I told you the place is damned. Damned place: why is the Swedish president leaving Avtovaz I told you the damned place

The Germans bought AvtoVAZ and decided to produce Mercedes. We brought in our expensive equipment, checked the drawings, and launched the conveyor. At the exit - "Zhiguli". In panic, the Germans dispersed all the Russian workers, brought in their own. They try again - again "Zhiguli". Another attempt is in vain. Nearby, on a hillock near the plant, are the former general director and chief designer. A seasoned engineer, pulling on, pushes the boss in the side and notes with a smile: "I told you that the place is damned, and you are all: hands from an ass, hands from an ass"

Ukrainian basketball is not a name, not a status, not a species or even an aggregate state. Time after time one wonders how he still didn’t bent on the sidewalk at all, and there are practically no intelligible answers, except for suspicions about the benefits of corruption schemes, except for standard conversations about enthusiasts who care about the idea itself. In essence, playing with an orange ball in this country is like a miserable insect that big guys from any government can easily crush (recall the case of the Euroleague in Kiev, for two years already collecting sold out in the "Palace of Sports", or the confrontation between Firtash and Tymoshenko), but it still adapts to new difficulties and continues not so much life as a miserable existence from subsidies to subsidies from those for whom it is nothing more than just a toy.

The Ukrainian national team has no place on the Eurobasket. She completely failed the selection, there is no interest in her, there is no trust inside, there are practically no prospects

The Ukrainian national team has no place on the Eurobasket. She completely failed the selection, there is no interest in her, there is no trust inside, there are practically no prospects, there is no class, there are no performers who can adequately fight at the championship of the Old World. She is simply not ready for such a tournament, and the fiasco in this area did not come yesterday, and not even a week ago. Preparations for this kind of competition should have begun fifteen years ago, when the ruins of the world-famous Soviet school worked not just for wear and tear, but generally barely dragged their own legs. Therefore, in a country where there has always been a place for gifted performers, a classic failure was organized: a couple of sprouts made their way through the asphalt and got the status of players of a good continental level (Drozdov and Lishchuk), a few more have / had the makings to crawl to them (Gladyr, Pecherov, Fesenko), and beyond them there is simply an abyss, not so much at the human level as in the issue of a complex of talent, preparation, self-confidence. All this is not laid down in twenty-five years and, as a result, "the rest of the world" is no more than just hostages of the time in which they were born.

Mike Fratello is the best thing that has happened to Ukrainian basketball since the time of Alexander Okunsky. Many reacted to the appointment of an American Specialist from a capital letter with a great deal of skepticism and hostility, and when they learned about the financial component, they were completely indignant. When the general public became aware that this invitation turned out to be the initiative of a certain number of private structures and the persons behind them, everything calmed down a little, but the cries of “what would be better if you built playgrounds for children” still do not subside. The mentality makes everyone happily share other people's money when their wallet is covered in kilometer-long holes. However, these people give in to emotions too much, forgetting about the realities. The characters who pay for this event could safely buy themselves a sixth yacht, a fifteenth house, an eighteenth and twenty-third car, go to Monte Carlo and frolic in local casinos, in general, spend serious financial investments to satisfy exclusively their vital needs, and no one would dare to influence their decision. Nevertheless, they made such a "knight's move", and it should not be assessed solely on the basis of the result of performance at the upcoming tournament, it is not on the surface, it is deeper.

I still remember Valentin Melnichuk's press conference after the saving sixth game in the battle for relegation and relegation. Then the man, who recently brought the Portuguese beach team to EuroBasket and managed to make a lot of noise with it at the continental championship, admitted that he simply did not want to drive himself into the grave, because such disgusting conditions that he had in the then national team I have never seen it in my life, despite the fact that I have worked for many years and under various regimes “above”. And it is not only possible, but also necessary to understand. Unlike crooks, parasites or just generalists who talk at every corner about how to soak tram sleepers, people of the old school work with their hearts, because they grew up and got on their feet under different principles, for them a word and a promise mean much more than the signature on the contract. Now the national team has got what it never had. She found ground and a foothold under her.

