How can one develop self-esteem and strengthen weakened respect? You may not be an oligarch.

MOSCOW, October 17 - RIA Novosti. Self-esteem of a person does not depend on his material well-being: it can be much higher for a janitor than for an oligarch. However, for people with disabilities, the opportunity to work and earn money makes them feel like a full member of society, experts and psychologists interviewed by RIA Novosti say.

World Dignity Day, held annually on October 17 in more than 50 countries, is designed to draw public attention to fostering a sense of leadership and self-esteem. This event is held in Russia for the second time and it is expected that special events by this day will be held at educational sites in Moscow, St. Petersburg and Ulan-Ude.

You may not be an oligarch ...

Each person has a self-esteem, the only difference is that everyone has a different one, said psychotherapist Konstantin Olkhova. “One of the main determinants of the size of a sense of dignity may be the size of the line that a person is ready to go over or not ready to go and considers it not worthy of himself. Some consider it unworthy to humiliate and offend other people, while others believe that they should not reckon with the opinion strangers, "said Olkhova.

According to him, a sense of dignity is determined by the upbringing of a person. The janitor's self-esteem can be much higher than, for example, the oligarch. “I think that the material side plays a secondary role here. It’s another matter, if a person, for example, was raised from childhood so that self-esteem can only be rich, then poverty for this person will be a determining factor,” the expert believes.

Olkhova believes that in order to cultivate the correct self-esteem in a person, it is important not only to love the child, but also to respect his views. “Too often we forget that the child is an independent person, with his own problems and joys. And the more we respect our own children, the more we have a sense of dignity. If a child sees that he respects him, other people , often it forms a self-esteem, not infringing on the feelings of other people, but supporting oneself and others, "Olkhova said.

Decent education

One of the main life lines in the development of a child is his relationship with his mother. In these relationships, from early childhood, either basic trust in the world or distrust is born, said Alexander Asmolov, vice president of the Russian Society of Psychologists, academician of the Russian Academy of Education. "Any sense of dignity is based on trust in the world and faith in oneself," he said.

He also believes that in a child from early childhood it is necessary to cultivate responsibility for those actions that he performs. "One love without generating responsibility will not lead to the formation of attitudes of self-esteem," the professor added.

A child should learn from childhood not only to be compassionate, but also to learn to rejoice for the people around him, the psychologist explained.

"We know that children aged 5 to 7 years can empathize with other children enough when they have a misfortune. However, children are very poor at knowing how to rejoice for other children. It is not by chance that psychologists say: people can sympathize, and only angels can rejoice." - added the psychologist.

Independence and autonomy

According to Mikhail Novikov, the project manager of the regional public organization of disabled people, “Perspective,” a person gains self-esteem when he feels independent and independent.

“A disabled person in Russia cannot fully feel independent, and it is independence that is the basis of self-esteem. Unfortunately, in our society there are a lot of barriers for people with disabilities that they constantly have to face. You always need to look for one who will help: climb the stairs, go down from the curb, get into the building. We constantly have to look for someone’s help. And this strikes me with dignity, vanity, ”Novikov said.

Agrees with him and the executive director of the regional public organization "Center for therapeutic pedagogy" Nikolai Morzhin.

"The level of personal dignity of each individual person depends on the state of society as a whole. It is not so important here whether he has a disability or not," he said.

“It is important to find your occupation in life. Nothing enhances self-esteem like earning. When you can invite your mother to a restaurant and pay for dinner, you rise not only in her eyes, but also in yours,” Novikov says.

He also noted that the development of inclusive education, when children with disabilities can learn with their healthy peers, will allow children with disabilities to fully realize their potential. Specialized correctional schools and boarding schools, he said, can lead to the suppression of self-esteem in a child.

“Children in a boarding school are obliged to listen to teachers in everything, to follow the routine, not to bother. And most importantly, their own opinion is not perceived by anyone,” he said.

An important role, he said, in the formation of personality is played by upbringing.

“Recently I witnessed an unpleasant scene. Mom brought her son with cerebral palsy to restoring classes, and I was struck by her conversation with the child. She said to him:“ Get used to it, now we crawl all our lives ”... The child is crying, she is severe and constant with him reminds him of disability. This, of course, is wrong, "said Novikov.

