Gender and sex education of children in the family: consultation of a psychologist. Gender aspects of education

For so long, your child has remained the smallest and most delicate creature on earth for you. But time passes inexorably, and now you have a teenager who declares his rights and desires, and in addition, he has many uncomfortable questions. The menstrual cycle, first and sexual fantasies, body changes and relationships with the opposite body. The topics are very sensitive and most parents prefer to avoid them. However, sex education for adolescents is a critical issue, and ignoring it often leads to disastrous consequences.

First changes

The age at which they become especially noticeable can vary. For some it is 11 years, for others - 14. At this time, an active development of the body as a whole takes place. Body weight and height increase significantly, working capacity increases, all physiological systems are actively developing. But the endocrine glands work most actively at this time. Even behavior changes under their influence. Sex education for adolescents should be started as early as possible, competently answering all questions and not hushing up topics of interest to him, so as not to create an information vacuum.

School or parents

This is another important question. Relatively recently, sex education for adolescents did not take place at all. The children themselves had to collect information bit by bit, learning it from their older comrades. As a result, it acted in a distorted and not always complete form. Today society has finally come to the point that it is extremely important to educate a teenager not only in the bosom of the family, but also to conduct special education within the framework of school education.

The introduction of special subjects increases the level of information awareness and gives each teenager an opportunity to ask questions of interest. Thus, we can say that sex education for adolescents is the task of the whole society as a whole. That is why so many informational videos are being created today, which are broadcast on television. They are designed in an accessible and simple form to convey to yesterday's child the most important information that he needs so much.

At the junction of physiology and psychology

Both the boy and the girl in their incomplete 14 years become completely different, which is often a cause of anxiety for a caring parent. And how not to worry if an affectionate and contact child suddenly begins to withdraw into himself, to shut himself off, he has his own life, about which he does not want to tell anything. In fact, he himself does not fully understand what is happening to him. The fact is that the period of puberty is characterized by a sharp one.Thanks to this, there is an active appearance of secondary sexual characteristics, the formation of constitutional features of the body, breaking of the voice and all the accompanying changes with the external and internal genital organs.

But that is not all. The boy and girl do not yet know what exactly is happening in their bodies, so all the changes can be frightening. The activity of the gonads easily explains the instability of autonomic functions and frequent mood swings. As you can see, behavioral changes are well founded. The increased activity of the sex glands at this moment also plays a role. Hormones are released as much as not even in an adult. At the same time, the teenager does not have the opportunity to fully realize this energy. This translates into rudeness and stubbornness. Do not be offended, it is best to teach the child to adequately implement everything in the right direction. Interesting activities, sports, outdoor activities will help.

School objectives

Sex education in our school is in its infancy. This is facilitated by the fact that most of the information that is associated with sex in our society is taboo. This is a relic of the Soviet past, when sex education at school was reduced to a page in an anatomy textbook, where the genitals of a man and a woman were drawn. But even this information did not receive any comments from the teacher.

Why is it recommended to work in a team? Because it is possible to invite qualified specialists and experts who will provide information that each parent individually does not fully possess. Or if he does, he does not know how to convey to the growing child. The second point: this information immediately spreads to the whole class, that is, each of the students has a correct understanding of the nature of sexuality. As a result, it will be easier for them to have discussions outside the classroom.

The main problems that sex education solves in school

• First of all, it is necessary to name the filling of the information vacuum. Teenagers have always been interested in taboo topics. However, distorted or inaccurate information often does more harm than good.
• Prevention of problems associated with early onset of sexual activity. Today this issue is becoming more and more urgent. Even if the very fact of early entry into adulthood continues, it is imperative that there is safety for both partners.
• Prevention of sexual abuse. Sex education for girls must necessarily include educating adolescents about pedophilia in order to reduce the amount of abuse by adult men.

Information block

Do not forget that information must be received in a timely manner and in the required volume. At the age of three, the question "how did I appear?" you can tell a tale about a king and a queen who loved each other very much and slept tightly embracing in one bed. And one day they realized that someone had appeared in the queen's stomach. He grew rapidly, and soon the court doctor said it was a girl. Everyone was very happy. And when she grew up, she came into the world.

Usually, upon entering the kindergarten, the child begins to understand the difference between the sexes. Again, do not dismiss such questions. Confirm that the genitals are arranged differently, in boys they look like a faucet, and in girls they look like a slit. For now, that will be enough.

When the child reaches the age of five, you can add a little information about how he got to his mother's tummy. It is appropriate to tell here that dad gave mom a cage of himself. It connected with my mother's cell, and a child developed from it. If the kid saw dogs or cats on the street in an intimate moment, and he had questions again, then you can stick to the same version. So animals pass on their cells to each other, and soon babies will appear in the tummy of a female.

The age of 8-9 years is considered optimal for the first conversations about sex. This does not mean that the child needs to be seated and told to him everything that you know. But after seeing an advertisement for pads, you can start a conversation with the girl that she will soon start menstruating and her breasts will begin to grow. Now she will become even more beautiful and turn into a young girl. The husband can tactfully tell the boy about the approaching emissions and breaking of the voice. And again, it must be emphasized that this is a normal phenomenon, and it suggests that everything is in order with his body.

At about 8-9 years old, you can already talk about sex. Explain that the genitals have serious names - penis and vagina. Hugs and kisses are very pleasant for both man and woman. From this, the penis is enlarged and it can be inserted into the vagina like a key. Sperm are released from it, which combine with the female egg and form a new life. On this basis, at the age of 13-14, it will be possible to impose a conversation about contraception and protection against sexually transmitted diseases. The main thing is not to compose fairy tales and fables, but to talk to the child seriously and frankly.

What parents need to learn

The issues of sex education for adolescents seem so delicate to us primarily because our parents did not have such conversations with us. And to this day, although we ourselves have grown-up children, it seems too unethical to talk about “this”. However, you should be well aware of the following points:

• Personality and sexuality are indivisible. This rule also applies to sex education, which cannot be considered in isolation. The child just needs to be brought up correctly, communicate with him and answer his questions.
• Sex education work with adolescents should be done long before they reach this very age. All the questions that the child asks must be taken seriously, and the answer to them is built as competently as possible. There is no need to tell a three-year-old baby fairy tales about a stork. Suffice it now to say that parents love each other and therefore a baby appeared in mom's tummy. As it grows, it will be possible to increase the amount of information.
• In fact, giving a child a competent idea of \u200b\u200bintimate life is no more difficult than teaching any other things.

Basic rules for parents

We all come from Soviet childhood, which leaves its mark. But in fact, the sex education of adolescents by their parents is a consequence of properly developed houses, they will always listen to him, believe him and protect him. If the parents were able to prove in practice that they are worthy of this trust, then no problems will arise in the future.

The second point is the personality of the parent himself. The problems of sex education are often associated with the fact that an adult has to face his complexes and problems, to carry out internal work on them. And the most important thing is not to pass them on to your child. It is only about the attitude towards your body and the process of conception as such. It must be unambiguously positive. There is nothing wrong with the body.

And one more thing: in the process of sex education, the situation in the family plays a very important role. A normal, trusting and warm relationship between mom and dad contributes to the child's natural perception of gender-role differences between men and women.

Sexuality education pedagogy

Of course, not all parents are teachers and psychologists, so this aspect of upbringing is perceived with certain difficulties. Moreover, sex education of the younger generation is one of the weakest areas of modern and, in particular, family education. Not all parents, like teachers, fully understand what it includes.

Gender problems of adolescent sex education are acute in single-parent families where a parent is raising children of the opposite sex. However, a married couple sometimes cannot decide who will talk with their daughter or son on a particular topic. However, the main thing here is to understand that sex education is a complex of pedagogical influences on the educated person. This issue is considered from two sides:

• This is an integral part of moral education. If the child has clearly formed concepts such as maiden honor, moral purity, manhood, respect for a woman, friendship and love, then consider that you have fulfilled your mission.
• The second aspect is a social and hygienic problem, which is related to health and well-being. That is, a certain minimum of knowledge is simply necessary.

It is the full disclosure of these two aspects that implies sex education. Topics should be raised as the child's interest develops. Sex education cannot be separated from the development of moral qualities.

Basic tasks that are the same for family and school

The sex education program for adolescents should be consistent because it serves the same purposes. Today in our society there is a tendency to lead a promiscuous sex life, the number of divorces is growing. Moreover, this is far from the best way to affect the demographic situation. The emerging and consolidated concepts of civil and guest marriage bring their own confusion to the general picture of the world, which children absorb. There is nothing better for forming the correct model of the world and gender-role relationships than the model of a strong and friendly family.

Based on this, let's formulate the main tasks that adolescent sex education pursues, and the role of the school in this matter:

• Formation of a positive attitude towards a healthy lifestyle and the desire to have a real, friendly family.
• Help in understanding your needs and adequate ways to meet them.
• Providing children with competent information that will make it possible to understand what is happening to them and adapt to changes.
• respect for other people, male and female.