The guys who have been forced to work with people who do not meet international standards and requirements all their lives have gotten a real chance to work in the system that real professionals preach. Names and principles are important here, and they both provide invaluable experience. Brian Hill will forever go down in history as the only coach who managed to beat “Chicago” Michael Jordan and Phil Jackson in the era of the “golden nineties”, when they were already smelling the taste and smell of enemy flesh and blood. Last summer Ed Pinckney and Tom Thibodeau drove the Bulls in such a way that Joaquim Noah thought he was not in the location of the NBA team, but in a military camp. Result?

His team won the regular season with a sub-optimal squad, and Derrick Rose became the "most valuable player" in the strongest league in the world, not to mention the rest of the specialists or Fratello himself, who challenged the "Symbolic team of all Eighties Stars" based in Boston. Even the status of these people should force any athlete to sit and listen attentively to every word, work in training with tripled energy and memorize not only the basics of their vision, but even every, albeit the most elementary exercise, its duration and requirements ...

It is due to this that the Ukrainian team will try to neutralize at least a minimal, but still part of all those mistakes that have been made over the past one and a half, or even two decades. It is impossible to fix everything, it is impossible to teach the player to think and quickly adapt to what is happening around him in forty workouts and three friendly tournaments, but this is already a shift from the dead center.

You need to really look at things: representatives of the "yellow-blue" squadron will not get to any Olympics, the World Championships are not particularly bright for them, even in the first approximation, and therefore, even if they are, innovations are worth the money invested in them, because they will give much more soil for progress than five years of playing practice in the dead national championship. Therefore, all the basketball players of the “interested party” are allowed through this method, even having the steering club presenting the “checkbook” in the coaching staff, so that he also learns and applies it in practice already in the coming season. Whoever dines on a girl dances her. This is one of the foundations of capitalism.

I could have believed in leaving the group with a full-fledged composition and the name of Fratello in the protocol. Due to point decisions, the leadership qualities of individual men and dedication, this could be achieved with the help of super-efforts, but the story of the loss of the two best players on the "wings" in this team hit hard both on its prospects and on the results of the work of those people, who began to sail on a long voyage a rusted and leaky boat without oars, an engine or a sail.

The situation with Drozdov and his possible / probable disqualification once again underlines the entire flaw in Ukrainian basketball as a phenomenon. Arthur is no longer 23 or 25, and has only a couple of good productive years in his career. Everything else, given his history of injuries, is a will of fate.

The situation with Drozdov and his possible / probable disqualification once again emphasizes the entire flaw in Ukrainian basketball as a phenomenon

Only unlike the characters who have always been registered in the ranks of the federations and committees, no one has guaranteed anything to him after the end of his career, and he, like any self-respecting athlete, thinks about how to create a financial reserve for himself, to ensure a more or less human future, which is extremely important for a third world country like Ukraine.

And if a professional athlete, faced with a choice: to sign an agreement in a healthy state or go to the national team and break down again, as it was before, risking not only losing a significant amount of money, but also subjecting his health to another test, chooses the first, publicly admitting his guilt for this "act" in front of the headquarters of the national squad and the fans, then any kind of dismissal looks just idiocy.

Or, perhaps, the governing bodies have a stamped piece of paper, which is a kind of debt obligation? “I, the undersigned, borrow five million dollars and undertake each time to come to the headquarters of the national team within two days of the call with the requirement to provide me with a separate bed, wardrobe and three meals a day at the expense of the Federation. Date. Surname. Signature". There's no such thing? So do not fool yourself or others.

The loss of Gladyr, the first defender in a long time, who combines a throw, athleticism and the ability to lower the ball to the floor and drag it around the court a little, and completely sent the community of a few basketball fans into a state of shock. This feeling arose not only because of the problematic position, but because of the look towards the career of the player himself, who, instead of progressing in a strong championship, is forced to fight his far from minor sores.