If you are sad and hurt from any criticism, even comic, if your goals have not been fulfilled for many years, not due to lack of time, but because of laziness, lack of desire or motivation, then you urgently need to work on self-esteem .

Lack of self-esteem

What is it? This is who you are and where you are going. It is important for one person to have a car and he considers you to be wrong because you do not have one. But you do not need a car and you simply ignore his words, because you understand that this is not your choice and it is more important for you to eat right or go on a trip, for which you save money. Or another example, the girls at school want to go to a disco or take a lesson, you don’t want problems and stay at home or in the classroom because you need to have good relationships with your parents or excellent grades. And the opinion of friends will follow, because they love you not for obedience, but for your personality, individuality.

Such a reaction indicates a sense of self-esteem, but if you are exchanging for trifles, giving all your attention to others, because there are few personal worries or they seem to be not important, then it's time to think about yourself and your self-esteem. And first thing forget about the opinions of otherswhether others use you, how they relate, what they advise, where they push or what they agitate, you are you, it's time to sort yourself out.

What kind of person do you see yourself

It's all just turn off the TV, computer, close the comics about superheroes and focus on personal desires and ideas about how you see yourself. Make a list of all the qualities that come to mind, not only positive, but also negative. What do you want to see in yourself, and what you need to get rid of.

Many advise you to write down these qualities in the form of hieroglyphs or symbols, others just keep in a notebook, someone generally makes tattoos, but, in fact, this list has only one purpose - the memory of what you possess, what qualities you have there is and what you strive for. How do you remember this, it’s your business, you can write a picture, music, a song on these qualities, create your own “chemical” table of elements in your body and soul. The basis only should not change when you feel bad, when you lose heart or do not cope with problems, you need these qualities, this small list to be seen, and looking at it, you will perk up again and continue to fight for your ideas and goals.

Personality assessment

Which of your desired qualities is already in you, and which is lacking and, of course, what is superfluous? Do not rush to turn to self-flagellation, it will always succeed, it is better to soberly evaluate yourself, without embellishment or humiliation. Often people belittle their own abilities, although they can and do a lot. There are three important points that you should not forget for a second:

Do not exaggerate. If you can’t, then it’s not yours; there’s no sense in aiming at the “crane” if you are satisfied with the “tit in your hands”.
Do not play down your own strengths. Man is the most enduring creature on the planet. All that is required of you is to believe in yourself and go to your goals through laziness, fear, and sometimes lack of hope.
Do not be shy yourself. Some qualities that you like may not be to the taste of public opinion. But you are not a politician for whom public opinion is very important. Work on self-esteem is closely related to the understanding that people are individual with their own characteristics, incomprehensible to others. These qualities distinguish a person and often attract the desired or unwanted attention to him. There is nothing wrong or wrong with this - this is the creation of the personality as it should be, and not what they want to see.

Work on yourself

The principle of “from Monday” will not work here. If you decide to work on yourself, regain or gain self-esteem start from the moment you decideand not tomorrow, when you get paid, your husband will return or leave, get a job or quit, and so on. Today it’s the best time for you to start living for yourself, set priorities, set life goals and determine who you are, what you want to be and what you can do now.

If you don't like discipline, make a list of what you should do every day. At the beginning it will be easiest, desire and motivation are bright enough, I want everything at once. But after a couple of weeks you can feel tired, for example, from the same sports exercises, or constant cooking, cleaning, even the words “I am the most charming and attractive”, the work will become boring, the food will be fresh, and daily walks and learning French will be tortured.

This is a natural state, do not be alarmed, and especially do not forget to watch TV, because you are tired of everything. But you can take a short break and diversify your everyday life. Turn on an inspirational movie and start thinking about how to replace exercises with others, diversify walks or learn a language and so on. For example, if you previously studied the rules of French, now download several applications on your phone and learn it for a week like this, take a walk outside the city or with a camera, cook food from one of your favorite vegetables or meat and something like that. In other words, turn the ordinary into the special, not like what it was.