School is a social institution where boys and girls learn not only to read and write, but also to build their first relationships with members of the opposite sex. Therefore, teachers should be involved in the process no less than parents. Their tasks are even more global, since the correction of the sex education of adolescents, started in the family, falls on the shoulders of the school teacher or social worker.

The main directions of sex education

We have already considered the main tasks in accordance with which it is necessary to organize the work of both teachers and parents. Sex education of girls in the classical sense will be aimed at developing an understanding of themselves as the keeper of the family hearth, traditions, and the continuer of the family. Boys learn to respect a woman, to treat her tenderly and carefully, to protect her. Thus, several directions of sex education can be formulated:

• Sex-role education. It helps build psychological masculinity and femininity. In addition, it is at school that children learn to establish effective communication between themselves, as representatives of the male and female sex.
• Sexual education. It is aimed primarily at the optimal formation of sexual and erotic orientations.
• Preparing for a responsible marriage. First of all, the principles of mutually responsible partnership should be developed here.
• Preparing for responsible parenting.
• The common thread here should be the idea of \u200b\u200ba healthy lifestyle. It is learned by explaining the dependence of sexuality, marriage and parenting on such bad habits as alcoholism and drug addiction, on adultery and sexually transmitted diseases that accompany them.

Sex education methods for adolescents

We have already well understood what tasks we face in order for the future generation to come out normally into adulthood. At the same time, I would like to note that not much is required from parents and teachers in order to accomplish these tasks. The main tool is communication. First of all, you need to establish contact with the child and gain his trust, and then carry out the upbringing process. However, communication is different. Today we will highlight two main ones that can be used:

• Oriented communication methods are leisurely conversations and explanations in the communication process. The most effective way of such communication is the question-answer option. Discussion of various situations and lectures is another form of educational activities.
• Methods of upbringing communication is another large section, which says that in the process of upbringing a person not only learns some norms and rules, but also experiences some feelings that form mental neoplasms. Sex education cannot be reduced only to the assimilation of certain norms. Among the methods of upbringing, one can single out the reception of positive samples of sex-role behavior, as well as the methods of approval and disapproval. However, they act only because they evoke certain emotions. Therefore, the correct choice of means of influence and an individual approach are so important.

The best helpers

Most parents find themselves missing the right words and explanations, especially when it comes to sex education. The book is the best help. Choose a good encyclopedia and present it to your teenager when he turns 10-12 years old. His interest in taboo topics will only grow, and when he comes up with the question of who is gay or transvestite, you can always refer to the book. For example: "In the encyclopedia, this question is better sanctified, let's look together."

Child sex education is a shared journey into the world of adults. From the very first days of his life, you teach the baby so many things that it is a habit for you. All the difficulties that arise with sex education are associated only with our own fears and complexes and shame. Do not emphasize this, so as not to pass them on to your child. Answer calmly and accurately. And so that the child does not catch you by surprise, think over possible answers to the question in advance.

Don't wait for the child to start asking questions. In accordance with the age, you can start difficult conversations yourself in the form of information fairy tales or leisurely conversations at the most suitable moment for this. And the most important thing is the formed trust between you and your child.

There is a lot of literature on store shelves, but not all of them are suitable for literate education of a teenager. Moreover, there are books that are best read to parents in order to be able to competently tell the child about everything that interests him. Among them are:

• "From Diapers to First Dates" D. Haffner.
• “Where did I come from. Sexual encyclopedia for children 5-8 years old ”V. Dumont.
• “Encyclopedia of Sexual Life for Children 7-9 Years. Physiology and Psychology ". K. Verdu.

If you want to additionally give the teenager the opportunity to read on his own and find answers to questions, then it is recommended to buy him the book “My body is changing. Everything teenagers want to know and what parents are embarrassed to talk about ”by Clever. After donating this book, do not forget to tell your child that you are open to dialogue, and everything that he reads here, you can discuss further.

Gender education. What is it? An analogue of sex education, a well-forgotten old fashion tribute to new words, or the creation of variable education models and new forms of learning?

Sexual education is education based on knowledge, primarily of the physiological characteristics of a child's sexual development, i.e. which external manifestations of the reproductive system should be taken as normal and which should be considered deviations from the norm.

Sex education is a system of medical and pedagogical measures to educate parents, children, adolescents and young people the correct attitude to gender issues. As part of the education of an individual, sex education is one of the types of its content.

One of the most important categories - the category of sex - is the biological division of people into men and women, in which the child for the first time defines himself as an individual. In the second year of life, not yet distinguishing himself from other people and not naming himself, the child already knows whether he is a boy or a girl. At first, the child knows how to name his gender, but no more. Why this is so - he does not know how to explain. Sex is a multifaceted concept, considered in science from different points of view: biological, psychological, medical, pedagogical, etc. Please note that biological comes first.

In the psychological and pedagogical literature, we also meet the concept of “gender”.

GENDER is the social sex of a person, formed in the process of upbringing the personality and includes psychological, social and cultural differences between men (boys) and women (girls).

The gender approach in education is an individual approach to the manifestation of a child's identity, which in the future gives a person greater freedom of choice and self-realization, helps to be flexible enough and to be able to use different possibilities of behavior.

Gender education is the organization of the pedagogical process, taking into account gender identity, the characteristics of the development of children in the course of gender-role socialization.

The goal of the gender approach in pedagogy is to educate children of different sexes, equally capable of self-realization and disclosure of their potentials and capabilities in modern society.

“Gender” and “gender” are not identical concepts. The term “sex” emphasizes biological characteristics, “gender” - on sociocultural ones, which society prescribes to people depending on their biological sex. That is, ultimately, it is not the biological sex, but the sociocultural norms that determine the differences in psychological qualities, behavior models, types of activities, professions of women and men.

Our compatriots O.A. were engaged in issues of gender education and numerous studies. Voronina, D.V. Eremeeva, I.S. Kon, D.V. Kolesov, T.P. Khrizman, T.A. Repina and others.

Educational space models.

1. Acquaintance of teachers with theoretical knowledge about the psychosocial differences between boys and girls, the peculiarities of their upbringing and education;

2. Promotion of pedagogical knowledge on this issue with parents and their involvement in the pedagogical process;

3. Building an appropriate developmental environment;

Implementation of the first direction in the preschool educational institution: familiarizing teachers with theoretical knowledge about the psychosocial differences between boys and girls, the peculiarities of their upbringing and training; study of literature on the topic: "Features of gender education of preschool children."

Implementation of the second direction: propaganda of pedagogical knowledge on this issue with parents and their involvement in the pedagogical process.

Working with parents is informative and practical in nature. For a full-fledged upbringing of a child, it is important that parents are literate in the issue of gender education of children. For this purpose, various forms of work with parents are carried out: consultations, conversations, visual information on such topics as: "Boys and girls - to love in different ways", "The world of movements of boys and girls" "How and what do boys and girls play" and etc.

Implementation of the third direction: building an appropriate developmental environment

The implementation of the "Childhood" program requires the organization of a kind of material developmental environment in the preschool educational institution. We create an educational environment in kindergarten, taking into account the age capabilities of children, incipient sexual inclinations and interests, and we design it in such a way that the child can find an exciting business for himself during the day.

At preschool age, the main activity is play. In the role-playing game, children learn gender behavior, the child takes on the role and acts in accordance with the accepted role. In the game, you can see how noticeably boys and girls differ. Girls prefer games on family and everyday topics, and boys are noisy, filled with movements. In kindergarten groups, conditions should be created for the games "Firefighters", "Sailors", "Military", "Knights", etc. For girls - "Beauty Salon", "Doll Corner", with all the necessary accessories. In the joint upbringing of boys and girls, we consider it to be a very important pedagogical task to overcome the disunity between them and the organization of joint games, during which children could act together, but in accordance with gender characteristics. Boys take on male roles and girls take on female roles.

Speaking about the relevance of gender education, educators and parents are encouraged to use such methods and techniques in gender education of a preschooler as gender education games:

· Subject - role-playing games.

Conversations using illustrations, fiction

Problematic situations with ethical content

Making gifts for moms, dads, peers

· Didactic games: “Who loves to do what ?,“ What to whom? ”,“ I am growing, ”“ What do we have in common, how do we differ? ”,“ I am so because ... ”,“ Who to be? ” , "Dress the boy, dress the girl."

When carrying out work on raising children taking into account their gender characteristics, we suggest paying attention to the following:

On the attractiveness of play material and role attributes in order to attract children to reflect in the game socially approved images of female and male behavior;

Sufficiency and completeness of material for games.

A boy and a girl are two different worlds. If educators and parents are interested in raising children taking into account their gender characteristics, then they can successfully solve these problems.

Sexual instinct - the most powerful. Where it dries up, in the words of L.S. Vygotsky, life is dying out. It is a powerful source of psychic impulses, suffering, pleasure, desires, pains and joys.

The problem of sex education has always been solved in different ways, depending on the level of development of social consciousness. Eliminating sex education from the general system is the worst way out.

Already in infancy, we meet with child sexuality and its various normal and pathological manifestations. But the sexual experiences of children are not equal to those of adults.

