time, there was no toy in our market that meets the need of girls of this age to play "beauty" games. This need was manifested in mass “epidemics” of drawing princesses of the same type in kindergartens and the desire to change into mother’s elegant dress and high-heeled shoes.

A ban on the satisfaction of this need will inevitably distort the psychosexual development of the girl, make a split in her consciousness, create a sense of her own inadequacy: after all, in fairy tales, princes marry not “good mothers”, but beautiful princesses, with whom the girl identifies herself in her fantasies. Therefore, a ban on playing "beauty" is a ban on a child's fantasy of beauty and happiness.

This explains such a breathtaking success of the Barbie doll: after all, she is a real beauty, next to which a prince can appear (and other dolls cannot have a “groom”, but only brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers). Barbie is not just a tribute to fashion or a whim, but a toy that allows a girl to fulfill her dream, to become not only a mother, but also a princess, and meet her prince.

1. Psychoanalytic concept of child sexuality.

2. Body-sensual and spiritual-soul aspects of love.

3. Socio-psychological explanation of violations of the normal development of love and sexuality.

4. The main lines and stages of the child's psychosexual development.

5. The role of toys in the development of children's sexuality.

6. The formation of the child's psychosexual identity. The role of mother and father.

7. The meaning, goals and objectives of sexual education.

8. Prevention of diseases of the genitourinary system in preschoolers.

9. What neatness skills should be formed in children.

10. Raising romantic feelings in high school students.

11. Psychological difficulties of the first intimacy. Prevention of AIDS diseases in high school students.

1. Features of the formation of love in phylo- and ontogenesis.

2. Your model of communication with a child of 5-6 years old on the topic: “Where did I come from?”.

3. Sexual education in the conditions of the family and preschool institutions.

4. Stages of psychosexual development in classical psychoanalysis.

5. Significance of the early mother-child relationship for the normal psychosexual development of the child.

6. Family "script" and sexual education of the child.

7. The role of early psychotrauma in the occurrence of sexual disorders.

1. Bern E. Sex in human love. M., 1990.

2. Kocharyan G.S., Kocharyan A.S. Psychotherapy of sexual disorders and marital conflicts. M., 1994.

3. Freud A. Introduction to the technique of child psychoanalysis. M., 1991.

4. Isaev D.N., Kagan V.E. Sexual education of children. L., 1988.

5. Isaev D.N., Kagan V.E. Psychohygiene of sex in children. L., 1986.

6. Kagan V.E. Educator about sexology. M., 1991.

7. Kagan V.E. Sexual education of girls in the family. M., 1991.

8. Kolesov D.E. Conversations about sex education. M., 1986.

9. Kon I.S. Introduction to sexology. M., 1989.

10. Raumikhina G.N. Family world. M., 1986.

11. Rozin V.M., Shapinskaya R.N. The nature of love. M., 1993.

12. Cle M. Psychology of a teenager. psychosexual development. M., 1991.

13. Skinner R. Family and how to survive in it. M., 1995.

2.1. Goals, objectives, content of sexual education
Sex education is a process aimed at developing qualities, traits, properties, as well as personality attitudes that determine the attitude of a person towards members of the opposite sex that is necessary for society. Therefore, the sphere of sexual education includes not only such specific relations between male and female representatives, such as marital relations, but also any others: in social life, work, leisure, etc. Since the goals and objectives of sexual education are determined by the interests of the whole society, these interests should be taken into account in all aspects of sexual education, including in that part that directly concerns marital relations, since a person who cannot find himself in work and social life , will not be able to successfully establish itself in the sphere of personal life.
The goal of sex education in a modern school is, based on knowledge of the anatomy and physiology of the human generative system and its functions, to form in students a correct understanding of the essence of moral norms and attitudes in the field of gender relations and the need to be guided by them in all spheres of activity. Compliance with the norms of morality in personal relationships determines the morality of society as a whole. Understanding the essence of moral norms and attitudes in the field of gender relations and the ability to be guided by them in the field of communication determine the high level of spiritual and physical health of the country's citizens. To achieve the necessary social effect in the process of sexual education, it is necessary to solve a number of specific pedagogical tasks, which include education:
- social responsibility in the relationship between female and male people, the belief that in the sphere of intimate relationships a person is not independent of society;
- the desire to have a strong, friendly family that meets the modern requirements of society: equality of father and mother in the family, the birth of several children; a conscious and responsible attitude to their upbringing as their duty to society as a whole, their parents and children;
- the ability to understand other people and feel respect for them not only as people in general, but also as a male or female, the ability to take into account and respect their specific gender characteristics in the process of joint activities;
- the ability and desire to evaluate their actions in relation to other people, taking into account gender, to develop the concept of a good and bad deed in the sphere of these relations;
- a responsible attitude to one's own health and the health of other people, beliefs about the dangers and dangers of early sexual intercourse, about the inadmissibility of irresponsibility and frivolity in relations with persons of the opposite sex; the concepts of what is permitted and what is not permitted in these 1 respects;
- an adequate understanding of adulthood: its content, true signs, manifestations and qualities. In accordance with these tasks, every teenager should know at the level of his age the specific features of the opposite sex, consider them natural and logical, and understand the principle of equal rights for men and women. Ignorance of these features and unwillingness to take them into account are essential defects in education. Each student should be aware of the need to build their relationships with other people, taking into account their gender characteristics.
Every teenager should know that the preservation of spiritual and physical health is not only his personal business, but also a duty to society, to relatives and friends. On this basis, schoolchildren should be instilled with the belief that early sexual activity is harmful to the health of both themselves and their partners. Sex life itself does not pose such a threat.
Through sex education at school, the foundations of future harmonious marital relations are laid - an important factor in a full-fledged family, high efficiency and social activity, good mood, all that is necessary for a high level of spiritual health and mutual adaptation of future spouses.