Fratello had practically no choice left. He will try to crush the opponents in front with the help of aggressive actions from the "big"

Fratello had practically no choice left. He will try to push the rivals in front with the help of aggressive actions from the “big ones”, actively load and feed them, trying to punish the rivals for “pulling” with the help of open long-range shots and transfers from inside to the perimeter. Serious problems for this team begin when Ukraine stops using light, uncomplicated combinations, which will be happily smashed by a more or less collected and prepared opposing team. There is no mutual understanding and response directly on the floor. No echo is heard. The head coach tried to partially solve this problem by "naturalizing" American defender Burtt, but only partially.

First, Steven's play style has little to do with positional play, as he is a classic aggressive scoring guard who loves to work one-on-one and loves to use exchanges to his advantage. Secondly, the very process of "Ukrainization" of this guy, to put it mildly, "with a smell", because according to the laws of Ukraine, a person counting on obtaining citizenship must live in the country for at least five years. In 2006, he was still running in Greece, in 2007 he scored 68 points at Rucker Park, and more recently he believed that five million people live in the country for which he will or will not compete on Eurobasket. Be that as it may, the American-born defender is the person who is best acquainted with the requirements for basketball that the "Tsar" is trying to put forward, he is his mouthpiece on the court.

Lishchuk is what in America is called "Heart and Soul", a real leader and soul of the team

In the front line, Fratello has two "big" packages: some have experience in the NBA, the second - no. Finding successful combinations between them is one of the main tasks of the coaching staff for the tournament. The problem is that each of the representatives of this four has very serious rough edges. Lishchuk is what in America is called “Heart and Soul”, a true leader and soul of the team, a professional to the core, the one who will try to drag the team along with the baggage of his injuries and injuries. Sergei's condition after another injury still causes some concern. Kravtsov simply does not think quickly enough on the site that with the slightest loss of concentration it ends about what Turkoglu did a few years ago... Fesenko is simply not quite suitable for European basketball, because it was "broken and rebuilt" for other purposes, and Pecherov ...

It is called “soft”, some people dare even use the word “rag”, and one cannot say that these people are crazy, the difference in sensations is too great. It was his weak character that predetermined his career in the NBA and Europe, what pushed many teams away from him, but sometimes a completely different player wakes up in him, the one who, getting angry and no longer afraid of contact, literally pulled the Ukrainian national team into Division A by the ears then, when everyone, including myself, had already listened to the third movement of Chopin's second sonata and took it for granted. The funeral march marched with honor across the country. If the coaching staff or Alexei himself succeeds in returning those amazing motives and emotions, the “yellow-blue” ones will receive a wonderful and very important impetus that can throw them out of the abyss. This is the real X-Factor, and not the nonsense that is being played around the zombie box.

Nevertheless, as many understand, the most important element in this team is Mike Fratello. He lost his youthful enthusiasm, he has aged quite a bit outwardly, but agility has been replaced by wisdom, and his hair is gray. “Tsar” is not just a top coach at this tournament (if not the best at all), but also one of the most tactically competent mentors on the entire planet. This is a person who is able to win a match with one or two correctly chosen combinations. Remember the opening match of the Kiev tournament, when the national team lost the rhythm and seemed to be completely extinguished, he drew a rally in which three players could finish the attack at once (Bertt from the right corner after a run, Gladyr from the middle or from under the ring using pick-and-roll, and (See also Lishchuk from a distance or with an "addition"), which broke the opponent's defense, because she was unable to orient herself and understand from which basketball player she should expect the main damage. These are point decisions that win difficult meetings, and if the Ukrainian national team has a couple of time-outs in an equal ending, basketball players in national colors will only have to do what he will present them on a silver platter. And it's a matter of interaction, self-confidence and skill. They will have soil, the rest depends solely on each of the basketball players.

I want to believe that Fratello is a magician who, together with his coaching staff, can fill all the gaps in Ukrainian basketball.

The level of this team without Drozdov and Gladyr is one victory in the group. Anything more than this indicator will be achieved solely thanks to dedication and the implementation of an advantage on the coaching bench. There is not the slightest sense to raise the topic of entering the Olympic Games, in society it is customary to call it "show-offs for newcomers."