In childhood, we are dealing with a widespread eroticism, not associated with the work of special organs, not localized in strictly limited places, but excited by the administration of various organs and associated mainly with the mucous membranes of the body.

Further, the nature of this eroticism takes the form of autoeroticism, directed at oneself and psychologically normal narcissism, when erotic excitements come from their own body and find their resolution in it.

In the next phase, children's eroticism takes on new forms: it is directed at the closest persons with whom the child is associated, and is a complex component in these relations. At the time of puberty, it is more difficult: the awakened drives cannot find a way out and satisfaction and cause a stormy vague state of the psyche. Here, the sexual feeling takes on the character of a conflict, the successful outcome of which is possible only when the necessary sublimation occurs, through the necessary channels.

The sexual instinct requires such adaptations to the social structure of life, which would not run counter to the established forms. The sexual instinct is directed towards an individual of the opposite sex. The difference that culture makes is its selective, personal character in a person. (Romeo and Juliet cannot survive each other's death, although there are many beautiful boys and girls in the city.)

Youthful love, by and large, is the only means of humanizing the sexual instinct. She limits instinct in one direction and creates an exceptional relationship with one person.

The task of education is to defeat the blindness of instinct, to introduce it into the general sphere of consciousness and to link it with all other human behavior. Sex education proper is that this instinct can feed creativity and that a person can establish relationships of love, friendship, affection, can create his own family and raise his children.

By psychosexual development of a child, in this case, we mean the development of his emotions, drives and the ability to enjoy the functioning of his own body.

Although nowadays the point of view that the psychosexual development of a child begins even before birth, in the womb of the mother, is becoming more widespread (see S. Fanti in detail. Micropsychoanalysis. M., 1993; M. Marcone. Nine-month sleep. M., 19 ( 3)), we consider the main stages of psychosexual development, starting from birth.

1. Oral stage. The main area of \u200b\u200bthe body, which at this moment is responsible for receiving pleasure, is the area of \u200b\u200bthe mouth. At the oral stage, all the child's needs are met by the mother.

Already in infancy, children often play with their genitals while exploring their own bodies. It is completely natural for a nursing infant and, moreover, it makes a positive contribution to his emotional development. It is playing with his own body that gives the child the experience that he can please himself without the help of an adult, which lays the foundation for a sense of personal autonomy in the future.

Anna Freud showed that a certain amount of autoerotic stimulation is absolutely necessary for a child for his normal development. Therefore, no parental prohibitions are inappropriate in this regard. The desire of parents to stop playing with their genitals in a nursing infant can subsequently serve as a source of the formation of passivity, excessive dependence, intellectual and sexual disorders.

At this stage, the child does not yet separate himself psychologically from the mother, and his body from her body. Deficiency of tactile (body) contact with the mother at this stage leads to serious disturbances in sexual behavior not only in humans, but also in primates, as shown in numerous experiments.

A particular danger for the future sexual development of a person is the situation when at the oral stage the infant is most of the time not just isolated and separated from the mother, but in an environment where the approach of an adult means not so much a promise of pleasure as a guarantee of painful procedures, as, for example , in the hospital.

Such a person may have an unconscious fear of bodily contact with other people for a long time and serious sexual dysfunctions may occur. Therefore, the stay of an infant in a hospital in all cases should be organized as a joint one with the mother.

At the oral stage, if the child was abruptly and rudely weaned from the breast, then a fixation of a constant return to “oral pleasures” in the form of a desire to constantly chew something, “seize” a feeling of loneliness, etc. may form in him. Conversely, if the pleasures experienced by the child at the previous stage of development turned out to be much stronger than the next stage promises, then the person may have an unconscious desire to constantly return to the already proven ways of satisfying vital needs.

In this case, it is customary to speak of regression as a return to an earlier, infantile way of gratifying drives.

As A. Freud notes, the development of a child is uneven and a certain number of regressions is necessary for normal development, because "Gives respite", an "easy" way to get positive emotions and reduce feelings of anxiety.

The main result of the oral stage of psychosexual development is the child's discovery of the Other, the ability to receive satisfaction from emotional contact with the mother and the willingness to experience joy from bodily contact. The feeling of basic trust (or distrust) in another person, which means the whole world for a child at this stage, will determine for many years how his emotional contacts with other people will develop.

2. The anal stage. On it, the child's "attention" is shifted from the mouth area to the sphincter area, which at this time the child is taught to control in the course of teaching the skills of neatness. The emotional well-being of the child depends on the effectiveness of mastering these skills at this stage.

At this moment, the child is confronted with the first social norm in his life, and how successful this period will be will largely determine his attitude to social norms in general.

Recall that there is no biological need that would make the child strive to voluntarily regulate the acts of urination and defecation. The mastery of this skill is determined exclusively by psychological needs in maintaining the mother's love, striving for encouragement and avoidance of punishment.

The emotional relationship to the mother at this stage is characterized by ambivalence: the simultaneous coexistence of love and hate, aggressiveness and the need for intimacy. At this time, the child often becomes stubborn, with a fair amount of negativism, says “no” to everything, commits aggressive actions towards the mother (tries to bite, push, hit her). This is due to the fact that the child, as it were, tests the mother's feelings "for strength" - whether she still loves him or not.

The need to retain the mother's love is an incentive to learn a new skill. Obviously, it is important for a child to be constantly convinced of the presence of this love. And, conversely, if for some reason the child decides that his mother no longer loves him, then only fear will be an incentive to master the skill of neatness.

This unconscious attitude determines the behavior of those children who can not be taught anything except through the threat. This happens when the mother reacts too "seriously" to the child's aggression towards her (for example, she takes offense and does not talk to him for a long time). The best way would be to translate the child's destructive tendencies into play activities (games like "build and destroy") and explain to him that it is impossible to harm people and other living beings.

Adequate games at this stage are water, sand, pouring and pouring and drawing. Excessive fear of the child at this stage of "being dirty", to get dirty, can act as an unconscious barrier later - when learning to write, for example.

Sometimes, parents who themselves have experienced a traumatic experience in the anal stage instill in the child an excessive sense of anxiety about the skills of neatness, bring him up in an atmosphere of excessive pedantry. Such children in the future are at risk of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

The main psychological mechanism of controlling a child at this stage is to excite in him a sense of shame, as a feeling of his own inadequacy to external norms and requirements. People who did not go through this stage very well, for many years retain the feeling of “indecency” of everything connected with their body, which makes it difficult for them to have a normal sexual life in the future.

Another negative consequence may be a tendency for an adult to respond with aggressive impulses to the most emotionally significant person: as soon as the relationship with a partner becomes sufficiently serious, deep and close, he impulsively, as if against his will, does something insulting, offending or humiliating partner, as a result of which the relationship is broken. So, such people lose the most dear and significant people. They experience it hard, but they cannot change their behavior on their own. Moreover, such “rejecting” behavior never occurs in them in relation to emotionally neutral or unpleasant persons.

Obviously, such people were excessively punished in childhood for trying to react aggressively to their mother. Subsequently, they try to unconsciously play out this situation to a happy end and make sure that they are loved no matter what. Such confirmation of love is achieved by excessive aggression towards a partner, attachment to whom is comparable in strength to emotional attachment to the mother in early childhood.

The result of the anal stage of development is the child's mastery of his aggressive impulses and the solution of the problem of his own ambivalent experiences.

In the course of a collision with the first norms and prohibitions, the child may sharpen his interest in his own genitals as a regressive reaction that guarantees positive experiences. The path of intimidation is dangerous and hopeless. The explicit "distracting" activity of the parents is also not good, because creates in the child a sense of guilt, "depravity" of everything connected with the body, and the idea of \u200b\u200bself-satisfaction as something bad. The best thing in this case, delicately not to notice, but to make it clear to the child that touching your genitals in the presence of other children or adults is indecent or ugly. The criterion "ugly" for a child is absolutely clear, accessible and, moreover, safe in terms of the normal development of sexuality.

At 3-4 years old, when a child is already embarrassed to appear naked in front of strangers, he must master this norm well. Thus, the parents, as it were, give the child an implicit permission to receive self-satisfaction alone. Under such conditions, early childhood masturbation goes away on its own as the child's ability to get a variety of pleasures from life expands without resorting to the help of adults. The disappearance of masturbation at this stage occurs because the psychological need for it disappears, and the physiological one has not yet arisen.

A poorly passed anal stage can leave a mark on personality development in the form of unconscious sadomasochistic attitudes, tendencies to obsessively play the role of a constant victim or persecutor in life. The sadist, seeking to experience strength and power and being powerless in the face of overcoming the parental prohibition on sex, replaces it with a prohibition on cruelty, which he can overcome. He seems to be checking what he did not have time to check in childhood - to what limit can be reached without being abandoned. The masochist, on the other hand, needs to punish himself with pain in order to reduce his childish, unconscious feeling of guilt for his aggressiveness towards the mother. The pain is not necessarily physical, but also psychological. Some people measure the depth of their feelings for their partner by the measure of the suffering they endured for him.