Schoolchildren should have an idea about the main age-related features of their body, adequately respond to certain anatomical and physiological changes that occur during puberty (changes in appearance, signs of increasing activity of the gonads, etc.).
Every teenager should have a moral ideal of the family, an understanding of its value and necessity for a person, as the basis for well-being in life, maintaining health, facilitating, overcoming life's difficulties. A person experiences an objective need for everyday communication with family members, and no acquaintances, meetings, contacts can replace this communication.
It is necessary for a girl, a teenager, a girl to have a natural idea that she will have children, so that a girl, having entered into marriage, feels the need to have children in advance and consciously builds her life plans with this in mind. Instilling ideas about the proper number of children in a family, starting from primary school age, should be an obligatory element of the state's demographic policy, which can be implemented through the school.
In the process of sexual education, girls develop a natural, benevolent, devoid of wariness attitude towards boys, the ability to play together with them, communicate, and learn.
Adolescents should be characterized by an understanding and conscious attitude to the specific characteristics of their peers of the opposite sex, the ability to take into account and respect these characteristics, organize their joint activities on the basis of mutual understanding and mutual respect, assess their mental and physical state, the nature and nature of the changes taking place in it, correctly treat him. It is necessary that adolescents learn to understand the essence of the spiritual and physical beauty of a person and be able to correlate these two elements with the requirements for their own behavior and the behavior of other people. In addition, one should be conscious of the interest directed to a person of the opposite sex. Schoolchildren should have a desire for a conscious assessment of the personal qualities of the object of their interest, a desire to understand their feelings, not succumbing to the first impulse. It is necessary that love be perceived to a greater extent as an ethical and aesthetic phenomenon that develops on the basis of spiritual communication.
Sex education should be carried out using all traditional methods of pedagogical influence, without elevating it to the rank of something special, let alone mysterious. Not everything that matters for sex education can be used specifically, moreover, the deliberateness of some situations can interfere with the educational effect.
Information about sexual relationships can be verbal and (or) visual-figurative: a personal example, a specific situation in which the child is an actor or an observer. Effective in educational terms will be the information that does not remain at the level of memorization, but affects the emotional, ethical spheres of the individual.
The means of educational influence in sexual education include:
- timely reaction of adults to certain features of the behavior of adolescents, their relationships with peers of the opposite sex, emotional assessment of these features; an adequate response to certain manifestations of a teenager's sexual development, based on a solid knowledge of what is normal in his development and what is a deviation from the norm. Teachers must remember that their reaction to all these manifestations is one of the important ways of sex education;
- examples of the correct attitude of adults towards representatives of the opposite sex. Adults should not bring their conflicts to the attention of children, they should not clarify their relationship with them, etc. The teacher should draw the attention of schoolchildren to positive examples of the attitude of people of different sexes to each other, to mutual manifestations of love, attention and care of adult men and women , accompanying them with appropriate comments. This can be seen as a special method of sex education - education by positive examples. Examples can also be taken from works of fiction, cinema, etc.;
- communication to students in a certain way of oriented information both in response to their questions and on their own initiative, individually or in the form of specially organized conversations, classes, etc., as well as information included in the content of various academic subjects. This information can be conveyed both separately by gender, and jointly for boys and girls, boys and girls. Of great importance are the control over the literature being read, its discussion, and appropriate recommendations.