I want to be wrong, to believe that Fratello is a magician who, together with his coaching staff, can fill all the gaps in Ukrainian basketball. I would like to hope that some of the players of the national team will reveal themselves in a new light at this championship, that Pecherov will be angry, that Bertt will enter the mode of hunting for forty or fifty and pull it by the ears, that the national team will make a fuss at the continental championship.

But, living in this country, knowing about all the disadvantages and about many pitfalls and trends, you again remember the Germans and AvtoVAZ. None, even the most talented and capable professionals with a big name, are able to clean up all this nightmare, garbage accumulated over two decades, in such a short time, no matter how much money they receive for it and what conditions are created for them. The guilt of the same performers is that they practically do not perform in the international arena and have seen the huge stands filled only three to five times in their careers, also at least. Where, then, can we get the trivial ability to cope with their pressure, for example?

Earlier it was necessary to think, but now I want to say again, which has become a classic: "I told you that the place is damned ...".

All that remains is to put on a T-shirt with symbols and it is silly, childishly to believe in miracles.

Avtovaz has been unable to conduct a crash test of Lada Kalina for several months in a row: the dummy will either have time to jump out, or press the brake.

The Minister of Transport reports to Putin at a meeting of the Cabinet of Ministers on Avtovaz:
- I have two news, good and bad.
1. bad - there was a fire at Avtovaz!
2. good - EVERYTHING BURNED !!!

The Mercedes company bought the AvtoVAZ plant.
Reconfigured production, start the conveyor ...
Bam! at the exit of the Zhiguli!
They dismantled the equipment, brought new ones from Germany, installed, adjusted, started up.
Zhiguli again !!!
Fuck all the staff of the plant, they bring workers from Germany, set them up, check them, start them up.
STSUKO! At the exit again - Zhiguli!
There is a hill near the plant, on it the chief engineer and the director of the plant (both with the prefix "ex") are resting. Look at it all.
Engineer to director:
- And I told you - the place is damned! And then all "hands from the ass, hands from the ass" ...

Starting next year, AvtoVAZ and Renault are jointly going to start selling Lada in the UK. hope that the British will buy cars as "budget", at about 5,000 pounds per typewriter.
On this occasion, the Daily Mail published a selection of English jokes about Lada.
1. What do Lada and a bathroom have in common? Neither one nor the other should be crawled out in public
2. What is the name of the Lada that drove to the top of the hill? Miraculously
3. What are the shock absorbers called in Lada? Passengers
4. What is the name of the Lada with two exhaust pipes? Wheelbarrow
5. Did you know that the manual for Lada is 500 pages long? 2 on how to use the car and 498 with bus timetables
6. What is the name of a Lada with working brakes? Tuned.

The German arrived in Russia at AvtoVAZ. He walks and looks at everyone's hands.
One could not resist, asks the translator:
- What is looking at your hands?
Interpreter:
- He bought a Zhiguli in Germany, so he looks: maybe you have something wrong with your hands.

Naive Russians believe that under the recycling program, they get rid of old rubbish. No, AvtoVAZ is getting rid of it.

"We will transfer all officials to domestic cars!"

I wanted good music: Mozart, Bach ... At the request of the "classic", the search engine offered Moscow prostitutes and AvtoVAZ dealers.

What is common between the general director of Mercedes and the general director of AvtoVAZ? .. They both drive Mercedes.

AvtoVAZ recalled all cars due to technical problems at all nodes, AvtoVAZ recalled all cars produced since the company's existence. Money to the owners will be reimbursed in the ratio of 1p. 30kop. per 1 kg of car.

News: from 2012 AvtoVAZ will produce wheelchairs!
- And what does the plant do now?
“They are building a customer base for future production.

The engineers of Avtovaz at the Dmitrov training ground proved that four tall men in the Oka increased the rigidity of the body several times.

- In fact, you can weld without a mask. First you set a target, then you close your eyes, turn on the machine and cook.
- It looks like they do this at Avtovaz.

General Motors is recalling about 1.5 million vehicles due to a defect in the wiper heating system.
AvtoVAZ does not understand at all what it is about

From the instructions for the VAZ car - at the time of the accident it is not recommended to be in the car.