Thus, if a sadist tests his partner for "strength", then a masochist - himself, which he is ready to endure for love. Both need super-strong evidence. True, mature eroticism of two loving people, as a rule, is not clouded by such feelings, except in a playful way.

3. Oedipus stage. At this stage, children develop an interest in gender differences, their origins, sexual relations between parents and other adults. This, in particular, is associated with attempts to spy on naked adults. At the same time, interest in the attributes of one's body is sharpening. During this period, the child begins to realize that people of different genders perform different functions in the family and outside it and use different clothes and different objects. In mastering his own psychosexual role, the child is helped by role-playing games (in "war", "daughters-mothers", etc.).

At this stage, feelings for parents of both sexes are ambivalent: a parent of the same sex is perceived both as an example to follow and as a competitor for the attention of a parent of the opposite sex. Equally conflicting feelings are directed at the parent of the opposite sex. In an effort to resolve these contradictions, a child under normal developmental conditions, imitating the behavior of people of the same sex, masters culturally approved patterns of sex-role behavior.

This process also occurs if the child is absent from one of the parents. At this age, the child will in any case find that the mother's attention is not entirely his. In an incomplete family, the child learns the norms of sex-role behavior by observing life outside the family.

If the parents do not discredit his gender in the eyes of the child, then the child happily joins in games that give him a new sense of adulthood, in which he imitates the actions of adults of the same sex. The mistake is made by parents who consider such games "frivolous" and try to replace them with something more, in their opinion, useful, for example, reading. Without experiencing a sense of pride in belonging to the same sex during the oedipal phase, a child may grow up to be timid and insecure.

During this period, the child seeks to actively intervene in the relations of the parents, tries to separate them when they are passionate about each other. If the parents decisively close the bedroom doors, then the child will cope with himself by the age of 6 and romantic feelings will go to the "depth" before puberty.

When a child is “excluded” from intimate relationships between parents and he suffers “defeat” here, then this, oddly enough, gives him a sense of security, and in the future - the ability to distance himself from his parents. If the parents give in, then the child may have a fear that the marriage is not strong and in the future anxiety, fear of success, a bad attitude towards sex and personal trouble may develop.

Another distinctive feature of this period is the emergence of erotically colored games between children of different sexes. Peeping, giggling, strip games (family, doctor, etc.) indicate that children of this age are already quite well aware of which parts of the body are considered intimate and what should be hidden from people of the opposite sex and from outsiders. At first, this norm of social life evokes a feeling of protest in children. They are trying to react to it in the game.

Erotic games at this stage are completely normal. But this does not mean that the educator should pretend that nothing is happening. You can’t shame, punish, make a laughing stock for such games, but if you witnessed such a game, then you must definitely stop it. It is necessary to form in children an idea of \u200b\u200bthe inappropriateness of such games in front of strangers.

If you have witnessed child masturbation, which is not neurotic-compulsive in nature, it is better here to delicately ignore what is happening. In this case, the child realizes his right to receive pleasure without turning to outsiders.

Erotic play is an interpersonal situation, and social norms operate in it, the knowledge of which the child must be taught by an adult. For a young child, this sense of adulthood is given precisely by the ability and ability to comply with the limitations shared by the adult world.

The Oedipal stage often destroys the skills developed in the previous stage. For example, there is a problem of bedwetting.

Enuresis is a neurotic symptom that can secondarily cause a child to feel constant awkwardness and shame for their body. Children suffering from this symptom again find themselves strongly attached to their mother, fearing ridicule from their peers.

The symbolic meaning of enuresis is an unconscious call to the mother, the search for guarantees of her arrival at night. Such children often have too deep, "dead" sleep, not waking up even after urinating.

General guidelines are to allow the child to have some of the pleasures of waking up at night on their own, without going to the mother. First of all, it is independent control of light: such a child should have local lighting within his reach. There should be some favorite toys, books, fruit or juice near the bed. It is important to switch the child from an unconscious call to the mother to a conscious receipt of his own pleasures, which replace this call. Then the moment of awakening at night will be positively reinforced, and timely emptying of the bladder will cease to be a problem. For these reasons, it is useless to try to tightly control the child's fluid intake in the evening.

Thus, the result of the oedipal stage is not only the child's appropriation of psychosexual identity through role play, but also the formation of an infantile "concept" about the differences and relationships of the sexes, which creates the preconditions for the transition to the next stage of development.

4. Latent stage... Its beginning usually coincides with the beginning of schooling in most countries of the world. This becomes possible because the child has object interests outside the parental "triangle". There is a desire to learn more about the world outside the family. Therefore, the intensity of the child's interest in sexual problems during this period decreases, and therefore the stage is called "latent". This is a period of expansion of the child's social competence, his knowledge of the natural world and human culture.

5. Pubertal stage coincides with the onset of puberty. The newly revived cravings again stimulate interest in the problem of gender, but on a new level.

The main task of this stage is to give the adolescent emotional emancipation from his parents through the acquisition of the object of “first love”. Of course, this task in this period cannot be completely solved. It is important for the teenager to feel the ability to love someone outside the family.

If in early adolescence a person easily abandons the object of first love, preferring the values \u200b\u200bof parent-child relationships or relationships with peers of the same sex, then regardless of the level of his physiological maturity, we can talk about a delay in psychosexual development. The course and pace of psychosexual development cannot be controlled from the outside. There are hypersexual adolescents with early and strongly expressed attraction, adolescents with moderately expressed, reasonably well controlled attraction, and asexual adolescents showing more childish forms of behavior and interests. Those adolescents who "wake up" earlier and faster are formed during puberty (puberty), find themselves in a more "advantageous" position, because among their peers it is easier for them to gain the desired status and recognition, because they are more like adults than others. And the "immature" have to look for additional ways and means to establish themselves among "their own". This situation can lead to high anxiety, aggressiveness, behavioral disturbances, decreased or even distortion of self-esteem, withdrawal and other problems.

In the course of sex education as part of the general educational process, it is important to convey to the child's consciousness the basic meaning of sexuality, which consists in uniting with a new force in a person's life. The one that, on the one hand, frees him from a narrow circle of child-parental dependencies, and, on the other, allows him to establish a new dependence - on the person with whom he will move along the path of personal growth. This, in particular, is the meaning of marriage as a social institution.

It is already considered a proven fact that sexual satisfaction and mental well-being of an adult largely depend on the moral and psychological atmosphere of early childhood: trusting relationships with parents, mother, tolerant attitude towards nudity, the absence of rigid prohibitions, the willingness of parents to discuss various problems of children, etc. ...

Sex education is primarily a parental job. Parents teach by example, not by word. As a rule, everyone in the family feels that it is necessary to be careful with sex. Sex is the reason why a new life appears, which pushes children to grow and gain independence. It is a bitter joy for parents to see children as adults, to realize their attractiveness. Children, on the other hand, realize that they will never be as close to their parents as their parents are to each other. Then, someday, it will be necessary to part (R. Skinner). Therefore, it is very difficult to talk about sex in your family.

Giving children an impetus to maturity is the need for "just the right amount" of sexual tension between parents and children: there should be no frigidity or incest. When parents change roles (in everyday life, for example) or the roles are unified, this confuses the child, because he must see that the parents are different and do different things.

A very important period is the Oedipal stage of psychosexual development. Here, the boy must, as it were, cross the symbolic bridge from mother to father (by about 2.5 years), and the father’s reciprocal desire to accept him into the male company is necessary. The father helps the girl to become more independent from the mother. If a girl for some reason (for example, a “cold” mother and a “warm” or admirable father) crosses the “bridge” to her father, then this may end in transsexualism. Difficulties of psychosexual identification in girls are also possible in those cases when the father is absent or he does not have a relationship with the mother. In this situation, the girl can develop masculine qualities to a greater extent, because when she manifests them, she symbolically “replaces” the mother’s male presence, and the mother “calms down” (ie, becomes less irritated, anxious and tense), which, in turn, reinforces the “male” principle in the girl. In boys, transsexualism is possible if the mother did not bother to separate the child from herself in time (for example, when the mother is domineering or overly anxious, and the father is a complete “zero” in the family, or is excessively strict, or simply does not love the boy) or completely ignored the gender of the child (this happens in situations where the mother rigidly programs herself to have a child of a strictly defined gender).

The use of the symbolic "bridge" metaphor helps to understand the man's fear of the power of the woman, i.e. fear of returning across the "bridge" and that there will be no strength to overcome it again. A man with normal development can play "baby" in order to then return to "men". But if he is not able to recognize the need for affection, then he sees a threat in a woman. If the boy's “crossing” of the symbolic bridge was associated with any difficulties, then such a boy can grow into a man who either fears and shuns female society, or disguises his fear with dismissive or even aggressively cruel treatment of the “weaker” sex ...

Those who stretch out across the bridge are more likely to end up in a homosexual camp. Female homosexuality occurs when mothers are proprietors, and the father is "of little use," or "loser father," "distant relative," or rude, incapable of love. Homosexual men remain on the “bridge”, fearing their mother, but never making friends with their father: the male jealousy of the father for his son is more frightening than maternal bonds. So they remain on the bridge, striving for their father, but without turning to their mother, without experiencing attraction to her, they will miss their woman from life.