Allow yourself not only to work, but also to relax. Your body is your temple, if the goals require great physical or emotional stress, and you just blindly fulfill them, fatigue will make itself felt too quickly. Therefore, do not forget to eat, sleep and take care of your health so that your body helps you to assert yourself, and not interfere.
Do not be equal to others. Suppose you see in another person a quality that you would also like to get, but this is only one quality, otherwise this person may be dissimilar to your ideals, and the path he has traveled may be too steep and thorny for you. Listen only to yourself, throwing away selfishness, not paying attention to attractive and famous personalities who have conquered history or television screens. Let your path begin with yourself, and not with people whose life you know only on the one hand.

Dignity - moral category, meaning respect and self-esteem of the human person. Dignity is an integral property of a person as the highest value, belonging to him, regardless of how he himself and the people around him perceive and evaluate his personality. Dignity is one of the intangible goods belonging to man from birth; it is inalienable and inexpressible.
Great Law Dictionary

Dignity is the ability to respect not only other people, but also oneself.
Dignity is a sense of self-worth that does not need any evidence.
Dignity is the ability to remain “on top” under any, even the most unfavorable, circumstances.

Advantages of dignity

Dignity gives respect - to oneself. Only one who respects himself can respect others.
Dignity gives confidence - in one’s own spiritual strength and strong-willed qualities.
Dignity gives freedom - from criticism and evil speaking of the inhabitants.
Dignity is provided by choice - the higher a person appreciates himself, the more potential he has for the application of strength and talent.

Manifestations of dignity in everyday life

Performance of duty. Fulfillment of duty - to the Motherland, to parents, to children, military duty; debt in the most general sense is a sign of a worthy person.
The judicial system. “A lawsuit to protect honor and dignity” - this wording has become increasingly popular in recent years. Only those who are aware of their dignity can defend their civic dignity.
Competitions. In sports, a person often has to overcome obstacles and overcome physical discomfort. To withstand all the tests without losing face, a person with self-esteem is capable.
Extreme situations. A person who saves people in a fire, explosion, in any other extreme situation, manifests himself as a worthy person.
Charity. A worthy person will not miss the opportunity to quietly, without sticking out his own "I", to help those who really need help.
Willingness to sacrifice one's own interests for the benefit of others is a manifestation of human dignity.

How to Develop Dignity

Dignity is a combination of moral qualities worthy of respect both from the owner of them and from others. Self-esteem is a person’s duty to himself and should be present in every person from birth. If a person does not feel his own dignity, then it can be developed only in one way - by acting in each situation as a worthy person would do.
Fulfillment of a duty - not only in the broad sense, but also in the sense of the obligations undertaken in a particular situation - will make it possible to evaluate a person as having dignity.
Doing sports. The struggle (both physical and mental) with a heavy sports equipment or with heavy loads forms a person's self-respect. Self-respect is a manifestation of self-esteem.
The acquisition of knowledge. With the acquisition of new knowledge, an increasingly reliable platform appears for a person to develop self-esteem.
Household relationship. By not encouraging and not allowing derogatory treatment of oneself from others, a person gains a sense of dignity.
Controversy. By training in polemics, a person gains self-confidence and, therefore, self-esteem.

Golden mean

Self-abasement | complete lack of self-esteem

Dignity

Narcissism, narcissism | excess of love and self-respect

Popular Expressions of Dignity

A worthy person is not one who has no shortcomings, but one who has dignity. - Vasily Klyuchevsky - Arrogance ruins dignity. - Lak proverb - A worthy husband always tries to be impartial, not to add value to hard-won things and not to listen to fruitless teachings. - Lao Tzu - The light of a candle does not fall on its base; the dignity of a person is invisible to his loved ones. - Kazakh proverb - The dignity of each person depends on how he shows himself in his actions. - Adolph von Knigge - Mark Tullius Cicero / About duties. About old age. About friendship Audiobook, collecting later works of Cicero. You will hear his reasoning about a worthy life, about what a person should come to at the end of his life's journey. Luule Viilma / Remain Human, or Dignity of Life In his book, Luule Viilma considers life as the spiritual path on which trials are sent to man. Remaining honest, merciful, preserving the dignity of life, a person attains mental and physical health.