It is known that in order to consolidate certain educational influences, the corresponding activity of the educated person is necessary. The specificity of sex education lies in the fact that a person in any kind of activity cannot act as a being outside of sex. On the one hand, this means that any kind of activity can be used for sex education, on the other hand, that it is difficult to find any special kind of activity that should be specially organized or stimulated in the interests of sex education. Therefore, any type of student activity - work, communication, knowledge - can serve the interests of sexual education, if teachers give their assessment of the features of this activity not in general, but from the standpoint of the existence of two sexes, the importance and social value of a certain nature of the differences between them.
The information communicated to schoolchildren, regardless of whether it is an answer to a question or an activity, should be at a level that is accessible to their understanding, be natural in nature with an emphasis on the moral side, interesting and comprehensive enough for schoolchildren to be satisfied with it, correct in form, even if something is asked that is not quite decent from the point of view of the teacher, which is stimulating in nature, i.e. causing a desire to learn something new, to think about the moral and socially significant side of the relationship between male and female representatives.
The main principles of sex education are:
- its high ideological orientation;
- the unity of the educational efforts of the school, family and society, taking into account the circle of communication and ways of information of adolescents, the search and implementation of opportunities to influence them;
- full use for educational work of all the possibilities of school subjects, lessons, extracurricular activities, as well as their continuity and interconnection; the inseparability of sex education from other aspects of moral education, from all educational work;
- the complexity and systematic nature of educational influences in the interests of sexual education, their implementation, taking into account age and individual characteristics (teenage girls, girls) on the basis of benevolence, understanding, respect and exactingness. The ongoing sexual education is an important factor in preparing for independent life, including family life.
The content of sex education includes the following questions:
1) physiological, psychological, pedagogical characteristics of a teenager associated with gender; the significance of these features for relationships with other people in all spheres of human activity;
2) family and relationships in it;
3) the birth and upbringing of children, the continuity of generations.
When differentiating sex education for younger and older adolescents, the following should be taken into account:
1) the level of general development of the pupils, their ability to perceive, comprehend, analyze information of varying degrees of complexity;
2) their objective and subjective interest in obtaining certain information, both verbally expressed and in a visual-figurative form;
3) the nature of the activities of the educated, as well as the features of their behavior and relationships with representatives of their own and the opposite sex;
4) the level of "biological" maturity, the nature of physiological changes in the body;
5) the general patterns of the formation of a class team, as well as the specific features of the class;
6) features of relationships in the family and its influence on the pupils.
As noted above, the ways and methods of sex education are different. These can be special classes with students on specific topics, and various situations from life, and examples from fiction, history, etc.
Knowledge control:
1. Define sex education.
2. Define the goals of sex education.
3. Name the tasks of sex education.
4. What should the subject "Sexual education" teach schoolchildren?
5. What principles of sex education do you know? Name them.
6. What questions are included in the content of sexual education of schoolchildren?
7. Specify the means of educational influence in sexual education.
8. What parameters should be taken into account in a differentiated approach to the subject?