So, normally there are “feminine” girls on the mother’s coast, a little further from the mother, “courageous” boys on the father's side. Recall that everything that we have just mentioned is just one of the ways to explain and understand how a person is identified with his gender.

During the Oedipal stage, the best is the parental "emergency", which manifests itself in the following:

first, to take care of the child without leaving him;

secondly, parental relationship;

thirdly, with a caring and loving hand, close the door for the child to your bedroom. Otherwise, if the child has not experienced defeat in this sense, in the future he will unconsciously try to drown out the "call of sex", which can be expressed in frigidity or impotence, psychological as well. He will also be afraid of everything taken for success, because it entails disaster. Returning to the stage of this love triangle, such a person will compete with someone of the same sex for possession of someone of the other sex. This can explain the behavior of men and women who are attracted to married, but who break the connection when something bigger arises. Thus, they insulate themselves from fulfilling relationships.

After the "bridge" is crossed, a romantic relationship develops between parents and children of the opposite sex. Flirting between parents and children is not dangerous. The details of what parents do in the bedroom are not for children, but it is important for them to know that parents bring each other joy.

During puberty, the growing up child realizes his sex appeal and the attractiveness of his parents. It is important for adolescents to “test” their sexual performance. In this sense, parents are the best target. For example, a girl flirts with her father, as if trying her hand at him in order to further apply them on a real object. For parents during this period, the main thing is to move their own way. This task is easier if they have a good marital relationship.

It should be noted that teenagers are characterized by so-called "dirty" talk about sex and looking at "dirty" pictures. Psychologically, it is the release of emotional stress from sexual arousal, which cannot yet be satisfied in a natural way. From a psychological point of view, adolescents who do not have such conversations are rather alarming.

In adolescence, when physical maturity is reached, limiting the sexual instinct is possible by giving it a personality-oriented character, which is what youthful romantic love for a person of the opposite sex serves.

About the role of the father. In its absence, boys have more problems in psychosexual development. For the father, it is more important not how long he remains “on stage”, but what he does on his way out. If the father behaves like a "model man", then in reality, he will not raise a real man. Only fathers are firm, but loving, sympathetic, sharing caring for children, raising "reliable" husbands and "faithful" wives.

On the question of the need for a "premarital" sexual and sensory experience, there is no consensus and "correct" for all occasions. For example, R. Skinner, one of the leading foreign psychologists, is of the opinion that this experience is necessary because a person in this case is gaining a sense that it is not easy to find a partner and build a full-fledged relationship with him. And those who have not tasted anything expect the impossible from marriage. This point of view is not final, and let each young man and young girl decide it for themselves in accordance with their desires, aspirations and values.

In matters of sex education, parents need to be warned against extremes:

1) the more prohibitions and the more the “forbidden” force is suppressed, the more crushing it will be when it breaks through;

2) you should avoid extremes in conversations about sex: when parents pour facts, overcoming embarrassment, but are silent about feelings, and feelings are the main thing.

How to answer sharp questions from children:

You need to kindly ask the child about what he already knows on this issue, and then, if necessary, correct and expand his ideas;

Explanations should be clear and understandable, without allegories and substitution with examples from the life of animals and plants;

To tell the truth at an understandable level, the content of the answer should be interesting to the child.

It is desirable that, before entering school, the child has already received information about gender differences and procreation from parents or caregivers.

The problem of first sexual contact is a very delicate issue, although modern youth solve it much easier than their parents.

Speaking about the first intimacy, as a rule, everything focuses on the fears that accompany it. Young men are more afraid that nothing will work out, so they are more focused on technique, and not on a partner. The girls have a general anxiety ("what will happen?"), Accompanied by fear of pain, anticipation of humiliation and censure, etc. fears.

The main problems of first proximity are the following:

1) the problem of psychological readiness for sexual intercourse, the presence of an emotional basis, intimacy of feelings;

2) the problem of "safety" from possible infections (which is especially important in the era of the "rampant" of the AIDS virus) and from unwanted pregnancy, which implies information about modern contraceptives.

I would like to note that in solving this problem, educational work carried out by parents, teachers and educators is of great, if not decisive importance.

The child, as we have already noted, masters his psychosexual role in various role-playing games. A child who has not formed adequate gender-role representations will inevitably face difficulties in communicating with peers of both his own and the opposite sex and will gradually begin to experience self-doubt.

Discussions often arise among educators about the appropriateness of military toys and war games for boys and toys like "Barbie dolls" for girls. This is due to fears that boys, for example, may grow up to be "militarists" and develop brutality. In one city, they once organized such an action: children were invited to the central city square for a children's party, where they had to throw military toys into a common fire, and in return they were given soft toys.

From a psychological point of view, children received a dubious lesson: having abandoned toys symbolizing a romantic attitude towards courage and heroism (after all, for a child of 4-6 years old there are no concepts of death and murder in the adult sense of the word), they received reinforcement through a soft toy corresponding to the needs of a younger age. In this case, the child can unconsciously conclude: “Adults want me to become a“ baby ”again. The previously experienced feeling of helplessness pushes the child to an aggressive attitude towards others. Thus, by cultivating "peacefulness" with the help of such techniques, the effect may be quite the opposite.

During the oedipal phase, playing with military toys, the boy appropriates the model of courage inherent in a noble hero who defends positive values, fixed in myths, fairy tales and other cultural phenomena. The weapon (magic sword or bow) is the main attribute available for use in the child's play, since other attributes (for example, physical strength) are not yet available.

Equally keen interest is the Barbie doll, which is not like "babies" and "babies". Playing with a "baby doll" or "baby" allows the girl to master the role of a mother caring for a child. This is an important, but not the only component of the female role.

Another aspect of the female role, already presented to the perception of a 4-5 year old girl, is the role of a "beauty". For a long time in our market there was no toy that would meet the needs of girls of this age to play games about "beauty". This need manifested itself in the massive "epidemics" of drawing princesses of the same type in kindergartens and the desire to dress up in my mother's elegant dress and high-heeled shoes.

A ban on satisfying this need will inevitably distort the girl's psychosexual development, introduce a split in her consciousness, and create a feeling of her own inadequacy: after all, in fairy tales, princes do not marry "good mothers", but beautiful princesses, with whom the girl identifies herself in her fantasies. Consequently, the prohibition on the game of "beauty" is a prohibition on the child's fantasy of beauty and happiness.

This explains such a breathtaking success of the Barbie doll: after all, she is a real beauty, next to which a prince can appear (and other dolls cannot have a "groom", but only brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers). Barbie is not just a tribute to fashion or a whim, but a toy that allows a girl to fulfill her dream, become not only a mother, but also a princess, and meet her prince.