A person who is confident in his own abilities, aware of his intrinsic value, looks significant in the eyes of others. An elusive energy comes from him, he is attractive and attracts others like a magnet. Why it happens? Everything is very simple: such a person has a sense of dignity and an unshakable faith in his abilities.

Often with the concept of "self-esteem" they put on one level the term "self-esteem and a healthy" self-concept, "but there is also a difference between them. Self-esteem implies the inner sensations of a person. The presence of self-esteem shows that not only the individual is aware of his importance, but also the people around him. Let's take a closer look at the signs of a person with self-esteem:

He arouses respect from them, and behaves with dignity. By making high demands on others, he requires the same behavior from himself. A person with self-esteem is distinguished by neatness in clothing, calm, lack of indecent acts, good upbringing and manners, a sense of freedom. He clearly knows his personal boundaries and does not allow anyone to violate them.
This is not about pride or selfishness. Pride is a sense of superiority over others when others are nothing compared to pride. A person with self-esteem does not assert himself at any expense. He is aware of his dignity and feels a sense of satisfaction from the presence of something - individual qualities, achievements, successes, abilities and skills. Full self-acceptance, plus awareness of the value of self without infringing on the rights of other people - all this implies the concept of dignity.
This feeling can also be described as an awareness of one’s significance, revealed, for example, in self-respect. A worthy person does not compare himself with anyone else, but only with himself. He understands that he is not perfect and strives for success, capable of self-development and personal growth. Such a person is determined to strive to achieve excellent results in any business he undertakes.
A worthy person has an inner world. It is assembled, reliable and decisive. You can rely on him. He is distinguished by his ability to keep his word and be obligatory in business. Other people feel calm and confident next to him. He does not humiliate those who are weaker and do not crouch in front of the powerful.
A person can worry inside, but remain calm externally, knows how to restrain himself under any unforeseen circumstances. His thoughts do not “dance”, they are structured, his actions are thought out and his behavior resolutely.
Valuable and confident person is not worried about trifles. He does not compete with anyone, does not strive to be the best and the first in everything. He knows how to say no, does not follow the crowd, does not explain and does not justify his own actions.
He is independent of others. He himself knows what to do and is responsible for his choice. In everything comes from their own views. He is self-sufficient and does not try to please others.
Such an internal position also provokes appropriate behavior: a person knows for sure how he can and should behave himself, and how people should act next to him and in relation to him. Inappropriate behavior is immediately suppressed, and communications with those who allow it in relation to him systematically are interrupted.

Why is it important to have a sense of dignity?

I will list the main reasons why it is important to have self-esteem:

A person who is full of faith in himself evokes similar feelings in others. He is reliable, knows how to navigate in any situation, he wants to listen to him, he wants to follow him. He is respected by others and is not allowed inappropriate behavior towards him.
If the sense of self-worth is lowered, a “victim” complex arises. An unsure and timid person realizes himself miserable and worthless. Also, others begin to relate to him. Development and achievements in this situation are difficult.
One who does not love himself and feels unworthy is haunted by failure. Each time he becomes convinced of his own bankruptcy, does not notice his successes. He simply does not see them. The whole focus of attention is focused only on problems. Such a person does not realize his rights. The situation may worsen. A person who is not sure of his own significance bears a feeling of gloom, he bends under the weight of problems. A depressed state can lead to disorders of the nervous system, psychosomatic manifestations and prolonged depression.
For the lack of self-esteem, you pay the lack of love and respect from others. Is the price great?

Is it possible to make a difference? No one is born, already possessing a sense of dignity. A person receives self-worth, self-esteem through education. If from early childhood he received a lot of love and attention, felt necessary and valuable, that is how he will remain for life. If not, then chances are good to have low self-esteem, which leads to a lack of self-esteem.

How to develop a sense of dignity?