2.2. Ways of sex education
There are the following ways of sexual education associated with the transmission of norms of sexual and sexual behavior: the inheritance of traditions and customs, the transmission of the declarative and real aspects of everyday consciousness, literature and art, the media (press, radio, television, the Internet), lecture propaganda, scientific and popular literature.
The sexual education of the child is carried out by specific people with whom he communicates and who are the conductors of sexual education. In this capacity, not only parents, educators and teachers act, but also peers, figures of literature and art and other media workers - in a word, all those whose behavior and views related to gender may be in the sphere of attention of the child.
The family is the first educator in terms of time and closest to the child. Mothers usually play a decisive role in the development of children. However, it is necessary to think about the family, and not about one of the parents, as a caregiver. The contribution of mother and father is not determined by the quantitative measure "more or less", but significantly depends on the general atmosphere in the family, the system of relations between adult family members to each other and the child.
After the birth of a child, certain stereotypes are formed in the parents: they see in the child's behavior signs of conformity or inconsistency with what they think a boy or girl should be. Conformity is encouraged, inconsistency is resisted. Parents say or express their attitude with the words: “you are a boy, and boys ...”
It is believed that parents identify more with their child of the same gender and want to be a model for him more. The style of relations between the sexes is transferred to communication with children: fathers treat their daughters in a sense as little women, and mothers treat their sons as little men.
The desirability or undesirability of the sex of the child is important. Most eventually accept the actual sex of the child, but in some families, the resulting dissatisfaction with the sex can affect the attitude towards the child for a long time.
The role of the father should be presented to the child as a balanced, stable, strong friend of his wife and children. Restraint is expected from him in the manifestation of feelings, with their unconditional presence, a fair and impartial assessment of positive and negative events. At present, the role of the mother is changing: a woman often tries to dominate her husband and children.
In a harmonious family, the mother from an early age teaches the child “how ...”, and the father teaches “what ...”
Peers. They are the main source of information about gender differences and sexual behavior. This information is frank, realistic, but also very inaccurate, often trivialized. Of fundamental importance is the recognition of the existence of a special, hidden from the eyes of adults, children's subculture, indecent and secret children's erotic folklore. A characteristic feature of the children's subculture is its defiant opposition to the often overwhelming world of adults and even parody of this world, allowing children to feel their independence, to assert their norms and values. It is necessary to note the stability of the traditions of the children's subculture, passing from generation to generation, despite the struggle of adults with them.
It is in the environment of peers that the child can experience himself as a representative of the sex, to test the assimilated sex-role attitudes in communication.
Organized training and education. The pedagogical load does not increase because of sex education, since its main part can be dissolved in other subjects. Different levels of development and psychological profile of the individual should be taken into account. The transfer of the necessary general information to the children by the teacher should be distinguished by professionalism.
In preschool institutions, sex education is not carried out at all, only some educators intuitively implement a differentiated approach to boys and girls, focusing on the obligations of boys to help and yield to girls, not to offend them, to stand up for them. At the same time, it should be emphasized that the teacher faces a difficult task - to find ways that promote friendship between boys and girls and at the same time not hinder the process of sexual differentiation.

At school, as a rule, sex education consists in inviting a doctor to conduct conversations with adolescents. However, a doctor, even possessing the necessary information, does not always have the proper pedagogical experience, rather, he must act as a consultant for teachers, be an educator of educators, and teachers should still carry out the main work on sexual education of students.
Literature and art are specific means of cognition of the world, the content basis of which, one way or another, is the meaning of life and the place of man in it. Folk tales have never bypassed the issues of gender, sexuality, eroticism. For example: in fairy tales, the image of Baba Yaga is the image of a woman (physically) without the humanity inherent in women.
If fairy tales meet almost no obstacles on the way to the child, then with other literature and art the situation is more complicated. Currently, there is a stream of very different literature that carries any information on a sexual topic, mostly openly pornographic, which has overshadowed and pushed aside romantic, pure love to such an extent that even the mention of such feelings causes a sarcastic smile and distrust in adolescents. Works of world and Russian culture should be widely promoted, with the help of which to revive faith in great and bright love, educating schoolchildren in pure, trusting relationships between the sexes.
Popular science literature. Literature for adolescents is replete with miscalculations associated with ignoring the gender and age psychology of the reader, the lack of not only methodological, but also methodological justification. The leading tendency remains to replace questions of sex with general hygiene problems, and the question of how to conduct sex education is limited to formulations of a general type.
But sexology, psychohygiene of the sex, sex education is not a field of manifestation of the worldly wisdom of the authors, but a special field of theory and practice. We need a series of popular science publications on sexual education for all contingents of schoolchildren and adolescents, boys and girls. Lecture cycles for schoolchildren are needed that would cover such issues as the medical aspects of puberty, abortion, contraception, early pregnancy and its impact on the health of mother and child, sexually transmitted diseases, etc. The titles of such lectures should be businesslike, clear, devoid of attraction and playfulness. Lectures are also needed on the psychology of relationships between loving people and spouses. One of the typical difficulties is related to deciding whether the lectures for boys and girls should be joint or separate. This primarily depends on the topic of the lecture. Of course, girls should be told about the hygiene of the menstrual period separately, as well as boys about wet dreams and masturbations. But it is quite possible to give general questions to a mixed audience. Moreover, with the exception of an in-depth presentation of specifically “male” or “female” topics, work in a heterosexual audience is more successful and effective: it prepares for relationships on the basis of sufficient knowledge about the characteristics of people of one’s own and the other sex, removes a touch of bashful mystery from the discussion of psychosexual problems, stimulates a sense of mutual responsibility.
A teacher conducting sex education should be aware of his own attitude to the problems of sex and correlate it with the tasks and principles of teaching this subject.