The General Director of AvtoVAZ was awarded the Order of the Legion of Honor for his invaluable contribution to the promotion of French cars on the Russian market.

Judging by the sculptures without the head and hands, the designers of AvtoVAZ have been known since ancient times.

At AvtoVAZ, a Lada-Kalina was mysteriously stolen from the assembly line.
They did not look for her, because the thief punished himself.

In one of the interviews, the management of AvtoVAZ said that AvtoVAZ is a living organism.
They themselves did not understand how right they were. This organism feeds on metal, glass, plastic and rubber, and at the exit, like any living organism ...

Drivers of a VAZ car can endlessly look at three things: how the antifreeze flows, how the headlight does not burn and how others overtake them!

In the competition for the name for the new car of AvtoVAZ, the name “Evpatiy Kolovrat” won - it is this combination of letters that most accurately reflects the design and driving characteristics of the product.

Only one boy in the Eaglet camp was not scared when in the evening in the ward they told a horror story about a coffin on wheels, because his dad worked at AvtoVAZ.

AVTOVAZ is going to produce a "budget" car LADA 2190. In front it looks like "Priora", in the back - "KALINA". The whole world is going to come up with the name. And what is there to think - "PRIKOLINA".

New Year's action from AvtoVAZ!
Lada Kalina in the "Shaman" package with a special compartment for a tambourine and a mallet! For professionals only!

AvtoVAZ. Reconfigured production, start up the conveyor - but at the exit "Zhiguli"! They dismantled the equipment, brought new ones from Germany, installed, adjusted, started up ... "Zhiguli" again! The entire staff of the plant is dismissed, workers are brought from Germany, they are adjusted, checked, started: the same "Zhiguli" are at the exit! There is a hill near the plant, the chief engineer and the plant director (both with the prefix ex) are sitting on it, looking at all this, and the chief engineer says to the director:

- And I told you: damn place! And that's all: "crooked hands, crooked hands!"

Last week, the joke turned into reality for the Swedish president of Avtovaz, Bo Andersson. It became known that he wrote a letter of resignation and was going to leave Russia. This will be the largest dismissal of a foreign top manager in Russia since 2008, when, in the midst of a scandal, the head of TNK-BP, Robert Dudley, was actually expelled from Russia, who was not extended his work visa.

A week earlier, in the comments of the Wall Street Journal, the general director of Rostec (the owner of the blocking stake in Avtovaz) Sergey Chemezov attacked Andersson with sharp criticism not only in connection with the concern's losses (74 billion rubles in 2015), which he explained by the preference of foreign suppliers to the detriment of Russian, but also with many thousands of job cuts, which led to protests at the end of last year. “The tension [in Togliatti] was growing,” Chemezov told the newspaper. “I told him several times to be more careful, but he didn’t understand.” In other words, Andersson did not show enough patriotism in terms of import substitution and loyalty in understanding local realities.

However, as usual in Russia, when patriotism is pressed, it is probably about something else. Yesterday's report from the factory in the Financial Times clarified the situation, which claims that the reason for Bo Andersson's dismissal was his tough efforts to deal with a corrupt and inefficient supply chain: “Since Soviet times, everything - from selling parts to a factory to selling cars - has been big. a cake that is controlled by a group of people with whom it is better not to get involved. " “The problem of Avtovaz is not so much the legacy of socialism, but the deep-rooted criminal structures,” the newspaper quotes an anonymous foreign manager of an unnamed automobile company.

Supply chains were burdened with Russian companies that issued huge invoices but did not produce goods. Largely due to cutting off such fake suppliers, Bo Andersson five years earlier managed to reform GAZ, bringing it from losses of $ 120 million to a profit of $ 1 billion in the first year.

Andersson began to pursue the same policy with local suppliers of Avtovaz.