Self-esteem can be cultivated in oneself. For this, it is important to understand that any person has personal rights and he:

not obliged to justify before anyone his own actions and words;
can put his interests in the first place without infringing on the rights of other people;
may be weak, upset and count on help if he needs it;
it does not have to be perfect in everything that it does;
has every right to be alone;
has the right to make a mistake and should not feel guilty when he makes it;
has the right to own opinion;
worthy of love and respect, a good attitude to yourself;
must not maintain a relationship that destroys him;
has the right to choose friends for himself;
can count on the support and good attitude from others;
may be imperfect;
not required to be an expert in all areas of knowledge;
has the full right to terminate relations that do not bring him joy;
should not be liked by everyone and always;
may be weak and depressed from time to time.

Psychologists say that educating oneself in a sense of dignity and significance is quite achievable. We need to focus on achievements, learn to notice them and believe that if something happened, then it will work out in the future. To believe that a person is good as he is, to accept himself with all his weaknesses and shortcomings. Everyone deserves the best of birthright.

Ways to increase self-worth:

Positive affirmations (affirmations) help to cultivate self-esteem. Anyone who is trying to develop self-worth in himself can argue that he is worthy of a good attitude, love and respect, his own housing and other things, the presence of which increases his level of comfort.
An effective way to increase self-esteem can be to record your own accomplishments for the day and read this list to remind yourself.
The question-to-self method helps a lot. They are built on the principle: "I am worthy of respect, because ... (I have the right to do this, I am smart and good person, and so on)."
Reading books and attending self-confidence and self-esteem training courses can also develop self-esteem. Such training involves learning confident and dignified behavior. And you can start by reading an article on how to increase your self-esteem.
Coaching is one of the development tools. This kind of self-development is valuable in that the mentor does not decide anything for the client, but tries to lead him to make an independent decision. So the importance of personality rises. A person learns to notice his desires, develop and behave with dignity. His personality can change dramatically, thanks to his own efforts.

Thus, we can say that self-esteem is an indispensable foundation for the development, happiness, realization of a person, his personal growth. Of course, the one who was trained to be worthy from childhood was lucky. But if you are not among them, do not despair and give up, complain about fate, blame everyone around for their troubles.

Dignity (video)

From the video you will learn a few more facts about self-esteem.

You can learn to be a worthy person, to instill a sense of confidence in yourself. For this, it is enough to make an effort, strive to become what you want. You need to work on yourself and change your own personality, your settings.

In the restaurant, do you want to know how much you paid? Do you think you do not deserve the best? - These are not questions of financial opportunities, but of how much we are aware of our value. Have you ever wondered what you have to do with yourself? What thought do you wake up with in the morning? How do you go to bed? Do you allow yourself to relax, get sick? You are compassionate towards yourself, you can take care of yourself, or vice versa, you clenched your teeth and despite the pain and heaviness continue to walk, pretending to be a partner, girlfriends, yourself, is that all right? How do you feel about your own failures? In a relationship, at work?

What is self-esteem and self-esteem?

Our relationships with each other are the most important core that we build in our lives. How we relate to others depends on how we relate to ourselves. Because if we do not accept ourselves, do not respect, then why should others do this? Perfectionism, a lack of self-confidence, a critical attitude towards others, the need for constant monitoring are just some of the symptoms of a lack of self-esteem and self-esteem. All this leads to the separation of people from each other, the lack of contact with their emotions, sadness, disappointment, burnout, or psychosomatic diseases.

Lack of a sense of value and self-worth complicate the lives of people. Self-esteem is formed in childhood. An important role in this process is played by the upbringing model, if parents ignore the needs of the child, have excessive expectations and criticize him, then the concepts of self-esteem and self-worth become unattainable. Toxic mantras from childhood, such as: “you must be a good girl”, “sit in the corner and think about your behavior”, “this is not for you”, “you can’t do it”, they say that it’s bad to show yourself to the environment, it’s bad to respect and appreciate yourself. These beliefs program our behavior in adulthood and lead to the inability to set boundaries, the inability to refuse another, to the lack of achievements in everything - in wages, love, friendship, since a person always puts himself in the last place. The result is a great loss of one's own energy and disappointment with life.