Adult attitudes that interfere with proper sex education
Sex education is hampered by conflicts between adults and children, which increase significantly in adolescence and adolescence and are associated with the peculiarities of adults' reactions to the behavior of their children. The relationship between adults and children should be based on respect for the other person, even if it is still a very small girl or boy. Many adults tend to scold youth instead of understanding them correctly.
Sometimes adults in relationships with children are hindered by the lack of decentration - the ability to look at any situation from different points of view. This approach is based on the belief that the truth is always one and the adult is its acknowledged bearer. As a result, adults are unable to take a different point of view, at least for a while, to understand the motives of adolescent behavior. This is hindered by the fact that many adults cannot or do not want to remember themselves at a similar age, and if they do, it is only to emphasize that they were not like that, but better. Conflicts are facilitated by the desire to raise the child without fail, to pull him down for any reason, and the lack of a sense of humor.
The wrong reaction of adults to the manifestation of children's sexuality focuses the attention of children on these issues. It is absolutely clear that neither in sexual development itself, nor in any of its concrete manifestations, is there anything bad, good or bad, moral or immoral can only be an attitude towards them, including panic, which should be regarded either as a manifestation of deep ignorance, or as a sign of immorality.
Adults should help keep boys and girls away from sexual intercourse in order to preserve the beauty of friendly communication. Some teachers take the path of administrative struggle with love, establish all sorts of prohibitions, lower marks for behavior. Very often around the guilty, whose only fault is that they are friends, the teacher raises a fuss, creates public opinion, chastises them at a class meeting. The first friendship of boys and girls must be protected, but this does not mean simply taking a position of non-intervention. This friendship must be helped, directed, protected from vulgarity and dirt. Strictness in education is needed, but it must be smart, kind, fair severity.
On fig. 22 you can see a reflection of some of the "false ways" of sex education, witty noticed by H. Bidstrup.

Rice. 22. X. Bidstrup. attractive force

2.3. Modern models of sex education
It is accepted, at least in European countries, to distinguish between 3 models of sex education that embody the corresponding types of moral attitudes regarding sexuality.
Modern models of sex education are presented in Table 1.
Table 1
Model Content
Restrictive Less is more
Information content: you can’t do this and that because ...
This is the only good way
General tone: no!
Permissive Scope of information - all information
Information content: there may be the following ways...
All paths are good
General tone: yes!
"Golden mean" Necessary information: do it this way, and not otherwise, because ...
There are many ways - choose the best
Yes - but...