1. The psychoanalytic concept of child sexuality.

2. Body-sensual and spiritual-soul aspects of love.

3. Socio-psychological explanation of violations of the normal development of love and sexuality.

4. The main lines and stages of the child's psychosexual development.

5. The role of toys in the development of child sexuality.

6. Formation of the child's psychosexual identity. The role of mother and father.

7. The meaning, goals and objectives of sex education.

8. Prevention of diseases of the genitourinary system in preschoolers.

9. What neatness skills should be developed in children.

10. Fostering romantic feelings in high school students.

11. Psychological difficulties of the first intimacy. Prevention of AIDS diseases in high school students.

1. Features of the formation of love in phylo- and ontogenesis.

2. Your model of communication with a 5-6 year old child on the topic: "Where did I come from?"

3. Sex education in a family and preschool setting.

4. Stages of psychosexual formation in classical psychoanalysis.

5. The importance of early mother-child relationships for the normal psychosexual development of the child.

6. Family "scenario" and sex education of the child.

7. The role of early trauma in the occurrence of sexual disorders.

1. Bern E. Sex in human love. M., 1990.

2. Kocharyan G.S., Kocharyan A.S. Psychotherapy for sexual dysfunctions and marital conflicts. M., 1994.

3. Freud A. Introduction to the technique of child psychoanalysis. M., 1991.

4. Isaev D.N., Kagan V.E. Sex education of children. L., 1988.

5. Isaev D.N., Kagan V.E. Psychohygiene of sex in children. L., 1986.

6. Kagan V.E. Educator about sexology. M., 1991.

7. Kagan V.E. Sex education of the girl in the family. M., 1991.

8. Kolesov D.Ye. Conversations about sex education. M., 1986.

9. Kon I.S. Introduction to Sexology. M., 1989.

10. Rumikhina G.N. Family world. M., 1986.

11. Rozin V.M., Shapinskaya R.N. The nature of love. M., 1993.

12. Cle M. Psychology of a teenager. Psychosexual development. M., 1991.

13. Skinner R. Family and how to survive in it. M., 1995.

2.1. Goals, objectives, content of sex education
Sex education is a process aimed at developing qualities, traits, properties, as well as personality attitudes that determine the attitude of a person towards representatives of the other sex necessary for society. Therefore, the sphere of sex education includes not only such specific relationships between males and females as marital, but also any others: in public life, work, rest, etc. Since the goals and objectives of sex education are determined by the interests of the whole society, these interests should be taken into account in all aspects of sex education, including in that part of it that relates directly to marital relations, since a person who cannot find himself in work and social life , will not be able to successfully establish itself in the sphere of personal life.
The goal of sex education in modern school is, on the basis of knowledge about the anatomy and physiology of the human generative system and its functions, to form in students the correct understanding of the essence of moral norms and attitudes in the field of gender relations and the need to be guided by them in all areas of activity. Compliance with moral norms in personal relationships determines the morality of society as a whole. Understanding the essence of moral norms and attitudes in the field of gender relations and the ability to be guided by them in the field of communication determine a high level of spiritual and physical health of citizens of the country. To achieve the necessary social effect in the process of sex education, it is necessary to solve a number of specific pedagogical problems, which include education:
- social responsibility in relationships between women and men, the conviction that in the sphere of intimate relationships a person is not independent of society;
- striving to have a strong, friendly family that meets the modern requirements of society: equality of father and mother in the family, the birth of several children; a conscious and responsible attitude to their upbringing as to their duty to society as a whole, their parents and children;
- the ability to understand other people and a sense of respect for them not only as people in general, but also as for the male or female, the ability to take into account and respect their specific gender characteristics in the process of joint activities;
- the ability and desire to evaluate their actions in relation to other people, taking into account gender, to develop the concept of good and bad actions in the sphere of these relations;
- a responsible attitude to one's own health and the health of other people, beliefs about the harm and danger of early sexual intercourse, about the inadmissibility of irresponsibility and frivolity in relations with persons of the opposite sex; concepts of what is permitted and not allowed in these 1 relations;
- an adequate understanding of adulthood: its content, true signs, manifestations and qualities. In accordance with these tasks, each teenager should, at the level of his age, know the specific characteristics of the opposite sex, consider them natural and logical, and understand the principle of equality of men and women. Ignorance of these features and unwillingness to take them into account are essential defects in upbringing. Each student should be aware of the need to build their relationships with other people, taking into account their gender characteristics.
Every teenager should know that maintaining spiritual and physical health is not only his own business, but also a duty to society, to his family and friends. On this basis, schoolchildren should instill a belief about the health risks of early sexual activity, both for themselves and for partners. Sex life itself is not fraught with such a threat.
Through sex education at school, the foundations for future harmonious marital relations are laid - an important factor in a full-fledged family, high performance and social activity, good mood, everything that is necessary for a high level of spiritual health and mutual adaptation of future spouses.

Schoolchildren should have an idea of \u200b\u200bthe main age characteristics of their body, respond adequately to certain anatomical and physiological changes that occur during puberty (change in appearance, signs of increasing activity of the gonads, etc.).
Every adolescent should have a moral ideal of the family, an understanding of its value and need for a person, as the basis for life's well-being, maintaining health, relief, overcoming life's difficulties. A person experiences an objective need for everyday communication with family members, and no acquaintances, meetings, contacts can replace this communication.
It is necessary for a girl, adolescent, and girl to have a natural thought that she will have children, so that a girl, having married, would feel the need to have children in advance and consciously build her life plans with this in mind. Instilling ideas about the proper number of children in a family starting from primary school age should be a mandatory element of the state's demographic policy, which can be implemented through school.
In the process of sex education, girls develop a natural, benevolent, non-alert attitude towards boys, the ability to play with them, communicate, and learn.
Adolescents should be characterized by an understanding and conscious attitude to the specific characteristics of peers of the opposite sex, the ability to take into account and respect these features, organize their joint activities on the basis of mutual understanding and mutual respect, assess their mental and physical condition, the nature and nature of the changes taking place in it, correctly to treat them. It is necessary that adolescents learn to understand the essence of the spiritual and physical beauty of a person and be able to correlate these two elements with the requirements for their own behavior and the behavior of other people. In addition, you should consciously relate to the interest directed to the person of the opposite sex. Schoolchildren should have a desire for a conscious assessment of the personal qualities of the object of their interest, the desire to understand their feelings, not succumbing to the first impulse. It is necessary that love is perceived to a greater extent as an ethical and aesthetic phenomenon that develops on the basis of spiritual communication.
Sex education should be carried out using all traditional methods of pedagogical influence, without raising it to the rank of something special, and even more so mysterious. Not everything that is important for sex education can be used on purpose, moreover, the deliberation of some situations can interfere with the educational effect.
Information about sexual relations can have a verbal and (or) visual-figurative form: a personal example, a certain situation in which the child is an actor or an observer. Information that does not remain at the level of memorization, but affects the emotional, ethical spheres of the individual, will be effective in educational terms.
The means of educational influence in sex education include:
- Timely reaction of adults to certain features of adolescent behavior, their relationships with peers of the opposite sex, emotional assessment of these features; an adequate response to certain manifestations of the adolescent's sexual development, based on a firm knowledge of what is normal in his development and what is a deviation from the norm. Educators must remember that their response to all of these manifestations is one of the important ways of sex education;
- examples of the correct attitude of adults towards representatives of the opposite sex. Adults should not bring their conflicts to the attention of children, should not clarify their relationship with them, etc. The teacher should draw the attention of schoolchildren to positive examples of attitudes of people of different sexes to each other, to mutual manifestations of love, attention and care of adult men and women accompanying them with appropriate comments. This can be seen as a special method of sex education - education by positive examples. Examples can also be taken from works of fiction, cinema, etc .;
- communicating information to students in a certain way, both in response to their questions and on their own initiative, individually or in the form of specially organized conversations, classes, etc., as well as information included in the content of various academic subjects. This information can be communicated both separately by gender and jointly for boys and girls, boys and girls. Control over the reading literature, its discussion, and appropriate recommendations are important.
It is known that in order to consolidate certain educational influences, the corresponding activity of the educated person is necessary. The specificity of sex education is that a person, in any kind of activity, cannot act as a being outside of sex. On the one hand, this means that any kind of activity can be used for sex education, on the other hand, it is difficult to find any special kind of activity that should be specially organized or stimulated in the interests of sex education. Therefore, any kind of student activity - work, communication, cognition - can serve the interests of sex education, if teachers give their assessment to the features of this activity not in general, but from the standpoint of the existence of two sexes, the importance and social value of a certain nature of the differences between them.
The information provided to schoolchildren, regardless of whether it is an answer to a question or an activity, should be at a level accessible to their understanding, be natural in nature with an emphasis on the moral side, interesting and exhaustive enough for students to be satisfied with it, correct in form, even if something is asked that is not quite decent from the point of view of the teacher, which is motivating by its nature, i.e. causing the desire to learn something new, to think about the moral and socially significant side of the relationship between male and female representatives.
The basic principles of sex education are:
- its high ideological orientation;
- the unity of the educational efforts of the school, family and society, taking into account the circle of contacts and ways of information of adolescents, the search and implementation of opportunities to influence them;
- full use for educational work of all possibilities of subjects, lessons, extracurricular activities, as well as their continuity and interconnection; inseparability of sex education from other aspects of moral education, from all teaching and educational work;
- the complexity and systematic nature of educational influences in the interests of sex education, their implementation, taking into account age and individual characteristics (adolescent girls, girls) based on benevolence, understanding, respect and exactingness. Implemented sex education is an important factor in preparing for an independent life, including family life.
The content of sex education includes the following questions:
1) physiological, psychological, pedagogical characteristics of a teenager related to gender; the importance of these features for relationships with other people in all spheres of human activity;
2) family and relationships in it;
3) the birth and upbringing of children, the continuity of generations.
When differentiating sex education between younger and older adolescents, one should take into account:
1) the level of the general development of the educated, their ability to perceive, understand, analyze information of varying degrees of complexity;
2) their objective and subjective interest in obtaining certain information, both verbally expressed and in a visual-figurative form;
3) the nature of the activities of the educated, as well as the characteristics of their behavior and relationships with representatives of their own and the opposite sex;
4) the level of "biological" maturity, the nature of physiological changes in the body;
5) general patterns of the formation of a class team, as well as specific features of the class;
6) the peculiarities of family relationships and its impact on the educated.
As noted above, the ways and methods of sex education are different. It can be special classes with students on specific topics, and various situations from life, and examples from fiction, history, etc.
Knowledge control:
1. Define sex education.
2. Determine the goals of sex education.
3. What are the tasks of sex education?
4. What should the subject of "Sex Education" teach students?
5. What principles of sex education do you know? Name them.
6. What questions are included in the content of sex education for schoolchildren?
7. Specify the means of educational influence in sex education.
8. What parameters should be taken into account in a differentiated approach to the subject?