Work on self-respect is a laborious process. It is not enough just to master the technique. This will not work if we do not get to the sources, find out the reasons and change the beliefs. Otherwise, we will only build the facade and spend a lot of energy so that no one will discover our foundation. Self-esteem is based on self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-love and respect. And then it pays off, in all respects, in raising children, responding to others, creating a favorable atmosphere at work and achieving success. Therefore, the basis is unconditional self-acceptance. The key is to expand self-awareness: who we are, how we create relationships, how we relate to people, what dialogue we have with ourselves every day.

Only when I find out that these beliefs or worldviews are not mine can I say STOP and start choosing my way of looking.

This leads to the fact that people begin to consciously choose their behavior, a place on earth. This can be done at any stage of life.

LEVEL 1. How to start to appreciate, respect yourself and cultivate self-esteem?

You love yourself. The first information is the degree of self-acceptance - do I really love myself? How much does my value depend on me, and how much on others? How many points will I put on a scale of 1 to 10?

Psychologists come to people who have achieved everything, occupy high posts, manage large teams, have good social and material status. Suddenly it turns out that in fact they hate others, become addicted, their families break up, they themselves practically destroy all relations, as if they are striving for self-destruction. And this is just the effect of a lack of self-love. Managing teams, they cover that which they don’t accept, become rude to their subordinates because of fear and self-doubt. But, in the end, burnout, depression sets in, psychosomatic diseases appear. As a rule, only then does such a person seek professional help.

At the other extreme are people who are trying to humiliate themselves, they believe that they will never be happy, do not forgive mistakes for themselves, criticize themselves. They are afraid to go out with their ideas, to protest, because they have the impression that they do not deserve to be where they are.

In both cases, the most important work is changing attitudes towards oneself. Only when a person recognizes his value, internally and externally, can we proceed to work on the definition of toxic behavior and manipulative strategies. Both others and oneself.

LEVEL 2. How to start to appreciate, respect yourself and cultivate self-esteem?

The formation of healthy assertiveness. Another important element in restoring self-esteem is the work on self-presentation. Confident people are often associated with the word "no." Such people are clearly aware of their boundaries and do not want to be responsible for the actions of other people. But the essence of assertiveness is respect for myself and others, and the granting of the same rights that I have to others. For people who have problems with their own boundaries, appropriation of the right to refuse is a great relief. It becomes a discovery for them that from my “no” the world will not collapse. In the beginning it can be useful to take “pauses” - to give yourself time to think over questions like: Is this proposal useful to me? What happens if I refuse? Do I want to do this? If I do not want to, but I know that this will bring me certain advantages, for example, material ones, then maybe I should agree? It’s not about always refusing categorically when we don’t have a desire to do something, but it’s useful to first weigh the proposal on the top of your priorities and enter this situation consciously. And then we will approach her with a completely different attitude.

Healthy self-confidence never leads to crossing the borders of other people - it is based on self-esteem, which grows out of respect, love, self-acceptance and awareness of how we perceive ourselves and act on others.

Therefore, it is never destructive to the environment and to us. Those with self-esteem also recognize the value of others.

LEVEL 3. How to start to value, respect yourself and cultivate self-esteem?

Identification of beliefs. This is the key to building self-esteem. Each of us has our own thinking, a set of beliefs and attitudes about the world, other people and about ourselves. We were told about this in the process of upbringing, then in school, in adulthood, these ideas function in the public consciousness, flow from the media, literature, films. They are partly unconscious and work in systems; it is difficult to identify and track them yourself. They are tightly connected with us. How can I get to them? When working with clients, psychologists listen very carefully to the client. Such a natural, spoken language, deceives a lot. Each statement is filled with beliefs, opinions that testify to our view of the world, of ourselves, of our place, how we perceive ourselves. When, for example, a woman says: “it is too expensive for me”, “I won’t succeed”, “I can’t”, “this is not for me”, “I can’t” ... this is important information, and then the intense and fascinating begins Work. Often emotional blockages form in the body, which can grow throughout life, for example, as a result of conflicts, being in a despotic environment, constant criticism, and length of stay in toxic relationships. If negative energy is constantly accumulating and collecting in the body, then emotional litter arises, which becomes increasingly difficult to clear. To work with beliefs, various techniques are used. This is a wonderful stage when we begin to consciously create our own life plan and a unique way to implement it.