Restrictive (repressive) sex education is carried out in most Western countries, in particular in Italy. Familiarization of children with physical signs and manifestations of gender is considered undesirable; this is about exposure – even small children should not expose their genitals in public. Information about reproductive processes and functions is presented very gradually and carefully: they are recommended to be explained using examples of plants, not animals, in order to avoid premature ideas about the biological nature of human reproduction. Acquaintance with the bodily-physiological aspects of sex and sexuality is subject to the principle: it is better "too late" than the dangerous "too early".
Before young people develop a deep understanding of the essence and importance of family and marriage, discussion with adults (even educators) of the process of puberty, its difficulties, sexually transmitted diseases, non-traditional forms of sexual behavior, etc. is not accepted. Attempts by young people to achieve independence from their elders and get comprehensive information about sexuality are met with opposition: it is believed that knowledge stimulates interest in sexuality and causes a desire to experiment, and any hopes for warnings are unfounded: young people learn not warnings, but just what warn, and therefore no amount of upbringing guarantees a person from committing pedophilic, homosexual or violent acts.
The permissive (liberal) model of sex education is adopted, for example, in Denmark. Sexuality is understood as an important life value. For it to be perceived as such by all, education must prevent sexuality from being “grown” with guilt and help to free oneself from the anxiety that, thanks to old traditions, often colors experiences associated with sex. Young people have the right to independently and independently form acceptable and desirable moral and sexual norms, and those who conduct sex education should not impose their morality on young people. The only obligatory and cultivated norm is a sense of responsibility for the nature and consequences of sexual relations shared with another person. The moral duty of all is to bear responsibility for the birth of unwanted children, in connection with which birth planning and the use of contraceptives are promoted, artificial abortion is morally condemned. Providing the younger generation with information about sex and sexuality in the light of ethical and social values ​​is the responsibility of organized education, while the formation of moral attitudes towards sexual behavior is seen as primarily a matter for the family.
The strategy and tactics of the "golden mean" define sex education in a number of European countries, including Poland. It is designed to help avoid disappointment and harm to others in sexual relationships in general and in the family in particular, to facilitate personal and psychosexual development, to soften the transition to adulthood so that the fulfillment of emotional and sexual needs does not violate basic social norms and the well-being of other people. A society for which love, marriage, and the family is a matter of deep interest and not just a private affair of each, has the right and the duty to regulate and define the limits for the sexual behavior of people.
It is important to establish new civilized norms of morality, including sexual ones, and for this it is necessary to help people free themselves from false fears, sanctimonious prejudices, prejudices, obsolete prohibitions. The more freedom given to members of society, the more mature and responsible they should be. Ethical norms in the field of sexuality must be carefully formulated and aimed at achieving a harmonious balance between the specific requirements of the family and social and industrial life, between the satisfaction of sexual needs and the serious responsibility for the family and marriage.
The existing "usual" practice of people is not a sufficient basis for the formation of social informal ethics - uncritical acceptance by society for one reason or another of the widespread practice of relations between the sexes would mean a rejection of influence on young people. A positive attitude towards sexuality is one of the basic principles of social ethics. The moral value of a partnership does not depend on its relationship to law and religion: neither legal nor church marriage guarantees mandatory moral behavior.
Permissible sexual activity is determined by age and characteristics of physical, mental and socio-moral needs. Early sexual relations are bad and unacceptable insofar as they can interfere with the interests and well-being of partners and a child born in an immature relationship, and not in themselves. Masturbation, petting are not morally condemned. The fidelity of partners to each other ceases to be identified with sexual exclusivity, which is seen as mandatory for marriage, but does not exclude a wider and more liberal understanding; requirements in this regard for men and women should not differ. The basic moral principle of sexual behavior in or out of marriage is that any type of sexual relationship is morally acceptable if it corresponds to the desires and attitudes of mature and morally responsible people who act without external or internal pressure.
None of these models is worse or better than the other. In the permissive model, which seems to be fraught with sexual anarchy, sexual behavior is placed on a par with all other types of behavior and is therefore subject to the general laws of social and moral regulation. The rigid restrictions of the restrictive model are balanced by the belief that human nature still "takes its toll". The model of the "golden mean" does not completely dissolve the individual in society and the sexual in the social, it becomes the subject of discussion what is implied in the permissive and restrictive models, due to the tacit "agreement about the reticence": it involves a dialogue between the individual and society with the responsibility of society for the fate of the individual. Acceptance of these social patterns is governed by individual attitudes towards sexuality and sex education.
In our country, the development of the problems of mental hygiene of the sex and its implementation in the form of sexual education were carried out very unevenly in different years. Although Freudianism as a system did not find distribution in our country, some of its provisions affected the positions of researchers and educators. The construction of sex education was largely determined by the heated discussion that unfolded between pedology and created by A.S. Makarenko pedagogical system. The value of the theory of A.S. Makarenko, the creator of the Soviet system of collective education, is widely known. However, at some stages of the development of pedagogy, A.S. Makarenko was presented as an opponent of sexual education in general, citing as evidence taken out of the context of his works phrases related to particular aspects of the methodology of sexual education. Assessing the views of A.S. Makarenko on sexual education, one should take into account a number of specific historical circumstances determined by his experience:
1) these views were formed not in a collision with sex education, but in the fight against its distortions generated by the peculiarities of the time and pedology;
2) the results of “sex education” that A.S. Makarenko among his pupils, who went through the school of homelessness and asociality, could not help but be alarmed, as well as some extreme trends in sexual education in the family;