2.2. Sex education pathways
There are the following ways of sex education associated with the transmission of norms of sexual and sexual behavior: inheritance of traditions and customs, transmission of declarative and real aspects of everyday consciousness, literature and art, mass media (print, radio, television, Internet), lecture propaganda, scientific popular literature.
The child's sex education is carried out by specific people with whom he communicates and who are the conductors of sex education. In this capacity, not only parents, educators and educators act, but also peers, literary and artistic figures and other media workers - in short, all those whose gender-related behavior and attitudes can be in the child's attention.
The family is the first in the temporal aspect and the closest educator to the child. Mothers usually play a decisive role in the development of children. However, it is necessary to think about the family, and not about one of the parents, as a caregiver. The contribution of the mother and father is not determined by the quantitative measure of "more or less", but essentially depends on the general atmosphere in the family, the system of relations between adult family members to each other and the child.
After the birth of a child, parents form certain stereotypes: they see in the child's behavior signs of conformity or inconsistency with what a boy or girl should be in their ideas. Compliance is encouraged, inadequacy is resisted. Parents say or express their attitude with the words: "you are a boy, and boys ..."
It is believed that parents identify more with the child of their gender and want to be a model for him more. The style of the relationship between the sexes is transferred to communication with children: fathers treat their daughters in a certain sense as little women, and mothers treat their sons as little men.
The desirability or unwantedness of the sex of the child is important. Most end up accepting the actual sex of the child, but in some families the resulting dissatisfaction with the gender can have a long impact on the attitude towards the child.
The role of the father should be presented to the child as a balanced, stable, strong friend of the wife and children. Restraint in the manifestation of feelings is expected from him, given their unconditional presence, a fair and impartial assessment of positive and negative events. At present, the role of the mother is changing: a woman often tries to dominate her husband and children.
In a harmonious family, from an early age, the mother teaches the child about "how ...", and the father about "what ..."
Peers. They are the main source of information on gender differences and sexual behavior. This information is frank, realistic, but also very inaccurate, often vulgarized. It is fundamentally important to recognize the existence of a special, hidden from the eyes of adults, children's subculture, indecent and secret children's erotic folklore. A characteristic feature of the children's subculture is its demonstrative opposition to the often overwhelming world of adults and even a parody of this world, allowing children to feel their independence, to establish their norms and values. It is necessary to note the stability of the traditions of the children's subculture, passing from generation to generation, despite the struggle of adults with them.
It is in the environment of peers that the child can experience himself as a representative of the gender, test the acquired sex-role attitudes in communication.
Organized training and education. The pedagogical load does not increase due to sex education, since most of it can be dissolved in other subjects. Different levels of development and psychological profile of the individual must be taken into account. The transfer of the necessary general information to children by the teacher should be distinguished by professionalism.
In preschool institutions, sex education is not conducted at all, only some educators intuitively implement a differentiated approach to boys and girls, focusing on the boys' responsibilities to help and give in to girls, not to offend them, to stand up for them. At the same time, it should be emphasized that the teacher is faced with a difficult task - to find ways to promote friendship between boys and girls and at the same time not to inhibit the process of sexual differentiation.

In school, as a rule, sex education consists of inviting a doctor to talk with adolescents. However, a doctor, even having the necessary information, does not always have the proper pedagogical experience; rather, he should play the role of a consultant for teachers, be an educator of educators, and teachers should still carry out the main work on sex education for students.
Literature and art are specific means of understanding the world, the substantive basis of which, in one way or another, is the meaning of life and a person's place in it. Folk tales have never evaded issues of gender, sexuality, eroticism. For example: in fairy tales, the image of Baba Yaga is the image of a woman (physically) without humanity peculiar to women.
If fairy tales meet almost no obstacles on the way to the child, then with other literature and art the situation is more complicated. Currently, there is a flow of a variety of literature, carrying any information on a sexual topic, mostly openly pornographic, which has eclipsed and pushed aside romantic, pure love to such an extent that even the mention of such feelings causes a sarcastic smile and distrust in adolescents. The works of world and Russian culture should be widely promoted, with the help of which to revive faith in great and bright love, instilling in schoolchildren pure, trusting relationships between the sexes.
Popular science literature. Literature for adolescents is replete with miscalculations associated with ignoring the gender and age psychology of the reader, the lack of not only methodological, but also methodological substantiation. The leading tendency remains to replace gender issues with general hygienic problems, and the question of how to conduct sex education is limited to general formulations.
But sexology, psychohygiene of sex, Sex education is not an area of \u200b\u200bmanifestation of the worldly wisdom of the authors, but a special area of \u200b\u200btheory and practice. We need a series of popular science publications on sex education for all contingents of schoolchildren and adolescents, boys and girls. Lecture cycles are needed for schoolchildren that would cover such problems as the medical aspects of puberty, abortion, contraception, early pregnancy and its impact on the health of mother and child, sexually transmitted diseases, etc. The titles of such lectures should be business-like, clear, devoid of attraction and playfulness. Lectures are also needed on the psychology of relationships between loving people and spouses. One of the typical difficulties is associated with deciding whether lectures for boys and girls should be: joint or separate. This primarily depends on the topic of the lecture. Of course, girls should be told separately about the hygiene of the menstrual period, as well as boys - about wet dreams and masturbation. But it is quite possible to give general questions to a mixed audience. Moreover, with the exception of an in-depth presentation of specifically "male" or "female" topics, work in a heterosexual audience is more successful and effective: it prepares for relationships on the basis of sufficient knowledge about the characteristics of people of the same and the opposite sex, removes the taint of bashful secrets from the discussion of psychosexual problems, a sense of mutual responsibility.
The teacher conducting sex education must be aware of his own attitude to gender issues and relate it to the objectives and principles of teaching the subject.

Adult attitudes that interfere with proper sex education
Sex education is hindered by conflicts between adults and children, which significantly increase in adolescence and adolescence and are associated with the characteristics of the reaction of adults to the behavior of their children. Relations between adults and children should be based on respect for the other person, even if it is still a very young girl or boy. Many adults tend to scold young people instead of understanding them correctly.
Sometimes adults in relationships with children are hampered by the lack of decentration - the ability to look at any situation from different points of view. This approach is based on the belief that there is always one truth and an adult is its recognized carrier. As a result, adults are unable, at least temporarily, to adopt a different point of view, to understand the motives of adolescent behavior. This is also hampered by the fact that many adults cannot or do not want to remember themselves at a similar age, and if they do, it is only to emphasize that they were not like that, but better. Conflicts are promoted by the desire to necessarily raise the child, to pull him back for any reason, the lack of a sense of humor.
The incorrect reaction of adults to the manifestation of child sexuality focuses the attention of children on these issues. It is absolutely clear that neither in the sexual development itself, nor in any of its specific manifestations, there is nothing bad, bad or good, moral or immoral can only be an attitude towards them, including panic, which should be regarded either as a manifestation of deep ignorance, or as a sign of immorality.
Adults should help keep young men and women from sexual intercourse in order to preserve the beauty of companionship. Some teachers take the path of an administrative struggle with love, establish all sorts of prohibitions, lower the marks for behavior. Very often, around the guilty, whose whole fault is that they are friends, the teacher makes a noise, creates public opinion, scolds them at a class meeting. It is necessary to protect the first friendship of boys and girls, but this does not mean simply taking a position of non-interference. This friendship must be helped, directed, protected from vulgarity and filth. Severity in education is needed, but it must be smart, kind, fair severity.
In fig. 22 one can see the reflection of some of the "false ways" of sex education, wittily noted by H. Bidstrup.

Figure: 22. X. Bidstrup. Attractive force

2.3. Modern models of sex education
It is accepted, at least in European countries, to distinguish between 3 models of sex education that embody the corresponding types of moral attitudes towards sexuality.
Modern models of sex education are presented in Table 1.
Table 1
Model Content
Restrictive Less is Better
Content of information: you can't do this and that because ...
This is the only good way
General tone: no!
Permissive Information Volume - All Information
Information content: there may be the following paths ...
All paths are good
General tone: yes!
"Golden mean" Necessary information: do this and not otherwise, because ...
There are many paths - choose the best
Yes - but ...