Former adviser to the Minister of Economic Development Andrei Belousov Yan Khanov recalls in an interview with FT that Andersson (an awkward man who was a career army officer himself) in 2014 was forced to walk around Togliatti with armed guards: “He had to meet with officials who threatened him if certain parts will not be used. The business there is inherited and run by families, and no one wants to lose it. "

Some suppliers began to deliberately delay deliveries, which repeatedly led to the stop of the conveyor. Bo Andersson took up the challenge and ended contracts with those who were unable to deliver their products on time and at a lower cost. And when Rostec tried to lobby for the purchase by Avtovaz of one of the suppliers, OJSC United Automotive Technologies, Andersson opposed this deal, thereby making himself an enemy in the person of Sergei Chemezov. Another local supplier, Avtovaz aggregat, is now going through bankruptcy proceedings.

As a result of these measures, the number of officially registered unemployed in Togliatti increased from 2,700 to almost 10,000 people, although the communists - the organizers of the recent rallies against the policy of the concern, speak of 20,000. Pressure from the local administration, suppliers and sales agents reached the leadership of Rostec. as a result of which the premature resignation of the Swedish manager happened. According to Vedomosti, the shareholders are going to change the management structure of Avtovaz. In the summer, a candidate from Rostec may be elected chairman of the board of directors of the company, who will interact with the authorities and oversee social issues - that is, deal with more familiar things for a Russian business executive, and not purely market issues, like Bo Andersson.

Ah, simple-minded Swedes, children of harsh northern forests and Protestant pastors! Faced with the fluid Russian reality, they try to change it - and someone leaves himself, like Andersson, and someone breaks down, like his compatriot Per Kaufman, IKEA director for Central and Eastern Europe, who was fired in 2010 on suspicion of giving a bribe: IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad is said to have cried as he kicked out his closest associate. Lennart Dahlgren, the former director of IKEA for Russia, wrote about these collisions the book “How I conquered Russia, and she conquered me”. And they just had to learn Pelevin's theorem from the novel "Generation P" (it is also the basic economic law of the post-socialist formation), which reads: costs regardless of the allocation of resources and idle bazaars ”.

In other words, foreign investors and managers should understand that the purpose of economic activity in Russia is not the production of goods and services and not making a profit in the conditions of market competition, but the non-market appropriation of public and private resources (the slickers call it theft), during which the quality of side activities are the same goods. And then they would see that a huge car factory may not be a spherical market agent in a vacuum, but a giant feeding trough, the main purpose of which is to feed supply chains, managers, regional and federal officials with affiliated firms, relatives and customers, "friends and acquaintances of the rabbit." ... On the other hand, the plant feeds a large monotown - both from its social obligations (albeit largely fictitious, but symbolically significant), and from its resources: fellow sociologists in Togliatti testify that the "garage economy" in the city, based on trade spare parts, has thousands of services and itself is almost more than the main production at the plant, where people sit on compulsory leave for months - so the unemployment figures of 20,000 people are somewhat disingenuous. They also say that suppliers came to meetings with Andersson in a Bentley and, grinning, said that there was no money to modernize production.

In this sense, Avtovaz primarily produces the same Pelevin transaction costs, spatial, political and social hierarchies, traditional mechanisms of resource redistribution, in which losses are nationalized and profits are privatized. And only secondarily, he is concerned about the production of cheap and competitive cars: why bother if import duties, state subsidies and national habits will maintain minimal demand for a long time and the budget will never abandon socially significant production and a strategic national product in trouble. The Swede encroached on the sacred. If he wouldn’t calm down, work well with people, go into the scheme, get on a budget, receive kickbacks at 40% - he would have arranged a retirement island for himself in the Stockholm archipelago with a yacht 100 feet long ago. Or in the seas farther south, where morals are milder, they do not ask unnecessary questions about the origin of capital and yachts are moored not with their bows to the pier, but aft.

No, I decided to make good cars and cut costs. For which he himself suffered.

And in conclusion, one more Soviet anecdote. The Armenian radio is asked: is it possible to build a Swedish model of socialism in the USSR? Is it possible, the radio replies, but where to get so many Swedes? The Swedish managers, as well as the Swedish workers, suppliers, policemen and politicians cannot really find enough space for our vast country.