3) the brilliant organization of the children's collective - this extremely strong educational environment - removed many questions of the direct personal participation of adults in sexual education as an educational dialogue with each individual child.
Taking into account at least these circumstances, A.S. Makarenko on the organization of the collective as the main means of sexual education. Finally, we must not forget that it was A.S. Makarenko formulated the basic principle of sexual education as an aspect of moral education: “As in all his life, so in the life of a sexual person cannot forget that he is a member of society ... And in the sexual sphere, this public morality presents to each citizen certain requirements ... It requires that the sexual life of a person, every man and every woman, be in constant relation to two areas of life: to the family and to love ... From this the goals of sex education are clear. We must educate our children in such a way that they can enjoy sexual life only out of love and that they realize their pleasure, their love and their happiness in the family.
Since the mid 60s. increased attention to the family, the extent to which it fulfills its social functions, and from the beginning of the 70s. the need for a serious scientific study of the problems of family, gender and sexuality becomes obvious (A.N. Obozova, 1984). The main provisions of this new stage were formulated by I.S. Kohn (1966), who emphasized, in particular, the existence of a number of objective conditions for changing moral norms (an increase in the gap between sexual and social maturation, urbanization, a decrease in the share of the family as a factor in socialization, a double standard crisis), the naivety of ideas about the "natural" norms of sexual morality and the need for a systematic development of the problems of gender and sexuality for pedagogy. Distinctive features of this ongoing phase are the development of interdisciplinary sexological study and the rationale for practical sex education.
Conducting organized sex education in schools resumed in different parts of the country at different times. Thus, in Estonian schools, a personal hygiene course, which included issues of gender and sexuality, was introduced in 1967. Subsequently, in the Baltic republics, in a number of cities (Moscow, St. School curricula introduced various forms of sex education: courses on the "Fundamentals of the Family and Family Education", optional courses, circles and clubs that covered the topics of love, marriage, gender and sexuality in their activities. Separate elements of preparation for family life were included in the work of subject teachers. Since 1983, compulsory courses "Hygienic and Sexual Education" in the 8th grade and "Ethics and Psychology of Family Life" in the 9th and 10th grades have been introduced into the programs of the country's general education schools (except for special schools), manuals for teachers have been published and students.
Thus, organized sex education becomes mandatory and ubiquitous. The introduction of sex education is carried out with the degree of gradualness and prudence, which is determined by the regional cultural characteristics and traditions of each nation and nationality, sex-related stereotypes of mass consciousness, the training of teachers and educators, and, finally, the fundamental circumstance that the creation of an adequate system of sex education is not endures assaults and is a task for the long term.
At the end of the presentation of the theoretical foundations of sexual education, it is necessary to say about the significance of this knowledge for young people, backed up by the following formula:

PZ + OZOIO
NB
AIDS
VZ

Where PZ - puberty - the state that completes the puberty of adolescents, the ability to have sexual relations, to be responsible for their actions;
OZOIO - lack of knowledge about intimate relationships between men and women and their consequences;
NB - unwanted pregnancy;
AIDS - acquired immunodeficiency syndrome;
VZ - venereal diseases.
The task of a modern teacher in conducting sexual education is to give all the necessary knowledge in order to exclude consequences that can cripple the fate of a young person, undermine his health or lead to an incurable disease.

Knowledge control:
1. What models of sex education do you know?
2. Describe the features of each model of sex education.
3. Advantages and disadvantages of each of the models of sex education.
4. Which model, in your opinion, is the most perfect? Why?
5. What do you know about the history of the development of the subject "Sex Education" in Russia?
6. The importance of the family in the implementation of sexual education of children and adolescents.
7. Describe the role of peers in the process of sexual education.
8. Sex education at school.
9. Significance for sexual education of popular science and health education literature.
10. Incorrect attitudes of adults that interfere with sex education.

Chapter 3
ANATOMY, PHYSIOLOGY AND HYGIENE OF THE GENITAL ORGANS

3.1. The concept of gender. Dioecious
The vital activity of an organism consists in the implementation of three generalized functions: growth, development and differentiation; adaptation and reproduction, as well as a whole system of private and complex functions (respiration, digestion, excretion, etc.) - Each of these functions is a function of the whole organism, however, reproduction, in comparison with the first two, is associated with the presence of two groups of cells in the body: somatic (bodily) and actually reproductive (sexual).
Representatives of almost every animal species are divided into two sexes - male and female - having the same life processes, but complementing each other in the reproduction of offspring. In the biological, social and psychological sciences, the concept of sex is ambiguous. In the strict sense of the word, sex is a combination of morphological and physiological features of an organism that ensure sexual reproduction, the essence of which is ultimately reduced to fertilization.