Restrictive (repressive) sex education is carried out in most Western countries, in particular in Italy. Introducing children to physical signs and manifestations of gender is considered undesirable; this concerns nudity - even small children should not expose their genitals in public. Information about reproductive processes and functions is presented very gradually and carefully: it is recommended to explain them using the examples of plants, and not animals, in order to avoid premature ideas about the biological nature of human reproduction. Familiarization with the bodily and physiological aspects of gender and sexuality is subject to the principle: "too late" is better than the dangerous "too early".
Before young people develop a deep understanding of the nature and importance of family and marriage, discussion with adults (even teachers) of the process of puberty, its difficulties, sexually transmitted diseases, non-traditional forms of sexual behavior, etc. is not accepted. Attempts by young people to achieve independence from their elders and to obtain exhaustively complete information about sexuality are met with resistance: it is believed that knowledge stimulates interest in sexuality and arouses a desire to experiment, and any hopes for warnings are unfounded: young people learn not warnings, but just what are warned, and therefore no kind of upbringing guarantees a person from committing pedophilic, homosexual or violent acts.
The permissive (liberal) model of sex education is adopted, for example, in Denmark. Sexuality is understood as an important life value. For it to be perceived in this way by all, education must prevent the "fouling" of sexuality with a sense of guilt and help free from anxiety, which, thanks to old traditions, often colors sex-related experiences. Young people have the right to independently and independently form acceptable and desirable moral and sexual norms, and those who conduct sex education should not impose their morality on young people. The only obligatory and cultivated norm is a sense of responsibility for the nature and consequences of a sexual relationship shared with another person. The moral obligation of all is to bear responsibility for the birth of unwanted children, in connection with which birth planning and the use of contraceptives are promoted, artificial abortion is morally condemned. Providing the younger generation with information about sex and sexuality in the light of ethical and social values \u200b\u200bis undertaken by organized upbringing, while the formation of moral attitudes of sexual behavior is seen as a matter primarily of the family.
The strategy and tactics of the "golden mean" determine sex education in a number of European countries, including Poland. It is designed to help avoid disappointment and harm to others in sexual relations in general and in the family in particular, to facilitate personal and psychosexual development, to soften the transition to adulthood, so that the realization of emotional and sexual needs does not violate the basic social norms and well-being of other people. A society for which love, marriage, family is a subject of deep interest, and not just a private matter of everyone, has the right and duty to regulate and determine the framework for the sexual behavior of people.
It is important to establish new civilized norms of morality, including sexual, and for this it is necessary to help people get rid of false fears, sanctimonious prejudices, prejudices, outdated prohibitions. The more freedom is given to members of society, the more mature and responsible they should be. Ethical norms in the field of sexuality must be carefully formulated and aimed at achieving a harmonious balance between the specific requirements of the family and social and industrial life, between satisfying sexual needs and serious responsibility for the family and marriage.
The existing "usual" practice of people is not a sufficient basis for the formation of social informal ethics - uncritical acceptance by society for one reason or another of the widespread practice of relations between the sexes would mean a refusal to influence young people. A positive attitude towards sexuality is one of the basic principles of social ethics. The moral value of a partnership does not depend on its relationship to law and religion: neither legal nor church marriage guarantees mandatory moral behavior.
Permissible sexual activity is determined by age and characteristics of physical, mental and socio-moral needs. Early sexual intercourse is bad and unacceptable insofar as it can interfere with the interests and well-being of the partners and the child born in an immature relationship, and not by themselves. Masturbation and petting are not morally condemned. The partners' loyalty to each other is no longer identified with sexual exclusivity, which is seen as obligatory for marriage, but does not exclude a broader and more liberal understanding; the requirements in this regard for men and women should not be different. The basic moral principle of sexual behavior in marriage or outside of marriage: all types of sexual relations are morally acceptable if they correspond to the desires and attitudes of mature and morally responsible people, acting without external or internal pressure.
None of these models are worse or better than the other. In a permissive model, seemingly fraught with sexual anarchy, sexual behavior is placed on a par with all other types of behavior and is therefore subject to the general laws of social and moral regulation. The severe limitations of the restrictive model are balanced by the belief that human nature does "take its toll". The model of the "golden mean" does not completely dissolve the personality in society and the sexual in the social, it becomes the subject of discussion that which is implied in the permissive and restrictive models by virtue of the tacit "agreement on reticence": it presupposes a dialogue between the individual and society with the responsibility of society for the fate of the individual. The acceptance of these existing models in society is governed by individual attitudes towards sexuality and sex education.
In our country, the development of the problems of psychohygiene of sex and its implementation in the form of sex education was carried out very unevenly in different years. Although Freudianism as a system in our country did not find distribution, some of its provisions affected the positions of researchers and teachers. The construction of sex education was largely determined by the heated discussion that unfolded between pedology and the one created by A.S. Makarenko pedagogical system. The significance of A.S. Makarenko, the creator of the Soviet system of collective education, is widely known. However, at some stages in the development of pedagogy A.S. Makarenko was presented as an opponent of sex education in general, citing phrases taken out of the context of his works that relate to particular aspects of the method of sex education. Assessing the views of A.S. Makarenko for sex education, a number of specific historical circumstances determined by his experience should be taken into account:
1) these views were formed not in a clash with sex education, but in the fight against its distortions generated by the peculiarities of time and pedology;
2) the results of "sex education" that A.S. Makarenko among their pupils who went through the school of homelessness and asocialism could not but be alarmed, as, indeed, some extreme tendencies of sex education in the family;

3) the brilliant organization of the children's collective - this extremely strong educational environment - removed many of the issues of direct personal participation of adults in sex education as an educational dialogue with each individual child.
Taking into account at least these circumstances, the concentration of A.S. Makarenko on the organization of the team as the main means of sex education. Finally, we have no right to forget that A.S. Makarenko formulated the basic principle of sex education as an aspect of moral education: “As in all his life, so in his life, a sexual person cannot forget that he is a member of society ... And in the sexual sphere, this public morality presents each citizen with certain demands ... It requires that the sex life of a person, every man and every woman, be in a constant relationship to two areas of life: family and love ... Hence the goals of sex education are clear. We must educate our children in such a way that they can enjoy sex life only by love and that they realize their pleasure, their love and their happiness in the family. "
Since the mid 60s. increasing attention to the family, as it fulfills its social functions, and since the beginning of the 70s. the need for a serious scientific development of the problems of family, gender and sexuality becomes obvious (A.N. Obozova, 1984). The main provisions of this new stage were formulated by I.S. Kohn (1966), who emphasized, in particular, the existence of a number of objective conditions for changing moral norms (an increase in the gap between sexual and social maturation, urbanization, a decrease in the proportion of the family as a factor of socialization, a crisis of a double standard), the naivety of ideas about the "natural" norms of sexual morality and the need for a systematic development of gender and sexuality issues for pedagogy. The hallmarks of this ongoing phase are the development of interdisciplinary sexological research and the rationale for practical sex education.
Organized sex education in schools has resumed in different parts of the country at different times. Thus, in Estonian schools, a course of personal hygiene, which includes gender and sexuality issues, was introduced in 1967. Subsequently, in the Baltic republics, in a number of cities (Moscow, St. Petersburg, Cheboksary, etc.), Krasnodar Territory, Kostroma Region in school curricula introduced various forms of sex education: courses "Fundamentals of family and family education", optional courses, circles and clubs, covering in their activities the themes of love, marriage, gender and sexuality. Certain elements of preparation for family life were included in the work of subject teachers. Since 1983, compulsory courses "Hygienic and Sexual Education" in the 8th grade and "Ethics and Psychology of Family Life" in the 9th and 10th grades have been introduced into the programs of the country's general education schools (except for special schools), manuals for teachers have been published and students.
Thus, organized sex education is becoming mandatory and ubiquitous. The introduction of sex education is carried out with the degree of gradualness and discretion, which is determined by the regional cultural characteristics and traditions of each nation and nationality, gender-related stereotypes of mass consciousness, the training of teachers and educators, and, finally, by the fundamental circumstance that the creation of an adequate system of sex education is not tolerates storming and is a task for the long term.
At the end of the presentation of the theoretical foundations of sex education, it is necessary to say about the meaning of this knowledge for young people, supported by the following formula:

PZ + OZOOIO
NB
AIDS
OT

Where PZ - puberty - the state that ends the puberty of adolescents, the ability to have sexual intercourse, to be responsible for their actions;
OZOOIO - lack of knowledge about intimate relationships between men and women and their consequences;
NB - unwanted pregnancy;
AIDS - acquired immunodeficiency syndrome;
VZ - sexually transmitted diseases.
The task of a modern teacher in conducting sex education is to provide all the necessary knowledge to eliminate the consequences that could cripple the fate of a young person, undermine his health or lead to an incurable disease.

Knowledge control:
1. What models of sex education do you know?
2. Describe the characteristics of each sex education model.
3. Advantages and disadvantages of each of the sex education models.
4. Which model, in your opinion, is the most perfect? Why?
5. What do you know about the history of the development of the subject "Sex education" in Russia?
6. The value of the family in the implementation of sex education for children and adolescents.
7. Describe the role of peers in the process of sex education.
8. Sex education at school.
9. The value of popular science and health education literature for sex education.
10. Incorrect attitudes of adults that interfere with sex education.

Chapter 3
ANATOMY, PHYSIOLOGY AND GENITAL HYGIENE

3.1. Gender concept. Separated cavity
The vital activity of the organism consists in the implementation of three generalized functions: growth, development and differentiation; adaptation and reproduction, as well as a whole system of private and complex functions (respiration, digestion, excretion, etc.) - Each of these functions is a function of the whole organism, however, reproduction, in comparison with the first two, is associated with the presence of two groups of cells in the body: somatic (bodily) and proper reproductive (sexual).
Representatives of almost every animal species are divided into two sexes - male and female - with the same vital processes, but complementing each other in the reproduction of offspring. In the biological, social and psychological sciences, the concept of gender is ambiguous. In the strict sense of the word, sex is a set of morphological and physiological characteristics of an organism that provide for sexual reproduction, the essence of which ultimately boils down to fertilization.